The Delicate Dance of Marriage
by funkydiva1978
Summary: Married for Love, In a marriage for Appearance: He broke her heart on the night she had the biggest news to tell him. What will Edward do when he realizes Bella wants to move on. Fight for her, or let her go.
1. Chapter 1 Reconstructing Bella

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

**Chapter One**

**Reconstructing Bella**

I flung the magazine across the room and screamed at the top of my lungs. That bastard was smiling again on the latest cover of _Forbes_' "Richest Men Under Thirty-Five"! I walked over slowly, picked the magazine up off the floor and stared at the magnificent image of Edward smirking at the camera in his Italian made suit. I couldn't help myself and reached out to stroke the smooth outline of his face, eyes and lips.

_Well, I guess he had to smile. It was, after all, a photo shoot. But couldn't have the cold-hearted son of a bitch at least tried to look a little sad? _

I poured myself another glass of whatever the fuck was burning my throat.

_You left him, remember?_

Yeah. I left him. But it wasn't like I had a choice. He wanted out, or at least the woman I caught naked in _our _bed gave me that impression.

_You didn't even try to hear him out!_

The hell I didn't. I waited for him to come to me and beg for my forgiveness. Instead what did he do? He told me I was overreacting, and that it was all a "misunderstanding". How fucking dare he tell me I was overr-reacting to a naked fucking tramp laying tangled up in our sheets?

_All right, you have a point! _

Why the fuck was I talking to myself?

_Because you got an invite in the mail to his parents annual Chicago Children's Hospital fundraiser along with a letter stating your attendance was mandatory._

The fuck it was! Who the hell are they to tell me what to do? Well, at least Edward's parents had always been good to me. Never once had they interfered, not even when it was leaked to the press that I had moved out.

I grabbed the bottle of what I now determined to be Jack and walked into the bedroom. I turned on the TV, grabbed my glass and stumbled into the bathroom.

I turned on the water, pressed the latch down and watched as the claw-footed tub filled. As the steam started to fill the bathroom, I walked to the mirror and untied my robe, sighing as I let the cool silk slide down my body. I hesitantly grazed my hands over my body- everything was still in place. My breasts were still as perky as they have been in high school… Who was I kidding? I filled out better in college. My hips were still broad but slim. No tummy pouch sticking out. My arms toned, and an ass so tight I swear I could bounce a quarter off of it! I ran my hands up and down my smooth body, admiring myself. I laughed and raised a glass to my reflection.

"I would like to make a toast to you, Bella, for doing an excellent job of staying true to yourself and not eating like a pig the second you realized that fucker was a cheating bastard. However, most importantly, I would like to thank Tai-bo and my all consuming eternal hate for Edward Cullen. Two things, that are separating me from being fat and in a stable, loving relationship by now. Cheers!" I downed the glass and set it forcefully set on the vanity. I gave myself a sarcastic smile, pushing down the pain. I just stared at myself and thought for a moment. Realizing it was time to get over with the inevitable, I grabbed my cell from the dresser and started dialing.

"Yes, I would like to leave a message for Esme Cullen. I know she is in, but I would prefer it if you would just relay the her the message please. Thank you. Ready? Please tell her that Ms. Isabella Cullen will definitely be attending the charity gala. Thank you, goodnight."

I got up the next morning with the worst hangover ever known to man or woman. I rolled off the bed and found my best friend _JD_ waiting for me on the bedside table. I lifted the bottle and took a long sip. I felt it scorch a path down my throat. I grabbed the remote to turn on the television and threw it on the bed as I walked into the bathroom to wash up. I stood under the warm stream of water, letting it cascade down around me and tried my best to shake the nerves I felt whenever I was trying to sober up.

_Sober Bella is weak!_

I knew it. Why do you think _JD_ waits for me every morning? Jack Daniels and I have had a long and troubled relationship, but ever since he gave me the courage to send Edward "theBitch"Cullen that long email telling him what I really thought of him, Jack and I couldn't be happier.

_Really Bella, you make it seem like Jack Daniels is a person not a type of alcohol._

Well, fuck you! It's JD to you!

All right, I think I'm going insane.

I steadied my thoughts as I got out of the shower and pulled my wet hair up into a messy bun. I had just started brushing my teeth when his name being announced on the TV caught to my attention.

"_Edward Cullen was spotted today coming out of the Four Seasons Hotel in Las Vegas where it is rumored that he is staying with an unidentified woman. Although the young millionaire states he is happily married to wife, Isabella Cullen, she has not been seen with Edward Cullen in over four years. There are also rumors that the two are set to announce their divorce as early as next week. As you may recall, four years ago our very own station was the first to air the tape catching Ms. Edward Cullen moving out of their California mansion. It showed the two in a very heated argument in which Isabella Cullen slapped Edward Cullen and drove away. The two have been at similar events over the years, not surprising, considering Isabella's family connection to the Volturis of Italy, and it has not escaped the public's notice that while Isabella Cullen has remained out of the spotlight except when necessary, Edward Cullen has never been photographed without some different woman hanging on his arm. I guess whatever the truth, we will just have to wait and see."_

I swallowed hard. "That son of a bitch!"

I marched over to the phone and started dialing as fast as I could. There was a knock on my door as Leah brought in my morning breakfast tray.

"Yes, Aro Volutri please, tell him Isabella Cull… no, tell him Isabella Swan is on the phone." I waited while Leah made my bed and fluffed the pillows.

"Isabella, passerotto mio! (my little bird) How are you, my darling!" His squeaky Italian accented voice always made me smile. It was a happy constant like the smell of warm cookie dough, my mom's apple pie or the smell of Edward's cologne after a shower… fuck it.

"Uncle Aro! Mi manchi! (I miss you) I am sorry, I know you must be busy, but do you have a moment to talk?"

I heard his laughter as he spoke to someone in the background. "I've put my appointments on hold, so don't you worry. How are you, my Bella? I am so glad you called. How is New York?"

"It is as fine as can be. Uncle Aro, I need your help." I took a deep breath. "You know this sham of a marriage I am in? Well, I have come to a decision. Can you help me?"

I waited as he thought for a minute. "Bella, my love, you know I figured you had come to a conclusion when my assistant told me Isabella Swan was on the phone. Does this have to do with the story in the Post?"

I cleared my throat and held back a sob. "You know that I never listen to gossip but, well, it's been a long time coming, Uncle Aro. It does sting, but you and I both know I lost whatever right I had to comment on his life and behavior when I walked out four years ago. "

_Liar, you still comment all the damn time. At least be honest with me! I mean, I am your inner monologue!_

"Come n nnn ow, Bella. You have every right to comment on the behavior of your husband."

I swallowed hard. "Well, that is what I was calling you about. Uncle Aro, I think I need a good lawyer. I think it's time to cut the cord, and… you know… pick up the pieces and move on."

I pressed a hand to my chest as the fa f miliar throbbing sensation began. It always reappeared whenever I thought of ending our farce of a marriage.

"It is about damn time, my little star. I have supported your every decision, and you know how I feel about Edward Cullen. I've never liked that boy. He was never good enough for you. I only gave you away at your wedding because your own father wouldn't be there."

This brought a sad smile to my lips. That day was the happiest day of my life. I was young, naïve and utterly in love. I blinked away angry tears and composed myself. That _fucker_! He has tainted every good memory. Damn him. I swallowed hard and forced myself to remain calm. "Uncle Aro, thank you so much. I don't know what I would do without your support. I'm going to see the Cullens at the Gala. Are you going to be there?"

I heard him rustle some papers around. "Y "Yes, I have it here on the schedule. I should be there, I can't have Carlisle outbidding me in my absence, now can I?" I heard him chuckle. Those two were still thick as thieves. Even after all that had happened, they had managed to maintain a mutual respect for each other. I had to remind myself that Carlisle was _not_ Edward.

"Well, I will see you in two weeks, Uncle Aro. Please give my love to the boys and Gianna."

"Of course I will, take care of yourself, my darling. Ciao."

I hung up the phone and sat on the bed. It was going to be a long two weeks. I had to get myself together mentally and physically. I called out to Leah, while I started rummaging through the closet.

"Ms. Isabella, what are you looking for?" Leah asked as I flung skirts, blouses and pants at her.

"The perfect outfit, Leah, it's Reconstructing Bella time! I am going back to the Lion's Den, and I need to look better than I ever have before." I was pulling everything out and giving it a good once over.

_You know what you need to do. _

Shut up! I would not call her. I could do this by myself. I didn't need anyone's help. Especially not the help of Alice Cullen!

_You need her help! She has been there for you!_

I bit my lip thinking about if I should or should not. "Leah, let Jacob know I am going to be needing security to get ready. I am going shopping today."

"Yes, Ms. Isabella." I watched her leave and quickly slipped on my jeans and a blouse. I left my hair up in a messy bun and drank my now cold coffee before heading out the bedroom door. I ran down the spiral staircase too quickly, tripped on a step and flew headfirst down the stairs. As I saw the ground coming at me fast, I closed my eyes and prayed there wouldn't be a bruise this time. Suddenly, I felt two large hands holding on to my waist. I opened my eyes and saw the dark and alluring eyes of Jacob Black.

"Trying to get up close and personal with the floor, Bells? I am sure there are better ways than throwing yourself at it," he said with a smirk. I blushed deeply as I felt his hands squeeze me a little tighter. He stood me up and let me go, never breaking eye contact.

"Thanks, Jacob. know I can always count on you. Is everything ready?" I straightened my blouse and walked to the front door.

"Everything is set and ready to go. I was very surprised when Leah told me where we were going today. The Bella I know always has her stylists work on things for her." I laughed getting into the Audi. "So how do you like your new car?"

I ran my hands over the dashboard and leather seats. "It's nice, but will we have enough room for all the clothes and shoes I am going to buy?"

He snorted as he shut the door. As he got into the driver's seat, he pulled out his cell. Jacob texted the security teams the details and that we were on the move. "Well Bella, the car might not have enough room, but that is what the security SUVs are for. I am sure they wouldn't mind moving over one of their missile launchers for your Jimmy Choo's or Stuart Weitzman's."

I laughed along with him, until I had a strange thought. "They don't really have a missile launcher with them, do they?" Jacob laughed a little harder.

"You know what, Bella, I don't know, and I don't want to find out, okay? Promise me no wandering out again?" I crossed my heart and smiled at him. It had been a long time since anyone had tried anything. However, that was what happened when you were related to one of the largest and richest families in Italy. The Volturis had a long history that made some pit stops in dealing with the Mafia. While four generations before had claimed reform and made the family more mainstream and legitimate, some factions were still were out for blood. I had been lucky that my mother married outside the family to my simple American dad. He loved his job, country and apple pie. Sunday afternoons with Jacob's dad, Billy Black, was still a ritual. After my mother died in the car bombing, he was never the same. Truthfully, I was never the same either. But Jacob took care of me _then_ just like he did _now_.

_Who are you kidding? You were still a shell until Edward showed up!_

That is not true! And quit talking to me. I hated having conversations with myself.

_I will not quit it, unless you are honest with yourself. If it weren't for Edward, you would probably still be sitting in Forks or Italy all alone, never having been married or knowing what amazing sex was like._

What the fuck was I doing now? Like I had amazing sex all the time, right? Just me and my vibrator! Yeah, thank you, Edward Fucking Cullen, for introducing me to my vibrator.

"Bella?" I snapped my head around to see Jacob giving me a strange look.

"What?" He looked at me with a Cheshire Cat like smile.

"So Edward introduced you to a vibrator?" My hands flew to my now red- hot face.

"Fuck, did I say that out loud? Damn it. No. Yes. I mean… No Jacob. OK let's not talk about this."

Jacob chuckled and continued driving. As we pulled up in front of the fashion boutique's, I could already see the paparazzi scrambling from their cars to start their assault on me with their cameras. I could feel my breathing quicken. Jacob took my hand slowly. "You don't have to do this. You can just call the stylist and get her to do the shopping for this charity gala thing."

I shook my head. "No. I need to get out more. If I can get used to having cameras shoved in my face, I might be able to handle the Edward situation with more style. No crazy pictures of me looking sad and depressed, you know?"

Jacob rubbed my hands and took off his seatbelt. "It is refreshing that you can still be honest with me. I love that about you, Bells. Still such an truthful and trusting person, don't change that, okay? I'm sorry about that douchebag, but he was never good enough for you and he never will be."

I smiled at him and watched him get out of the car. As he made his way over and opened my car door, I saw him reach out for me. I took his hand hesitantly and walked out in the sea of photo snapping chaos.

Two weeks flew by and before I knew it, I , was about to come face-to-face with the cheating bastard in less than twenty-four hours. Leah had made sure to pack everything I bought and even labeled them for each event that would take place while I was in Chicago. Jacob and Leah begged me to cut down on my time with _Jack_. After a few sobering words with him, I managed to cut our relationship down to a glass before bed.

I tossed and turned in bed, all night. Sleep seemed to evade me, at every turn. Every time I looked at the clock it had only been a few minutes since the last time I had looked. I pushed the covers back and wandered into my sitting room. The huge window that overlooked the street showed it was alive with reflecting lights of the city that never sleeps. I watched the lights turning from green to yellow to red. The cars constantly on the move and the people continually walking; they looked like ants from up here. I leaned against the glass and remembered the last time _we_ were together in New York.

"_Edward Cullen, you are trying to kill me, " I managed to scream before I fell hard on my ass. I tried to get up, but Edward was there before I knew it and had his hands around me pulling me up. _

"_I swear, I have never seen someone look so sexy and graceful when she falls!" He leaned down and gave me a soft and chaste kiss. My lips parted to allow him to devour me but he pulled back. "Unless you want us to get arrested for indecent exposure, you shouldn't be doing that." _

_I pouted and pulled back, patting the snow off my pants. "It was only a kiss, how could that get us arrested? Besides, I see tons of people making out." _

_Edward caught me by my coat and pulled me back. He dipped me low and kissed me hard. "You and I both know what happens to my self-control when I kiss you, Bella. I don't want us to get arrested for fucking like animals in the center of this ice rink." _

_I blushed deeply and pulled myself upright. I started to skate away when Edward zipped in front of me and grabbed my hands. "Come on Beautiful Swan, let's have some fun!"_

_He pulled and glided us all over the pond in Bryant Park. Edward was so different from all the men I had dated. Most would have taken me to Rockefeller Center and rented out the whole rink just for us. But not Edward Cullen. No, he had magic. He had a way of making even the simplest experience magical. When I was young and naïve, any moment I had with Edward Cullen was amazing; with him, we were in a world of our own._

I slammed my hand against the window and spread my palm across it. I felt the tears forming and threatening to spill over.

_You promised yourself no more tears over Edward Cullen, remember?_

Of course I remembered. Why do you think I started my wonderful relationship with_ Jack_?

_Come, come now, you and I both know that you don't need Jack not to cry._

You don't know that, damn it, you just don't.

I walked over to the bookcase and pulled out the first edition hardcover book of the "The Old Man and The Sea." It was one of my favorite books. Edward had tracked down this rare edition that was being auctioned at Christie's and had gave it to me as a wedding gift. I turned to the section where I kept the letters and notes Edward had given me over the years. The napkin that held his phone number that first night at the bar when we met, the note he left me the morning after we made love for the first time, and of course the unopened letter he sent three years ago. A full year after I left him.

_CHEATING BASTARD!_

I was about to put the book away when a little sheet of paper fell to my feet. I quickly picked it up and opened it. As I glanced over the words, that did it, and I couldn't help it. I held myself around my waist and let it out.

_Dearest Isabella,_

_It is with great honor that I am writing to you. When you came to me last week, I was sure of your condition. However, I wanted to have proof before I told you of my suspicions. I am proud to be the one to tell you, congratulations! You are six weeks pregnant. I remember when I told your mother of the wonderful news when she was having you. _

_I am assuming you will want to travel home and let your wonderful husband know at your own time, thus I will not keep your file with the others and have classified your papers like I do with all the Volturi family. _

_As the Volturi_ _family's personal physician, I give you the clear to travel home and will send the appropriate papers to you for your own doctor in America. _

_Yours in Confidence,_

_Dr. Antonio Russo _

I had waited my entire married life to receive the news I did that day.

DAMN EDWARD CULLEN! He stole it all; my dignity, my self-respect and my chance at happiness by being a mother.

_Well, he doesn't know about the last part. _

As far as I was concerned, he would ever know. Not as long as I could help it. He had won at everything else he wanted to do to me; I wouldn't have him know he won even at taking away my child.

I IIwas about to throw the letter into the fireplace, when I quickly tucked it back into the book. I walked into my room and put the book in my carry-on. I slipped under the silky sheets and pulled the covers up. _Jack_ was calling to me from the side table. I leaned over, turned off the light and whispered, "Not tonight, I have a headache."

**A/N: (Translations: Passerotto** **mio: my little bird, Mi Manchi: I miss you)**


	2. Chapter 2 Reunion

AN: Thank you to Mel and Lisa my PTB beta's and to Magan Bagan, my validation beta on Twilighted. 

Thank you to everyone who took the time to review my previous chapters, I appreciate you all so much! 

**THIS STORY IS RATED M.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

Chapter Two

**Reunion**

During a long plane ride, I normally would have spent the time leafing through a magazine or playing cards with someone, while lounging in the Volutri family's Gulfstream jet. Today's plane ride was different; it was accompanied by a churning stomach and an ever-present threat of a panic attack. Today, I was going to come face-to-face with my nemesis, Edward "the cheater" Cullen.

I knew I was going to get an earful from Esme because I had refused to use the Cullen jet that they had on standby for me. The problem was they just didn't understand why I left so quickly and quietly. Esme was the one I had hurt the most when I walked away four years ago. It was evident in her lack of an attempt to contact me all these years except for an impersonal invitation here and there. I still hoped that with my return, she would understand and hear me out before she cast me out of her life forever. I knew Esme and Carlisle were sure that all Edward and I'd had was a lover's quarrel, but it still didn't less the feeling of abandonment I felt when they didn't even try to reach out to me. I knew deep inside they just hoped that we would make up soon.

Who was I kidding? I couldn't blame them for treating our separation lightly; I never told them why I left Edward. I knew for a fact that if the fucker couldn't even talk to me about the truth, there was no way he told his parents.

There were times these last few years in which I couldn't help myself. I would open the monthly bank statements and go over the activities regarding our joint account. Edward would still religiously deposit everything he had. He never changed accounts or wanted my name off of it. Then again, he always waited for me to make the first move; he loved cornering me into talking to him. This time, however, I had been looking forward to talking with my husband. This time I was truly seeking him out. I was determined to win this war. It was time to stop the cycle of stupidity. I would ask for a divorce. I wouldn't ask for alimony and I would walk away with what I brought into the marriage. That would be easy, because it was absolutely nothing. I was sure Edward and his family would be worried that I would try and clean them out. That just wasn't who I was. At least afterward, Edward "the Asshole" Cullen would be free to romance his girlfriends in public and there would be no family shame, so Carlisle and Esme would have to agree. It would be a new start for all of us—a real chance to move on.

_Why are you making it too easy for him? He fucking ripped your heart apart, remember? Shouldn't you want to run his dick through the shredder?_

Of course, I wanted to sometimes.

I sighed. I couldn't do that. First, it would make this whole ordeal too long and drawn out. Second, the worst thing that'd happen would be that it'd make everything very public. I felt a pang in my chest, and I hunched forward and focused on my breathing. It was so fucking hard. Why Edward "the cheater" Cullen had decided not to stand true to our vows, I didn't know. As I moved to run my hands through my hair impatiently, a shiny glint caught my eye. I glanced down at my hand and rubbed the smooth platinum of my wedding band, a constant and painful reminder of whom I belonged to. Even though we were apart these last four years, I always behaved in a way that would hold true to "love, honor and obey." The fact of the matter was, although I was leaving the bastard, I still loved him. It was simple. It was the truth.

_Fucking simple, your ass!_

Okay, shut up.

I watched Jacob lean back and take a long, smooth drink of his orange juice. I would have sworn he mixed vodka in it, but with Leah watching him, I'm sure she would have caught him before the first drop even hit the glass. I leaned back against the seat and closed my eyes.

I was so thankful that Uncle Aro made sure I had the family plane available to me twenty-four hours a day. He always felt guilty about what happened to my mother. I had forgiven him a long time ago, but my father, Charlie, wouldn't ever let him forget it. I tried to reason with my dad that going back to Italy and reconciling with the family was important to Mom. I wanted him to understand Uncle Aro couldn't be held accountable for the rogue thugs who had wanted to continue a Mafia war that had run its course. Charlie, however, never recovered from losing Mom and almost losing me. If Uncle Aro's friend, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, hadn't been in the country and hadn't been colleagues with the best skin grafting team in the United States, I don't think my arms, back and legs would ever have looked the same. Then again, if I hadn't made such a connection with Carlisle, I wouldn't have met my future fucking asshole of a husband either.

_Stop with the name calling, you'll slip up and say what you are thinking to his face._

Maybe I want to slip up. Did you ever think of that? Besides, it's not like it will do any good. The fucker is gonna be all, "Oh, Bella love, how are you? Are you finally talking to me?" He is gonna act like I am crazy and have no reason to be mad at him!

_Well, he wanted to give you an explanation, but you wouldn't hear him out._

Here we go again. I did, remember? He said there was no naked woman in _our_ bed. Fucker had to be blind, which we both know he is not. Forget it! It is too late to worry about now; I need Jack!

I got up and tried to make a mad dash around the cabin. The stewardess, I swear she was a lifetime member at Sunset Tan, kept asking me if I needed help. In between sifting through mini liquor bottles, I looked up and growled at her. I fidgeted around until I found my lover. I started unscrewing the bottle in a wild frenzy when Jacob grabbed it from me.

"Back off the Daniels, Bells!" Jacob stated as his wolf-like paw shot out in front of me, when he did, he fisted it hard in his hand. "Come over here, sit down, and let's talk about this okay?"

I glared at my best friend and future ex-head of security.

Okay, so I couldn't fire him; I loved him too much.

"What the hell is it to you, Jacob? I need it-more than ever! Look at me, I'm shaking!" I held out my hands to show him. "You have no idea how bad all of this feels. Give me that bottle!" I lunged at him and tried wrenching my liquid strength from his fists.

Jacob tried to hold me back with one hand and raised the bottle high above his head with the other. Suddenly, I felt Leah hugging me around the waist and pulling me back, asking me in her quiet soothing voice to stop jumping around. "Stop, Mrs. Isabella, please. We are in the air. It is not good for you! Please, we are set to land soon."

"She has a point, Bells. Come on, be a good girl, and sit down." Jacob cooed in his baby talk voice. "How about I get you some apple juice? You want apple juice?" He looked to the stewardess who was standing close to the cockpit clutching the emergency phone like it was a lifeline to God. She nodded and made her way to the bar and looked around.

Leah went with her and helped her with the juice.

"I don't want apple juice, Jacob! I need a drink! Please-just a little-just to get me through the rest of the flight. I didn't even have any last night. Please!" He shook his head at me and mouthed 'NO'.

"Fucking traitor!" I yelled at him. "Fine, I'll wait. Okay, I want apple juice."

I plopped down on the seat and took the drink that Leah brought over while stirring it. I drank down the golden, bittersweet liquid, that tasted nowhere near as good as a nice glass of Jack Daniels would. I watched as everyone tried to settle when the plane started to make its descent. As the cabin grew very silent, I made a vow that I would be reunited with my liquid love in the not too distant future.

The ride from the Cullens' private airfield in Chicago proceeded without incident. There were no paparazzi around to take in-your-face pictures. Nevertheless, I made sure to have my guard up. Long-range photo lenses had always caught me off guard when I was with Edward. Luckily, there were very few times I was caught without a smile on my face. Except the last time we were together, like _really_ together.

Well, that couldn't be helped, right? How was I to know that they'd be able to catch us on video from so far away?

_Say whatever you want to make yourself feel better. You knew that there was a chance the idiots were watching the house._

I didn't really want our issues made public! I just was angry and didn't care at the time.

_Surrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre. _

Stop it! I'm not talking to myself anymore.

Jacob chatted with Leah as they both sat across from me. Jacob informed me that security had been instructed only to allow the Cullens' personal drivers to pick us up and take us to the hotel. I glanced outside the tinted windows and saw Michigan Avenue go by. Chicago had always been an easy city for me to get lost in. I loved shopping with Alice and Rosalie on this street. We would run in and out of every store; Alice would always take forever and beg me to buy something. We were all so happy back then.

When we pulled up in front of the Blackstone, Jacob helped me and Leah out of the limo, and they both started working with the concierge, arranging our bags. I looked up at the amazing structure and took a deep breath. Thankfully, Edward and I hadn't stayed here before, so there wouldn't be any memories to deal with. The Cullens changed the venue of their fundraising gala every year, so they could give all hotels on or near The Magnificent Mile a chance to earn their business. It also allowed for good relationships with all the entrepreneurs who were always jockeying to get some kind of recognition and respect, which could only be when working with Carlisle Cullen.

As we walked in, I was welcomed by a short tubby manager who did the normal meet and greet. He handed Jacob our room keycards and gave us the information regarding our stay.

As the elevator doors opened, we realized that Jacob's and Leah's rooms were a little ways down the hall from mine. I grabbed my room key and didn't even have to face him to know what was going through his head.

"Jacob, come on. I can make it to my room in one piece. I have found my way around a hotel before. You get Leah to her room and check into yours; afterward come hangout with me when you've unloaded everything." Jacob looked around and at me hesitantly. "Come on, there will be no way that paparazzi will be able to make it to the twenty-third floor unless they have a room key. You know how thorough the background checks are in hotels like this."

"Okay, Bells, but just this once because we've got tons of bags. Go with the porter and stay in the room until I come and get you." He gave the porter a stern stare and watched me until I made it to my room. I waved at him and opened the door with my card. I let the porter go in first with my luggage and then waved again at Jacob as I walked in.

I gave the porter a nice tip before he excused himself and shut the door on his way out. After opening the curtains, I stepped back to take in the view of the city. It was so different from New York. I was slightly disappointed that I didn't have a view of Lake Michigan; it would have been nice to have seen Lakeshore Drive from up here. I decided to talk to Jacob later about taking a stroll to Grant Park.

It was so hard to go anywhere. Living in this fishbowl surrounded by the paparazzi that waited to catch glimpses of anything I did, only to twist it into something that wasn't true, it was so overwhelming.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard knocking at my hotel room door.

_Must be Jacob and Leah._

"Did you and Leah get settled okay?" I asked while opening the door. Suddenly, I was attacked by a flurry of black hair and petite hands around my neck.

"BELLA! Thank God you came! It's been forever! Don't you ever stay away from me for so long again!" Even after all these years, Alice Cullen was still a force to be reckoned with. I laughed and held her around the waist as she kissed my cheek and hugged me tight. At first, I was surprised that she even knew I had checked in, let alone what room I was in, but then it clicked. They had made the reservations for me.

"Okay, I promise not to be such a hermit anymore, Alice, now get up off of me and let me see you." Alice managed to stand up and twirl me around.

"Wow, Bella, you've changed! I love your outfit! Is that a Diane von Furstenberg dress? Oh my God, Bella!"

I blushed a little at her critique of me. If anyone would notice my dress style it would definitely be Alice Cullen. The fashion stylist to the stars had a sixth sense about fashion do's and don'ts.

"How are you, Alice? Oh God, have I missed you." I leaned in to give her an earnest hug. I stepped back and looked over my pixie friend. "Wow, you look amazing. You are positively glowing!"

Alice had hardly changed. Her hair was still cut short, but of course she had messy bangs that crossed over her forehead. Her style was impeccable. She wore a bright green Christian Dior wrap dress and mustard Christian Louboutin heels that only someone as fashion forward as Alice, could pull off.

She dragged me over to the sofa and pulled me down. "You have to tell me everything. Bella, I can't believe I haven't seen or spoken to you in almost four years! Please tell me that you and Edward are working this tiff out."

I clenched my jaw and tried not to scream. I hated it when everyone called it a _tiff_. They had no idea what had happened, but they would never believe it would be as bad as it was. I stood quickly, suddenly parched and started to look for the bar.

"Alice, want a drink?" Knowing full well that I was trying to stall, she just shook her head and waited.

I smiled as I saw my lover, my liquid courage, wave at me from the bar. There was a knock at the door, and I heard Alice get up to answer it. I was busy pulling Jack free of his wrapping when I heard a squealing laugh. I turned to see Alice being twirled around by Jacob. I smiled at them as I hurried up, pouring myself a glass.

"It has been too long, my little pixie. Look at you-you have grown! Bells, did you take a look at how amazing Ali… Isabella, put it down now!" My hands shook with the sudden change in pitch. I shot a look over my shoulder and met the stone cold eyes of a very angry Jacob Black. He started to stomp his way over, but I took advantage of the distance to try and quickly swallow my magic tonic. He managed to reach out and knock the base of the glass out of my hands. I gasped as _Jack_ flew everywhere.

"Damn it, Jacob! Can't you leave me alone? It's just one glass." I poked my finger into his chest. He continued to walk toward me, until he backed me up against a wall.

"Let's get one thing straight, Swan. No more. Do you understand? No more. This _thing_ you have with Jack is over." He started shaking his finger at me. I swatted it away, and we both started yelling at the same time.

"You crazy oaf! Where do you get off?" I screamed.

"You spoiled brat! I am just trying to help you!" he growled.

Suddenly, Leah and Alice came between us and pulled us apart, Jacob and I separated and stood fuming. The clearing of throats made all of us look over to the door. There stood a nervous-looking Cullen Clan - Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie and a smiling Emmett. I was relieved that Fucktard wasn't with them.

When I locked eyes with Esme, I felt my iron will weaken. I couldn't help myself, and my legs jerked me forward. I ran into her open arms and held onto her in a tight embrace. I inhaled her sweet cinnamon scent. Esme was always loving and motherly to me. When Carlisle had come to visit me in Forks after my skin grafting surgeries, I met Esme for the first time. Even though she already had Emmett, Edward and Alice, Esme recognized I needed her mothering, and she allowed room in her heart for one more.

I never missed her more than I did in those days when I first left Edward. I knew she was a phone call away, and I desperately wanted to tell her that I was pregnant; however, I couldn't shatter her that way. Telling her in one breath of her son's infidelity and then in the next that I was pregnant with his child would surely send her loving heart into a downward spiral. Esme Cullen was the life force of this family. Until I had come to a decision in regards to my marriage to her son, I wouldn't be the one to taint her. So I kept my secret, from her and from her son.

I felt her soft hands smooth my hair as she cradled me closer. Her strong voice told me it had been too long, and that I could never stay away from her again. I sobbed harder when I heard her melodic voice say that her heart was finally whole now that I was back in her arms. My mother died in a bomb blast when I was fourteen years old, but she came back to me in the form of Esme Cullen.

"Okay, okay, enough with the waterworks. Give me a chance to hug her." I was pulled from Esme, who started wiping her eyes with Carlisle's handkerchief, and into the arms of Emmett Cullen. He held me close, and I let myself settle in the safety of his arms. Emmett was the big brother I never had. No, he was more than that; Emmett Cullen was my hero and greatest confidant. He was the only one in Edward's family who knew that I had been pregnant. He flew out to Italy the moment that Jacob called him and told him. He was there when I woke up in the hospital room after it was all over. Emmett didn't ask any questions regarding Edward but begged me to come home with him. He cried with me when I asked him to remain silent and to keep this secret from the family. When I lost communication with him, I was sure his silence toward me all these years meant he too had given up on me.

When I couldn't take the lack of oxygen anymore, I squeaked out, "Breathe… I need to breathe…Em."

Emmett pulled back, reached out and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "Hey Bells, how're you hanging?"

I smiled up at him; one look into his loving eyes, and I knew my suspicions were unfounded. He hadn't abandoned me, just kept my secrets safe.

"You know, a little bit of this… little bit of that." I shrugged my shoulders. He laughed loudly and patted me on the back. I turned to Carlisle and gave him a heart filled hug. He kissed me on the forehead and smiled. I could tell from his eyes that he was worried about Emmett's and my exchange. I glanced at Rosalie, who stood with her hands on her hips.

"If you ever leave me and walk out like that again, so help me God, Bella, I will unleash such hell on you, it will be something you will never forget!" I was almost scared, until I realized this was Rosalie Hale. Ah, Rosalie Cullen, wife of Emmett. Her bark was always worse than her bite. At least it was when it came to me. I smiled at her and held out my arms.

"Aw, Rose, I missed you too." She kept her stern look as she walked over but smiled the second before she embraced me. Alice, not wanting to be left out, quickly ran over and hugged us both. For those few minutes, it was as if nothing had changed.

A few tears and laughs later, we had all settled in the living room of my suite. Leah had room service bring up tea and coffee, while Jacob collected the bottles of liquor and discreetly tried to dispose of them. Esme gave me a weird look, but kept her comments to herself. Everyone brought me up to speed on the Chicago happenings while I'd been away. It was bittersweet to hear all the things I had missed while I was in my self-imposed exile. While I didn't mind missing all the fashion shows that Alice dragged Jasper to, I did, however, feel bad that I missed the family vacations they took around the world.

_If the fucker hadn't cheated, then you would have been here. Remember that._

Yes, but I can still be upset; I missed them damn it!

It was the news that Rose finally made partner in Jasper's law firm that made me finally realize what was missing from this family reunion.

"Where is Jasper? I can't wait to see him." There was a sudden silence in the room.

"Um, he is flying in tonight. He had a case he needed to finish working on. He will definitely meet us tonight at the gala." I could tell Alice was trying to cover something up, and of course it had to do with Edward. I sighed and put my coffee cup down.

"So Edward and Jasper are coming in together? I take it that Edward will definitely be coming to the gala tonight?"

I swore I could heard crickets chirping somewhere.

Alice broke the uncomfortable silence. "Of course, he is coming, Bella. He hasn't seen you in four years! I know he is just as excited as we are that we can finally be a family again. He wouldn't miss tonight for the world."

She looked over at Esme, who smoothed out the corners of her dress. "He truly has missed you, Bella. Whatever it is that has come between you two, please forgive him."

I was coming undone right there. I could see how much they wanted everything back to the way we were when we were happy. Frankly, I would have given anything in the world to appease them. I loved and missed them so much. I almost wanted to forgive Edward, just so I could have them back. Walking out on the Cullens this time would prove to be so much harder. I knew with what I would have to tell them, sides would be taken and lines would be drawn. I couldn't hope that they would remain neutral. Edward was their son, brother and best friend. It would have to be me that vanished and was erased.

I felt the sharp pain tug at my chest and wanted to close my eyes. I glanced up at Jacob, who gave me a slight nod. I looked back at everyone who was staring at me, except Emmett, who was suddenly interested in the scones in front of him.

"I miss being with you all. However, I have to tell you that..." I was cut off by the knocking at the door. Jacob went to open it and stepped back to reveal Uncle Aro.

I stood up and ran to him. I jumped into his arms, and he held me tight, laughing.

"Finalmente! Let me look at you my Bella. Mi mancano i tuoi occhi." I felt heat rush to my face as he appraised me.

"Uncle Aro! You always make me blush! Come in and visit with your old friends." I pulled him with me into the suite. Jacob let the gentleman who was with Aro enter and shut the door. Aro made his way around the group, kissing and flirting with all the ladies, before he hugged me- he loved making women blush. He turned and ushered the lone nameless guest forward.

"Everyone, this is Felix De Luca. Felix, these are my old friends, the Cullens." Felix walked over and greeted Emmett and Carlisle first. From Carlisle's quick hello, I could tell he and Felix had met before. For a moment, I swore I saw a concerned look on his face, before Carlisle masked it with a jovial smile. Uncle Aro then came and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Felix, this is my niece, Bella. Bella, this is Felix. He was second cousin to your mother. So in a way, you are family." I smiled and offered him my hand to shake. He took my hand in his and leaned down and kissed it. I was a bit taken aback but held my pose; I didn't want to offend him.

"Whoa! That's my sister-in-law's hand you are kissing there, buddy," Emmett bellowed out. I glanced over and saw worried expressions on all the Cullens' faces. Even Jacob stood firm with his hands planted on his hips.

Uncle Aro let out a laugh and patted Felix on the back. "Felix, you must first wait to see if the lady is spoken for before you attempt to woo her." I pulled my hand back and sat down next to Esme.

After a few moments of pleasantries, Carlisle and Esme excused themselves to take care of some last minute items for the night's agenda. Alice was upset that I wouldn't let her help me get ready, but I promised her that she wouldn't be disappointed. Rosalie pulled Emmett away from the tea biscuits and out the door with her.

I took off my shoes and relaxed into a hug from my uncle. We sat for a few moments of complete silence until he brought up the real reason for my return to this family.

"Bella, I brought Felix with me today so that we could get started. He is my most trusted family lawyer." I glanced at Felix as he opened his briefcase and started taking out some forms.

"Isabella, I took the liberty of drawing up these forms." He handed me a stack of documents with arrows and highlights. "I made sure to brush up on American permanent separation laws. The fact that your husband, refused to have you sign a prenuptial agreement will definitely work in our favor. Look over the alimony and division of property; I think you will find it in your favor. I just have to discuss with you…"

I cut him off quickly.

"I don't want alimony. I don't want division of property and assets. I just want us to be divorced. I give him everything we accumulated."

_Here it comes._

"Wait! Isabella, you can't be serious. You will let that cad of a man walk away with everything!" I sat up and tried to be as calm as I could in the wake of Uncle Aro.

"Uncle, please listen to me. My mother's inheritance is more than enough to cover my expenses. I have more money than I know what to do with. Edward was adamant that I have access to his money and accounts. It was given to me as long as I was Mrs. Edward Cullen. Now, I want out. I will not drag this out. I will not take what is no longer mine. I want us to split amicably, if possible."

Felix took back the documents. and looked at Aro. They seemed to have a silent conversation.

"Isabella, does this have anything to do with the baby?" I shot up off the sofa. I couldn't believe it. My eyes went wide with shock.

"Uncle! Please tell me you didn't!" He stood up, grabbed my arms and rubbed them softly.

"I know this is hard for you, sweetheart. Please understand. I had to tell Felix about everything. It would serve us best to be honest with each other. That way there would be no surprises if Edward were to somehow find out about it." He slowly brought me back down to sit with him. I shook my face and held it in my hands.

"Isabella, as your lawyer I will honor anything you tell me. Don't be afraid to speak your mind. I know this is hard, especially with what you had to go through. You never should have gone through that all alone." I looked up into Felix's warm and inviting eyes. I faked a small smile. Leah brought over a glass of water for me to drink. Aro steadied it since my hands were shaking too hard to hold it without spilling.

"We can get you everything you want, even if your husband finds out that you had been pregnant."

"No! He must never find out. Felix, Uncle Aro, I know you both are trying to do what is best for me." I took a deep breath. "I don't want Edward or anyone to find out about the baby. It took me so long to get over everything. Bringing it up will destroy more people than it needs to." I wiped the angry tears that were stinging my face as they flowed down my cheeks.

"Uncle, think about it. The family, they all have taken such good care of me, even when they didn't have to. Imagine the look on Esme's face, or Alice's! When I tell them the reason for a divorce, that alone will crush them…" I stuttered, finding it hard to finish. "I couldn't bear it if they were to find out that I was pregnant and that… and that it too was taken away from them."

Felix stood and handed me his handkerchief. I accepted it gladly and wiped away my pain.

When I regained my strength, I turned to them both. "I want a clean break; I don't want this to drag out in the courts or in the media. Please, I beg you to respect my wishes."

Uncle Aro and Felix stood up and reluctantly agreed. I walked them both to the door and hugged Uncle Aro.

"I will let Carlisle know we have to meet in the morning. We will take care of this quickly," Felix stated before leaving.

"Bella, be sure to save your uncle one dance tonight, okay?" I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek and shut the door behind them.

I walked over to Jacob, who held me in a tight hug. I let the anger, fear and resentment take over. Tonight would be the last night that I would see my adopted family's faces smile at me. Tomorrow, I would be the one they held responsible for destroying their happiness.

I cried harder and clung to Jacob's jacket with a firm grip. He stood there silently and let me slobber all over him. After a few minutes, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the miniature bottle he had taken from the family plane. The clear glass held my midnight lover and my liquid strength. I eyed the tiny bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand.

_Pussy! All it takes is a few tears to make Jacob Black totally cave!_

I looked up at him and laughed a little in between sobs. I shook my head as Leah dragged me into the bedroom to get ready.

I knew it was important for me to remain sober. Tonight, I wanted to remember every moment, before I would ignite a fire that would surely leave no one unscathed.


	3. Chapter 3 How To Make An Entrance

AN: Thank you to Mel and Lisa my PTB beta's and to Magan Bagan, my validation beta on Twilighted. 

Thank you to everyone who took the time to review my previous chapters, I appreciate you all so much! 

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

Chapter Three

**How to Make an Entrance**

I nervously tapped my foot on the marble floor of the elevator. The golden cage which surrounded me was so well polished, I could see the reflection of the perfectly matched outfit which Leah had helped me put together. It was complete with a nervous frown, sweaty palms and fidgety dress adjusting. To make matters worse, I could also see the smirk on Jacob's face as he marveled at my anxiety. I rolled my eyes and wrapped my arms around myself. I started biting the tip of my thumbnail, while watching the numbers in the elevator light up as we made our way down to gala.

_What the fuck are you nervous about? You already met the family. Leah even gave you a vitamin energy drink to give you strength._

I'm fucking nervous about getting reacquainted with my cheating ass of a husband in front of Chicago high society!

_Well, you should have thought about that before you spent two hours getting ready. _

If I'd just had a little _Jack_, I would have figured it out sooner!

_No, if you had a little Jack you would_ _be running down the stairs right now, trying to tell the bastard off!_

Fuck. I was right.

I started twirling the end of one of my curls and tapped my foot faster when I heard Jacob let out a frustrated sigh.

"For Pete's sake, Bells." I felt Jacob lightly place his damn Gucci loafer softly over my open-toed heels, to stop my foot from tapping. He took a step forward and pulled me into his embrace. With my back against his chest, I looked up at his face reflected off of the off of the shiny golden walls that surrounded us.

"What are you doing?" I asked slowly.

He kept his penetrating gaze on mine in the mirrored walls as he took a deep breath and whispered, "Close your eyes."

Taking a minute to process his words, I slowly closed my eyes and waited to hear him out.

"Don't you dare count yourself out before the game has even begun." I let out a defeated sigh and bent my head. However, Jacob knew what I was thinking and shook me softly.

"Stop that, listen to me. Do you know how brave you are? Coming back after all these years to face your fears? Bella,, you've already faced the worst of it. You have nothing to be nervous about." I felt the weight of his words slowly as they tried to push away my insecurities. "You have nothing to lose tonight. In fact, you have already won. Now open your eyes and look at yourself."

I drew in a hesitant breath but did as he asked and tried to picture myself as he saw me. When I opened my eyes, it was almost as if a fog was lifted. I couldn't help but smile at my reflection. My hair curled into waves, gently lying on my shoulders and back. My dress was a simple tight strapless midnight blue Carolina Herrera gown, which fell past my ankles. The only bling bling anyone would see were my long Cartier earrings and the diamond rhinestones on my open-toed Giuseppe heels. I broke the bank to achieve this look, and when I remembered why, I quickly felt all the nerves start to dissipate. I straightened my stance as I adjusted my dress a little and smiled as I gave myself one final check in the mirrored walls of the elevator.

As we neared our destination, I heard murmuring voices in the lobby. The elevator dinged as the doors opened, and I noticed the voices had suddenly gone quiet. I turned and saw Jacob holding the doors open. His face held his typical boyish smirk, and he winked at me as he extended out his hand for mine.

"Ready, Bells?"

I took a deep breath, slipped my hand in his and walked out with my head held high.

Esme and Carlisle met me at the entrance of the hall in which the gala was being held. Jacob excused himself, but not before he leaned down and whispered that he wouldn't be far. I tried to remain calm and hold my emotions back as I walked in with Esme and Carlisle. As soon as we made our entrance, I could instantly feel all eyes on us. I kept my gaze straight ahead and made sure to keep a smile plastered to my face.

The Cullen Foundation truly knew how to throw an event. They had definitely outdone themselves this year. The ballroom was like a doorway into a different world. It was breathtaking and magnificent. The ceiling looked like the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, with vines and flowers cascading down. The centerpieces were five foot vases with lilies which had floral-shaped crystals intertwined. The décor, music and mood lighting brought this room to life. The servers were all dressed to blend in with the theme. The colors and textures complemented everything so well that something told me that Alice was behind that detail.

The dance floor was filled with tangled couples. I gave a slight nod and wave as I recognized Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory. I had been introduced to them when I had visited Emmett, Edward and Alice during my first trip to Chicago. They were all friends from prep school. I watched as they danced and laughed with their spouses. They were all flawless with their steps, knowing how to move so well. Well, that is what happens when you are taught everything class from birth. My gaze fell on a certain dynamic couple that stole the show. Emmett and Rosalie were dancing so closely together, it could have caused comment from this uptight Chicago community. However, they were Cullen's. The pedestal on which they put was so high; they had reached the level of deity in the eyes of Chicago's blue blood. It was a blessing and curse, because the higher the pedestal was placed, the fall was that much harder. As I approached our table, Alice caught my eye and jumped up to give me a hug. Right away she gave me the once over and winked in approval on my dress selection. She loved the beading and made sure to comment on the light makeup I had done. We chatted and watched Chicago's elite mingle and schmooze with each other. As much as I tried to hide it, from time to time I glanced around the room to look for that semi-messy mop of bronze hair. I wasn't sure if I was ready to see him, but nevertheless, I scanned the room for him.

In the middle of one of Alice's fashion show horror stories, I saw Jasper walk across the dance floor. Once Alice felt his hand on her shoulder, she stood and turned to jump into his arms. I watched as he lifted her into a long and slow kiss.

Anyone who had met Alice and Jasper would instantly know that they were destined to be together. They had been dating ever since they met freshman year while attending the same Chicago elite prep school. Jasper's very political family was more than happy with the Cullen surname that Alice sported; it cemented their place among the Nation's rich. Jasper, however, couldn't care less what her last name was, he was forever hers. Edward had once told me that Jasper was almost disowned when he decided to follow Alice and go to Columbia, instead of Harvard. The affection that they had for each other could be mistaken for an obsession, but the truth of the matter was they loved each other.

I smiled at the memory, and couldn't help but feel a painful tug. I always believed that the love Edward and I shared was just like that. I guess I was wrong.

When Jasper caught me staring, he pulled away from Alice long enough to give me a smile.

"Hi Jasper, it's good to see some things never change."

He let Alice down and reached out for me. I gave him a quick hug along with a kiss on the cheek and took in the calming sensation he always exuded. "Bella, you are a vision; it has been too long."

He grabbed two crystal flutes of Dom Perignon and handed Alice and me each a glass. I took the glass but decided against drinking it. We chatted and reminisced about the good old days. When Alice was pulled away by one of the sponsors, I set the untouched flute down on the nearest table and took my seat. I looked around the room for hundredth time that night and couldn't hold down the rising feeling of disappointment.

"Nervous, Bella?" I glanced up at Jasper, who had leant forward on the table, and I blushed a little at being caught off guard. My first instinct was to deny and hide my emotions. If it had been anyone else, I'm sure I would've been able to fool them. This, however, was Jasper Whitlock. He had a unique ability to sense my mood. As far back as I could remember, he was the one who always sensed my feelings before anyone else. Edward had always been jealous of Jasper's ability to read me.

"Am I that transparent?" I asked as pulled my eyes from his. Jasper laughed and waved the waiter over with the hors d'oeuvres.

"No, Bella, it's just I spent the better half of the day with someone who was wearing the same anxious expression you are now." I glanced down at the plate Jasper was pushing my way.

_Right, Edward "the cheater" Cullen was worried about seeing me tonight. Why would he be nervous? He was the one who didn't want me anymore. _

"So how long are you both planning on doing this avoidance dance?"

I frowned a little but maintained my eye contact with my plate. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm here, Jasper, out in the open. Not lurking in the shadows somewhere, doing God knows what."

_Doing God knows whom. _

"Bella, come on, that's not fair. You know full well I'm talking about whatever the hell it is that has kept you two apart." I licked my lips and started to eye the untouched crystal flute of champagne in front of me.

"Like I said, I'm here now. And I, for one, am ready to just get past all this, you know." I looked up and gave a stern stare. Jasper held my eyes for a moment before he shifted to lean forward.

"Actually, I think he was hoping to see you alone before you guys get swarmed by the snobs we have running around here tonight."

When I heard the words he spoke, I knew my resolve was weakening and looked down at the table as I tried to process what he was saying.

_Are you ready? Can you handle this? _Before I had a chance to fully come to a decision, I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Isabella! There you are my little dove!" I was pulled into an embrace by Uncle Aro. "You look amazing. Doesn't she, Felix?"

I turned and saw a curious faced Felix as he appraised me. His eyes were stern but softened the second he caught me watching him. He stepped forward and kissed me lightly on the cheek.

"You look beautiful, Isabella." As I shook the uneasiness I felt, I couldn't help but notice the teasing tone of his voice. Before I could question it, I heard giggling behind me, as Jessica and Lauren came over to give me a hug.

"Bella, we can't believe you finally came! It's been sooo long!" I gave them each a hug and a cheek to cheek kiss. I reluctantly got pulled to the table where the ladies were sitting and chatting. I glanced around again looking for Edward.

We dove right into what everyone had been up to. Jessica had finally gotten married to Mike Newton, while Lauren and Tyler were pregnant again and hoping for a boy. Thankfully, Alice and Rosalie gave very long and detailed versions of what they had been up to. However, ultimately, all eyes were on me.

"So Bella, what have you been up to? Where's Edward tonight?" I twisted the napkin I had in my lap and cleared my throat.

"He's around, you know how Edward is. He always double books himself, especially when it comes to these types of events." Rosalie laughed and gave me a reassuring pat on my arm.

Alice finished her second glass of champagne and giggled. "Once a workaholic, always a workaholic."

"The important thing is that we're all together here tonight, you know?" I felt a small pang of guilt lying to everyone but just smiled with the rest of them.

Thankfully, Carlisle and Esme caught our attention as they the took turns welcoming everyone. Each sponsor that contributed was thanked, and then the anonymous donations were read out. Through Carlisle's speech, I felt like someone was watching me. I bit my lower lip and wondered if it was Edward. When I couldn't stand not knowing anymore, I glanced over my shoulder and looked around the room. Instead of meeting the eyes of the beautiful man I had loved so deeply, I was startled when I met Felix's Fflix's dark gaze. I quickly turned and listened to Carlisle, who was talking about a new auction item they had acquired this year.

"My wife and I, always wanting to make each event we host more memorable than the previous, finally have found an item that will make this a night you all will never forget." I felt the anticipation of the crowds as the excitement everyone was feeling started to rise in t the room. "Now, it is common knowledge that every year the Cullen Foundation does its best to give you donors something definitely worthwhile to bid on. Tonight Gentlemen, the Cullen Foundation is asking you to bid on something simply extraordinary. Tonight we ask you to bid on a dance with the lady of your choice!"

While I gasped at the notion of being put on display in such a fashion, some men chuckled and ladies squealed all around the room. Lauren and Jessica were practically jumping up and down the prospect. I had to give credit where credit was due; it was an original idea. I mean how would it look if a guy didn't bid on his wife or date? Let alone, didn't bid a high amount. I couldn't help but be a little thankful that Edward and I were estranged right now. I was safe this time around.

The bidding started as all the high rollers started to call out their bids. Jessica's and Lauren's parents were here tonight and proved to be healthy competition when Mike and Tyler started bidding against them for their wives. As Alice's and Rosalie's turns came around, Jasper and Emmett equally bid twenty thousand right away. When Carlisle gave them some competition, they both upped the ante to a cool fifty thousand. When it looked like Carlisle was going to bid again, Jasper and Emmett both gave him a signal to stop. Everyone laughed knowing it meant they already had surpassed their budgets. Both ladies were more than happy with the final bids; Alice even jumped into Jasper's arms and kissed him deeply, earning a very unsettled look from Carlisle. It was heartwarming to see the room alive with excitement.

As I looked around the room for the millionth time that night, I slowly traced my finger over the rim of the untouched flute of Dom Perignon when I heard my name being called from the stage.

_Please God, no. _

"Mrs. Isabella Cullen! Aro Volturi has bid twenty thousand! Do I hear twenty-five thousand anyone?" I blushed deeply when I realized everyone was looking at me. I glanced back at Uncle Aro, who was smiling at me. Leave it to my uncle to make sure I was not left out. I nodded with a smile at him, hoping this would all end soon.

Emmett quickly bellowed out, "Twenty-five thousand!"

I gave him a shocked look and laughed when he winked at me. Jasper, not wanting to put an end to my misery shouted out, "Thirty thousand!" I glanced back at Rosalie and Alice, who were laughing at my predicament.

"What are you guys doing?" I asked and realized when they pointed to Uncle Aro that they were pushing up the bid for him. I was hoping that after Uncle Aro's next bid, everyone would leave it alone.

"Forty thousand!" an unexpected accented voice called from behind me. I searched for the person who bid and saw Felix standing with one hand his pocket, the other raising his glass to his mouth for a drink. He looked straight at me and flashed me a smile. An uneasy feeling started to rise within me. I understood Uncle Aro, Emmett and Jasper's bids. Felix's, however, was a bid that was definitely suspect. When I realized everyone was quiet, I turned to see Emmett and Jasper each wearing a pensive look. I could feel my heated blush rise within me as I realized most of the room was completely focused on us.

I searched for Uncle Aro who quickly nodded and called out, "Sixty thousand."

I smiled at his strategy; jumping to a much higher number would hopefully get the point across to Felix to stop his bid where it was. Tonight, however, Lady Luck was not on my side. I glanced back at Felix, who took a step forward and called out, "Seventy-five thousand."

_What the hell? Does the idiot need a billboard with flashing lights saying 'Back the fuck down?' _

I felt my stomach twist into nervous knots when I heard gasps from around the room. I saw Emmett and Jasper both take a few steps toward Felix as Uncle Aro gave him a stern stare. Alice came up close to me and reached out to rub my arm.

In those painfully slow moments, there were two things of which I was fully aware. If the bidding didn't end soon, Emmett and Jasper would surely beat the crap out of Felix. The second and more obvious outcome, was that the press would be running another scandalous story. Only this time, I would be capturing all the headlines. I tried to think of ways that would fix the conundrum of a situation I was in, when the murmuring of voices in the hall were suddenly hushed.

The sharp electric sensation that flooded my senses gave me all the information I needed to know about who was finally here.

Edward Cullen had finally arrived. I clenched my jaw and licked my lips but refused to turn and look for him. It was so quiet almost as if everyone had lost their ability to speak.

"I bid one hundred thousand dollars." I heard Edward's smooth and velvety voice cut through the silence and echo across the hall. As his angelic voice lingered in my ears, my mind clung to the sound of prayer being sung down to me from the heavens. I leaned forward and found a chair to hold onto in order to help keep my weak knees steady. I silently prayed he would speak again just so I could embed his melody in my memory.

I was so distracted by my own thoughts, I barely heard it when Jasper muttered, "That son of a bitch.""

I shot a look over to Felix, who was sporting a determined smirk as he looked over my shoulder, no doubt looking right at Edward.

I lowered my eyes tracing the ground and slowly turned. My gaze fell on a sleek black pair of Salvatore Ferragamo lace up shoes. I knew they were Edward's. I slowly raised my eyes, taking in his appearance. These past four years had been very good to him, his body nice and sleek under the layers of clothes. His custom-made Armani tuxedo looked more like it was painted onto him than it was being worn. He had one hand in his pocket while the other held a midnight blue orchid. I slowly gave into temptation, and I looked into his emerald orbs.

It was like everything was a blur and only Edward was in focus. Like every experience I'd ever had with Edward, this moment was _magic_. He was magnificent, just as I had remembered him. No, this was definitely better. He held me hostage with his powerful gaze. As his eyes burned a pathway into my soul, he slowly approached me. I saw the curves of his pants tighten with every stride, and wished I could see, if not touch, his muscular thighs. I could hear every determined step he took towards me. He held out a hand to me when he had come within reach and handed me the midnight blue orchid. I prayed that no one could see the heated mass of nerves I had suddenly become. I slowly raised my hand and watched as he took a hold of it. The second our palms connected, a smooth current shot through my body, which a almost flat-lined my heart. I held down the jerk of my shoulders, and I looked up into his eyes. It was _him_, I saw _my_ Edward. He was still here, the man I had fallen tragically in love with so many years ago. For a long moment, his eyes were soft and vulnerable. However, he pulled his attention away from my face and looked back over my shoulder. I instantly missed the warmth I felt from staring into them. When I saw his demeanor shift to stoic and hard, I followed his line of sight, and it settled on Felix's face.

I had to admit it did take balls of steel to give Edward the kind of look that Felix was displaying. Whatever his reason, it didn't matter. It was unacceptable how Felix was behaving. I decided I would have to talk to Uncle Aro and have him tear Felix to shreds, then maybe let Emmett and Jasper have a go. When he sensed my stare, Felix looked right at me, and I took the opportunity to shake my head, while I mouthed "No."

When he looked eyes with me for a minute longer, I held my breath in fear as I realized he was about to speak. To my surprise, Edward piped up before Felix had a chance to utter his words.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Father. You have no idea how hard it is to have a midnight blue orchid flown in from Hawaii this time of year." Everyone broke out into a light chuckle at his comment. He quickly took the orchid and slowly fixed it behind my right ear. He turned to Felix, as he wrapped an arm around my waist, and pulled me to his chest.

My heat-rate went into overdrive as my breasts pressed against his chest. I instinctively pressed an open palm to his shoulder to steady myself and took in a deep breath. Hmmm, h, h e smelled so good. When I looked up at his face, Edward still held the stern look that continued to be with Felix's.

"It was excellent of you to keep the bidding alive. I almost missed out on the chance to win a dance with the most beautiful woman here tonight. Thank you…Er…"

Felix pressed his lips together and forced a smile. "My name is Felix, Felix De Luca, and I hate to break it to you, but the bidding isn't over yet."

Emmett's voice boomed over us. "Oh, I think it is. Come on, Felix, let me grab you a drink. Ever had a _whistling anus_?"

I bit back a smile and heard a few people chuckle as Emmett dragged Felix away from us. I looked back to Edward, who still held a focused stare at Felix. He glanced down at me and tightened his arms around my waist.

"A secret admirer, my love?" I let out a small groan. Of course Edward would take it all wrong. I hadn't seen him in four years and hadn't made any attempt to contact him. Of course, he would think I would need a _distraction_ to keep me busy all these years.

_Well, it's not a bad idea, you know? Better to make him think that you've moved on, rather than the truth._

No. I will not stoop to his level. No matter how much it hurts, I will not taint myself like that.

I felt a familiar fire in my veins, and I could feel the words forming on the tip of my tongue. Just when my verbal weaponry was getting prepared to attack, Esme's approach halted everything. Both Edward and I were forced to put smiles back on our faces.

"Edward! Finally, you're here!" She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Bella has been bored all evening waiting for you. Every time I checked up on her, I would see her looking for you. Really, Edward, after all this time you still can't make it to see your wife on time? You will simply have to make it up to her."

_Dear God, please make Esme shut up. That is all, thank you. _

He shot an amused smirk and I squirmed as he tightened his hold around my waist. "Has she, really? I'm sorry, my love, I didn't realize you desired my company so urgently. I assure you had I known I would have most certainly have hurried up. It's just that I was waiting on the florist from Hawaii to bring the orchid I had wanted to give you tonight. However, if you will allow me, I swear to make it up to you."

He leaned in closer and his lips brushed my ears as he whispered, "Right away, if you should so desire."

I couldn't help but blush as he spoke to me. I lowered my gaze and shrugged my shoulders. I couldn't bring myself to speak to him. Not yet.

Esme patted his arm and pulled us along with her. As we walked, Edward kept one hand firmly planted on the small of my back and with the other he ushered me forward. I wanted nothing more than to melt into his side but held firm in my rigid stance. We mingled and smiled as we met with old family friends. When Mike and Tyler pulled Edward away for a "manly" chat, I took the much needed opportunity to escape and told him I was going to the ladies' room. As I slowly pulled away from Edward's body, I shivered at the loss of warmth from being by his side. I could feel his eyes watching me as I tried to keep myself steady while I walked away.

I hoped for some privacy in the ladies' room, but heard the clicking of Rose and Alice's heels as they followed me into the lounge.

"Bella, what the hell was up with Felix? Alice got right to the point as soon Rosalie checked to make sure no one else was in the powder room area. I tried to buy myself time from her questions and pulled out a lip tint to blot my lips lightly.

I took a small breath. "I have no clue what the hell is wrong with Felix. I know he was my mother's second cousin and close to Uncle Aro. So until I get to chat with him, your guess is as good as mine."

"That incestuous asshole," Alice murmured as she primped her hair.

"As shocking as it might sound, in Italy cousins still marry each other. In certain circles, it isn't as taboo as it is over here," I stated as I put away the gloss and let Alice sit me down to fiddle with my hair.

Rosalie sat up on the counter and smirked. "I have to hand it to Edward; he sure knows how to make an entrance." I looked over and smiled. "If Emmett ever walked in with a rare blue orchid flown over from Hawaii, we wouldn't be here long!"

"Oh Rose, all it takes is Emmett walking in with any type of flower for you to get on your knees," Alice quipped.

Rose laughed and called Alice a "little slut" as she threw her lipstick at Alice, who chuckled and cowered behind me. I tried to protect her when my hands brushed up against something hard and pointy. I grabbed her hand and pulled it up. There sitting pretty and comfortable on Alice's ring finger was the largest diamond I had ever seen.

"Alice Abigail Cullen! What the fuck is on your hand?" Alice giggled and pulled away from me. She gave Rosalie a knowing look. "I'm serious, what the fuck is that?"

"Bella, come on, you know what it is. I decided to take the plunge! I finally said yes to Jasper!"

We both squealed and twirled around in circles with each other as we screamed and jumped around. Suddenly, my emotions started to bubble over, and I reached out to grab her into a close bear hug. I couldn't hold back the tears, and I started sobbing on Alice's shoulder. Alice Cullen was getting married. She'd had every detail planned for her dream wedding ever since she was kid. Rose and I were usually informed of any changes to the dream event.

I was so happy for her, but my heart started to throb. Questions started swirling in my mind. What if Edward and I aren't together anymore? What if we get a legal separation or a divorce? Questions like, _would I be part of the event? Would they want me to be part of the event?_

This was the last night I had given myself before I would wield my traitorous axe and decimate their utopia. I didn't know how Alice would react, but I knew there was no way that blood wouldn't be thicker than water.

_How could it?_

"I know, I know! I'm emotional too!" Alice exclaimed. "Do you have any idea how many times I get teary-eyed? Mom is the only one that has me beaten me when it comes to the waterworks." Rose came over and handed both of us tissues, and we started to fix our makeup.

"I'll let you in on a secret. Never ever break good or bad news at one of these events and especially when we are fully made up. Someone always breaks down, starts to cry and a good, over-priced makeup job is totally ruined."

I wiped my tears and dabbed at my messy mascara as Rose came over and hugged me around the shoulder. We watched each other without saying a word. Alice, not wanting to be left out, reached out and held me around my waist. As the three of us looked at the reflection of ourselves, it was obvious to me that for both Alice and Rose this was a sign of new beginning. In their hearts they were feeling that we all would be a happy family again. My heart broke when I realized that for me this was in fact the beginning of the end. I wouldn't dare to spoil the moment or let on to them that anything was wrong. I wanted this night to be perfect. So I smiled and burned the image of us to memory. I had a feeling that I would need to remember this moment and try to gain strength from it.

I broke free when we exited the ladies' room, and I watched them walk back into the hall, linked arm in arm. As soon as they entered the hall again, Alice and Rose walked up and gave their men hugs and kisses. The love and adoration they had for their guys resonated in waves all around the room. The sentiment was something I missed every day when I thought about Edward. I sadly looked up and around for Edward. I wanted desperately to go to him, to be in his arms again. When I spotted him dancing with Esme, I watched as he laughed at something she said.

He was just so utterly handsome.

"For someone who is about to file for divorce, you seem to be very cozy with your ex." I rolled my eyes when I was brought out of my painful, silent thoughts by a familiar Italian accented fool.

"Felix, contrary to what you must think, you can get divorced and still be civil to one another." I refused to look at him, and I kept my gaze on Edward twirling Esme.

"I guess what I should be asking is, why be civil when he cheated on you? On the other hand, do you not mind being cast aside when he gets bored again?" I swallowed hard and clenched my jaw. I held a suppressed pain in my stomach that was trying to travel fast into my chest.

"Look at him, Felix, look at where we are. Look at _who_ we are." I shot a glance over at him and held Felix's dark eyes. "I knew the role I was being asked to play when I accepted and gave Edward my hand in marriage. While I have to admit his betrayal has left a mark that will probably never heal, I refuse to forget about the short time where I truly felt love like I had never imagined. So, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I can't hate him, Felix. I just can't."

"So if Edward tossing you aside is not cause for hate, please remind me about what happened with the baby…" The deathly glare I shot across to him made him stop mid-sentence.

"Don't you dare! I'm warning you, Felix. Don't you ever speak of things you have no idea about?" I spat out my words with so much venom and hate that it took him by surprise. "I don't have to justify my feelings or decisions to you. If you can't appreciate the situation, then get the fuck out."

I turned and walked away, finding the nearest door I could.

I reached out for the handle and felt the cool air embrace me the moment I stepped outside. I looked around and was thankful that no one was out here. I felt the loose strands of my hair dance around my face as the cool Chicago breeze filtered through it. I walked cautiously to the balcony and stood watching the city in all its glory. I felt a small tightness in my stomach explode like bullets from an automatic weapon. The pent-up emotion Felix had stirred began started to make its way to the surface.

_Damn Felix, damn Edward, both of those fuckers are toying with my emotions!_

All of a sudden, I wasn't so sure of myself. The anxiety started to break through my tough mental armor. The brave Bella from the elevator was trying to find the emergency stop button fast. I took deep breaths and tried to steady myself.

I don't know what to do. I just wanted this to be easy, God. Why is this so hard?

_Dumb, Dumb, Dumb! Either calm down or get out. Don't make a fool of yourself in front of him. _

Before I had time to react, I heard the balcony door open and shut quickly. I felt a small tingling against my skin. I froze and it suddenly disappeared. I stared out in front of me and watched the night sky. I felt it again, but remained longer this time. The sensation was so freeing, but when I felt a shiver, I wrapped my arms around myself and closed my eyes. It was fire and ice all at the same time. A raging primitive sensation had awakened within me. I didn't have a choice; I couldn't knock out this feeling out. I tried but couldn't block it and I was suddenly embraced by his essence. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, praying that this moment wouldn't fade away.

I wanted so much to turn around and face him. However, I didn't trust myself to behave. It took every ounce of strength I had in me not to turn and jump him. I tried to remember the anger. I tried to remember _her_, naked in our bed. I tried to remember _everything_. Even so, there seemed to have been a fuse blown between the logical side of my brain and the side that would always, in some crazy universe, belong to Edward Cullen.

I felt the tense, static air get thicker, and I knew he was walking toward me. I could feel his body right behind me now. I wanted nothing more than to lean back and feel him. I spread my palm across my chest, as if to hold my heart in place as it threatened to break out. I shifted my other hand around my waist and waited. He would have to make the first move. I knew it was sick twi and w sted, but in a way I wanted this moment to last forever.

There were no words that were making me hurt; there were no accusations being hurdled. It was just me and Edward. As I stood there in that moment, I realized what the feeling was that I couldn't understand. I realized it was feeling I had been missing for so long. It wasn't love, no; it was pure, primal attraction. I swallowed hard and mentally scolded myself for my weakened state.

"Bella?"

When I felt his breath on my bare neck and shoulders, it was like I was on fire. My skin was alive with flaming goose bumps. The sensation was so fierce, that in this moment I was willing to break every rule I had made to myself about tonight. When I was sure my legs would collapse underneath me, I reached out for the railing to steady myself.

Suddenly, I felt him shift, and in my peripheral vision, I watched his hand settle on the railing to one side of my hand. I swallowed hard and waited as he settled his other hand on my other side. I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding, and I stood there trapped between a wrought iron balcony railing and Edward Cullen, as a traitorous thought crossed my mind.

_There was nowhere else on earth I would rather be tonight than standing here on this balcony with Edward Cullen. _

A/N: Believe it or not a whistling anus is actually a drink!


	4. Chapter 4 A Turbulent Affair

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review and comment on my story! I appreciate you all so much! **

**As always last but not least thank you to Mel and Lisa my PTB beta's and Magan Bagan my Twilighted beta.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Four**

**A Turbulent Affair**

"Bella, please turn around." I closed my eyes and felt my heart flutter. With my hands grasping the balcony railing, I slowly turned to face him. Edward stepped even closer but never moved his hands from around me. I looked up into his smoldering emerald eyes. My heart clenched at the look of steel and desire, a look I was all too familiar with. It was a look that normally would've caused me to melt into a pile of goo.

_It was the same look he gave all of the hussies he took back to his bed._

When his penetrating gaze was too much to bear, I pulled my eyes from his and took a deep breath. _Get a hold of yourself._

Edward was dangerous. He was a danger to me and to my already wrecked nerves and raw emotions. Edward was most definitely dangerous to my traitorous body that wanted nothing more than to climb on top of him and kiss his smooth lips with reckless abandon. Giving in to his look, and the surging hormones, would only mean greater heartache. I couldn't allow the wall I had built for myself in the last four years to be upended by a man who once had the power to make me feel defenseless with just one look. _Still_ does.

I felt a slight blush creep its way up to my face and prayed my body didn't betray what my mind was holding back. His face was so close to mine that I felt his breath on my forehead. Our chests moved in sync, as we filled our lungs with the cool night air. We were so quiet I swore I almost heard our hearts beat in the same rhythm. I licked my lips and settled my sight on his throat. That was as far up as I could see without completely losing control of my senses. I watched his Adam's apple start to bob as he cleared his throat to speak.

"Bella, I'm sorry about before. I didn't mean to be late. It's just that damn florist took his own sweet time getting the orchid to me." He reached up and delicately pulled a few loose strands of hair that had started to cover the petals. "I didn't want to see you after all this time and come empty-handed."

He softly stroked my hair with the back of his hand, before dropping it back to his side. I instantly missed his touch, but soon felt his familiar piercing stare and continued to blush. I quickly looked over my shoulder, in an effort to save myself further embarrassment, and tried to focus on the lights of the city surrounding us.

"How did you know to get a blue orchid?" I whispered softly, keeping my eyes focused anywhere but on him. "No one, not even Alice, knew the color of my dress."

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I heard the amused tone in his voice and turned to see him fidgeting with the collar of his tuxedo. I glanced up at his mouth, just as he flashed one of his dazzling smiles at me and that was it. One smile was all it took, and I was ready to melt into a puddle right there in front of him.

"Well, after my mother called and said you were coming, I remembered the last time you were caught by our paparazzi friends in public. It appeared you were heading out to go shopping. A phone call here and there gave the names of which designers you had visited, and I tracked them down. A few promised favors later, voila, I knew which dress you had selected."

I sensed him lean back and take a longer, more appreciative look at me. The route his eyes took inflamed every part of my body. "Forgive me if I didn't mention it before but, Bella, my love, you are simply stunning."

As soon as Edward whispered those breathy words, my emotions went haywire. My nerves were electric live wires that snapped at the smallest movement Edward and I made. I was so hyper-aware of his proximity that every breath he took, and every move he made, caused me to react. I maintained my silent stance, praying for this awkwardness to pass.

"Bella, who's Felix?" The edge in his voice words snapped me back to attention, and I felt the heated line of anger that shot through me.

_He's my fucking lover, Edward! That's who!_

"He's nobody," I stated as calmly as I could.

Edward shifted a bit and put both of hands in his pockets. I almost reached out and grabbed them, missing the static energy they gave off.

"He didn't seem like nobody," Edward sternly stated.

I shook my head in irritation and turned slightly away from him. "Well, that's exactly what he is, Edward. However, go ahead and believe what you will."

When Edward stepped closer and put his hands on the metal railing, careful not to touch me but close enough for his body heat to light me on fire again, I tried with all my strength, not to reach out and touch him.

"I'm sorry, Bella; I didn't mean to imply anything. It's just, I walked in and this guy is up there bidding like crazy to get you." He shook his head before dropping it. "I didn't know what to think."

The temptation to touch him was so overwhelming. I was coming undone right there. I could feel his breath on my face as he murmured those last words. I picked up on an apologetic tone in his voice but slowly raised my hand from my chest to wave him to stop.

"Edward, it's understandable. It's over and done with now." My voice cracked as I spoke.

My disloyal emotions started to seep out, and my body shivered as I tried to regain some control.

Edward sighed and whispered, "Bella, look at me."

I couldn't, so I bent my head down and turned away from him.

"Bella, why won't you look at me?" His pleading tone sent a panic to my heart.

_Cause even though you're a cheating ass son of a bitch, I don't trust myself not to jump into your arms right now and ask you to kiss me senseless. _

As much as my jaw twitched with the desire to speak, I didn't trust myself enough to do so out of fear of what would come out.

Edward bent his knees and tried to catch my eyes, but I kept shifting my head to avoid him. Suddenly, he cupped my face and tried to force me to look at him.

I felt a flurry of emotions, mostly panic and passion, flash through my veins. I clamped my hands onto his arms as he held my face in his hands. I couldn't bring myself to look at him; I knew it would be too much for me to bear. So I shut my eyes and tried to pry myself from his hands.

"Look at me, damn it!" His words held traces of irritation and impatience; that was when I realized how stupid my evasion was. I had to look at him, I had to be strong. I steadied myself and opened my eyes.

I was shocked at how close he was to my face; if I lifted my face just a little, I would touch his nose with my forehead. I could see the curves of his lips; they were so perfect and plump. I finally gave in and looked into his eyes. I could see lust, anguish and something else that I couldn't quite place. He focused in on me, and I found myself taking deeper breaths. He leaned in forward as I arched my back away from him. I watched him as he moistened his lips and pressed his body to mine. The second we touched, my walls came tumbling down. His nice firm chiseled chest rubbed against me. The fabric on my tightly corseted gown was so thin that I felt every part of his body against mine. I felt him slip an arm around my waist as he pulled me toward him. I was pressed against his body and stood with his hard body against me. My control snapped and I leaned into him. I rubbed my hands all over his chest and clutched at his shirt, in frantic desperation.

"God, Bella, I have missed you." He inched forward, and I knew he was going to kiss me.

Suddenly, the internal battle that was raging inside of me between passion and logic came to a crashing halt,, and I used all my strength to push him away.

"Stop! No!" I screamed. Edward clearly was taken by surprise and stumbled backward and he fell hard to the ground. He didn't make any attempt to get up; he just looked up at me in shock.

_WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, BELLA?_

When anger and fury raced through my body, my senses fully came back to me.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" Edward searched my eyes for an explanation and opened his mouth to say something, but quickly stopped and hung his head down.

"What? The fucking cat got your tongue? Where is the smooth talking asshole I know and love?"

_Oh God, how I still love you. You cheating fucking asshole_.

His head snapped up, and I saw a look of fire flash through his eyes as he quickly stood. He took giant steps toward me and stood toe-to-toe with me.

"What the fuck is your problem, Bella? I can't believe you are still acting like a stuck-up brat."

I crossed my arms over my chest. Holding my stance, I stood there glaring at him. His fucking perfect face was scrunched into a frown and his lips pressed so tightly together they were thin lines.

"Oh, I'm stuck-up brat now? Why, because I won't melt and bow down to the almighty Edward Cullen? I'm a brat because I won't reach up and slip off my panties and let you fuck me the first moment I see you? I'm sorry, but maybe your seduction tactics would have worked on the old Bella, but not anymore," I spat at him with my hands on hips. "You think you can just waltz in here and act like nothing happened?"

He raked his hands through his magnificent mane and growled. "Don't even tell me that you are still stuck on this. How many times do I have to tell you? I never cheated on you, Bella! Nothing happened!"

I shook my head. "Oh, Edward. You still can't admit it, can you? God! I wish you would just be a man and own up to what happened."

I turned to walk around him and put some much needed distance between us.

He suddenly grabbed me by my arms and pulled me against the wall opposite the balcony. It stung when the hard stucco of the wall scraped the skin on my back and arms. When Edward shifted while holding me, I tried to bite back the pain that pulled at my skin.

"Is that what it will take? If I fucking own up to what happened, will you come back to me, Bella? Huh? Will you forget this nonsense and come home to me?" His voice had a dangerous hard edge to it. I struggled against him, but the harder I pushed the stronger his hold became. "You know what I think? I think you choose to look at this shit the way that you do because something spooked you, Bella. So you did what you always do- You took any excuse you could and used it as a catalyst to run away. Fuck, Bella, don't you want happiness? Don't you want a man who loves you by your side? Why are you so determined to ruin this?"

I saw the ice behind his eyes and for the first time in my life, I was afraid of Edward. Something was wrong with him. His mood was too dark. The sharp angle of his grip on my shoulders was becoming unbearable.

"Edward, please you're hurting me." He let out a fierce laugh.

"Hurt- I'm _hurting_ you? Fuck you, Bella!" He screamed in my face, let me go and watched me fall with a thud to the cold hard pavement beneath me. "Do you have any idea what these last few years have been like? You walk in on something that you have no idea about. You accuse me of shit and don't give me a chance to explain. You fucking move out and slap me in front of the whole damn country! You fucking walk away and disappear for four fucking years! And _I'm _fucking hurting _you_?"

I flinched at the intensity of his words. He screamed at me with all the fury and rage within him. As he let out a strangled laugh, I could hear the wounded tone within it.

I slumped on the ground and watched as Edward was shaking with anger. The look on his face showed a mix of darkness and desire in his eyes. It created a heated pulse within me, and I had an undeniable urge to comfort him. I almost laughed out loud at myself. I was so fucked up. The bastard cheated on me, and here we were four years later and I was lying on the floor, which he had pushed me to, and I wanted to comfort _him_.

I was startled when the balcony doors were flung open and Emmett and Jacob raced out. Jasper smoothly shut the doors behind them and turned to Edward.

"What the hell? Calm the fuck down! Have you both lost your minds?" Jasper glanced at me with concerned eyes. I shook my head at him and looked at Edward.

Jasper walked toward Edward. "You both are so lucky that Felix told us to come get you. What has gotten into the both of you? Can you imagine the shitstorm that could have started if a member of the press walked out here instead of us?"

"You know what, Jasper? I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck! There is enough gossip going around when I am not talking to my wife, so there shouldn't be any when I fucking am!"

I glanced towards Jacob, who was eyeing Edward, and he turned to help me off the floor. When he reached for my scratched arms, and I winced on contact, his eyes widened and he quickly stood and stared at my arms and shoulders. I shook my head and pleaded with my eyes that it wasn't what he thought. However, I knew how it looked. He turned to Edward and zeroed in on him. Edward was pacing back and forth as he glared at Jacob.

"Don't even give me that look, Black, I have my own bone to pick with you, fucker." Suddenly Jacob launched himself at Edward, only to be blocked by Emmett and Jasper.

"You sick fuck! This is the last time you hurt her! You had her and you fucked up, so leave her alone."

Edward tried to break free from Jasper's hold, while Jacob was lined up chest to chest with Emmett.

"You have no idea what you're talking about, Black! I wouldn't be surprised if you were the one who fed her the lies to begin with! Admit it, asshole. Admit you planted those ideas in her head!" Edward fumed.

The situation was insane, and Jasper was right; this needed to stop before the paparazzi caught wind of what was going on. I slowly got up and rubbed my shoulders examining the scrapes and could already see the light bruises forming. This had to end now.

I made my way over to the hulking men when Jacob noticed me. He called out for me to stop and reached out for me. "Bella, stay away! Stop! Don't go near him!"

I shrugged him off and shook my head as I walked straight toward Edward. As soon as he locked eyes with me, Edward slowly stopped struggling against Jasper. Jasper gave me space, but continued to hold him back a little. As I looked up into Edward's eyes, I saw all the frustration and despair in them.

"Bella, please, just give me a chance," Edward pleaded.

I couldn't help but feel responsible for his anger. While I didn't agree with most of what he had said, I couldn't help but understand what he was saying. Sadly, inside I knew it didn't change anything. Nothing could.

When Jasper saw me reach for Edward, he let go and stepped back a little. I slowly lifted my hands to him and held his smooth velvet-like face in my hands. My fingers were alive with passion as soon as I made contact with him, and I prayed I would remember this sensation tomorrow.

This was probably going to be the last moment I had with Edward, standing so close like this. I didn't care that Jasper and Emmett were there. I didn't care the Jacob was watching me like a hawk. If this was the last moment I would have with Edward as his wife, I would give in to temptation just this once. I pulled him into a kiss. The moment I captured his lips with mine, a wild sensation took over me. It felt urgent and fierce. I was ablaze encased in his arms. I slid my hand into his silky soft hair. Praying that I wouldn't forget how he felt, Edward gripped my waist and clutched a handful of my satin dress in his hands. He deepened the kiss and tried to devour me. I felt his soft, w, arm tongue inside my mouth as we both were sucked in and fought to control the moment. Quickly, the pain surpassed the pleasure and it was all too much. I pushed him back as I pulled away panting for air. I closed my eyes as Edward rested his forehead against mine. I took a deep breath and took in his manly essence. I wanted to lick him so badly, just to be able to taste the salt of his skin. I wanted that and so much more just this one last time. However, this was all I would get, so I greedily took it all in and stood silently, hoping we could disappear together.

After what felt like forever, Jacob cleared his throat behind me, and I knew my luck had run out.

It was time; I knew what I needed to do. There was no point in waiting.

_Cut the strings, Bella, cut the strings! Be strong!_

A sob escaped me, and I choked as I whispered, "Set me free."

Edward jerked his head back and caught my hands. "What?"

I pulled my hands out of his grasp and slowly backed up. I wiped the tears that were flowing freely down my face and reached out to hold Jacob's hand.

"I'm sorry, Edward. Please understand," I begged with a shaking voice and quivering lips. He just looked at me with disbelieving eyes. "Edward, I want a divorce."

Jasper and Emmett let out a collective, "Holy Fuck."

Edward jumped forward at me and screamed out, "No! Don't do this, Bella!"

Jasper and Emmett had to restrain him. Jacob quickly stood in front of me and backed us up. I watched as Edward reached out for me and begged for me to stay and just talk to him. I heard the emotions that had turned from rage to despair in his voice.

"I love you, please, please, Bella! Don't leave me! It was a mistake! Goddamn it! It was a mistake!"

My heart was tearing at the seams. A pulsing pain I had never felt before was erupting inside of me. I started sobbing and wanted desperately to comfort him. Jacob sensed my emotions, grabbed me by the waist and pushed me back farther.

"Don't give in to him, Bella, be strong. You owe this to yourself," he whispered into my ear, and I couldn't help but sob.

I wanted to look away, my brain screamed for me to look away, but I couldn't. This was the end, and I wanted to hold onto whatever I had left. The last thing I saw and heard, as Jacob led me away from the balcony was Edward on his knees as he screamed my name.


	5. Chapter 5 Confessions and Consequences

**AN: ****As always thank you to Mel and Lisa my PTB beta's and Magan Bagan my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**This chapter is dedicated to Ms. Cope **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Five

**Confessions and Consequences**

"Bella? Open this bathroom door right now!" Jacob hollered, banging on the door.

I didn't move. Correction, I _couldn't_ move. I swear sitting in this huddled position had caused my muscles to atrophy.

"For the love of all that is Holy, Bella Swan, you better answer me!" Jacob had reached that _"don't mess with me tone"._ "If you don't open this door in the next three seconds, I'm breaking it down."

I heard popping noises from the joints in my back and knees as I slowly got up to do as he asked. As soon as I unlatched the door, and I climbed right back into the tub and sat down.

"What the hell, Bella? Did you spend all night in here?" I didn't want to look at him, so I just nodded. I curled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on them. The tears I had shed were long gone due to my dehydration. Now the only thing that replaced them was numbness.

"Bella, come on, please don't do this again. You can't have him see you like this. Come on, let me help you." Jacob stepped into the tub and reached for me. I pushed against his arms and shook my head.

Leah slowly came in, mixing a powder in a clear glass of water. "Mrs. Isabella, come on, please. Please drink this; I've mixed Vitamin C in this." She leaned down and handed it to me. I tried to reach out, but my hands were shaking uncontrollably. Jacob held the glass as I tried to drink it.

"Baby, we've been through worse," he said, sitting on the opposite side of me, still holding the glass. I hid my face in my knees and took a deep breath. "Bella, remember when we were kids, and I took you hiking in the forest off of Highway 101? Remember how you were scared because we had never stepped off the trails before? I told you we'd be okay, and the worst that would happen would be that our folks would send out a search party if we didn't get back by dinnertime. We found that amazing meadow, remember? It was nestled in the trees and just extraordinary. When the sun would shine down it was like the trees were wearing halos or some shit like that. The point is, Bella, you trusted me, and we found a special secret place that no one but us knew about. We did that, because we took a chance and ventured off the path and took a trail less traveled."

I started sobbing hard when I realized what Jacob was trying to tell me.

"Bella, I am asking you to trust me. I know this is scary shit, but I want you to know I'm here. We'll get through this battle together. I'm going to hold your hand every step of the way, just like I did when we were kids."

He took my hand in his and squeezed it tightly. I let Leah and him help me out of the tub. I looked at myself in the mirror as Leah peeled off the gown I still had on from the night before. Jacob left the room to order my breakfast. Leah was starting to run a hot bath, slowly took my hair down and gave me a washcloth for my face. As she hummed a soft lullaby, I watched the sun peek out from behind the curtains while she brushed my hair straight.

"Leah?" She looked up at me as I kept my gaze firmly planted on the light outside.

"You know the meadow Jacob and I found?" I took in her silence and continued. "I took Edwardthere the first time I brought himhome to meet Charlie. He proposed to me there, like a real proposal and everything." My voice cracked, as I bent my head and let my hair fall around me. "I don't know why but after what Jacob said, I had to tell someone."

Her silence was almost unbearable; I knew she probably thought I was cold and heartless for taking Edward to aplace that meant so much to Jacob.

"Mrs. Isabella, can you forgive Mr. Edward?" I slowly looked up and watched as Leah gauged my reaction to her question. She glanced toward the door to the bedroom and back at me. "Because, if you can forgive him Mrs. Isabella, then stop all this. Mr. Edward loves you. You have to know that. If there is a cha-"

She jerked back and her eyes went wide when she was cut off by Jacob. "Leah!"

I looked up at Jacob, who stood in bedroom with a cold hard stare directed at Leah. She quickly looked down and started brushing my hair again.

"Bella, we have to get a move on. Felix and Aro are going to meet us upstairs. Apparently, Carlisle caught on quickly that something was up. He already has Edward's team of lawyers swimming protective laps around Edward."

I felt the tension in my chest tighten. I hated the feelings that started to race through me when I realized that I wasn't only going against Edward; I was going against his whole family.

"Bella, it will be all right, okay?" He softened his gaze at me and then he glanced at Leah. I could see him clench his teeth a little, but he quickly turned and shut door behind himself.

"Come on Mrs. Isabella, let's get you ready," Leah murmured

"Leah, please wait. What were you going to say? You know, before Jacob stopped you?" I watched as she fidgeted with the towels.

She turned her back to me and checked the water in the tub. "Nothing, Mrs. Isabella. Really, I forgot what I was going to say. Nevertheless, when I remember, I will be sure to let you know."

I sighed and watched her leave the bathroom. I shut the door behind her and decided to try my best to piece myself back together before I would have to face Edward again.

I walked out into the living room where Uncle Aro and Felix were waiting. I sat on the sofa as Leah handed me a cup of coffee. As the dark roast overtook my senses, I held the cup with both hands and watched the steam rise. My stomach was anxious. My nerves were completely shot.

"Isabella, are you all right?" Uncle Aro was the first who spoke. I slowly nodded and looked up at them both. "Are you sure? Bella, you know you can always talk to me, right?"

"Uncle Aro, I know. I'm fine, okay? Let's get this over with please?" I finished my coffee and walked over to the door. I glanced at Leah, who was standing by the bar wearing a worried look on her face. She gave me a slight smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.

Jacob opened the door and walked out in front of me, while Uncle Aro and Felix followed me. Both, Edward and Jacob leaned against the wall in the elevator. I stood still and just looked at my feet. Even though my thoughts were scattered, I would catch pieces of conversations between Uncle Aro and Felix. Apparently, as soon as Carlisle had heard about what had happened between Edward and me last night, he had put together a team of lawyers for Edward.

_The second Edward was threatened they started rounding the wagons. _

While Felix was very upset that we didn't have the element of surprise he had hoped for, Uncle Aro was relatively calm about the situation.

I couldn't help but keep thinking about what Leah had mentioned to me earlier.

_Forgiveness_.

It was something that I hadn't thought about for a long time. I remembered back when I had escaped to Uncle Aro's in Italy to contemplate my life without Edward, forgiveness was always in the forefront of my mind.

_That was when you were pregnant. _

It was painful to go back and think of those first few months of my pain and isolation. Uncle Aro was so gracious to let me move into the guest villa on his estate. I had Jacob and Leah come with me and ended up dismissing the rest of the staff, due in large part to that fact they were employed by Edward. I didn't want him to know where I was, much less that I was pregnant. I needed those whom I trusted most closest to me.

It was hard being alone without Edward. Jacob tried to do his best to be there for me. I was in such a manic state that sometimes he would sleep on the chaise lounge in my room, just in case I woke up and started my crying hysterical.

I remember the times remove when I would sit on my balcony as I dialed Edward's number. I never had the courage to hit send. Yeah, I was a coward. I was so indecisive about what I wanted. One moment I swore I wanted him to stay away, but the next I was praying that he would just come to me. Through all the levels of my mental insanity, I knew what I wanted but was so scared to admit it. Deep in my heart I wanted to know that even though he had his moment of weakness, in the end he still would want me. I wanted him to grovel and beg at my feet. I wanted him to come and find me. I wanted him tell me he loved me, to tell me it was a mistake. I wanted him on his knees screaming for me.

_You wanted everything he did last night, only you wanted it four years ago. _

I remembered the day I had finally decided that maybe I could forgive him. I was trying to find a shawl in the back of the closet and managed to pull my suitcase out. While rummaging through it, I saw a small travel size photo album sitting in the inner pocket. I slowly opened the album and prepared myself for a walk down memory lane. As I leafed through it, I was brought back to my modest home in Forks. My life with my parents was so happy and simple. Every birthday, every major event in my life, was documented up until I was thirteen years old. There were pictures from my birthdays, Mom and Dad's anniversaries, as well as one of Jacob and me as we were making mud pies in our diapers. I smiled as I saw a picture of a young Sam as he tried to kiss me under the mistletoe one year at Christmas. Jacob managed to pull me back only to push Emily at him, and they were together ever since. The pages in the album went blank right before my fourteenth birthday. That was when Mom decided to take me to Italy to meet her family for the first time.

I realized how empty everything was for me after my mom died. I suddenly felt anxious as I thought about Edward not being a part of our baby's life. Would our baby feel the same emptiness I felt if I kept him away? I thought about my mother and how my life would have been easier if my mom and dad had just been divorced. I mean I would have had both them in my life in some way, even if they hadn't been together. There would have been a void, but at least I would have had my mother alive. When I wondered if I was the type of person who would allow my child only one parent, it was the stirring feeling in my stomach that helped me realize that I was ready to face the situation head on.

The fear of not knowing what the future held in regard to my marriage was, at the time, extremely overwhelming. However, then I was only a few months pregnant, so Edward and I would have had seven months to figure out. I was determined to try and work things out with him. If I had to, I was even willing to forgive him and learn to accept him again. I would have tried anything to make it work for our baby.

_And if he didn't want to make it work?_

And if he didn't want to make it work, I would still have tried to be civil for the sake of our child. While Edward had made the choice to break our vows on his own, staying in this marriage was a decision we both had to make together. Deep inside, I prayed that he hadn't changed so much that he wouldn't want our baby.

Leah and I had packed as fast as we could, while Jacob begrudgingly tried to make sure all the travel arrangements were made. When an unforeseen engine issue had us land in Rome, Leah and I had decided to visit the Piazza Di Spagna shopping district to grab some gifts for home. I had just made it out of Valentino and was trying to squeeze through the throngs of people. As I waited on the crowded crosswalk, I caught a glimpse at the cover of an Italian magazine.

It was Edward. He was trying to shield his face from the photographer, but it was the harlot at his side that I focused on. It was that damn bitch from our bed. Suddenly, it hit me. He hadn't called or emailed. He didn't contact me or Jacob. He hadn't made any attempts to try and get a hold of me these last four weeks I had been away. If he wanted me, he would have found me. Edward always got what he put his mind to. A sob escaped me, and I felt my heart shatter. I wasn't as strong as I thought I was, and the reality of the situation was too hard for me to accept.

_Even if you go back, he won't take you back. He wanted out! He wants her!_

I dropped the bags I was carrying and I ran through the crowd. I remembered aaas Jacob and Leah screamed for me to stop, but I continued run. As I rounded the corner, I saw the steps leading toward the parked cars below. I stopped at the top and held my face in my hands and cried. As I was wiping away my tears, I heard a scuffle behind me and suddenly felt large hands slam me in the back. The heels I wore caught on the uneven stone steps and I was flung forward. I tried in vain to reach for the railing, but it was too late. I could never forget the feelings of shooting pain come through me as I crashed down hard on my elbows. I remembered as my hands instinctively flung to cover my abdomen from impact. The visions of my swollen belly and Edward rocking our baby to sleep suddenly disappeared. When my head bounced off of stone steps for the third time, my vision went blurry. Jacob's distraught screams for people to move were the last words I heard right before I gave in and let the darkness in to consume me.

"Bella, are you ready?" Jacob shook me back to the present.

_No! Are you crazy? _

I looked up at Jacob. He as wore a concerned expression and held the elevator door open for me. I gave him a small smile and walked out into the hallway where Felix and Uncle Aro waited for me.

"Isabella, come here." Uncle Aro took my hands in his and kissed them both. "I want you to remember that no matter what, everything will be all right. Ti voglio bene, okay? Be strong." He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. I closed my eyes and leaned into his embrace. I pulled back and nodded to Felix, who proceeded to knock on the door.

As it opened, Uncle Aro and Felix walked in. Jacob grabbed my arms before I was about to walk in. "Bells, listen. I am gonna wait out here, all right?"

I shot my fearful eyes up to him and shook my head. He smiled softly and squeezed my shoulder.

"After yesterday, I thought it would be better for you if I stay out here. If you need me for anything, I will in there in a heartbeat, okay?"

I let out a shaky breath and nodded. I walked into the conference room with my heartbeat drumming so loudly I could barely hear what anyone was saying.

There was no need to look around for Edward; the second I walked into the room, I could feel his essence start to envelope me. When the panic started to rise within me, I almost turned around and ran out. Even so, I steadied myself and attempted to walk straight. I was relieved that I made it over to the chair that Felix held out for me and sat down. I looked up in the opposite direction from where I knew Edward was sitting; I couldn't bear to look at him. Whether it was fear of what state he was in from last night, or the fact that he could read me like a book, I didn't know. All I knew was that I couldn't give into temptation. When I met Rosalie's viper-like stare, I wanted to flee. I clenched my hands around the arms of the chair and tried to keep myself rooted in one spot. The room started to get very warm, and I knew I needed a distraction. I quickly lowered my gaze to her clothes; she wore a dark pinstripe jacket with a pencil straight skirt. I wanted to smile, for only Rosalie could pull off the kind of stilettos she was wearing. While I was surprised that she was there, I realized I should have expected it.

Rosalie Hale-Cullen had the reputation of being cut-throat in the court room; she never took mercy on anyone. If anything, I almost felt bad for Felix, he had no idea who he was going to have to deal with if things got ugly. When I realized everyone was quiet and watching me, I suddenly felt very exposed. So I cleared my throat and sat back into the chair, looking at the ground.

Carlisle broke the ice right away. "Bella, can you please tell us what is going on? What has happened between you and Edward that would cause you to want this?"

"Carlisle, as Isabella's attorney, I would ask you to direct all questions to me," Felix blurted out. I peeked up to see Jasper and Rosalie shoot a glance at each other before aathey went back to taking notes.

"All right then, would _you_ care to tell me what is going on?" I could hear the irritation in Carlisle's voice.

"Of course." I watched as Felix opened his briefcase and handed a few documents to Carlisle and Jasper. Rosalie sat back in a huff when he didn't hand one to her. "After much time to reflect and look over her situation, Isabella has decided to file for a petition for dissolution of marriage."

Edward let out a snort. "No shit, Sherlock. What we wants to know is _why_?"

Edward gave Felix a smirk and leaned back into his leather chair. His smirk faded when he returned his gaze to me. Lightning shot through me as I caught his eyes. I hated what I saw. They were dark and red-rimmed. It was obvious; Edward hadn't slept a wink all night either.

"Edward, there's no reason to use that kind of language," Felix replied.

"Oh, I fucking think there is! And since we're gonna be all formal and shit, it's Mr. Cullen to you. Got it? Mr. Cullen."

_Holy shit balls, Edward was drunk. Damn_i_it,, I wish I was._

Uncle Aro smoothly leaned forward and put a hand on Felix's arm, before addressing Carlisle. "Carlisle, Isabella and Edward have been estranged for some time now. From your questions, do you mean to tell me that your son has not even once attempted to tell you the reason for their long separation from each other?"

Carlisle leaned forward. "Aro, Edward told me that there was a misunderstanding, that some kind of confusion led them to fight. He mentioned that Isabella made an assumption about something and hasn't given Edward the time to explain it to her."

_Damned dirty liar!_

I snapped my head up and looked at Edward, who held the same iron expression but added a small smirk with it.

_Oh that little fucker, I knew he would blame it on me!_

I squared my shoulders and put on my brave face.

_You wanna play, fucker? Let's go. I have prepared myself for this day for four fucking years. _

"I assure you from what Isabella has told _me_, there was nothing to assume. It was extremely black and white. No room for grey." Felix barked as he raised his hands in a dismissive wave. "Regardless of what anyone thinks, we are here to discuss the terms of the divorce."

"What a minute. Just tell us what happened? Bella, please talk to us?" Jasper piped up.

"Isabella doesn't need to tell you anything. We didn't ask for this meeting to talk about some counseling sessions or even attempt a reconciliation. We are here to discuss their divorce. If _Mr. Cullen_ has decided to leave out all the pertinent parts of the situation, when he had ample time to do so in the past, then I am sorry. It was up to him to fill you in."

"Bella, if we could just..." Carlisle began.

However, Felix was quick to cut him off. "If you do not refrain from addressing my client, then I will ask that she leave."

I had to hand it to Felix; he was a pit bull when he wanted to be.

"Like I said earlier, we are not here to discuss options in fixing their marriage. We are here to discuss their _divorce_." Felix turned and pulled out more files from his briefcase.

I watched as Rosalie and Jasper leafed through the documents, while Edward just sat tapping his damn pen on the table and watched me. Carlisle was begging me with his eyes to just stop all this and talk to him. I felt sick to my stomach, but I knew I needed a clean break. Uncle Aro sensed my pain, and took ahold of my hand and stroked it calmly while Felix muttered some legal garbage that needed to be said or just to speak to make himself sound important - I don't know.

Suddenly, Jasper looked up at me with an almost angry expression. I sat up a little straighter. I looked at him nervously and then at everyone else. When he continued to stare, I finally asked, "What?"

He cleared his throat, looking over at Edward. "You need to see this."

Edward snatched the papers from Jasper's grip and looked over them. He looked back at me with fire in his eyes. I couldn't understand why he would be mad. "What's the matter? What did I do?"

Edward pounded his fist on the table in front of me. "It isn't enough that you leave me, humiliate me, but now you are taking away everything that Esme worked so hard for, as well? How heartless are you?"

I looked at him in shock. "What are you talking about? I don't want anything!"

"The entire art collection from the La Bella wing at the Cullen Art Gallery in Chicago, the wing my parents built and dedicated to you! You call that not wanting anything?"

I stared at him in disbelief. "What? Felix, what is he talking about? Uncle Aro?"

Felix let out an irritated sigh. "Isabella, you said it yourself, remember? You wanted to leave this marriage with whatever you brought to it. You brought the art work from Italy with you. Remember? These pieces were given to you when your mother was killed; it is a part of your inheritance. It does not belong to Edward or his family. It belongs with you."

I flinched a little at his words. He spoke so calmly about my mother's death; it sent chills to my core. Uncle Aro stood up quickly and gave him a stern glance.

"My dear, what Felix is so tactlessly saying is that he was looking out for your best interests. Felix spoke to me before he added this to the paperwork. I was sure you were okay with it. I'm sorry this took you by surprise." I let him hold my shoulders. "I know this all might sound cold. However, I must agree that it is only right that the Volturi artwork should go back to you. It is a treasure that needs to be brought home to Italy -brought home with you."

I thought for a minute before shaking my head, "No, Uncle, please understand. It was a gift from me to the Cullen Art Society. Esme worked so hard for all the work to be verified and brought over carefully. I will not ask for it back. I refuse to hurt Esme that way. I'm sorry, but the art work and anything I have given to the foundation stays."

Uncle Aro shook his head. "The family will not be happy about this. Do you know how much the Van Gogh's are worth alone?"

"Of course I do, Uncle Aro, but if the family wants them back, I am sure you can contact Esme to see if she is willing to sell them to you." Uncle Aro chuckled and sat down.

"Isabella, what is wrong with you?" I turned and sent Felix a stone-like stare as he spoke to me.

"You need to remember who you are talking to, Felix. I will deal with you after this meeting is over." Felix clenched his jaw but nodded and sat down in this seat. I turned to meet Edward who was staring at me with an agonizing look in his eyes. They penetrated me too deeply. I had to turn away.

I quickly faced Jasper, who was holding his head in his hands. "I'm sorry about the mix-up. Just so I am clear, I want nothing. I just want a divorce. Everything that was bought, or gifted to us remains with Edward. I just want you all to leave my assets alone in return. Okay?"

"Stop this _please,_ Bella." Edward's heartbroken voice sliced through me. Before anyone could say anything, he rounded the side of the table and Edward's body colliding with mine sent us both back against the wall. He held onto my waist and pressed himself to me. Edward cupped my face and pulled my chin up to meet his eyes.

"Baby, please don't do this! Please, please don't leave me." I shook my head, holding back all the emotions that were trying to erupt out of me. "Please, baby, please listen to me, and let's just talk this out. Please!" he begged.

I tried to push him off, but he held on tighter. Uncle Aro and Felix were screaming and trying to yank him off. Jasper and Carlisle were yelling for Felix and Uncle Aro to calm down. I just stood there holding myself away from Edward, trying hard not to let the sensations he was awakening in me get to me.

"Edward, it is too late, please don't do this!" I begged. He quickly slid to his knees holding onto my hips.

"Bella, I am _begging_, please baby, I'm _begging_ you. Whatever it is that you think I have done, it is not how it looks. Please, baby, just talk to me." I tried with all my might to push him off; to see him in this kind of pain was breaking me apart.

My concrete walls were coming down with a dynamite-like force, and I wanted nothing more than to slide my arms around him and hold him. I wanted to tell him it would be okay, that we would be together. Nevertheless, my stomach tightened when images of that whore-bag naked in our bed flashed in my mind. It kept my blood alive with rage. The thundering images engulfed my mind like a tsunami. I clutched my face in my hands and tried to shake the images away. I knew that if he hadn't cheated with her, I would be safe at home in a happy marriage with Edward and raising our baby. The mental lashing my brain took made me hold my ground. I shook my head and whispered for him to get away, and that I couldn't forgive him.

Rosalie came toward us and stood with her hand on my shoulder. "Just tell us what happened. We can help. Bella, don't push us away. Damn it, just tell us what he did!"

I shook my head but I knew I had to say something; Edward was too much of a coward to say anything. It was all up to me. I pushed Edward away from me and watched him stay on his knees. I shook my head and walked away, putting some necessary distance between us.

"He cheated on me, all right?" I turned quickly and looked at Edward. He was still on his knees, but he now held his head in his hands. "Get up! Have you no fucking decency, Edward? You break my heart! Tear our life to shreds! Why can't you man up and do this? Why haven't you told them anything?"

He stood up in a flash and pounded his fist on the table. "I didn't say anything because I didn't fucking cheat on you!"

"Oh, we're back to that, are we? My God, Edward, I walked in to see a naked woman in our bed! Your clothes were everywhere! You were naked in the shower with the bathroom door wide open! Tell me, what the fuck am I misinterpreting?" Angry tears were burning my eyes. Edward came around the table toward me, only to be stopped by Rosalie.

"Edward, is this true? You better start talking right now!" She poked him in his chest and gestured for him to sit down. He sank into the leather chair and held his head in his hands.

"When you left for your trip to Italy to acquire some new art piece, that was right around the time that I was working on acquiring a company that looked like it was ready to crumble with the economy being the way it was. Our firm's lead point person on the acquisitions team was Tanya Denali."

_Fucking whore finally had a fucking name. _

Anger raced through me, I wanted to walk forward and slap the fucker. However, Rosalie's shrieking voice kept me in place.

"Holy fuck, Edward, tell me you didn't let the skank get to you?" Rosalie fumed.

He held his hands defensively. "No, I didn't! Just let me finish, will you?"

Jasper leaned over and took my hand. He ushered me to a chair and handed me a glass of water. I couldn't look at Edward. If I did, I wouldn't be responsible for my actions.

"Bella, I went to prep school with Tanya. We never really kept in touch in college, but our families have known each other for a while. Nothing was going on between us, baby. You have to believe me. One night the whole team was working late at our house, Tanya ended up staying later. We popped open a bottle of wine and started talking about school and life. It was innocent, I swear." He stopped there and took a deep breath.

"What the fuck happened, Edward?" Jasper spoke with an icier tone.

"We both got kind of tipsy. She asked me about you. I told her how happy you made me. How I couldn't wait for you to come home, how I missed you so much. We drank some more. She told me how her boyfriends were never really good enough. She ended up by telling me that she was in love with me our whole time together in prep school. I felt horrible. She started crying and I freaked out. I wasn't heartless to her, but when I tried to console her, she pulled herself up and kissed me."

I felt my heart burst into a million pieces as I looked at him in disbelief. I knew what I had witnessed, but seeing a naked woman in our bed and hearing Edward admit to kissing her, sent a harpoon through my heart. It gave validation to everything I thought to be true. The lowlife, he couldn't even look at me.

"What the fuck, Edward!" Rosalie got up and slapped him. "How could you not know she was in love with you? We all fucking knew it!"

"What the hell, Rose? I didn't know?" Edward yelled as he nursed his jaw. "But you have to believe it ended right there with a kiss. I pulled away and told her that Bella was the only woman for me."

He turned in his chair and reached out across the table to me. "Bella, love, you have to believe me that was all that it was."

_Touch me and I'll fucking cut you, asshole!_

I pulled back from him. My emotions raced like a wild herd of wilderbeests. I was completely out of control. "How the fuck did she wind up in our bed?"

"Bella, she was sick and totally drunk. I didn't want her to drive home like that. So I helped her to the guest bedroom. I put her in the bathroom and left. I was so freaked out by what happened I just wanted to take a shower to clean myself and sober up." I looked up at him. His eyes were pleading for me to believe him.

_What about the whore in our bed? Convenient how he was in the shower and she was in guest bedroom. How stupid does the fucker think I am?_

"How stupid do you think I am, Edward? I wasn't drunk, jet-lagged _maybe,_ but I know what a naked woman in my bed looks like!"

He stood up and pounded the table. "Bella, for fuck's sake, Tanya was asleep in the guest bedroom! I went in to take a shower and when I got done, there still wasn't anyone in our bed! Damn it, Bella! You should believe me! I'm your husband! What will it take for you to believe me?"

I closed my eyes trying to think about what he was saying.

_Think, Bella! Think! Could he be right? Were there any condoms anywhere? Candles even? No, Bella, no! You thought about this! _

"It doesn't prove anything. You basically aren't confirming or denying anything," Felix interjected. Edward stood up in flash with such a murderous look on his face.

Jasper quickly stood to pull him back by his shoulder. "Don't do it, Edward, it's not worth it. Come on back and sit down."

I rubbed my face in my hands. I could hear Edward taking deep, haggard breaths. Everyone was silent. Either they were too shocked, or devastated, by hearing the complete truth.

"Isabella, I think we need to take a break," Felix piped up. Uncle Aro came up by me and offered me his hand. I looked over at Edward, who was pinching the bridge of his nose, looking down. I had the strongest urge to touch him.

I looked up at Carlisle, who nodded at the door. "We'll see you after lunch, sweetheart."

I reluctantly took Uncle Aro's hand and let him lead me out. Jacob was waiting for me with his hands clenched at his side. As soon as he saw me, he was swiftly at my side, squeezing my shoulders.

"How did it go, Bells? I heard a commotion. I wanted to come in but Felix didn't give me the okay." That damn Italian maggot had definitely stepped over every single line this time.

"What the fuck do you mean that Felix didn't give you the _okay?_ Who the hell do you work for, Jacob?" He looked taken aback.

I turned and looked at Felix. "Just who the fuck do you think you are? First trying to pull a crazy stunt with the art pieces, then giving my security detail orders? Are you trying to get yourself fired?"

Felix calmly walked over to the elevators and pressed the button. "Isabella, you hired me to do a job, and that is what I am doing. I am looking out for you."

"Felix, you sure have twisted sense of what 'looking out for me' is. Lying and going behind my back is not the way to gain my trust!" I was fuming at this point.

"Did you want your extremely irrational and hot-headed husband to get his pretty boy face broken? If I hadn't told Jacob to stay out until we needed him, your unstable husband would have launched himself at Jacob the moment he saw him. I am quite sure that would have devastated you. I was merely looking out for you." He smiled back at me, with a sarcastic tone.

I pressed my fingers to my temples. "I don't fucking care if Edward was going to run Jacob through the meat grinder, don't you dare overstep again. This is your last warning or you are out. Are we clear?" I walked over to the elevator he was holding open."

"I am sorry, Isabella, honestly, I am. I guess where I come from divorces are more violent in nature. It won't happen again, happy?" I walked into the elevator with Uncle Aro and Jacob. I leaned my head against the back wall. My head throbbed. My body ached from the lack of sleep the night before. Jacob tried to rub my shoulders, but I pulled away.

My traitorous body didn't want anyone but Edward to touch me right now. I could still feel the static sensation running through my body from when Edward was holding me.

_Get yourself together, Bella, it doesn't change anything. He could be lying._

The conference room doors suddenly flew open and Edward raced out and looked up and down the hallway before his sight settled on me. His jaw clenched when he saw everyone in the elevator with me and he slipped his hands in his pockets. He waited and watched me with a passionate stare and quickly yelled out, "It's not over, Bella."

As the elevator doors started to shut, I couldn't bear to tear my eyes away from his magnificent form. I watched as his eyes roamed my body. Urges that I had carefully hidden for so long, had come out of hibernation last night. They sent my body into flames again. I tightened my grip on the elevator railing to keep myself from rushing to him.

_Oh God, how I wanted to kiss him, lick him, fuck him…do anything that involved him._

""Felix," I called out, never looking away from Edward. "Don't ever call my husband unstable or anything else, got it? Only I get to hurl insults at Edward Cullen. I think I've earned it."

Everyone remained silent as the elevator started its motion. I closed my eyes and couldn't help come to the realization that leaving Edward Cullen was going to be so much fucking harder than I thought.

A/N: Translation: Ti voglio bene: I love you, deep caring for a family member (non-romantic way, hard to translate.)


	6. Chapt6 TropicalFruit & TwirlingPastries

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

Chapter Six

Tropical Fruit and Twirling Pastries

"I don't care for your explanations, Felix. Right now I want to be alone. Get out all of you!" I shouted as I walked into the suite. Uncle Aro, Felix, and Jacob didn't bother to listen as they took defensive positions in various parts of the room.

_When the hell did everyone stop listening to me? Am I even still in control? _

"Come on now, Bells, don't act that way. Listen to Aro and Felix," Jacob started.

That's it; I'd officially had it. I got up and started rummaging through the drawers near the bar.

"You know what, Jacob? Stop talking to me like I am some disobedient child." I opened and shut the drawers forcefully. I walked over to the coffee table and leafed through the papers and magazines.

_Where the hell is it!_

"Bella, what are you looking for?" I stood in the middle of the room nipping at my thumbnail, as Jacob scowled. "Bella? Hello, Earth to Bella?"

I glanced around and finally saw it in the far part of the room laying on the dining table. I took two swift steps and smiled as I grabbed the soft leather bound menu. I leafed through until I found what I was looking for. I glanced up at Leah, who had walked out of my bedroom and took notice of everyone's serious expressions.

She looked at the binder in my hands and gave me a knowing smile.

"Mrs. Isabella, may I place a call to room service for you?" Leah asked as she walked up to me with a notepad and pen. I waved her off.

"No, Leah, I can do it." I looked over my shoulder at everyone else. "Do you all want anything?"

Uncle Aro shook his head as he downed his glass of brandy. Jacob frowned while Felix mouthed "No" as he was busy talking on his cell phone.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Suit yourselves."

I went over, grabbed the phone and dialed for room service. I tapped my fingers impatiently on the menu until the operator came on the line.

"I would like to place an order. Yes, thank you. Ready? Okay, I want one of each item from your dessert menu. Yes, you heard me right. Oh, also a double order of fudge sauce, and cream cheese icing for the cinnamon delights. Hmm, let me think. Milk and a carafe of regular coffee as well. please. Come again? Oh no, this is just an order for one. Thank you."

_If I can't have an orgasm the old fashioned way, with Edward fucking me senseless, well then I guess I'll have to settle for the next best thing!_

I set the menu down and realized everyone was staring at me. "What? I'm hungry."

I sat down on the sofa and took off my shoes. Reclining, I pulled my knees up to my chest and wiggled my toes. Jacob pulled up a chair and sat near me.

"Bells, you doing okay? You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?" Jacob reached over and tucked a stray hair behind my ear.

I shook my head and pushed his hand away. "Why do you all keep telling me that? It's like you think I'm gonna crumble and fall."

Jacob leaned back and rubbed his face. "Bella, I'm sorry you think that I am babying you. You forget I have known you your whole life. It's just- I know what kind of effect Edward has on you. Don't think for one minute, that I haven't missed the looks you've been giving each other."

I raised my chin at him in defiance. "I don't know what you're talking about. The only effect Edward has on me is that he makes my blood boil. You know that."

_Liar._

I heard Uncle Aro let out a deep sigh. "Isabella, my dearest, there is no shame in admitting you still have feelings for your husband. I think what Jacob is trying to say is we all are just worried that your desire to please the family might influence your decision when it comes to this divorce, more than it already has."

I watched Felix on the other side of the room getting animated while on the phone. "Uncle Aro, I assure you that my current attitude toward Edward is not because of any hidden desire to reconcile with him. I am not going to just roll over and let him back in because he knows how to push my buttons. Nevertheless, I just want things to be amicable. I don't want any drama."

_Liar, liar, pants on fire! If he was alone in the room with you right now, you would have ripped his clothes off and fucked his brains out._

"I understand that, my sweetheart. At the same time, please don't mistake our protective attitudes as anything but our deep desire to make sure your rights and needs are met. I let you down once, Isabella. I will not do it again." Uncle Aro loosened his tie and cleared his throat.

"Uncle, you have to stop blaming yourself for what happened with my mother."

"My dear, while that day will haunt me forever, it is not what I was referring to." I looked deep into his eyes. The soft glaze rimming his blue orbs reminded of last time I had seen that look in his eyes.

I swallowed hard. "Uncle Aro, I know I scared you and Jacob with the state I was in after I lost the baby. It was a dark time for me, and I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't stepped in. I mean, I might not be alive today if…"

"Don't you dare say that, Bella!" Jacob fumed. I could see him curl his fingers into a fist. "It was an accident. You didn't realize how many pills you took. Damn it! You weren't trying to kill yourself!"

I put a hand on his arm and patted him softly. "You're right, Jake, you're right. Okay? I just meant that if Uncle Aro hadn't stepped in and gotten all the right doctors for me, I might still have been in that deep depression. In fact, I could have gotten much worse." Jacob squeezed my hand in between both of his. And gave me a reassuring smile, letting me know he had calmed down.

"Isabella, your mental state is all the more reason for us to be proactive in getting this divorce settled quickly," Felix quipped as he scrolled through his phone.

_Oh, that little gremlin! He just didn't know when to keep his big, fat mouth shut!_

"What the hell is your problem, Felix? Do you hear the shit that is coming out of your mouth? Why does everything have to be your way?" I watched as he fidgeted with his cell and started to text someone. He never bothered to look up.

"Yes, Isabella, I know exactly the kind of shit that is coming out of my mouth. Even so, it's the kind of shit you need to hear." He quickly pocketed his phone and took a seat on the settee and crossed his legs.

"Forgive me, but like I said earlier, I am here to make sure your needs are being protected. If we do things your way, we'll be playing patty-cake with them from now until Doomsday." He suddenly took an interest in his cuff links. "Has it ever crossed your mind why your cheating husband wants to delay the inevitable? You, my dearest Isabella, are currently worth more than he is. I am sure that your request from earlier today has piqued his curiosity. I have no doubt in my mind that the '_Helen of Troy'_ like blonde assassin whom you all call Rosalie will have her team digging up all the dirt you have hidden these past four years. Which not only means the wealth you have acquired during that time, but it also means that they will try and pull up all the little secrets you have been trying to bury."

I had to hand it to the little Italian bastard—he did make sense. The more we delayed; the worse it could get. If Edward and I were to settle the matter quickly, the better it would be for all of us. I needed closure without all the media attention.

I just wanted all the pain to go away.

It seemed Felix understood my silence. "While my methods are cold-hearted and calculating, I assure you that this is how the game is played. Isabella, I am not here to wrong you. I am only here to protect you. From my understanding, it was you who asked Aro to help you get a divorce, and not any of us pushing you to get one."

I looked down and focused on the coffee table in front of me. He was right. I was the one who called my uncle to start this.

"So please, let me do my job. I promise you no more surprises, no more shady drama. I will be straight with you, but in return, please listen to my advice."

Before I could respond there was a hard knock on the door. Jacob got up and answered it. It was room service with the long line of carts bringing in the desserts I had ordered. As they filed in, Leah ushered them toward the dining room table.

"Felix, I will do my best to understand what you're asking me, all right?" I conceded.

As I made my way over to the table, my stomach jumped for joy at all the delicious delicacies that were laid out. Unfortunately, Uncle Aro wasn't done with me.

"Isabella, I would like to discuss something else with you."

I mentally whispered to my desserts, _My darling chocolate mousse cheesecake, I swear we will be together soon, just let me get rid of those who are keeping us apart!_

"What are you worried about now, Uncle Aro?" I made my way back to the sofa and sat down. "Scared I might decide to give away the Volturi estates in southern Italy as well?"

He chuckled a little as he gestured for Leah to get him another drink.

"No, my dear, I wanted to know if you would humor me for a moment." He mouthed "thank you" to Leah as she placed the drink down in front of him.

"Humor you, how?"

"After the boardroom drama that Edward pulled today, I'm wondering if your presence is needed while we handle the minor details that remain."

I thought for a minute. If I took myself out of being present during the meetings, well that would mean not being able to see Edward. I suddenly wasn't feeling too well. I looked up at Jacob and Felix, who watched for my reaction with hawk-like stares. I bit my lower lip and looked down quickly. If they had asked me to stay away from the boardroom before today, I would have probably wholeheartedly agreed, but now I wasn't too happy with the idea. I wanted to stay in that room for one and only one reason-to be near Edward. We had such little time left together as it was.

"Why the hesitation, Isabella?" Felix voiced everyone's concerns and caught me a little off guard.

"I don't see why my being there is an issue. I've come a long way from the weak little Bella I was before. I am much stronger now." I tried to sound convincing and hoped they wouldn't call my bluff.

"Bells, I agree with Aro and Felix. I think you should sit out on the meetings with Edward. I don't like him being around you. I mean, he can't even keep his hands off of you for one minute."

"What does that have to do with anything?" I shot out quickly and gave him an annoyed look. "Edward is just trying to persuade me not to leave him. He has been that way from the start. You know that."

"Isabella, please listen to us. He still has a hold over you. It's obvious from how you look at him. You're a terrible liar. What happens if they ask you something that you are not prepared for? Are you sure your poker face is good enough? Isabella, I just don't want you caught in a deer in headlights sort of position," Uncle Aro explained calmly.

"I don't know why, but all I know is I need to be there in that room when we discuss everything. Felix, I know you promised no more surprises, but I want to be there. I'm sorry but this is how it is going to be. If not, then I am sure I can talk to Jasper about just representing us both. He will hate going over Edward's head, but I am sure he will understand once I explain to him what you all are wanting."

They sat quietly and seemed taken aback by my threat.

"Besides the fact that it would be a conflict of interest for Jasper to represent both you and Edward, can I just say something? Isabella, you're still in love him, aren't you? And I don't mean love in the sense of what you had; you are still in love with Edward _right now_," Felix stated with an amused tone.

Jacob jerked his head and looked between me and Felix.

"What? You're wrong, Felix. There is no way," Jacob exclaimed. "Tell him Aro."

Uncle Aro wouldn't look at me; he just looked at his Rolex, remaining silent with his lips forming a thin line. Jacob turned to me, his eyes wide.

"Tell him, Bella. Tell him that he has it all wrong, that you're not _that_ type of girl. The type of girl who would go back to a guy after he's cheated on her. I understood your reasons back before you had your accident. Nevertheless, tell them they how wrong they are," he stated quietly.

I could hear a new desperation in Jacob's voice. Frankly, it unsettled me. This side of him was something I hadn't witnessed before. I quickly became very irate with the line of questioning. And when I saw a smug look on Felix's face, I fought the urge to slap it off of him.

It bothered me to admit to Felix that he was right. It was almost as if by admitting to them that I still had strong feelings for Edward, I was doing something shameful.

_Just because he cheated on you doesn't mean you stopped loving him. Your heart can't help who it loves._

Beneath it all, the feelings I had for Edward were just as strong now as they were when I first fell in love with him. I would love Edward Cullen until the day I died. I knew that when I left him four years ago. I knew it as I fell down the stairs and lost our baby. I knew it last night when I saw him again, and I knew it this morning when he admitted how that harlot from his prep school leaned up and kissed him.

While I knew how pathetic it might have seemed, at the end of the day, it was the truth. I couldn't be held responsible for whom I fell in love with, but I would definitely be responsible with how I choose to deal with his infidelity.

Over the last four years, my self-imposed isolation from Edward and his family had to do with a lot of things. I needed to create a barrier which would allow me to think. Not to mention the fact that I didn't want them to find out about the baby. However, the other half of it was, so that no one could influence me to forgive Edward if I wasn't ready.

I sat and watched everyone, and I slowly realized how far to the opposite end I had come. How different was everyone in this room from the people I felt would try and sway me? While the Cullens would persuade and want me to work it out, everyone here wanted me to cut my ties and run in the opposite direction. Except for Leah, they wanted me to throw Edward to the wolves and rejoice in his pain. It was all so suffocating.

"I think I need everyone to leave." I didn't bother looking up as I clenched my sweaty palms. "I need you all to leave right now. And please don't disturb me unless I call you first."

One by one they all got up and made their way to the door. I watched as Uncle Aro and Felix left first, followed by Leah. Jacob stood with his back toward me, facing the door for a minute. He took a deep breath and slumped his shoulders as he walked out.

As soon as the door clicked shut, I made my way over to dining table that was filled with beautiful desserts. I sat down and with a silent nod of appreciation I started to eat away my stress over the last two days.

It had been two hours, twenty-five minutes, and fifteen seconds since I had last seen Edward. I don't know if it was after the second slice of cheesecake or between bites of the chocolate mousse when I realized that I really couldn't eat my problems away. It tasted amazing, literally like having an orgasm in my mouth. However, it wasn't like having Edward in my mouth.

_Edward in my mouth, yummy. Geez focus, Bella, focus!_

I was horny beyond belief. I mean just looking at Edward made me soak my panties. I was shocked at my slowly aching reaction to my carnal thoughts of Edward, but I had to face the facts that while we had a lot of problems, the bedroom was never one of them.

_Edward soaking my panties. Edward licking me up and down. Focus!_

My head dropped with a thud on the table, right in between the bowl of fresh strawberries and bowl of whipped cream. I smiled when a memory from our honeymoon popped up. In St. Lucia, Edward's family had a villa on the hilltop right above Smuggler's Beach. We tried snorkeling, but in a typical Bella move, I ended up inhaling a ton of salt water. It screwed around with my sense of taste because no matter what I ate, it always tasted salty. Edward was determined not to let it ruin our honeymoon, so he insisted that I have nothing but the most sugary of things to counter the effect.

I rolled my eyes at the thought.

Of course, it still didn't help, but at the time I would have eaten anything just to make him happy. The real idea behind the eating was that Edward had a food fetish, but not in the sick "shoving carrots up your ass" kind of way. No, my love had an obsession with watching me eat. It started off slow at first with watching me nibble on candy and chips. Then one day, I realized he would load my plate with food at the morning buffets. He would always make comments that I needed to pack more meat on my bones, but deep inside, I knew my Eddie love had some hidden agenda. It was the third day of our honeymoon when my husband finally came clean. I was in the process of snacking on strawberries covered in whipped cream while leafing through a magazine when Edward's gaze caught my eyes. He was sitting on the edge of the bed and leaned forward on his elbows. His eyes held a dark and predatory expression. I still remembered the ragged breaths he took when I slowly started licking the strawberry clean with the tip of my tongue. He mimicked the move with his tongue as it darted out and licked his bottom lip. Feeling a little adventurous, I dipped the whole strawberry in the bowl of whipped cream and took a huge bite of it. When I unintentionally dropped a smudge of cream on my wrist, I quickly licked the length of my arm to get all of it.

That did it. Edward quickly stood up and at the time I swore he growled at me. I slowly smiled when a wicked thought came to mind. I kept my eyes trained on him, and I slowly dipped two fingers into the bowl of cream and proceed to suck each digit in and out of my mouth. Edward's expression twisted in passion and he muttered "fuck."

When Edward started to take a few steps toward me, I stopped him with a shake of my hand. "No, no, no. Stay put, Mr. Cullen. Sit down and enjoy the show."

He reluctantly obeyed and sat down. While Edward and I weren't shy in the bedroom, the kind of arousal I felt on my honeymoon empowered me. After I tortured him and finished the strawberries at a snail's pace, I continued to tease Edward with each fruit I would violate with my tongue. When I had my fill of everything tropical and let the sticky juices coat my hands and neck, I stroked the banana I had saved for last. I ran my fingers up and down in a suggestive manner before I peeled it back. I slowly took the long fruit down my throat, bit into it and swallowed with an exaggerated gulp.

That pushed him over the edge. He got up, cupped my ass and ground against me. He ripped my tank top and panties off of me as he grunted, "You are so fucking dangerous."

I remembered the vigor with which I ripped off his shirt and buttons flew everywhere. I was so frantic with my actions. I remembered how he tasted as I licked him up and down his neck. Edward was so forceful in his actions. It made me putty in his hands. His voice was deep and dripped with lust. It aroused me in a way I had never felt before. He fucked me right there on the dining room table. Every thrust, he made in me, cemented not only his love but a desperate need to show me that he only wanted me. It was the beginning of a glorious week of fucking. Many fruit platters, yogurt bowls, and plates of chocolate cake later, I had officially been ravished on every hard surface possible.

I felt the tears sting my eyes and remembered those moments. The aroused sensation I felt from this morning was suddenly diminished. I lifted my head to look over at the strawberry bowl and couldn't contain the heated rage that had arisen inside of me.

_Fuck him! I love him! How could he do this to me?_

I picked up the fruit bowl and threw it across the room. The crash sent bits of glass and strawberries everywhere. Anger raced through me and the waves of fury kept me from backing down. I reached over and picked up the plate of chocolate cheesecake and slammed it against the table smearing the slice across the smooth wood. Like a runaway train, my hands moved of their own accord; I had lost control. My mind fluttered through every happy moment in my married life which was painted by Edward. With every bowl, plate, fork and cup I threw, I was desperate to destroy the illusion that he had built around me.

I was frantic and didn't stop until the masterpiece that Edward had created lay smeared and broken at my feet.

The relief I hoped would come when I was done eluded me, and not needed when my delicious ammo was spent, I slid to the ground right where I stood. I held myself around the waist and cried, rocking from side to side. Soon I leaned over, lay on the carpet and sobbed loudly. I was so lost in my manic state that it wasn't until I heard the voice that I realized I wasn't alone.

"Jesus Christ, Bella." I sat up slowly and wiped my runny nose. Jasper cautiously stepped over the broken glass and mangled food. "Are you hurt, sweetheart?"

I shook my head as he knelt down and picked me up in this arms. He carefully carried me to my room where he sat me down on the bed. Handing me his handkerchief, he walked into the bathroom and came back with a washcloth. He got on his knees in front of me and wiped my face and nose clean.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. Honey, I didn't know. Edward royally fucked up. Do you want me to beat him up for the hell of it?" I tried to smile a little but only managed to spill more tears instead. "I might just be able to get a few good jabs in, because, I think Rose has already taken up using him as a human punching bag."

I let myself chuckle until I turned back into a blubbering mess. The tears that I spilled this time were more of sheer fatigue and desperation. Jasper took me into his arms and hugged me quickly as he tried to soothe me.

"Do you believe him, Bella?" Jasper asked quietly.

_Yes, deep inside I want to believe him. _

"I don't know what to think. He broke my heart, Jasper. I mean walking in on that…that slut in _our_ bed. It is all too much." I sniffed and wiped away more tears. "I want to believe him, but it is all so convenient, don't you think? I mean the moment gone, something like this happens?"

Jasper nodded. "I know; it is farfetched."

"Not to mention that his version and my version are so different. He says the whore was in the guest bedroom while I know what I saw." My voice cracked with anger. "Besides Edward had four years, Jazz he had four years to come and find me. And instead all I got was one letter a whole year later, when I moved to New York. Where was he, Jasper? Where the hellwas he all that time? He wasn't with me. He wasn't hurt or upset. I saw the pictures; I know where he was."

I took a breath and pressed the washcloth to my face again hoping to cool the heat radiating from me.

"Bella, I don't know what to tell you, but it's not at all how it looks. He didn't mention any of this shit, but I know that Edward looked for you. In fact, he went mad looking for you. It was all so insane. Granted it wasn't until Emmett got back from visiting you that Edward got his ass in gear and finally manned up about finding you."

I shot my head up. "You all know about Emmett's visit to Italy?"

Jasper smiled. "Well, only Edward, Rose and I did. However, I didn't know where, well, until now that is."

"Why, Jasper Whitlock, you sneaky bastard." I smacked his arm and sat quietly as I pondered my next question. "So did Emmett mention why he came?"

Jasper got up and walked to the chair and, pulled it out and sat facing me. "Bella, when Emmett came back the first thing he did was beat Edward to within an inch of his life, so it wasn't hard to deduce that he went to see how you were doing. Emmett loves you like he does Alice. You have to have known that."

_Phew! Thank God Emmett didn't tell them about the baby. Wait? he beat up Edward!_

"Oh God no, tell me Emmett didn't?" I covered my mouth with my hands in shock.

Jasper nodded. "He was screaming at him that he was worthless and didn't deserve you. Edward didn't help matters when he started attacking Emmett in return. Thank God Rose was there because I wouldn't have been able to pull the two apart by myself."

I sat shocked at what I was hearing.

"Emmett broke down that you were so ruined when he saw you. We all freaked when we saw him on his knees holding onto Rose's waist in tears. He kept telling her that he would never take her for granted, and she would never her feel as broken as you did."

With every word I heard spill from Jasper's mouth, I felt my tears sliding down faster and faster. Jasper leaned forward and held my hand.

"Edward was a wreck after that, even more so than before. He begged Emmett to tell him where he had been and how to find you; for some reason, he was sure it was more than just a social visit. Emmett refused to say anything but that if Edward wanted answers, only you could give them to him. Bella, did you know that Edward flew to Italy and confronted Aro? He was sure that you were there. When he got nowhere with Aro, he flew to Forks and talked to Charlie."

My mind was reeling. Edward did come to find me, and no one told me! My mind raced through the possibilities. I knew I wasn't mentally stable after losing the baby, but had they really felt that seeing Edward would send me over the edge? I was going to kill Jacob and Uncle Aro. They were the only ones who could have done this. I clenched my fists realizing that even my father was in on it.

_What now? Does this change anything between us? Is it still too late? _

"Listen, Bella, I am not here to tell you what to do. I want you to know no one blames you for leaving. Especially now that we know what happened."

I blew my nose. "Do Esme and Alice know yet?"

Jasper shook his head. "Well, that is sort of what I had come here to talk to you about. Bella, we all kind of decided to not to tell them anything until after Alice and I are married."

I looked up at him with a puzzled expression. "Won't Alice and Esme find it strange that Edward and I are still separated?"

Jasper rubbed his face in his hands and glanced back up at me.

"Well, Bella, I have to ask you a favor. I am thinking of taking the plunge and entering the race for Senate."

I smiled excitedly for him; no doubt his father had finally gotten to him. "Oh Jasper, congratulations, I'm so happy for you! How is Alice taking the news?"

"Yeah, well I kinda had to promise Alice the perfect wedding before she would agree."

I sat back when I realized what he was going to ask next.

"Bella, Alice is the love of my life. As much as I know she would come to terms with yours and Edward's decision, I know it would kill her inside. Frankly, it would kill our whole family. Not coming isn't an option, we wouldn't be happy, unless both you and Edward were there." He paused for a moment and closed his eyes. "I know this is heartless of me to ask, hell Rose told me that she would cut my balls off for you when I mentioned it to her. Even so, Bella, this is so important to me and Alice. Not to mention the insane pressure the paparazzi would put on all of us. You and Edward are the media darlings of the family. If you start divorce proceeding in the middle of our wedding announcement, and if it goes through before the wedding, the media will eat us all up. Not forgetting to mention how it will all play out when I announce my run for Senate."

He took a deep breath and held the bridge of his nose.

"What are you asking me, Jasper?" I quietly said.

He looked up again. "Bella can you find it in your heart to endure Edward a little more? Just until Alice and I are officially married? I can't ask you to wait until next year's elections. I already know how insane what I'm asking is. So I'm just going to ask about making Alice happy. What do you think?"

I thought for a long minute. "What will Alice think? What will Esme say?"

"We don't have to tell them anything. If you don't want to. On the other hand, if you are comfortable, we can tell them whatever you want. Just not the whole truth," Jasper shot out.

"What about…" Jasper quickly cut me off. "Edward will be fine with whatever. It is not like he is in a position to choose. The decision is really yours to make."

I thought for a minute while Jasper stared at me. I processed what he was asking me.

"Jasper, I need time to think. How long do I have until I have to give you an answer?" I couldn't believe I was even going to think about it.

"Bella, we were planning on giving an exclusive to one of the major magazines that has caught Alice's eye. So I guess we have until the day after tomorrow. Is that too soon?"

I bit my thumb and looked around the room. My eyes fell on my reflection that outlined the shiny platinum wedding band on my hand. I slowly rubbed my fingers over it.

"Jasper, I will give you an answer tomorrow morning, okay?"

He quickly got up and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek. "Bella, thank you for thinking about this. Whatever decision you make is fine. I promise you. No pressure, all right?"

"No worries, Jasper. I just hope whatever the decision is, it's the right one." I walked him through the landmine of glass and sweet smells of sugar as we made our way to the door. Before he opened the door, Jasper handed me the room key. I looked up at him in wonder.

"Can you give this to Leah?" Jasper said with a small smile.

My eyes bugged out a little before I smiled in return. "Sure Jasper, I can definitely return this to her. Thank you, Jazz."

He glanced both ways before he disappeared down the hallway. As I shut the door, I smiled a little when I realized that I had a little spy to help me get around Jacob if I ever needed to. I ran back into the bedroom and washed up. I brushed my hair and changed my clothes before I quickly slipped on my ballet flats and grabbed my cell. Dialing the number from memory and hoped it was still in service.

"Hey, it's me. Where are you? Do you have time to talk right now? Yes, alone. I'll be there in ten minutes." I quickly shut my cell phone and made my way to the door. Once I was sure the hallway was deserted, I quickly made my way to elevators. I hopped in and pressed the button for the floor that held the art gallery. I fidgeted and fought the nerves that were getting to me. As the door opened, I followed the pathway to a hallway filled with amazing art work. I followed the art down the hall until I came to the center of a dome-like room with glass wall that overlooked the city.

My heart fluttered when I saw him hunched over with his head in his hands and his back toward me. I took a deep breath and walked over. As I got closer to him, I saw him shift and raise his head. I stopped short of the bench and just stood behind him, watching him. He knew I was here but didn't make an effort to move. He just continued to sit there and looked the city outside.

When the silence was too much to bear, I spoke out. "Did you tell anyone where you were going?"

He just sat there and shook his head. I took a hesitant step forward and sat down next to him. "Neither did I."

Before I had a chance to say anything else he quickly grabbed my hands and held them tight. "Can we just sit here for a minute and just pretend? Please?"

I took a breath as the warmth of his hands sent a flood of passion through me. I looked at the profile of his face as he held my hands, and I tried to ignore my heart as it continued to race. I forced myself to settle next to him and relaxed as he continued to hold my hands. He never turned to face me, or even tried to pull me to him. He just waited for my answer.

"Sure, Edward, if you want, we can sit here," I whispered.

We watched the city in the different shades of light that danced in between the sun and clouds. We remained silent and did our best not to ruin this moment. I watched as he stroked my hands slowly and rubbed small soothing circles on them. Every now and then, he would flip my hand over and trace the life line etched on my palm. I felt a familiar electric sensation as it awoke inside of me. The current was strong, and the connection was so direct and I couldn't ignore how right this felt. Slowly, the ice bricks I had cemented around my heart with started to melt. I took the mental chisel and started to chip away all the excess protection.

For the first time in four years, I sat next to Edward Cullen and instead of the pain, I tried to remember what it was like when I loved being his wife.


	7. Difficult Dialogue&Unexpected Nightmares

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa my PTB beta's and Magan Bagan my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Seven

**Difficult Dialogue & Unexpected Nightmares**

We sat for what seemed like forever with our fingers intertwined. I couldn't get over just how right it felt to experience his soft and satiny touch. Edward kept his gaze low and pressed soothing circles on my hand; each stroke of his thumb acted to ignite a fierce fire inside me. It wasn't that I was filled with lust or arousal, like all the recent times we had touched. No, this time, I sensed the real Edward and everything he tried so hard to hide. I felt his fear and desperation to stay near me; the emotions poured out of him with his every touch.

While I gave Edward this moment to "_pretend"_ as he put it, I nervously allowed myself the same. My body ached and quivered when I turned on the heater that caused the ice that encased my heart to melt away. When I pushed past the fear, I was surprised at how quick and easy it was to let him all in again. The silence in which we sat wasn't suffocating or nerve-wracking. Our close proximity wasn't filled with tension or anxiety. We sat together and tried to forget the world for the moment. We just sat there remembering who we were when we were in love.

_Take it in, Bella. Take it all in. Remember, happiness doesn't last forever._

"Bella, your hands are still so soft," Edward mumbled as he pulled the backs of my hands to his face and ghosted his lips over them. I bit my lower lip and watched his perfectly sculpted fingers position my hand to cup his face and slowly rested my palm on his cheek. The sensation was tender but rough at the same time. I loved the way he had my fingertips caress the stubble of his unshaven skin. I closed my eyes and parted my lips as Edward continued to play the erotic puppet master with my hands. I was so lost in trying to control the breathy moan that threatened to escape me that I almost didn't hear him. "Bella?"

My eyes flew open and I jerked back to realize how close our faces suddenly had become. The love in his eyes was replaced in a flash with a look of disappointment. I almost wanted to lean back toward him to bring the look back when I realized how much I missed it. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, and the wall he had mastered surrounding himself with was quickly put back into place. I couldn't help but feel a little ashamed for allowing him to touch and caress me. I squinted my eyes in frustration at the thought that Edward might have entertained this as a way to fix our messy situation.

When I felt Edward stiffen a little, I let out a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I slowly muttered. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

I stood slowly and pulled away as I tried to leave. Edward's grip tightened and his gaze quickly turned to plead with me. "No, Bella, wait. It's okay. Please."

In an instant Edward had jumped up and grabbed my arm, pulling me back to sit on the bench. I slipped my arm away and shook my head at him. I couldn't go back to sit with him. Being so near to him was starting to become more than I could handle. Instead, I sat as far away on the bench from him as I could, placed my hands in my lap and occupied myself with picking at my nails. Edward, obviously not pleased with the new seating arrangement I had selected, tugged at his hair in frustration before he made his way over to the glass wall. He gazed out over the city and I overheard him mumble something under his breath."

"So I spoke to Jasper," I started, desperately wanting to find a way to break the tension in the room that was nearing its boiling point.

"Yeah, Jasper ran it past me," he stated.

"I told him I needed time to think about it." I tore my eyes away from him and looked down at my hands.

"What are you planning on doing?" Edward whispered.

"Well, that depends." I risked a glance up at him.

Edward's back tensed a bit but remained firm. "What does it depend on, Bella?"

I was nervous when I stood up and walked to his side. Edward kept his gaze straight ahead and made no attempt to look at me. "It depends on you Edward."

Edward turned his face slightly to appraise me. I held his stare and struggled to keep my expression neutral. He let out a sigh and turned to look back out again.

"I think I must be hearing things, because from what you've just said, one would infer that _I_ actually have a say in the matter." There was a thin irritated tone to his remark.

"Edward, do you think that I could make a decision like this alone? Of course, you have a say." My tone was a little harsher than I intended. "So, what do you think? Are you comfortable with what Jasper is asking of us?"

The side of his mouth suddenly held a smirk and he turned to face me, as he crossing his hands over his chest. "Well, love, it depends on what you are asking. If you are asking me if I am okay with lying for the sake of my sister's happiness and mother's sanity, the answer is yes." I smiled a little and looked up into his eyes. He was so loyal and devoted to Esme and Alice; it was this side of Edward that had attracted me so much to him when we first met.

When I looked back up at him, his face quickly changed back to the stern Edward I has grown accustomed to seeing lately.

"However, if you are asking me if I'm okay with having to act like I'm in a happy, loving relationship with my _own wife,_ then the answer is no. In fact, it is a God-damned insult, Bella. I'm good enough to play house with, but I'm not good enough to believe?" I felt the impact of his words as if he slapped me with them.

I wanted to yell and get mad at him.

_I'm not the one who screwed up, asshole!_

I wanted to kick him in the shin and slap him, but not with words. I wanted to hurt him, physically. However, the sober and emotionally drained state I was in had l left my defenses weak. The weight of his words clung to me and piled up on my psyche. I clenched my fists before using the only viable weapon at my disposal.

"Damn it Edward, I I don't want to fight with you! If you are strongly opposed to Jasper's idea, then forget it. We won't do it. I'll just fly back to New York today. We can have Jasper and Felix sort out the mess afterwards. I'll leave quickly and quietly. It will be best for everyone." I turned to leave when I was jerked back.

"Can't help it, h , huh? You can't help but always run away." He pulled me close into his arms and encased me. When he spoke next, his voice was still serious, but now with a dark edge. "Why are you always running away from me, , love?"

I was so caught up in the humming sensation again as his body molded against mine. I opened my mouth and tried to speak but neither words nor sound came out. I stood there and was glued in place by his beauty and soothing proximity all at the same time.

_Snap out of it, Bella! He doesn't own you! Body or soul! Well, at least he doesn't know he still does. _

I managed to regain my composure but didn't attempt to pull from his grip. "Edward, I am not running away. You just make this all so hard. I mean isn't it enough that you did what you did?"

I felt his breath on my forehead and my resolve almost faded. He tightened his hold on my body and pulled me closer to him. "Just what did I do to you, Bella?"

"You know what you did, Edward." My voice shook, but I didn't dare to look up at his face.

"Tell me to my face what you think I did to you, Bella. Look into my eyes when you say it." I knew what the son of a bitch was doing. The cold-hearted bastard wanted me to feel his pain. I struggled to pull away from him.

"Let me go, you sadistic ass! Let me go!" I tried to pull myself away from him, but he had a firm grip around me. My heart hurt and my tears stung as I tried to hold them back. "What do you want from me? Tell me, Edward, what do you want? You want to see me hurt? You want to see me cry? You're such an asshole! You know that? Fuck you!"

His eyes were dark and blazed like green fire.. He just stood there, not moving or letting me go. My lower lip quivered as I stared at his beautiful face-his brows were pulled close together as he leaned toward me and searched my eyes.

_Don't cry, damn it. Don't let him see you cry!_

I tried to steady myself with deep breaths. I looked down at his chest and focused as it rose and fell in sync with the tension within me.

"Fuck, you really believe I cheated on you? Don't you?" he whispered in almost disbelief. "Jesus Christ, Bella, you really believe what you think you saw, don't you?"

I shot my head up. "No shit, really? What did you think I was pissed about all this time? Did you think I was so fucking demented that I woke up one day and decided to tear down my happiness with a wrecking ball? Did you think I was bored when I waltzed around and made a spectacle of myself? And as if walking in on the damn affair wasn't humiliating enough, I decided to accuse the only man I have ever loved of ripping my life to shreds. You're God-damned right I believe what I saw!"

I struggled to keep my anger from making me physically lash out at him. I wanted to slap him so hard. I tried to move my hands, but he only tightened his already vice-like grip. "Bella, calm down."

"Are you fucking serious? Do you really think I would I break it all apart if I didn't believe it?"

"Of course not! Damn it, Bella! If I did everything you accused me of, why I would lie and deny it? What good would it have done me? If I did everything you said, I would own up to it, you know that. Even so, for God's sake, I'm telling you the truth. I didn't fucking cheat on you!"

I looked away before I let him get the best of me again. He wasn't finished. "Look at me, damn it! Why the fuck would I be fighting so hard for you if I didn't love you? Why the fuck would I want you or even come here if I had cheated on you?"

I spat the first thing that popped into my mind, "Cause you want my fucking money!"

_Holy Fuck, no! I did not just say that. _

"Your fucking what?" He suddenly let me go and took two big steps back. He faced me with a look of disbelief. "I can't believe you said that."

I rubbed my arms and turned my back to him. "Fuck, Edward, that came out wrong. I didn't mean that. You just bring out the worst in me, damn it."

"Yeah, right." He snorted. "Freudian slip, maybe?"

"No, it was just something that came up recently. It was stuck in my mind."

_Damn that Felix! Damn that Italian snake!_

I pressed my fingers to my temples and exhaled loudly. I turned to him and realized it was really important that he know that I didn't believe that. "I swear, Edward, that's not really what I've been thinking, all right?"

He stood there with his hands on his hips and let out a deep breath as he looked down. "I believe you, Bella. You wanna know why?"

I shook my head; I already knew what he was going to say. "Fuck, I don't care if you do or don't. I'm still gonna tell you."

I sighed. Edward always had to make sure to get his point across.

"Whether you like to admit it or not, Bella, I know you. Everything that has to do with money, wealth and power disgusts you. This whole fucking media shitstorm it doesn't mean a damn thing to you. If I was a pauper and had only a ham sandwich to my name, you'd still have given me a chance."

_He was right. I had fallen in love with him the first moment I saw him. _

He slowly walked toward me and spoke in his smooth, melodic tone. "Because deep inside that is who you are, the kind of girl who looked past it all. You have and always will be the only woman who could see me for who I am."

He towered over me again and slowly raised his hands to pull me to him. "Isabella Swan was a shy, sensitive girl who taught me how to love."

My heart beat so loudly against my chest, it almost drowned out what he said next. "And Isabella Cullen is the woman who holds my soul. Without her, I have no reason to exist."

He reached out to hold me close, and I hesitated only for second before I let myself fall against him. Giving in wasn't about lust or anything sexual. It had been so long, and I just wanted to feel my husband's warmth around me. We stood so close to each other that our bodies touched and almost intertwined. It pained me when I felt him sigh as he pulled back. I kept the wavering control steady and didn't give in to the temptation that begged me to pull him back. I was so content to just stand and lean on him; even so, I let out a slow, nervous breath and waited for him to begin again.

"Bella, who gave you that ridiculous idea about me wanting your money? And don't tell me you just thought it by mistake. I know someone is giving you more reasons to doubt me."

"Edward, it was something stupid Felix said," I mumbled reluctantly.

"Ah, so that piranha you call a lawyer has filled your head with useless shit, huh?" He chuckled as he flashed me one of his sarcastic smiles.

I ignored him and rolled my eyes. "Before you get all mad and accuse me of listening to him, I shot him down, I will have you know. I didn't believe it when he suggested it. I know you better than that."

"But I am low enough to cheat on you with a woman in our own bed. I see how it is." His laugh was laced with bitterness.

I let out an irritated sigh. "Edward, please. Let's not start this again. Can we hurry up and figure what we are going to tell Jasper? I really don't have much time left."

Anger flashed across Edward's eyes before he reached out and held my face in his hands. "Bella, wa, w, we have all the time in the world, love. Don't let them poison you anymore."

It hurt to look into his deeply wounded expression. I clutched his shirt in my fingers.

"Edward, no one is poisoning me," I whispered against his hand. "It is just so complicated. We can't sort it out right now. So, just tell me what you think."

Edward leaned in closer and whispered close to my lips, "What do _you_ think about it, love?"

I watched as the words spilled out of his mouth and I felt them ghost over my lips. I heard the siren song his sweet breath sang to me. Nevertheless, my thoughts had to bring me back to reality.

_Edward Cullen is a master in the art of seduction! Be strong!_

I jerked back but remained his embrace. "Why is it so hard for you to answer the damn question?"

"I answered it. I can't help it of you don't like my answers," he quipped.

"Edward, you didn't answer it and you know it. However, since you are so damn stubborn, let me ask you again. Are you okay with delaying the divorce until after Jasper and Alice's wedding?"

"I have a much better idea. How about we delay the divorce indefinitely?" he said with a smirk. I shook my head and looked down at his chest.

_Asshole Edward was back. _

"Edward, please don't make fun. This is so hard for me. I love Alice and I love Esme. I'm so scared about what they are going to do and think." He rubbed my shoulders slowly.

"I would love to say that they would hate you unless you stayed with me and gave me another chance, but it would be a lie. They will still love you. Hell, they will probably have me executed before they hear my side." He chuckled slightly but his eyes never left mine. I was a little taken aback at how nonchalant he was behaving regarding the situation. He noticed my silent stare and pressed the pad of his thumb over my cheek softly.

"Bella, why did it take you so long to come back?" he asked quietly.

I took a deep breath; I knew he would have questions too. "I needed time to sort things out."

He eyes returned to their sad state. "So, these last four years in seclusion were to think about us? There wasn't something else that made you want to stay away?"

"Edward, I have no idea what you are talking about; what else could there be?" Fear was creeping up inside of me.

_Did he know about the baby?_

"Are you sure, love? There was nothing that kept you distracted enough to want to stay away?"

_Great! He thought I had someone in my life. _

"Edward, unlike you, I believed the vows we took. I didn't plan on breaking them when I promised myself to you. And I haven't broken them in the time I have been away." For some weird reason it was important that he knew that. Even though, deep inside a part of me wanted to sting him and litter his mind with insecurity.

"I only ask because, Bella, the way you left... I mean, I know if you believed what you saw running away to take time to process it is understandable. But even I know it would take more than just my assumed infidelity to keep you away for four years." He shrugged his shoulders and continued, "So I just wondered, you know, was there a chance you found someone that made you want to stay away?"

_How could you of all people even think a thought like that? I loved you, damn it! I still love you._

"I think you are confusing yourself with me! Like I would need another reason other than the fact that you cheated on me to stay the hell away from you!" I tried unsuccessfully to pull away again.

He gave me a stern look. "Bella, when I finally figure out what happened that night, and I assure you I plan on discovering the whole truth, you will see just how wrong you are."

"Edward, forget it. Let me go. I don't want to play this horrible game with you, and I'm getting a headache." He finally released his grip on me. "I'll let Jasper know that we haven't come to an agreement."

I turned to walk away and rubbing my arms when his voice stopped me. "Bella, tell Jasper I'm game."

"Edward, are you sure you will be able to handle it? There are some ground rules that will have to be set. And I'm sure you will not be very happy with them."

He laughed a little, but his eyes were still horrifically sad. "At the risk of sounding desperate Bella, I'm prepared to agree to just about anything as long as it means I get to be close to you."

As much as my heart almost burst with joy when he said those words, I knew I really had to sit and rethink everything. Especially after talking with Jasper, I knew I couldn't have Edward walk into this with a false sense of hope that we would get back together. I loved him yes, but would I be the type of woman who could forgive his past moment of weakness? Could I trust him again? If there was a chance that I could forgive him, would it mean that I had to come clean as well? A slow ache formed in the pit of my stomach.

_Would I even be able to be honest with him about the baby? _

"Edward, I'm sorry, but I don't think we should do this if your hopes are going to get high. I haven't changed my mind about the divorce." I tried to control the unsteadiness in my voice.

He suddenly looked confused. "Then why even agree?"

I nervously bit my lower lip. "Like I have said all along, I am doing this for Alice and Esme. I know how important my wedding day would have been for my mother had she been alive. I will never forget how much Esme and Alice did for me on our wedding. I can't be a party to robbing this experience from them. I love them, Edward. Even if I might lose them at the end of the day, I would still do anything to make their magical moments of life nothing short of perfect."

He looked so broken. I realized it never occurred to him that my consideration of the idea was never anything other than as a favor to Jasper. It never occurred to him that our ruse was just that, a ruse. At the end of the day, it was still just delaying the inevitable. My heart sank a bit when I realized that he had hoped that our divorce was not happening.

_You are such a coward. Be honest you are doing this to be close to Edward, too! _

"I'm sorry, Edward. I thought you completely understood why I was here." He clenched his jaw, and I could see his inner rage as he fought with himself to control his words.

"No, it's fine, Bella. We're okay. It was my fault for reading too much into this."

The ache in my stomach had started again and it rose to my chest. It was dull at first, but when I saw Edward's expression it made it worse. I started to reach out to him to offer some kind of comfort.

"Edward, listen, I…"

"Bella? Thank God! Where the hell have you been? How many times do I have to tell you not to wander off alone?" Jacob's tone startled me. He looked livid as he marched over toward me. Before he had a chance to reach out to me, Edward tugged me back behind him.

"Back off, Black, I mean it. Bella and I are talking." Edward's voice was quiet, but every word dripped with venom.

"Fuck off, Cullen! I don't take orders from you." He shifted his gaze to me. "Bella, come with me. We have to get going-It's important."

I searched Jacob's eyes and realized he wasn't as mad as I would have thought; he was more relieved than anything. I put a hand on Edward's arm, squeezing it lightly, and he turned to look over his shoulder at me. I silently reasoned with him to stand down, and he complied. He slowly backed away a little but not before reaching down to grab my hand and lace our fingers together. When I looked up, his eyes pled with me at allow him this, the freedom to treat me as his wife, so I nodded and held his hand more firmly.

"I'm sorry to break up your little reunion, Bella, but you have to come with me." Jacob held out his hand for me to take. "Please, Bella. I have to talk to you in private."

Before I could respond to Jacob, Edward stepped forward and dragged me with him in the direction of the elevators.

"Let's go. If you want to talk privately, we'll go somewhere private and talk. Go ahead, Black, lead the way."

"Bella, I need to see you _alone_," Jacob emphasized. He clenched his teeth so hard that I swore I saw his jaw twitch.

I shook my head. "Jacob, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to just take off. I know I always say that, nevertheless, you would never have let me come up here and talk to Edward."

"Damn right, I wouldn't have! It's not safe," he shouted. "_He's_ not safe!"

"Jacob, stop it! I said I was sorry, now let's go," I snapped. Edward looked like he wanted to dismember Jacob as we made our way to the elevators. "Come on, both of you."

We climbed into the elevator and Jacob took a defensive position in front of us. He remained quiet but his death stare at Edward's reflection screamed volumes. I decided I need to try and defuse the situation as quickly as possible.

"Listen, Jake, I know there are some things that will be really hard for you to understand. Please just listen to me before you start freaking out."

"What the fuck, Bella? Since when do you owe Jacob an explanation for anything?" Edward snap.

Suddenly, before I knew what was happening, Jacob slammed the emergency stop button and the elevator came to a screeching halt. I was bounced back by his sudden lack of motion. Apparently, Edward and Jacob were on the same page because they both grabbed for each other's throat. Fists and punches were thrown everywhere. Their rage was so evident; it was like they weren't even human anymore. Edward and Jacob attacked each other with such fury that it looked more like a mountain lion and wolf clawing at each other.

"You asshole! How dare you! Do you have any idea what you put her through? You almost killed her, you bastard!" Jacob belted out.

"Don't think I don't know how you operate, you fucking pussy! I bet you were all too happy to make sure Bella believed nothing but the worst of me. What did you tell her? Tell me, fucker. What did you brainwash her with to turn her against me?" Edward screamed. I put my hands to my ears as their verbal attacks became louder and cruder.

"Pussy? If anyone is the pussy here, it's you! Why did you do it, you fucker? Why did you cheat on her? Did it make you feel good inside to make Bella feel like a fool? How many more were there, Assward! Come on, confess it. That slut wasn't the first time you've fucked around behind Bella's back, was it? Come on, confess how many more hussies have you fucked in Bella's bed?"

_Aw, fuck, that one stung._

"I am going to kill you, Jacob Black. I am going to kill you with my bare hands!" Edward roared. I knew if this rage continued, they would most probably hurt each other. I looked up at the elevator buttons and quickly pulled the lever back that jump-started the elevator into motion. The guys almost fell on top of one another but kept their balance and maintained the death grip they had on each other. I got up and tried to stop them.

"You guys, please stop this! Edward! Jacob! Please?" I tried to pull them apart, but it seemed as though they had soldered themselves together.

They rolled around the elevator and kicked and jabbed at each other. Suddenly, an arm shot out and pushed me back. I braced myself for impact against the elevator doors, but instead of feeling the cool metal doors, I fell further down and landed on the hard, carpeted floor. With all the commotion, I didn't realize that doors had opened. I looked behind me and I saw Jasper and Emmett talking to Felix. Their heads snapped up and they looked mortified at the scene before them. They suddenly ran forward and pried the guys apart.

"Jesus Christ! Can't you two stop fighting each other for one second?" Emmett boomed. They both stood back gasping for air. I could already see the base of Jacob's eye socket start to swell while Edward was bleeding from his temple.

"You guys are idiots! I am so sick of this! Why do you guys insist on re-enacting scenes from fucking Fight Club? You know what? I don't care anymore. I really don't! Go ahead and kill each other!" I turned around and started down the hallway. I ignored Emmett and Felix as I heard them call out for me to stop. "I'm going to my room, leave me alone!"

As I approached my suite, I could see a few security people standing outside my room, and Esme and Carlisle stood silently in the doorway. She looked like she had been crying. I sped up my pace and met her.

"Esme? Is everything all right? What has happened?" She turned and looked relieved to see me. She quickly hugged me close. Carlisle came over and hugged us both.

As she pulled back, she gave me a strong smile. "Everything is fine now that you are here. You are going to come home with us, no questions. I can't stand having you away from me any longer. All right, Bella?"

I listened to her frantic plea and was confused as to why she was being so emotional and stern.

_Did she find out about Edward cheating on me? Holy fuck, did they find out about the baby?_

"Listen, Esme, I know I owe you a lot of answers. I'm sorry I didn't realize the toll all of this must have… I stopped short and gasped as I glanced inside my suite. Fear overtook my emotions, and I felt like someone had thrown a bucket of cold ice water at me.

I started to walk into the room, but Esme pulled me back. I struggled and avoided her grip. I could hear Carlisle as he called for Edward to come get me. At first, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was too horrific to be true; it had to be someone's version of a sick joke. My eyes went wide, I couldn't look away no matter how hard I tried. There, in the center of the living room, was my mother's headstone. I would have recognized the engraved granite slab anywhere. It had her face etched in the center, and I was in total shock at what was painted over the middle. The words stung me to the very core;

Here lies

Isabella Swan Cullen

A useless daughter, motherless brat, and a baby killing whore!

Survived by no one who loves her.

May she burn in hell!

I fell to the floor and screamed. "What is this? My God! Who would do this?"

The entire room went blurry and I held my hand to my chest, as if to hold myself together. The pain traveled its angry way through my rib cage, and I heard my heartbeat as it thundered in my ears. My mind slowly began to fail me and I felt dizzy again. I gasped for breath and tried to control the sobs that wracked my body. I pressed my eyes shut and started to rock in an effort to calm myself. When I couldn't stand it anymore, the pain erupted inside of me. Every attempt I made to control the agony failed and I finally gave in. I searched my soul for what would make the pain go away; I needed my shelter, my security blanket, my best friend.

I needed who I leaned on in my moments of utter crisis and confusion. My lips barely formed coherent sounds, but I mustered up my strength and screamed out. "Jacob, help me!"


	8. Nostalgic Nightmares

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa my PTB beta's and Magan Bagan my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Eight

**Nostalgic Nightmares **

As soon as I screamed for him, I felt Jacob's arms around me. He held me close, my back to his chest as he cocooned me into a soothing embrace.

"Bella, breathe. I have you. Everything is gonna be okay. I swear." The control in Jacob's in voice sent a calm vibe through me, and instantly, my body began to relax.

I clung to Jacob as he whispered words of strength into my ears, and in the background I could hear Edward and Carlisle as they argued with one another. My mind was such a blur that I couldn't make out their angry words, but their tone did send fear through me, and I whimpered out loud. I heard Jacob use his commanding voice to tell them to shut up and calm down. He reminded them that they were only making me feel worse. I felt a soft hum filter through me, and I realized Edward had knelt down in front of me and suggested that Jacob get me out of the there. I tried to reach out to Edward, but I couldn't fight through the shock of what I had just seen.

I felt Jacob pick me up while he called for Leah, who materialized out of nowhere, and she was instantly by our side to join us. I had managed to wrap my arms around his neck as he carried me down the hallway behind Carlisle. I took a chance to glance over his shoulder and saw Edward and Jasper as they walked with Esme, who wiped her eyes as they followed.

Edward's eyes were steely as he walked; I knew it was because he didn't understand what was going on. I knew it killed him that I had asked for Jacob. I only prayed that once I had chance to work through it myself that he would still be there to hear me out.

Edward caught me as I stared at him, and he quickly softened his look to give me a small smile.

My lips quivered so much so that I couldn't even form a word or even smile in response to him. As we approached a set of doors, Carlisle moved forward and unlocked them. He gestured for us to follow him into his and Esme's suite. I saw as Esme pulled Edward into a hug as they watched Jacob carry me into the bedroom.

I was silent but a steady flow of tears were falling on my cheeks as Jacob laid me down on the bed.

"Bella, let me get you some water, okay? It will make you feel better." I pulled away and curled into a ball as I watched him move to the table that held the pitcher and glasses. He handed me the glass and motioned for Leah to come and sit with me.

"I have to talk to the security team, Bella," Jacob started. I shot a hard look over to him and begged him with my eyes to stay. "I'm right on the other side of that door, Bells. If you need anything, Leah will get me. You need to rest, okay? I swear I'll be right here when you wake up."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. It was soft and platonic, and something only Jacob could get away with. The only other lips that were ever allowed near me were Edward's. Jacob squeezed my shoulders before he walked to the door and shut it behind him.

In an effort to soothe my emotions, Leah rubbed my back as I lay on the bed. She leaned forward and whispered, "Calm yourself, Mrs. Isabella. It will be all right; Jacob will see to that."

I knew better. It was not every day that someone could get a two hundred and thirty pound granite headstone into a high security building. I almost wanted to laugh when I remembered the weight; it was something that just stuck out when we were picked out the colored rock for my mother's funeral. Whoever put it there had some kind of connections. Even I knew how connected someone had to be in order to pull off something like that; the thought alone sent me over the edge.

My tears continued to flow and I sobbed harder. As the horrific words on the grave stone streamed through my mind, I felt the room start to spin. Their impact was just as strong. A sense of fear swept through me, and I felt like someone had thrown ice water on me. My body jolted up and I screamed hysterically. My thoughts quickly turned to the one person I always forgot until the end, Charlie.

"My God! Charlie! Someone check on Charlie. Edward! Please my father! Edward, check on him! Jacob! Jacob!" I pulled myself from Leah's grasp and sprinted out of the bedroom. I ran smack into Jacob's brick-like chest, and he instinctively held me close to him. Through my tears, I saw Edward was right behind him but didn't make an attempt to touch me. However, the anguish he was feeling was all too evident by the look in his eyes.

"It's okay, Bella. I called Sam. He checked on Charlie. He's fine; I have Embry and Paul setting up surveillance and around the clock security. It's all going to be fine. You and Charlie are safe. I swear."

Relief flooded me when I heard those words. I collapsed in his arms again and cried harder. "I just don't know what is going on, Jacob… why?"

Jacob tightened his hold on me and shushed me as he patted my back. We stood together in absolute silence, like so many times during these past four years. He always seemed to know just how to pacify my manic moods.

"Bella?" I heard Carlisle's concerned voice from behind me. "Bella, can I give you something? I really think you need to rest a little. Please let me give you something. Just for your nerves."

I sniffed and blew into the handkerchief that Carlisle handed me. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but frankly I needed to stop the insane thoughts that flooded my mind. "Okay, if you think so, Carlisle."

Jacob walked us toward the room again before; I headed in, I turned to see Edward, who stood with his hands clenched at his sides. He painfully mouthed "I love you."

Through my tears, I opened my mouth to tell him I loved him back, but Jacob shut the door before I could. I wiped away more tears and sat on the bed as Carlisle took out his syringe.

Leah looked nervous as Jacob just nodded and took my hand in his.

"It is a mild sedative, Bella; I really think it will calm you down," he said, swabbing my arm with an alcohol wipe. I felt a slight sting, but it was nothing compared to what my heart was feeling at that exact moment.

I lay back and stared out the window. I couldn't make out anything past the sheer white lining of the curtains. There was just a bright light that enhanced everything in the room. I swallowed hard and felt my eyes start to droop. I could hear Jacob and Carlisle murmur some words but nothing coherent stuck out. I felt Leah's soothing touch and let myself drift away.

A childlike giggle brought me out of my slumber. As I opened my eyes the sunlight blinded me, and I brought my hands up to shield myself. I slowly got up and looked around the room. I wasn't in the hotel suite anymore. I slowly pulled the covers back and slipped out of bed. I was wearing a white spaghetti strapped a-line satin night slip. It fell mid-thigh and flowed with me as I walked around the room. I glanced in the gold encrusted to the mirror and saw my hair longer and thicker than before. From the shape of my face and the natural rouge on my cheeks, I swore I was a few years younger. I suddenly heard the little giggle again and the pitter-patter of tiny feet running past the room. Without much thought, I followed after the sound.

The moment I stepped outside the room, I came upon a huge spiral staircase. The staircase had large white marble steps, and an enormous crystal chandelier was hanging in the air above it. I leaned over the railing and saw a beautiful sitting room with lots of floral arrangements. My eyes caught a little bundle in white with long brown hair as she ran across the open space to the doors in the far corner of the room.

"Wait! Please wait!" I reached out and yelled for the little girl to stop. I started to run down the stairs and across the room to the French glass doors she had gone through. I pulled open the doors and stopped dead in my tracks.

My eyes widened as I saw the little girl run and jump into Edward's arms. He smiled at her and twirled her around, kissing her cheeks. She giggled and held on tight to his neck.

"Daddy! Daddy! Faster Faster!" She squealed. My heart started to thud heavily against my chest.

_What the fuck is going on? _

Edward spun her around the kitchen, until he caught me as I stared at them. "Bella?"

I had just reached out and took a step in his direction when he faded away. In fact, the whole house just faded, and I suddenly stood in front of a large Tuscan-style villa. My breathing stopped when I realized where I was.

_No! This can't be. _

I sprinted through the gates and down the graveled path. I could see the driveway that was aligned with the vineyard where the grapes were grown. I could see a line of people standing and talking. I recognized all of them as "Security." I ran past them, not caring how haggard I must've looked. As I reached the wrought iron door handle, I pushed against it and screamed for my mother.

"Momma! Momma!" I screamed, running into the living room. Although I knew it was impossible, and that this had to be a dream, at that moment, I didn't care. I called out for my mother in vain and hoped I could save her. I searched the whole house for her when I caught the time.

_2:31pm_.

I heard a soft laugh from below the window. I peered outside and saw my mother as she walked toward the car. I screamed for her to stop and pounded on the window praying she would look up, when she finally did, she smiled and waved at me. I suddenly caught a glimpse of another man who walked toward her. My hands pressed my cheeks in shock and horror when I realized it was Edward. He approached her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. They both turned to me and waved.

I screamed for them to stop as I grabbed the chair behind me and threw it at the glass window. However, it just bounced off and landed near my feet. Bolting from the room, I prayed that I would make it in time. I made it out of the house just as the cars were pulling away. My feet carried me after the car that held two o f the most important people in my life, and I reached out for them as I ran. Suddenly, the ground shook and I looked up to see the limo burst into flames. The force of the blast threw me back, and I landed with a hard thud against the gravel. I felt the hairs on my arm singe from the fiery heat that pushed me back from the inferno. I cried out for my family as I picked myself up and turned to search for them. The effort sent jabs of pain down my back, so all I could do was crawl toward the carnage. Each movement was painful as I crawled to the outline of Edward's body. He was still surrounded by smoke and embers. When I finally reached him, I pulled him over to where? As his head rolled back, I screamed when I realized his face was a mangled mess.

I jolted back to reality, when I let out a bloodcurdling scream. I was back in the hotel room, on the bed. Even though I knew I was awake now, the reality of what I had witnessed in my slumber was hard to forget. I was encased by soft arms from behind me. I was a sobbing mess as I screamed and mumbled incoherent words. The familiar, soft and soothing voice reassured me that it was Leah, who was rocking with me on the bed.

"Shh… Mrs. Isabella. It will be all right. It was just a dream." She spoke so softly. "It is all over. You are safe now."

_Safe! What a joke! You don't put dead mother's gravestones in people's suite unless the intent is to send a clear message. Someone wanted me dead. _

My anxiety was high and I gasped for breath. Over the course of these last two days, I had discovered that there were so many things that I had perceived that were wrong. It made me re-think my strategy about having kept the baby a secret from Edward. However, instead of feeling that I had power because of it, I slowly felt the dread. If everything was exactly how I had believed it to be, I would have been justified in my actions. Nevertheless, now with so many "what ifs," I knew I was just as guilty, if not more, as he was.

The fact that someone now wanted me hurt or dead, it all just seemed so tragic. For some reason, it sounded just like something that would happen to me.

I held myself around my waist and curled up into the fetal position on the bed and cried. I was still so tired from the sedative that Carlisle had given me, but I willed myself to stay awake since my sleep only brought me nightmares. My sobs slowly grew silent and Leah lay back, pulling me against her. This position was so familiar and comfortable for me. There were so many nights that Leah held me when Jacob couldn't be there. While the process may not have felt foreign, the reason it was needed was definitely new.

I had lain like this with both Leah and Jacob so many times over the past four years. I remember when I woke up in the hospital in Rome. I was so confused because the first person I saw was Emmett, with his head resting at the foot of my bed. I thought at the time that maybe everything I had been through was just a horrible nightmare, and that it meant that Edward hadn't cheated. As morbid as it sounded, I hoped that maybe we had been in an accident, and I had been in a coma dreaming all this time. The sudden thoughts that Edward could be dead sent a wave of panic through my body. I sprang up and hissed as the pain in my body was awakened by my movements.

I screamed out. "Edward! Oh God, Emmett! Tell me Edward is okay!"

Emmett was at my side in an instant. I cried out for him to tell me what was going on. He gently cupped my face in his hands and assured me that Edward was fine. He kissed my cheeks tenderly and laid me back down. He didn't ask me anything but just sat there and stroked my bruised and stitched up face. Taking a chance, I looked at the television and realized it was all in Italian. It confirmed my suspicion that my nightmare was indeed true. The next natural thought dawned on me, and I ran my hands down to my abdomen. It was at that exact same moment that I realized there were no monitors to keep track of a fetal heart rate in the room.

My eyes refilled with tears immediately and they spilled freely over the rims of my eyes. Emmett watched me closely as my lips quivered uncontrollably. He leaned in close and slipped his arms around me, trying to ease my pain. I hated myself. My irrational behavior caused me to react in such a rash manner that I killed my own baby-Edward's baby. The pain in my heart was beating inside me with the force of a sledge hammer. I despised myself. As the violent storm of self-hate and loathing began, it was Emmett's voice that was a beacon for my soul.

"Bella, this is not your fault, love. Bella, sweetheart, it will be okay. Shush, it will be okay." He repeated the phrases and sometimes changed the words but the rhetoric was the same.

He spent the next few days within the hospital. He never left me, not even when Jacob or Uncle Aro wanted to talk to me alone. Emmett stood firm and was at my side the whole time. The nightmares were so much worse then. The panic attacks were so foreign and unexpected. Through it all, Emmett Bartholomew Cullen held me close and told me I was never alone.

It didn't escape my notice that he never once asked what had happened between Edward and me, or even if Edward knew that I had been pregnant. He just smiled on cue and would tell me jokes on good days, while holding me for hours on the bad.

When I was healthy enough to be released, Emmett begged me to come home with him. It was the first time he raised his voice to me, and of course, Jacob and Aro wouldn't hear of it. While they never told Emmett what Edward did, they didn't sugarcoat their hate for him. Emmett was fierce to defend his brother, but when my quiet voice told him I didn't know if I had a future with Edward, he broke down. He cried with me, begged me to listen to him, vowed that he would make sure to make things better. My heart broke when Emmett promised that there could be more babies with Edward. However, I had to be strong. I knew the only reason I had, where I would have had some dignity in taking Edward back, was gone.

I knew it was pride that held me back, but at the time I believed one hundred percent that he cheated on me. If we had a baby to consider, which at one time we did, then at least we had something we could use as the basis for reconciliation. I had been prepared to fight as hard as I could to win back the father of my child. Nevertheless, in those uncertain times, I just wasn't sure I had any strength left. So I put on a brave front. I held Emmett's face in my hands and asked him to carry around with him the most volatile secret that would definitely cripple Edward and his family if they ever found out.

When I took up residence again at Uncle Aro's guest villa, Emmett came to make sure that I was settled and well taken care of. He held me close and told me that he would never betray me and would protect me for as long as he could. He had no idea but at the time when the reality hit me that he was leaving, I was so afraid that I wanted to go with him. If he had asked me one more time to come home with him, I would have said yes. When he left, Jacob and Leah took over the job of keeping a vigil at my side throughout the rest of my emotional recovery.

_If you just knew then what you know now, maybe your life would be different today. Maybe you would finally be complete._

"Mrs. Isabella?" I looked up at Leah, who held a glass of water and some pills in her hand. I sat up and took them without question, washing them down with water. I looked back at the bedroom door. I sensed the cavalry on the other side.

I was so afraid. I wanted nothing more than to swing the door open and run to Edward; I wanted his arms around me. I could tell he was upset when I called out to Jacob. However, I couldn't help it; I was running on pure instinct. For the last four years, whether Edward and I liked it or not, it was Jacob who had filled in when I needed comfort and support.

"So is everyone still out there?" Leah smiled.

"Yes, Mrs. Isabella, Mr. Edward and his family are all in the living room. Jacob and Mr. Aro are there too."

I slowly got up and made my way to the bathroom door. "I am gonna take a quick shower; can you let them know I'll be right out."

Thirty minutes later, I was showered and changed. Leah was putting away my worn out clothes from this afternoon while I slipped on the dark gray slacks and argyle print top. Even though the city seemed more subdued since the sun had set, I knew that my work had just begun. I rested my hand on the door knob as I gave myself one final pep talk and then slowly opened the door.

I could hear Emmett and Jacob in deep discussion.

"How the fuck does someone get a fucking two hundred pound piece of chiseled granite into a hotel that is being protected like a fucking fortress?" Emmett boomed.

"How the fuck am I supposed to know, Em? Aro told me that security has been airtight since Bella lost her mom. When I took over, I double checked everything personally. Hell, I've even tightened security since Bella was in Rome," Jacob whispered back.

All of sudden I could hear Edward's concerned voice. "What do you mean Rome? When was Bella in Rome? What happened to her in Rome?"

There was a tension-filled silence that suddenly overtook the room. Jacob cleared his throat. "Nothing, Edward, it was just a close call, you know."

"Don't you dare fucking lie to me, Jacob Black. Whether you like it or not I have the right to know! That is my wife in there!" I wanted to bang my head against the door right then. Edward always had such a bad temper, especially with Jacob. Jacob should have known better than to throw his weight around with Edward.

"Okay, Cullen, I've had enough. Put away the elitist attitude before I give you round two of the beatdown, I handed you earlier," Jacob snapped.

"Listen to me, Black, I will gladly tie my hands behind my back and let you take a couple of good shots at me. Just tell me what the fuck is going on with my wife," Edward pleaded.

I heard Jacob take in a couple of slow breaths. "I know you love her, but I really can't talk about this with you. You have no idea how much I want to, but I can't. I'm sorry, Edward."

Jacob's voice sounded sincere, but since I couldn't see his face, I didn't know how it looked to Edward.

"Things have been crazy for a long time. I don't even know where to begin. However, I promise as soon as I figure this shit out I will clue you in."

From the silence, I could only assume that Edward was not happy.

"Come on, Edward, give the guy some time. He just had a huge security breech." Emmett tried to reason with his brother.

"That is exactly why we need to know! If I hadn't gone to check on Bella, if she hadn't decided to leave at that moment to go see Edward...fuck." Jasper's voice cracked. I didn't realize he was even in the room. "Alice was going to check on Bella after I got done talking to her. Even so, I told her that Bella needed some time. Thank God, Bella went to see Edward; Alice could have walked in when they were there!"

"Oh my God," Jacob let out. I heard Carlisle start to soothe Esme quickly. I guess she wasn't aware just how lucky her little girl was. I heard Edward as he tried to ease her fears.

Jasper was right though-if Alice had walked down to see me herself, she could have walked in on whoever had planted the headstone. I wasn't blind to the fact that these were dangerous people. The kind of effort it took to break the system and go undetected in a hotel that had two security teams on high alert, was not something that just happened on a whim. Whoever these people were, they weren't doing this out of sheer boredom. Someone was trying to send me a message; someone wanted me dead. I felt a sharp tug in my chest. Mainly, because in that moment I felt so helpless, I felt so violated and just so scared. I let out a deep breath and opened the door.

Edward quickly turned around as did Jacob. Emmett gave me a wink and grabbed Jasper by the shoulder. They walked over to the bar and sat down. Esme stood and made her way over to me very quickly.

"Bella, sweetheart, did you sleep well?" She took me in her arms and hugged me close. I inhaled the familiar cinnamon scent that reminded me of her homemade apple pie.

"Yes, Esme, I am fine now." I pulled back a little to look at her. "Thank you letting me stay here."

She pulled me close to her again. "Oh Bella, when will you realize that you are just as important to me as my own children! You have no idea how much I wanted to climb into that bed with you and just hold you, sweetheart."

I smiled at her comment, twisted as it was. When I was much younger and was recovering from my skin grafting surgeries in Seattle, Charlie couldn't stay cause it was too far to commute from Forks to Seattle every day. So Esme would stay with me while the gang was at prep school. At night when I would have my nightmares of the bomb blast, I would wake up to Esme, who held me against her as she lay in my hospital bed. It was the only way I felt safe enough to go back to sleep.

I turned and looked at Edward, who didn't move. He just stood still and watched me intently. I could tell he didn't know how to approach me. I could tell he wasn't sure if we were playing the part of the "happy married couple." His eyes were filled with not only concern, but with love. He looked at me without anger or hostility.

Right now, I wanted to yell "Truth be damned! I want my husband back!" I wanted the security of his arms, the soothing essence of his scent. I wanted back the dream, the fairytale. After all the misunderstandings and things that obviously had been kept from me, I was entitled to some payback for the last four years of hell. Right now, I wanted my husband. I wanted Edward.

"Isabella."

_Oh holy fuck. Why does the world hate me? Why does the Italian maggot always pop up at the most inopportune times?_

I kept my eyes on Edward. "Yes, Felix?"

"We have another suite set up for you. This time we will have someone outside the door at all times." I could see Edward's eyes harden a bit. I swore I saw his hands twitch a little.

"Thank you, Felix. I'll have my things sent over." Edward shook his head slightly and looked down.

"No need, I am having my security team pick through everything. We just needed to make sure all the evidence was collected first." I nodded my head in agreement.

"Is there anything else, Felix?" My tone was short and stern.

"I really think it would be wise if Aro and I could talk to you alone." I shook my head and glanced at him. "Sorry Felix, I know I should probably take the time and talk, but right now I can't."

Edward slowly reached out a hand to me, and I quickly took it. As our skin made contact, a tingling sensation flew up my arms and right into my heart. I knew he felt it too. His eyes darkened a bit, and they kept ahold of my sight. I licked my lips and tried to ignore Felix's continuing objections.

I felt Edward's hand squeeze mine tightly. I wanted to pull myself into his arms and just feel him. However, at this point it would have to do. Felix still yammered away and I almost wished someone would duct tape the bastard's mouth shut. I heard Carlisle speak up and ask Felix something, and then I heard Jacob clear his throat.

"I think Bella has been through enough today. I think we should let her be." I wanted to vault over and hug Jacob, but that would mean that I would I have to let go of Edward. Right now that was _soo_ not an option.

"Isabella, Aro is waiting. He needs to talk to you tonight." Felix's tone was straightforward. "Let's go."

Edward tightened his grip on my hand. I understood his desperation. I nodded at him, trying to reason with him with my eyes. I didn't want to talk about everything in front of an audience. I could tell he didn't understand, so I hoped he would accept what I did next.

I let go of his hands, and he suddenly lowered his gaze. I walked to Esme and kissed her cheek, then turned to hug Carlisle. "I'll see you for breakfast, okay?"

"Bella, you don't have to go tonight; if you would rather, you could just stay here," Esme said as she glanced at Edward. I shook my head, "I think I would rather just be in my own room."

I looked around the room and took in everyone's position; Jacob and Felix were at the door, Leah had already turned the corner and walked out, Jasper and Emmett stood stoically by the bar; Carlisle looked very concerned. I walked over to Edward and grabbed both of his hands.

"Edward?"

He looked down at me, and I gave him a soft smile. I cupped his face and pulled him close. I watched his eyes that were suddenly ablaze with fire as I pressed my mouth to his and sucked on his bottom lip. I slowly closed my eyes and let myself get lost in him. He rested a hand at my waist and clutched the fabric of my top, while he pulled me up to him and deepened our kiss. I wanted so much to part my lips and let him devour me, but I knew not all of our audience approve. I reluctantly broke our kiss and Edward rested his forehead against mine, taking deep slow breaths.

"I'm fine," I whispered. I need to figure this all out. Let me go tonight, Edward, all right? Tomorrow I promise. We'll talk."

I heard Felix and Jacob let out a twin groan. I didn't care. All I could focus on was the sudden twinkle in Edward's eyes. He slowly let me go, but not before he whispered, "Sleep well, love."

_**An: Just an FYI. I will be posting on my profile the day I submit my new chapter to be validated. That way you will have an idea of when to expect it. ***Thank you –FunkyD. **_


	9. Deception Unveiled

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa my PTB beta's and Magan Bagan my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Nine**

**Deception Unveiled**

As soon as the suite door shut behind me, both Jacob and Felix turned to look at me. I tried my best to control my nerves, but from the way everyone looked at me, it was hard not to feel on edge. My stomach interrupted my thoughts, and I went to the bar to grab a banana out of the fruit basket.

"Leah, can you order some room service? I'm really hungry." She nodded and retrieved the menu as I continued to stuff my face. I turned back to Jacob and Felix. "So where is Uncle Aro?"

"More room service, Bella? Are you sure that's wise?" Felix asked. I just rolled my eyes and turned to Jacob.

"Again, where's Uncle Aro?" Jacob stood with his hands on his hips. He shot a glance at Felix, who took his phone out and made a call.

"You okay, Bella?" Jacob asked softly. I kept eye contact and nodded. "So you wanna tell me what's going on with Edward?"

I shook my head slowly.

"Come on, Bella, please don't tell me you're gonna be the woman who takes the cheating asshole back?" he pled.

"Stop it, Jacob. Quit calling him names." I pulled my hair up into a bun. "Listen, I don't expect any of you to understand, but there are a lot of things that have come up. I'm not so sure rushing into a divorce is a good idea anymore."

"Here we go. This is just what I was afraid of!" Jacob let out a strong breath. "Don't let him influence you. Bella, sweetheart, he's a liar and a cheat. You know this."

I held a hand out in front of me. "Please Jacob, don't start with me. I really don't need this right now."

It irritated me to no end that Jacob was always on the anti-Edward bandwagon. Even when things were so difficult for me in Italy and New York, Jacob remained firm on his belief that Edward should never be given another chance.

Jacob let out a frustrated sigh and stared at me as he paced back and forth like a wolf trying to figure out whether to run or stay. I sat on the couch and propped my feet up as I finished the rest of the banana. "Let's table any conversations about Edward for now; there are more important things to worry about. Like what the hell is going on?"

"We don't know anything other than it was a crazy lapse in judgment on our part when it came to security. It won't happen again. You're safe, Bells, okay?

I pressed my fingers to my temples. "Would you please stop saying that? I know you mean well, but you don't really know that. Unless you have the guys or whoever is responsible, I'm not safe, and you know it."

Jacob took off his jacket and sat down next to me. He tried to take my hands, but I got up and walked away. "Bella, I am just trying to help."

"I know, Jacob, but right now I don't want anyone touching me, okay?" I muttered.

_The only person I want to touch me right now is Edward._

"So do you want me to call Eddie and see if he's free for a play date?" Felix said audaciously.

"Felix, would you mind shutting up? Are you so dense that I have to remind you who you are talking to?"

"Ouch! That one stung!" Felix mocked a hurt expression. "It really is sad, you know? You have it in yourself to defend your soon to be ex-husband so selflessly, rushing to his aid at the drop of a hat. Has it even occurred to you that maybe he could be the one behind this little stunt?"

He would have to be insane to suggest something like that, but before I could unleash a string of insults his way, Jacob beat me to it.

"Hold up, Felix. You know how lowly I think Edward is, but seriously, come on. Is he spoiled? Yes. Does he have control issues? Yes. Do I think he cheated on Bella? Hell yes! However, even I know that he would never desecrate Renee's grave like that. Because whatever his motivation, the asshole isn't that low. Not to mention how crushed Esme and Carlisle would be."

I had to hand it to Jacob. While I didn't know if I agreed with everything he said, Jacob still spoke out when something didn't fit. Just being able to say what he said, I knew was hard. I was proud that he was man enough to admit it.

There was a knock at the door. When Felix opened it, Uncle Aro walked in, followed by his security team. While they went over security points with Jacob and Felix, Uncle Aro rushed to me.

"Isabella! Lei `e tutto bene? Grazie a Dio siete sicuri!" He leaned forward and pulled me into a hug. I held him close and could smell the bourbon and cigar smoke that lingered on his suit jacket.

"Uncle Aro! Sono bella, per favore non preoccuparsi mi piu. I promise, there really is nothing to worry about anymore." He looked into my eyes, and I saw the concern he felt. I knew that deep inside it killed him when my mother died. If anything happened to me, the guilt would probably finish him off.

He held my chin. "You are so strong."

He slowly sank into the chair nearest to me, and I sat across from him still holding his hand. He thanked Leah as she quickly brought over something for him to drink. Felix sat next to Uncle Aro and Jacob took the seat next to me.

"Someone tell me. How this could have happened?" Uncle Aro asked. Before anyone could answer, Jacob's cell started beeping. As he stood to check the message, we all looked at him expectedly. Uncle Aro cleared his throat breaking the silence. "What is going on, Jacob?"

"The text was just from Sam. Aro, I don't know what to tell you. We are checking all the video feeds from the elevators as well as staff stairwells. From the looks of it, it appears that this has to be an inside job. Someone must have been planted as soon as this place was chosen. Also, we are having all rooms searched into for bugs and video recorders. There will not be a next time, this I promise you both."

"You can't be sure of that, Jacob." I couldn't help myself. "I know you are trying to soothe our fears but don't say that. It just creates a false sense of security. You know I like to hear things as they are."

"I'm saying it cause I mean it. I've already coordinated with Aro's detail, and I've spoken to Sam about adding to our security. We can bring more personnel on board to figure this all out." He quickly sat down again. "I'm sorry Aro, but how the hell have you lived like this? I mean, your whole life, you've been dodging shit like this? Hasn't anyone told these fuckers to just let sleeping dogs lie? I mean, what the hell does Bella have to do with any of this Mafia mess?"

"What makes you think that it has something to do with Aro's past?" Felix asked quickly.

Jacob shrugged. "Well, we have nothing concrete, but there are just so many things to consider when trying to pull off what those bastards did. It was very carefully thought out, took precision to plan, and the gravestone? I dunno it seems like something Aro has mentioned happened in Italy."

I looked at Uncle Aro, who was silent and deep in thought. He pressed his eyes shut but slowly opened them and locked gazes with me before looking at Jacob.

"Jacob, my boy, my life was always hell, even before I found my calling in the family business. Why do you think it took me so long to decide whether or not I wanted children? I have been married three times, and my first two wives both left me because of the life I led. I just wasn't ready for children back then. If it wasn't for my late brother and his wife, as well as my beloved Gianna and her patience, I wouldn't have known the love of being a father or an uncle."

I smiled at my uncle. He was so strict with all the other family members and their children. But despite that, he held a special love for my mother and me.

Uncle Aro's third wife, Gianna, was just a little older than my mother but very young at heart. When I first found out that Gianna was pregnant, Edward and I had just bought a house in Chicago. After a few failed attempts at hiring an interior decorator, we were busy getting ready to fly off to Charlotte, North Carolina to go furniture shopping. It was during that time, that a surprise call from Italy gave us the happy news.

I remember that after that call, Edward tried to talk me into having babies right away. We spent two days discussing the subject on and off. Edward pulled out all the stops and used all his charms on me. Before long, I found myself convinced and happy with the idea of being a mother. So before bed one night, I leaned in slow and kissed him deeply as I whispered, "How about I talk to my OB next week? I'll ask her about taking me off the pill."

Edward was so surprised and thrilled, that he launched himself at me. It was so much easier settling our differences back then. The problems weren't as huge, and we always seemed to make up right away.

_Oh my God! The gravestone, the words written on it!_

"Jacob, what did you tell Edward about the gravestone?" The words spilled out so suddenly, I hardly had time to think.

Jacob ran a frustrated hand through his hair and looked up at Felix. I groaned a little. Whenever that rat bastard was involved in _anything,_ I felt an uneasy knot in my stomach.

"Oh, this can't be good. Please tell me you guys didn't royally fuck this up."

Felix chuckled a little and held up his hands. "Isabella, this is one of those rare times I am not involved in the _fuck up_ department. If anything, i I think you will be glad I was there."

"What does that mean? Just tell me." I picked nervously at my thumbnail.

"Well, when Dr. Cullen and Jacob were trying to calm you down, Esme kept asking what the phases could mean. Your brother-in-law Emmett was very adamant that it was just crazy rhetoric."

"What aren't you telling me F Felix? I don't buy it that they would all have just dropped the subject." Felix unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt and rolled them up to mid-arm.

"Well, Isabella, after your mother-in-law pressed the matter repeatedly, I felt it my duty to help you." Felix shrugged his shoulders a bit. "So, I proceeded to tell them that there might have been an incident in Italy for which someone held you responsible. And that said incident may have sparked a vendetta because there was a death of a child."

I pressed my palms on my hot face. "Oh my God, are you insane? You totally lied to them! Do you actually think saying something like that won't make them want to ask more questions?"

"Well, your husband was busy on the phone and listened very half-heartedly. As for the others, at first the shock of everything had to settle. I have to hand it to your in-laws, Isabella, they do seem to really care about you."

"What do you mean by _seem,_ Felix?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Well, like I said, I wouldn't put it past Edward to do something like this…" He shot a hand into the air when I stood up with my fists clenched. "And yes, I am willing to take back the theory considering that even Jacob here thinks me a little crazy. Nevertheless, if you don't mind, I would still like to do some poking around. Call it my tenacity as a lawyer."

I clicked my jaw and sat down. "You are wasting your time. But fine, Felix, go ahead and do what you need to do. However, when you find out that Edward and his family are clear, then back the fuck off, okay?"

"Agreed. So on to bigger subjects. When did you decide to take your cheating husband back? And did you feel all school girl again when you kissed him? Are you okay with his obvious indiscretions while you were on hiatus from the marriage?" Felix smiled and winked at me.

Uncle Aro choked on his scotch. I rolled my eyes, while Leah and Jacob stood up and roughly patted him on his back.

"What is he talking about, Isabella?" Uncle Aro lashed out.

I sat forward on the sofa and pointed a finger toward the slimy lawyer. "Quit it, Felix! Stop trying to stir the pot. You are such a two-year-old, you know that?"

Felix painted his face with a bewildered look. "What? What did I do? I was just asking you about…"

I shot him down. "Quit being the annoying asshole that you are and shut up. How you haven't pissed off the wrong people yet and gotten your ass assassinated is beyond me!"

"Bells…" Jacob started. I flung my hand out in front of him and gave the _shut up_ look.

"No, no more buts and interruptions. I have a lot of questions. And I need a lot of answers. I had some questions before and everyone ran circles around me. No more of this. Do you all hear me? No more getting me confused and giving me the run around." Felix winked at me and sat on the armchair, taking off his glasses and wiping them before he put them away.

I gestured for Jacob to sit down. He rubbed his hands over his face and complied. "Okay, we'll answer what you want. However, Bells, then you give us some answers as well."

I nodded and took a deep breath.

"So when I left Edward…Well, after I found the woman…" It was so hard to ask the questions I wanted to ask. Everything still seemed so raw inside my soul. "When I left with you to stay with Uncle Aro, did Edward ever try to get a hold of me? I mean, like calling me or you, Jacob?"

Jacob clenched his teeth and hesitated. After a long minute, Jacob nodded. "Yeah, he did."

His admission stung me deep inside my heart. I steadied my voice and tried to remain calm. I had to be strong if I wanted all my questions answered.

"Why didn't I get his messages? Why couldn't he get through to me on my cell phone?"

Jacob looked extremely uncomfortable. He fidgeted as he looked at Uncle Aro, and at times he looked at Leah. I could tell this conversation was one he really didn't want to have. I raised my eyebrows at him when he slowly looked at me.

"When we left for Italy, I changed your number. I kept mine the same just in case you would ever need me." He took a deep breath. "Please, just hear me out. Please."

All I could manage to do was nod. Honestly, I prayed for patience when my blood started to boil. Jacob moved the magazines from the coffee table and sat in front of me.

"I wasn't intending on keeping it changed forever. Just until you had the time you needed. Bella, you were so upset. I had never seen you like that. I was going to change it back when we were leaving for Chicago, but then you fell and it changed everything. You were trying to make a full recovery, and I felt that Edward harassing you would just make things that much harder, you know? I'm sorry. Okay? By the time you got better, we had moved to New York. I just didn't know how to bring it up. There never seemed to be a right time."

I tried to speak as calmly as possible. "So, because you felt it was right that my _husband _should be keptaway from me, you decided to start making decisions for me, without my consent?"

Jacob tried to reach out to me, but I slapped his hands away. "Don't you touch me."

I looked at Uncle Aro, who tapped his finger on the rim of his glass. It didn't escape my notice that he, too, wasn't able to look at me. I crossed my arms around myself. I let out a strangled laugh.

"Never in a million years would I have thought that you both would do this to me." I fought the angry tears. "I mean, all this time, I was resentful and hateful toward Edward not only because of what I thought he did, but because I felt he didn't even want me."

I got up and started pacing in my fury. "Do you have any idea what feelings like that have done to me? Do you realize how much pain you all have caused me?"

Jacob stood up and walked over to me. He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to him. "Do you think that I'm so heartless that I would be blind to your pain? Yes, I knew it hurt you, Bella. Damn it, I also know how much that bastard hurt you. Don't you dare forget I was there and watched you suffer even more because of Edward's actions. When you had that breakdown so many years ago, what triggered your depression huh? I know you're confused right now. But don't you forget for one moment that we both watched those entertainment news reports. Don't delude yourself into thinking that he wasn't really smiling at the camera with all those women on his arm."

He was right. To a point. Still it hurt that Jacob pulled out all the weak moments where I leaned on him. It didn't matter that most of my emotional meltdowns were Edward-induced. Jacob shouldn't have brought up my weaknesses when I was trying so damned hard to be strong. None of it excused the fact that Jacob had kept Edward away when he had tried to reach me.

"All of that has nothing to do with this. Stop deflecting, Jacob. We are talking about you, not Edward," I muttered as I tried to pull away.

He tightened his hold on my arms, but not enough to truly hurt. He leaned in close, and I could see the steel in his eyes.

"I'm not deflecting, Bella. I think you're just grasping at straws. You forget, I have known you my whole life. I know you better than you know yourself sometimes. I know when you are hurt, I know what makes you feel ashamed, and by God, I know that you have never felt like you really deserved Edward. When the truth is, he will never deserve someone like you. You've never ever seen yourself clearly." He suddenly loosened his grip but stayed close to my face. "Goddamn it, Bella, I fucked up, okay? I didn't try and keep you apart to control you or try and make you hurt more. I just felt that he would make it worse for you. Even so, I was just trying to protect you, and you should know by now I will never apologize for that."

The thought that Edward and I maybe could have worked it out overwhelmed me.

"I was heartbroken, Jacob. I didn't need your protection; I needed my husband's comfort." I wiped away a few tears that were sliding down my cheeks, I walked back to the sofa and sat down. "Uncle, what did you do when Edward came to see you?"

"How did you know?" I shot a look at Jacob that spoke volumes.

"I'm talking to my uncle. Do you mind, Jacob?"

"Isabella, you were very sick when he finally came to find you. After the trauma, you suffered in Rome and then when the sleeping pill incident happened well, I felt you were not strong enough to see him. He was very hardheaded; I must give him credit. He was polite and stern. I told him that if you wanted to see him, you would call him. And that maybe the fact that you were making it so hard for him to find you should tell him something." He took a deep breath.

Something didn't seem right, especially the way Uncle Aro sat and swirled his drink. "Is that all you said?"

"Well…I might have made him think that you were _trying to move on_," he said quickly before finishing his drink.

"Wait…you did what?" I shrieked. I stood towering over Uncle Aro. "What possessed you to do something like that?"

"Isabella, please understand. You have to see it from our perspective. We love you. You are my blood. It is my job to look out for you, to demand you be treated with respect. Edward Cullen was a known womanizer before you two ever got together, and from his behavior these last few years, it is obvious he hasn't changed at all."

"He was in college, Uncle! He had consensual relationships with other women of consenting age. That is what unattached men do," I fumed.

"No,o, Isabella! Edward Cullen was a special type of womanizer. He had no heart when he toyed with those women! Regardless, I assumed that knowing how much Esme and the family loved you, that he would be careful! If I didn't think he had changed, even a little, I would have never given you away at the wedding when Charlie refused to come. But Isabella, when you showed up at my villa looking the way you did, it broke my heart. I promised to protect you from every type of pain when you were young. And I should have listened to myself when I felt he was wrong for you."

"Uncle, what you call protection, I call controlling! You had no right!" I gestured between both Jacob and Uncle Aro. "You both never had the right to do what you did!"

I tried to choke down a painful sob.

"Bella, how can you blame us? You might not have said much, but we saw everything you went through. I mean,, for Christ's sake, you're the one who came crying to me, screaming that he cheated on you! Even if you're suddenly questioning it now, I still remember the look on your face when you saw all those news reports. You know the ones I'm talking about. Have you forgotten the blonde? What about the redhead? It made me sick to my stomach seeing him with them. I can't even imagine what kind of pain you must have been going though." Jacob tried to comfort me, but I pulled away.

"Jacob, you're repeating yourself. Don't try and mask your actions by constantly trying to make me remember the pain. Yes, Edward's behavior is questionable. Nevertheless, if I had know th that he was looking for me, then maybe it would have helped me work this out sooner! Maybe I wouldn't have felt…" The fine line of control I held onto snapped. I sobbed uncontrollably. "Maybe we could have worked it out."

Jacob reached out again and tried to hug me. I punched his chest with my fists and made him back off. I shook my head and let myself release the pain, just enough so I could function again.

"Don't you see? I loved him. I still do. I was hurt and wronged. Regardless of what he did, I wanted him to fight for me. I wanted to know he at least wanted to work it out. I waited until I realized I had to go see him for our baby's sake." I broke down again, holding myself around the waist. I backed up against the wall and slid down to the ground. "When I lost the baby, I knew I had lost the chance we had to salvage our relationship. I mean, I didn't know he was trying to find me. If I had, maybe I would have had him come to me. Uncle Aro, I just wanted to feel like I was worth the fight."

I hiccupped in between sobs. I tried my best to speak coherently, but I knew it wasn't working.

"My little Bird." Uncle Aro picked me up by my arms and held me to his chest. "Forgive me. I didn't realize it. Oh God, forgive me. I just tried to do what was right."

I clung to him and cried like a child against him. I cried for my own stupidity for not confronting the situation. I ran away like a spoiled brat when I should have stayed and heard Edward out. I cried for the baby who Edward didn't even know he could have had. I cried for these past four years that had been wasted between Edward and me. I cried because I didn't know if I could fix this insane situation, especially if I had to tell Edward the truth. I cried because I was just so afraid.

Uncle Aro stroked my hair and patted my back with love. I soon felt a cool towel on my neck and realized it was Leah. I looked over my shoulder at her and relaxed when she gave me a confidence inspiring smile.

When I heard a knock at the door, I pulled myself away from Uncle Aro and moved to the sofa. I pressed the fresh towel to my face. The room service trays had been brought in and laid out on the dining table. Leah carried over some soup and crackers for me. Jacob and Felix each quietly took a seat and slowly helped themselves, while Uncle Aro grabbed another drink and sat down in front of me. Leah tried to feed me, but I took the spoon from her and started to drink it myself.

"Leah, please have some dinner before it gets cold." I nudged her with my shoulder. She smiled and went over to sit with the guys. For being as nervous a wreck as I was, I could eat a good amount. Felix came and sat by me as I finished my coffee.

"Listen, I don't think I can put up with any comments from the peanut gallery tonight, okay?"

"Hey, I come in peace." He held up his hands in surrender. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry, all right?"

I gave him a puzzled look.

"I'm sorry, because I know I am an asshole. It's just how I am. I love to stir the pot. But at the same time, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry, and I will do my best not to be such a dick all the time." He held out his hand for me to shake. To be honest, I was a little surprised. However, it was mature of him to come over and be so forthcoming about his attitude.

"I can't say I am okay with what you did, but I can say that I would appreciate it if you weren't an ass all the time." I gently shook his hand. I felt a small chill go up my spine. I wasn't sure where it came from, but I quickly smiled and pulled my hand back.

"So I am assuming you want me to stop the divorce proceedings?"

"I'm not sure what I want right now, Felix. I have made really bad decisions, and I am afraid that this is one of them as well." I finished my coffee and set it down on the table. I bit at my thumbnail again.

"I know I need to talk to him. There are so many things that I have misjudged him on. Maybe it all happened exactly like he said, you know?"

Felix let out a deep sigh. "Isabella, I am not gonna lie to you. I don't like Edward Cullen. I have had way too many encounters with men like him. But, because it is obvious that there are some things that have been overlooked, I am willing to put my bias aside. Now I can track Tanya down, if you would like? I am sure she is someone who can shed some much needed light in this situation. However, this is your decision."

I took a deep breath to think about his offer. Jacob and Uncle Aro came around and sat down by us. Based on their silence, I knew my heartfelt confession had thrown them for a loop. I took a chance that they would be ready to be a part of this conversation.

"I'm thinking of having Felix track down Tanya." I waited for a response, but got none. "And I'm also thinking of talking to Edward about everything."

"What do you mean everything, Bells?" Jacob shot out. "Like about Italy and everything?"

"I have to talk to him and straighten everything out. I am sorry but there are way too many people involved in this situation. If I had just spoken to him...there's I guess, no sense in bringing that up. But I am not gonna lie. I want a future with him." I took a deep breath "If I am going to try and save my marriage, then I have to be honest with him too."

Jacob shook his head and looked toward Uncle Aro, who swirled the ice in his glass.

"Jacob, even you have to admit that all this running around, making assumptions and keeping things from each other has really fucked things up even more."

Uncle Aro reached over and patted him on the back. "We have to do what we should have done a long time ago o son. Isabella is a big girl. We need to support her, even if we disagree."

Jacob clenched his jaw tightly and just stared at Uncle Aro.

It angered me, that even when they knew what they did was wrong, they still wanted me to cut ties with Edward. I pushed my irritation down and tried to continue a civil conversation with them.

"I know you all don't see it my way, especially since Edward and I can't even agree on what I saw. And I know what I saw. However, if there is a chance, _any chance,_ that we can work things out, I have to. No, I _want_ to try."

"And what if after all the _understanding_ you show him, he throws it in your face when you tell him about the baby, Bella?" Jacob slapped me with his words. I flinched a little. He didn't seem fazed but just sat there and stared into my eyes.

"Jacob… I…" My voice cracked.

"What? What will you do? You think me protecting you was _only_ about keeping the swine from you? Do you know what he will do once he finds out? Do you?" His chest heaved from obvious pent-up aggression. "Let me tell you what will happen-you will take him back, you will tell him everything, and then he will turn the tables and hurt you. He will hold it against you, make you crumble until there is nothing left. Keeping random bullshit from him is one thing, but keeping the fact that you were pregnant and miscarried, that would tear him apart. Men like him love control, Bella, whether you are able to open your eyes to that fact or not."

The anger within me reached a violent level. I wanted to throw my coffee cup at him. Instead, I quickly stood and made my way to the bedroom. Before I knew it, Jacob was standing in front of me and blocked my retreat.

"Get out of my way, Jacob." I heard Uncle Aro and Felix groan at the same time.

"What's the matter? Didn't like what I had to say?" Jacob smirked. I had never wanted to slap him so badly in my life. "Listen to me, Bella; I know what I am talking about."

"You have no idea what you are talking about! What makes you an authority on Edward Cullen?" I snapped.

His eyes suddenly lost a spark of anger, but it was replaced with a slight shade of sadness. "I am not an authority on Edward Cullen, but I know how I would react if you had kept something like this from me."

He tilted his head back and rubbed his face. I knew I should have probed deeper into what he said, but in that moment, all I heard was his anger and jealously toward Edward. He hated Edward so much that he wanted me to think the worst of a man who might have done nothing wrong.

_Well, except for the fact that he let a bimbo kiss him and claims that she was never naked in your bed. Damn it, just shut up!_

I couldn't help the thought process. I was angry and I wanted to hurt Jacob. "Well, it's a good thing that my heart belongs to Edward Cullen because God knows _you_ are nothing like _him_."

I stomped past him into my bedroom, but before I shut the door, I called out to Felix. "Find the bitch, and find her fast. I have a marriage to work on."

A/N:

Lei `e tutto bene : Are you all right?

Grazie a Dio siete sicuri: Thank God, you are safe!

Sono bella, per favore non preoccuparsi mi piu: I am fine, please don't worry about me anymore!


	10. Reservation for Explanations

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. **

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Ten**

**Reservation for Explanations**

It had been a crazy twenty-four hours. If anyone had told me my life would take a full one hundred and eighty degree turn this morning, I would have told them to keep dreaming. After I paced the room for hours, by three a.m I had finally walked myself into exhaustion. I crawled into bed and prayed that my dreams wouldn't replay my real life nightmare.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of someone pounding on my bedroom door.

"Bella Cullen, you better get up and open this door before I break it down!" I smiled at the thought of dainty and delicate Alice as she tried to make good on her threat.

_Yeah right. Alice had difficulty opening a can of soda! _

"Five more minutes, Alice, please!" I groaned as I attempted to sit up and failed.

"Bella, march your cute ass to this door and open it!" I could hear the frustration in her voice.

I bit back a swear as I pushed the covers back and trudged my way over. I opened the door and was immediately enveloped in a warm hug.

"Thank God you're all right! Bella, I wanted to come see you last night, but Jasper was a mess. I told him I was fine, and we should be more worried about you. Even so, you know how men are," Alice mumbled as she held me tighter.

I patted her back before pulling away and tried my best to reassure her. "Alice, I'm fine. Really, don't be worried."

Alice tucked a hair behind my ear and gave me a concerned look. "You don't seem fine. You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Hmm well, I guess I would be even better if I was allowed more sleep." I winked at her and covered my mouth as I yawned. Stretching my arms over my head, I made my way back to the bed and climbed in, pulling the covers over my head. "Hey, wanna join me? The bed is big enough for two."

"Bella, come on, you can't go back to sleep! There are way too many things that need to get done today!" Alice whined.

I shook my head in defiance from under the covers, grabbed the duvet and rolled myself in it as I settled down on my stomach.

"No! Stop it, Alice. Nothing can be more important than sleep right now!" She quickly climbed onto the bed and smacked my ass before she straddled my thighs.

"Come on, Bella," Alice begged as she pulled the duvet back. She slowly slipped her hands into my hair and massaged my scalp. "Please? I have so much to do today. I have the photographer and interviewer from _Vanity Fair_ coming over today."

I wriggled my way free of the covers and pulled my hands out from under me and rested my chin on them. "What does this have to do with me getting my ass out of bed, Alice?"

"I thought Jasper told you everything yesterday." I felt Alice stop massaging my hair.

"Yeah he did, so?"

"So? So that means you have to get out of bed right now because I only have so much time on my hands to get everyone coordinated. Thank God, I had time to get Mom and Rosalie's things together before I came. I would have gotten everything done for you too, but well, we know both know that was going to be hard to do." She quickly jumped off of me and ran into my closet.

"Alice, wait," I called after her as I untangled myself from the sheets. "If the interviewer is coming to interview you then why do all of us have to get organized as well?"

"Bella, must you be so difficult?" I heard the frustrated tone in Alice's voice. "It's because they are doing a ted page spread on me and Jasper, but it will also include short bits on the rest of the family."

"Whoa, wait a minute." I sat up. "Does this mean Edward and I are supposed to be a part of this too?"

"Well of course, silly! Think about it." Alice smirked as she pulled out a few dresses and put them on the bed. "There has been so much talk about you two. This way you have your say but nothing too high profile and specific. Just show the photographer a nice sloppy kiss and all those torrid rumors will be put to rest."

_I'm not feeling so well. _

I marched into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I frowned as I looked at my reflection in the mirror.

_Today was supposed to be about me and Edward clearing things up, not all this. How do I get myself into these messes?_

"Alice, I don't think this is a good idea," I called out hesitantly. I heard her drop a couple of things as she marched into the bathroom. I could see the determined look in her eyes.

_Oh no! Now you've done it. Angry Pixie can only be bad, never good._

"Isabella Cullen, are you really this selfish? I mean the whole time you were gone, not one phone call. Not even one. I called you and texted you so many times. Not once did you return my calls. When Edward was breaking apart, and having his meltdown, I refused to take sides. In fact, the whole lot of us did our best to tell him that no matter what, we loved you both and would not take sides. Let's not forget that you didn't even call me when you knew that you were coming back to Chicago. Nevertheless, I took the high road and acted neutral. After all of that, you have the nerve to give me grief over one little request?"

I was shocked at Alice's blow up. Part of me wanted to explain about Jacob, and everything that had gone on with Edward. However, it would only lead to more questions that I knew I couldn't answer without talking with Edward first.

"Alice, listen to me. You have every right to be upset with me. I understand. I packed up and left with no explanation or warning. At the time, I thought I was just walking out on Edward. Now I realize that I hurt you all as well. But, so much has gone on with Edward and I recently, and everything is happening so quickly—I just can't begin to explain what's going on in my head. You have to know that I would never want to let you down—not again. I can't take knowing I've disappointed you, but, honestly, Edward and I still have so much we need to talk about. How are we supposed to fake marital bliss during a photo shoot and interview session when we can't be in the same room for more than five minutes without our hurt feelings and emotions getting in the way?

Alice smiled. "I already took care of that. Really Bella, do, you think this is my first interview? I made sure to add an addendum to the interview contract that all of us would have control over what questions we wanted to answer. Bella, you see the whole focus of the article is on me and Jasper. Nevertheless, they wanted a little slice of something extra. So when they asked if the family would want to participate, I couldn't say no. Please Bella, this would mean the world to me and to _Jasper_." Alice clasped her hands together.

_Damn it, she pulled out the Jasper card! She knows I have a hard time saying no to him._

"I dunno, Alice. I have to talk to Edward first, okay? Don't worry, I'm sure after Edward finds out that this is for you and Jasper, there won't be a problem." Before I could brace myself, I was enveloped by her firm arms.

"Thank you, Bella! You have no idea how much this means to me!" I laughed as she scurried out of the bathroom and back into my closet.

I took a deep, anxious breath. It was going to be a long and interesting day. I would most probably have to spend a lot of time with Edward. Frankly, while I was out of practice at hanging out with my husband, I could not forget that there were some very painful truths I needed to confess to him. But I could not deny that I was secretly elated to have some private time with him.

I loved Edward. I still did. I wanted to do what I should have done so long ago but didn't have the inner strength to do it. There was a small, optimistic side of me that hoped that Edward would understand the decision I made with regard to the last four years. If there was even a small bit of understanding, if we could just find the common ground, I was sure I could have it all back.

The remembrance of my marriage, my life and my dreams were so real. It hurt when I realized how much I missed my life with Edward.

It wasn't that the last four years were spent unaware of my need for my husband, but most of them were dominated with anger, confusion, and emotional breakdowns. For the most part, the anger and pain of Edward's betrayal mixed with the loss of my child and the after effects of that were the only things I did remember. If anyone asked me to tell them how the last four were spent, I could honestly answer that it was in a constant state of a mental fog.

I pressed my hands to my face and tried not to let my thoughts wander. I didn't want to walk down memory lane anymore. There were many moments that were better left unvisited.

Thankfully, Alice decided to pop back into the conversation at just the right moment. "Hey Bella, where is Jacob this morning? Jasper wanted him to meet with our guys so that the security details are all up to date with our itinerary."

My stomach twisted into an uneasy knot at the mention of his name. "Umm…hhe wasn't here when you came in?"

"No, there was security outside the door, but I didn't recognize any of the guys," Alice said as she leafed through the racks of clothes. I leaned back against the vanity table in my bathroom and let out a deep breath.

"We had a fight last night. I suppose we both needed time to cool off," I mumbled.

"Pfft, you and Jacob fight all the time. Still, he would never leave you alone, especially now." I walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed.

"I don't know Alice, it was a bad one. We fought about a lot of things."

"Ah, so in other words the fight was about Edward?" Alice mused.

I smirked at her comment. "That obvious, huh?"

Alice let out a little giggle and sat on the bed next to me. "Well, the only time you and Jacob have ever fought, without making up right away, was when it was about my brother."

"I guess that's true. We've never agreed on anything when it comes to Edward. Even so, I just don't know this time. It was so intense." I kept my tone as steady as possible; the emotion of the night started to rise within me. Alice leaned in close and gave me a hug.

"Do you want to talk about it? Can I help? If you want to talk about it, you know I'm here, right?" I slowly nodded.

"Alice…" I sighed. As much as I wanted, no needed, Alice, it wouldn't help to involve her. I promised Jasper that I would make everything easy for her. I truly wanted her to be happy. "It's just after all this time-I hate fighting with him. You know me-always worried for no reason."

She gave me a quick squeeze before she hopped off the bed. "Oh Bella, you fight with Jacob all the time. I am sure you guys will make up by the time we go down to brunch."

"I hope you're right, Alice. I hope you're right."

"Well, there's a pretty girl I haven't seen in ages!" I heard a familiar voice behind me as Alice and I, left the suite. I couldn't help but smile as I turned and launched myself into his arms.

"Sam Uley! What are you doing here?" I gave him a hard hug and let him go. Sam chuckled a little and stepped back to look me over.

"Jacob called and said we needed to get Charlie covered, then I was to to fly up here. So here I am!"

The mere mention of Jacob's name made me feel tense. I managed to smile as I spoke to Sam, "So, where is Jacob anyway?"

"Right here, Bells." I heard his voice from behind me, but I didn't bother to turn around. Sam and Alice exchanged a glance before they excused themselves.

"We'll see you both downstairs for brunch, okay?" Alice chirped before being escorted to the elevator by Sam.

We stood there, enveloped by uncomfortable silence. I kept my eyes on the floor in front of me as I turned and started walking slowly toward the elevator. I heard Jacob sigh a few times before I felt him follow me.

"So how long are you going to ignore me?" Jacob asked in an agitated tone. I took a deep breath and turned.

"I'm not ignoring you, Jacob. I'm just mad at you." He furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to say something but didn't follow through. I rolled my eyes and asked, "What? Just say it."

"Bells, baby, I fucked up. After hearing everything you said last night...Bella, I'm really sorry." He reached out and grabbed my wrist to pull me toward him. I jerked my hand out of his grip and crossed my arms in front of me. Shaking my head, I turned my gaze to stare at the floor. Mirroring my pose, he leaned back against the wall, but I could feel his eyes on me the entire time.

The voices of reason and doubt conflicted inside of my head. Nothing he did made sense. I was hurt and upset. There was no reason why I shouldn't tell him he was fired and to go to hell. He lied to me and manipulated me. I couldn't shake the feeling that if he hadn't done what he did maybe things would be different. Another quieter part of me asked the even more difficult question, which was if he could do this, what else was Jacob capable of?

_The "what ifs" are going to consume you._

Inhaling deeply, I took a step forward, reaching out and grasping the lapels of his jacket. I rested my head against his chest and felt his arms come up slowly to embrace me. We both let out a collective sigh of relief as he rubbed circles on my back.

I couldn't help it-no matter how mad I was at him, Jacob Black always had a place in my life. I pushed him back after a second and looked up at him. His eyes were wet and shiny, and I saw all the emotions he felt.

"You're my best friend, Jacob. You know that, right?" He nodded "What you did-I just can't even begin to understand. I would never in a hundred years even imagine you could ever do something like that."

I saw a flash of emotion fly across Jacob's face. He just stood there and after a few silent moments, Jacob chose to tell me in his actions as opposed to his words, what he felt. He pulled me close to him again. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my cheek against him.

"Jacob, I love you. You know how important you are to me. I could never have gotten through everything if it wasn't for you. But I can't help but wonder if I hadn't come back, if I hadn't asked certain questions, would you have ever told me the truth? I know you meant well, but Jacob, at some point you had to have known what you were doing was wrong."

He held me in a comforting embrace. "Bells, I have no answer right now that will make any kind of sense. I was wrong and that is all that I can say. I really hope we can get past this, because Bella, I can't live without you being a part of my life. I just can't."

The inner part of me wasn't satiated with the cryptic comments Jacob had given me. However, I was already so exhausted, and I knew that I needed all the support I could get in case things with Edward didn't go the way I wanted. So I hid my emotions, and I nodded against him. "It's the same with me, Jacob. It's the same with me."

When we arrived at the private room where Carlisle and Esme held a brunch for all of the out of town guests who had attended the gala the night before, I could sense the air was filled with tension. There were several security personnel as well as some of the Cullen family's associates. I ignored the stares and nodded hello to some familiar faces as I searched for Edward. When I found him, standing in the far corner of the room in deep conversation with Jasper, I felt a slight flutter in my heart. They both held tense stances and were huddled closely together as they spoke in hushed voices.

Even under stress, my husband was magnificent to watch. Edward's face held a serious expression and he shook his head at something Jasper said. I wanted to rush over to him and smooth out the wrinkles that gathered at his brow, kissing his worries away. I still couldn't believe the crazy amount of bad luck surrounding my life.

_No, that's a lie. You just cry when you think of the happy times._

I remembered our wedding day, and my vows to give my love to just one man. I remembered as I spoke with my eyes firmly planted on Edward. I remembered his face, his smile, and the gleam in his eyes as he listened to me make my promise to give myself to him forever. I remembered how he mouthed, _I love you_, after I finished and almost leaned in to kiss me. He was stopped by the pastor who chuckled wholeheartedly and said, "We're not at that part yet, son."

Jacob slipped a hand on the small of my back and ushered me forward as I took a deep breath. I was still upset from last night's confrontation with Uncle Aro and Jacob. I couldn't believe that everyone to whom I had turned in desperation would make my life into one full of lies. They were my home, and now I didn't know if the foundation we had worked so hard to build would ever be strong again. Even if we were to come back together like we had before, I knew it would never be the same.

The knowledge that Edward had tried to fight for me made me feel elated and fearful all at the same time. On one hand I felt validation that he _did_ think I was worth the effort to fight for. It pleased me that I was good enough for him. On the other hand, it made me look at my own reckless actions and the turmoil it was sure to cause Edward, even if he didn't know it yet.

Inside the nervous knots that had grown screamed the one question that Jacob had so passionately asked. _Would Edward forgive me for hiding my pregnancy from him? Or would it be the catalyst for the demise of our marriage?_

I just hoped when I finally sat down and told him the truth that he would see my intention was to come home, but the loss of the baby changed everything. I prayed he would be the better man that he had been all this time, and that he would forgive me for my part in his unintentional pain.

I bit my lower lip as I thought of the best way to bring up the subject. No matter what scenario I came up with, it always ended with Edward so upset that he just walked away from me.

_Fuck my life. This was going to be so much harder than I thought._

Jacob led me to Esme, Rosalie, and Alice, who were busy chatting at the table.

"Bella. Finally! I was about to come and get you. " Alice jumped up and ran over to me. She took my hands and pulled me next to her. "I've got her from here, Jacob. Bella needs some girl time."

Jacob winked at Alice and gave me a nod before walking over to Sam. I walked with Alice over to Esme and Rosalie. I gave each a kiss before I settled in my chair. Esme passed me a cup of coffee while Rose handed me a basket with croissants.

I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I took a bite of the warm pastry. Esme reached over and patted my hand when I let out a low moan of delight. "Sleep well, Bella?"

_Well, let's see, besides the fact that I found my mother's gravestone in my hotel suite and found out my husband isn't a cold-hearted bastard like I thought, everything is just peachy._

"It was as good as it could be, but just a long night, as you know." I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess with everything that's been going on, I managed the best I could."

"I was worried about you last night. I really wished Edward had gone with you, but he explained that Aro needed you as well." Esme did her best to mask the disappointed tone in her voice, but it wasn't hard to deduce what really bothered her. Esme was worried about the distance that Edward and I still kept.

I wanted to reassure her, but honestly, I couldn't. It wasn't that I didn't want to soothe her fears. It was mainly because I didn't know what the future held for either of us.

"How are things with Aro? How is he handling everything?" I took a long sip of my coffee and savored the taste. I didn't want to think about Uncle Aro right now. I knew that even though Jacob started the deception, Uncle Aro had done far more damage. He was my family. I just needed to talk to Edward to see how far the damage went.

"Uncle Aro was also pretty shaken last night, but we were able to calm each other down."

I finished my first cup of coffee and poured another as I glanced over at Edward, who was still in a heated discussion with Jasper. I watched Carlisle, who walked over and put a hand on Edward's shoulder. He turned to look at Carlisle but quickly back to Jasper and shook his head. I couldn't help but be curious about what was causing them such frustration. If I wanted to guess, I would say it had to do with the break-in to my suite.

I spun back and noticed Alice and Rose whispering to one another. As soon as they noticed that I was listening, Alice gave me a quick smile and leaned back so I could listen to their ideas for the photo shoot later on in the afternoon.

It was so nice to finally spend time with them. I didn't realize how much I missed our conversations until we laughed non-stop at Alice's fear of not being photographed in proper lighting.

"Laugh at me all you want! Evil bitches, I'm so serious. This is something to be worried about. This will be the first time Jasper and I will be taking formal pictures together. What if it's a complete disaster?"

"Impossible, Alice, you would look hot photographed under fluorescent light on the third day of your period." Rose giggled.

"I agree with Rose. Alice, if you wore a potato sack it would become baggy chic by five p.m. that same day." I laughed as Esme gave me a wink before she got up to shake hands with one of Carlisle's associates.

"Well, I can't wait for us to start! It's all just so exciting! You know I used to think that you and Edward were crazy to turn down all those interview requests. I still remember how many designers wanted to lend their newest collections for the photo shoots you and Edward did. Thankfully, some really amazing ones have decided to lend some for us to use. Wait. Oh my goodness, do you think if I like them that they'll let me buy them?" Alice covered her mouth with a hopeful expression.

I shuddered at the thought of the whole process. "The idea of changing clothes over and over and over is horrible enough without thinking about the constant picture taking and then the interview questions. I just don't have it in me."

Rose finished her juice and waved the server over for more. "Speaking of interview questions, are you and Edward prepared for the questions they're going to ask today?"

"I don't know what they're asking us yet; I only just found out about everything this morning." I watched as Alice got up and ran to hug Jasper, who was walking toward the table alone. I glanced around and saw Edward at the buffet with Carlisle, still in deep discussion. Emmett and Esme had made their way back over.

"Morning Bella" Jasper leaned in close and kissed my cheek. "How are you doing today?"

I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. "As well as can be expected, I guess; I hope you're doing better?"

He smiled as he leaned in close and kissed Alice deeply. "I'm doing much better."

"Well, I am going to get some breakfast. I'll be right back." I moved my chair back and turned to leave when I came face to face with Edward.

His dreamy green eyes captured my attention right away; I couldn't help but smile. He reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"Morning, love, sleep well?" I blushed as he leaned in to kiss my cheek. As he slipped a hand around my waist for a hug, he pulled me close and whispered, "Are you doing okay?"

"I'm great, Edward," I managed to whisper back before I turned toward the buffet tables. He quickly caught my arm.

"Bella, I hope it's okay that I got you something. I thought you might be hungry."

I turned to see a plate that seemed to have a mountain of food on top of it. My eyes widened a bit, and then I looked up and met his smile.

_The sick little fucker! He wants to watch me eat!_

"Well, I am kinda hungry, thanks." I took a strawberry from the top and took a huge bite off the end. I watched as Edward's smirk was replaced with a dark hooded gaze. He pulled the chair out for me to sit.

"So, what heated discussion were you having with Jasper and Carlisle earlier?" I grabbed a fork and started poking the pineapple.

"It was nothing, just business. Want some juice?" he said in a rush as he held a glass out for me to take.

I swallowed quickly and shook my head. "No, and please don't change the subject. I know you well enough to know that kind of emotion wasn't as a result of business."

"Are you sure? I mean a lot could have changed these last four years, Bella." His quip and stoic tone caught me off guard. I continued to focus on the fruit in front of me and tried not to read into his remark.

"You're right, Edward, forget I asked." I looked up at his face and gave him a small smile but knew it didn't reach my eyes.

Edward watched me for a moment before he ran a hand through his hair and looked away. When he finally looked back at me, he had stripped away his defenses and gave me a look that spoke volumes.

_Something had happened. Something really BIG had happened. _

My mind was suddenly flooded with the worst remove images possible. Most were of Charlie dead.

"Oh God Edward, it's Charlie, isn't it?" I shot up out of my chair so fast, it gave Alice and Esme a fright. Edward reached up and quickly grabbed my shoulders. He shook his head and pulled me to him.

"No! Dear God, Bella, no, Charlie is fine." He urged me to sit again. "Bella, I don't know how to tell you this but _The Morning Post_…well apparently they got a hold of an inside source at the hotel and police department."

I looked at him in confusion for a moment before the thought dawned on me.

_Oh no. The media knows about the break in into the suite._

I looked around the table and realized everyone knew. Suddenly, everyone excused themselves from the table and left us both alone to talk.

"Bella, they got some pictures of the suite. I don't know how. Nevertheless, it is obvious the pictures were pulled off of the Chicago PD computers. Someone on the inside got the pictures sent out. We are looking into who could have done it. However, at this point there is no one suspect."

I put my face in my hands and just sat there with Edward as he stroked my hair and neck softly. Even in my panic-stricked state, a slow heat was awoken along the path that his magic fingers took.

"That's not all, Bella." My head shot out of my hands and I looked at him. He hesitated just for a second. "Love, apparently some staffer or gala attendants must have caught some of what was going between us that night..._The Post_ has some quotes from some people that we were fighting."

I quickly swallowed hard. "How bad is it, Edward?"

"It's nothing we haven't endured the last few years but expect there to be a lot more hounding." He ushered one of the servers over and asked them to grab a copy of _The Post_ for him. "Bella, expect there to be some questions today from Alice's interviewer."

"This can't be happening, Edward! I can't do it." I shook my head in disbelief. I hadn't even had a chance to properly talk to Edward, then this damn photo shoot popped up, and now I had to go back under the media microscope. It was official; I was in HELL.

The server came back with the paper. Edward handed him a tip and sat back down as he put the paper in front of me while he slipped his arm around my waist.

The headlines said it all.

_**Isaward Trouble in Paradise! **_

_While Chicago's elite had gathered for a night of fun auctioning to raise money for Tender Heart Children's Hospital, they were definitely given their money's worth in drama that is sure to keep everyone's interest piqued for the next year's event! The city's most watched darlings were reunited during the charity auction event where a persistent unidentified gentleman was outbidding everyone for a chance at a dance with Isabella Cullen. At the last moment, Edward Cullen arrived to bid a staggering one hundred thousand dollars for a dance with his wife. It was obvious that there was tension between the two gentlemen. _

_One gala attendee gave us the inside scoop. "It was so heated for a moment! I mean Bella had to have known who he was! There is no way that some stranger would have even had it in him to bid on her if she didn't want him too. I think it was to embarrass Edward!" _

_Another source also adds, "I was trying to check my voicemail and all of sudden I heard Edward Cullen yelling from the back balcony. He was furious with his wife. Moments later, his brother and some other men rushed to the balcony. I don't know what was happening but from the looks of it Edward Cullen has an anger management issue. His wife is probably leaving him because he is abusing her." _

_Whatever the case may be, it did not escape anyone's notice that the two did not arrive together and were separate most of the night. _

_The dramatics for the young couple did not end there. It was reported that Chicago PD was called to the Blackstone late yesterday afternoon after there was a break-in at Isabella Cullen's suite. Apparently, it was an act of vandalism and from the pictures of the damage we can see that there was a gravestone placed in her room after it was trashed. Our sources tell us that it was the headstone belonging to her mother, Renee Swan's grave. The morbid act is obviously meant to send Isabella Cullen a message. While there are no specifics on who is behind this, it is rumored that Isabella Cullen's family ties to the Volturi family are at the reason of it. If you recall, Isabella Cullen lost her mother to a violent car bomb that almost claimed her own life. There are recent rumors the Isabella might be bringing the family together to avenge her mother's death. While this modern day Godfather saga continues to unfold, we will be sure to keep you POSTED. _

"I think I'm going to throw up." Edward took the paper from my hands as he pulled me into his arms and held me tight.

"Bella, I know. We'll work through this. I think we can combat it with Alice's interview spread." I pulled back and shook my head.

"Listen to me, love, please. We won't answer anything we don't want to. If we come up with a few really good lines for some of the hard questions, then we'll be able to get them off our backs a bit."

"I have so much I need to talk to you about. We'll never sort this all out before this afternoon, Edward, I can't fake a picture-perfect marriage. I just know I'll screw this up!"

"Bella, this is no different from all the times we did those interviews before we got married, remember? Keeping everything hidden and secret? We can do this. I know we can." I felt myself relax at his calm demeanor. "Plus, we are not the main focus, Alice and Jasper are."

I pulled back and looked into his eyes. Edward had an amazing ability to give me focus and drive when I needed it most. He was always my greatest supporter. He had w hadalked me through every one of my interviews and photo shoots for our wedding event.

Edward gazed into my eyes. "Bella, if you really can't do this, I am not going to push you. If you want, we can tell Alice we are pulling out."

As much as I wanted to use this as an excuse to just go ahead and bail, I couldn't do it to Alice. She was much too important to me to hurt her that way.

"No, Edward we can't let Alice down." He nodded giving me a half smile. "But afterwards, Edward, can we find some time alone to talk? I mean _really_ talk?"

"Of course, Bella." He nodded. He looked at me for a long minute and then asked, "Can I ask what has brought on this sudden urge to talk it all out?"

I looked down at the napkin in front of me and picked at the threads on the end of it. "I kind of had a long and honest conversation with Jacob and Uncle Aro yesterday. I guess a lot of things that I didn't know before were finally explained to me."

I heard him take deep breaths. "Edward, they confessed a lot of things…. Things I didn't know before… It made me realize how stupid I was being."

I looked up at him and watched his expressive eyes suddenly go dark and brooding. He clenched his jaw tight and pressed his lips into a fine thin line. I searched his face for a hint of the softness that had suddenly left.

"Edward?" Without thinking, I reached out to his face when he quickly grabbed my hand. He kissed my fingers fiercely and held on to them tightly.

"Forgive me, Bella, I'm sorry." His eyes slowly softened. "You have to understand when I hear that you are finally ready to talk to me because of something you heard from _them_-when this was something I begged you for all along…well, it's a little hard to handle."

"I'm sorry, Edward. You're right." I pulled my hand from his grasp and reached for his face. I pulled his face to mine so that our foreheads were touching. "I need you to know that if I could go back and change these last four years, I would. Edward, there is nothing I regret more than not staying and figuring this all out right away."

_Well, almost nothing more._

I could feel Edwards's breath on my face as we stayed in our embrace, quiet and contemplative.

"Bella, listen." I pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. "It's not your fault. I know the part I played, but one thing I am sure of is that we'll definitely get past this. I just want us to talk openly and honestly. Ask me whatever you want, and I will answer truthfully. I swear."

"I hope we can get past this, Edward. I'm so afraid that we've run out of chances, you know?" I confessed.

"Never, love, I would never let that happen," he whispered back confidently.

I settled back in his embrace and let out a deep breath. I knew it was in Edward's nature to be optimistic; it was deeply embedded in his soul. Even so, I knew that until Edward knew the whole truth, I could never let myself truly believe that we would be able to go back to the way things were.


	11. Painful Poses and Pestering Posers Pt1

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. **

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Eleven**

**Painful Poses and Pestering Posers**

When I realized that I would have to spend the entire afternoon with makeup artists and photographers as they primped and posed me, I suddenly had the urge to hurl. The idea of having to stand there with a roomful of people caused my anxiety to spike. The only thing that kept me somewhat stable was the thought that I would get to spend most of it with Edward. Even so, I was determined that this would be the day that I would get my answers and hopefully Edward would get his. I lifted a hand to my stomach and tried to push away the jittery feelings that slowly rose within me. I knew it was important for me hold it together, if I didn't, I would waste a perfect opportunity for Edward and me to get the media to back down.

My mind wandered back to when Edward and I had first started dating. Every moment was so magical. The only moments that marred my happy memories were those when we were hounded by the paparazzi.

_Focus, damn you! You need to pull it together. _

I scolded myself and shook my hands to fling off the jitters. It didn't help, so I closed my eyes and decided to do what I always did when my nerves got the best of me. Even though I knew I stood in a room filled with at least three different teams of hair dressers, stylists, and makeup artists, I kept my eyes closed and willed them away.

I filled my mind with everything that had to do with Edward-memories of how he would stand with me and help me through the harrowing process of dress changes and makeup touch-ups. I pressed myself to remember all the times he smiled or winked when I looked to him and pleaded silently with my eyes, alerting him to the ache I felt. I held onto those memories for comfort, so when the stylists ushered me toward the changing area, I didn't resist their efforts.

When I slipped into the soft satin couture dress, I saw Edward's tall and magnificent form conjure itself behind my hooded eyes. I bit my lower lip as I felt his gentle fingers ghost over my shoulders as I pulled up the thin navy straps of the dress. I heard his voice in my ears as he whispered sweet words to me about how beautiful I looked. As I bent forward for the necklace to be slipped on, my body erupted in goose bumps as I felt the light presses of his lips on my neck. I was so lost in my euphoric state that I didn't hear my name being called. It took a forceful shake from Alice to bring me out of my haze.

"Belllllla? Where did you go?" I averted my eyes from her and hoped that she couldn't tell what I was thinking. However, the all-knowing pixie gave me a sly smile. "Ah, remembering those crazy photo shoots that you did with Edward? I'm still amazed at how calm and in love you looked for your pictures. I adore the glow he put on your face. My brother, Edward Cullen, the Bella Whisperer."

I let out a short laugh and didn't bother to deny it. Alice slipped her hand in mine and pulled me to stay in step with her. She looked over her shoulder and whispered, "Come on now, Rose is already done. We should hurry so we can get comfortable. We have a long afternoon ahead of us."

Alice and I walked past groups of people and makeshift stations filled with accessories. Everything screamed high fashion and they were so tempting that I had to remind Alice, who stopped to take a look at things, that we were running late for the photographer.

When we stepped out of the room, I was taken aback at the mini-transformation the ballroom had undergone. It was hard to place the theme of the photo session, but it was obvious that from the curtains to the sofa sets, everything was very strategically placed.

"Oh my goodness, B, Bella, isn't this amazing?" Alice gave me a huge hug. "I am so happy you are here to share this with me. If this is how lavish things are for a simple photo shoot, just imagine how amazing the wedding shoot is going to be."

Alice beamed and I couldn't help but let her joy rub off on me. I owed her this so I smiled and let her happiness draw me in.

Alice stopped to speak with a stylist and I looked around for Edward, but couldn't find him among the many people who were walking around.

Alice tapped me on my shoulder and pointed to where Rose sat. I nodded and followed Alice as she maneuvered her way through crowd. Before we took a seat, I shot a look over my shoulder and gave the room one last glance. Sadly, there was still no Edward.

"Bella, are you even listening to me?" I looked back over and realized Alice had asked me something. "This is the second time your mind wandered while I've been talking to you. A Are you okay?"

"Sorry Alice, I am still trying to take everything in. What were you saying?"

Alice gave me a one-armed hug and giggled. "I was saying that The Blackstone was gracious enough to accommodate the magazine with this smaller ballroom. They also gave us two large his and hers suites in which to get ready. Ours was back there, but Jasper's and the rest of the guys makeup rooms are somewhere ahead of us on the other side of the hall."

I watched as Alice nodded to a set of doors past the ground level balcony.

"Bella, you look amazing, babe." Rosalie winked as a makeup artist finished reapplying her lipstick. "That particular color of navy blue has always highlighted your features."

"Thanks, Rosalie." I glanced down and smoothed out the edges of my dress. "I still think it's pointless; no matter what I wear, I will always be nervous. So, the pictures are going to be a mess anyways."

"Ah my dear, that is why God invented photo touch-up, didn't you know that?" Esme interjected as she slipped down next to me.

"It's PhotoShop," Rosalie and Alice said in unison.

I returned Esme's hug and laughed. "You can't touch-up utterly hopeless and awkward, Esme."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the real antidote to Bella's problem is Edward." Rosalie smirked.

I rolled my eyes and palmed my heated cheeks. "Please Rose, stop embarrassing me."

"Seriously, Bella, Rosalie has a point. Remember right before your wedding? The wedding magazine photo shoot? You were glowing. I still remember how many people mistook your radiance for that of a mother-to-be."

My smile fell a little at Alice's words. I closed my eyes and tried to regain my composure.

"You know what? You're right, Alice. I remember thinking that myself," Esme said as she scooted closer to me. "You were radiant in those pictures, Bella. Don't let your nerves get to you. Just think of Edward."

Thankfully, the photographer's assistant came over and let us know it was time to start.

Sergio, the art director, was a tall, anorexic-looking fellow, who seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face. I was tempted to ask Alice what his problem was, but Alice leaned in close and whispered, "Botox accident."

That little bit of news calmed my nerves but only for a moment, because after a few minutes I realized there was no way that Botox could be blamed for the way he stared at me throughout his speech. Even when Sergio was done with his presentation about the different styles and themes that he wanted to capture, he felt it necessary to take me aside and repeat himself.

"Now Mrs. Cullen, it is very important that you understand this. When I give you a direction, I need you to follow it. Don't think, just do. Remember, don't try and think outside of the box; that is my job."

I tried not to make anything of it, but when his stare got to be too much to handle, I went back to my happy place. I let my mind wander with thoughts of Edward.

Everything was going fine until I realized that at some point, there were going to be intimate poses. We wouldn't necessarily have to grope each other or do a full-on make out session, but nevertheless, they would be suggestive. Luckily, most of the pictures would be of Alice and Jasper. What worried me most was that there would ones of Edward and me hugging, touching and sharing intimate stares. We would have to present a picture of harmony and perfection.

I took a deep breath and again tried to push away all of the jitters. Even though I knew our poses and positions were just an illusion of what we once were, it would feel nice to be able to live in the moment and play make-believe.

A few weeks earlier when Alice had met with an old friend, who happened to have some pull at _Vanity Fair_, Alice mentioned what her own ideas were for the shoot. Since we all knew how convincing she could be, Alice pretty much was able to get her way.

Alice picked the 1950's style. She swore it was because the idea was original and would allow us to show our personalities through the pictures. Rose and I knew better. We were both fully aware that the fashion-addicted pixie wanted to get her hands on the vintage couture that would be available to wear.

Esme excused herself and went to find Carlisle. When she left, Sergio started to bark out his orders. I was able to do as directed for most of the pictures that were taken. We all took our places around the set and managed to look like we knew what we were doing. Rosalie, in a tight, rust-colored dress, sat with a compact in her hand, posing like she was getting ready to apply lipstick, Alice, with a thin-strapped black cocktail dress, was spreading out magazines on the coffee table, while I stood off to the side, in a navy blue satin dinner dress, taking a sip of my martini.

_I know! The thought of me, posing with a martini in hand, how fitting!_

Even though I had to be constantly posed and adjusted, I managed to get through a big round of shots. However, when SSergio, aka the art director from hell, started getting testy with me for not being as graceful a model as Alice and Rose were, it popped the cork on a bottle already filled with deep-rooted insecurity. I didn't know how I was going to react, so I quickly excused myself from the set. I kept my head held high and walked past those who whispered and stared. I rubbed circles at my temples in order to soothe the tension, as I paced back and forth outside the ballroom in the hall. I was painfully aware that I was not alone.

Thanks to Jacob and Edward, I was followed by two armed security personnel at all times. They remained at a respectful distance, but the mere knowledge that they were around and watching my every move made me keep my shield up.

It was this kind of lifestyle that was the hardest for me to understand when I accepted Edward's marriage proposal. We were followed around and had our picture taken when we dated in college. However, it was never expected that what Edward and I shared was going to last. Of all the women Edward had ever dated and been photographed with, I was the one who made the smallest dent in the gossip magazines. I was the Plain Jane, a simpleton. At the time, I didn't pay much attention to the way I dressed. I was sure that after we were married the media attention would soon slow down. It wasn't until my family's far away connection to the Mob made front page news that the paparazzi went crazy. Morning, noon and night, we were followed. At one point, our garbage had to be snuck out of our house because the media leeches tried to go through it.

I almost had a breakdown because I wasn't prepared for everyone to be so cruel. Anyone and everyone I came across always ended up snooping around for information. Suddenly, anyone who felt they had a bone to pick with me tried to sell fabricated stories about how horrible I was. I just didn't understand it. Even though Edward did the best he could to help me as I got publicly hazed, deep down inside I knew it was something I had to do on my own.

"Bells?" I turned to see Jacob come over with a concerned look.

I tried to flash him a smile that screamed confidence. "Hey, Jacob."

He slipped his hands into his pockets and leaned against the wall across from me. "Still feel like a fish out of water?"

I nodded and kept my gaze firmly planted on the floor in front of me. He kicked my heels with his shoes, not hard but enough to knock me off balance. "Look at me."

I rolled my eyes and looked up. "What?"

"You are so, Bells. You know that?"

"What does that mean, Jacob?" I crossed my arms across my chest.

"It means that for someone as perceptive about people and their feelings as you are, you really suck at focusing some of that on yourself. You're stunning, Bella. Just relax and let the light shine through."

I gave him a small laugh. "Jacob, you're crazy you know that? I have no light. I never have."

Jacob's eyes turned serious all of the sudden, as he fixed them on me. He didn't move closer but the gravity of his gaze had begun to enclose the whole world around us, leaving just the two of us inside it. When I couldn't take it anymore, I shifted ready to walk back to the photo shoot.

"Bella…I…" He trailed off. Jacob quickly straightened and took his hands out of his pockets. Suddenly, he took a step forward, shook his head and then muttered, "Come with me."

He reached out, grabbed me by my arm and proceeded to drag me back into the ballroom. I almost tripped over my feet, but his firm grip on my arm helped me to stay upright. He pulled me rapidly through the throngs of makeup artists and stylists. I could see Jasper and Emmett in the background somewhere and as we passed the confused faces of Alice and Rose, I limited myself to just a shrug of my shoulders. I wanted to tell him to stop, but I wasn't sure how he would react. When we stopped outside a door at the other end of the suite and he started to knock, I took this as my opportunity to ask him what was going on.

"Jacob, can you tell me what you are doing?" He just looked at me with his guard completely down.

I saw it all in his eyes: hurt, sadness, and a lot of pain. He gave me a half-smile when the door quickly opened in front of us. My sense of smell was suddenly flooded with a deep spice scent. Taking a step back to steady myself, I focused on the ground until my eyes landed on the tips of a pair of Gucci loafer. As I traced the sleek silvery grey slacks that accompanied them, I could see the tense masculine thigh muscles outlined. I continued to look up and followed the white dress shirt under a loosened black tie and found a very concerned Edward, who glanced back and forth between Jacob and me.

My mouth was suddenly parched, and I felt like I had just woken from a slumber I didn't know I was in. Edward looked so amazing that all I wanted to do was eat him up right there.

_Hold on_,,_, Bella, at least wait until you get him alone first._

"Bella needs you. You know how these shoots get to her." Jacob turned to look down at me.

I tore my eyes from Edward's and looked at Jacob, who watched me so intently that there wasn't a doubt in my mind that he knew exactly what I thought in that moment. I could feel the warmth of my embarrassment rise within me. I knew that if I were naked, I would be red from head to toe.

"Jacob, what do you mean?" Edward reached out and pulled me toward h him. "Bella, what's the matter, love?"

I didn't resist as Edward drew me close. To be honest, if he hadn't initiated contact soon, I wouldn't have been responsible for my actions. Edward rested a tentative hand on my hip as I brushed up against his chest. I could feel his hardened chest against me and I was ready to melt.

"She was having issues with one of her shoots. The guy over there is is an asshole. I thought she might do better with some support from you. You know… to help bring out her light."

I turned to look at Jacob and I immediately met his eyes. They were still filled with sadness. However, before I could say anything, he gave Edward a quick nod and walked away. I felt Edward brush the back of his fingers against my cheek.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine, E Edward, you know how it is. I just feel jittery, that's all." I wanted to hide my concern for Jacob from Edward, but when I looked up at him, I knew he could sense what was bothering m me. He gave my waist a little squeeze and pulled me into the room with him. It was a dressing room similar to mine, Alice and Rose's. He had a few different outfits all lined up. I sat on the couch, and he sat on a chair directly in front of me holding my hands. I could feel his intense stare on me as I fidgeted with my bracelet.

"You look amazing, Bella."

I felt my cheeks warm as I glanced up at him from under my lashes. I met his darkened and enigmatic eyes and just wanted to lose myself in them.

This was the first time we'd been alone together since yesterday. I couldn't explain it but as I sat there decked out in designer duds alone with Edward, looking at me the same way I looked at him, I was strongly affected.

I reluctantly pulled my gaze from his and focused on my shoes as I tried to calm my racing heart.

_Get a hold of yourself, Bella! This is not different than any other time! Wait until you talk it all out-then, you can jump him._

Edward leaned in close and I didn't move back but I kept my gaze lowered. He rubbed soothing circles across my hand, and when he exhaled I could feel his breath fan across my face.

"Bella, do you wanna skip this?" He asked hesitantly. "We can walk out of here no questions asked. Jasper will explain it to Alice."

"Edward, we can't. Alice doesn't know everything we're going through. She'll never understand it all. Let's just try and get through this quickly, okay?"

I slowly looked up at Edward's face and caught his beautiful smile. We were so close to each other that it was very hard not to reach out and touch him. I almost lost my willpower when I saw Edward's tongue dart out across his lips. I had to plant my feet firmly to stop me from launching myself at him. I could feel the heated blush race through my whole body yet again.

A knock at the door quickly brought us out of our trance. We let out a collective groan as we sat back a bit. It was hard not to notice that we both effectively gave back some of the space that our bodies had taken subconsciously in a desperate attempt to physically reconnect. Edward got up to open the door. My head snapped up when I heard a high-pitched laugh and saw Edward being enveloped in a huge hug.

"Eddie! Finally! It's been sooo long!" I heard a scratchy voice squeal. "You have been so naughty by not keeping in touch!"

"Vic? Wow. What are you doing here?" Edward peeled her off of him and took a step back.

I could sense a slight nervous tone to his voice. As he turned to look at me over his shoulder, I caught sight of her. The woman, whoever she was, was really quite pretty. All right, if I want to be honest, she was much more than pretty, she was gorgeous. She had straight red hair that was cut short but curled at the ends and was wearing a very well-fitted custom-cut Chanel suit. Her tits looked like they were about ready to jump out and wave hello at me. Even though those puppies were somewhat covered, I could tell that they were F-A-K-E. Her accessories were amazing, though. Every one of them was this season's Dior's collection.

I should know; I had almost bought them before I left New York. That was until my eyes had fallen on the Oscar de la Renta collection.

_Eddie's_ eyes pleaded with me to understand, but I just shook my head. I couldn't help it. I was pissed off.

"Do you think I would miss the chance at see you again? Eddie, what's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost." I watched as the bitch reached out to run her hands up his chest.

_Holy fuck! Bitch better back the fuck off of my man!_

It seemed she didn't get the hint that Edward gave her when he pulled away. She took a step forward and raised her hands up to his shoulders again. He grabbed a hold of them and pulled them down to her sides. She glanced over at me and smiled. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you had company, Eddie"

I clenched the soft fabric of my dress in my hands at her comment.

"I'm not company, sweetheart. I'm his wife." The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. "Vic," or whatever the hell the bitch's name was, gave me a shocked look, while Edward winced at my tone. I quickly got up and made my way past them. Edward tried to reach out to me, but I pulled away from his grip. "I'll be waiting for you on the photo set, _Eddie_."

I blew them a kiss as I walked out and slammed the door behind me.

It was obvious that he knew her and that he was shocked she was there. I knew I had seen her somewhere before today but couldn't place her. I stormed my way across the room to Rose and Alice, who had finally caught up with Emmett and Jasper.

"Bella, we have to get you changed, come on." Alice ran over to where the stylists were and told them to get me an outfit. "Listen, I had a few words with that horrible excuse of an art director. You don't have to worry about him anymore. I called in a favor from a friend in the magazine and they are sending over someone I know."

_Fuck me, I need a drink. _

I knew I was being irrational. It's not like Edward wasn't allowed to hug his friends. Even if the friend was one of those freaky _"I just walked off the runaway in Milan,"_ type of friends. He was entitled to have them. I tried to calm myself down. I looked around for something to distract me and found a table full of snacks near the makeshift bar. I sighed in relief when my eyes fell upon my long-lost tonic of strength. I made a quick dash for the table and grabbed the unopened miniature bottle of Jack Daniels.

_JD, my love, my best friend, I have returned. Forgive me for trying to stay away! _

I quickly popped it open took a quick swig.

"Bella? Are you all right?" I froze when I heard Esme behind me. I swallowed hard and tried not to cough as I turned to face her.

"Yeah, hey, Esme!" I gave her a weak smile and watched her eye the bottle in my hand. "Want some?"

"Um no, I think it is really too early for that."

"Are you sure, Esme? Because it can sure take the edge off."

"Bella, sweetheart, are you okay? You seem so shaken up all of the sudden." She walked closer to me. "You know, I am really happy that you and Edward are getting back together. It's just that if you ever feel like things are getting to be too much, please talk to me. Please don't run away like you did before."

I looked down at the bottle I held and realized how I must look to her-Like a complete crazed loon.

_Well, in a way, you are._

I put the bottle on the table and turned to hug her. "I'm sorry, Esme. I didn't realize how many people I hurt when I left the way I did. But I promise not to take the coward's way out again."

Before I could pull away from Esme, I felt a slight electric humming sensation and I knew that Edward was close by. I leaned back as she gave me a wink and gave Edward a kiss on the cheek before she left us alone. I turned my back to him and grabbed the bottle of Jack for another swig.

"Bella, are you even going to let me explain?" I heard the tense tone in his voice as I turned to look at him.

"Explain what? Why you needed the jaws of life to pry that plastic titted model from your cock?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Bella, I know how it looked…"

"But it's not what it looked like?" I cut him off quickly with my snarky retort.

"I thought we were going to be mature about this. Let me explain who Vic is."

"Listen, Edward, I really don't care who _Vic _is." I took a deep breath, and shook my head. "Okay, I'm lying. I take it she's a friend you made while I was away, right?"

He let out a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

I rolled my eyes and began to pace a little. "Okay, I'm going to try and be grown up about this and I'm gonna let it pass. But Edward, we need to talk."

He nodded quickly and clasped his hands together anxiously. "Okay. Let's just be all fluffy bunnies for now and figure this shit out later. However, Edward, no more hugs from the redheaded whore or _any_ whore, okay?"

"Of course, anything you say," he quickly answered and stepped toward m me. I took another rapid swig and wanted to gulp down more Jack when Alice came over.

"Bella, come on! You need to get a move on! Everyone is ready but you. Let me get you into your dress. Come on! We just need pictures of the family and then of you and Edward and that's it! You are both done."

She dragged me away from Edward, but not before I grabbed the bottle of liquid courage to help me through the process. As she swung me around to the other side of the room, she stopped short and giggled.

"Bella, this is Victoria Newman. Victoria is my friend from _Vanity Fair's_ main office. She is going to replace that horrendous art director and is going to make sure that our shoot goes smoothly from now on. Vicki, this is my sister-in-law, Isabella Cullen."

_God sure did have a sense of humor. Ha! Who knew it?_

"Oh, we met when I went to go say hello to Eddie." Her tone was fully laced with a layer of venom. I just stood there with my arms crossed as I stared at her skanky face. Alice looked back and forth between us in shock before she was called over by Jasper.

She turned to me slowly. "You guys will be okay, right?"

We both kept our sights on each other when we nodded to Alice. When Alice was out of hearing range, the Little Red-Riding-Bitch had to open her big mouth. "So, you're the wife."

She gave me a once-over and arched her right eyebrow up. I rolled my eyes and asked her stoically, "What?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Well, okay, it's something. I guess I never realized just how ordinary you are. I always thought it was just the paparazzi's crazy cameras that made you look that way. But I guess they didn't Photoshop you."

"What the hell does that mean?" I snapped.

She gave a wicked little smile. "Sorry. You're just as plain in your pictures as you are standing here before me. I would have thought that maybe you'd look better in person."

I let out a snort. "Oh, please! Is that supposed to make me get all weepy and shit? Bitch, who do you take me for?"

She straightened out a bit. "Well, wifey dear, I take you for someone who has overstepped her reach when it comes to the likes of Edward Cullen. You are trash, Isabella. A poor little girl who fell into money the day her mommy blew up. You're a Plain Jane who has always caused him more problems than happiness. Edward Cullen is a dashing man who deserves someone who can complement him, not bring him down."

I bit back my urge to reach out and pull out all her over-processed hair.

"Listen here, hussy. I really couldn't give two figs of a fuck what you think. Whatever it is that makes you think you are better than me, go ahead, think and relish in it. Because that still doesn't make a difference. Edward Cullen isn't your husband; he is mine." I took a slow step forward and pointed a finger at her. "But if you ever, and I mean ever, make the mistake of talking about my mother again, I will show you what it means to mess with the niece of an alleged _Mafioso_."

I started to walk past her when she unleashed a string of insults I could hardly make out. I stopped dead in my tracks when her final statement took form and left her lips.

"Oh sweetheart, not for long, trust me. Eddie is coming to his senses. He might want to try to save face for the sole reason that you are that pitiful girl whom his family feels he is destined for, but all he needs right now is just one good reason to dump your ass!"

I swung around and stared at her with a murderous glare. I took two steps forward and stood toe-to-toe with her.

"You want to play this game with me, _sweetheart_? Okay, let's play. However, just remember who started this." I turned on my heel and walked away before she could say anything else.

I felt her start to follow me but before I had a chance to say anything, I heard that sexy, v velvety voice behind me.

"Bella, there you are, baby! I've been looking all over for you."

Suddenly, he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me to him. Lightning shot through my veins as I felt Edward press his lips to mine. It took me a few seconds to realize that my lips were cushioned against his in a heated embrace. For the life of me, I couldn't help but let myself go and kiss him back. I was faintly aware that Jasper and Emmett echoed sounds of approval behind us and I felt some flashes go off around us.

I felt the nerves that had attacked me all day slide off my shoulders and retreat like a wave. He held the back of my head and waist with controlled strength that gave him the momentum he needed to pull our bodies even closer. We both latched on to each other's mouth with desperate, needy kisses. If it weren't for my need to breathe, I would have preferred to stand there kissing Edward forever.

I painfully pulled my mouth back and cursed my need for air. We both just stood there and tried to catch our breaths. His hands were on my face as Edward rested his forehead against mine. I stood silently as our eyes were locked in a heated gaze.

"Did she get the message yet?" he quickly whispered. I caught the redheaded bimbo as she gave me a glare from over his shoulder before she turned and slithered away.

I gave him a quick nod and smile.

"So, gotten over these awkward jitters yet?" He smiled at me as he stared at my lips.

"Hell yes, that bitch totally pissed me off. I have no room for jitters anymore," I stated.

"Are you ready to take some pictures with me, _Mrs. Cullen_?" I laughed a little at his enthusiasm.

He grabbed my hand and swung me around and yelled for Alice to hurry up. The rest of the afternoon went smoothly after that.

There were no more awkward poses. We all got it right the first time. I laughed when Esme and Carlisle got all flirty. Of course it was much to their children's dismay. While it was still uncomfortable at times with everyone glued to our every movement, it was all worth it just to be able to touch Edward so intimately. I was passionate and so carefree around him; it was amazing. Even Alice stopped with her advice and just let us pose however we felt like. The 1950's glamour dresses were perfect. It did help me imagine we were simple people with ordinary lives, just striking that pose to get a picture for a family album or a Christmas card, instead of a ten page photo spread on one of the largest fashion magazines in the United States. Edward looked dashing in his dinner jacket; but then again, he looked amazing in anything. The lust-filled glances he gave me in front of everyone were hard to handle at times, but it wasn't hard to remember that we were a _perfectly happy married couple,_ right?

At one point Edward took me in his arms and dipped me back and kissed me softly on my exposed collarbone. That shot earned a lot of applause from the assistants, as well as catcalls from Emmett. I couldn't help but blush every time Edward did something that intimate. When the photographer asked us to do a serious stance, Edward carefully held my face in his hands and surprised me by his tender gesture. I looked up at him and we locked eyes. It was so easy to get lost in our own world. Distracted by some movement to my right, I saw Vic as she watched us. She had a fierce scowl on her face that resembled Sergio's. It was all suddenly too much to take and I decided quickly that it was time to show "Little Miss Fake Tits," once and for all that Edward was hands off.

I took a step away from Edward's reach and his face filled with confusion. I turned and placed my back against his chest to face the camera and slowly backed into him. I looked up at Edward with unspoken words; he knew what I was giving him permission for. He ran his hands through my hair before I felt him take a firm hold of my shoulders and slowly push my hair to the side. I could sense a little hesitation but he leaned down and kissed my neck softly.

I bit back a moan and closed my eyes, as I let myself go and feel the sensation. As I arched my neck to give him more access, he kissed his way up from my pulse point to my ear and whispered, "I want you, u , Bella. I need you, B Bella. God, I want to fuck you, Bella."

It had been four fucking long years since I had last felt Edward's touch, or any man's for that matter. So when I heard him whisper those erotic words so close to my ear, I was on fire once again. It was a short-lived sensation though, because as I shot my eyes open, I was met with the stares of the entire crew and Edward's family. Everyone seemed to take in the steamy show we were putting on. However, when I caught the gaze of the bitchy redheaded harlot, I felt my steel resolve return to me one more time.

To say that she was shocked at our display was an understatement. I reached up, filtered my fingers through his hair and yanked him forward. I chanced one last look at her before I delectably closed my eyes and kissed him deeply over my shoulder- her face had been priceless! The photographer, on the other hand, yelled for us to go with it. Edward quickly broke our kiss and turned me around to face him. He grabbed my hips and hoisted me up, cupping my ass and I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck with my legs around his waist. I was thankful that my dress was long and flowing, so it covered my ass. I gazed into his passion-filled eyes and I knew that we both wanted so desperately to devour one another. I watched as he eyed my lips with his mouth slightly agape, taking shallow breaths. As much as I wanted to attack his lips over and over, I couldn't-Not anymore. I ran my hands through his hair and clutched the back of his head tightly. I shook my head a little, so he knew I wouldn't kiss him again. We both let out a sigh and released in that single breath all the built up e energy that had built up. We closed our eyes as we came to rest in an act of surrender with our foreheads pressed together.

I silently wished he could hear my thoughts, but this wasn't the time or place for us to let go of our thinly veiled restraint.

"Okay you two, one last picture! Can you both keep your heads connected but turn so you can look at me?"

We both complied and hugged each other tighter. I knew that after this picture w we would both have to break apart and we would both have to come back to our harsh reality. Deep down, I knew that Edward's intense grip on me meant the same for him. Our playful poses and passionate stances that were created to show the world how _happy_ we were would end.


	12. Painful Poses and Pestering Posers Pt2

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. **

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Twelve**

**Painful Poses and Pestering Posers Part Deux**

When the final picture was taken, Edward was reluctant to put me down. We stood still and held our breath, with our eyes locked to each other. Edward began to shift and I tightened my grip, stepping closer to him. He took a sharp intake of breath when my breasts brushed up against his chest. I felt our hearts continue to race and I nervously bit my lower lip. Edward dropped his hungry gaze from my eyes to my lips, and he leaned forward to try to capture them again. Every feeling in my body screamed for me to give in-to just taste him on me once more. However, before I could lean forward to welcome him, Alice came over and congratulated us both on a job well done. She gave me a firm hug and to Edward, a sweet kiss on the cheek. And in the midst of all this commotion, we had a hard time looking anywhere else but at each other.

"Bella, Edward, you guys were great! Go get changed and then I'll set up the interview," Alice said as she pushed me toward the dressing rooms.

I groaned a bit. "Alice, we have been going at this non-stop. Please, we need a breather."

"Do it for me, you guys, please?" Alice pouted.

Edward rubbed her shoulders in a soothing manner and kissed her cheek. "Go get changed, Alice. I'll talk to Bella, okay?"

Alice gave him a quick hug and pranced off to where Rose and Emmett were. Edward turned to me and offered me his hand; I looked down and thought for a moment before I slipped my hand in his. He squeezed it gently as he pulled me with him to the dressing room.

"Edward, I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm just so tired," I whispered as we passed the crew rearranging the room for the interview.

"I know this is hard on you, believe me, love, I know." He smiled at me as he ushered me into the dressing room in front of him. "Think about it thought, we both do this damn interview and then we are finally done."

Edward shut the door behind us, grabbed a bottle of water from the vanity and started drinking it down. He took one last big gulp and set it on the table. When he looked up at me with his eyes filled with a heated desire, I suddenly got nervous. I looked around the room and realized that my change of clothes was in the other dressing room.

"Edward, I need to go to the other changing room. My clothes aren't here." When he didn't say anything in return, I turned to leave.

Before I could open the door, I felt Edward's presence at my back. I shuddered as he leaned in close and pressed me against the door, so close that my back was flush with his chest. I felt Edward's breath against the back of my neck, as he caged me in by placing his arms on both sides of me.

"So, care to explain what got into you out there?" Edward whispered.

"I'm sorry. That was probably a little out of line, huh? I assure you it won't happen again." I was not only embarrassed at my outlandish behavior but a mess of nervous knots as I tried to keep my composure.

When I reached for the door knob, Edward slipped his hand over mine and a tingling sensation flew up my arm so fast I almost went numb. I felt Edward's warm finger reach out to lift my chin and I was forced to turn my face to look up at him, over my shoulder.

"Don't be sorry; I liked it. I meant what I said, Bella; I've missed you." I could feel the warmth of his words on my face as his lips ghosted over my nose and mouth. He leaned his head down a little and asked, "Would you mind if we did it again? The kissing part, I mean."

_Yes, damn it! Kiss me, lick me, make love to me! _

I couldn't answer him-words had completely escaped me at that moment and all I could do was just stare into his eyes. My mind raced with all sorts of crazy thoughts. All I heard was my inner monologue as it screamed at me to give up control. My body thirsted for Edward. It had been so long. I needed a sip, a little taste of him to tide me over. A war raged inside of me - common sense versus being impulsive. In that moment I was so wanting; I was so willing. But alas, common sense finally won out. As much as my heart wanted him to kiss me and just live in the moment, I knew I needed to be rational. I needed to make sure I did everything right.

Edward took my silence as acceptance and started to inch his face forward again. I quickly turned to face him and pushed my arms against his shoulders to make him stop. With a look of utter defeat, he closed his eyes and backed away. I wanted to reach out to him and hold him, but instead, I just pulled gently at his arm.

"Just so there isn't any miscommunication, I want to kiss you, Edward." He quickly turned back to me and pulled me roughly into his arms.

"But we can't, you know we can't. Out there…that…it was necessary. In here, we know the truth. So, we can't," I whispered fiercely against his lips. "The consequences will be too significant. You have to know that."

He held onto my shoulders tightly and leaned in close to whisper in my ear.

"I understand and I will be patient. God knows I have done it this long; I can wait a little longer. But, Bella, when you see that nothing happened, nothing and I mean nothing, is going to stop me from making you mine once again."

His words vibrated through every inch of my body. Edward knew exactly how to make me melt; he could play my body and emotions like a fiddle. I held on to the last shred of self-control I probably possessed, as if my entire life depended on that alone. If he took a step to initiate his advances on me again, I would give in. I knew it and more importantly, he knew it. Edward knew all too well what I felt. He watched me closely and I could feel him searching for some kind of answer in my eyes. After a few minutes under his penetrating gaze, he thankfully took a step back and released me.

I let out a mixed sigh of disappointment and relief. I leaned against the door, exhausted over the silent battle we went through. Edward turned away from me and started to shuffle around and text someone. The air had grown exponentially tenser ever since Edward had relinquished his grip on my body. I could see it in the hunch of his shoulders. I could feel it in the lingering tingle along my skin. I needed to lighten the mood before we started the interview questions. If we couldn't get past how we felt, we would probably end up fucking each other in front of the reporter. It would either resolve, once and for all, the sexual tension that has escalated to unprecedented levels in this last hour after years of separation, or Edward and I would end up fighting and this whole charade would be blown to bits. In other words, either way we were screwed.

"I've asked Alice to send someone over with your change of clothes," Edward said after he slipped his phone into his pocket. "Come sit down."

"Thanks. Are you nervous about the interview questions?" I asked, trying to defuse a bit of the stress of the situation. Edward shook his head as he grabbed his slacks and polo shirt from the rack, before placed them on the chair in front of him.

"No, are you?" he answered.

"Well, of course I am. One wrong answer to a stupid personal question and we are both fucked." He smirked and shook his head. Edward turned away and started to undress.

I watched from the sofa as he quickly shed his jacket and tie. He pulled his shirt from his pants and started to unbutton it. Conscious of the precarious position we were in just a minute ago, I started to get up to leave when his hand shot out to stop me.

"No need to leave, Bella, after all, it's nothing you haven't seen before."

I didn't know if he was serious but before I could make a move, Edward quickly undid the last button of his shirt and slipped it off. When I saw his chest come into view, I felt my heart start to thud loudly against my ribs, yet again. For the life of me, I couldn't unglue my eyes from his form. I caught him smile at me as he started to slowly slide the shirt off. I knew he did that on purpose, that sneaky bastard.

The first thing I saw was his very well-defined shoulders and collarbone. As he continued his tantalizing striptease, I saw his perfectly toned stomach and abs. I swallowed-Hard. He was just as beautiful as I remembered. I stared at his torso, transfixed at the sight after so long a drought. Edward stood motionless, as he watched me watching him.

It was a look I was all too familiar with. It was the same look he had given me whenever he had wanted to get his way. It was near impossible to ever expect to win a battle of wills with a man who could render you speechless at the slightest glimpse of his naked body. I knew what he wanted, but I wouldn't give in.

AAs a last resort, I looked at the floor and tried as hard as I could to escape temptation. I could see his shirt laying there at his feet and a flash sparked through my mind. Images from that fateful night four years ago flooded in. I remembered when I opened our bedroom door and saw his clothes all over the floor. They were haphazardly thrown around the place. The steamy scent of his body wash filtered out of the open bathroom door and my eyes turned to follow the path of light that illuminating our room.

Edward must have realized my sudden panic, because he started to call out my name quickly and loudly. He tried to snap me out of my painful recollection and reached out for me. When I forcefully came back to the present, I realized he was moving toward me. I knew it was impossible; I couldn't pretend to handle my emotions anymore, so I quickly turned around and made my way back to the door.

"Umm, I'll find you after I finish changing, okay?" Before he had a chance to stop me, I ran out and slammed the door behind me. I ran past Alice, who called for me to stop. I ignored the stares as I ran straight to my dressing room without even a glance back. When I barged into the cluttered changing room, I held the door open and with a surprisingly steady and steel laced voice, I asked everyone to leave. I waited as they filtered out and shut the door behind them. I locked it and leaned my forehead against the hard wood, as I took slow, deep breaths to calm myself.

But it was too late, the flashes started coming back in full force. I saw it all, all over again. My mind started to slowly unravel the ties and my memories poured out. Only this time, I really felt like I was there; it wasn't the surreal experience that I felt every time the unbidden images came back to me. While in the past I would just remember a mere glimpse of the woman in our bed, this time I was served a vivid dose of it. The sobs escaped me and my body went limp. I sank to the floor and cried.

I could faintly hear a light knocking on the door and muffled voices. I just sat, tightly wound, with my knees to my chest. I hugged my face and arms to my knees while I cried as silently as I could into them. I tried as desperately as I could not to alert the people who stood on the other side of the door.

_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! You let him kiss you! You let him touch you! God damn it! He cheated on you! _

I sobbed harder and louder and wasn't able to control myself anymore. I heard Alice and Edward's voices as they pounded on the door. Both of them were frantic, begging me to open the door. I couldn't face Edward-Not now, not when this whole situation was so crazy and fucked up. All the hope I had inside of me suddenly evaporated.

_What good would talking to him do? He'll just lie!_

Damn, it was so hard.

"Bella! Open this door, right now!" I heard Jacob's panic filled voice.

_Oh God, if he is there with Edward, they are both going to start fighting._

I stood and reached for the door knob when I heard their argument break out.

"God damn it, man! She loves you and the only thing you're good at is making her cry!"

"What the fuck is your problem, Jacob? I didn't do anything to make her cry! I was trying to do just the opposite when she suddenly freaked out and ran!"

"What do you mean 'the opposite'? Fuck! If you were trying anything she didn't want, I'll kill you, you fucker!"Jacob boomed out. Woken from my stupor, I opened the door and found both men standing ready for attack. My sudden emergence made them snap their heads in my direction.

"Bella, are you okay?" both asked at the same time. I couldn't stop or hide the tears but managed to nod.

"You knuckleheads better get out of my way," Rose piped up and sifted through them. When she reached me, Rose ushered me back in and turned to face Edward and Jacob. "Go get some coffee or something, and sit somewhere far away from this door and even farther away from each other. When I sort this mess out, I'll come get you. Oh and tell the little Nazi fashionista we are all taking a lunch break."

They both knew better than to question Rosalie when she used her lawyer tone. Rose gave me a big, squishy hug. I leaned into her shoulder and started to cry again.

"You know, if it were me who had walked in on Emmett with another woman in our bed, I would have made certain to cut the fucker's nuts off before I hightailed out of there." Rose pulled me back comfortingly and sat me down on the chair across from the vanity. I tried to laugh, but all that came out was another sob.

I looked up at her as she gave me a bottle of water and sat up on the counter. "So, you wanna tell me what are you planning to do with Edward?"

"I have no clue, Rose." I fidgeted with the bottle top. "I used to think I had everything under control but damn it, I don't."

I grabbed a tissue from the table and blew my nose loudly. "I mean, I love him, God really I love him. It hurts so much to love him. But the images just keep popping up out of nowhere."

"What images, baby?" Rose leaned forward and squeezed my shoulder. "Tell me everything. Let's figure this all out."

"Rose, I want Edward back. I want him back in my life. But I just don't see how I can have it all back when we can't even agree on the one basic issue that has kept us apart all these years."

"Bella, do you still think he cheated?"

"That's not the problem, Rose. He doesn't even admit that there was a damn woman in our bed! How can we consider moving forward when our own versions of that night's events aren't even the same?" I dried my tears, as more spilled over.

"Bella, have you considered that maybe there is more to this story than just Edward and you?" I looked up at her in confusion. Rose gave my shoulders a final squeeze and let go. "Let me enlighten you to the ways of what women will do to get what they want."

Rose shook off her shoes and crossed her legs under her. I leaned forward and grabbed a few tissues to wipe my eyes.

"Okay, where to begin? Since I was in diapers, my life goal and ambition was to grow up and marry into wealth. I can't be blamed for it, it was ingrained in me from birth. But when I got to prep school and met Emmett, everything changed for me. I fell in love, Bella, and I was only sixteen years old. He was big and burly and everything I never knew I wanted. I knew he wanted me too, but he was just too chicken-shit to come out and say it. So one day, I was out for a run when I saw Emmett's car on the side of the road with a flat tire and he was rummaging around the trunk, grunting and groaning. Well, when I asked if he needed help, he laughed and patted me condescendingly on the shoulder. He told me that it was okay, that I needn't worry; he didn't want me to _break a nail._ So, I punched him in the nuts for his sexist remark, and then proceeded to change his tire. Of course Emmett didn't have much choice, since he was writhing in pain on the ground next to the car."

I couldn't help but laugh; it was such a typical Rosalie response. She gave me a wink before she continued.

"I thought that was the beginning for us. He would write me some silly jokes and walk me to all my classes. We were friends, but clearly moving on up faster to something else. I confessed my love and devotion for Emmett to my best friend. She told me that I should be careful because the _Cullen_ men don't settle down, much less with just one girl. So I played my game and kept him at arm's length, never confessing my true feelings. My friend, in turn, was focused on Edward, but he just kept her at friend status. When we all went to one of Mike Newton's binge drinking and partying weekends, I was ready to make Emmett mine. As soon as I got there, I saw Emmett sucking face with one of the freshman girls from our school. I was devastated and ran all the way home and cried myself to sleep."

I reached out and grabbed her hand. "Rose, I'm so sorry."

"I'm okay, Bella really, I am. It's all in the past now. Okay, so where was I? Ah yes. So, at two A.M. I'm pulled out of my restless slumber when my cell phone starts ringing. It was Alice. I had, until that point, come across her here and there but never really interacted with her. She was all hyper and crazy, you know, typical Alice. She ended up telling me that I needed to come downstairs and get in her car because Emmett was drunk and was threatening to come up and get me, whether I was a willing participant or not. It was the one time I didn't argue with her. I didn't want to wake up my parents, much less the whole neighborhood, knowing what a loud drunk Emmett could be. So I came down in my fluffy PJ's and Emmett grabbed me into a hug. He was a blubbering mess. It turned out that someone had sent him a picture of me kissing one of his friends to his cell phone, and he went nuts out of jealousy, thinking that these feelings he had were unrequited. He actually thought that I was playing him, teasing him; can you believe that? He was all bent out of shape, in the midst of all the crazy shit that kept spewing out of him at high speed, he blurted out that he loved me."

"Oh God, Rose! Did you really kiss another guy while trying to pursue Emmett? That's so not like you."

"Bella, that picture of me was from a year earlier and it was when I was rehearsing for the school play. So yeah, I did kiss the guy but for four seconds and it was because I had to. On the one hand, Emmett confessed he loved me, which was awesomely good and at the time, it was all I ever wanted to hear. But on the other, he actually believed I would spend all my time with him, just so I could get close to his friend. In his eyes I was using him as a backup. You know, a spare? I was never so happy and upset at the same time."

"Did you ever find out who sent the picture?" Rose gave me a little laugh.

"Not for a while. It was a pain in the ass trying to find out. You see, the message was sent from a disposable, untraceable cell phone, so whoever sent it really wanted his or her tracks covered. When I started asking around to see who could have sent it, I got nowhere. But one day after school, as I was taking extra time changing for cheerleading practice in one of the bathroom stalls, a small group of girls walked in, talking about the party. My best friend was one of those girls. Well, she proceeded to tell them that since Edward wasn't interested, maybe she'd try her hand at Emmett. When one of them asked her why she thought that Emmett would be interested in her, since the whole school knew he had his eyes on me, she stated 'Because I sent him a picture of Rose that he just couldn't ignore.' Bella, I flew out of the stall and grabbed ahold of the bitch. We fought, yelled and threatened each other. Needless to say, I totally kicked her ass. Finally, I thanked her for her little plan, which by the way, completely backfired on her, for not long after that night, Emmett and I were finally together, and I warned her to stay the hell away from us. From that day forward, I focused on Emmett and we got our happily ever after."

Rose's voice cracked and I saw a small tear fall. "Rose, don't cry, really, everything is fine now."

"No, Bella, it's not. If I had just said something about what I found out to Emmett-if I hadn't just let him think I didn't know who the person that was trying to hurt us was…if I had told him, maybe Edward would have been more aware of how things really were."

"Rose, what are you trying to tell me? I don't understand."

Rose wiped her tears and reached out to stroke my cheek softly. "Bella, my best friend in school was Tanya Denali."

"What?" I screamed.

Rose stood up quickly and pulled me into a hug. "Bella! Please, I know! I know! If I had told Emmett, no doubt Edward would have known what she was capable of. He would have never given her the chance to get so close. I'm so sorry, Bella!"

I stood stoically and just listened to Rose.

"Looking back on it now, I can't believe I didn't see how obsessed she was with the family, especially Edward. Even though after that day in the locker rooms, I repeatedly gave her pointed warnings to stay away, I knew there were situations that escaped my control. And of course, Tanya made sure to try find out all of the ways to get to Edward. Whether it was trying to be his lab partner or to make him ask her out, it didn't matter if she had to stoop down or lose all dignity, Tanya tried it! She even tried to befriend Alice and would volunteer at the country club lunches. Since her mother and my mother were involved in those kind of socialite activities, I didn't want to create any 'unlady-like drama' as my mother would have put it, so I stayed quiet but I always watched. Bella, I swear Edward, Alice or Esme never showed any interest! If I had known what she was capable of, I would have told everyone right away. I didn't know, Bella; I just didn't know."

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. My mind reeled from Rose's confession.

_Wait! The pictures of him in the magazines! _

"Rose, after I left-when I was in Italy, I saw a tabloid cover with Edward and Tanya together. You have to be honest with me, were they ever together? Like more-than-just-friends together?"

I pulled back from her and watched her face. Her answer was so important to me. My heart banged against my chest, my pulse raced. I needed to know. Rose thought for a minute, as she tried to remember those troublesome days.

"Bella, from the time the media caught you guys fighting in the video where you slapped Edward and ran off, he has been the target of slander from every magazine out there."

"But Rose, there were so many women in those pictures, and some of the magazines were reputable ones!" I held my hands out in front of me in frustration.

"I don't know about those photos, Bella, but unless you caught him in the act, butt ass naked with his cock in some part of her, grunting and moaning while wide awake, without the assistance of drugs or alcohol, I would believe what he has to say. Past experience has taught me that. The hard way."

I sat back in the chair and stared at myself in the mirror. I was a mess. My makeup was smudged and my hair was in complete disarray. The vintage couture dress I wore was wrinkled and completely blotched all over with wet spots from my tears. I was looking at a reflection of my life. Rose quickly went into the bathroom and I heard the sound of running water.

_I should've trusted my husband. I should have stayed. At least, I should've listened to what he had to say. If I had just stayed, I know we would have worked through this. I would have never gone to Italy; I would have never lost the baby. Oh God! I have seriously fucked up!_

I clutched my stomach and folded my arms around myself.

_Our baby, it could have lived. If I had just stayed; if I hadn't been so stupid! We could have been parents! I could have been a mother! We could have been happy, together as a family! _

I leaned down and put my face on the vanity table, trying to cool my heated face from all the tears I had shed.

_How am I gonna fix this mess? Is there any way to fix this mess? If I talk to Edward, will he listen to me? What will he do when he finds out my stupidity cost him his child? Our child!_

"Bella? Bella? Come on, snap out of it." Rose pulled my face up off the vanity. "Come on, get up, we have to talk to Edward."

"No, Rose! I can't! I can't!" I shook my head and pushed her back.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She quickly smacked my hands down. "Bella, do you love Edward?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Think hard, because this is a defining moment. Would you have forgiven him even if you were one hundred percent certain that he had cheated? If no one else knew about it, if no one else gave you grief over it, if you and Edward could start everything from scratch, everything forgiven and forgotten, would you take him back? Tell me, honestly, right now."

When she posed the question, so straightforward to me like that, the most honest answer flew out of my mouth, without a thought, and I knew immediately from the bottom of my soul. "Yes, Rose, I would."

She softened her gaze and handed me a wet washcloth. "Bella, if the tables were turned and he thought the worst of you, wouldn't you want him to come back and tell you that he was wrong? Wouldn't you, at least, want to be given the chance to explain yourself? Think about it, even though there might be some questions, he is sorry for overreacting and wants to try and put your marriage back together?"

"Of course I would! But there is so much more than just the matter of his fidelity. Rose…I messed up! I don't know if he'll even want to stay with me after all the things I have to say to him. Oh God I am such a fool!"

I started to cry inconsolably again and covered my face with my hands. I felt her massage my scalp with her fingers as she patted my back.

"Bella, whatever it is…whatever else you feel is going to be an issue, you have to trust Edward. He loves you, Bella; he will forgive you. I know he will."

I clutched my arms around her waist and hugged her tight. She held me close and soothed me as I got out all my pent-up emotions.

"Edward, if you make her cry again, I will cut your balls off with a spoon, make a meatball sauce out of them and feed them to you. And then I will tell everyone and anyone who I meet that you are nutless and spread the rumor that you have a small dick. Am I understood?"

I watched Edward clear his throat and give Rosalie a strong and decisive nod before he shut the door behind him. He turned to look at me with concerned eyes. I stood, all cleaned up, in my pencil straight black skirt and argyle sweater with pearls on. Rose had brushed out my hair and pinned up my bangs out of my face. She had me put on just some light powder and gloss, nothing else. She stated that going natural was the safest route for the rest of the day.

_Putting on mascara was just asking for trouble_. She did ask me however, to wear heels.

"Nothing like a pair of killer legs to make a man a lover and not a fighter_,"_ she stated as she pulled out the fourth and final pair.

It wasn't until I looked up at him that I realized that we complimented each other with matching outfits. Not in the tacky, gag your mouth kind of way, but more like the sensible, but sexy, kinda way.

The last hour and half of the emotional sparring my brain had gone through had left me mentally exhausted. At one point, I seriously considered the thought that I had been a murderer or pedophile in a previous life, to have such bad luck repeatedly and constantly in this life. I mentally made a statistical chart of shit that could go wrong and shit that did go wrong when it came to me throughout all the major events in my life, and sure enough, more than three-fourths of the fucked up diagram was covered with shit that could and did go wrong. The numbers didn't lie!

But I had to put all that aside at that moment. I didn't need any more negative karma affecting me. I had to try and talk this out with Edward. We had to see if we could get past all this.

"Edward, we have to talk, right now. It can't wait. Do you think we can?" I maintained eye contact and tried to hold my emotions in check.

"Of course, Bella, anything you want, baby." I motioned for him to sit on the sofa and I sat on the single chair closest to him. I bit my nails nervously but took a deep breath and forced myself to start the hardest, most difficult conversation of my life.

"Some of the questions that I am going to ask you are going to be ones you've answered before, but I need to do this in order, okay? So, just humor me." Edward smiled and nodded. He gestured for me to proceed.

"Edward, did you sleep with Tanya?" God, it hurt to say the words.

"No." Edward shook his head.

"Did you ever see Tanya after that night?"

"Yes," he said hesitantly.

I covered my face with my hands. "When?"

"Bella, we had to work together. I had a business to run; I mean, we were working on a project. It was damn awkward at first but we were able to get past it."

"Did you ever ask her about that night when I came home?" I asked. Edward shifted a little and rested his elbows on his knees.

"Well, after you left, accusing me of cheating, I was really pissed that you wouldn't hear me out or even give me the benefit of the doubt. To be honest, since we were still working together, I decided I didn't want to talk about it with her until after we had closed the deal. So a few weeks later, when I couldn't take it anymore and you still wouldn't pick up my calls, I finally broke down and asked her. I met her at the restaurant of the hotel where she was staying. We sat at the bar the whole night and I had her go over everything. She said that she never stepped foot outside the guest room, well, not that she remembers, at least. She also asked if we were okay, especially after the stunt she pulled, when she kissed me. I told her we were fine, as long as she knew never to do that again. She said that for what it was worth it, she was sorry. And that was the end of it."

I thought back to the timeline of when I first saw the picture of them when I was in Rome.

_How many weeks had passed? Could that picture that was taken of him coming and going from the hotel, with the same clothes on, have been as innocent as he was claiming it to be? _

Just the thought that my overreaction in Rome was all due to a stupid lie, a repulsive ploy to sell more magazines, set off the grenades of anxiety in my stomach. But the promise I made to Rose about making sure no question was left unasked or unanswered, kept me focused.

I took a deep breath and I rubbed my hands on my face. "Edward, did you leave together the next day? Do remember the pictures being taken?"

"Of course, Bella, when weren't pictures being taken? But I completely freaked out when those pictures came out." I looked up at him.

"Why?"

"Well, for one thing, I told Tanya directly, face to face, that I wanted to talk to her, and secondly, I made sure I didn't have my normal car. I took the company car from the garage; it has tinted windows. So, unless they were there to scope out someone else, getting a picture of me arriving and leaving the hotel was pretty damn lucky." He laughed a little. "I was paranoid that I was being set up. But I finally came to my senses."

There was something unsettling about Edward's confession. From the look on his face and the way he tried not to do anything to make me feel uncomfortable, I knew he wasn't lying to me. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that there were just too many coincidences when it came to Edward and Tanya. I tried to calm myself and asked about the rumors and women I had seen him photographed with. I asked about the movie premieres, alleged dinner dates and vacation pictures at which Edward had been photographed. For every question, he always had the perfect answer.

"_Their husbands were standing right beside me,"_ or _"Bella, it was a business dinner."_

I slowly asked Edward about his meeting with Uncle Aro. "Edward, when you came to see Uncle Aro…"

"Bella…" he interrupted.

I shook my head and continued to speak. "No, Edward, I have to say this. I am so sorry for what happened when you came to Uncle Aro's, for the way they treated you. I want you to know that it was not your fault…after finding out everything…"

Edward took advantage of my breakdown and jumped in. "Bella, I know that they lied to me. I know that they tried hard to keep us apart. Love, I should have come after you right away."

I shook my head and held back the tears. "No, Edward you don't understand, Italy is entirely my fault. But I swear, what Uncle Aro said about me moving on wasn't true. I swear there was no one. I love you and only you. I was just in a very unhealthy mental place…because…"

"My sweetheart, I know. I know you suffered a lot while you were in Italy. I can't even imagine what it must have been like being there and under so much tension and pressure."

I stopped moving and looked up into his eyes. _Did he know about the baby?_

Edward sensed my surprise, and said. "Bella, my mom mentioned to me the talk she and dad had with Felix, right after your room was broken into. Please, don't be mad at her that she confided what they spoke about. Actually, I am so relieved that she did. All this time, I was a stupid, self-absorbed prick that was mildly angry thinking you were just senselessly avoiding me. But baby, what you must have gone through! Bella, nothing was your fault. Whatever misunderstanding that happened in Italy to cause you to have your room vandalized here, it's totally undeserving. It is all just so sick and twisted. I swear, on my life, I will never let anyone put a finger on you. And even though I still hate the fact that you called Emmett instead of me, I am happy that when you needed help, you called one of us. It gave me some satisfaction to know that Jacob wasn't everything in your life."

I was speechless. He had no clue what the truth really was.

He let out a strangled laugh. "What? Are you surprised that I'm not so fucking selfish? I know I'm kind surprised too."

I watched as he leaned forward and took my hand into his. "I swear to you, Bella, you are safe here; I will protect you for as long as there is breath in my body."

His words ripped through me, and my heart was torn in two. One half begged for me to take him at his word and forget about everything else. The other screamed for me to come clean and tell him, once and for all, about the baby.

"God, Edward I just want to go back…I just want it all back!" I screamed out in frustration. He kissed my hand and pressed it to his heart as he pulled me into his arms.

"Bella, my love, my life, we can have it all back. We both made mistakes, not just you or I alone. Do I wish you had just stayed and fought with me and let me talk it all out? Yes! Do I wish that I had gotten my head out of my ass and chased after you right away? Fuck, yes. But none of it matters. Right now love, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my ego, pride and stupidity, I swear I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I promise you, Bella, I will make it all up to you. These last four years have been a farce without you; everything I accomplished, and everything I gained for my company to make my business grow, gave me no joy or satisfaction. Bella, when I went home at night, my life was still empty because at the end of the day, I still didn't have you. God damn it, my whole life was out of control. I can't even begin to tell you how lost I became without you. The worst almost got the best of me, I almost failed. But I couldn't let it consume me. Bella, I love you."

I clung onto him with all my might. I sobbed against him as he held me in his arms. It felt so safe, it felt so right. Like my whole self was complete, once again, as I sat there in his arms.

Through the entire two hours that we spent together in that room, Edward answered every single question with confidence and persistence. He claimed that he was innocent of any action that was documented by the paparazzi. Even though I still had some questions, I remained silent. Deep inside I knew that none of them would sway what my heart felt.

I wanted my husband back. I was ready to move on, follow my heart, live a life worth living and most importantly I wanted to fix my marriage. In every way that counted, I was ready to believe in my husband and wipe the slate clean of these horrible past four years. Tabula Rasa and all that shit.

Edward leaned down and kissed me deeply as I clung to him. He was soft, gentle and so tender with his caress. He re-awakened the hunger for him that had lain dormant within me. The need I had for Edward raged through me, when I looked up into his eyes and saw they mirrored my own desire. It was so pure, it was so perfect, and it was everything I needed to finalize my decision.

I slowly reached up and stroked gently his face with my hands. Moving ever closer, I whispered passionately. "I love you Edward and I want us back."

His eyes teared up and he let out a sob. "Thank God, Bella. So do I, baby, I want it all back too."

As he pressed me to his chest and showered me with kisses, I was even more disgusted with myself. All it would have taken were a few simple words to bring forth my contribution to the demise of our marriage, but what I felt in Edward's arms was just too much. I reluctantly accepted my new role as the monster in our relationship.

When I felt him slowly start to undo my sweater, one button at a time, I prayed that sometime soon I would have the strength to try and come clean to him.

As for right now, I was ready to live again. I was ready to feel again. I was ready to plunge into the abyss of forever with Edward Cullen. Even if it felt like it was only on borrowed time.

A/N: _Tabula Rasa = Clean Slate _


	13. Desperate Devotion

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. **

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Thirteen

**Desperate Devotion**

There was a moment of clarity, in between the passion-filled kisses, when I finally heard the rational voice inside my head. It screamed words and phrases that would have made any self-respecting individual stop and take a step back. My life however, was a runaway train and I had lost control of it a long time ago. The funny thing was, in that moment, I couldn't have cared less. So while sensible Bella called for me to stop and for a chance to be heard, I kicked her in the stomach, dragged her ass into a closet and locked her away. I filed the mental key under "W" for when the shit finally hits the fan_._

"God,Bella! I love you." And just like that, I was brought back to my Edward. I lay back against the sofa, my sweater undone while Edward's magnificent naked torso pressed against mine. Yes, somewhere along the way Edward had lost his shirt. I was so drunk on the emotions that poured out of him that my head spun. Edward's hips comfortably nested between my legs as he seductively ran his hands up and down my thighs. Edward hiked up my flimsy skirt in the process and grabbed my ass. I moaned when he sucked and kissed the length of my neckand followed the path down to the swell of my breasts. Edward grinded himself into me and I couldn't help but blush as I felt his hard and alert member rub against my soaked panties.

My body was filled to the brim with deep heated desire. Every single moan and kiss made me respond loudly, which made Edward stroke his body harder against mine, and it brought me one step closer to erotic oblivion. The second Edward's teeth grazed over my breasts that were still shielded by my satin bra, my nipples hardened.

"Oh my God, Edward," I whimpered as I felt his fingers caress my inner thigh and his thumb strum over my covered, wet heat. That action alone made my pussy pulse. My hands had a mind of their own as they leafed through his messy mane, and I heard Edward hum in appreciation.

"Bella, I need you. God, I want to worship you," Edward whispered as he scooted down my body. He kissed and nipped at my knees and thighs; the action set my body ablaze with millions of little electrical currents. When I felt his tongue dart out, I knew he left a path of sloppy kisses toward my wet, heated center. My head swam and dropped back as I allowed myself to give in to the sensations that only Edward could create.

"Edward…Edward…" I called out as I quivered in anticipation.

I heard him moan his reply. "I've missed the way you say my name. Say it again, Bella. Please, baby."

"Edward, Edward, Edward, I called out in between passion-filled breaths. I used every ounce of strength I had left and lifted my head back up to lock eyes with him. The gleam in his eyes revealed a hunger so great it shook me to the core. The moment was so intense, it took my breath away and I was lost in a ocean of emerald.

A loud knock at the door, followed by Alice's voice, caused me to panic. I gripped the leather beneath me and tried to sit up, but Edward's firm hold on my legs kept me in place.

Everything was going so fast that I didn't want it to end. _ Please don't let this end._

Edward reverently caressed my legs and thighs, as he kept his beautiful eyes fixated on me. When Alice knocked again and was more insistent that we unlock the door, it dawned on us that we were going to have to postpone this to another time. We sat and stared at each for a moment, before lunging toward each other. Our actions were desperate and passion flashed through our eyes as Edward captured my lips with his own. It was deep, desperate and heated. My lips parted on instinct as Edward, without missing a beat, massaged my tongue in tandem with his.

"Dear God, Bella. I love you so much…" Edward whispered reverently in between his kisses.

"I love you, Edward. I need you," I whispered back as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. With the full weight of his body on me, I wrapped my legs around his waist and molded myself to him.

"Edward Cullen! Open this door right now! I mean it!" Alice's shrill voice resonated through the door. When I felt Edward start to pull away, I frantically clung to him and willed for him to just stay with me. I prayed he felt strong enough to love forget the outside world and love me.

"Love, let me go for a minute." I whimpered a little as he pulled further way. His gaze softened and he leaned down to capture my lips softly. "Let me handle this, love."

Alice's knocks became insanely loud, and Edward ran his hands through his hair and pushed himself off me. He stomped his way over to the door and banged his fist on it.

"Alice Cullen! Get the fuck away from this door! Right the fuck now! I'm not joking!" he boomed. I sat up a little, pulling my sweater back on and watching as he paced in front of the door.

"Edward, you promised! I have Mom and Dad doing the interview right now. I just need to get you and Bella briefed and ready to go," she whined.

I walked over to the vanity and quickly brushed my fingers through my hair to try and tried to organize the mess Edward's smooth loving had caused. I licked my swollen lips and was able to taste the essence that his velvety tongue had left behind. My gaze shifted when I realized Edward was watching me in the mirror. He stood there, leaning against the door, with his naked chest and obvious erection begging for my touch. I fiercely resisted the urge to run and pick up where we left off. Instead, I turned around, reached for his shirt and threw it at him.

"Done with me so soon, love?" He smirked as he caught the shirt and put it on; his eyes never straying from mine.

I looked over the length of his body and whispered, "I could never be done with you, Edward."

Edward's laugh caught me off guard and I realized that I had said it louder than I had originally thought. I felt the blush return to my face and I quickly turned my attention back to fixing myself up. I grabbed the hairbrush and started to comb with long and determined strokes. I looked everywhere but at him or the mirror and tried to escape his glances. Bad move, because no sooner did I turn my gaze from him, when I suddenly felt Edward's hands on mine to still my motion. I looked over my shoulder and jerked back when I found his face was so close. He leaned in softly and kissed my lips.

"I could never be done with you either, Bella. You are my forever. You always have been; you always will be."

There was no denying it; I could never live without this man, not now, not ever. I turned around and searched his face. I must have found what I was looking for, because the next thing I knew, I stepped up on my toes and gently grabbed his face. I pulled him into a kiss and poured all my love into it. He quickly caught on and held me closer as we angled our heads so we could continue to take soft and slow kisses from each other. Suddenly, the door flew open, and we both jumped back.

A very angry Alice Cullen stood with her hands on her hips. She shook her head as she marched over to us and pushed her way in between us.

"You know, when I asked you both to help me out with this photo and interview thing, I never imagined that it would become the ordeal it has!" she said as she poked a finger in his chest. "You both are killing me! Did you know that?"

She turned to me. "You know, I have worked with models, actresses and politicians' wives who gave me less trouble than the both of you have!"

"Goddamnit, Alice! If I had known you would become all Nazi-like with this, I would never have said yes, Edward fumed.

"Oh! Get over yourself, Edward Cullen! Maybe, if you two were able to keep your emotional shit together for just one minute, you could have been done with all of this by now! You could be off, fucking each other until you were both blue in the face, for all I care!" We all heard a snort coming from the door and turned to see Emmett holding back a laugh.

"Man, oh man. Blue in the face? I didn't know you were into this erotic asphyxiation shit, Bella? Think you could talk to Rose about it?" I covered my face in my hands and knew I was as red as a tomato. Rosalie waltzed by him and smacked him on the back of the head. She gave me wink and an all-knowing smile.

"So, Bella? Edward? Do you think we could get this show on the road, please?" Alice whined. Edward rolled his eyes, grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the room with him.

"Fine. Whatever, Alice, let's just get this over and done with," he grumbled as we walked out of the room. A few shocked staffers and stylists hurried to give us way. I couldn't help but smile when I felt Edward squeeze my hand reassuringly. It was wonderful to know that we were past the awkward stage, and that we were free to show affection again.

When we got back to the set, Alice quickly went over what type of questions might be asked. I took my seat and felt Edward scoot his chair closer to mine. He took me by complete surprise when he leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. While the peck was small and brief, the effect was lingering and soon everything was blocked out. All I could see in that moment was Edward's beautiful smile as he gazed at me with adoration His concentration never wavered and he answered Alice's questions with nods or short verbal acknowledgements.

I was quickly touched up with powder and gloss, while Jasper came over and reiterated that he had given them fair warning about what could and could not be asked. It was a little nerve-wracking that we were not able to see the questions ahead of time, but Jasper calmed us down. Our mini microphones clipped into place. I felt my calm demeanor rapidly start to fade when the interviewer came in.

She was a cute, petite blonde with a bobbed hair cut. Her multi-colored dress was a current season Chanel and she paired it with a matching set of Jimmy Choo pumps. The moment she came in, it was obvious the harlot was eye-fucking my husband. She glanced at me with contempt written all over her face, but tried to hide it behind a small smile. She went over some final notes with the producer, before she efficiently got prepped for the interview. I knew I should have gotten used to a reaction like hers; it was one that most women had when they saw me with Edward. But I was so wrapped up in Edward and the happiness we felt that her stone-cold attitude caught me off guard.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, please allow me to introduce myself. I'm Charlotte McCaul. It is a pleasure to meet you both." Edward and I nodded and shook the hand she extended to us. It didn't escape my notice that she held on to Edward's hand a little longer than necessary. "So let's get right down to business. If you need a break or anything, just let me know. I'll be asking questions and giving you time to respond; I might do some follow up questions, if I may?"

"Charlotte, ask what you need to ask; we will do our best to give you an exciting interview, Edward responded in a cool, calm and completely collected manner. She flashed a smile showcasing her porcelain veneers and made a point to adjust her skirt before she started to leaf through her notes. "By the way, Charlotte, please call me Edward and this is my wife, Isabella."

"I had the pleasure to speak with your family earlier, Edward. I appreciate you both taking the time to sit down for this highly anticipated interview." We both smiled at her. "You two are the most sought after members of the Cullen family. Does the media attention ever take its toll on you, personally, or as a couple?"

Edward winked at me and answered, "Of course, it does. Any major public event brings with it a source of stress, from the questions and photographers flashing their camera in our faces. However, it's the only time that Bella and I expect it. It's when we have people invading our personal lives that we tend to get a bit testy. For instance, having your picture taken while trying to do normal everyday things, like going out to get a cup of coffee or throwing out the trash, is what I find a bit extreme. I mean, I don't think anyone wants to know what I ate for dinner last night." Edward laughed.

"On the contrary, Edward," Charlotte purred. "I happen to know that a great deal of women would be thrilled to know what you eat for dinner."

"Ah, well that is where I draw the line then, because only my wife and I have the right to know what I have been doing with my mouth." Edward chuckled a little and leaned back in the chair, totally at ease. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a light squeeze. His other hand came to rest at my lap. When I twined our fingers together, to everyone around us I looked like a woman in love. Beneath my soft and demure pose, I held onto Edward's hand in an effort to calm my erratic nerves. Through it all, I never once let my picture-perfect smile fall.

"Both of your lives have pretty much been documented in front of the world to see, at least for you, Edward, it has. But has this ever put a strain on your marriage?" Charlotte questioned, practically repeating the previous question and it made me dread where all of this was headed.

"As I stated before, it absolutely has its moments. The pressure of living in the public eye can be pretty demanding and ultimately does put us under a lot of stress. And just like any married couple, we have our ups and our downs, too. However, we also have a deep sense of commitment to each other, as well as an awesome support system. We appreciate each other and we respect each other. At the end of the day, we are stronger for it."

I saw Charlotte look down at her pages. "Isabella, why were you away from the public eye these last four years?"

Keeping my smile in place, I turned slightly toward Edward. "Well, I wouldn't say I was completely away these last four years. I was just busy with personal family matters that kept me away from more public events. Let's say, I had to prioritize some thing's in my life."

"Does that include leaving your husband?" she shot out without batting an eye. Edward snapped an evil look at her, but I squeezed his hand quickly.

"No, it doesn't. Charlotte, as you very well know, we are very busy people, with a lot of commitments. Edward is an entrepreneur. I work in art acquisitions, so both of us have very demanding schedules that need tending to. It is as simple as that. Anything else, I'm sorry isn't anyone's business."

"So these last four years of being apart is all because of your careers?" she quipped in a disbelieving tone.

"Charlotte, I believe my wife answered the question. Let's move on, " Edward stated;his tone left no room for discussion. She quickly looked at him, caught off guard by his irritated stare.

I smiled and rubbed his hand softly. "Charlotte, work was a large part. That is all you need to know."

"Fair enough. Okay, moving on to the charity gala. Isabella, quite a little uproar was created when a mystery gentleman became very adamant to claim you during the auction. From what I understand you were involved in a bidding war? Care to elaborate?"

I shifted a little but continued the illusion of calm with a little laugh and a dismissive wave of my hand. "Oh Charlotte, you are so wicked! But you really do need to make sure you have all the facts straight."

Edward coughed to cover his laugh as I continued. "It was a fundraiser for the Children's Hospital. It was nothing but friendly competition to raise money while waiting for my husband, who, like always, was running a little late! He's addicted to making grand entrances. But what can you do, right? People with always tend to look for things even when they really aren't there."

I leaned in close and gave Edward a quick peck on the lips. Edward winked at me and tried to kiss me some more. I giggled and push him back playfully, as we settled back in our chairs. Charlotte cleared her throat, in an effort to remind us where we were.

"I'm sorry, Charlotte, we must look like love struck teenagers. It's just that every time I see my wife smile, I just can't help myself." Edward cooed as he slipped a possessive arm around my waist.

I glanced at Charlotte, who had her lips pressed into a thin line. She raised an eyebrow at me and launched into another set of questions.

"Isabella, do you have any comment on the recent buzz about the break-in into your hotel room?" Edward's arm tensed around me. I reached for a glass of water and took a deep breath. "And does it have any connection to the alleged association your family has with the Italian Mafia?"

The water I was drinking suddenly went down my wind pipe and I started coughing fitfully. Edward started to pat my back and thrust the glass from me to a shocked Charlotte.

"I must intervene, Ms. McCaul. My client cannot confirm or deny anything pertaining to an open case with the Chicago PD." I heard Felix pipe in. I looked behind me and realized that Felix and Jacob stood near Alice and Jasper, who looked at me apologetically.

"Even if she could, I doubt she would answer such a malicious enquiry," Edward piped up, glaring at Charlotte. "What is wrong with you? Have you no shame, lady?"

"I am so sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound like that," she stammered.

Edward shook his head. "What did you want it to sound like, then?"

I looked up and caught the embarrassment in her face. Charlotte started to look over her notes quickly.

She continued to shuffle through the papers and suddenly asked, "Yes! Here we go."

"Isabella and Edward, I am sure you are both excited with the relationship between Alice Cullen and Jasper Whitlock?"

"Yes, obviously." Edward snapped.

"So, moving forward in a relationship is something that you both seem to agree with?"

Edward started to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Yes. So?"

"Well naturally then, your fans would want to know when you and Isabella will be thinking of starting a family?"

I don't know why but the question caught me completely off guard. I should have expected it. It was obvious that was the next thing she would inquire, just by following that ridiculous line of questioning. But when she asked me the question, without any hesitation or forewarning, it just overwhelmed me. I gathered my strength and tried to speak, but Edward beat me to it.

"Of course, we plan to have children. We would like to wait a little bit more, though. It is a natural step forward in our marriage and I know we are both very much looking forward to it. In fact, I think it would be against some kind of law of nature for my wife here not to become a mother." Edward laughed, and I felt a slight pang in my heart. "As a matter of fact, I don't think I could ever picture a more beautiful woman as a mother than my lovely wife Bella."

My eyes filled to the brim as he leaned over and kissed my forehead with his soft lips. I closed my eyes and let the tears slide down my cheeks.

_You are so going to burn in Hell, Bella._

"Isabella, do you have anything you would like to add?" Charlotte called out to me. I opened my eyes and looked up at her and then turned to look at Edward.

"What more can I add to something so captivating? I mean I would have to be dumb, deaf and blind to not want Edward Cullen to father my children, right? I want them to be dashing and Edward certainly possesses the gene pool to accomplish that. I mean, look at his family, for God's sake." Edward let out a laugh as did everyone else.

I caught Jacob's stern eye and my emotions started to rumble again. I faked a smile and quickly added, "Carlisle, Edward's father, is an amazing man. He and Esme have raised their children to excel in everything they do. I know, without a doubt, that our children will be very lucky to have a man like Edward as their father."

I gritted my teeth together and did my signature fake smile, as Edward beamed at my words.

_Forget going to Hell, you are the Devil, Bella Cullen. You are the Devil!_

"Okay, Charlotte, I think we're done here!" I heard Alice chime in. I chanced a look over at Charlotte, who was busy writing down some notes. I quickly stood up to leave and to get a hold of myself. I wanted to break into a sprint to get away from her. I hated that she was able to bring out such feelings of insecurity.

"Bella, I think I should talk to her before she leaves, love," Edward whispered as I moved to leave the makeshift set.

I nodded quickly and took a deep breath. "I'm just so tired; you know how this all gets to me. I'm going back up to my room with Jacob. Come and find me after you're through, okay?"

I stepped on my tip toes and kissed him deeply. I could feel him smile against my lips. "Hmm, stay there, okay? Don't go anywhere. I'm coming up right after I finish this."

I turned quickly and made my way over to Felix and Jacob, who held the door open for me. We walked silently to the elevator and made our way up.

_You need to tell him the truth about the baby! Right away!_

My insane inner monologue pounded from behind the mental door I had put up.

_Bella, just tell him the truth; it was not your fault! He will understand. He will forgive you. He loves you, Bella. He can't live without you!_

I bent my head in my hands and rubbed my temples.

"Bella, you didn't tell him about the baby, did you?" my favorite tormentor piped up. I rolled my eyes at Felix and walked out of the elevator when the doors opened.

"Watch it, Felix, I'm warning you," Jacob boomed behind me. I just shook my head and made my way over to my suite. Jacob opened my door and let me in, as he called out, "Leah!"

Leah quickly came out of my bedroom and smiled when she saw me. "Mrs. Isabella! How did everything go?"

"Yes, _Mrs. Isabella_, do tell us, how did everything go?" Felix chuckled as he grabbed a few nuts out of the dish in front of him and comfortably sat down.

"Why exactly are you here, Felix?" I asked as I kicked off my shoes. "I don't recall asking for you to stick around."

"Ah, I was contacted by Mr. Whitlock. He needed me to be aware of the little exposé about your love life that _The Post_ published this morning. I have to say that I am kind of miffed that they didn't get my name. I guess next time I'll have to make more of an impact. What do you think, Isabella? Want to do lunch at the Ivy sometime?" He laughed his evil little laugh.

"That is enough, Felix." Jacob snapped as Felix looked over some messages on his Blackberry. "Don't make me come over there and kick your ass. Leave Bells alone."

"Come, come now, Jacob! What happened to the unsung hero? You know you want to know just as much as I do all the girlie details of Eddie and Bella's reunion! Am I to assume the divorce proceedings should be put on hold?"

"Bells will let you know, when she is sure, okay? Let it go now, Felix." Jacob sat down on the sofa and propped his feet up. Felix stared at me with a curious eye. I hated when he looked at me like that. It was almost like he could read my mind. There was only one other man who could do that without any resistance from me and that was Uncle Aro.

"Isabella Cullen, is there something you would like to share with the class?" I shook my head and tried to deny everything that happened with Edward. I wasn't ready to confirm anything, especially since Edward and I hadn't had a chance to talk about where we were.

Felix was a rat bastard and he knew just how to take advantage of it. No wonder he is a lawyer. And even though I'm sure Jacob knew where I stood when it came to Edward, he was decent enough to wait for me to make the first move if I ever wanted to talk about it. Part of me wanted to open up right then and there and tell him everything, but the conversation we'd had the day before was still too fresh in my mind. I wanted to trust Jacob; I so desperately needed my best friend. But I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that I needed to figure this out on my own.

I walked over to the window and tried to drown out Jacob and Felix's constant chatter. I looked out over the Chicago skyline and memories of the life I had lived with my husband danced before me. I missed the times when Edward and I would wake up naked and in bed together. We would start off the day snuggling and would try to use our bodies to warm each other. I missed the morning runs Edward and I shared before we headed out for work. I missed the moments I would get ready for a public event. I remember how I used to ask Edward to zip me up, which would usually lead to me naked and against the wall as Edward loved me.

I brushed my fingertips against my lips and remembered the passionate kisses that Edward and I had engaged in earlier. The happiness in his eyes and the accompanying relief in my soul were all I needed to keep my focus. The irrational side of me begged me to remain silent and just let the demons go. It seemed so instinctual to keep quiet, in a defensive kind of way. Not only because it would hurt me, but because it would certainly hurt Edward. I tried to rationalize not telling him the truth about the baby, I mean, it wouldn't bring us any closer. It would only make us drift apart again. The coward in me was winning as I asked myself the difficult questions. Fear ruled me and all I heard, all I felt, was the fear that raced through me with the knowledge that had I just stayed and talked it out with him, not only we could have been together this past four hellish years, but we could very well have been the proud and loving parents to a four-year-old child. I shuddered to think about how Edward would react. I covered my face and held back the tears.

_You are so fucked._

I tried to find a solution, any solution, that allowed me to tell Edward the truth.

I quickly weighed a life of lying to Edward by omission, against a life in which I told him the truth. The outcome was always the same.

_Telling him everything could mean losing him forever._

The question I needed to make sure I had the answer to was, _Could I survive if he left me?_

My heart was heavy. And I wanted to cry at the irony. I came back here to leave Edward. I came back here to voluntarily divorce him. Because I was so sure that he had done the unforgivable. Now look at me. The tables were turned; now I was the monster. Whoever said Karma was a bitch definitely knew what they were talking about.

A hard knock at the door brought me back and I turned to see Jacob walk over and look through the peephole. He turned back and nodded toward me and I knew my time was up. I had to make a decision. As Edward came into view and our eyes locked, everyone else disappeared. It was like we were the only two people on Earth again.

He took three large strides toward me, slipped his hands around my waist and pulled me toward him. He didn't care about our audience, and frankly neither did I. His gaze locked onto my lips as he bent down to take them with his. I felt my body set ablaze and a fire raced through my veins. My hands ran up the length of his hard chest and continued the journey up to his shoulders until they finally locked themselves behind his neck. He lifted me up and pressed me against him to deepen his kiss. As my feet dangled off the ground, I lost myself in the floating sensation. It only intensified the moment I had with Edward.

We parted when we needed air, but he kept his eyes locked with mine. "Bella, I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds, but there is no fucking way you I'm letting you go. I will not spend another night away from you. o make a decision. I move my things in here or you move your things in with me."

I licked my lips and stared at his moist, parted ones. I was so distracted by his touch that I couldn't think straight. "Oh…Um."

"You know, Isabella, I think it would be better for him to move in here. At least like this, we would always be able to reach you." Dr. Evil decided to chime in.

_That fucking Italian bastard! Why the fuck does he keeps talking?_

Edward frowned a second and then looked over at Jacob and asked him. "As Bella's head of security, what do you think?"

As my sight landed on Jacob, he looked broken. I took a deep breath and was about to pull away when Jacob quickly pulled himself together.

"I think Bella should move into your room. We still have no leads. So we can keep this room as a decoy. I'll setup security cameras and all that shit. I was going to have her move around, constantly changing her hotel room, but since you are offering."

His tone was commanding and stone cold. No hint of any emotion, whatsoever. My heart hurt as I watched him make a call or two on his cell to let security know. It didn't escape my notice that when he looked at me, it was like I was invisible.

Edward's smooth velvety voice brought me back to him. "Love, do you need anything with you right now? Clothes? Toiletries?"

I looked over at Leah, who just smiled at me as she motioned for me to go. "Um, no, I'm all set. Leah, could you take care of everything, please? "

She assented and just like that, everything was settled.

Edward knelt down and gently helped me put on my shoes. He then pulled me with him toward the door. Jacob leaned over and opened it for us and motioned for us to go ahead. When we were halfway out the door, Jacob called for us to stop. He looked behind him and told Felix he would be back in a minute. Jacob came out and shut the door behind him.

Jacob just stood for a long moment and stared at Edward and me. When Edward motioned for me to go on, he spoke out.

"Listen, Bella's made her decision. So don't go and fuck it up. Cause I'll make sure you won't get any more chances." Jacob's voice cracked at the end as he looked at me with his shield completely gone. I felt like someone had poured cold water all over me. He looked so defeated that I suddenly had an urge to reach out and touch him. But before I could, Jacob looked back at Edward and gave him a nod; he then turned and stepped back into the suite.

"Hey, Jacob," Edward called out before Jacob went back inside. He looked down at me with love-filled eyes and then back to Jacob with a stern look. "Thank you for being there to look after her when I couldn't be."

And without waiting for an answer, Edward turned and picked me up into his arms as he started down the hallway. I looked over his shoulder and saw Jacob as he clutched the door knob of the suite door so tightly that the tips of his fingers turned white.

Edward squeezed me around my waist and I looked back at him. "You're not having second thoughts, are you, love? I would hate for you to feel like I pressured you."

I searched his eyes and found the fiery green emerald orbs that I had missed all this time, permeated with desire. I leaned in and kissed him deeply as he tried to get the card key of his suite into the slot.

I giggled against his lips as he fidgeted and fiddled with the door. Once we were finally in the suite, he didn't put me down until he walked me into the bedroom.

"One second, love, I'll be right back." He said as he set me on the bed. Edward walked out of the bedroom and I heard him place an order with room service. I looked around the spacious chamber and found it fairly similar to mine. I glanced at the bedside table and a familiar picture frame caught my eye. I stood up and grabbed it to get a closer look. It was a digital picture frame that had pictures that filter through it. I was taken aback when I realized what the pictures were of.

"You remember when those were taken?" Edward's voice startled me. I didn't turn around but felt his body heat against my back. He had climbed into the bed and pulled me back into his lap. I leaned back against him and felt his arms around me. "Do you?"

"Of course I do," I whispered. It was the first Cullen family vacation after Edward and I had gotten married. We had gone to St. Barts and stayed at the Cullen family villa with everyone. Edward constantly took pictures of everything, but these were pictures I hadn't seen before. I looked up at him from over my shoulder. "I never knew you took these pictures. You never showed them to me."

He smiled down at me as he slid my hair away to one side and pressed a kiss to my neck, right below my ear. "I loved watching you sleep, Bella. I missed waking up with you in my arms. This was the only thing I had left of you, love."

I was speechless. I looked deep into his eyes. "Edward…I..."

There were no words that could convey what I needed to say to him at that moment. I knew only my actions would prove to him that I missed him as dearly as he had missed me. So, I slid off my shoes and started to undo my sweater, all the while I keeping eye contact with him. Edward sat there and watched as I started to undress. I continued to disrobe myself, and I unzipped my skirt and let it fall to the floor. I watched his eyes as they roamed over my body. He took in the sight of me as I stood before him. I slowly reached back and undid the clasp of my bra, when he reached out and pulled me to him.

"Bella, stop. We don't have to do this…let's just take it slow." I looked up at him and tried hard not to feel rejected. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't misread his intentions.

Edward locked eyes with me and he knew instantly what I thought. "It's not that I don't want to-fuck! Don't you think for one second that I don't want to make love to you, Bella. But baby, for once, I am going to do this right."

He quickly pulled off his shirt and started to undo his slacks. As his magnificent figure came into view, my mouth instantly started salivating at the sight of the obvious erection that strained against his boxers. He flung his clothes to the side of the bedroom, not really caring where they landed or the mess he created. He pulled back the covers, and just when I thought he was going to lie down, he came over to me, wrapped his arms around me and trapped me in a loving embrace.

"Bella, just so you make no mistake. You have no idea how much I want to rip your fucking bra and panties off, just so I can make love to you and keep you in my arms forever. But, baby, I swore that if I was ever given the chance to get back with you, I would do everything in my power to do this the right way. Baby, let's take this slow. Let me hold you; just hold you, for now. Let's just lie here, against each other, in this bed together, okay? Let me just hold you, please?"

I swallowed down the deep ball of emotion that was constricting my throat as I heard his words. He was too good to be true and I was a fucking monster. The emotional dam burst and everything spilled out. I suddenly found myself pressed against Edward. He lay down with me and shielded me in his arms and I continued to sob out loud. It was all too much.

Every fiber of my being screamed for me to tell him the truth. It wanted me to scream it out loud-To just believe in him and tell him the truth, the same way he believed in me.

But my fear and stupidity overtook me. So I just lay there and kept my mouth shut, like the coward that I was, and listened to him repeat over and over again that it would be okay, and that the worst was, at last, behind us.

As the eventful evening descended upon us, we left behind the photo shoot and interview that had brought us back together. My eyes grew heavy and I could feel the exhaustion take over me.

Before I let myself go, I had gathered enough courage and murmured against Edward's collarbone. "Forgive me, I just love you so much."


	14. Whispering Truths & Facing Inevitability

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. **

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB beta****'****s and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Fourteen

**Whispering Truths and Facing Inevitability**

I woke up with a start and tried to sit up, but Edward's firm hold on me kept me in place. I had fallen asleep in his arms, but somewhere during the night we had shifted positions. He lay comfortably, with his head on my stomach and his body nestled between my thighs. I relished the weight and warmth his comfortable embrace provided. I lay back and tried to relax, as I let myself marvel in the fact that I was in bed with my husband. His wonderful essence wrapped around me and I let out a deep contented sigh.

As Edward shifted a little , I felt his leg arch over mine and tangle itself around my ankle while his arms pulled me even closer to his body. This intimate snuggle we were in allowed me to feel everything. With every breath he exhaled, I felt a soft breeze against my nipples, and that set my whole body on fire. Slowly, in the middle of all this, I realized his breaths had turned into gentle murmurs of incoherent words. I recognized his troubled sleep, so I softly massaged his scalp with one hand and rubbed his arms with the other. When I felt him relax, I returned my focus to the city lights, as they danced off the ceiling in an array of colors and designs.

I had dreamed of nights like this-every night for four years. When I lay awake in bed, surrounded by darkness and silence, those were the moments when I missed Edward the most. It wasn't just the fact that I had a Greek god ready and able to satisfy my every need twenty-four hours a day; it was the safety and security that I missed every time I was enveloped in his arms.I It was a feeling like no other.

It was a feeling I learned at an early age never to take for granted.

When I was ten years old, Jacob and I resolved to watch a late night rerun of the movie _Halloween part one_. Toward the end of the movie, Jacob got the bright idea to pull a prank on me. So right at the part where Michael Myers slowly comes into view behind his sister, he jumped over the couch and yelled out. I was so freaked out that I clocked him hard in the nose with the bowl of popcorn and screamed at the top of my lungs.

When Charlie flew down the staircase with a determined look and his shotgun fully loaded, Jacob screamed like a little girl and begged Charlie not to kill him. My mother, the cool and collected woman that she was, effortlessly floated into the room and managed to calm my father down enough for him to lower the gun. After cleaning up his nose, Jacob settled down and fell asleep on the couch. Knowing that I was still very overwhelmed, my mother bundled me up and lay next to me in my bed all night reassuring me that Michael Myers was one-hundred percent not real.

That was the first time I needed to be comforted in order to feel safe and secure.

All those thoughts led me back to my first trip to Italy when my mother was still alive. I remembered how I held onto my mother's hand tightly as she helped me off the staircase of the jet that had landed in Volterra, Italy.

We were greeted by Marcus, Uncle Aro's security chief and nephew. He kissed my mother on both of her cheeks and embraced her, stating that he had missed her and it had been too long. I was fourteen at the time, and I had never seen him before. So I knew it must have been quite some time since the last time they had met. When Marcus saw me, he took my hand and kissed it, before he told me that this was going to be a trip that I would never forget. The comment that was meant to excite me, would take on a whole new meaning before long. Little did I know, it would be a long while before I ever would feel safe and secure again.

When I woke up in the hospital, surrounded by people who spoke Italian, I was covered in bandages. They were so tight, that it stung whenever I tried to move. It was the most frightful and painful experience of my short life, second only to the news that my mother was dead. My wounds were extensive; I had second degree burns on my legs, and several bones, including my right arm, my left leg, and two ribs, were broken due to the blast of the explosion that threw me back several feet into the air. I was kept heavily sedated for almost a week. I was first woken up, I remember that I spoke to Charlie on the phone for a few minutes, but when he broke down, overwhelmed by the death of his wife and hospitalization of his daughter. Billy took the phone as my father's sobs filled the air and told me that Uncle Aro was going to make sure that I was okay and then he would accompany me home. It didn't occur to me at the time how odd it was that my own father never tried to come out to Italy to see me himself. He left me to the care of others, something that became oh too common after my mother died.

It was, however, the first time I could remember how out of control I felt. It was the first time I felt fear in expressing what I really wanted.

The first time I came face to face with Uncle Aro was when he came to see me at the hospital, soon after I had finished talking with my father on the phone. His heart melted in grief when he saw me, and he kissed me tenderly on my cheeks right away and then sat down on the extra chair beside my bed. He called me "_M__io giovani amore_. My young love_.__"_ He held my scarred hands as we spoke and did his best to soothe me, while he tried to explain what had happened. Surprisingly, I didn't cry at all. I just looked at him and nodded and, in my own way, I tried to reassure him it wasn't his fault.

From that day on, Uncle Aro always remained close by. He always made himself available, constantly making sure to visit me in Forks, at least once a year. He offered me a strong sense of security. I heard years later that people said it was unheard of for the head of the extended family to dote on a child in such a way. Especially since my mother was considered banished for having had chosen to marry a non-Italian man, who was the chief of police to top it off.

Some people offered explanations such as his lack of children at the time gave me a special place in his heart. Others mentioned that it was his love for Renee that made him treat me like royalty. I, however, knew the truth. While Aro Volturi loved my mother, and yes, he wanted his own children desperately, he also had an ever-present, self-consuming guilt for what happened to my mother. It didn't bother me; on the contrary, he was there for me when I needed him the most, when I needed to feel safe, and have my sense of security reestablished. For that, I would always love him and respect him as if I were his own daughter. Uncle Aro was the only connection I had left to my mother's past, a past she had wanted me to know and the reason why she had brought me to Italy to meet everyone.

I first met Dr. Carlisle Cullen during my initial recovery period in Italy. Uncle Aro explained that he and Carlisle had become friends during the time when they wentto college together and he had wanted to me to meet his old friend. The conversation quickly shifted to the real reason behind Carlisle's visit. Uncle Aro informed me of Carlisle's offer to help me with my skin grafting process at Seattle Children's Hospital. Of course, I had to wait until I was well enough to go home. But I was more than happy to take him up on his proposal since there was no other option available for my extensive burns.

Two months and an intercontinental trip later, I found myself back in Forks. It wasn't long after my return that I discovered my father had shut himself off emotionally. While I understood his grief, because everywhere we looked we saw Mom, my dad just couldn't let it go, and he had let a deep seated anger fester. He blamed Uncle Aro for my mother's death, and for cremating her body. Uncle Aro explained to him many times that he only did it because her body was left unrecognizable, burned to the bone. Instead of understanding Uncle Aro's position, the knowledge of how violent my mother's death had been only made my father's rage deepen even more. So, he went ahead and did the only thing he could to give his last respect to his late wife. He arranged a service and laid the urn inside a full size casket and buried my mother's ashes six feet under.

Since it still hurt to walk or even move, for that matter, because of my burns, I wasn't able to attend my mother's funeral. Half of me was relieved, since I didn't think I could have endured watching my mother's remains being lain to rest, with my wounds still being so fresh. My other half just wasn't ready to see my father's breakdown and utter sorrow. Charlie couldn't understand why I had missed the service. There were moments where even Uncle Aro had put his foot down and told Charlie that I was a just a child in pain and I had suffered her death many times more than Charlie could have ever imagined.

My burns and broken bones were a constant reminder to my father of how much pain my mother must have suffered before she died, even though he was told that she died instantly. My brown hair and familiar features made it hard for him to look at me. When Uncle Aro assumed financial responsibility for my reconstructive skin procedures, my father flipped out. He already felt like he had no control over family matters when Uncle Aro made the arrangements on how to bring my mother back home; added to the fact that he didn't have enough money to take care of his sick daughter as well, and Charlie ended up pushing me away as far as he could. He would never admit it, but he felt he was being replaced. No matter how many times I tried to prove my loyalty to him, Charlie would always throw it in my face that I listened to Uncle Aro over him. I hated that when I accepted Uncle Aro's help, I ultimately hurt my father but it just couldn't be helped. It was what my mother would have wanted for me and I surely didn't want to walk around visually deformed, covered in melted and mangled skin. So I took Uncle Aro's generous offer and compassion, which ended up being the last straw. Charlie shut down and completely cut me off emotionally.

After my first skin grafting session, I opened my eyes and came face to face for the first time with Esme Cullen's beautiful smile. Carlisle and my father were close by, while Esme made sure to ease my mind about everything in regard to the painful and multiple procedures that were yet to occur. She explained how Carlisle came home from Italy and spoke nonstop about Uncle Aro's niece. When Carlisle told her about my mother, Esme decided she needed to give me her instinctual and unconditional maternal touch that I would desperately need to overcome this ordeal. She just hoped I wouldn't mind the company. Until then, I had never really looked at what I lacked in the area of support. It was the first time that I had a maternal figure at my bedside since my mother's death. While no one would be able to take her place, I have to say that if I would have wanted to call any other woman my mother, it would surely have been Esme Cullen.

When I had to go through surgery after surgery, the recovery eventually took its toll on Charlie. I couldn't walk much because it would tear the new skin, so I had to stay in bed for the most part. While he still grumbled and hated my decisions, especially when they went against his opinions, he still tried to be there when he could. But there were only so many days off the Forks' Chief of Police could take. So when I would lie awake, scared to dream my horrible dreams, it was Esme who took over the reins of making me feel secure. She has held her post at my side ever since. When she couldn't be there, she made sure I was always well looked after by someone else. As time went by, it was always Jacob who filled in Esme's position when her own motherly and wifely duties needed tending to. Whether they were at the hospital or at home when she went away to spend the summers and holidays with her children in Chicago, she made sure to call and check that I was doing okay .

But as secure as I felt with each of them- Esme, Uncle Aro, Jacob; the only one who even came close to giving me the security that I had once felt with my mother was Edward.

I still remember meeting him for the first time when I first visited Esme in Chicago. It was the winter right after I began my classes at Washington State. Esme and Carlisle insisted that I try out my hand at Northwestern and asked me to visit them before Thanksgiving. I had never been away from Charlie or my friends from the Rez during that holiday, not since the bombing and all the subsequent recovery process, at least. That made the trip extremely nerve-wracking and exciting all at the same time, because I was finally going to meet Esme's children. I first met Alice at the airport; she and Esme came together to collect me and make me feel welcome. The little pixie was stylish and suave; she engulfed me in a brazen hug and whispered that we were to be sisters and best friends forever. Her over-the-top energy was like a breath of fresh air. By the time we had arrived at their home, they had managed to turn my anxiety around and made me feel comfortable and excited to meet everyone.

After an enjoyable dinner, Alice told me that we were going to go out and meet up with her usual gang. But before we could leave, Alice dragged me to her room and forced me to change over and over until she found the perfect outfit. It was that night that I met Jessica, Lauren, Rose, Jasper, Emmett and Edward.

As I walked into the bar with Alice and was stamped with that dreaded underage stamp on my hand, I realized just how out of place I was. It was filled to the brim with people who obviously knew how to act and be confident around each other. The never-ending sea of faces and people who drank, laughed and danced overwhelmed me. We weaved through the masses until they parted and we were able to join the ladies and some guys that had already arrived. The girls, even Rosalie, didn't hide their appraisal of me. I had immediately grown uncomfortable, but Jasper stood up from the table and introduced himself. His calm nature helped me through the next few hours of inconsequential talk and mandatory getting-to-know-you questions.

When I was coming back from a bathroom break, I slowed down and observed them from afar, witnessing how they laughed and flirted with each other. A few extra guys had joined the table and the ladies seemed to know them well. It was all so surreal that it overpowered me. They hadn't been rude or mean and they hadn't behaved like they were better than me. However, I was known to them as Esme's charity case. They clearly knew what had happened to me and honestly, I had let that little fact get the better of me.

I decided that I had to be alone for a while. I walked over to where there were some empty chairs and sat down. I occasionally glanced over at the lone guy who played pool behind me, but I kept to myself for the most part. When a glass of Coke was put in front of me, I glanced up at the waiter who told me that the man behind me had ordered it. I turned to look over my shoulder and saw him smile at me, before he hit the last ball into the corner pocket. As he walked over to me, he plopped down and asked me what a pretty girl like me was doing in a shitty bar like this. Taken aback by the cheesy and utterly clichéd pickup line, I tried to force my shock into a smile. But in typical Bella fashion, I ended up spitting the Coke I was drinking onto his clothes. It was enough to break the ice and we ended up having an awesome conversation. Oddly enough, I didn't feel too shy or off base when I spoke to him, as I did most of the time with guys I had just met.

Every now and then, I would catch some of the stares of the girls around me. I knew we looked really out of sorts, totally like the odd couple. I was just Plain Jane Bella Swan who was sitting and speaking with a gorgeous man with bronze hair, not forgetting to mention a man who had an amazing body to match. He was beautiful, and I was simple. But it was only for one night, so I resolved to give myself that moment and not over-think it.

Before we knew it, it was one in the morning, and I noticed Alice and the girls as they looked around for me. I looked back towardmy companion as he wrote something on a napkin. He folded it and handed it to me. He quickly ghosted his lips against my cheek and whispered, _"Bye, Bella Swan, hope to see you soon."_

I was shocked as I watched him walk away. I didn't realize until that moment, but until that moment that I hadn't given him my name or even asked his. I looked down at the napkin and saw his phone number. I froze when I saw the elegant name of Edward Cullen written above it. When I looked up quickly and searched for him, I caught him as he watched me with his empowering green eyes right before he walked out the door. I was glued in place until Alice came and apologized for being so caught up with Jasper.

I never told anyone about how I met Edward that night. In fact, I kept it all to myself. Edward came home the next day to visit his parents and to "officially" meet me. He was so graceful and I was amazed at how calm I felt when I was around him. Men, in general, were father figures, protectors or best friends to me. Edward Cullen was the first man I had ever wanted something more from.

I blushed, when I remembered how carefree I became over the course of that holiday. I wanted to kiss a man out of pure lust and desire, and I threw caution to the wind. Edward stole his first kiss from me twenty-three hours after I had first met him. Forty-eight hours later, Edward had kissed me a total of three times. Seventy-two hours later, I had leaned over the console of Edward's car and kissed him deeply before we had to meet up with his friends. One hundred and twenty hours after I first met Edward, we had already passed second base and were fast approaching third. The only reason we had to stop was because Rose ended up catching us as we fooled around in my guest room.

I was so freaked out by being caught that I wouldn't let Edward do anything but kiss me after that. When it came time for me to leave, Edward insisted on seeing me off. At the airport, it was obvious to the family that something was up between us. I didn't know if it was Rose who spilled the beans or if it was the freaky Cullen radar that every Cullen had embedded in their genes. Either way after I was checked in, and Edward had surreptitiously upgraded me to first class, he waited until I had said goodbye to everyone and then reached for me. He kissed me with such passion and devotion that I was taken to heights I never even knew existed. We stood there unabashed in the middle of Chicago O'Hare International, and embracing each other with fierce abandon.

He whispered and promised me that this wasn't just a random thing. Still the physical pain I felt in my heart as I walked away from Edward that day was all too real. I was fine, and I kind of accepted the fact that what I had with Edward was something temporary. I knew if I had dared myself to believe that fairytales could come true, I was certain that the disappointment of false hope would have deeply scarred me.

Despite Edward's statements to the contrary, I took my clandestine Thanksgiving affair for what it was- which was a young girl's fling with an outrageously sexy man who was most definitely out of her league.

I kept this secret close to my heart and was sure that I would able to get away with it, but it wasn't long before I woke up one morning to an angry Charlie, Billy and Jacob as they waited for me in the kitchen.

"_Bella__,__ we need to talk to you, can you take a seat?" I glanced around and was worried by the look I got from Billy. Jacob wasn't even looking at me. _

"_Sure__,__ Charlie, everything ok__ay__?" He took a deep sigh and slid a magazine over to me. _

_On the cover was a picture of me and Edward kissing at the airport, saying goodbye the only way we knew how, at the end of my Thanksgiving break in Chicago. The picture showed him holding me off the ground with my feet dangling and my arms wrapped around his neck. On the bottom right corner__ was a smaller picture of us gazing up at each other with what appeared to be__love in our eyes. The caption read__,__"__Edward Cullen saying goodbye to his latest conquest.__"_

_I felt a blush creep up my cheeks and realized that the cat was out of the bag. There was no way I could lie my way out of it__.__ So I sat calmly and drank my coffee__, as I waited__ for them to break the tension. I was surprised when Jacob was the first one the lash out. _

"_What the hell, Bella? Aren't you even going to say anything? I mean you go away to see Esme and start an affair with her son? Tell us it isn't true__?__" I caught his eyes, which were coal black and fierce. _

"_I am sorry, Jacob__,__ but what would you like me to do? Lie?" I heard everyone gasp, and then realized what I __has said. _

"_W__-what the hell, Bella__?" Jacob jumped up and pounded his fists on the table. Charlie put a hand on his shoulder. _

"_I think it's time for Bella and I to have a talk. Billy, Jacob can you give us some time, please?" Jacob __stared __ at me and then turned and wheeled his dad out with him__. He made sure his anger was still remembered, because he slammed the__ door on his way out. I looked over at Charlie who stood with his arms crossed __as he watched me closely, with his s__tandard Chief of Police look. "Ok__ay, kiddo__, start from the beginning."_

It was the most uncomfortable conversation I ever had with Charlie. Of course, I decided to skip around the edges and spare Charlie the details of my make out sessions with Edward. But I did acknowledge my true feelings for him. I even went as far as letting Charlie know that it was just a one-time thing and that Edward Cullen hadn't even attempted to call me, so there was nothing to worry about. Charlie forgave me, especially when he found out that Edward had been my first real kiss.

Later when we went to the reservation, I sat and tried to explain myself to Jacob. I remembered how mad he was at me. He paced his room and told me that I needed to be careful of Edward Cullen and his type-that he was a vulture and would eat naïve girls like me up for breakfast. When he sat next to me and asked me if Edward called, my emotional bubble broke and I confessed how I hadn't even received an email. In true Jacob fashion, he jumped to my defense and told me that Edward Cullen was going to regret the day he had let a great girl, like me, go.

Esme and Alice called often, but they both made sure to never mention Edward's name. Esme had asked me only once if I was okay after the tabloid had come out. I lied and told her that I was fine and got a good laugh at the crazy things people assumed.

I wished I could say that I stayed true to my devotion to Edward, but honestly at nineteen years old the idea that a twenty-one year old man, the very definition of sex personified, would even give me the time of day was just ridiculous. So, when school started up again after the New Year, I, Isabella Swan, was determined to focus on school and put Edward Cullen behind me.

I soon found that my task of trying to forget Edward would be harder than I had first imagined. Mainly because upon my return to school, the little tabloid article had made its way around and everyone seemed to know who I was. While the paparazzi didn't follow me around, I definitely attracted a lot of attention from students all around campus. That was when I decided to dip into the social scene and tried my hand at dating.

To summarize that period of time-it was a total failure. While I never discriminated on the social status of the guys I went out with, it became very clear that having had my picture taken with Edward had given most men the idea that I was an easy lay. So a few kisses and lots of one-time-only dates later, I found myself back to square one. Alone.

When I went home for Spring Break, everything changed. I remember Jacob drove me home from First Beach and we laughed about something that happened between Sam and Emily. When we turned the corner, I saw a black Mercedes parked outside my house. As we pulled up, Alice came into view as she sat on the porch steps with Edward.

I remembered Jacob asked me if I was okay, but I didn't answer. I just opened the truck door and stepped out carefully as I watched Edward. He suddenly ceased his conversation with Alice and stood up when he saw me. I had taken just two small steps and froze in place while he just stood there, at the top step of the porch. He was just as beautiful as I remembered.

I couldn't help but smile when I felt the nerves race through me. But I threw caution to the wind and decided that I was going take whatever Edward offered. I ran up those steps and up into his open arms, as Edward pressed his face into my hair and he took a deep shuddering breath. He whispered how much he had missed me and he was terribly sorry that he hadn't called. I remember my silent tears of joy as they trailed down my face as he lifted me up off of the ground. I wrapped my legs around him in a moment of pure elation at his confession. I didn't care that he didn't call, that he didn't write. I didn't care that I had promised myself so many times that the next time I saw him, I would be dignified and aloof. Most of all, I didn't care that I was literally hanging off a man's neck in front of his sister and my best friend, on my father's front porch. I reminisced about that time, so many years ago, when all that mattered was that I was in Edward's arms again—the safest and most cherished place on earth to me.

As the memories slowly faded and my reality came into focus, I took a deep breath and wiped away the stray tears that had fallen down my face. I knew I had to tell Edward about Italy and the baby. But, God, I didn't know how. I looked down as he slept completely at peace against my body.

I took a deep breath and whispered a silent prayer before I spoke out loud and clear.

"Edward, I have to talk to you." I felt Edward make no noise or movement, so I continued.

"I want to tell you, I'm sorry. I was stupid, I overreacted and ran away, because it's what I always end up doing. I love you, Edward. I love you with the fiercest passion within my soul. I swear to you, I never meant for any of this to happen. If I could, I would go back in time, I swear. I would ask to be sent back to that fateful night. Actually, I would settle for any time within that week. I don't know how, but I wish I would have listened. God, what I'm trying to say is, I would have stayed and l would have believed you. I know you feel that you made mistakes, too, but my love, I made the most and far more terrible. Even if you were cheating on me…"

My voice cracked. But I steadied my mind and forced myself to continue.

"Even if you were cheating on me, I shouldn't have run away. I needed to tell you why I came home early. I needed you to know that I was pregnant, Edward."

The tense butterflies in my stomach started going insane. I felt a horrible tension slowly start to unravel itself within me.

"That is why I came home early, Edward. I wanted to tell you the good news. But instead, after I saw that woman naked, in our bed, I ran. I thought I was calm enough to come home the next day, but when you…but when you said there was no one in our bed…I lost it. I know what I saw… Edward. Honestly, I don't even know what you said after that. I'm so sorry I didn't even try to hear what you had to say. I'm so sorry I didn't even give you the proper chance to explain; I just packed and ran away. I'm sorry for it all. But I need you to know. I was coming home. Edward, I was coming home to you. We flew out from Volterra, but we needed to stop off in Rome cause of some trouble with the engine. Edward, I saw a picture on a tabloid cover with you and her-the woman from that night- and I ran, once again. I tried to stop running when I regained my senses, but someone accidently pushed against me or I don't know which. And I fell down the stairs. I couldn't protect myself or the baby. Oh God, Edward, I am _so_ sorry."

I felt him stir and I panicked, thinking he had heard my impromptu admission but his breathing remained even and I took a deep breath in utter relief. When Edward moved again, he slipped his hands down the side of my body and gripped my thigh, as he pulled my leg over his waist. He murmured as he hugged me closer. Even in his sleep he was completely aware of my body and how pliant I was in his hands.

Thoroughly enamored by his affectionate demeanor, I tightened my hold on his body and filtered my fingers through his hair. I thought to continue my cowardly confession, but instead listened to his soft snores. That was when I realized that was all I had in me in that moment. I cried silently and kissed his hair. I felt solace in the fact that, I had been able to say the words out loud. Now all I had to do was say the words to Edward when he was awake. I slowly moved him back from our embrace, and moved us to rest on our sides as I snuggled lower to rest my head against his chest.

Edward quickly enveloped me in his arms and molded his body around mine in our new position. I took a deep breath, kissed his chest, and smiled as I heard him mumble my name.

I drifted off in a restful sleep to the beats of his heart.

I woke in the morning to Edward pressed against me, with his erection at full attention as it brushed up against my heat. I moaned as I slowly regained my consciousness and felt Edward knead my bare breasts. I almost shot up when I felt him squeeze my breasts together and suck on the hardened tips.

"Edward…I…" A moan escaped me as he continued his pleasurable assault on me. He caught my hooded eyes and smiled as he took painfully slow sucks of my peaks which he then proceeded to soothe by tonguing my nipples. He kept his steady rhythm and alternated the cycle between pleasure and pain. I filtered my fingers through his hair, and took a panting breath as he quickly squeezed my breasts together again and took a longer suck of each. His gaze never left mine, and I watched him as he gauged my reactions to his teasing foreplay.

I clamped down on his arms as he kissed and nipped at the tips of my nipples.

"Bella," he whispered in between sucks. "Put your hands above your head, love. Don't move."

My eyes widened a bit, but I complied with his request. I watched as he resumed his steady seduction of my tits, and moaned with every single pass he made at them.

I swallowed deep breaths and panted, while he quickly kneaded and teased them. My body jerked suddenly when I felt his fingers slip underneath my panties to meet my wet folds.

My hands suddenly grasped his shoulders and I arched my back, bringing myself closer to his touch.

"Fuck. I said don't move your hands, Bella." His voice was commanding and firm. I quickly brought my hands back above my headand watched his dominating stare slowly soften into a lust-filled smile.

He slowly hooked his fingers along the outer edge of my soaking panties and slipped them down. I watched his face as he followed with his eyes and hands their descent off my body. He grasped the moist satin material and threw them behind his shoulder and brought himself back to me. Edward towered over my form as he leaned in and whispered.

"Just as perfect as I remembered, Bella."

He kissed and licked my breasts everywhere while he slid, two long fingers into me. I instinctively spread my legs wider which allowed him to plunge them even deeper. I felt him curve his fingers inside of me, and I let out a throaty moan as Edward hit all the right angles.

"Oh, Fuck! Edward!" I arched my back as I slid my fingers into my own hair and fisted my brown locks in pent up release.

Edward leaned in close and rested his mouth near my ear. He brushed his fingers softly up and down my jaw, when I let out moan after moan he whispered "I've missed you like this, Bella. I can't fucking wait to be inside of you, love. Let go and feel this."

I looked into his eyes, his love and devotion left him completely open and on display. I loved this man so much. I kept my eye contact with him as he watched me melt away piece by piece at the strumming of his fingertips inside of me. The pressure in my core was almost unbearable, and it was as if he knew I was close because he slowed down his strokes and suddenly stopped all together.

"Edward, no! Please don't stop!" I screamed to him. Edward just smiled and brought his moisture-laced fingers to his lips and sucked them into his mouth. He moaned in delight as he licked all of my wetness off of his long fingers.

"Love, do you actually think that after all this time I would let you comewith just my fingers?" I watched his eyes as he slowly looked up and down the length of my body. He kissed my thighs before he slowly lifted them and bent them at the knee.

"Edward…" I moaned when he sat back on his knees and massaged circles into my thighs with his hands as he spread them farther apart. He kneeled down and alternated between kisses and licks in between my thighs. His hands moved under my ass as he brought them slowly up and around my hips to spread open my wet folds to him. I propped myself up on my elbows and watched as he slowly sank his tongue into me.

From the moment I felt his warm, exciting and magic tongue on my clit, I was a women possessed. My thoughts suddenly clouded, my breathing labored, and my ability to speak was snatched away. The throaty moans and wild screams of desire that Edward pulled from me were pure magic.

"Fuck, Bella, you taste so goddamn sweet." he moaned against me. "Let me hear you, love, don't you fucking hold back."

His tongue returned to my wet center and I screamed loudly, without hesitation. I dropped my head back as Edward licked and sucked my heat. I could felt the untwisting of knots inside of me- a pure passion-filled tension kept growing. I clung to the soft bed sheets as he calmly slipped two fingers into me again, while he used his teeth to tease my center. My moans grew louder as he quickened the pace of his tongue and fingers. As he arched his fingers and started to stroke me where he knew I would completely crumble, I felt his mouth leave me and I moaned for his return.

"Bella, love. Just let go and cum for me, Bella. I love you so much. Give me your love, baby, please." He whispered against my pussy and sent thrills of excitement over my sensitive clit with every word he exhaled.

I felt my elbows give out and had no control or strength over my body. I felt his arms tighten around my thighs while he glued himself to my weeping pussy. I lay flat on my back, completely spread over his unrelenting mouth as he drove his tongue deeper into me. The tightly strung tension inside of me started to swiftly unravel, and I did as he asked; I let myself go entirely.

"Oh God, Edward, I'm…" I screamed as I felt the desire pour out of me. My breathing became erratic and my toes curled as the sensation flowed through me and left me floating in a state of ecstasy and extrication. Edward stayed in position and continued to stroke me with his fingers until the last of my internal pulses had stopped. I raised my hands weakly for him, dropped my spent legs from around his shoulders and pulled him up to me. I kissed him wildly as I ran my hands over his shoulders and around his neck. I welcomed his weight upon me, and in this new position, I could clearly feel his very hard erection from under his boxers as it rubbed against my inner thigh.

My mind was a blur, but the desire to give him the same type of rapture overwhelmed me. I slowly ran my hands down his chest and stomach. I carefully trailed my nails upon his hard muscles which I knew he loved. I didn't stop until I reached inside his boxers and caressed his heated hard member. It was pure heaven when I touched him this way. If felt perfect. Edward sucked in a deep breath as I palmed his cock in my hands and coated the head with pre-cum. I tortured him as I stroked him up and down slowly.

"Bella…God…Fuck." Edward moaned and quickly sat back, as he pulled my hand out of his boxers. "No, love, not now. This is about you, only you."

He kissed my fingers and leaned in for a slow kiss.

"Edward, please let me. I want you. I want to show you my love too," I whispered against his lips. He just shook his head and kissed me deeply before he replied.

"No, Bella, I know I said I was going to take it slow but I had to taste you, love. I'm so sorry; I just couldn't wait for it, I crave you. I love you so much."

He laid his head next to mine and settled in bed, laying side by side. We kissed softly and gazed lovingly into each other's eyes. I was close to drifting off again when Edward's cell phone started to ring. He groaned in the pillow and reached around to grab the phone off the nightstand.

"Fuck… It's business. I'm sorry, love, I have to take this." I waved Edward off and I heard him answer the phone as he wandered outside the bedroom. I lay back and thought about what had just happened. I rolled over and grabbed the sheets around me.

My body was still freshly flushed, remainder of the desire that Edward had brought out of me. I covered myself loosely and pulled the sheets with me as I padded my way to the bathroom. I started the shower and turned to look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I let go of the sheets and let the soft cotton texture slide down my body. I ran my hands over my soft and tender nipples, still erect from Edward's devotion. I rubbed my hands down the front of my stomach and down the sides of my hips in a circular motion. I turned to the side a little and, in a completely vanity move, saw that my perky ass was still perfectly rounded. I glanced up at my face and was taken aback by the woman that who stared back at me. I walked forward and glanced into my eyes.

Gone were the dark circles that usually outlined my almond shaped eyes; gone was the dull, pasty skin that outlined my body. My hair was no longer threaded in straggly strands. I was amazed, because I looked like I glowed. No! I felt like I shimmered in my reflection. My eyes were alive, the vacant look gone. My hair was wild and bushed, much like an unkempt bird's nest as a result of the morning's activities. My face and body were illuminated with what I like to call "freshly fucked" aura that could only be brought on by the thrilling tongue, mouth and fingers of one Edward Cullen. While I could have told myself, it was the spa facials and hair treatments that made me glow -sorry, that made me _dazzl_e-I knew that deep down inside what I radiated wasn't anything that could be bought in stores or contained in a jar. I knew that what made me shine could only be brought on by _magic_, the kind of _magic_ that only Edward's love possessed.

I dried my hair, lifted my head back up and slipped on my head band. I walked into the bedroom and looked for something to wear. I searched around for my things but found nothing and I certainly didn't want to wear the clothes I used yesterday. I walked into Edward's closet and slipped on his dress shirt. I folded up the sleeves as I exited the room, and I began to button up the shirt.

"Edward, have you seen my cloth—" I stopped dead in my tracks, and stared at Jacob who faced me while he spoke on his cell. I watched as his eyes descended from my face and started to take in the rest of my body. I noticed as he caught the visible gap at the unbuttoned section of Edward's dress shirt that left the top of my breasts exposed. I felt so self-conscious, but I quickly recovered myself and finished buttoning the last of the buttons. He didn't let my movements distract him as he continued his gaze down to my very visible legs. Once he finished his insolent tour of my body, his eyes went up back to settle at my hips. While I knew I was covered, it was almost like he could tell that I didn't have my underwear on underneath it. As he locked his darkened eyes with mine once again, I felt my skin burn with my blush.

_Great. If he didn't fucking know that you didn't have any panties on before, he sure as fuck knows now!_

I lowered my gaze, and didn't dare look back at him.

"Yeah, so Embry, tell Charlie we got it covered. Okay? And keep the place scouted. Yeah, even the motels and rental car agencies. Okay man. Yeah, I'll tell Bella."

I heard his phone snap shut. I bit my lower lip and chanced a look up at him. His eyes had turned sad but he held his gaze steady. The uneasiness I had in the pit of my stomach consumed me, yet I couldn't help but maintain the staring contest we had somehow started. I shifted uneasily from one foot to the other, while he just stood there with his hands on his hips.

"Planning on wearing any clothes anytime soon, Bella?" I heard him say with a whimsical smirk. That silly banter made me smile because it made me realize he was still the same old Jacob Black, my confidant and best friend that had been there for me my entire life.

"Shut up, Jacob. I was looking for the stuff that Leah said she would be sending over."

"Oh yeah, I brought it." He quickly stepped around the bar, walked to the foyer and quickly picked up my suitcase. "Leah said that she packed something in here that you really needed to take a look at."

I smiled, intrigued by what Leah had said, and I took the heavy case from him. "Thanks, Jacob. Do you know where Edward is?"

"Um…He's on the balcony."

I quickly shuffled my way back to the bedroom. I pulled the bagup onto the bed, and extracted a pair of yoga pants. As I slipped them on, I quickly called for Jacob.

"Yeah, Bella? You decent yet?" I heard him laugh.

"Whatever, jack-ass! Get in here! How is Charlie? And tell me what've you found out." I gestured for him to take a seat near the balcony door.

"Found out about what?" Jacob unclipped his walkie-talkie and cell and placed them on the nearby table as he sat down. I turned and gave him a look as I started to pick out clothes for the day.

"What did you find out about the person who's trying to off me? What did you find out about the person who stole my mom's gravestone?" I asked the obvious in an irate tone. I tried to calm myself down a bit, before I continued. "Also, I am thinking about giving Charlie a call. I know it isn't the holidays or a birthday, but I feel I need to talk to him about this myself. You know, make sure he is okay."

I walked into the bathroom and laid out a navy shirt dress with a matching thick belt on the counter and placed my open toe pumps next to them. I grabbed a hair brush, and I walked back out into the bedroom to see Jacob as he stood over my suitcase by the bed. I saw his side profile as he reached into it and grabbed something. I couldn't clearly see what he was doing until he lifted up my red satin night slip in front of him.

I froze. I didn't know what to think.

I wanted to quickly call him out on it and say something snarky about his being a pervert. But the look in his eyes however, caught me off guard. The slow steady breaths he took seemed to be more in an effort to gather courage to hold back emotion, than to collect necessary air. The Jacob that stood before me was so different than the fun-loving and carefree man I had always known. I saw him close his eyes as he brought my red slip close to his face. The look he held had so much longing and desire. It was like Jacob Black, my childhood best friend, had left and a complete stranger had taken his place.

I was about to make some comment to let him know I was there, but then he dropped the red slip and reached down and picked up my _The Old Man and the Sea_ . I watched as he slowly started leafing through it. His fingers suddenly picked up a sealed letter and he took a long look at it. From the shocked look on his face, I could tell he had found the single letter that Edward had managed to get through. I saw his shoulders droop as he slipped the letter back in the book and plopped it back into my suitcase.

"Done snooping, you perv?" I whispered. Jacob's head snapped back at me. His face was full of fear at being caught so flagrantly. I shook my head and walked up to the suitcase and grabbed the book.

"Bella, it's not what it looks like."

"So what you are saying is, it didn't look you were going through my clothes and sniffing my night slip? It didn't look at all like you were snooping through my personal things and finding the one letter that you couldn't stop from finding its way to me?" I stood back, looking at him with my arms crossed.

"Jesus, Bella, I'm sorry."

"For what? For doing it or for getting caught? This is really messed up, Jacob. What the hell is going on with you? I thought you promised that you were over doing shady shit."

"Goddamnit, Bella, I told you I was sorry. I told you, I only did what I thought was right."

"Like keeping my husband's letters of love and devotion from me when I was wasting away into mental oblivion? Yeah, that was really you showing your deep concern for me."

We both took a few steps toward each other, and stood toe to toe. I arched my neck up to look into his heated eyes as he towered over me, and held an equally fierce stance.

"Stop it, Bella! You have no idea how hard the situation was at the time. I mean, you're the one who told me what Edward did…"

"What I _thought_ he did!" I corrected him.

"You were the one who told me to get you out of there. You were the one who wanted to run. It's interesting how fucking selective your memory gets when you decide you want to play martyr. But you know what? That's fine. Be the fucking drama queen that you always are! It's okay. I'll deal with this shit when it hits the fan just like I always do."

"What the hell does that mean? What are you trying to say? Don't fucking beat around the bush, Jacob. Just man up and tell me."

He looked toward the door and then back at me. I could see his teeth clenching and his jaw twitch. He shook his headas he mumbled something under his breath.

"Why can't you just man up and tell me, Jacob? What is it that you are going to have to deal with?"

He grabbed me and pulled me up to my tip toes to get me close to his face as he unleashed his visual fury.

"Fuck you, BELLA. You wanna know? Fine, I will fucking tell you. I was looking through security footage, hoping to place the person or personswho trashed your suite when, huh funny, I find a video with Eddie boy in one of the north stairwells talking to someone. Now, the time and date show that he met this individual some time after the meeting you had with him and Felix about the divorce."

"What the fuck are you saying, Jacob? That Edward put a gravestone in my room? That thing weighed a fucking ton! There is no way he could have done that!" I screamed.

"It was who he was talking to that I found interesting, Bella. It was Victoria _fucking_ Newman."

I stepped back and tried to squirm my arms away from him, as I shook my head furiously.

"No! No! No! Jacob, you lie! You are a fucking liar! No way! Edward was shocked when he saw her yesterday…there is no way…" My heart beat a mile a minute. I tried to flip through my memory, as I tried to analyze his face, his voice, anything, that could help me figure out the truth.

_Think this out, Bella, you have to think! He told you that nothing had happened with Victoria. Remember__?__ He promised. Right?_

"Bella, there is something else I think you need to see." Jacob slipped a glossy folded paper into my hands. "I did some digging on her."

My hands shook as I took the paper and slowly opened it. The bright and color pictures were so intense it took me a minute to even focus. I gasped and shook my head slowly when I realized where this was from. I couldn't believe it. I knew I had seen her somewhere before, I just hadn't realized it until now. I felt Jacob tighten his hold on my arms as he slowly pulled me to his chest. A deep pain flashed through my heart and lungs, it made it hard for me to breathe. I held back my sob as my lower lip and chin quivered.

"Bells, calm down. Please. Listen to me. It is just a picture; all the background checks indicate that he met her while you were away. We don't know anything else. So remember, Bella, looks can be deceiving. You have to be strong and ask him. Please, Bella, just ask him. Be calm about it and listen to him. You know that if I had any proof that he had already slept with her, I wouldn't be here talking to you; I'd be here making you pack."

I let out a sob and rubbed my face with my hands when I felt small tears start to stream down.

_He didn't do anything wrong, you left him. Remember?__ Do I believe him?_

"Please, Bells, hold it together. For all we know, it is just another picture."

"I know, Jacob, I know… it's just… it's just…. It's all my fault." My knees started to give way as I sank to the ground.

"Don't you dare say that! Don't you dare," he stammered.

"No, it is. Even if he fucked the tramp six million ways to Sunday, I left him. He was free. I can't…I can't hold it against him."

Jacob let out a strangled laugh. "Why do you do this? Why do you always take on the blame?"

"Can you seriously look me in the eye and tell me that this is not my fault, Jacob?" I saw the expression on his face and held a hand out. "Forget it, don't answer that. You wouldn't blame me even if you watched me murder someone in cold blood."

I picked myself up from the floor and walked to the balcony window. I pulled back the drapes and saw Edward pace back and forth as he spoke on his cell. When he saw that I watched him, he stopped close to my window and blew me a kiss. He kept his eyes on me while he spoke, and mouthed "sorry." He flicked his wrist to look at his watch and gestured it would only be one more minute. I gave him a smile and nodded. Then, he walked away as I leaned my forehead against the cool and smooth glass.

"I have to tell him about the baby, Jacob. I don't know how. I'm so scared he is going to leave me. I love him, and after everything that's happened, I know that if he left me now, Jacob, I know that I wouldn't survive it. "

"While I am not an expert on Edward Cullen, Bella, I am an expert on reading situations where people's lives depend on it."

I turned to face Jacob and watched as he reached over to grab my book and slip out the unopened letter that Edward had sent me a year after I had officially left him. Jacob looked at the letter closely and walked over to hand it to me. I looked up at him in confusion.

"I'm a bastard, and a low fucking excuse for a best friend. But I am damn fucking good at my job. I don't let things slip, especially when it comes to you."

I mulled over Jacob's words, thinking about what he had said. He had slipped once already.

"Fuck, Bella, I know what you are thinking. Yeah, okay, I fucked up, but Bells, this situation with the divorce and Edward-It threw me off my game, I didn't think that…You have no idea how much I hate myself right now thinking about what could have happened."

I shook my head and waved my hand for him to stop. "It's not your fault, Jacob. How were you to know that someone would be after me? This is all coming out of left field."

Jacob held my eyes and gave me a tight lipped nod.

I looked down at the letter that he had laid in my hands. It made me realize that it wasn't by some freak accident that Leah had received my mail that day when she gave it to me. I swallowed deep when I took in that Jacob had intentionally let this letter reach me.

"You hid everything he sent me, why would you want me to have this one? Did you read it?" my voice soft but laced with venom.

Jacob's miserable eyes bore into mine; everything about his face screamed hurt and pain but I didn't let it influence me. I kept my angry gaze locked to his face.

"Maybe? Maybe not?" he said with a shrug. "But it was the last letter he sent. I know this because he sent a letter every two days since the time he came to Italy looking for you."

I looked down at the letter in my hands. The edges of the envelope were a little bent and pressed on from being kept inside a book for so long. My hand trembled as I slowly turned it over and saw no visible signs that it had been opened and resealed.

"Read it, Bella. I think the fear that you feel inside right now, the thought that he might leave you, I think your husband has a good idea about what that feels like. If I were in his shoes and realized, that after a year of waiting for my love to come back to me, that I was going to lose her anyway-I think that I would at least want her to know I loved her, even if it was just one last time. It would kill me if didn't get to tell her just how much she meant to me. I would want her to know how much I needed her, and how much I would have forgiven her anything. Well, you get the picture."

Jacob's voice was deep with emotion and cracked at the end as he stepped back and turned his back to me.

"I'm gonna keep Edward occupied outside for a while. I think it's time you read that letter, it's long overdue." I watched as he walked to exit the room but before he left, he turned back to look at me. "And you're right, Bella. I wouldn't fault you if you committed murder. I'd bury the body and clean up the mess, and if the police still found out? I'd hide you and confess to doing it myself."

When I heard the door click shut, I took a deep breath and processed everything he said. I sat down on the edge of the bed, numb after all I had witnessed. I started to tear away the seal of the letter that would without a doubt affect my current state of mind. As I took a deep breath and held the pages upon pages of neatly handwritten script in my hands, there were four things about which I was absolutely sure.

First, Jacob Black was in love with me, and it tore me apart to know that I could never love him back. Second, I was willing to accept and forgive anything Edward had written in this letter. I had to remember, it was the last letter he penned and it could have a million different emotions plastered on it. Third, I had to ask him about Victoria Newman and if she was indeed, more than just a friend-if she was his lover, I would accept it and forgive anything he had done during these last four years. I could never fault him for having had moments of weakness while I was gone. I left him with no hope of reconciliation. The fourth and final thing was that before the sun went down on this day, I had to confess to Edward everything that happened to our baby.

I took a deep breath and started to read.

_To my Darling Bella, _

_Forgive me…._

A/N: ***HIDING BEHIND SOFA*** please, please don't hate me. I swear. I swear she will tell us everything about the letter in the next chapter as well as tell Edward about the baby!

_Mio Giovani Amore:_ _My Young Love_


	15. You've Made Your Bed

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. **

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

****This is an Emo-filled chapter****

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**You've Made Your Bed...**

_To My Darling Bella,_

_Forgive me, but this will be my last letter to you. I just don't know what to do anymore. The pain I feel inside grows more and more unbearable every day I spend away from you. __I have tried to be stoic, to be cold and unfeeling, but the pain of how you left is a flesh wound that just won't heal. __ Every day that we spend apart, I come closer to the realization that you aren't coming back to me. It shatters me to the core to even think about it, let alone to write these words. I pray fervently that I am wrong, but somehow, deep down inside, I don't think I am._

_Am I right, Bella? _

_Please, love, just come back to me. My whole world has come to a standstill. Nothing brings me comfort, and absolutely nothing brings me hope. I can't eat. I can't sleep. Not a day goes by without your presence in my thoughts. _

_I have written over two hundred letters to you this year; can't you see how desperately I want you back? Can't you see how much you mean to me? Why won't you answer me? Why are you torturing me this way? I miss you, baby. I miss you terribly. There is a lead weight in my chest; it's where my heart used to beat for you-and only you. Since you've been gone, I can't even feel it beat anymore; it just lies there, within the confines of my ribcage, like a dead weight, rotting away until you return. _

_The loss of you in my life, the fact that you willingly walked away, is a fate worse than death for me. While death comes to us all, and almost none of us have a choice in the matter, you walked out on me knowing what you were doing. While in death there is some sense of closure, without you in my world, knowing that you are out there somewhere and without me-it's just pure agony. _

_The hardest part by far is waking up every morning, alone in our bed. The nights are always long and fitful without the weight of you in my arms. I miss your enchanting scent and how it would enrapture me whenever I used to walk through the house. I miss the whimsical tone of your voice as I used drag myself through the day and come home to hear it. I miss you, Bella, plain and simple. _

_Please, Bella, I'm begging you, come home to me or let me come to you. I am on my knees imploring you to forgive me and just take me back. I swear I didn't cheat on you. Never once, since the moment I laid my eyes on you at Dudley's when I was playing pool, have I ever thought of touching and loving another woman. _

_I am not a religious man, Bella, you know this, but all the proof I needed that God truly did exist came to me in the form of you. I never believed in love at first sight; I never believed that I could be worthy of the kind of love and longing that my parents and siblings had. I was a wandering lost soul, who believed he would die alone without ever feeling complete. Isabella, the moment I looked at you, everything in my world shifted on its axis and everything finally made sense; everything that I ever longed for was suddenly right in front of me. I finally realized that my aimless wandering, my emotionless routine, was all because I was lacking you. _

_Bella, we have been through so much together. How you can you think the worst of me? How can you not take me at my word? Have I ever given you a single reason to doubt me? I know what you're thinking. You will bring up the fact that I never contacted you after we first met, that I waited so long to even come and find you. _

_I have explained it to you so many times before, and I will explain it to you forever if I have to. I'd convinced myself at the time that I wasn't good enough. I had done so many things in my life that I was not proud of that I didn't want to taint you. And then, the tabloids wanted my comment on you. Believe me, I worked so hard to stop the story from coming out, but well, we both know how that turned out. When I thought of calling you, deep feelings of guilt and humiliation for dragging you into my world just overtook me. And when I finally came to my senses and went to see you face to face-don't you remember what you did? You understood. You forgave me. And I promised never to pull myself away from you again. You made me promise to talk things through with you if I ever had any doubt about us again. _

_Bella, now it's you who had pulled away. Why won't you even talk to me? Bella, it has been a full year since you left and I pray it's not too late. Love, I know for me it will never be too late. I love you, Bella, and I want you back in any way you'll have me. _

_If you are afraid of what is to come, love, don't be. There's truly nothing to worry about, there's nothing that we can't overcome. I love you too much to let you go without really talking about what happened. Just give us a chance. Please, if you love me, the least you can do is talk to me. Let me see you. I know we can work this out. _

_If, for any reason, you have already been with someone else during our time apart and you're afraid of how I might react, you really don't need to worry about it. Love, we will work through it. You have always amazed me with your understanding nature and your ability to look at the overall picture. How can I not give that to you in return? You don't even have to tell me about it; I just want you back. That's all I want; that's all I truly care about. Is that so hard to understand? _

_Bella, I know Aro was just torturing me when he said that you had moved on and even implied that you had taken a lover. I know you, Bella. I know you wouldn't do that to me. Right? I know that you respect me and our marriage enough to come and tell me to my face if such a thing ever happened. Again, love, I am begging you to come back to me. I am begging you to give us another chance. I swear I will move heaven and earth if that is what you want. Bella, you are my soul, my life, the reason for my existence. _

_Do you remember me, Bella? Do you miss me, Bella? Don't you remember us? Don't you miss us? I remember everything. _

_I remember the first time I made love to you; you were so scared, but you stubbornly wouldn't let it show. Remember how I kissed your eyelids and told you that you weren't able to hide anything from me? Your eyes showed me everything you felt that night, and I used them to navigate my way around your body. _

_Do you remember the first time we stepped out into society after our engagement was announced? You tried on the ten different dresses that Alice had sent over for the occasion. And then, when you finally settled on that black halter dress with those sparkly shoes, you were so scared that you looked tacky. But Bella, like I told you that night, you were perfect. _

_Do you remember when we had to talk to Charlie about you wanting him to give you away at the wedding? You were so heartbroken when he refused. _

_Do you remember the doubts you had about our marriage? Whether we could make it or not? I told you that nothing in this universe could keep us apart. Our destinies were written in the stars and the gods above existed solely for the sake of our love. I meant it, Bella. We were made for each other. I still believe there's a chance for us. I still believe that we can have the happily ever after we promised to each other during our wedding vows. _

_I love and miss you, Bella, more than anything. I miss your essence, the feel of your skin, the light in your eyes when you smile. I miss holding you in my arms at night. I miss waking up and taking long and deep whiffs of your hair. I miss watching you take a shower and brushing your teeth. I miss everything big and small that has to do with you, Bella. I still believe we can reach the life we always wanted to have together. _

_Deep inside, a big part of me feels that my efforts are in vain; your silence in all matters that concern us has come across, ironically, loud and clear. I want you to know that while you gave up and walked away from us, I am not ever going to give up on loving you. _

_In this letter, I have given you my undying promise. So now, I leave it all in your hands; it is for you to decide where the future of our relationship resides. While I have chosen to stop pestering you with my words in written form, my heart will always be open and ready to pick up our love where it was left off. _

_Bella, no matter how much time goes by, I will always love you. My life began the day I met you, and as far as I'm concerned, my life ended the minute you were gone from it. I pray with all my heart that you still love me and don't find my efforts too pathetic. I hope you still cherish the love we once shared. We can have it all, my love, it is not too late. For me, it will never be too late. I'm willing to give anything your heart desires and more, so much more. _

_Give me one more chance to make you happy, and I swear I will make our love last forever. _

_Waiting for you, my love. _

_Your Edward _

The tears filtered down my face and plopped onto the pages I held. They smudged the delicate script that was Edward's handwriting. I shook my head and held back a loud sob that threatened to escape me.

_You are so stupid! Heartless! Immature! What have you done?_

I sank down to the ground and held myself around the waist as I shook my head. How stupid could I have been? I walked out on him. I ignored him. I ran away knowing I was pregnant. I did all this to the man who I had sworn that I loved. And what did he do when I behaved in such an atrocious manner? He wrote me letter upon letter and declared his undying love for me. He wrote about his devotion and our happy times. He never once questioned my intentions or motives; he just wanted me back. Edward truly loved only me.

_What is wrong with you? You have taken the adoration and security from the one man who truly loved you and you have thrown it back at him with both hands!_

All of sudden I couldn't breathe anymore. I felt my chest tighten and gasped for air. I took long and steady breaths to calm myself down, but it didn't seem to help. The ache within me didn't want to leave. I couldn't help it as my sobs poured out of me. The nausea rolled through me in waves as I jerked to my feet and ran into the bathroom. I held my head over the toilet and as the dry heaving subsided, I covered my mouth and sat with my back against the wall.

_You have to tell him. How? How can I tell him? Oh my God, he will leave me!_

My tears blurred my vision, and I leaned my head back against the cool bathroom wall.

_Calm down. Edward will forgive you. Eventually maybe, but you have to try. _

As my thoughts raced between panic and mayhem, my heart threatened to beat its way out of my chest. I slowly dragged myself up to the vanity and washed my face with cool water. I perched myself over the sink and tried to steady my thoughts, when I heard my name being called. I heard the bedroom door open and panicked. I quickly ran to shut and bolt the bathroom door. I turned and tried to find a reason to cause a distraction, when I zeroed in on the shower. If I turned it on, I knew whoever walked in would understand my reluctance to want to open the door. I opened the shower door and turned the hot water on.

"Bella?" Edward's voice sent a shiver of worry through me. I didn't trust myself to mask my fear and nerves. When I heard his velvety voice call out to me again, I walked over to the door and sank down to the cool tile floor. I held my head in my hands and was unable to bring myself to answer my love. The door knob shook as Edward tried to turn the knob as he knocked repeatedly.

"Bella? Love, are you okay? Bella?" I quickly stood up and swallowed my uneasiness. I took a chance and called out.

"Edward? Sorry, my love, I'm in the shower."

"Well, open the door and let me in. I need one too." I heard him chuckle. I shook my head and wiped away my tears.

"Edward, would it be okay if I could just have some alone time?" I waited for him to answer and hoped he wouldn't hear the thick emotion in my voice.

After a couple of minutes of deafening silence, I heard a thud against the door. "Bella, you aren't having second thoughts about us, are you? Did I move too fast?"

"Oh, God! Edward, no!" I cried out and turned to face the door. My lower lip quivered and I bit it to hold my emotions together. "It never even crossed my mind. Please just give me some time to get ready. But when I get done, baby, I really think we should sit down and talk, okay?"

"Okay love. I'll just use the other guest bathroom to get ready. Listen, Alice called and she is expecting us at the Presidential Suite in thirty minutes. I guess wedding plans are still top priority for the Pixie," he said with a chuckle.

_If you don't talk to him soon, you'll lose your nerve. _

"Edward? Can you tell Alice that we'll be late? I really have to talk to you. Okay?" As I was greeted with silence, I realized he had already left the room.

_This is just fucking great. The world is against me. Just keep it together, Bella. You can do this. _

I swung open the door and was greeted by an empty bedroom. I realized I needed to catch him before he got too far. I swung open the bedroom door and called out for him.

"Edwa…" And in typical Bella fashion, I boisterously tripped on air, which sent me crashing into an unsuspecting stone hard body. Masculine arms reached out and caught me effortlessly; meanwhile, I tried to compose myself in his strong hold, with as much dignity as I could muster. Then, I glanced up, only to shrink away in embarrassment.

_Why me?_

"Well, well, well. I could definitely get used to being greeted this way, Isabella." The Italian leper smirked. His snake-like eyes bore into mine and as I tried to move away from him, he tightened his grip around my waist and pulled me closer. I shot a panicked look back at him when I realized he was not focused on my face anymore.

I cringed when I realized his heated stare was focused on my now opened shirt. The way his eyes were glued to the top of my breasts in a very creepy way left me feeling very exposed.

I felt my characteristically heated blush race up through my whole body. This time I expected resistance, so I applied more strength and forced him to let me go. I clutched my shirt shut so tightly my knuckles turned white under the pressure. He continued to look at me like I was the last tasty morsel on a plate. To say I was disturbed was an understatement.

"Hey?" I snapped my fingers in front of his face. "Eyes up here, Fucker."

"My, my, Isabella. I finally understand what has all the men in this place jumping around, trying to hump your leg." He chuckled. "I have to say while the exterior looks absolutely amazing, I have to thank my lucky stars that I finally got a sneak peek under the hood. What do you say? Want to let me take you on a test drive sometime?"

Before I could control myself, my hand shot out and slapped Felix so hard across the face that it ricocheted to the side. As his head snapped back to look at me, his facial expression was one of utter shock. He clenched his jaw and held a rigid stance. After a few minutes under his stare, Felix's features slowly softened and he gave me his Cheshire Cat-like grin.

"Naughty little minx, aren't you, Isabella? I didn't know you liked to play rough. Snarky little girl, I'll have to keep that in mind for later."

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Felix?" I watched him chuckle and shake his head. "And what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Isabella, come, come now. We're all adults. It's not like you have anything that I haven't seen before. Besides, I came here to let you know that Aro has to leave for Italy. I thought you would want to know."

Before I could respond, I heard laughter float in from the balcony. I glanced over and saw Esme and Carlisle through the window.

"What are they doing here?"

"I ran into them when I was on my way here. Jacob let us in on his way out. Which reminds me, you know, Bella, you really should be nicer to that poor man. He was mighty edgy last night after you and your Prince Charming ran off."

He walked over to the coffee table, propped his feet up as he crossed his arms and in the most arrogant way possible, he uttered, "So tell me, Isabella, is it true what they say about make-up sex? That it's way better than a normal fuck?"

"That is enough, Felix. You gave the message you came to deliver. Now get the fuck out," I snapped and turned away.

"I'll take that as a yet to be determined. Right?" I heard him chuckle as I stomped off . I just couldn't stand the man. He was a pretentious, pig-headed, and a conceited bastard. I shook my head and ran back to my room before Carlisle and Esme caught me in my shameful state of undress. Having had two men catch me nearly nude, twice in the same day, was all my pride could take. I really didn't want to push my luck with my in-laws.

"Fuck off, Felix, and I mean it. Get out!" I ran back through the bedroom and into the bathroom. It was filled with steam from the shower that I had left on.

"Why is my life so hard? I just want to talk to my fucking husband," I murmured as I quickly shut off the shower and ran to the sink to wash my face again.

"You can do this, Bella. You just have to be strong," I repeated to myself over and over again. I slipped off Edward's dress shirt and stepped into my high-necked sun dress and cardigan. I reluctantly slid on the matching heels and prayed I didn't tumble over in them.

"This is it. You're going to walk out there and just tell him everything." I pulled up my hair into an uncombed ponytail as I gathered all the courage I could summon. "Just say it straight to his face. He will forgive you. You know he will. Remember, Edward and Bella forever."

After I managed to apply some powder and blush, I grabbed the lip gloss and tried to get it on with steady hands but I failed, twice. So I just gave up, and I wiped the messy gunk from my lips. I took a moment and just stood there. When I was confident I didn't have my usual the deer-in-headlights look, I drew a long, deep breath and tried to give myself a pep talk I could believe.

"He loves you. He said so himself in the last letter he wrote, as well as countless times to your very face. He will understand. He might be mad. No-he will be mad, but you can work through this. All he'll tell you is that everything will be okay. You will work through this." When my inner rant finished and I felt some degree of my self-confidence restored, I grabbed my lip gloss and this time I applied it perfectly.

I gave myself one final look over, and with a nod in the mirror, I slipped the letter that Edward had written to me in my pocket and I walked out to go find him.

"Bella, please listen. Just come with us. Edward will meet up with us when he gets done with this conference call." I shook my head and was furious at Alice's suggestion.

"No Alice, I need to talk to him now." I stood firm.

_Emergency conference call, my ass! It was all my luck! I swear someone has put a hex on me. _

"Bella, come on. I know you guys are going through your crazy second honeymoon stage but he'll be down soon. It's just a call from California; you have to remember how insane Edward's work is."

"I know that, Alice. I just need to talk to him in private. It's important. It really can't wait. So why don't you go ahead, and we'll catch up." I started to pick at the hangnail on my thumb. I paced restlessly around the living room as Edward talked on the phone and went over something on his laptop. He glanced up at me and flicked his wrist to take a look at the time. He shook his head and mouthed, "Sorry."

I smiled back at him and was about to sit down, when he told whoever he was talking to on the phone to hold on. He covered the mouthpiece, he walked over. "Love, I want you to go with Alice. Enjoy the time with the family."

"I'd rather just stay here with you, Edward. Besides, we really need to talk." He gave me a concerned look. I instinctively shook my head and reassured him. "It's nothing to do with the break-in. I just need to talk with you."

He leaned in and gave me a chaste kiss. "All right, let me handle this shit and I swear I will make it up to you, okay? By the way, Felix mentioned Aro is leaving for Italy. Bella, talk to your uncle before he leaves. I really feel it would do both you and him some good. I know how much he worries for you."

He gave me a light swat on my ass and he pushed me toward Alice. She grabbed me by the hand and wore a satisfied smile on her face as she pulled me to the exit. I reluctantly looked over my shoulder and watched Edward, whose face held a determined look as he sat down and started working again.

"Bellllllaaaaaaaaaa?" Alice called out to me. "What is wrong with you? You've been in a permanent state of 'lost in lala land.' What's bothering you?"

I quickly rattled off some lame excuse about wasted time and wanting to catch up with Edward. She chuckled as she opened the door and we were greeted by Leah, who was in the process of directing the wait staff. She stood firm and made sure all the food items were presentably placed on the dining table. I walked over to her side and gave her shoulders a quick squeeze. "Hey Leah, everything looks amazing."

"Oh, Mrs. Isabella! Good morning. Thank you. How is everything?" She quickly corrected the placement of the fruit basket. She turned to look at me over her shoulder. "I hope you don't mind my absence this morning. Jacob insisted on taking your things over himself."

"Leah, everything was fine." I hesitated for a split second and made sure no one was in ear-shot. "I know I haven't been the most expressive and appreciative person. But, I want you to know that you mean the world to me. You've looked after me like a sister would and have always been there to give me the best advice. I want you to know that I read the letter."

I leaned in and hugged her. She nodded and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Mrs. Isabella, you gave me a chance when no one else would, especially considering I did not have the best recommendations from my previous employer. You still took a chance on me. You not only helped me, but you helped my entire family. I will never be able to pay you back for taking us all in the way you did. It should be me thanking you, Mrs. Isabella."

I shook my head and gave her a final squeeze before I let her go.

"Leah, really, you give me too much credit. I did what anyone would have done." I pulled back and smiled at her. I linked my arm with hers, and I walked us over to the coffee table. "You and Jacob are sneaky, I will give you that. I just wish you had forced me to read the letter when I first received it." "Sneaky? Me? Jacob?" I laughed at her confused tone.

"Leah, what I meant was that I wish you…"

I was cut off by Alice's squeal. We both looked over at her as she hugged Rose. Esme walked over to them and enveloped both of them in an embrace.

"Bella Cullen! You get your cute butt here, right now!" Alice beckoned from across the room. I just smiled as Leah excused herself.

"Bella, you are not going to believe this!" Alice hopped her way over to me and pulled me close to Rose. "You are never going to guess! Oh my goodness! This is so exciting!"

I was a little confused but laughed when Jasper held Alice around the waist and tried to calm her down. "Can you please just let Rose tell her, Alice?"

I looked over at Rose who gave me a shy smile. She took a long gulp of her juice before she set the glass down on the table in front of her.

"Okay. So it's not a big deal or anything but, well-I'm finally pregnant!" Rose shouted.

For a split second, I froze. I honestly didn't know how to respond. One part of me was ready to scream and shout in joy for Rose. She and I had always discussed children and our desire to have them one day. But the other part of me, I just watched as she stood there, suddenly radiating in a maternal glow that seemed to suck the air out of me.

_Pull yourself together, damn it! _

Before anyone could notice, a robotic smile graced my face, and I quickly leaned in to give Rose a hug. I whispered something to her; I don't even remember what it was. All I know is that I was extremely taken aback at my own very confused and uneasy state.

_Keep your shit together, Bella. Just keep your shit together. _

The motto was on repeat as I continued to smile at Rose. As soon as I could, I pulled away from her and walked to the table that was set up for brunch.

I stared at the food that was laid out and tried to regain my strength. When I trusted myself not to crumble, I watched as Alice hugged Rose again and chatted about due dates and how the wedding would be planned around her pregnancy. I pressed my fingers to my throbbing temples, when I felt someone near me. I exhaled and looked over my shoulder to see Carlisle wink at me and gesture to the chair he had pulled out for me.

"Come on Bella, you look like you could use something to eat." He smiled as I walked on wobbly over to him.

When I settled into my seat, Carlisle walked over to Esme and kissed her on the cheek before he sat down next to her. I glanced around and realized that Edward and Emmett had yet to join us. Esme dove right into the topic of baby names and child proofing her house so she could babysit.

My stomach started to churn when I realized that I could be pulled into the conversation at any time. For some reason, the idea of keeping my mouth full seemed to be the only logical way for people to leave me alone. So when Leah brought a platter of fruit and cheese over to the table, I didn't waste any time filling my plate.

Without looking up at anyone, I mumbled, "This looks delicious!"

After I took a few bites of fruit, I jumped up and made my way to the buffet. I filled my plate with eggs, bacon and pancakes. When I sat back down quickly and drowned my food in syrup, I moaned in contentment over how amazing everything tasted. Somewhere during the process, I managed to shovel some more food into my mouth. I swallowed quickly and kept up my repetitive motion as I cut, stuffed and chewed. I made sure to focus on my food and avoid the conversations around me.

After I took my final bite, I realized that everyone had stopped talking. I glanced around the table and noticed that everyone was intently focused on me.

Before I could remember that my mouth was filled to the brim, I asked, "Whah?"

Esme looked around before she turned to me and asked, "Bella, are you feeling okay, darling?" I nodded in confusion. "Because, sweetheart, well, you're eating like you've entered some kind of a contest."

I swallowed my bite and took a drink of water to clear my throat.

"Well, I guess with Rose being pregnant, I wasn't sure if between her and Emmett that there would be any food left." I shrugged my shoulders and planted a sly smile on my face. I hoped they hadn't detected the forced humor in my voice.

"Oh my God, Bella! That is so mean!" Rose cried out, as she threw her napkin at me. I managed to duck and giggled.

"But, it's so true!" Alice laughed out loud. I winked at Rose, as the rest of the table covered their smiles and laughter. I decided it was a good idea to slow down a bit and tried to lay low the best I could until Edward got there.

Soon enough, their voices started to blend and I felt the temperature start to rise. The room suddenly started to close in, and I realized I needed some fresh air. I looked around and noticed quickly that this room really didn't have anywhere for me to escape to. I pulled at the collar of my dress and tried to calm down. I reached out to grab a glass of juice from the table in front of me and instead of simply just taking a hold of it, I knocked it all over.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" I tried to quickly wipe everything up but managed to make more of a mess. The juice spread out all over the table cloth and even dribbled onto my dress.

"Nothing to fret over, Bella, it's fine," Esme said as she dabbed napkins on the table. I shot everyone a quick apologetic smile and excused myself to clean up. When I was out of sight, I ran over to bathroom and locked myself in it. I quickly took deep breaths and tried to pull myself together.

_It is fine. Rosalie being pregnant is fine. Why are you freaking out? It's not like they are not allowed to have children. Get it together! _

I washed my hands and wet a towel to dab at my dress. When I was sure I had complete control over myself once again, I opened the door only to be engulfed in a hug by Emmett. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into a comfortable cuddle. I instinctively wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back as my eyes filled with tears.

"Bella, are you all right?" I nodded and kept my face hidden in his shoulder. "I was hoping to get to you before they said anything. But Edward got himself into this California situation where he needed some of my contacts to help him settle the deal. Bella, I'm sorry you had to find out this way and you had to go through all of this alone."

I pulled back and wiped my tears away and shook my head. "Emmett, really, I'm fine. I'm so happy for you and Rosalie. I can't wait for you both to become parents. I mean I'm going to be an Auntie, right?"

"Don't you dare hide from me, Bella. Don't be that way with me, Okay?" I forced a smile and took a deep breath. I tried my best to act normal and happy for him, but there was no way to fool Emmett. He wrapped an arm around me and walked with me to the main room. "Have you spoken to Edward about Italy yet?"

I shook my head.

"Are you planning on telling him?"

"Yeah Em, I'm going to try to tell him today. I wanted to talk to him earlier but the California call messed it all up for me."

"Bella, you can do this. Okay? I know it is scary and nerve-wracking. But just talk to him and it will all work out."

"I hope you are right, Em, because I am so fucking scared. I mean, all of this mess could have been avoided if I just hadn't been so stupid." Emmett squeezed my shoulders.

"Just remember you're not alone. I knew about it as well, and I chose you over my brother. Whatever happens, whatever he decides, we're in this together. But just know that I will always have your back, little sister. Always."

I felt a bit more reassured by the fact that I was not completely alone in this mess that I had created. Now if only I could feel more optimistic about the outcome. I heard more laughter and happy chatter as Emmett and I came fully into view. I saw Edward's magnificent form as he hugged Rose and kissed her on the cheek. He began to poke her stomach, and she futilely swatted his hands away as she yelled for Emmett.

Edward glanced over his shoulder at us and quickly walked over. He extended a hand out to Emmett and pulled him into a hug.

"What the hell, man? You are going to be a dad and I had to hear it from the wife? What happened to letting your favorite brother in on the secret?"

Emmett chuckled a little. "Since when have I been in control of anything that pertains to my married life, Eddie? I am a committed man and so are you; you know as well as I do, it's all about how the _women_ feel."

Edward laughed with him as he pulled me into a deep hug. I couldn't look at him, I was too afraid that my eyes would betray my inner demons. I felt Edward reach down to lift my chin up so I was forced to look into his deep emerald orbs. He immediately leaned and took a deep kiss from me. The soft satin texture of his lips vigorously met mine and I eagerly parted my lips to take in his essence as he cupped my face in his hands. My body relaxed into his as I held him closer and deepened the kiss.

When I pulled away for much needed air, we both looked into each other's eyes and smiled. "I'm sorry I was late getting back to you, Bella."

"It's okay, Edward. I understand," I whispered, as his eyes captured mine in an intense stare. "Let's go grab you some brunch, but, baby, we really need to sit and talk. Okay?"

"Anything you want, my love." He pulled back and kissed my hand as he led me back to the table where everyone was still seated.

"It's about time you crazy freaks stopped with your make out sessions," Jasper called out as Edward pulled a chair out for me.

"Stop it, Jazzy, leave them alone! You know I wish we look as great married as they do," Alice piped up.

"Aw, baby! You know we could totally take them on. I mean just this morning, don't you remember when I had on nothing but the cowboy boots on-" Alice shrieked and covered his mouth, as Emmett tried to grab at him from across the table.

"Just because you are my best friend doesn't mean I won't kick your ass, _Jazzy_. That is my baby sister right there. So ixnay on the exsay alktay! Or I'll beat your assway."

Jasper took a deep gulp of his coffee and winked at Emmett, who decided to throw fruit at him. When Jasper flung some toast toward him in retaliation, Esme decided to step in.

"Okay, boys. Stop it now. I don't want funny banter to turn into a food fight. Jasper, please, for your future father-in-law's sake and my own, no more talk about what happens when we are not around. And Emmett Cullen, you need to stop with your threats."

"Yes, Ma'am, They both said at the same time.

The conversation quickly shifted to talk about the wedding as well as Jasper and Alice's plans for the event. Well, most of the conversations were about what _Alice_ wanted for the event. I sat back and watched as the family engaged in heartfelt conversations that took me back to when Edward and I had planned our nuptials. Except this time, the bride was in charge of all wedding related stuff. Alice was giddy as she explained to Rose and me her bridesmaids dress designs; she also complained about having to include a distant cousin as a part of the wedding party. Through it all, I smiled and gave my thoughts when I was asked something.

Whenever I felt the nerves creep up, I would squeeze Edward's hand that was wrapped around my waist. Every now and then, he would lean over to give me a kiss near my temple or feed me a quick bite of breakfast from his own plate. He also snuck glances at my mouth when I chewed and cheekily gave me a slight wink. Of course, like clockwork, my blush would sneak up from my body to my face, which would never fail to trigger some teasing comments from the gang.

Esme was beaming whenever I caught her looking at us. She would give me a knowing smile and a nod.

The fear I felt of confessing to Edward became so overwhelming. As the minutes went by, the worse my nerves got. I had to use all my energy not to shake in fear. And as if things weren't stressful enough, Esme started to tease Alice and Jasper as to whether they had given any thought to becoming young parents. I just knew that the conversation would soon shift toward Edward and me.

"Mom, really come on. I do want kids, but seriously with all of Jasper's campaigning and fundraising, it would be really selfish to have a baby now," Alice stated.

"Well, I think as much as I want you barefoot and pregnant, I am inclined to agree with you. I want to be there for you during our pregnancy. But I am going to tell you now, woman, the idea of having to witness childbirth scares the hell out of me." Everyone chuckled a little bit, while I downed my glass of orange juice wishing that I had some way of getting vodka mixed into this.

_That is all you need- to end up confessing about the baby in an inebriated state. _

"Bella?" I glanced around and realized that I had missed a question.

"I'm sorry." I smiled quickly. "My mind is just in a fog."

"It's nothing, love." Edward reached over, taking my hand in his and kissing the back of mine as he settled it in his lap.

"I said that I highly doubt Rosalie is going to be the only woman pregnant around here, the way you two are going at it." Alice winked.

"Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful? I know I wouldn't mind having two daughters pregnant at the same time." Esme smiled at both Rosalie and me.

"Let's just be happy that Rosalie and Emmett have decided to attempt the dangerous and uncertain task we undertook so many years ago. Let's let Bella and Edward take their time," Carlisle reasoned, as Esme shook her head in denial.

"I have been waiting forever for grandchildren, Carlisle. I think I have waited long enough. So come on, you two, snap to it." Esme winked and snapped her fingers at us. Edward laughed and shook his head.

I swallowed hard and forced a laugh. I glanced at Emmett who wore a serious look, while Jasper glanced between the both of us.

When Rosalie started talking about how she found out that she was pregnant, I forced myself to pay attention, while still avoiding all eye contact. Emmett tried to change the topic of conversation but they just wouldn't let go; they just dove right back into it.

When I felt a sharp sting in the corner of my eye, I realized I was holding back tears. I knew that if I even let just one tear fall, I would have a very hard time keeping the rest of my emotions in check. Not to mention, the explanations that would consequently be demanded.

Just when I was sure the conversation regarding Rose and Emmett's baby were done, Edward shot out one last remark.

"Well, all I know is that whenever Bella and I decide to become parents, I won't be hiding the news, unlike some people."

I could hear everyone laughing, but I chanced a glance up at Emmett, whose expression suddenly dropped. He gave me a slight nod and pressed his lips together tightly.

I studied his crestfallen expression from across the table, and I suddenly I realized the impact of my secret. I wasn't the only one doomed to hell by the burden of our lying to Edward. I had not only bound Emmett to secrecy about my whereabouts, but I also sentenced him to hide, from his very own brother, the fact that he would have become a father. A sudden churning sensation started up in my stomach.

_You are so stupid. All this time you have been worried about your own feelings! Selfish idiot! What about Emmett? Edward is his own flesh and blood!_

"Bella, are you all right?" I felt Edward's grip on my hand tighten. "Love, look at me."

I shook my head and took a long drink of water, as I tried to desperately steady my mind. "Edward, I am not feeling well, I think I need to lie down."

"Of course, love. You don't have a fever, do you?" He touched my forehead with the back of his hand. Carlisle quickly got up and came over to me, while Esme asked if I needed to go to the hospital.

"It must have been all that syrup on your eggs, Bella," Rose called out, followed by Alice and Jasper's laughter. Emmett growled at them to shut up, as he looked over at me with worry.

"No, no, everyone. I'm okay. I'm still tired with everything that has been going on." I slowly stood up. "I just need to lie down for a while."

"Mrs. Isabella, may I be of assistance?" Leah stepped forward.

"No, Leah. Thank you. I'm going to take care of her." Edward put an arm around me and started to lead me away. I looked over my shoulder and noticed that everyone had worried expressions on their faces. I waved goodbye at them. Emmett just nodded at me and held my eyes until I was out the door.

I looked away from my reflection as soon as the shiny golden colored elevator doors shut. I was too much of a coward to even face myself.

Edward held me close to him, and I tried to seek comfort from his warm embrace. Leaning against Edward's affectionate and inviting body was a sensation I prayed I didn't have to ever live without again.

As we trudged our way down the hall to our suite, I felt my feet starting to slow down. When Edward opened the door and walked in to hold it open for me, my feet froze. It was almost like I had an inexorable force holding me in place.

"Bella? Baby, what's the matter?" Edward came forward and held a hand out to me. "Baby, are you feeling faint?"

I shook my head and bit my lower lip as I let him pull me into the suite and shut the door. I walked to the balcony door and looked out at the sun that shone over the city. I could faintly hear Edward say something to me but my mind was currently muddled with terrifying thoughts of what was to come. The idea that I had no clue as to where our future would lay after I told him the truth made me want to bolt. The confession, the past, the truth I had kept hidden all these years from my husband had already taken form, I was just waiting for my mouth to open and let them flow. I couldn't trust myself to hold my tongue. I knew the next words that came out of my lips would shape themselves into the single most fearful confession of my life.

At that moment, the only thing I was sure of was that my declaration would bring great pain to the both of us, especially to Edward. But what had me in such a frail state of mind was the uncertainty. This would either be something we would eventually overcome, or it would be something that would permanently destroy any chance we had of getting back together. Nevertheless, he had been honest with me, for the most part, and if I loved him like I said I did, I had to give him the full truth in return.

I tried to reassure myself with words from Edward's letter. My mind went to the weight of the letter that lay gently nestled in the folds of my pocket and provided added comfort. I turned to face Edward who wore a concerned expression on his face.

I saw worry, confusion, despair and I knew there could be no more waiting. The time had come to bring it all out in the open.

"Edward, did you mean what you said?" I asked in a barely a whisper.

"Bella, what are you talking about?" I watched as he filtered his hands through his hair. I shook my head and took a deep breath. I pulled the letter he wrote out of my pocket and held it out for him.

"This letter. The last one you wrote to me, did you mean it? The words you said. That you would love me forever, no matter what. That we could still have our happily ever after. Did you mean it?" My lower lip quivered as the hand that held the letter shook a little. Edward looked down at the letter. Then he glanced at my face, where he stared for several seconds, before he snatched it from me. He turned it over and opened it to take a closer look.

As his eyes went over the words, the answer dawned on him. He locked eyes with me and slowly nodded.

"Bella, I meant every word."

I tore my eyes from his, as I took a deep breath and shuddered. Edward shook his head as if to clear his thoughts and took a step toward me. I put a hand out to stop him.

"Don't. Please. I need to talk to you. I have so much to tell you, and I need you to hear me." I looked up at him and pleaded with my eyes. I watched as he frowned but nodded in acquiescence and waited for me to continue.

I licked my lips and started to pace.

_Just tell him what happened, rip it off like a Band-Aid. Be quick and to the point. Just say it, out loud. He loves you. He loves you._

"When I left you and went to Italy, I was devastated with what I thought had happened. And while I was there, I realized that I needed to come home to you because I was being dishonest and hurting you the same way you hurt me. I couldn't take it; it all felt so wrong. I thought that the least I could do was give us the chance we dissevered to get back what we had lost. Sort of like a fresh start, you know?" I looked at him and he nodded as he urged me to go on.

"Edward, I want you to know that I love you. I'm certain I have loved you since before I even met you. I've loved you fervently all these years we have been apart. And I know that I will always love you, no matter what the future holds for us.

"That horrible night… That night when everything got torn apart… I returned early from a business trip because I couldn't wait to tell you some wonderful news. I wanted to tell you I was pregnant—to tell you that were going to have a baby."

Edward's head shot up and he took a step forward. His eyes were wide, but he didn't say anything. He just stood there. I noticed him starting to clench the letter he was holding into a tight crinkled ball. I stared at him as my eyes filled with tears and as the rest of me quivered. I knew I had to keep it together; if I fell apart now, he would never learn the whole truth.

"I was six weeks pregnant when I even found out about it. It took me a couple of weeks after I left to realize what a fool I was being by keeping this away from you. So, I packed up everything and we left Italy to come home. Jacob, Leah and me. We had an engine problem that made us land in Rome. It was going to take a few hours so Leah and I went shopping to pass the time. It was crowded and I saw something that spooked me. I flipped out and I ran. I just kept running until I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs…"

"Oh my God, Bella." Edward dropped heavily to the sofa nearest to him. He shoved his lean fingers into his hair and clenched, holding onto his head tightly. I had a sudden urge to reach out and touch him. But the need to finish what I had started kept me going. I wiped away my steady flow of tears and continued.

"When I woke up, I found out that I had…that…I lost the baby…."

"You didn't have an abortion?" he suddenly asked with a shaky voice.

"Oh my God! Edward, no! How can you even think that? How could you think that I would even think of doing that? I would never do that to our baby. I would never do that to you!" I quickly kneeled in front of him and slowly reached up to touch the hands that held his head. He flinched and shot up off the sofa, taking huge strides away from me.

"Please, Bella. Don't touch me. I just had to ask. Okay?" His voice was strong and firm. My heart ached a little, but I reminded myself that his reaction was to be expected. He had every right to be angry; it was entirely my fault that we were in this mess. I just prayed that he could understand my actions and love me enough to forgive me. I watched as he paced like a caged panther; clenching and unclenching his hands into tight fists. He took deep and haggard breaths as he walked all through the living room.

"Edward, please, I know I made a mistake-" Edward's tortured laugh cut me off.

It was filled with sarcasm and despair, but he continued his methodic motion and laughter. He suddenly stopped and looked at me. His eyes were wild and filled with sudden anger. He turned his body to face me; he stood there and just watched me with his controlled gaze. His eyes pierced me down into my soul and I saw, in front of me, a man I couldn't recognize. It was as if he suddenly transformed into someone so far removed from my Edward—the man who held control of my heart so firmly in his grasp. Gone was the light in his eyes, the playfulness I loved so much. This man radiated nothing but hatred. He suddenly took firm strides toward me and I instantly backed away until my legs hit the single sofa chair behind me. I was forced to sit down. Edward continued to bridge the gap between us; he leaned down and put his hands on both arms of the chair. I felt indisputably trapped. As he brought his face closer and his body started to tower over me, I shrank back against the chair.

"A mistake? You call running away and keeping the fact that you were pregnant a secret just to hurt me 'a mistake?' No, you were in pain over something you convinced yourself you thought you saw. You did what you did willingly. You stupid, little, immature, selfish, arrogant bitch! Do you have any idea what you've done to me?"

Edward's voice screamed as I felt the full effect of his fury and rage. My heart thudded and my blood raced. I swallowed hard and kept thinking that he was just angry, that he would never lose total control around me. I tried to remain calm even though fear had started to rise within me.

I sat there like a masochist, for God knows how long, and waited for my deserved punishment. I almost wished he would scream at me some more; his silence was more unbearable and eerie than the idea of Edward lashing out. But Edward didn't say a word after his momentary loss of verbal control. He just stood there, towering over me. His breath was hot and angry.

Every time I opened my mouth and I felt I should be saying something, Edward's icy voice shot out. "Don't you even fucking dare, Bella."

I quickly shut it, knowing that I was already walking a thin line with him.

Slowly, Edward bent his head, his forehead touching mine. I closed my eyes and took short breaths as I waited for him to say something. I felt his hands cup my face, as he pulled me up to stand with him. He brought his lips to my forehead and I felt the electric sensation as his lips pressed against my skin.

"I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved you, Bella," He whispered, his voice stone cold. "Since the moment I met you, I have dreamed of no other woman in my life. I opened up a part of myself and offered it to you with both hands. I have never regretted it, not even once. You have always been the physical embodiment of everything I have ever wanted in my life. I clung to that these last four years. I clung to the hope that whatever the fuck it was that I did to drive you away, that you would still come back to me."

Edward's voice cracked and I slipped my hands over his while I mentally implored him to forgive me. I looked up at Edward with tear-filled eyes, and he continued to hold my face as he stroked them away. He slowly let his eyes glance over my face and I watched as his beautiful eyes filled with unshed tears.

"Please, Edward, forgive me," I whispered. He clenched his jaw, in an effort to hold back his intense emotions. His eyes darkened a little as he took a step back and pulled his hands away from my face. My skin pleaded for him to come back and make any kind of contact. Gradually, he reached out and took my hand in his. Edward raised it to bring it against his chest and over his racing heart.

"I gave my heart to you without fear, doubt or hesitation. Do you feel it, Bella? Do you feel it beating?" he whispered.

I looked up at him and nodded slowly, not sure where he was going with this.

"My heart beats for you Bella, and for the last four years, you've done nothing but break it."

He dropped my hands and shook his head. Edward stared at me for a moment and after he took a deep breath, he stepped away from me.

"Edward! No! We can work this out. I am sorry, Edward. I didn't know! I didn't know! Please, please, forgive me. Edward!"

I tried to get close to him and reached for him. He suddenly straightened his stance and looked right at me.

"I don't blame you for the baby, Bella." He ran an agitated hand through his hair and clenched his hands into fists. "You speak of loving me, of being sorry. But do you have an idea what you've done? Do you even realize what your selfish behavior has done to me? If you had just fucking stayed, maybe we'd have a—Fuck, how could you not tell me?"

He suddenly reached out and roughly held my shoulders, and dragging me close to him.

"Every decision you've made that kept you from me was based on selfish and cowardly misconceptions. The sad thing is that I've never done anything to hurt you. You made wrong assumptions and walked away from our marriage without ever looking back, without a second thought. But, me, Bella? I've looked back on it every damn day since you walked away. I've been wracking my brain, trying to figure out if I ever did something that would cause you to so easily believe that I would be unfaithful to you. I searched my brain looking for anything that I could have done that would make you doubt my endless love for you. But, it's you. You've never loved me with your whole self. You've always held back out of fear that I would hurt you. While trying to protect yourself from being hurt by me, you've done to me the very same thing you were afraid of. Damn it, I had a right to know! How did you live with yourself, Bella? Do you realize what we've lost because of it? Fuck, you should have told me!"

The gravity of his words slapped hard me across the face. I grabbed him by his arms and yelled, "No, Edward, please understand. I never meant to keep it from you."

I pleaded for him to understand, but he just pushed me away. "I have to get out of here. I can't do _this_ anymore."

I watched as he made his way to the door. My heart ached, my mind raced and my whole being was ready to explode. I couldn't let him leave. After everything we had been through, I couldn't just watch him walk away. It was too unbearable, and I just couldn't help it, I needed him. I knew I would die without him and I knew I just couldn't let him go. Not like this.

"Edward! I am begging you! Please, don't leave." In my haste to get to him, I managed to trip loudly over the corner of the coffee table and my momentum pushed me forward. I closed my eyes and prayed that Edward would catch me in time. But as my body thudded firmly against the cool hard floor, I looked up and realized that Edward hadn't moved an inch to save me from my fall. I looked up at him and felt my heart break into a million pieces when I realized the implications of his lack of action.

He just stood there, rigidly, with his hand on the doorknob and his back was still toward me.

"I can't be there anymore to catch you every time you fall, Bella. I just can't catch someone who doesn't want to be caught." He turned his face slightly as his voice cracked. I could tell he was at his emotional breaking point. "I can't catch someone who is so averse to being caught by _me_."

I shook my head and reached out for him. But Edward swallowed hard and said, "You stole my right know, Bella. And even when you lost the baby, you still didn't come back. I had a right to grieve as well."

"Edward, please," I begged. "I need you."

He just shook his head and whispered, "I'll let Jacob know you need him."

With that, I watched my husband as he walked out of our suite, without so much as a glance over his shoulder.

An: Just remember this story will be a HEA.


	16. Shattered Dreams & Coal Black Curses

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB beta's, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

****This is another emotionally charged chapter****

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Sixteen

Shattered Dream & Coal Black Curses

_The trip home from Italy was a long and tiring process, but I really couldn't complain since Uncle Aro had let me use his jet to come back home. As my plane landed in Los Angeles, and I stepped out onto the jetway, I was happy that Jacob had arranged a car to be ready for us upon arrival. _

_Now if only Jacob hadn't decided to take it upon himself to drive like an old school teacher, I think I would've been much more relaxed. _

"_Jacob, you better hurry up and get this car moving," I said, clearly exasperated, as he, once again, came to a full stop before the light had even turned red. I whacked him hard on the arm, and he jerked it away quickly. _

"_Damn, woman! What's gotten into you?" _

"_The light hadn't even turned yellow yet. You could still have made it." He rolled his eyes, for which he received another hard whack. "Just please get me home, okay? I have to see Edward." _

_I tapped my foot impatiently and looked outside the tinted car window. The rain drops were heavy, and I heard the metallic tinkering sound on the roof of the car. I relaxed back into my seat, closed my eyes and started humming the theme music from _Sleeping Beauty_. _

"_I still don't understand why you just don't call him." Jacob started for the fiftieth time. He couldn't understand why I hadn't called anyone to tell them I was coming home. I had thought about telling him my special news, but I couldn't. It wasn't right, and besides, I didn't think that Edward would've liked it if someone else, especially Jake, found out before him. _

"_Jacob, we've gone over this a million times. If I could, I would tell you. Really I would. So, please just be a super duper, awesome, numero uno best friend and get me home to my man. Okay?" _

_I quickly searched the car for the Sprite bottle I had been drinking and took a swig, while Jacob continued to drive in this dreary weather. The turbulence and the jet lag had taken its toll on me. Suddenly, another wave of nausea washed over me, and I had to bite my lower lip to keep me from smiling like the Cheshire Cat. _

_Even though the wind had picked up and the rain had started to fall even harder than before, my heart was light and airy as a fluttering sensation filled my stomach. So far it looked like I had a chance to successfully make it home without throwing up, tripping, and/or blurting the secret I couldn't wait to reveal to Edward. As my hands travelled down to my abdomen, I sighed.__I leaned back and closed my eyes as my mind danced with images of Edward hard at work in his office- or as he sat back and caught a basketball game on the television. I couldn't help but smile as I thought about the possible reactions that Edward would have when I surprised him. I had it all mapped out in my mind. I wanted to waltz in and give him a kiss that he wouldn't hesitate to deepen. Then he would want to lift me up into his arms and we would clumsily make out all the way into our bedroom. I would slowly undress and slip down into our bed as I would watch my beautiful Adonis unveil his magnificent body until he stood before me, nude and perfect._

_Of course, he would mention something like "I prayed you would come home early, Bella, my love. I needed you so much tonight."_

_I would say something cheesy like "I felt you needed me-that's why I knew I had to come home."_

_And then like a Harlequin novel, we would align our bodies and be ready; we would dive, without much preamble, right into our love making marathon. Of course, after the bedroom, we would move our satiated bodies to the kitchen for a midnight snack; this would naturally entail a full show that consisted of me eating pineapple or oranges, and for full effect, I would let the juice run down my throat. Edward would then leap over the table and lick all the juices off of me, and of course, that would lead to another round of me getting fucked, right there, over the kitchen island. And after we were delightfully exhausted, we would retreat to our beautiful bathroom, where we would lounge in a warm bath, kissing and cleaning each other. That would be when I would tell him of the beautiful addition we were going to have to our little family of two; he would want to hold me around the waist and tell me how excited he was that we were going to become parents. Edward would then kiss me, hug me and maybe even get all emotional. He would dry me with a warm towel and carry me tenderly to our bed, where we would lie together, clinging to each other, completely naked and in love and excited for what had yet to come. _

_I couldn't help but giggle as I was lost in thought. _

"_Bella?" I jerked my eyes open and stared into Jacob's dark eyes. _

"_What?" I looked around. Jacob just stared at my face for a moment and then shook his head and pointed over my shoulder. I turned and glanced over, only to realize I was home. I suddenly smiled and fidgeted with my seatbelt. _

"_Do you want me to go with you, Bella?" Jacob asked as he texted the security detail behind us. I shook my head and quickly pulled the visor down to check my hair and lipstick. _

"_No, I'll take it from here." I quickly jumped out of the car into the pouring rain and ran to the back to grab my suitcase. _

_Jacob raced out the driver's side door. "For God's sake, Bella! At least let me get the suitcase up to the front door, and see you in."_

"_No, Jacob, thank you. Just give it to me, I need to go." I demanded of him and became more impatient. The love of my life was in that house, and I was prepared to surprise him with the biggest news of our lives. The last thing I wanted was for Edward to open the door and see Jacob- that would always set him off into a bad mood. _

_No! Tonight, my husband was going to make sweet love to me. That would lead to eating a snack, which would lead back to more fucking and us laying about in a post-coital glow. During our sex marathon, I would then whisper to him words of endearment and love before I delivered to him the news that he had waited so patiently to hear. And nothing would stop me from bringing my fantasy to life. _

_I looked up at Jacob's face and saw him as he watched me intently in the rain. We both had gotten thoroughly drenched and the wind made things worse. _

"_Jacob, listen, I really don't have time to argue with you. I need you to be in best friend mode and tone down the bodyguard persona right now. I need you to trust me and let me to do what I need to do, okay? I don't want to stir the pot with him, and you know what will happen if he opens that door and sees you standing next to me. He will see you and you will see him, and like clockwork, one of you will say something to rile up the other. Things are going to escalate and it will be all Rocky and Apollo Creed all over again. And just know, I will be forced to play referee, and then in a flash, my evening will be ruined. So please, stop arguing with me, give me the damn suitcase and let me go, okay?" I chattered through clenched teeth. _

_Jacob gave me a smirk, pulled the suitcase out and grabbed my elbow as he walked me up the steps of the house. He set the suitcase down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. _

"_Okie dokie, Mrs. C, have a nice night. I am going to let Leah know that we are back and then I am off on vacation. Embry said he will have the new guy, James, all ready and up to date to meet you here tomorrow in the AM. Okay?" _

_I gave him a quick nod and prepared myself for my moment. With my hands full, I decided to ring the doorbell and waited instead.. I shook my hair that was plastered to my face and neck and my thoroughly drenched locks whacked me in my face. As I waited and rang the door bell again, I glanced at the main living room windows and saw that the lights were still on, so I knew he was home. As the cool, wet wind blew, I felt a chill in my bones. I began to shuffle in my purse and pulled out the keys to the house to let myself in._

"_Face it, Bella, you're already a sopping wet mess, no grand entrance is worth catching a cold!" _

_I slipped off my drenched coat and shoes, setting them on the chair nearest the door beside my suitcase. I smiled when I saw that the kitchen was lit as was the hallway. _

_Ah! Edward is awake! I smiled as I walked past the kitchen and made my way to the bedroom. Suddenly, my eyes caught an opened bottle of wine on the counter top and next to it were two wine glasses. I stopped in my tracks and looked at them from where I stood. Both still had a little tint of burgundy in them. Someone had drunk from them. _

_I shook my head and realized Emmett or Jasper might have stopped by, or maybe some of Edward's work colleagues. I smiled and giggled my way to our bedroom. I stopped at our door and took a deep breath. _

_Bella, when you walk through this door, your whole world is going to change. Everything is going to be amazing! Rainbows and fluffy bunnies amazing! All you have to do is wait until that baby is in your arms and everything you have ever dreamed of will come true. I smiled at the thought and slowly turned the knob and walked willingly, embracing my destiny. _

"Bella! God damn it! Open this door."

The sudden knocking at the door pulled me out of my emotional fog. I glanced up and realized I was still lying on the floor in front of the suite door. I pressed my palms onto the floor and my arms felt like jelly as I pushed myself up and tried to make my way to the door. Before I managed to reach the knob, the door was suddenly jerked open, and I watched my three puppeteers dash in. The look on their faces were scattered: Felix had one of shock, Uncle Aro should nothing but concern, and Jacob emanated pure rage.

I just stood there for a moment and stared at their faces. Each of them was not sure how to react or too afraid to move; they just momentarily waited there to be given the instructions as how to proceed. I slowly started to feel the numbness drain as my body came alive and the pain pulsed through. I clenched my fists at my sides in a futile effort to stop my body as it shook. I closed my eyes and swallowed back a sob.

"Bells?" Jacob called out; his voice was barely above a whisper.

I locked eyes with his suddenly soft expression, and I couldn't help it as my face fell. I covered my face with my hands and painful sobs erupted from my chest.

I heard Jacob take two steps forward, and he gently encased me in his arms. I pushed him away and shook my head.

"No!" I screamed in between sobs. "Please, no."

Jacob let out a sigh and softly grabbed my right arm a s he pulled me with him to the sofa. He helped me sit, and when I covered my wet face, I felt him slowly reach out and smooth the wrinkles on my dress. No one moved for a few charged moments, and the only sounds that echoed throughout the still very motionless room were my sobs. As I slowly quieted down, I glanced up at Jacob who gave me a half smile. He hesitantly raised his hand to push my matted hair off of my face.

I couldn't look at him. Not now. Not when I wished more than anything that it was Edward who sat where he was, comforting me. I shook my head and kept my chin tucked close to my chest.

As I leaned forward, I rested my elbows on my knees. I let out a sigh and fisted my hands again to lean my forehead on them. Jacob quickly grabbed my wrists and pulled them forward to inspect them closely. I watched silently as he looked over my wrists and hands. He didn't say a word as he tilted my chin to the side and pushed my hair over my shoulders. He examined my neck and looked at it from one side to the other.

Uncle Aro quickly went to the bar and grabbed an unopened bottle of water and started twisting it open. As Jacob continued to press the sides of my neck, examining me in a doctor like manner, I caught Felix's cold and stoic expression. He texted someone and then all of sudden looked up to lock his eyes with mine.

"Is she all right?"he asked and looked over at Jacob.

"Yeah, she is not wincing in pain from what I can tell. But I am not too sure yet." He grabbed my shoulders and tilted my head, making me arch my neck toward him.

_What the hell is going on? _

"What are you doing, Jacob?" I pulled his hands from my neck. "Why are you all acting so weird?" I asked.

Everyone chose to remain silent and continued to stare at me. Feeling parched, I shrugged off their weird attitudes and decided to make my way over to Uncle Aro. I glanced down at Jacob as I stood up and quickly noticed his clenched teeth and creased brow. It was when I turned to look at Uncle Aro that I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror that hung over his shoulder.

_Holy fuck. What the hell happened to me?_

My eyes were bloodshot and swollen, my face and hair sweaty and still moist from all the tears I had shed. The collar of my dress had a few buttons missing and looked ripped. My hair was wild and loose, like it had been pulled. I glanced down at my legs and saw a slight bruise forming over my knee cap. While it was obvious to me that all of this was caused by the impact of the fall, and by the time I had spent lying on the floor, based on their reflection in the mirror, I realized to them it looked like I had been roughed up.

I turned to face them, furiously shaking my head in denial to what they assumed.

"This is not his fault! It's not what it looks like!" I blurted out and held my hands up in front of Jacob. "He didn't touch me! I swear!"

Jacob's head dropped, and I watched as he got up to walk to the balcony and started to pace.

"Devi essere onesta con noi, passerotto mio, niente di questo è colpa tua." _("You need to be honest with us, my little bird, this is not your fault.")_

I glanced over at Uncle Aro; he held the water bottle so tightly, I was sure he would crush the plastic in his firm grip.

I walked over to the bar's mini-sink and washed my face under the cool water. As I dried my face, I looked at him and in an uncharacteristically swift move, took the water bottle from him grasp.

"Ti sto dicendo la verità zio, lo guiro. " _(I'm telling you the truth, Uncle, I swear it.)_ I quickly drank half the bottle right away as I tried to replenish my exhausted and dehydrated body.

"He knows now?" Jacob spat out. "He knows about the accident and about the baby?"

I nodded my head, walked over to the sofa and sat down. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them. I closed my eyes and tried to make sense of what had happened and what it meant for my future with Edward.

"Does he still want you?" I should have reacted to the cold tone in Felix's voice, but I didn't have the strength to call him out.

I shrugged my shoulders, and I held my knees closer to my chest as I replied, "I don't know. I don't think so. Frankly, I think he's done with me."

Jacob let out a short snort and continued to pace with hands on his hips as he murmured something under his breath.

"Dimmi, cosa vuoi. Qualunque cosa e la farò," (_Tell me what you want. Tell me anything and I will do it_) Uncle Aro asked urgently. I looked up at him and tried to smile at his warm concern.

"Voglio Edward," (_I want Edward_) I whispered as my eyes blurred with an unlimited supply of tears.

Uncle Aro ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. He nodded toward Jacob, who stood with his hands in his pockets, facing the window.

"Non essere così cieca, sei amata da molti uomini, Isabella. Ne hai uno proprio accanto a te." _(__Don't be so blind, you are loved by many men, Isabella. You have one right next to you.)_

I held his eyes with mine and mustered as much emotion and strength as I could. "Amo lui. Voglio lui. Sarà sempre lui." _(I love him, I want him. It will always be him.)_

We just stared at each other; Uncle Aro hoped I would change my mind, and I prayed he would finally understand that even if Edward left me, my love for him was eternal and would always hold strong.

I suddenly hissed in pain when I felt something hard and cold press against my bruised knee; I looked up and saw that Felix pressed his icy fingers against my exposed skin.

"Ouch!"

"How did this happen?" Felix asked soberly.

"I was running and fell; you know. the usual when it comes to me. By the way, Felix? Get your hands the fuck away from me," I exclaimed as I slapped his hands away. He let out a deep breath and sat across from me on the edge of the coffee table.

"Why were you running?" Felix asked casually.

"I was running because…"It quickly dawned on me that I couldn't tell them how I had fallen. I knew my disheveled appearance had made them suspicious. While the notion of me being a klutz was not a foreign concept, I knew that they were looking for any reason to place all the blame on Edward.

"Answer the god damn question, Bella." Jacob growled. I jerked back and pressed myself into the sofa. His face was seething with rage and anger. I shook my head at him and tried to reason with my eyes. "He tried to hurt you, didn't he?"

"That is not it, at all! He was leaving me…" My voice broke and my face fell into my hands again.

"He was telling me he couldn't be here with me anymore…so I wanted him to stay and listen…I ran to stop him from leaving…I tripped and I fell… and he left anyway." I hiccupped before I broke out into a deep sob.

I felt Uncle Aro's hands stroke my hair as he told me to be calm and that it would be okay. But I couldn't stop it; my emotional dam had burst open. The waves of sadness and tears broke through. I sobbed loudly, and the familiar ache returned to my heart. I held my chest in place as if to keep the pieces of my heart from falling out.

I cried loudly, not caring who was here to witness it. I cried for my mother, who I had lost as a child and wasn't here to protect and guide me.

I cried for Charlie, who was so consumed with mourning my mother, he completely forgot he had a daughter who needed him.

I cried for Jacob, who loved me and yearned for a heart that was no longer rightfully mine to give.

I cried for Edward, who had been hurt by my thoughtless and immature actions. He was the one person on whom my whole world was centered, the one person who made me feel complete and secure. When he had truly needed me to have faith in him, I had let him down. All the while, he continued to hold on to the desperate hope that we would make it, even when I had tried so hard to destroy it.

I cried for our unborn baby, who died because of my fearful nature. My inability to face things head on caused me to run away from Edward. I ran away when I should have stayed and asked him what the hell was going on.

I cried for myself, knowing that I had lost the one person I had truly loved more than anything on this earth.

I emptied my soul and my heart as I sat there and cried uncontrollably.

I was lost until I heard someone's cell beep, followed by a click.

"He's with his brother." As I heard Felix utter those words, my head snapped up mid-sob, and I watched as Jacob nodded and walked to the door, making sure to shut it behind him as he walked out.

"Isabella, my child, you should come home with me." Uncle Aro began as he walked forward and wiped away my tears with his soft hands. I pulled my face from his grip and tried to get up, but my knees shook and that forced me to lean on Felix for support.

"No! No more running! " My voice cracked as I made my way to the door. I felt Felix's hand grasp my wrist as he pulled me back. "Damn it! Let me go, Felix!"

"Where do you think you are going, Isabella?" Felix's voice was calm and soft. I pushed and pulled from his grasp as the tears continued to flow down my face.

"Please…I need to go stop Jacob." My voice was scratchy and strained as I pleaded with him with my eyes to let me go. I knew if he didn't release me, I wouldn't have any strength left to fight him.

He looked at me with a soft gaze and took a quick glance at Uncle Aro, before he stopped fighting me. I looked down to see he hadn't let go of my hand.

"Come on, angel, let me go with you. I have a feeling that even you will not be able to get through to those two right now." He pulled me through the door and walked in front of me and texted as we walked quickly. "Ah! Good thing your brother-in-law has his suite on the same floor. It's at the other end."

Felix pulled me along the long corridor, and I prayed that we would not encounter anyone. The last thing I needed was someone with a camera phone to catch me in my disheveled state, walking down a hallway with Felix. We passed the elevators and were almost at the other end when I heard growling and hissing. Felix and I both stopped and looked at each other when we realized where it was coming from. We broke into a sprint and headed toward the ruckus.

We approached the suite that had the door ajar and dented. You could see there was a small crack on the side of the door frame. I was sure Jacob had tried to kick it in.

"You selfish son of a bitch, how dare you? Do you have any idea what she's been though?" I heard Jacob yell.

"My point exactly, you asshole, I don't know what she's been through! And whose fault is that? I know it's not mine! Beause I wasn't among the privileged ones who got to know!" Edward snapped.

"Would you guys calm down? Please!" I heard Rose's frantic voice as she tried to calm the two of them down.

"Rose, please get out of here. I have a score to settle with this motherfucker, right here and right now. I've been patient and understanding. Fuck, I even shouldered the blame. But this is too much! This is entirely your fault, Jacob! You are the one who kept her from me. She trusted you. God damn it! You are her best friend. She needed you to tell her when she was wrong. I had a right to know, to be there, damnit! But you used this situation to manipulate her against me, didn't you, Asshole? Didn't you?"

Felix held up a hand to hold me back when we started heard them start to struggle, and Rosalie begging for them to stop.

"Felix! They're going to kill each other, and Rose is in there. She could get hurt," I whispered. "Please, let me pass."

I tried to get by him but he stopped me. "Isabella, you will not get in their way. They need to sort it out. The Neanderthal-like behavior they exhibit needs to be dealt with. Two men, utterly in love with the same woman, for God knows how long, are finally acting out their primal urges. Let them finish what was set in motion so long ago."

I looked at him like he was growing two heads.

_What the fuck does he mean? _

"I'm sorry, Felix, cavemen or not, I will not allow them to kill each other because of me. None of this is necessary. "

I quickly tried to squeeze by him, but he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me against the wall outside the room, holding me in place with his body. I could feel him try to mold himself to me as he leaned in and gazed deeply into my eyes. I tried to struggle against him; I even tried to call out for Edward but he clamped a hand over my mouth.

"Isabella, I am not a man who likes to repeat himself. You will listen to me. I am only trying to do what is right." His tone was deadly cold and serious.

I was shocked not only by his forcefulness but also by the audacity he had shown when he tried to stop me.

I pushed against his hard body, but his shoulders pinned me against the wall. I shook my head and tried to free my mouth, but my efforts were futile.

"Get off me!" I mumbled against his hand, but Felix just shook his head and continued to stare at me with his menacing glare.

When Felix started to tighten his hold on me, I heard the thumping of feet and a roar thundering through the air.

"Hey! What the fuck? Get away from her!" Emmett called out from the halfway down the hallway. "What the fuck are you doing to her?"

Felix was quickly jerked back, and he stumbled, hitting the door of the suite open. He landed on his ass harshly on the suite floor; I could see that Edward and Jacob were still in the middle of their dick measuring contest.

"What are you doing here." I heard Rose call as she ran to the door. As she looked out past Felix, she let out a wore a look of relief, "Oh, thank God, Em! Edward has gone mad! For that matter, so has Jacob."

Rose stepped through the door and ran to us. "Bella, you have to stop them! My God! They are literally trying to kill each other."

"I don't think they are going to listen to me right now," I whispered as I looked up at Emmett with pleading eyes; I knew that he was the only one who could get through to the both of them.

"Emmett, he knows." I watched as he looked at me in confusion but quickly understood my worry.

"It's all right, Bella, remember what I said. I have your back. We are in this together."

"What are you two talking about?" Rose asked quickly and looked between Emmett and me. Emmett grabbed her hand and pulled her with him down the hall.

"Rosie, you need to listen to me. Please, just go and get Sam up here right now. But listen to me, darling, you need to be discreet. No one else is to be involved. Especially Mom and Alice, now go." He pushed her down the hallway and rushed into the room. I stood back against the frame of the door and hoped that he would have the strength to stop them.

"Bella, just stay behind the door, okay? Let me handle this." I reluctantly nodded at Emmett.

The sounds of hard muscles colliding as they each tried to gain the upper hand was horrifying to hear. I took a quick look into the room and watched them waltz around each other. It almost looked like a well orchestrated dance of flying fists and ducking to avoid flying objects. It would have been entertaining to watch if it weren't for the fact that Edward and Jacob were truly trying to hurt each other. I watched in horror as Jacob was able to land a hard punch on Edward's jaw. As Edwardbuckled back, Emmett grabbed Jacob to hold him in place while Felix, who finally decided to man up, rushed forward and held Edward back.

"Let go of me! I'm going to finish this once and for all!" Edward roared.

"Calm the fuck down, man! You two can't keep doing this!" Emmett yelled as he struggled with his grip on Jacob.

"You have no idea what they hid from me, Emmett! You have no idea! Jacob and Aro, those bastards! They toyed with her; they took Bella away from me when she needed me the most!"

"I know, man, I know! It's all sorts of wrong, but, Edward you have to calm down, bro You need to talk this out. Think of Bella, damn it!" Emmett tried to reason with him.

Edward let out a strangled laugh. "Think of Bella? You want to know what I got for thinking of _Bella_? I'll tell you what I got! She ran the fuck away when she thought that I had cheated on her. She didn't stay to fight me and slap me or even fucking knee me in the balls. She ran away. Bella didn't stay and confront me or hear me out; she just ran the fuck away! And fucking get this, what she thought she saw? The thing that made her run away for four fucking years? I didn't fucking do it! I didn't cheat on her! I was never in the fucking wrong, but I was cruelly punished for it, nonetheless!"

My heart throbbed in pain as I heard his voice crack at the end.

"Fuck! I even went after her, Em. When you told me to fucking straighten out my act and go after her, I went to see that fucker, Aro. He lied to me—he told me she had moved on. He told me she didn't want me!" He let out an angry growl. "Fuck! I should have just told him to tell her I'd send her a fucking wedding present!"

I gasped as he uttered those words. I clenched my fists and wanted to march in there and slap him.

I heard Jacob start to rage at Edward and hoped Emmett still had a hold on him. "Don't you fucking dare say that, you asshole. You have no idea what she has been through!"

I watched as Edward stood up and marched toward Emmett and Jacob. "Explain to me why I need to pity her? She came home to tell me I was going to be a fucking father, but instead, she ran away from me and took my baby with her. She didn't even give me a chance; she just left without saying a fucking word to me about being pregnant. And then when she miscarried, who should have her first phone call been to? Huh? Who? It should have been me. You heard that, Jacob? It should have been to me. It shouldn't have been you holding her and healing her, Jacob! It should have been me! And I don't care what you tell me; it would have been me if Bella had given me a chance!"

I watched him stomp out of view toward the bar and search for something.

"I don't even know why I tried so hard with her. Don't you dare look at me like that, Emmett. I love her. Fuck, I love her more than anything in the world. But, it is painfully obvious that I don't mean as much to her."

"Edward, you need to listen to me. Bella's miscarriage wasn't just her falling down a flight of stairs. She was out for days; they had to do an emergency surgery. Damn, man! She almost died. They had her on pain meds around the clock. Get your head out of your ass! This is Bella we're talking about. Normal people fall down and they get up, brush themselves off and walk away. But when Bella falls, you know there are going to be broken bones. You have to hear it from her side. Edward, she loves you- Only you- and has since the moment you both met. You know this. Will Bella ever just come out and tell you how much she was hurting? Will she ever lay on you that kind of guilt? You know she is leaving shit out. Just talk to her," Emmett pressed..

I waited for Edward to respond and got nervous when I didn't hear him right away.

"Edward, these last four years are not her fault; they are mine." My heart almost stopped when I realized it was Jacob who had decided to speak. "I knew full well what was going on, and I didn't do anything to stop it."

"You're a bastard!" I heard Edward spit out.

"Listen to me. Bella ran, yes. I saw her hurt and it killed me. I hated you for making her cry. So I made it impossible for you to contact her. I kept every letter and every message you sent her. She didn't even know you had been trying to contact her until a few days ago. Listen, her falling and losing the baby, there is more to it. When she was being taken to the hospital, she was in and out of it. She doesn't remember anything. Edward, she started screaming _'the man with the coal eyes. Tell Edward, the man with the coal eyes.'_ Then she started just calling for you."

I leaned back against the wall in the corridor, and I slid down against it. I put my head back and tried desperately to take in what Jacob had revealed. The story he told seemed completely foreign to me.

"Edward, she called for you non-stop-saying she wanted you, that it was no use, and you wouldn't come. I panicked and wanted to call you, but I wimped out. After she got better and was able to get out of the hospital, we took her to the guest estate at Aro's, but we didn't realize just how much the miscarriage had affected her."

"What the hell are you talking about, Jacob? She was fine…"

Jacob cut Emmett off. "Yeah, she was then, but a few weeks after…Well, she tried to overdose on her painkillers and we almost lost her again. We had to force her to get help. That is why we couldn't let you see her when you came to Aro's. She was in a sedated state, and well, we didn't know what would set her off."

I covered my face at the memory of that cool evening in Italy, and how after taking my evening medication, my body suddenly lost itself and slumped into darkness. The worried faces that greeted me when I woke up were ones that I would never forget. Uncle Aro and Jacob wore the most haggard expressions. Jacob was trying to hold it together; first he yelled at me and then asked if I needed to talk to Charlie. Everything was so confusing, especially when I realized that my hands were strapped to the hospital bed.

I shook my mind and tried to focus on getting up and into that hotel room. This had to end; everyone was trying to play on Edward's love for me. They tried to make Edward feel guilty for things that were not in his control. This was not the way I wanted husband back.

_What if it's the only way?_

I shook my head; everyone trying to guilt Edward back into a relationship with me would never sit well with me.

I took a deep breath, rounded the corner and walked into the room slowly. I stepped past the door that was hanging off its hinges and cleared my throat as I entered. With four pairs of eyes on me, I looked up and saw Felix, who was leaning against the back wall with a soft and sad gaze. Jacob's was seated on the arm of the sofa near Emmett, who was in front of him and stood alert in case Edward and Jacob attacked each other again. I slowly turned my gaze to my love. He was squatting down and leaning against the wall nearest to the bar as he held his head in his hands.

He lifted his head slowly and looked at me. The pain and anger that was emphasized in his eyes was heartbreaking to watch. His look was wild, angry, and sad, so utterly sad.

"Bella, are you okay?" Emmett asked softly.

I nodded; my gaze was locked with Edward's. Suddenly, his brows creased and he stood up straight. He looked at Jacob, Emmett and then at me.

"When I came to Italy to see Aro and he told me you had moved on, you had already had the miscarriage?"

I looked at him with a confused expression, not sure what he was getting at. I nodded slowly. He then looked over at Emmett and Jacob.

"You said that you were freaking out when Bella got hurt and was in hospital, so who did you call, Jacob?" Edward asked slowly.

I turned and looked at Jacob, who was looking back and forth between Edward and me. Jacob's lips parted as he figured out what Edward was asking. An acidic level of tension began to rise within me, and I knew that the emotional time bomb that I had detonated earlier was ready to take its next victim. I stood still and closed my eyes and tried in vain to make myself invisible to everyone around me. I didn't want Edward to find out this way-that his brother had betrayed him in order to protect me. Edward didn't deserve it, and God knows, Emmett didn't deserve it either. I didn't want Edward to lose faith in the one person who had held me together in my darkest hour of need. I wasn't ready for Emmett to be on the receiving end of a mess that I had started because of my utter stupidity.

"Edward…" I called out in a shaking breath.

"Who did you call, Jacob?" Edward suddenly snapped. I flinched at the rage in his words.

"Bella, go back to your suite, honey," Emmett coaxed.

"Bella, you stay right where you are." Edward cut him off, his tone soft but assertive.

I stayed put, not moving an inch. I would never leave Emmett to face the wrath of Edward on his own. I got him into this mess; I had to do my best to help and try to soften the blow of Edward's anger.

"Oh my God, you knew, didn't you? You knew all this time because Jacob called you!" Edward voice was harsh and raw. I looked over at Emmett's broken expression and couldn't help myself.

"Edward, it's not his fault. I begged him not to tell. Please don't be upset with Emmett, please." I took a step forward as Edward took a step away from me. He kept his gaze on Emmett as he ran his hands through his hair.

"I can't fucking believe it. I just can't fucking believe it. My own brother!" Edward spat.

Emmett spoke softly, "Edward, it wasn't like that. And you know it."

"Then tell me how the fuck it was? Tell me, _brother_! Tell me, how it was?" Edward growled. "Tell me then, how can you explain that while I was going crazy looking for my wife, the love of my life, you just sat back and watched me drown in guilt over shit that I didn't even do?"

"You need to calm the fuck down. I am not excusing myself. Fuck! I am not excusing anything that has happened. But you weren't there! You didn't see what I saw. If you had been there, you'd understand why the fuck I didn't tell you!"

"It's so fucking convenient, isn't it? To keep throwing it at me that I wasn't there? Well, I would have loved to have been there if I had been invited to the fucking party!"

"Hey! Watch it, Edward!"

"Why the fuck should I even bother, brother? I mean you're going to be a father now, right? Aren't you glad you had the chance to be happy about it? Do you remember the moment Rosalie walked in and told you? Did she surprise you? Or did you both find out together? What did you think when you found out about that life growing in her belly? Knowing that you are going to be a daddy? Were you scared? Or were you elated? Jumping for joy? Did you kiss her, Em? Did you pick her up and make love to her right away? Did you treat her with extra love and affection, like she was some kind of fragile package now? Fuck, Em, did you get on your knees and kiss her belly? Did you talk to the kid growing in her? God knows, I would have done all that if I had been given a fucking chance." Edward's voice cracked with emotion, and he turned and leaned against the bar for support. He wouldn't even look at me.

My insides were churning, and my heart was completely broken as I watched what my mistakes had done to my husband. The fun-loving and energetic man I had fallen in love with so many years ago was now just a shell of his former self. Knowing that it wasn't some enemy who lurked in the shadows, or someone unfamiliar to Edward, that had wounded his soul so deeply weighed heavily on me, his own wife, the love of his life that had ruined him.

_You are a curse, Isabella Swan._

My inner thoughts shocked me.

_A curse? How? _

I lifted my eyes and glanced at Jacob, who was leaning with his arms above his head against the window, his eyes closed. He stood there, magnificent in his stance and boldness. He wasy knight in shining armor, my best friend, and my fiercest protector; Jacob gave up on being close to his dad and sisters to protect me. He walked away from a life that was normal-one where he surely could have found someone that would love him back. But he didn't; he chose to stay with me. He didn't do it for the money or privilege. No, Jacob Black did it because he loved me.

_Look where his love for you had gotten him._

I glanced toward Emmett, who had walked close to Edward but had kept himself far enough away in order to give him some breathing room. I could see the pained expression on Emmett'sface as he watched his brother, who agonized in despair over having found out the news about the loss of his unborn child. These men were not typical in their love for children. They truly loved their wives, and if they had a chance to have children with them, a symbol of their love that was more important than anything else in their lives, they'd jump on it in a heartbeat.

In my desire to blame Edward for everything, I had completely ignored what my colossal burden would do to these two brothers. While yes, I could have argued to myself that Emmett didn't have to go along with my request about not telling anyone, in my heart I knew, he would always do as I asked. Emmett loved me like he did Alice. He would always put we girls before Edward, Jasper and even himself.

_Look where his loyalty and love for you has gotten him._

I turned my back and slowly started to walk toward the mangled door.

"Running away again, Bella?" E dward quipped suddenly. I turned to see him watching me with his arms crossed. I opened my mouth to say something but decided against it. I quickly wiped my tears away with the back of my hands and just stood facing him as I suffered in silence.

He took a few steps toward me, and my heart began to race. I looked up at him, and he watched me closely as he approached me. I swallowed hard when I saw his lip was cut badly and blood was dripping down his chin. I took a dizzy step back and tried to breathe through my mouth and not my nose. As I started to titter back and forth from the sudden nausea, Edward reached out and caught me mid-fall.

I felt his warm arms circle around my waist, and the contact with his body sent an expected electric current flowing through my veins. The jolt jerked me up, and he held onto me tightly, as if I was going to slip through his hands.

He quickly cradled me against his chest, swiftly grasping my wrist, and pulled me to the door. While he did this, he kept his eyes on me, radiating a mix of emotions in my direction.

"We're going back to our suite, and we are checking out first thing in the morning. Until then, I expect everyone to leave us the hell alone." Edward's statement left no room for anyone to interfere.

I looked back over at everyone's worried expression and just nodded my goodbye as Edward pulled me into the corridor. We both stopped dead in our tracks as we came face to face with Rose and Sam. They both just looked down and gave us way. Rose squeezed my shoulder as I passed her.

Wewalked in silence all the way to our suite. When we entered the room, Edward led me to the sofa and sat me down. I watched as he went and got the room service menu, ordered a few things and asked how long it would take for the food to get to our room. After he got off the phone, I felt Edward's eyes on me. But I kept my gaze firmly planted on the coffee table in front of me; I didn't have a clue of what to do next. My mind was still on auto pilot from the events of the day.

I was unsure of how long I sat, surrounded by silence and under Edward's gaze, until the knock at the door provided us a little reprieve from our current situation. When the server left, I remained quiet and composed; I was utterly afraid to initiate any conversation.

As Edward's shoes came into view, I kept my head bent in submission and waited for him to make the first move. I anxiously tried so hard to remain still when suddenly Edward plopped down in front of me on the coffee table with a bowl of soup. I watched as he spooned the hot broth and cooled it before offering it to me. I glanced up into his eyes and was ready to crumble when I saw my old Edward back.

His eyes glistened with emotion, but he kept himself steady as he nodded for me to open my mouth. So I did. Without question or comment, I sat there and let him feed me the soup. When that was finished, he came back with a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich, only this time he took bites of it as well. We both just sat silently and stared at each other as we chewed and swallowed. When we finished our meal, I took sips of water from his glass and set it down. He slowly got up and extended his hand to me.

I looked at his palm a nd then up into his eyes. I was hesitant, but I wanted so badly to believe we could get past all of this. I made a silent prayer and settled my hand in his palm. He pulled me up and walked with me to the bedroom. He walked me right into the bathroom and over to the shower. He started the water and went to shut the bathroom door. He stood for a moment and watched me as the steam started to filter around us.

Slowly, he lifted his hands and began to undo the buttons of my dress. I let him, although I felt completely numb and cold. He slowly pushed the opened dress over my shoulders, letting it fall to the ground, which left me in just my bra and panties.

Edward swallowed hard as he suddenly started to undo his shirt and slipped it off. He made quick work of his shoes and socks before finally removing the remainder of this clothing. His body was magnificent. His toned arms and chiseled chest called for me to touch them. But I didn't, I just stood there and looked at him as I waited. He was in charge, and I was going to follow his lead. He stood before me and held my gaze as he reached around to unhook my bra. As it slid off and fell to my feet, I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. I suddenly felt his hands on my hips as hooked his skilled fingers to the sides of my panties and pulled them down to my ankles. I felt him slowly stoke my ankle, and I instinctively stepped out of them for him. I opened my eyes and met his emerald ones right away. I suddenly felt my nakedness and pulled my hands to cover my breasts.

Edward reached up, pulled my hands away and shook his head. He placed his hand into the shower and checked the water temperature. He slowly stepped in, holding the curtain back to invite me to join him. He moved us both under the water and held me to him as we started to get drenched. As I stood there under the water and heard Edward's steady heartbeat, I couldn't hold back any longer, and my emotions escaped me. I let out a soft, unrestrained sob as he pulled back and cupped my face, running his thumbs under my eyes to wipe away the tears. He took some soap and lathered it up as he massaged my shoulders and body. Slowly, he bent down and washed the soap from my right foot and then my left. He moved his long and slender fingers up one leg and down the other. For me, his touches soothed and worked away all my tension. I knew they weren't meant to be erotic in nature.

Once we were done with the shower, he quickly wrapped me in a warm towel and proceeded to tenderly dry my body. He grabbed one of his t-shirts and slipped it over me; it draped over my body until the middle of my thighs. Then, Edward just grabbed a pair of boxers and slipped them on quickly.

He pulled me to our bed. I looked down at it and remembered how wonderful it had felt to wake up next to him this morning. As he shut the light and tucked us in, we both lay on our backs and stared at the ceiling above us. A few minutes later, I felt him thread his fingers through mine. I exhaled a sigh of relief and just lay down, unmoving, and tried not to think too much about the day or what the next day was going to bring.

The bed suddenly shifted, and I felt Edward lean down to settle his head around my stomach. Edward lifted my shirt slightly and stroked my lower abdomen. My body suddenly shuddered when I felt Edward's lips on my skin. I still just lay there, not sure what I could or could not do. Frankly, I was too afraid to do anything that might make him stop.

"I don't know where we are headed, Bella." I closed my eyes when I heard Edward speak to me for the first time since we re-entered our suite.

_Just listen to him. Don't read too much into it. Let him just talk it out. _

"But I know we have a lot to talk about. There are a lot of things we need to sort out before we can really make any type of official decision about our future." I reached up and brought my fisted hand to my mouth and prayed that my internal emotional rift would not spill out while he spoke.

"Bella, I want you to know that you would have made an excellent mother and that, clearly, losing the baby is not your fault. I want you to know that I love you, more than anything. I wish I could have been there when you needed me the most. I'm sorry I wasn't. I'm sorry I didn't come after you sooner, and most off all, I'm sorry I wasn't there to catch you when you fell."

My tears flowed freely again, and I shook my head. "Edward, stop. I'm…"

"Shhhh, baby, I know, baby, I know." Edward suddenly shifted his position, so he held me in his arms as he leafed his fingers through my hair. A few more moments passed in silence and my sniffles started to die down.

There were unspoken words that had pierced my soul since I had learned the truth about Edward and Tanya —well, just about everything after that really. Suddenly, I realized that I needed to tell him what those words were. They needed to be said, no matter the outcome, for this was an essential part to the restoration of our souls.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"I really wish I had stayed," I whispered.

"I really wish I hadn't let you go," Edward whispered back.

"This is not your fault, Edward, this is…." My emotions choked my words.

"It isn't entirely yours, either." Edward soothed.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, I needed to tell him one last time how I felt.

"Edward, I'm really sor…"

Edward cut me off. "I know, love. So am I, Bella. So am I."

A/N: HEA: Happily-ever-after

Thank you, for your passionate reviews Xoxo—FunkyD.

Translation:

Devi essere onesta con noi, passerotto mio, niente di questo è colpa tua: You need to be honest with us, my little bird, this is not your fault.

Ti sto dicendo la verità zio, lo guiro: I'm telling you the truth, Uncle, I swear it.

Dimmi, cosa vuoi. Qualunque cosa e la faro: Tell me what you want. Tell me anything and I will do it.

Voglio Edward: I want Edward.

Non essere così cieca, sei amata da molti uomini, Isabella. Ne hai uno proprio accanto a te. :Don't be so blind, you are loved by many men, Isabella. You have one right next to you.

Amo lui. Voglio lui. Sarà sempre lui. :I love him, I want him. It will always be him.


	17. When a Man Loves a Woman

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB beta's, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Seventeen

**When a Man Loves a Woman**

I leaned against the window and looked out at the clear night sky; it was littered with stars that shined bright. I let out a deep sigh and turned to look at the love of my life as she rested in an uncomfortable slumber. Even after I had found out about the things that Bella had hidden from me, and after everything that had happened, I still loved her. I wanted her. I needed her.

My eyes rested on her beautiful body, and I wondered if the outcome would have still been the same if she had stayed instead of running away four years ago. I wished I had a do over, where you could turn back the sands of time and just undo past mistakes. I had to cling to the hope that we would have made responsible choices if given a second chance to do it all over again.

I made my way over to the armchair that sat in the corner of our room and slid down into it. I took a deep breath and watched my Bella sleep. Running my hands through my hair, I thought about everything that had come to pass since this all began.

The first moment I saw Isabella Swan, at the local university pub in Chicago, I knew my life would never be the same. Until that second, she had always been just some random girl my mother and father had taken care of. To me, she was just another charity case, just another thank you-letter. While I knew my mother had invested far more time and energy on her than any other patient, it wasn't presumptuous of me to assume that it was because she was Aro Volturi's great-niece. But all of that changed the moment I saw Bella in person. As soon as Emmett and I walked into that bar, and I locked my eyes onto that heart-shaped face with chocolate brown eyes, I realized, without a doubt, why my parents were so taken with her. I remember how, for the first time in my life, I felt nervous and tongue-tied at the idea of approaching such a beautiful girl. So what did I do? I hid. I ran to the back of the bar, started up a game of pool to help me collect my thoughts and resolved to find the best approach for how to meet and greet Isabella Swan. Lady Luck was on my side that night. When she decided to come and sit in the secluded section of the bar near my pool table, I knew then that it was now or never. When a flirtatious waitress slid over next to me, asking what I wanted to drink, I made my move and ordered Bella a coke. When she accepted it, it was the ice breaker I needed to urge me to talk to her. And the moment she spilled her drink on me, I was infatuated.

It became very apparent to me early on in our conversation that she didn't know who I was. What struck me the most was that she never tried to impress me. She was, in all honesty, just being herself. I was, however, very aware of how uncomfortable Bella had become with all the attention we had garnered from the locals at the bar. On most nights, I would had flirted and found a few girls to keep me entertained and occupied, but not that night. That night, I was one hundred percent Bella Swan's, and I wondered if she would even give me a chance to get to know her better. At least, I dared to hope she would do.

As Bella let her guard down a bit and I was able to pull her out of her shell, I was greeted by an amazing young girl who was able to captivate me with her effortless beauty and remarkable mind. All I knew was that, to me, Bella Swan was an enigma, and I needed to be patient. I needed to learn how to peel back all the layers under which she hid herself, and I was sure I would be able to truly catch a glimpse of her soul.

I smiled as I wrote her the note and made sure that she knew who I was. I slid the small piece of paper toward her. Even though I wanted nothing more than to kiss those perfectly plump lips of hers, I had to settle for the side of her face instead. I ghosted my lips over the apple of her cheek and left Bella stunned. When I walked away from her that night, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. It was the first time that I hadn't given in to my carnal nature and just done what I wanted with whomever I wanted. I knew she was special, and for that reason, I knew I had to wait. What I had no way of knowing, though, was that it would be the first of many times that I would put Bella's feelings, needs and desires before my own.

We spent a few amazing days together, and every moment brought us closer together. I was captivated by her laugh, her smile and the way her eyes would light up at the smallest thing. While I knew my mother and father loved Bella, it wasn't until I saw them interact with her that I truly understood how important Bella was to them. She was so much more than just a patient or the niece of my dad's best friend. Isabella Swan was everything my family never knew they needed. I remember how quickly we moved with our secret kisses and heated moments. I never had to exercise any kind of restraint with women until Bella had come along. Waiting until Bella was ready was a very foreign concept to me. I used to be a man who was used to taking what I wanted on my terms and not someone else's.

She was so sweet and innocent; I was actually surprised at how willing she was to let our passion escalate. However, we were both consenting adults, and I knew that I hadn't pressured her to move forward in our still undetermined relationship, so I threw caution to the wind and just went with it. When Rose found us in a heavy make-out session, I thought she was going to out us. To my surprise, Rose told me that everyone was pretty much aware of everything, and no matter how discreet we thought we were, we hadn't fooled anyone. She just told me to be careful because Bella wasn't used to "this kind of thing," and that I needed to be more delicate with her. She also reminded me that Bella was returning home in a few days.

The pain I felt at the mere thought of being separated from Bella was nothing compared to the pain I felt when that dreadful day arrived and I was actually telling my love, goodbye. I did my best to be strong and reassure her that we would see each other soon. Along with making sure to exchange cell phone numbers and email addresses, I was ready to supply her with a web cam so we could see each other online while we were inbetween visits. I was convinced that we could make it work.

I remember how I stood with Bella in my arms at the airport and kissed her deeply. The idea that we were going to be separated was so painful. I wanted nothing more than for her to stay or to ask her if I could go back to Forks with her. But it was pointless. As much as I knew that Bella stirred something in me, I didn't know how to define it. What was even more unnerving was the thought that, if I voiced my desires openly and honestly, it would have spooked Bella. Because no matter how confused I was as to how to handle my feelings, it was obvious the current situation was far more frightfully unknown to Bella.

So I did nothing and watched her walk away.

Within a few days of Bella's departure, a scumbag paparazzo contacted me. He sent me some pictures of Bella and me in a tight embrace at the airport. At first, I got lost in the picture that showed us kissing with such wild abandon. Then it dawned on me what the note attached by the pap was asking. Such a foreign feeling of protectiveness came over me that I called that bastard and told him I would sue his ass if he even dared to sell them to anyone. I had my father work every angle he could; even Jasper stepped up to ask his mentor at law school to pull some strings. But my efforts were futile. A few days later, I woke up to see the dreadfully intrusive pictures splattered everywhere. And I couldn't help but feel that I had failed Bella in the worst possible way.

I stopped eating and sleeping. My thoughts were consumed by how much pain and invasion to her privacy Bella must have been feeling. It didn't help matters that they had called her my "latest conquest," something that couldn't be further from the truth. The never-ending questions and relentless probing by paparazzi and reporters, who were trying to analyze piece by piece our undefined bond, only showed me how life would be for her if she stayed with me.

I was used to this hell. It had never mattered before because I hadn't been in love with any of the women I'd been linked to. That was when it dawned on me-what I felt for Bella. I was in love with her.

After the realization that I, Edward Cullen, was capable of being in love, the hardest thing for me to recognize was how much of a fucking coward I really was. I knew that she was being dragged through the media gauntlet, and I couldn't even muster the tiniest bit of courage needed to pick up the phone and call her. Fuck! I didn't even possess a single decent bone in my body. I just sat back and let her go through the mess that went along with being thrust into the national spotlight.

Even though Esme and Alice were the ones who called her, they always made sure to tell me that she was fine. It didn't escape my notice that Bella never left me a message. If she did, they never let me know. That bothered me more than I had ever let on. I was consumed by thoughts of her, while she was off to start school again and apparently, she was _fine_. I remember how I convinced myself that maybe her silence meant that what we had during her stay in Chicago didn't mean as much to her as it did to me. So, I decided it was best to let sleeping dogs lie and move on.

All of that was shot to hell the moment I ran across an article that had a picture of Bella with some preppy douchebag from her college. I was ready to light the magazine on fire when the article mentioned something about Bella and her dating style. The fucking article stated that while she liked to date, she was happily single. My heart hurt, but the masochist in me had to continue searching the article for a picture of her. When I found one of her and Mr. Douchebag, I had to smile.

I pulled out the carefully folded picture that the paparazzo had taken of us at the airport and compared it to the one in the magazine. Gone was the light in her eyes; the smile she gave the fucker was polite and platonic. She wore a dress that made her look like an uptight school teacher. I laughed in relief when I realized that the glowing beauty that I had fallen in love with only glowed for me! It could only mean that maybe I was totally wrong about my assumptions on how Bella felt. Maybe she had felt the same way about me.

I returned home and begged Alice, my greatest confidant and supporter, to come with me to Forks so that I could talk to Bella in person. Of course, she agreed. She was so excited. She kept screaming, on and on, as she jumped up and down, how it was, "About freaking time that I got my head out of my ass."

The trip to Forks was a blur, and before I knew it, I was on Bella's porch and knocking at her door. Her father answered, and after a few awkward moments, I explained who I was. Charlie Swan sized me up and didn't hold back his impression of me. It was the first of many times that Charlie spoke his mind freely and clearly to me; frankly, it is something that I've always appreciated about him. I just stood there and took it like a man. Fuck, at that point I was willing to walk through fire, even hell itself, if it meant that I got to be with Bella. When he was done with his diatribe, he told me she was out with Jacob but would be back soon. I knew from the way he said his name that he wanted to get a rise out of me.

So Alice and I sat on the porch and waited patiently for her. When she finally pulled up, it was like my world had stopped. Everything froze and only Bella and I existed within my range of consciousness. When she didn't move right away, I was afraid that maybe I had come on a fool's errand, that I was too late and I had missed my chance. But then, she ran blithely to me and into my arms. At that moment, I knew, I just knew, that I had found my mate and my destiny. I also knew that I would never be able to let her go.

I rubbed my face as the memory faded away and leaned back against the chair. Why was all of this so fucked up? I loved my wife. I loved my wife more than anything in the world; all I wanted was for us to get married and to have babies so we could have lived happily ever after. Was that so wrong? Was that too much to ask for? My blood started to boil inside me. I clenched my fists and made my way to the bedroom door. I glanced back at my sleeping angel and slowly slipped out of the room, as I shut the door quietly behind me.

Once I reached the bar in the living room, I started to filter past all the different brands of cognac, brandy and wines. I stopped when I found my power drink and started to pour myself a glass of Johnnie Walker Blue Label whiskey. I shot the drink down fast, rejoicing as it mercilessly burned down my throat. I welcomed the pain it brought me, as well as the predictable side-effect of awakening my body. I poured myself another shot, before I sat back on the plush armchair and looked at the deep amber-colored liquid in my glass.

"Hey, JW, it's been a while, my nightly companion," I murmured into the glass and took another long sip.

How the fuck had it all gone wrong-again? Ah right! Tanya—the chic I went to prep school with, who I recently found out was a crazy stalker chick from my time at prep school; she was the reason my life was a soap opera. I should have listened to my instincts when I found out she was the lead member of the merger team I had to work with. Frankly, I was stupid to think that time changes people. At first, I was prepared to hand over the project to my second-in-charge and just monitor the situation from afar, but after Tanya presented a very thorough pitch, I had to admit her work impressed me. So, against my better judgment, I decided to work with her myself.

Even though it was obvious that Tanya had matured some, and she did know how to do her job well, I still kept my guard up. Just call it a crazy old instinct, but I didn't trust that woman. I finished my drink and walked over to the balcony doors. I lifted my eyes to the clear glass of the doors and the memory of that miserable night started playing in my mind, like a projector.

"_Edward, maaaaan, we did it! Thish ish awsh-some!" I chuckled as Peter was helped to the door by Justin._

"_Are you sure I can't call him a cab?" _

_Justin shook his head. "Don't stress it out, Edward. I am used to taking this guy home after our celebration parties." _

_I waved them off, quickly shutting the front door, and walked toward the main living room. I picked up a few empty Heineken bottles and took them to the kitchen to throw them into the bin. Once I walked back into the living room, I started collecting the plates and another series of empty beer bottles. Checking my watch, I wondered if it was a good time to call Bella and tell her the good news about my team finally closing the deal on this crazy merger. _

"_Edward?" I turned, a female voice quickly pulling me out of my stupor, and saw that Tanya and Colleen were behind me, smiling. _

"_Whoa. You ladies scared me. I thought everyone had already left." _

"_Sorry, Edward, we were touching up our makeup in the bathroom. I guess we'll just get out of your way now." Colleen giggled as she walked toward the door. "Come on, Tanya."_

_Tanya smiled at me, and I nodded as I followed them to the door. "Thank you again for dropping by, ladies. This celebration was a great way to end a great team project. You both get home safe now."_

_I was about to reach for the door knob when Tanya's voice stopped me. _

"_Colleen, you go ahead. I'm gonna stay and help Edward with the clean up." As I turned, I caught a glimpse of a confused Colleen and a smiling Tanya. I would have loved help in tidying up the kitchen, but being alone with Tanya just didn't sit well with me. _

"_Hey, I really don't need the help. I am just going to pick up the necessary stuff. Besides, I have a cleaning crew coming in the morning," I lied._

"_Oh, Edward, really, it's no problem! Plus, we've been so busy, I don't even know what Rose and Emmett have been up to. It would be wonderful to catch up on our old school days, don't you think?" She smiled her flirty smile and, against my better judgment, I gave in. _

"_Sure, I mean-I guess we could finish faster." I gestured for Tanya to go back toward the living room. I turned to a reluctant Colleen. _

"_Edward, I brought her here, so she will need a ride home." _

"_It's okay, I'll call her a cab. Thank you for everything, Colleen." I watched as she made her way down the driveway and hopped into her car. I waved as she flashed her lights and drove away. _

_I walked back into the living room and picked up a few more bottles and plates. I stepped into the kitchen and saw Tanya pull out a bottle of wine and two glasses. _

"_I thought we could take a trip down memory lane with some wine. I think the occasion certainly calls for it, don't you?" She smirked. I smiled and shrugged as I started to finish clearing up the kitchen._

_I hesitantly took the glass she offered and just decided that a simple conversation about school was all right. _

_Conversation with Tanya wasn't as hard as I had thought it would be. We easily fell back into old stories about prep school and my college days. She was very interested in knowing how Bella and I had become an item. I was all too happy to share with her my tale of love and marriage. I talked to her about this intense sense of completion that I felt, and how I just knew that I had found my soul mate in my lovely wife. It was when we finished cleaning up that I realized it was pouring outside. _

"_Tanya, I think I should call you a cab. It's getting really late." I got up to grab the phone and call directory assistance, so they could text me back with the number of a local cab company. Well, that was my intention, at least. Before I had a chance to even press the first button, I heard Tanya sniffle. I turned to see her looking at a picture of Bella in her wedding dress. _

"_Edward, it must be so amazing to have someone you love so much, and for them to love you back." I smiled as I walked over and took the picture from her. I stroked the picture of my darling and felt such joy. _

"_Sometimes, I can't even believe how lucky I am that I have her, you know? I mean, it's not like things are always easy. But at the end of the day, having her in my arms, surrounded by her love, makes it all right in the world. I really couldn't ask for more." _

"_What about nights like tonight? With her being gone? Doesn't her traveling bother you, Eddie?" I cringed, hearing her say my name like that. I hated it in high school, and I absolutely loathed it now. As I pondered my answer, I leaned down and placed my love's picture back on the side table. I felt Tanya's posture shift as she got closer to me. I instinctively took two steps back and let out a deep breath. _

"_Though it is hard to be away from someone you love so much, Tanya, this is important to Bella. I have never stood in the of anything she's wanted to do since before we were married and frankly, I don't plan on changing that ever. I mean, how do you do it? You and I both know the amount of traveling you have done for this merger. How does Johan take your trips?" _

_Tanya let out a strangled laugh when I mentioned her boyfriend. "He couldn't stand it, Edward. No boyfriend of mine has ever really been okay with me traveling so much. That is why I am single. S-I-N-G-L-E."_

_That comment took me by total surprise. "Tanya, you have got to be kidding me? Johan and you are done? I ran into your mother just a few months ago in Chicago, and she was talking about how serious things had gotten."_

"_Well, that is exactly what I thought. But I came home one day from a business trip to Miami, only to find Johan packing up and moving out." She looked so defeated with her confession. I watched as she abruptly sat down and put her head in her hands. When I heard her crying softly, I tried to calm the freaked-out feeling that rose within me. _

What the hell was I supposed to do with a crying woman in my living room? Fuck. Why the hell didn't I just make her go home with Colleen?

_I let out a deep breath and knelt down near her, channeling my inner-Jasper because he sure as fuck would have known how to handle an emotional female. _

"_Hey, Tanya?" I nudged her. "Hey, come on, look at me." _

_She slowly lifted her head. I gave her a friendly smile. "You know? If he was stupid enough to let you go for such an insignificant reason, then fuck him. I mean, if he can't see that you are an amazing, independent woman, then you should consider yourself lucky. You shouldn't cry over that loser. You should really aim for a guy who can appreciate you completely, beauty and brains-travelling included." I finished with another reassuring and affable smile. _

"_Edward, you really can't tell, can you?" she cried out suddenly. "I have been in love with you since I met you. And I've tried so hard for you to see me in a different light. Oh, Edward! You have no idea how hard it has been for me." _

_I shuddered and was taken aback by her admission. I didn't know if I should stand and ran or stay where I was. So utterly freaked out, I chose the latter and tried to maintain some semblance of control on the insanity of the situation. _

_Suddenly, without warning, she lunged forward and gave me a hug. I fell back, with her weight unexpectedly landing on my lap, and I had to plant one hand behind me to keep myself from falling farther. _

"_Uh, Tanya, come, come now. It will all turn out okay,; really, it will." I tried to get up and pull away from her, but Tanya held onto my waist even tighter and sobbed harder. I tried to pull her off me, but Tanya had chosen that moment to start talking about all the times in prep school she had wanted to confess her love to me and all the time that had escaped us. _

_The more she spoke and sobbed, the more I realized that maybe her boyfriends hadn't left her because of her work ethic; maybe they had left her because they found out just how emotionally unstable she really was._

"_Eddie, I just…" Without warning, Tanya moved her head up and locked her gaze with mine. My eyes widened, and, God only knows for how many seconds, everything was in slow motion. I watched in horror as she closed her eyes and puckered up her lips. I swear she sported a fish face as she moved toward my mouth. I tried to move back, but it was too late. My whole face cringed as I felt her dry and cracked lips against mine. It all lasted for about a millisecond, and it was enough to send me into shock. I pulled back so fast that she stumbled forward at the sudden lack of support and had to reach out to grab my arm to keep herself from falling._

"_TANYA, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" I screamed, as I forcefully wiped my mouth while I twisted my face in clear disgust. I was way past the point of caring to even consider if my actions of repulsion caused her grief. _

_She furrowed her brows and her lower lip quivered. Suddenly, she let out a God-awful wail and started to sob even harder. I was so freaked out at the tone and pitch of her cry that I instinctively covered my ears. I wracked my mind as to how the hell was I supposed to get out of this ultra-utter-super-hyper shitty situation. As I reached out to pat her on the back, in a somewhat consoling manner__—__at that point, anything was fair game in order to stop her from making that horrendously screeching sound__—__she suddenly looked up at me and my worst nightmare came to life. _

_Tanya opened her mouth and abruptly, instead of words, I was showered, from head to toe, with projectile vomit. _

_NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! __NO! NO! NO! OH, GOD! __SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW!_

_After I managed to grab two towels for her and me to use, I quickly pulled us toward the guest room bathroom where I left her in front of the porcelain basin to finish her purging. I debated whether or not to call the fucking cab company as I hurried to clean up the living room floor and threw away the towel I had been working with. However, I decided against calling them when I realized how hard it would be to get her into a cab in the state she was in and, not to mention, the smell. I let out a deep sigh and walked back to the guest room. I was going to ask her, once I made sure she was done with her "business," if she wanted me to lend her some of Bella's old jeans and a t-shirt so she didn't have to go home all messy. As I called out for her and entered the guest room, I found her curled up on the bed, under the covers and thankfully, fast asleep. I watched her for a second, debating about what to do. After a few minutes, I realized how creepy it was of me to just stand there and watch her sleep. Evidently, I had much better things to do-starting with cleaning myself up. I leaned down, picking up Tanya's soiled clothes that she had tossed all over the floor, and took them with me to get washed. _

_I walked into the master bedroom and started stripping off my clothes right away. My shirt was already gone, so I pulled off my undershirt, along with my pants and boxers. I flung everything on the floor, deciding that I would put Tanya's clothes and mine in the washing machine after I took a shower. I walked into the bathroom and started to cleanse myself from the fucked-up remnants of my crazy evening. _

_I loved how the scalding water that engulfed me made me feel. I thought of what my Bella's beautiful face would be like when I got to tell her about the massively messed- up evening that I'd d had. I imagined how she would laugh and never let me live it down. I would totally suck up my humiliation if that meant it would put a smile upon her face. I chuckled as I realized that she would probably tell Emmett. That made me remember how Tanya, at one time, was kind of infatuated with him. This current situation was way too crazy. _

_I hummed to myself as I thought of Bella coming home in two weeks. I couldn't wait to have her back. I realized it had been a long time since I had bought her a gift and then figured that she would most likely get upset if I got her something shiny and new; she had this weird thing about me spending money on her. I chuckled when I remembered the lecture she gave me when I had dared to buy her a diamond bracelet for our first year anniversary. _

_A soft chiming sound pulled me out of my thoughts. I stopped and waited to see if I would hear it again. When I heard nothing, I continued to lather my body with more soap. I quickly reached for the shampoo and started to work on my hair. As I stood under the heated water, I felt a cool breeze hit my exposed leg. For some reason, that gave me an unsettling sensation, so I submerged myself in warm water again and hastily finished cleaning myself. I quickly shut off the water and climbed out of the shower. I grabbed a towel as I walked out into the bedroom and wrapped it around my waist. The room was dark, just as I had left it. I glanced at the bed and realized it look a little disturbed. I shrugged it off since I hadn't even notice if it was fully made when I first entered the bedroom. I glanced down and saw Tanya's clothes and mine haphazardly scattered on the floor. _

_An ominous feeling came over me; it felt like something sacred had been defiled when I saw her clothes lying there all thrown about by the foot of the bed. In my hurry to wash-up, I hadn't stopped to consider how, Tanya's clothes mixed with mine, would make me feel. Bella's smiling face flashed before my eyes, and I realized that the eerie feeling was due to the fact that this was certainly no place for Tanya's clothes. This was a bedroom that my wife and I shared. I quickly bent down, picked them up and walked to the laundry. A burst of cool air hit me as I rounded the corner. I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw the front door wide open. I dropped the clothes to the side and hesitantly walked to the front door. As I looked outside into the dark and thundering night, I couldn't make out any shadows or outlines of people. I shrugged the uneasy feeling away. As I shut the door, I thanked God that the reason behind the front door being opened wasn't Tanya performing a drunken dance in the rain. Because I don't care how much of an asshole it would make me, if she were running outside in her underwear, I would throw her foul clothes out into the rain, lock the damn door and never look back. _

_I chuckled as I turned to set the alarm. I glanced down and froze. There by the front door, all wet and leaking, sat Bella's travel suitcase. _

_What the Fuck?_

_Of course what happened the next day was a memory that would always be seared into my mind. I was worried about Bella and had called her all night, with no luck. After I got Tanya into a cab early the next morning, I tried reaching Bella once again. When it went straight to voicemail, I assumed her battery was dead, or that the airport had delivered her bags early by mistake. I just couldn't explain how they would have gotten past a locked door. Later when I couldn't get a hold of Jacob either, I found myself a little panicked. But when I heard the front door open and saw Bella walk in, I remembered breathing a sigh of relief. _

_Yet, instead of a loving wife, Bella came home and screamed her accusations at me. Jacob stood and waited as she frantically packed her things. Anytime I tried to go near her, she raged at me. I followed her outside and tried to reason with her, but she ended up yelling at me one too many times and I finally lost my temper. I snapped and yelled back at her. I told her she was crazy and delusional. That pushed Bella to her limit and she reached out and slapped me. _

_I was shocked and just stood there. We stared at each other for a few furious minutes and, of course, Jacob had to be her rescuer. He pulled her with him to the car, and I just stood there and watched it all. I watched as my beloved covered her face in her hands and drove off. _

_I stalked into the house and roared in anger. At the time, I was way too angry to do anything remotely rational. I was mad—correction— I was livid. I wanted to punch Jacob Black's fucking mug, because I knew, I just knew, that he had something to do with her coming back so furious at me. I knew she would calm down and come back-eventually. No matter how bad we fought, she always came back. So, I told myself, I would just wait, and be patient. _

_Fucking fool!_

Coming back to the present, I finished my drink and clenched the glass in my hands. If I had just followed her, and not let her out of my sight, none of this would have happened. If I had just pinned her down and made her listen to me. Goddamnit. If I had just dragged her over to Tanya's and had the stupid hag just tell her the truth, maybe we wouldn't be where we were today!

I wanted to rip my hair out; I wanted to punch a fucking wall. This was not the shit I had signed up for. One misunderstanding was all it took, wasn't it? One fucking misunderstanding was enough for my whole world to be shot to hell. The realization was hard to believe. It was all just so messed up. This was clearly not the life I had envisioned for myself. There was a nagging feeling inside my brain that just wanted me finish this-to get over it all. I mean, after everything that had happened, there just seemed to be so many forces against us. I sighed in disgust and realized I had, once again, let my stupid mind wander off. This always led me to ponder on those ridiculous conspiracy theories that had filtered in and out of my mind over these past four years. There was a deep part of me that wanted to cut my losses and just run.

_Divorce her and let her be free. Let her pick the pieces of her life and move on._ I shook my head in abhorrence at those planted thoughts.

_James, get out of my head!_

It wasn't that I wanted to stay with Bella out of obligation or because she fit perfectly in my close-knit family. Nor did I want to stay with her because I feared change and cherished the routine and stability so much. No, I wanted to stay with her because I love her, and only her. She fucking completes me. I know I sounded like Jerry fucking Maguire, a vile cliché, but it was fucking true. I knew these crazy thoughts were just that. Crazy. I poured myself some more whisky and just drank it in one gulp, coughing a little at the burn and completely missing the rich taste of the liquor. I picked up the bottle and put it back in its rightful place at the bar. I acknowledged the fact that this strong drink wasn't exactly like those mini fucking bottles that the hotel usually supplied the rooms with. I stroked the neck of the beautifully crafted container with my thumb, reminding myself that my drinking needed limits.

_Remember Vegas?_

I rubbed my hands over my face, in an effort to push away the thought.

I couldn't divorce Bella. I already knew what it felt like to have her missing in my life these past four years. It was pure agony not knowing where she was, what she was up to or if I wanted to further torture myself, imagining her moving on with someone else. After all this time, I knew, more than ever, that Bella was the love of my life. There was simply no other woman for me but Bella. She was the first and only woman who was able to make an indelible, permanent connection with my soul. Her beauty and innocence made me want to protect her, love her and just be with her as we grew old and gray together. I closed my eyes as the images of a pregnant Bella came to mind. I pressed the palms of my hands against the cool granite and tried hard not to let my emotions overtake me.

It was not fair. FUCK! It just wasn't. I wanted a happy and complete life! With a wife and a child whom I could adore, protect and lavish with all my love, with my entire being. I wanted Bella pregnant and moody-yelling at me for not putting the cap back on the toothpaste, waking me up in the middle of the night telling me she wanted pickles and fucking Rocky Road ice cream. I wanted to be there when we needed to rush her into the hospital when her water broke; I wanted to hear her scream at me, yell at me about how big of an asshole I was for getting her pregnant. I wanted to cry out of pure happiness and bliss when we held our baby together. We'd count all ten fingers and ten toes, smiling at the perfection in our arms, proud beyond words, as we gazed at the magnificent baby that _we_ made together. The child would have been the culmination-a tangible manifestation of the immense love we had for one another. I wanted it all. More importantly, I wanted it all with her.

I sighed, rubbed my hands over my face and slid down to rest against the base of the bar. I closed my eyes when my mind travelled to thoughts about Bella's miscarriage. I fought against the images my mind conjured up of her falling down those steps. The pain and panic all over her face filtered through my mind. My stomach churned in torture because suddenly all I could hear was her voice as she cried out my name, not in ecstasy but in agony and despair. Yet again, I clutched my hair in my hands, poisoning my mind as I envisioned how her desolate and anguished cries for me to come and help her went unheeded. A wave of anger rose inside me as Jacob's words finally echoed through my mind. "_The man with the coal black eyes."_

Bella was trying to tell me something, but what? Was she trying to tell me that she had recognized someone? Did someone push her? I smacked the back of my head against the bar. Despite her thinking I had cheated on her, or that I was leaving her, she still trusted me enough to want my help.

This also made me think about something that, at the moment, had been kept securely in the recesses of my mind. Someone was out to get Bella, and it was clearly more than some feeble attempt to scare her. That disturbing stunt they pulled when they put Renee's gravestone in Bella's suite was just too stealthy and too fucked up for it not to be done by professionals. At that moment, I hadn't had time to think about it clearly, only because a great part of me had wanted to smash someone's skull —namely Jacob's— against the wall as I'd heard my wife utter _his_ name when she had seen the mess inside her suite. I barely managed to relinquish the urge to rip that bastard a new one. I completely blamed him for taking my wife away from me, and I totally blamed him for filling her head with crazy notions that questioned my fidelity.

Just the thought about giving that dickhead the beating of his life made me remember the names on my little list of "son of bitches who needed a good ass kicking." Jacob Black was number one and a close second was that dumb fuck Aro Volturi. I didn't even care that he was Bella's uncle. Fuck it. He had not only intentionally lied to me, but he had also made sure to keep my wife far away from me. I was in that fucker's house, and I begged him —yes, I begged— to let me see her. My wife was ill, yet he refused to let me. What killed me what the fact that he fully knew how much she _needed_ me.

Everything was just so fucked up. How Bella lost the baby almost broke me into pieces. I covered my eyes with the palms of my hands and just tried hard to rationalize Bella's actions. She was hurt, scared and needed space. She was given bad advice after wrong advice, and she let too many people get involved in our business. I didn't make it easy for her to come back either; especially if you consider the countless pictures that were taken of me at premieres, with several different women hanging off of my arm. Not a single one was a date. But I knew what I was doing. Yeah, I'm an absolute jack-ass when I want to be. I did it all out of anger and retaliation against Bella. I knew it would make her blood boil to see me posing with all those women. Deep inside I knew that, no matter how platonic the picture was or no matter how kosher everything looked, it would get a rise out of her.

Fuck! I just wanted her to contact me, even if it was to lash out at me. Instead, my stupidity set me up to have my picture taken with the very woman who Bella thought I had an affair with. The pain she must have felt when she saw it, not really knowing the truth behind the circumstances surrounding the captured image, must have been excruciating.

It was a feeling I knew all too well.

While I understood everything Bella did, it was a hard pill to swallow. I had to fully acknowledge the fact that Tanya's mere presence in my proximity had caused Bella not only to think the worst of me, but also caused her such insecurity that it made her want to run in despair and anguish. Maybe if she had not run away that fateful night, maybe if she had believed me when I tried to explain to her what had really happened, then maybe I'd be a father right now.

I quickly stood up and grabbed the empty glass that had harbored my whisky. Thinking about all of the "what ifs" and all of the "what could have beens" would definitely end up killing me. What I really needed to start thinking about was my future and I needed to finally decide how Bella was going to be in it.

I strongly gripped my drained glass when thoughts of what Bella had kept from me came back to the forefront of my mind.

_Calm down, it is not her fault!_

Of course, it is not her fault! Fuck! It's all mine!

I clenched my teeth as I replayed that horrible night again and again in my mind. Replaying it specifically to the point where Colleen and Tanya were standing at the front door of my house, and Tanya suggested her idea to stay behind and help me with clean up. In my mind, I would stand tall and say out loud, _"Sorry, Tanya, I have to make a call to my lovely wife. It would best if you went home with Colleen. Besides, we all have a busy day tomorrow."_

If I had the chance, I would purposefully go back to that specific moment and change everything! I wanted to rage and roar at my situation. I wanted to break this whole damn room apart. I stalked toward the mirror across the room and lifted the empty glass in my hand. My blood started to boil to a toxic level, and I felt a pungent fire start to rise within me. I stared at my reflection and hated what I saw.

_We failed, Bella and me. We managed to fuck up a two year marriage on a bunch of shit that wasn't even TRUE! _

I pulled my hand back to throw the carefully constructed crystal against the mirror, when an electric hum filtered through my body.

"Edward?"

I turned quickly and saw that my sweetheart stood in the doorway of the bedroom. She looked so meek and scared, just standing there in my t-shirt. Her hair softly cascaded down her shoulders, all messy as it framed her face. Her eyes were wide and worried as she tried to decipher what it was that she was seeing. When she slowly bit her lower lip, and stood all insecure, I started feeling a sudden stirring in the pit of my stomach. I closed my eyes, bent my head and tried to keep my instincts at bay. It was really not a suitable time for going down _that_ road. I pinched the bridge of my nose, and I took a deep breath. I didn't want to scare her, so, as gently as I could, I placed the crystal glass on the side table, closed my eyes and tried to regain what little composure I had left.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you, Bella." I gradually opened my eyes when she didn't answer. I watched as she stood there, clutching the side of the door frame, and stared back at me intently. As I lowered my gaze and met her bare legs, Bella shifted from foot to foot. I knew she could feel the weight of my stare as my sight travelled up her slender legs to where they finally disappeared under my t-shirt-all very enticing, considering that the hem of the shirt covered only a few inches of her upper thighs. I continued to take in her beauty, completely mesmerized by the sight that stood before me, my gaze settling on her very taut and lush peaks that pressed out against the cotton. Watching her just reaffirmed my conviction that my Bella looked amazing in anything, at any time and anywhere. When I met her eyes again, after staring at her breasts for God knows how long, I quickly sobered up when I realized that the light that usually radiated from her was greatly diminished. Anger coursed through me as I realized how I had failed. When I had first realized my love for Bella, I had promised myself that I would not be the cause of her grief and distress.

_But what you didn't know was that she would end up lying to you about becoming a father! _

"That doesn't make a damn difference!" I clenched my teeth and shook the thought from my head.

"Edward?" I looked up and realized that I had spoken out loud-maybe too loud, because Bella looked somewhat frightened. I relaxed my stance and tried to regain my composure.

"Bella, you should go back to bed. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make so much noise." She looked down at the empty glass and back up at me. She slowly took a hesitant step forward and then another. With each step, she got closer and the electric undercurrent of my desire made itself much more evident. I couldn't help the fact that my wife was the most attractive woman I'd ever met and her siren call was simply irresistible to me. I was welcomingly cursed by her gaze the moment I met her, and I knew limitless love could never belong to any other but her.

Bella stopped mere inches away from me as she slowly looked up at me with her stimulating eyes. I was caught completely off guard by the expression on her face. I had expected sadness, but her eyes were filled with longing and desire. I felt the familiar stirring within me tighten, and I reached for her with trembling hands as I cupped her face. I just stood there and held onto to her. I allowed her to be my anchor as I fought off an inner battle on deciding what to do next.

Bella surprised me when she leaned up and captured my bottom lip, sucking on it before she pulled a bit. My mouth went dry and my heart started to beat madly as she reached back, cupping my neck and pulling me forward into a more forceful, passionate kiss. I missed this; I missed her. I wanted her so badly. I opened my mouth and started my own assault on hers with my tongue. We were anything but soft and gentle; we were raw and primal. I pulled her hips to me and grinded myself into her, just as I heard her moan my name against my mouth.

"Edward, I want you so bad," my angel whispered against my lips. The level of desire in her husky voice went straight to my crotch. "Please, Edward. Please, just fuck me."

The second Bella uttered those words, all thoughts of talking and being rational about everything went out the fucking window. I pulled away and ran my hands up her slender thighs and hips. I caught the hem of her t-shirt and lifted it up, as I pulled it off. Finally, her perfectly shaped body was exposed to me. Bella's hair was suddenly curly and shiny, and her lips extra plump and pouty. She flashed me an awesome smile as she pushed me back onto the armchair and straddled me as I fell back.

"Oh, Mr. Cullen, the things I want to do to you," she moaned as she kissed me all over my face and sucked on my neck. I palmed her luscious ass and squeezed; she moaned in fervent response and ground herself into me.

"Fuck, Bella. I love you." She giggled at my declaration and nuzzled deeply against my neck. I moaned and tried to pull her back for a moment to let her know how much I meant what I said. "Bella, seriously, I love you. Sweetheart, please just look at me."

I pushed her back and froze as I realized that the person in my lap wasn't Bella. Strawberry blonde hair and catlike eyes brought forward my worst nightmare.

_What the fuck? How did she get into my room? Where was Bella?_

I stood up quickly and dropped Tanya to the floor. She looked up and flashed me her white predatory teeth. I stumbled backward over the sofa and scrambled to get the hell away from her. As I backed away from her, she quickly followed and called for me to stop. I defiantly shook my head and ran into the bar. I yelped as I tripped over the bar stool and fell onto the floor. Suddenly, her feet were in front of me, and she kneeled down, completely nude, as she continued to flash me her demented-looking smile.

"Get away from me!" I growled as I crawled past her and ran to the bedroom. I pushed open the door and slammed it behind me. I rested my forehead against the door, taking deep breaths and prayed that I would be able to explain to Bella —and that she'd believe me— that a naked Tanya, who was in the next room, was definitely not here at my bidding. I turned around slowly and saw my love as she lay peacefully under the covers. I walked over to the bed and slid down next to her. I reached out and gently shook her shoulders.

"Bella, baby, wake up. Bella, please, we have to talk." I ran my hands through my hair and rested my face on my palms. I felt her warm hands on me, kneading and pressing around my neck and shoulders. I leaned back and moaned a little, but soon, I conquered my distraction and realized I needed to tell her about naked Tanya.

"Bella, sweetheart, I don't want you to panic." I took her hands from my shoulders and kissed her hands as I turned to face her. "I don't know how—"

As I made eye contact with her, I screamed bloody fucking murder as I realized that, once again, it was Tanya behind me, instead of Bella. In my effort to get away from her, for the ninth time, my legs tangled themselves in the bed sheets, and I violently fell off the bed.

"What the hell is happening?" I screamed as I tried to unroll myself. Suddenly, I heard Emmett's voice telling me to calm the fuck down and to open my eyes.

As I shot my eyes open, I was taken aback by the brightness that shined around me. I looked around and realized I was in the living room of my suite, with Emmett hovering over me.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Edward? That must have been some crazy dream." I sat up and looked around in a daze. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, me, I'm fine, sorry. It was just a fucking nightmare." I quickly rubbed my hands over my face. My head was fucking throbbing. I took deep steadying breaths and tried not to overreact about my crazy, fucked-up dream.

"Well, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to startle you, but Bella wanted me to come and talk to you." I looked up at him suspiciously.

"What do you mean by 'come and talk to me'? Where is Bella?" I stood up quickly and walked into the bedroom. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that her things were still there, and I could hear the shower going on at full blast.

"Bella called me this morning and wanted me to come down and talk to you, like I said. Hell, even if she hadn't asked me, I still wanted to make sure everything was okay, anyway. You know…after yesterday." I turned and saw Emmett stuff his hands into his pants pockets. I gave him a nod and walked over to the bar area that displayed a fresh tray of coffee.

"Want some?" I nodded to the coffee as I started pouring.

"Nah, I just wanted to know how you were doing. Well, I also wanted to apologize." I took a deep gulp of the coffee and tried not to burn myself in the process. I focused my eyes on the counter top and just shook my head. "Come on, Edward. Can we at least talk about it?"

"I don't think so, Emmett. Not right now, it's too soon," I honestly stated.

"Edward, listen to me, if I had known the full depth of how all this shit went down, you know I would have told you."

"Emmett, I can't do this now. This is all so fucked up, you know? I know we need to talk about it. I know, but I can't do it, _not now_." I heard Emmett sigh and he slapped a hand on my back.

"Okay, man. Fine, I'll wait until you're ready," Emmett said softly. "Just know that I'm sorry, especially about not telling you what happened to Bella. I don't regret helping her, though; I just thought I was taking care of her-the way you would have wanted me to."

As I heard him move toward the door, I came to realize what he was trying to say.

"Emmett, wait," I called out. "I owe you. Setting aside all the shit that currently is surrounding us, I want you to know that I am indebted to you, forever. You took care of my girl; you held her together and gave her the strength she needed when I couldn't be there for her. And for that, Emmett, I want you to know, I am sure we will get past this, and we will be okay. Eventually."

He looked at me with a stern gaze and nodded. "I would do it again, Edward, in a motherfucking heartbeat. I love her like a sister. Your girl completes this fucking family, Edward. So do whatever the fuck you have to and fix this. There is a fucking maniac on the loose, and he, or she, or they are gunning for Bella."

"Yeah, I know."

"Okay, then. We'll see you in L.A." He gave me quick hug and left me alone with my thoughts.

I turned and finished my cup of coffee as I headed into the bedroom. I had to get washed up and ready to go. I knew Bella and I had a long path ahead of us. We both had a lot of issues that demanded to be discussed so we could get them off our chests-reduce the emotional load, so to speak. We just needed to get past this fucking awkwardness. Judging by the look of defeat Bella had sported since yesterday, I didn't know how much more of a fight she had left in her. I would be damned if I let her give up on me again, but after all she had been through, I was more than willing to be patient and sensitive to her needs. I just had to suck it up and try to get us past this as soon as we could. Because that is what a man does when he truly and completely loves a woman. He mans up and looks for the light at the end of _their_ fucking tunnel.

_Now, that would be great if only you could just really believe that._

I let out a last sigh of understanding and knew what it was that I had to do. I finally realized that this wasn't the time to sit down and analyze our previous mistakes or plague our minds with "what ifs," and blame ourselves for what went wrong. It was time, for both of us, to take ownership of our errors. It was not only for the sake of our marriage, it was also for the sake of her life.

An: This story is not even close to being done. ;) xoxo—FunkyD.


	18. Taking Care of Business

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Eighteen

Taking Care of Business

I felt the wind in my hair as I ran down a narrow park pathway covered in slushy snow. The scenery at the park was incredible; the sunlight that filtered through the thick trees reflected beautifully off of the half-melted ice that lay around in patches on the ground and benches. As I gained momentum, I could see the mist of my breath while I ran past the foliage and around the bridle path on Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir. My chest felt a tight burn as the cold air filled my lungs, and my knees began to shake with each pounding step I took in my Nikes. I tried to ignore the slight ache my body felt as I continued to push myself to the extreme while running through Central Park. Even though the echoing words of "Let it Rock" raged through my headphones, the sound did very little to block my heavy thoughts. My eyes filled with tears as I remembered the last conversation I'd had with Edward before I left to come home to New York.

"_Edward, please, be reasonable. I can't believe you are asking this of me." _

"_Bella, I love you, but I can't do this anymore. I really can't. I know that it sounds cold and callous of me. I know what he means to you, but I just can't do this anymore."_

_I took slow and hesitant steps over to him and held him, sliding both of my arms around his waist. _

"_Please, Edward. Please." I whispered, "I have known him my whole life. He has made mistakes and wronged us both; I'll give you that. I also agree that his intentions were absolutely inconsiderate and egoistical; did we not love each other the way we do, I think his manipulation could have completely destroyed us. But I can't let go of him like this. Edward, I can't send Jacob packing and banish him. He is family. Please, understand."_

_He grabbed my face by my chin and locked his eyes with mine. I could see the pain, the agony and the rage. He licked his lips and tried to steady himself. I felt his hold on my face soften a bit as he stroked my hair away from my face with his other hand. He leaned forward, carefully cupped my cheek and brought his soft satin lips to mine. His soothing intention was clear as he peppered me with soft, delicate kisses. _

"_Let me tell you what I understand, Bella," he whispered as he started to take very firm and controlled kisses from me. "Jacob Black lied and deceived you. He kept you from me in your most pressing time of need; he explicitly disregarded your own wishes even though you purposely called for me. Jacob Black manipulated you and essentially drove you into wanting a divorce. But you still hold him dearly in your heart as your confidant, your best friend, and your family. While I, your husband, who was admittedly caught in a precarious situation, was banished without a word or thought. I was lied to, I was pushed away, but I kept coming back. I begged for forgiveness for something that I literally had no control over whatsoever." _

_He suddenly stopped his kisses, and his eyes were quickly drained of any emotion. _

"_How the fuck can I live with that double standard? How the hell do you expect me to believe that we can fix our marriage when you so adamantly refuse to eliminate one of the main reasons that contributed to its falling apart in the first place?" _

_I reached out, grabbed Edward around his waist and held myself to him. I listened to the melodic fluttering of his heart and tried to steady my own train of thought. I was afraid, but I knew he was correct. Edward had every right to ask me to let Jacob go. In the deepest pits of my own soul, I could hear the rationality of letting Jacob go, to take a step back from our friendship and just walk away. The painful burden that Jacob Black had become to my marriage was just too strong to keep ignoring it. I realized that while Jacob was my best friend and did truly love me, every opportunity he got to try and fix the mistakes he had made, he never took the proverbial high road. _

_I thought back to his confession yesterday. He admitted to everything I would have gladly given him the benefit of the doubt for. While I loved Jacob as a brother, he had failed me, and it made me think back to all the misery. _

_Had Jacob not gone the extra step in blocking Edward's attempts to get to me and let him find me on his own, I might not have gone to Rome at all. Knowing Edward, he would have probably been on a plane on his way to Italy the second he knew where I was. If that had been the case, then maybe our baby would still be alive. All those months of pain and anguish, those nights of loneliness and heartache were for naught. All the while, Jacob had been all too eager to hold me and hug me, not once thinking of all the damage he kept inflicting by not calling Edward. _

_Suddenly, I felt really sick. My stomach churned with an uneasy feeling. Edward sensed my mood shift and pulled away slightly to look at me. He searched my eyes, concern written all over his, and walked me over to a chair. He kneeled down in front of me and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. _

"_Bella, if you can't…" I silenced his lips with my finger. _

"_It's not like that. I swear." I felt my heart start to hurt with the knowledge of what I had to do. "Give me one month, and I promise you I will let Jacob go."_

Edward wasn't happy with the time I had asked for, but it was painfully necessary. When I explained it to him, he understood. He hated it, but he really did understand. He always surprised me that way, but then again, I guess it really shouldn't have. If I was honest with myself, I knew that deep down inside, Edward was a much better person than I was. The fact that he forgave me and still wanted our marriage to work was a definite sign of that.

From the start, my irresponsible and selfish behavior had been a tell-tale sign of my own insecurities, of my own lack of self-confidence. It bothered me to the core when I realized that the reason for my running away hadn't been that I didn't have faith in Edward's love for me. No-It was actually far more than that.. Just the very idea that he would love me was hard to grasp. Up until the time that Edward proposed, I was sure that he viewed our time together as a just a fling.

Of course, his attention was flattering, wanted and very much desired, but internally, I always considered his extra attention and interest to be just a side effect of his family's profound connection to me. I wiped away angry tears as I realized how foolishly stupid I had been all this time; I had invariably pushed him away and second guessed his affections, yet, all he had ever really done was love me, unconditionally.

_He loved you all this time. And you just took it for granted, waiting for a chance to run! How could you do this to the only man you've ever truly loved? To the love of your life?_

I let out a sob, which only forced me to start running faster. I took a step off the trail, making my jog even harder by passing some of the trees and jumping over the roots that were sticking up through the soil.

_You are a monster! You are cursed!_

The words popped into my mind, and my breathing hitched as I ran as hard as I could. I really should have known better and stuck to flat surfaces because, in typical Bella fashion, I tripped over an exposed tree root and I found myself falling. Suddenly the looming presence behind me held onto my shoulder and grabbed my hip to steady me.

"Whoa there, Bells! Man, oh man, you have to be more careful. Slow down a bit next time; the ground is really tricky on this side of the park."

I regained my balance quickly as I turned, huffing and puffing to face Paul.

"Thanks, Paul, I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me. I just needed to burn the extra energy, you know?"

Paul smiled but just shook his head. He gestured for us to get back to the bristle path, when his cell beeped.

"This is Paul. Yeah, it's all right. Tell them we are headed back to the designated path right now. Damn it, man! I told you already, I have it covered. Jacob, just stop it, okay? Yeah, we parked on Central Park West and Eighty-Seventh."

We walked side by side and as we made it back down the path we'd come from, I tried to ignore the nagging feeling I had become accustomed to these last few weeks, ever since Jacob had stopped being my bodyguard. I tried to reason with myself that putting some distance between Jacob and me was necessary. I had to come to terms with the fact that the person who had stood by me my whole life and who I had loved like family, was not an option when it came to protecting me. Nevertheless, it had become impossible for me not to feel unsettled every time his absence became even more glaringly obvious.

I looked around and saw the increased security I had to take with me everywhere I went now. If being hidden or undetected had been the objective, we were surely doing something wrong. There was no way that we were going unnoticed with this kind of entourage. All it would take was a well-placed sniper and it was "bye-bye, Bella." I shook my head and tried to push the disturbing thoughts away. If I thought about it one more time, I knew I would end up traumatizing myself irrevocably.

I heard murmuring voices in the distance and realized that one of the plain-clothed security personnel had grabbed a photographer in the distance and blocked his shot. I sighed as I realized that there were probably more of them just hiding around here and waiting for the moment to get a perfect candid shot; if just one shot was worth thousands, can you really blame them?

"Are you ready to go?"

I looked up at Paul, who was watching me closely. I glanced over his shoulder saw the black SUVs surrounding Paul's new Nine-Eleven turbo. It was the perk I gave him when he took over for Jacob. As he opened the passenger door, I slid into my seat. I looked over and stared at the driver's seat remembering how Jacob used to have some new tip to tell me about defensive driving or a joke on women behind the wheel. When Paul slid in, he looked over and smiled, as he told me to buckle up.

"Ready to go home, Bella?"

I nodded as I clicked my seatbelt into place. Paul radioed the cars that he was ready to pull out and when he did the rest of the SUVs pulled out in front and behind us. I picked up my cell phone and filtered through my missed calls. I couldn't help but smile when I saw Edward had called a few times. Even though we spoke almost every day, things were still very strained between us. While I knew that it would take some time for us to get back to where we were, the unsteady nature and future of our relationship was excruciating.

During those four years of separation, at least, we knew where we stood. Our rapport had consisted exclusively of how to behave for the public eye. Now, in the privacy and core of our relationship, even our emails, text messages and Skype conversation were almost formal and very restrained. It was obvious that we were both holding back and trying to make conversation as friends. Edward talked about work and all the people that drove him crazy, while I spoke about getting back into the art scene and helping Alice with the wedding.

We never discussed the magazines that captured us leaving the hotel in Chicago, we never mentioned the fallout produced by the leaked pictures of my destroyed suite, and certainly, we never spoke about the crazy paparazzi that seemed to follow us both around, screaming the most horrible things to get any form of reaction out of us. But the hardest thing was that we never _ever_ talked about Jacob and Uncle Aro.

The two people who had been my fiercest protectors and guardians these last four years were suddenly taboo and off limits. While I understood it, it was hard nevertheless.

"Bells?" Paul's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, Paul?" I looked over to the driver's side and realized that he was gone. I searched for him and glanced over to my passenger door and saw him standing there with his hand extended. "Sorry."

I slipped my hand into his as he pulled me out. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking, you know?" He smiled and murmured something about me thinking too much. I looked around the deserted parking lot and felt it was a little odd that there wasn't more security on the level we parked on. I nervously looked around and noticed the cameras were all on. At least we weren't totally alone.

Paul chatted away about something he watched on the Discovery Channel the night before. I feigned interest and smiled as we walked to the elevator. When it dinged open, I automatically stepped in without actually looking first and collided with a broad chest and I fell back. I glanced up as Jacob caught me around the waist and pulled me up and against him. We were so close; I could feel the hardness of his chest under my hands and his breath on my face.

"Jacob, please let me go." I cringed as I pulled back and leaned against the elevator wall. Jacob's eyes were a mixture of fire and fury, and I realized that he was going to start one of his bitching sessions again.

"Paul, get the fuck out of the elevator," he said while his gaze never wavered from me. Paul looked over at me for permission, and I could see his eyes widen with uneasiness.

"Jacob, are you sure?" Paul asked slowly. "I mean…"

"Did I fucking stutter? .!" Jacob's voice echoed through the parking garage, and I flinched at the level of anger that had been infused in his voice.

"No way, man, you need to calm down first. There is no way I am leaving you alone with her, when you're acting like this." Paul took two steps forward and Jacob took that as his cue and used Paul's movements to his advantage. Before he even had a chance, Jacob clocked Paul hard in the nose. I instinctively reached a hand out to Paul, when he took several steps back as blood started to spill down the front of his shirt.

"Holy fuck, Jacob, you bastard!" Paul cried out as he fell on his ass, still holding onto to his damaged face.

I screamed —scared for his safety and Jacob's sanity— as I leapt forward, only to be held back by Jacob. He quickly pushed the close button and pressed my back against the elevator wall.

"I'm sorry! But you should have done as asked!" Jacob called out to him as the elevator doors started to shut.

"Let me go! What the hell is wrong with you?" I screamed at him as I slapped his hands away from my shoulder. "Have you completely gone insane?"

He planted his feet shoulder-width apart and stared down at me. Being just as stubborn, I stood my ground and refused to feel intimidated. I crossed my arms over my chest and tilted my head to the side, giving him a questioning look. He maintained eye contact as he quickly pressed the emergency stop button.

I shook my head as the elevator started to slow down. I let out a breath when I realized that this wasn't going to be a quick conversation.

"Oh my God! You are insane," I mumbled.

"No, not insane. Just desperate to talk to you," Jacob calmly said. He stepped back against the opposite wall. "Please, Bella, just listen to what I have to say."

"No, Jacob. We're done. There's nothing left to say. And even if there was, there is nothing you can say that will make me change my mind." I glanced down at the tiled floor of the elevator.

"For Pete's sake, Bella! Don't do this. I've played along for a few weeks because I knew it was to be expected, especially after being brainwashed by that asshole's dick…"

Before I knew what I was doing, my hand flew up and slapped him hard across the face. He wasn't expecting it and took the open-palmed slap's full impact, leaving a very bright pink handprint on his cheek.

"Don't you dare call him names! He's my husband. You will never disrespect him again. Do you hear me, Jacob Black?"

I could see his jaw twitch a little, and he lifted his hand to his cheek. His gaze never left mine as he rubbed his cheek.

"So, just like that, you've totally forgiven him? No more questions, no more concerns regarding his fidelity? All of a sudden, I'm the bad guy?"

I looked up at him in disbelief; I could not believe what I was hearing.

"I can't believe you. Are you serious? You have the audacity to stand there and tell me that you are completely innocent?"

"Bella, I thought we talked about this. I told you I was sorry. I fucked up! I even admitted I was the most horrible selfish moron of the year!" As he took a step forward, I instinctively took one back to the corner to the elevator. "Jesus Christ, Bella! I am not going to hurt you!"

"I know you are not going to hurt me, physically. You are just going to lie, hold things back from me and manipulate me," I sarcastically spat at him. "You are just going to sit back and watch as I wither away into nothing but a shell of my former self. You are just going to hold me and reinforce my fears! You are just going to take advantage of my most pathetic moments and add more fuel to the fire. No! You are not going to hurt me at all, Jacob!"

My fever-pitched voice echoed through the metal box that was purposefully stalled on its way to the penthouse. I was seething inside. I had tried to be proper and civil. God help me, I had tried! I even had gone as far as making sure that Jacob still worked for me, but from a distance. Maybe that was one mistake too many. I originally had thought of letting Jacob go but the idea was hard to accept. I not only wanted to keep our dirty laundry to ourselves, but Jacob had been my strength throughout my life; it just didn't feel right to let him go that way. Regardless, the jerk refused to leave things be and was making it so damn hard for me to keep strong about my earlier decision.

"Bella, please just listen to me. I know what I did was wrong. I kept the things that Edward sent because I was pissed off that he had cheated on you. And well, I thought you had finally come to your senses, that you had finally realized how utterly worthless he truly was. I've always known that he has never been good enough for you, Bella. But still, I swear I wanted to come clean. I truly did. But Aro, he was so damned angry when you got hurt and lost the baby. He flipped out when I told him I had been thinking of calling Edward. He fucking forbade me to even call Emmett. I had to lie about going to take a piss just to call him. Bella, baby, please don't do this. Don't break things this way. I am begging you."

My heart filled with such conflict. On one hand, I understood and wanted to believe his explanation, but the better part of me knew that if Jacob had a chance to call Emmett, he could have just as easily called Edward. The agony of knowing that Edward could have-and would have if he had just been given the chance to—been there all along overpowered the love I had for my best friend. My patience had reached its fragile limit, and now, I just wanted to beat the shit out of him. Anger flooded my veins, and I took a deep breath to try and calm myself.

"For God's sake, Jacob, I am not, nor will I ever be, your baby, so could you please just stop calling me that?" I yelled at him, "The more you open your big fat mouth, the more I want to smack you, and the more I want to hate you!"

I felt the thick, angry tears begin to form as I processed everything over and over again. I slumped against the wall and felt an intense pain start to rise within my body. I closed my eyes and covered my face, trying to hold my emotions at bay.

"Bella?" I felt him take a step toward me. I instinctively held my hand up to stop him.

"Throughout my entire life, there was only one person who had been with me every step of the way. He first threw mud at me when I was five years old, and then cleaned me off the best he could when I started to cry. When I learned how to ride a bike and took off the training wheels too soon, he ran behind me just to make sure I wouldn't wobble and fall off. He held me when I cried after finding out that Millie, the family cat, hadn't really run away but had actually been buried deep in the backyard."

I wiped the tears that were streaming down my face at this point but made sure to keep my voice stoic and monotone.

"When I came back home after the accident, he helped me cope with, not only my mother's death, but also with the fact that my loving father had left me as well and had been replaced by a cold, hard and bitter man. He transferred schools just so he could give me the support I needed. He held my hand through the corridors and willingly glared at everyone who dared to call me names because of the angry scars that were still visible on my arms, hands and wrists. He eventually convinced my dad that I needed to be home schooled. He even made sure to bring me to the Rez's formals and prom, just so I could still get a little bit of the whole 'high school' experience."

My voice cracked as I let out a sob but quickly composed myself, knowing that I had to get this all out before it was too late and I forever lost my nerve.

"He gave up every weekend and vacation; he begged and borrowed money just so he could come see me whenever I had to go to Seattle for skin grafting surgeries. He helped with my physical therapy; he would cook on the days Charlie was too checked out to notice we had no food, or when I was in too much pain to move. He fixed up his dad's old red truck and taught me how to drive stick. He threw me a bonfire graduation party on First Beach and had each and every one of our friends invited. He…he…"

My voice grew thick with emotion.

"He woke me up early in the morning on each of my mother's birthdays just so he could take me over to her grave; he always sat back quietly as I lit a single candle on a strawberry cupcake —her favorite— and made a wish for her. He supported me every step of the way, every single day. My whole life, Jacob, in my whole life, it has only been you who has never left my side."

I looked up into his eyes and saw them filled with unshed tears. He slowly reached his hand out and offered it to me, but I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself.

"Bella, I will never leave you. I will always be there for you. You mean too much to me."

"Don't you see? That's the problem." He frowned for a moment, trying hard to decipher what I meant. "I have never done anything one hundred percent on my own."

He quickly shook his head. "You married Edward. Even when you knew what we all thought of him, you still married him. You did that all on your own."

"That is not what I meant, Jacob." I took a deep breath. "For the longest time, I've allowed there to be three people in my marriage. Your constant shadowing of me has done that. It has almost destroyed my relationship with Edward. I'm sorry, Jacob, but frankly, it's just not fair that we do this anymore."

Jacob frowned but didn't say anything. "It isn't your fault alone, Jacob. Even you have to agree that it's not healthy for anyone to have three of us in this marriage. I guess I never paid attention or was too selfish to own up to the truth, but, Jacob, this all has to stop right here and right now. I won't stand for it anymore. I want happiness, Jacob. And for the first time, I know what I need to do to make it work."

I saw Jacob clench his fists at his side, but when he said nothing, I continued.

"I think it's time I stop using you." I put a hand out and prevented him from speaking. "Please, don't say that I'm not using you when we both know that it's exactly what I have been doing all this time, especially ever since I left Edward and ran away four years ago. Jacob, I hate the fact that you lied, manipulated and did things that have completely shattered certain levels of my marriage. But I can't blame you. Because at the end of the day, everything you did was because I let you. It was because I never set boundaries, it was because I never thought I was worthy of either Edward or the happiness he brought to my life. So, I let my own insecurities and lack of faith in a life that could provide anything other than pain and misery, get the better of me. I not only I ripped my marriage apart, but I also took comfort in your presence and used you as a safety harness. I hid myself in you and avoided everything I had done, not once questioning my selfish and thoughtless actions. And Edward… " I sighed.

"Bella, please, don't let him come between our friendship…"

"It's not Edward, Jacob, it's me. I want to end _this_. I need to end _us_." Jacob let out a laugh and shook his head. "And before you start jumping to conclusions, this is not about Edward."

I knew I was lying. This had everything to do with what Edward had wanted, but truthfully it also had a lot to do with what I wanted too. I watched Jacob carefully and knew that if I even mentioned Edward's request, Jacob would never see my point and eventually twist its meaning and purpose. I had to tread very cautiously because if there was something Jacob was good at, it was manipulating every word just to get what he wanted. I was just too distracted to pay attention to it before.

"I need to end this control I have let everyone possess over me and that _includes_ Edward. Don't you see? I have been hiding for so long. I have got to take back the reins of my life and stop letting others steer me in the direction _they_ feel I should be taking. Running away was the worst mistake I ever made. It has given me nothing but regret, and a whole load of 'what ifs' to think about."

When I sensed little change in Jacob's attitude, I realized what I would need to bring up. I had wanted to avoid this specific topic of conversation-the whole thing just played with my emotions. I had hoped that Jacob would have given up fighting my decision and would have allowed me the space I asked of him. However, he just pushed and pushed until I had no choice in the matter.

"I am finally able to face a lot of things that I had refused to see before. And I've finally decided that I need to talk to you about how you feel, Jacob."

Jacob's eyes bore into mine. When finally I saw that familiar look of curiosity, eager to figure out where I was taking this, I knew then that his walls were down.

"I know how you feel about me, Jake. I know you are in love with me." I ended in a whisper as I tore my eyes away from his and stared at his feet. "I didn't realize; I've been so obliviously selfish and self-centered, I just didn't put two and two together."

"How do you feel..." I quickly shot my hand out to stop him from continuing and starting shaking my head.

"I'm not in love with you, Jake, and I know I never will be. You're like a brother to me. I care for you like one, but I need to say. I need you to understand that even if there had never been an Edward Cullen in my life, _we_ still would never be together. "

He let out a deep haggard breath and took another step back, slowly turning away from me. "Why? What is it about him that makes him better?"

I reached out to touch him, but I quickly realized what I was doing. I always seemed to enable him, somehow making him think he had a chance. I quickly stepped back and swallowed hard before giving him the most honest answer I could-the one he deserved.

"It's not a matter of who's better. It's just that Edward makes me feel alive. I feel so in tune with his very touch, his very presence. He has a pull over me that no one can even aspire to have. He doesn't shield me or tell me it's okay to shy away. He refuses to let my fears rule my life. He gives me the comfort and security I need to want to go and explore life-to live my life to its fullest. Edward helps me see that I can go out and make a place for myself, without reprimand or hesitation. He never makes me feel incapable or childish. Jacob, he makes me want to reach out and take my destiny with both hands. He gives me hope, he gives me strength, and he awakens my soul with the simple sound of his voice. I don't want to hurt you, but please understand this, for as long as I live, there will never ever be another man for me but Edward Cullen."

He stood there, silent and in deep contemplation. I took advantage of the fact that he was not facing me and I hurried to press the emergency stop button, which brought the elevator swiftly back to motion again.

He turned quickly and looked at me with wet and glistening eyes. "Bella, I can make you happy, I know I can. Please."

I shook my head and realized that we were past the point of reasoning and Jacob was beyond capable of truly hearing me out. But, I was not about to negotiate the terms of my life with him.

"Dear God, Jacob, why must you always push me?" I looked at him for a long moment, and when he didn't say anything, I finally stepped up and gave him my final warning. "I will never forget what you have done for me, and I will forever be in your debt. I swear I mean it. But from now on, Edward and I will be off limits to you. If you need to contact us, you will do it through Sam or Paul. We will never be together like this again. And as long as you work for me, you will only behave in a manner that is deemed professional."

As the elevator chime finally announced I had reached my floor, I saw Paul standing there with a blood-soaked shirt and a taser gun, all ready to go. He was flanked by Sam and standing behind him was Leah, who peeked out of the penthouse door. I quickly exited the little metal box that had also been my confessional for God only knows how long we were in there. I was almost inside the doors of my apartment when Jacob called out to me.

"Bella, please."

I kept walking and spoke over my shoulder. "If I have to tell you again to stay away from me, I will not only have you fired, but I will have you served with a restraining order. Good bye, Jake."


	19. Are You Still Mine?

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Nineteen

**Are ****You Still Mine?**

"Mrs. Isabella, how long will you be gone this afternoon?" Leah asked while she folded some of my blouses, which I had decided against wearing.

"Um, I shouldn't be too long. My plans are just to meet Alice for lunch and then hopefully, come right back." I walked toward the vanity as I zipped up the pencil skirt and reached for my hair brush. "Why? Did you have some plans today?"

"Well, no...I mean, I was just thinking of having lunch with an old friend," Leah murmured as she hung a sundress in the closet. "But I have so much to do here, I probably won't have time to go and come back before you are done."

I finished brushing my hair back and smiled as I turned. "Leah, you don't need to be here when I come back. I know Uncle Aro and Jacob have always treated me like a damsel in distress, but I promise I'm getting better at taking care of myself."

"Mrs. Isabella, you judge yourself too harshly. You've never been a damsel in distress; you're anything but that." She walked over, took my hair brush from me and started sectioning parts of my hair to style. "The trials and personal struggles you have gone through have been so great. If it were anyone else, they would've been locked away and forgotten. You've done an amazing job at overcoming your fears. Please don't overlook it. Very few people have the inner strength you possess."

"Inner strength? Leah, I'm anything but strong. 'Running scared' is how I would describe myself as most of the time. I let everyone around me take control, and I completely shut down. Is that a strong person? No, it's the sign of a coward."

I flinched when Leah slammed the hair brush down on the vanity.

"Regardless of what you believe yourself to be, Mrs. Isabella, Jacob and I would not have stayed by your side if you were a coward. We would not have looked after you, protected you and well, helped you through your breakdown. Everyone needs a little help sometime; that doesn't make them a weak. Mrs. Isabella, just because you were wrong about Mr. Edward doesn't mean that you have been wrong about everything else in your life. There was so much more that happened than just your leaving him. The emotional pressure and the trauma you suffered when you lost the baby."

I watched as the emotions Leah had carried around inside her this whole time started to chip away at her usually stoic face. She covered her mouth with her hand and turned away from me. I watched her shoulders shake as she sobbed quietly. Leah slowly walked to the settee and sat down.

After a few awkward moments, I grabbed the box of tissues from my vanity, and I made my way over to her. I stopped in front of her and held out a tissue for her to take. Leah looked up at me with her eyes glistening, and I realized for the first time just how much the last four years had affected her, too.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Isabella, I don't mean to be so emotional." Leah took the tissue I offered and dabbed her eyes. "It's just…"

I sat down quickly when Leah started to sob again, and I held her around her shoulders. "I'm here, Leah, talk to me. Just let it all out, sweetheart."

I tried to make out what she was murmuring but realized she was just rambling apologies in Italian.

It was hard to sit there and listen to her cry, especially when I realized she felt that she was in some way responsible for me losing the baby. I closed my eyes and held her tighter when I heard her start to say words like "overdose and suicide."

As much as I tried to fight it, my mind flew back to that horrible time after I lost the baby in Italy. My life had been so controlled and regimented. After Emmett, my beacon in the dark, left I was in a constant state of depression. As much as I had wanted to go back to Edward, I was constantly reminded that he was doing so well without me. The Italian tabloids had done an amazing job of keeping up with his social life. The television screen always seemed to be flooded with images of him smiling as he stood next to model types and well-styled debutantes. Not once did I see a kink in his armor of well put together happiness. Not once did I see anything that made me think he was missing me.

One night after a nice long bath, I watched an Italian entertainment news channel that had a small clip about Edward at a gallery opening. I swore I caught a look in his eyes when a reporter asked him a question or two about me, but it was too brief of a flicker from which to any logical conclusion. The reasons and answers I had looked for in his body language never surfaced, so I clicked off the television and reached for the sedatives that Leah usually placed on my nightstand table for me to take before bed.

In all the times that I stuck to the nightly ritual of taking the pills, never once had the idea of taking my own life ever occurred to me. So when I popped them, I never would have guessed the horrible events that would follow.

I woke up with severe chest pains and nausea. My body was wet, drenched in a cold sweat. It was like all the air had been sucked out of the room, and my hands flew to my throat. I sprang out of bed and fell to the floor as the whole room started to spin. I slowly grabbed at the furniture and tried to make it to the door when I realized my vision was blurry and my mind was reeling. I didn't know what was happening, everything seemed out of control. I yelled for someone to help me and stumbled around my darkened room.

Jacob was the first to burst through the door. His eyes were wide with worry as I fell to my knees and reached for him. Jacob yelled for Leah to turn on the lights as he raced to my side. At the time I didn't know what to tell him, but Jacob didn't wait for any answers. He just grabbed me quickly, dragged me to the bathroom and screamed for me to open my mouth. He proceeded to stick two fingers in the back of my throat and gagged me.

After he was sure my system was purged of whatever was causing my reaction, he wrapped me in a blanket and carried me to the waiting car. Jacob and Uncle Aro raced me to the local hospital. After the doctor had run some tests, he found that I had almost double the normal amount of sedatives in my body. When I couldn't accurately recall how many pills I had picked up, or what time I took them, the only natural thing to assume was that I had somehow overdosed.

To be certain there was no one else who could have tampered with my dose, security tapes were viewed and everyone in the house was questioned. Although everything seemed in order, when Leah was questioned she stated that she hadn't made it up to my room to give me the pills. She also mentioned that I did have a brand new, sealed bottle of the prescription stored in my bedside table. When they counted the pills and discovered that they were a few less than prescribed, the only logical conclusion was that I had taken the extra pills on my own.

I vehemently denied that I had taken and stated that I would've remembered doing something like that. I was stubborn and angry at the insinuation. But while I argued my innocence, I really wasn't sure if I did or didn't take the pills. The depression I suffered at the time created quite a few gaps in my day to day routines. The constant fog I had lived in during that stage would sometimes consume days of my time without me even knowing it. Because of Uncle Aro, Jacob and Leah, I didn't feel the pressure to pay attention. I was looked after, fed and bathed.

No matter how adamant I was in my denial of wanting to take my own life, there was no denying that my depression was a red flag. Losing the baby and, in a way, losing Edward had taken a toll on me, sending me into a downward spiral. This fact only served to validate the beliefs of those who thought I was capable of attempting suicide.

The only solution to everyone was that all my medicines were to be taken away and I was forced to go to a rehabilitation center in Tuscany. The effects of that cold and sterile place changed my life so drastically that it still haunts me to this day.

I was so utterly scared and had no control of anything in my everyday life. It created an unsteady feeling within me and it was one I was sure I could never get used to. And I didn't. I had always assumed I knew what it was like to be alone, but nothing compared to the loneliness that I felt when I was locked away in that place.

I hugged Leah close and was so thankful that that horrible time had passed. The rational side of me was aware that it was obvious that there was nothing that Leah could have done to save me from falling down a flight of stairs or to even have stopped me from taking an irresponsible amount of pills. The crazy self-loathing part of me understood that she was crying because, regardless of how helpless the situation was, there were a series of "what ifs" that could have saved me —well, saved all of us— from everything that happened during those dark days.

I had come to terms with them, but the recent truths about everyone and everything seemed to shatter Leah's trust as much as mine. She was more withdrawn and very hard to read. I knew the constant fighting that Jacob and I had been going through had put a strain on her too.

So I held onto her and soothed her through her necessary flushing of emotions.

"It's okay, Leah, let it out. I swear to you, nothing could have been done. It's not your fault; everything that has happened is all because of me and me alone. You take on so much; please don't take on my burdens as well. Please, Leah, don't worry; everything is going to be fine."

She tightened her hold around my waist and cried harder. So I continued to sit there, silently soothing her. As I rocked back and forth to help calm her, the moment was not lost on me. It was only a few years ago that she had held me like this when I was dealing with the overwhelming feelings of dread that had overtaken my life.

"I think we should pull the car around back, Paul," I mumbled as I saw the swarm of crazy paparazzi that waited for me at the entrance of the Minetta Tavern.

_Alice just had to have Italian food__, didn't she?_

"No, Bella, I know I can get you through this. I'm gonna have the driver continue until we are at the door. Trust me, I can handle these guys."

"Okay, whatever you say." I sat back and quickly texted Alice to tell her that I was about to arrive at the restaurant.

Nothing would have pleased me more than to have a nice lunch in my cozy penthouse with Alice, but the little bridezilla was up to her eyeballs in wedding planning. She not only insisted that I come have lunch with her, but also accompany her to every wedding-related appointment afterward. I managed to get out of a few appointments, but Alice was firm in her desire to have lunch with me. She screamed something like, "_Everyone has to eat sometime."_

"Ready, Bella?" Paul asked as he smiled and slipped on his shades. "Don't worry. If any of them even touches you, I will go all _Matrix_ on them, okay?"

I smiled hesitantly as I slipped on my Dolce and Gabbana shades. As Paul opened the door and got out, I heard him shout for people to keep back and reached in for my hand. As I stepped out, I was blinded by the barrage of flashes and suddenly I felt like I was swallowed by a swarm of people with cameras screaming my name and making comments. I tucked my chin down and held onto Paul as he calmly weaved us in and out of the crowds.

"Isabella! Over here! Please look over here!"

"What do you have to say regarding the scene in your hotel room in Chicago?"

_What the hell do you think__, asshole? I am peachy, just peachy!_

"Are there any more leads on who might want to harm you?"

"Are you afraid for your life?"

_You're a regular Sherlock Holmes, aren't you,__ asstard? How would you feel if someone burst into you room and did such horrible things?_

"What comment do you have regarding your husband's mistress in Naples? Will you do a DNA test to see if the child is indeed his?"

I almost couldn't help but laugh at that comment;that particular rumor had plagued us since we started dating. A small smile appeared on my face at his sudden sense of familiarity.

I kept my head down and tried to maintain my grip on Paul's arm as he pushed our way through the throngs of people. I was being pushed and pulled in all directions.

"Hold on, Bells, almost there." I heard him whisper into my ear as he pushed me in front of him.

I continued until I felt someone grab me by the arm. "PLEASE, ONE PICTURE!"

I felt fear shoot through me as I looked up and realized it wasn't Paul who was touching me. The man was suddenly yanked away from me by a huge man with mirrored shades and a baseball cap. He pushed the man away and yelled at him to stop touching me.

I quickly turned to look for Paul, but I realized that he was stuck in a sea of photographers and people who were trying to reach me for an autograph. I took two quick steps back and turned, but I ended up running right into the very large man who had helped me.

"Mrs. Cullen, follow me. I'll help you get to the door. But may I please ask you just a few questions or maybe just one?" I looked over toward the door and realized he was suddenly my best chance at getting into the restaurant in one piece. It was risky to promise him a question, but it didn't seem like I had a choice.

"Just one, but I can't promise you I'll have an answer." I smiled at him. The man nodded as he started to push past the people and got me to the door of the restaurant.

"Here we are. Okay, so just one question, right?" he asked in a low tone. I looked at him for a minute and saw his lip curl into a soft smile, as he waited for my approval. He continued to keep some of the people at bay. I looked over his shoulder and saw that Paul was even more caught up than before. I looked back at the man with the mirrored shades and quickly smiled with a nod.

He leaned in close. "You've always been close to your husband's family, so how does the news of Emmett Cullen and his Rose's pregnancy make you feel?"

I breathed a sigh of relief and almost wanted to hug the man for not asking about the damn gravestone in my hotel room, or the fact that Edward and I were still separated since he was in Los Angeles and I was here in New York.

"I'm extremely happy for them. I couldn't even imagine a couple more perfectly suited to become parents. I can't wait to become an auntie." I smiled a genuine smile at him as he quickly motioned for me to look at the camera he suddenly produced. After he was done, I nodded to him and said, "Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it."

When I turned toward the door of the eatery, I sensed him move closer, and I felt a tight knot of tension start to flare up inside my stomach.

I jumped a little when I heard him whisper into my ear, "Mrs. Cullen?"

"Yes?" I whispered as I turned to find him slowly taking a step back.

"I just wanted to say to be careful, ma'am. The crowds out here are getting rough."

I gave him a hesitant smile and quickly turned to run into the restaurant, leaving behind the mayhem. As the manager and hostess immediately guided me to a secluded spot toward the back of the restaurant, I slipped off my jacket and took a long drink of my iced water. I let out a deep sigh and picked up the menu, trying to distract myself from the ever-watchful eyes of the other patrons in the restaurant.

I glanced up when I heard Paul's voice asking the manager where I was. As soon as he locked eyes with me, I just shrugged my shoulders and waved him off. I decided to save the lecture on leaving me to fend off the crowd by myself outside for later on. When he pointed to the bar, I gave him a slight nod. I sat there for a few minutes looking over the menu until I heard Alice's little light-hearted voice as she entered the restaurant.

"I know, Jazzy, baby. I know, baby, I promise I will. Please, just understand that I can't have Aunt May be a bridesmaid. She is forty years too old, baby. And beside, I am planning on having strapless bridesmaid dresses and, well, I have seen pictures of her. Jasper Whitlock, Iwill not have my entourage of bridesmaids defiled by one woman who looks like a 'pig in a blanket' personified! No, I have to put my foot down on this one."

I almost snorted my water through my nose as she huffed some more and squeaked her way through her conversation.

"I don't care, Jasper. If you want a blushing bride to walk down that aisle and stand at your side to recite the damn vows of_ 'love, honor and obedience,'_ you better listen to me and tell Mama Whitlock this is not her wedding. Listen, I love you, but now I have to go. Yes, I will tell Bella that you love her. Hmmm, okay"

She quickly slammed the phone onto the table as she sat down with her hands in her hair.

"I don't know why all of sudden this has gone from _my_ wedding to a _campaign_ wedding. I mean, really, Bella, is planning the wedding of my dreams too much to ask?"

I laughed a little and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Breathe, Alice, just breathe, sweetheart. I promise it will all work out and everything will turn out to be exactly what you want. Just remember that it is important to bear in mind the purpose of the happy day."

"Oh, Bella, I wish I could do that. But you know how important it is that everything is perfect. I mean, I could be a future senator's wife."

I rolled my eyes and pulled out my best British accent to go along with my sarcasm.

"Ah yes, Alice, of course! I know how hard it must be for you. It is only natural to want the perfect wedding day! I am sure Jackie O was just as concerned to personally supervise having each rose for her bouquet especially hand cut at a certain angle on the day of her wedding. Oh, and let's not forget Grace Kelly, I heard she had doves specially trained to be released when she and the Crown Prince of Monaco were officially declared husband and wife."

"Oh my goodness, Bella, really? People can train doves to do that?"

I was speechless for a second, but then let out a small laugh and had to suddenly bite my lower lip to prevent that smile from spreading. Alice watched me closely and raised an eyebrow slowly. As if a light bulb went off, she sat up straight and stared at me.

"Oh my good GOD! I am a bridezilla, aren't I?"

"Alice, sweetheart, I don't know that you are the worst behaved bride I have seen. I know Rosalie was a bitch in heels during her wedding planning to Emmett. However, if you want my honest opinion, I would say that you are a close second, baby. " I earned a smack on the arm for my honesty.

"Well, not all of us can be so demure and reserved even during the high stress times!" Alice quipped. I sat back in mock shock.

"Why, Alice, are you making fun of me?" She laughed a little and sat back, feigning shock.

"Of course not, silly, but all kidding aside, I do wish I could be as graceful as you were during your wedding. I mean, Bella, it was so amazing that you let Mom and me take care of so much. Really, it was."

The waiter walked up and we quickly gave our orders. I shook my head and rested my elbows on the table.

"It was just wonderful to have everyone so involved, you know? I was so consumed with dealing with Charlie, which was so mentally draining. I mean between the fights and accusations, it was hard enough. You and Esme did me a favor, really. If both of you hadn't been there, I don't even know what I would've done."

In truth, it was a very hard time in my life, and I had always avoided thinking about those moments. Besides the fact that I was alone without a mother, thinking about one of the most important moments of my life, I also had to play referee between my father and Edward. Charlie was so cruel to Edward and adamantly refused to give his blessing when he was asked for my hand in marriage. It didn't matter how much love and security Edward showered on me, Charlie just didn't want what he perceived to be a prep school spoiled brat married to his daughter.

"_I don't care if you are made out of __twenty-four karat gold, Eddie. I refuse to accept that you are as good as it gets for my daughter. Her mother and I had dreams for her. We still do. I just wish she wouldn't be so dazzled by you, boy." _

_I cringed inside__, knowing how deeply Edward was hurting. I held his hand tightly as he stood there with his jaw clenched, staring at the floor. He had tried so desperately for so long to win over Charlie, but between his preconceived biased attitude toward anyone who had money and Jacob's constant stirring up past gossip about Edward's playboy ways, it was almost impossible to get Charlie to see how truly good Edward was to me. _

"_Sir__, I know that you still don't feel I am good enough for your daughter..."_

"_Damn straight__, I don't. Good to know that at least you know that much. So why don't you let go of my little girl and find someone else to try and corrupt." _

_To say I was shocked and embarrassed w__ould be an understatement. I saw Edward close his eyes and stand up quickly to say something. He let out a huge sigh and turned to look down at me._

"_I can't do this." _

_I stared up at him in despair, scared that he was going to be done with me. He__ saw my heartbroken reaction to his comment and reached down and grabbed my hand._

"_Fuck it. Let's__ just elope."_

Of course, we didn't elope. Instead, we caught the first flight to Chicago and ended up getting roped into one of the most highly publicized events of the year. It was happiness and heartbreak all wrapped into one neat and tidy event.

"Bella?" I was pulled out of my mental fog by Alice. "Where did you go?"

"I'm sorry, Alice. What was that?" I took a quick sip of my water and managed to pull out one of my signature smiles for her.

"Don't you even try that one on me, little miss. I am not Uncle Aro or Jacob, and I am certainly not my brother. So your feminine charms are wasted on me."

"A girl can try, can't she?" I shrugged.

"Speaking of which, Bella, I feel I have remained silent far too long. I need to ask —and please don't be upset— but what the hell is going on?"

I frowned a bit and leaned back as the waiter thankfully arrived with our meals, giving me a few necessary minutes to compose myself. I wasn't sure if Jasper had filled Alice in on the details since the media meltdown in Chicago. I wasn't even sure if he still wanted Edward and me to play the part of the happily married couple for her.

Just in case, before we left Chicago, Edward and I had both done our best to keep up the illusion. We smiled on cue, hugged and held hands. I maintained a happy demeanor, all the while explaining to everyone the reason why I was not going back to Los Angeles with Edward was because I still had business to deal with in New York. It was just_ too_ important for me to leave things unattended. I was sure everyone could see through our little charade, but almost everyone seemed to act like they didn't notice. Alice "nosy pixie" Cullen, however, wouldn't let the subject drop. She kept on asking why it was so important for me to go back to New York. I did my best to get her off the subject, but she was so persistent that Edward had to step in to help make our little separation more believable.

"_You __now have been apart for almost four years and you are separating again? What is so important in New York that it can't wait? And if she can't go with you, why don't you go with her? Huh?"_

_Edward and I looked at each other, both so close to just coming out and telling her everything. But one look at Jasper's pleading face and we both silenced the truth that was ready to spill from our lips. Edward took a deep breath and quickly grabbed my hand, as he laced his fingers through mine. He brought my hand to his lips and gave it a quick kiss before he smiled. Edward turned to Alice and unleashed his big brother charm. _

"_You know how much this account I__'m working on is killing me, Alice. I need to finish it, but hopefully Bella will be back in Los Angeles before the end of the month."_

Of course we both knew that was a lie. He wanted Jacob fired and gone. Anything less than that was unacceptable to him. While I knew he was right, I still felt that I needed to do this on my own. T hankfully Emmett echoed Edward's comments about the account and Jasper even piped in a few words of the contracts that he had to have to drawn up for it.

"Bella? Come on, we were so close, don't shut me out. I just want to help. I can totally see through your little happy Stepford Wife routine, seriously it's downright creepy to see you and Edward act like everything is okay when obvious it is not. "

I focused on my food but ended up just playing with it as the waiter came back to make sure we had everything. I looked around the restaurant to see if anyone was too close to us to be able to hear our conversation. She suddenly reached out and stilled my hand.

"Is it really bad? Come on, you can tell me, Bella. I swear I won't crumble, I just want to help."

Finally my eyes met Alice's as she slowly sat back, reaching for her martini and gave me her signature, _"You need to spill it," look._

Every part of me wanted to talk to her. Ever since Chicago, so many things were different. In a matter of days, my whole foundation had cracked with such a force that I didn't even think it could be fixed.

I yearned for Alice's company again. I was just so lonely.

I refused to talk to Uncle Aro, who would call and email every day. As for Jacob, well…ever since the elevator incident a week ago, he had been the model employee. I hadn't even seen or heard from him. He was doing exactly as I had asked and I was proud of my strength in the matter. But I would be lying to myself if I said his presence and friendly banter weren't missed.

Leah was my only confidant left. I was happy that I had her, but her sudden distance was unnerving. This quick change wasn't much of a mystery or subtle by any means. Her sudden lack of smiles and optimistic attitude were a clear signal that something was very wrong. I saw the look on her face when I gave Jacob my final warning. While I knew she hated Jacob's mood swings and manic attitude, I also knew that they were very close. I understood their connection; working so closely with someone night and day, it was impossible for them not to form some kind of bond. In having banished Jacob from my sight, I had basically taken him away from Leah as well. It had made me feel even more disgusted with myself that I had yet again acted so selfishly and not realized that Leah, too, depended on him.

"For heaven's sake, would you stop slipping away? Look at me, please," Alice chimed in again.

I let out a deep sigh and knew that no matter what, this was my own personal hell. And I needed to find my own way out, by myself. I looked back at her and smiled a genuine smile.

"Alice, I swear everything is fine. Edward and I are perfectly fine. We have had a lot of things going on, but we are fine now. I can't wait to go to Los Angeles. I just have a few loose ends to take care of here in New York."

"Oh, you mean besides getting rid of Jacob Black?" I sat back and tried hard not to let the shock of her words show. "Don't give me that look, Bella; I know I can act like a spoiled and self-centered socialite. I even might end up being the worst bridezilla around, but I'm not so checked out of reality that I haven't noticed your faithful sidekick's absence. And if you ask me, it is pretty low of Edward to ask you to get rid of him."

My jaw suddenly lost all control and I found myself gaping at her.

"I..um...I…don't know what you mean, Alice," I stuttered. "Edward would never make such a demand, besides Jacob's taking some time away. It was mutual decision. I don't know where you got that vibe, but I assure you it couldn't be further from the truth."

"Get off it, Bella, don't serve me a plate of shit and tell me it's fudge cake. I know that Jasper asked you and Edward to keep this from me. My lovely soon-to-be better-half forgets that I am all knowing."

Alice tapped her temple with her index finger and smiled. "Besides, Jacob Black wouldn't leave your side unless he was forced to. And the fact that Edward just got you back and now suddenly he isn't here with you, after almost going completely insane in Ve—" Alice stopped mid-sentence and I looked up at her suddenly.

I felt an icy cold sensation flow through my veins. I took deep and necessary breaths to steady my nerves. I pressed my fingers to my temples and closed my eyes. Everything brought me back to the pictures that Jacob had given to me back in Chicago, of Edward talking to Victoria in the stairwell of the hotel and they had been —no doubt about it— seared permanently in my mind. My thoughts filtered even farther back to the news reports of, _"Edward Cullen walking out of a Las Vegas hotel with an unidentified woman."_

I felt a tight nauseous sensation in my stomach but pushed back the rising feeling. The questions I was too afraid to ask Edward about those pictures flooded my mind. My control snapped and I wanted to know. I just wanted to know everything.

"What, Alice? Finish your sentence. What about Vegas?" I leaned in close and sat forward in my chair. I watched as she fidgeted uneasily. "Tell me, Alice, please."

"Bella, I don't even know what to say, I mean, Edward would kill me..."

"Alice, you leave your brother to me. Besides, I can assure you not telling me would be much worse, not only for him, but for you, too," I stated determinedly. I was beyond caring if it came out menacingly or as an ultimatum; I wanted the truth and I wanted it now!

I watched as Alice looked around. Thankfully, the patrons were too busy with their own lunches and affairs to be paying too much attention to us.

"Bella, well, after you left, and after the news report that caught you two fighting at your house in Los Angeles, well, we all stepped back, thinking that you and Edward needed time. When we did ask him, Edward would give Mom and me some crazy explanation of how you 'needed time' or how you were fine and in contact. At one point, he flipped out and told us to mind our own business. He screamed that he just couldn't take it anymore. Edward did eventually try and open up to Dad, Emmett, and Jasper. But even they had a hard time getting anything more out of him.

"Part of me started to get really worried when I saw a picture of Edward and Tanya Denali a little while after you left, but I knew from Jasper that my brother was working with her on a merger."

As Alice continued to go on, I covered my mouth with my hand in an effort to keep a painful whimper from escaping me. I knew what picture she was talking about, I knew it well. I tried to keep my emotions at bay. I needed to focus on her story.

Alice rattled on slowly and steadily comments about Emmett's behavior and attitude toward Edward when he came back from a business trip, and how her suspicions were that it had to do with me. She was kind enough not to pry, but as she listed every event that followed Edward around in the media from her point of view, I grew increasingly anxious.

Finally, I slammed my hand down and curled my fingers around the edges of the table.

"Alice," I hissed. "I already know that Edward was with Victoria in Vegas. Jacob showed me the pictures in Chicago. So please, just tell me about Vegas. No need to tell me about a story that I already know because I've already lived it. Please, put me out of my misery and tell me once and for all about Victoria."

"Please, Bella, you have to hear me out on some of this. Please. At Edward's request, most of us finally just stopped asking him questions that had to do with you. But it was hard to miss how much Edward had changed. He did his best to act the part of a functioning human being, but his eyes, they were dead, Bella. Like truly dead. No life. No light."

She stopped speaking for a minute, and I slumped back in my chair, as I imagined my love in such a state. I felt a deep pain when I realized it was all because of me.

"About a year or two ago, there was some buzz about spotting you here in New York. I had just come back to Los Angeles, and he frantically called me asking me if I had seen or met you. It wasn't until then that I realized that maybe you guys really had little to no contact at all. I tried to talk to him, to get him to tell me what was going on, but he just snapped at me. Slowly but surely, he just started to drain, Bella, I mean his life was running smoothly, but it was like he was on auto pilot. Finally a while later, I don't know when, he just all of sudden shut down. I mean really shut down. He had no more smiles for anyone and was all business. If he got into a fight with his merger team, he wouldn't be his usual professional self; he even ended up behaving like a spoiled kid at times. For us to see him that way, so utterly out of control, it was painful. We all tried to contact you, but even that led to a dead end. When Jasper came home one night after fixing one of Edward's many manic displays with his team, I decided enough was enough. He needed a serious talking to, and someone to tell him like it was. I was done watching him spiral down in a cycle of extremely immature behavior. I knew I needed to help my brother and decided not to take no for an answer."

Alice quickly took a sip of her water and closed her eyes for a moment. When she looked back up at me and gazed into my eyes, I could tell that she was very nervous.

"Bella, about six months ago, I had to go to Vegas to style a shoot for _Parade_ and I invited Edward to come along. He was hesitant at first, and when he started with his stupid excuses, I lost it with him. I just unloaded years worth of anger toward you both on him alone."

"What do you mean, Alice? Anger toward both of us?" I asked slowly.

"Bella Cullen, did you really think that we all are so stupid, that we didn't know that you two were fighting? When _you_ up and disappeared without so much as a goodbye to everyone? To Esme? Did you think we would just go on with our lives and ignore the fact that you were just gone?"

"No, Alice, I always assumed you knew. I mean, maybe not at first, but I was sure after a while Edward would have at least said something." I could see Alice's eyes narrow in anger.

"Bella, we shouldn't have had to hear anything from him. We all, especially Esme, should have heard it from you." Alice stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. "But that is another topic for another time. Bella, what I am trying to say is that I let Edward have it. Telling him, while we didn't know what the problem was, it was obvious there was one. And for him to not even let us help you both was stupid on both of your parts."

I nodded with her assessment; we both had behaved so badly and it ended up costing us so much.

"So I decided to convince him to try and take a break from the same old, same old and talked him into coming with me. When he realized he could also do some business with a new client there, he finally eased up and agreed. After the shoot, Edward showed up to take me to lunch and that was when I introduced him to a friend that we both had met a while back. Bella, that friend was Victoria."

I swallowed hard and bit my lower lip. I felt it quiver a little. "Just finish what you have to say. Please, I need to know."

"They…they… seemed to hit it off. Like, whatever she said, she made him laugh. It was different though. It was nothing like when he was with you. I mean, Victoria, well, she was flirtatious and kind of carefree. It was weird because Edward had seemed to change so much after you left. I felt he was going through a midlife crisis. But not once did I think anything of the time he spent with Victoria. Honestly, I can't remember them ever seeing each other totally alone. But soon after our time in Vegas was over, Edward and I went back to Los Angeles, while Victoria-well, she didn't really keep in touch. Or at least I thought she hadn't, until I saw that news report about Edward and an unidentified woman leaving a Las Vegas hotel a few months prior. I was so shocked to see him back there. But I knew right away from the video that it was Victoria. I was so furious that I called Edward and just about ripped him a new asshole."

"Did he sleep with her?" I whispered. I slowly looked up at her and caught her fearful expression. "Answer me, Alice. Did Edward fuck Victoria Newman in Vegas?"

"Bella, no, of course not! There is no way. I am sure of that." She reached out and held my hand.

"Then what, Alice? Tell me why I feel like you are keeping something from me. Just please stop all this and tell me."

"He was a mess, Bella. He kept telling me that he had made a mistake and that he should have been stronger, that he had faith in his marriage. He kept muttering how he missed you so much, and just wished he hadn't been drinking. I asked him over and over what he meant, but he wouldn't elaborate on it. He was so emotional and distraught, I just let it go. Edward never let me broach the subject with him again."

"Mistake? Been stronger? Drinking? Alice, he was admitting to you that he cheated on me."

"No, Bella, he was a mess because…because..."

"Because what, Alice? Please." I begged. She pulled her eyes away from me and stared down at her half-eaten food.

"He was a mess because he was sure you had somehow fallen out of love with him and that you were unfaithful to him," she whispered. "It was like he realized that his marriage was really over."

_What the fuck?_

"I swear, Bella, he didn't cheat. He might have come close, but really, he didn't cheat. He came to senses before anything happened, but you know Edward. He has always held himself to a different standard when it comes to you." Alice reached out and grabbed my hand, as she pleaded with me to believe her.

"Please, Bella, I know my brother. He didn't cheat, I know it." My jaw tightened at her words. As much as she knew her brother, she didn't know what had happened these last few weeks or even what led up to Edward and my separation.

As silence surrounded me, I was in shock. Granted, Uncle Aro had given Edward that impression, but he swore to me that he didn't believe it.

_So what? Maybe he did? _

No, no, no, no! If he had thought about it, he would have known that I could never cheat on him…I wasn't like that. He had to have known that. Right?

_What does that mean? He thought you trusted him unconditionally__. And you ran away at the first sign that things might have been amiss._

It was different.

_That is beside the point. Whatever Edward has done these last four years, you have to forgive him. He didn't start it. You did. __You were the one who pushed him down that road. When wouldn't he feel he was free to do as he liked? You left him without a single word for four years._

That last thought almost made me cry out in pain. I could feel my heart become heavier by the second. It was like a never-ending nightmare. At every turn, there was something crazy and something completely heartbreaking just waiting around the next corner.

Edward's haunting words from his letter came flashing back to me, his undying oath to accept any infidelity I may have committed. _"__If, for any reason, you have already been with someone else during our time apart and you're afraid of how I might react, you really don't need to worry about it. Love, we will work through it. You have always amazed me with your understanding nature and your ability to look at the overall picture. How can I not give that to you in return? You don't even have to tell me about it; I just want you back. That's all I want; that's all I truly care about. Is that so hard to understand?__"_

A painful tug at my heart almost propelled me forward in my seat, when I realized he loved me so much that he was willing to accept all my faults and even take me back —no questions asked— while I had so ruthlessly tossed him aside at the first sign of doubt.

_How could he not have __had moments of doubt? Does he not have the right to question your fidelity the way you constantly questioned his?_

The pain that was wracking through me pushed me to sob aloud. He had been innocent all these years, the pain he must have felt at knowing he had broken no vow, but he was punished for it, nevertheless.

_How fucking poetic! _

That I may have set events in motion that very well may have led my own husband into the arms of that hussy, that viper of a woman who just waited for a chance to take what was mine. I almost wanted to laugh at the irony, but instead, the unsettling realization that this was my life that lay in ruins, all carefully ripped apart by my own recklessness, made me want to vomit. 

"Alice, I am sorry. I need a second," I said as I stood shakily. I sprang up and ran toward the front of the restaurant. I looked over at the bar and saw Paul chatting up a waitress as she got some drink orders ready. I quickly asked the hostess which way was the ladies room and she directed me toward a back hallway.

I ran into the bathroom and was thankful the three stalls were empty when I arrived. I had to hold myself back from locking the door to give myself complete privacy; I knew it would only raise more speculation if anyone looked for me.

I walked over to the basin and slowly turned the water on. I submerged my hands into the cool water and slowly bent down to wash my very heated face. The water was refreshing and it suppressed the urge I had to throw up. My thoughts were filled with snapshots of Edward and Victoria. I remembered how he had wanted to talk to me about her at Alice's photo shoot. Fuck! I was just so dismissive. He had wanted to tell me about her, but I was too emotional and fed up to listen. Again, I had thwarted his attempts to soothe my mind and cast him aside when he tried to make things better between us.

Still, I knew there was something about her. I knew from the way she hugged him and how he reacted. I knew it from her spiteful, evil words to me. At first, I was sure it was jealously. I had met her type before, the uppity, sneering, attitude-filled hussy. The type that was sure that anyone who possessed outer beauty had an excuse to steal other women's men. She was the type that believed that in some crazy world, beautiful men should only belong with beautiful women.

At this moment, right now, I couldn't be so sure anymore. Did I deserve him? After all the pressures and anguish, all the heartbreak and misery I caused him, did I have the right to want him back?

The truth of the matter lay in the answer to one question alone. _Could you take him back if he did technically cheat on you, regardless of when it took place in the last four years? _

The delicate fabric of my heart that I had mended so subtly and softly, started to unravel at an alarming rate. My hands raced up to hold my chest in place as I felt a familiar sense of crippling pain and agony. Only this time it wasn't the feeling of betrayal that initiated my meltdown. It was guilt, remorse and utter helplessness. It was reliving the hell of walking in and seeing a naked woman in our bed, and falling down those stone steps in Italy and feeling my bones break as the delicate life of our child was shattered within me.

I looked up into the mirror of the ladies room and into the vacant reflection as it stared back at me. It was poetic justice, really. The very reason I had condemned him, the very thought that had made me walk out on him all those years ago-wouldn't it be ironic if this had become a self-fulfilling prophecy? It was even more harrowing because the blame for every single event that took place between me and Edward, together or apart, every mistake and misstep, was my fault. I was the villain, the big bad wolf. It had been me, all alone, all along. Was my own lack of faith in my marriage the reason Edward was put in a situation that ended with his committing the very act that I so desperately feared? I held back tears as I realized that it wasn't a matter of _if_ I accepted everything that Edward might have done in my absence. It would now and forever be a matter of if _Edward_ would take me back.

I felt the nauseous sensation in my chest inevitably shooting up again as I turned and ran to the nearest bathroom stall and barely reached it before I began to heave up everything I had eaten that day. I cried and coughed, releasing from my body not only food but the remnants of the pent-up guilt.

When my body was done with its self-imposed purging, I made it back to the sink and rinsed my mouth out with cool water. When my cell phone started to chime, I quickly grabbed it and saw it was Paul. I steadied my voice before I answered.

"Paul, I'm coming right out. I'm sorry, I just needed a minute."

"What the hell, Bells? I turn around and see you gone. You know better! Are you okay? I was going to come find you. " I could hear the anxiety in his voice.

"I am fine, I swear, just my crazy emotions. Gimme five minutes, okay? Can you go get the car started? I think I am ready to go home."

"Sure thing, I'll make sure there is a clear path this time." I clicked off and put the phone on the porcelain ridge of the sink and letout a deep breath. I bent down and took some cool water to wash my face.

I heard a sudden opening of the bathroom door as I reached over for a paper towel that was folded on the side.

_Must be Alice checking up on me._

"Paul doesn't trust me when I say five minutes, huh? Did he send you in to drag me out, Alice? " I said, quickly drying my face. I turned to throw the towel away and suddenly was grabbed by the neck and shoved back into the stall behind me.

_NO! _

I tried to scream as my mouth was covered and I was shoved face first into the metal wall of the bathroom stall. I struggled like a wild bird and tried to pull the callused hand from my mouth. I felt his body press against me from behind and pull me back a little before jerking me forward again, resulting in me hitting my head hard. As the sharp pain started to race up to my head, I suddenly felt a fog come over me.

My mind began to slowly scatter, but I managed to regain some strength.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," I heard his rough voice.

I still tried my best to struggle but the thick tree trunk-like arm encased my waist and lifted me up until my feet were dangling. His broad mass, sheer force and bulging muscles were holding me in place. I suddenly froze when I felt him lean in close and kiss my ear.

"Ti sono mancato, principessa?" _(Miss me, Princess?)_

My heart thudded against my chest. I closed my eyes and tried my best to remain calm. I needed to find a way out!

"Pensavi che il tuo cane e tuo zio potessero proteggerti per sempre?" _("Did you think your dog and Uncle could protect you forever?)_

My lower lip quivered. I didn't know how but I needed to get free. I reached down and struggled to reach for the door. He suddenly turned me around and banged me against the stall again. I felt the breath get knocked out of me and he let me go, sending me to my knees. My hands flew to my throat, as I rubbed against the sore spots where he had held onto. I looked up and my eyes widened in fear as I pressed myself back against the wall.

"YOU!" I screamed as I recognized the man in with the mirrored sunglasses looking down at me. I suddenly saw a smirk form as the corner of his mouth lifted into a smile. I felt a cold shiver go down my spine as I noticed a shining light reflecting off of the switch blade in his hand. "Please, just let me go!"

He looked up and chuckled. _Just hold on. Alice and Paul will come look for you!_

"Non ora, ma presto, presto finirò quello che intendevo finire a Roma." _(Not now, but soon. Soon, I will finish what I began in Rome)_ I could hear the decay of humanity in his voice, the loss of warmth from his soul with every word that rolled off of his venom-laced tongue.

He suddenly knelt down close to me and slid the blade close to base of my throat. My mind was frantically screaming at me to get out somehow and reach for the damn cell phone on the bathroom sink, as I felt him lean close to me again. He grabbed my chin and pulled me to look at him as he yanked off his sunglasses.

My eyes widened in fear and I sat frozen as I looked up into the coal black eyes staring down at me. Suddenly Jacob's voice and his conversation from the hotel in Chicago with Edward came screaming back to me.

"The man with the coal black eyes." I whispered. He leaned in closer. I instinctively shifted my body and wrapped my arms around myself and shook my head. I heard his deep throaty laugh as I closed my eyes and turned my face away from him. I wanted to cover my ears and hide, but my body was completely overtaken by fear. I bit my lip shut to hold back my sobs as I felt him come even closer and sniff my hair.

"Bellissimo piccolo cigno, così delicata, così preziosa. Mi chiedo se dovrei lasciare il mio segno su di te. Come si sentirebbe il tuo marito donnaiolo se contaminassi la sua piccola sposa? Pensi che ti vorrebbe ancora?" _(Beautiful little Swan, so soft, so precious. __I wonder if I should leave my mark on you. How would that playboy of a husband feel when I taint his little bride? Do you think he would still want you?) _

As I felt him rip the top two buttons of my blouse, my senses finally kicked in and a scream of epic proportions erupted from my throat. I made a fist and punched the bastard in the balls. I heard him grunt in pain as he fell back near the toilet.

"You fucking bitch!" I heard him roar as I crawled away from him.

"NO! NO!" I continued to scream as I struggled to stand up and grabbed at the bathroom stall door.

I scrambled out of the stall and tried to reach my phone from the sink as he grabbed my ankles and tried to pull me back. I fell face down on the ground as he began to yank me back toward him. I grabbed at my phone and pressed the emergency button for Paul's cell. I felt a heavy weight descend on my back as his fingers filtered through my hair and yanked my head back. I felt a shooting pain at the base of my skull when he pulled my head back at an odd angle. Even still I tried to pull away but couldn't since his grip only tightened.

I felt my throat start to constrict and I tried to claw at his fingers which still had a vice-like grip on my neck.

"I'm going to enjoy killing you!" he roared in my ear as I tried to twist from side to side.

"NO! NO!" I screamed hoarsely when he suddenly grabbed me and turned me over like a rag doll. He tried to straddle me again and grabbed my head only to bang it down against the tile floor. The first blow knocked the breath out of my body, but the second blow knocked me completely senseless. I felt my arms fall down beside my head and, as much as I tried, I couldn't scream or move.

I tried to breathe but the weight of his body on me made it hard. I felt his stone cold hands grip my throat and suddenly felt him start to add pressure on contact. My mind was a haze as I struggled to keep myself conscious. I heard him laugh and whisper words of revenge and betrayal.

My thoughts slowly drifted and my memories started to pour out. I heard the laughter and the joy as well as the sadness that seemed so far away. As I lay there and gasped for air, my hands clawed at this maniac who was stealing my life force_. _

_I hear__d my mother's voice as she wished me a happy birthday and I saw her smiling at me, she morphed into my father who kissed me goodnight after he finished checking my bedroom for monsters. Suddenly I saw Edward, as we danced our first wedding dance. I heard "Unchained Melody," in the background as he leaned down and kissed me deeply on the dance floor. He locked his eyes with me and whispered, "I love you, Bella."_

The hands that gripped my throat were suddenly ripped from me and real life came back into focus. My body lurched up as it fought to breathe, my hands started to clutch at my neck and I tried to soothe it as I heard Alice's screams echo into the room. I realized that Paul stood in the doorway, with his gun aimed at the man who towered above me. I looked up at the man with black coal eyes as he pulled his switch blade out and lunged at Paul.

As the scene unfolded before me, everything slid into slow motion. I covered my ears as the thundering pulses of bullets whizzed above me. I locked eyes with my captor as his body was hammered with bullets. As the blood started to pour out him, I felt his weight suddenly shift and his form began to teeter. Just when I thought that he was going to fall onto me, Paul leapt toward him and tackled him off me.

I quickly felt Alice pull me back outside of the bathroom of Hell. I watched as Paul raised his fisted hand and punched the man with continuous strokes. The moans and cries that came from the bastard echoed into hallway.

I wrapped my arms around Alice as I closed my eyes and tried hard to keep myself composed. Minutes later, we were surrounded by screaming voices of police and paramedics. I heard them but couldn't bring myself to answer. The second I felt l Alice start to pull away from me, I tightened my grip and buried myself in her arms.

We were pushed and pulled as the police tried to whisk us away. Alice told someone not to cover me with a blanket, but to surround us with it, so I wouldn't feel so suffocated. When we exited the eatery, I heard Paul scream for Sam across the street. Suddenly, one of the blankets was somehow let go and I knew that people could see us.

"Paul, cover them! There might be a sniper somewhere!" Sam's commanding voice boomed out.

"It's Isabella Cullen and Alice Cullen!" a voice in the distance called out.

Iheard the screams and photo snapping of the paparazzi suddenly explode. I felt the flashes even though my eyes were closed. I heard their calls for me to look at the camera and heard them scream out the most horrible questions. I maintained my silence all the way into the car. Alice continued to hold me as the cars began to pull away from the insane media frenzy. Alice softly talked to someone on the phone, while Sam was screaming at Jacob on his phone.

"I don't care, Jacob! You have to call Bella's lawyer first and get him to Paul. Don't worry, I will not leave her! Yeah, I know. I'll text you when we get there and make sure you are allowed in. Don't worry, damn it! Okay, okay, she will never be alone. I got her covered." I could hear the certainty in his voice and he soon calmed his tone.

I keep my eyes completely closed, while I continued to hold my emotions back. I didn't know why, but deep down I just couldn't let myself feel. It was like I didn't know how to process what happened.

"Bella, sweetheart, everything is going to be fine. Okay?" Alice whispered. But all I managed to do was nod.

_I will not cry, I will not cry._

The darkness I was surrounded with felt so safe and warm. It allowed me my escape from all the voices and sounds of the city. As I felt the momentum of the car start to slow, I still refused to open my eyes. My body suddenly needed its rest and I felt myself drift into a much needed slumber.

When I managed to open my eyes, I was in a dimly lit room. I smelled the sterile stench and heard the faint humming of medical equipment before my vision cleared up enough for me to focus on it. I didn't see anyone in the room with me, and suddenly an anxious feeling came over me as I attempted to sit up. I tried to swallow but my throat was tender and dry. When I sat up, a stinging sensation overtook my hand and I realized I had an IV line inserted on the top of it.

I was going to lie back down when I heard a faint echoing of footsteps coming down the hall outside of my room. I watched the dim light that poured into my room from under the door and saw two pairs of shoes stop outside of it. I waited for the person or persons to enter but only heard voices beginning to talk.

"What are you waiting for? Go inside." I knew that to be Alice. "She might still be sleeping, but go in. You have to be there when she wakes up. Bella needs you."

"Dear God, Alice. What if she realizes she doesn't want me once she awakens?" My heart started to ache when I heard Edward's smooth and silky voice start to speak. "I failed her, damn it."

"No, you didn't, dummy! But you will fail her if you don't get your ass in there. She needs you now, more than ever." I nodded quickly, hoping he would listen to her.

"Why the fuck is there no one guarding this door?" he suddenly raged.

"I know Jacob was here, but they can't use cell phones on this floor so he went down the hall real quick. He was right here a second ago," Alice said.

"That doesn't make a difference! Why the fuck isn't Sam here? There should be two people guarding her!" Edward bellowed.

"Where are you going? Edward!" Alice called out.

"Fuck it! Alice, you stay here, better yet, go in and sit with her until I get back!" Edward's voice seemed farther from the door.

"Edward, wait!" Alice called out to him.

I watched the feet move away from the door and I tried to call out.

"No! No!" Only a hoarse whisper came out; no matter how hard I tried to scream, the noises of the machines drowned out my futile attempt to call for him.

I struggled to pull off my IVs and hissed in pain as I ripped the needles from my hand. I pressed the injection sites to stop the throbbing as I moved my aching body to the edge of the bed. I planted my wobbling feet on the floor one at a time, and prayed they didn't give way. I used my hands to hold on to the furniture, barely getting to the door of my room. I pulled with all my might and squinted when my room was flooded with the fluorescent light that illuminated the hallway. The light burned my eyes. The hallway was empty except for the two dark figures that were walking away from my room. I knew that it had to be Edward and Alice.

As I stepped out into the hallway, I tried to focus my sight but nothing really came into view. But I knew it was him. It had to be Edward. I tried to walk toward them by holding onto the walls and trolleys in the hallway, but their steps were more forceful and their strides were too long. I could see that they were getting farther away from me.

As I frantically tried to catch up, the pent-up emotion erupted from me, and the walls I was using for support suddenly came to an end but still, I pushed on. I reached out and tried to walk on my own, but my legs lost their strength and I tumbled to the floor. I could see the two lone figures almost just small dots farther away now. I gathered my strength and swallowed a painful sob. As my lower lip quivered, I felt the emotion boiling within me and with all the strength I could muster, I cried out.

"EDWARD!" I was thankful that the echo of the hallway helped raise my voice a little louder and helped carry it a little farther down the hall. Suddenly the walking shadowy figures stopped. I squinted again and raised my head to look for them.

"Bella?" I had to smile as I heard his melodic satin-like voice and let out a sob, as I raised my hand to him. "BELLA!"

The echoing clatter of heels and shoes filled the hallway and I knew that Alice and Edward were running to me. I tried to push myself to get closer to them as I began to crawl. I heard voices from the opposite end of the hallway, I assumed they were the doctors and nurses, but I didn't care. I stayed focused on Edward, who I felt running toward me.

"Edward!"

I whispered out to him again-my voice had clearly given out on me-as my vision started to focus a little. I saw him slide to his knees and open his arms as he captured me into hard hug. Edward pulled me to his chest and cradled me in his lap. My emotional dam broke as the events of the day suddenly became too much to bear. I clung to him and buried myself in the nape of his neck and started to let out my sobs of agony. Everything I held back, everything that I was afraid to let myself feel, everything just started to pour out of me. I brought myself out of my safe darkness and let in the light that was Edward. I just let everything go. For once in my life, I let my barriers down and all the feelings I had at some point trapped inside, poured out.

"Shhhh, Bella, shhhh, it's all right. You're safe, baby. You are safe. Shhhh, sweetheart, I love you. I have you, Bella."

"Don't leave…" I managed to whisper into his neck. My arms slid around him and I tightened my hold on him.

"I am here, Bella, and I am not going anywhere. I am never letting you go again. Shhhhh, baby. It is all going to be all right."

I sat in his lap for what seemed like forever. He rocked me in his arms, held me to his chest, as he rubbed my back and kissed my face. When he eventually did get up, he kept me close to him as he carried me back to the room. Instead of laying me down on the bed, he kicked his shoes off while holding me. He shifted and slowly sat on the edge of the bed.

"Mr. Cullen!" one of the nurses called. "Sir, please, this is not allowed."

"I really don't care what is allowed and what isn't. I am not letting go of her for one second. So please, get out." When the nurse continued to argue, I heard Edward call out, "Alice!"

Like magic, I heard Alice's stern voice start to chatter as she pulled the nurse out of the room with her. As the door shut, Edward leaned back and swung his body up to lay down, with me firmly plastered to his side. He pulled the blankets over us and kissed the top of my head.

"Go to sleep, love, you need your rest. And don't worry,when you wake up, I will be here. I'm never letting you go again, Bella. I swear."

As I adjusted myself to his side again and I curled into him, I took a deep breath and inhaled Edward's essence. The spicy cinnamon scent that I took in filled me with such ease, as it soothed my soul. As our skin touched and the electric humming sensation enveloped us both like a shield, I was filled with a nostalgic feeling. I was taken back to every moment of tenderness that we shared-Our first kiss, the first time we made love, our wedding night, our honeymoon and every moment since then that had helped us cement the love that we had for each other.

The weight of those memories hit me like a tidal wave as I felt the feeling of love and warmth flood my body. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't hold back. My body shook with the sobs that accompanied the emotion I had locked away for so long. As my tears flowed, I felt Edward kiss my forehead and pull me closer to him.

This was the first time in four years, here in Edward's arms, that I finally felt like I was home.


	20. Chapt 20 Pt 1 Playing The Part

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Happy Birthday Sandra! I hope you had the birthday ever! Miss you so much!**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Twenty Part One

**Playing The Part**

I woke with a start and sat up in bed. My hands instinctively reached for my face and neck, and I winced at the pain that came alive, as I hit the tender spots that were a stark reminder of my treacherous ordeal. I looked around the hospital room for Edward but like every morning these last two days, he was already up before me, working to catch up on business he had missed.

I dragged myself out of bed to look out at the city that seemed to soothe my soul. While taking in the architectural masterpiece of a city filled with beautiful buildings, I let my subconscious float to everything I had tried desperately to suppress.

_How do you get over almost being murdered? Especially when you realize that it wasn't the first time that someone tried to kill you. Are you thankful that you're alive? What about the reasons for someone wanting you dead? How do you handle not knowing why someone would hate you so much that they would want to follow__you around the world just to kill you? Do you hire more security? Do you stop going out?_

I reached for and took a sip of coffee that had a note "For Bella—Love, Alice," attached to it.

I mentally braced myself when the thought that caused me the most relief and pain crossed my mind.

_What do you do when you realize that you weren't responsible for the death of your baby?_

I felt a familiar shiver race down my spine, and I forced myself to push the thought to the back of my mind. If I wasn't ready to talk about it, then I wasn't ready to think about it either.

I continued to watch the snow fall from the sky and slowly blanket the city one flake at a time. A slight humming sensation filled me as I watched.

"Bella?"

I turned to find a freshly shaven Edward emerge from the bathroom holding a hand towel around his neck. Wearing only a tight undershirt and jeans that hung low around his hips, he stood there slowly patting his chin dry. He was a vision of calm, cool and collected. Edward had always been the kind of man who took control in any situation-well, any situation but one.

_I have to stop thinking about it. I'm not ready!_

The entire two days that I had been in this hospital room had been spent with the two of us tip-toeing around each other. It was painfully obvious we both had a lot to talk about, but the cowards that we were took the distraction of someone trying to kill me and used it as a shield.

_Avoidance_, it was, after all, what we did best.

"What are you thinking about so deeply?" I smiled when I heard his smooth voice call me out of my inner thoughts. I shook my head and slowly turned to face him. Taking another long sip of my coffee, I took a moment to eye fuck the magnificent man in front of me.

Edward, firmly rooted in his spot, watched me gaze at him from head to toe. He dropped the towel onto the chair next to him and walked over to me. Edward reached out for my cup of coffee and gently lifted it from my hands.

"Come here," he whispered as he opened his arms to me.

I took a step forward, pressed myself against Edward's firm chest and felt him envelop me in his arms.

Standing here in his arms, it was like I was in heaven. It wasn't any more or less than that. I had taken so much for granted when we were together, and when we were apart, it was the simple moments like this that I missed so much. Even though I missed waking up naked in Edward's arms from a marathon of love making the night before, it was the simplicity of the comfortable routine that I realized I was eager to get back to.

I hated the awkwardness that plagued us in Chicago. While the delicate dance we did around each other was due more to the lies and secrets we had kept from one another, it was also because we were unsure of what was acceptable behavior for two people who were so indecisive about their situation.

"I fucking hate it when you start your inner monologue." I jerked my head and locked eyes with him.

"What?" I asked, and Edward just rolled his eyes as he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"Whenever you are so quiet and your heart is thudding against your ribcage, I know that your brain is running a mile a minute around some sordid thought," he whispered against me.

"Sordid, huh?" I smiled as I leaned up to kiss his chin. Edward clutched my robe and pulled me up to him, peppering me with kisses, from my jaw to my ear. The sensation was too much, and I shied away from his electric kisses. But Edward still held me close enough to nuzzle my hair.

"I'm hoping for sordid, because then any other thought might mean it was something serious. I'm not gonna lie; I don't want to think about anything serious."

I pulled back to gaze into his eyes and quickly got lost in his deep pools of green. My stare slowly drifted to his parted lips, and I watched his tongue dart out to moisten them.

There was a slow internal battle that progressed within me since my attack. While Edward never left my side and was constantly hugging or touching me, his kisses always seemed chaste. At times, he avoided my mouth altogether. While we both weren't short of desire or chemistry-I knew this because I felt his erection against me every time he was close enough—nothing ever seemed to sway Edward. No amount of yearning or hunger I showed him seemed to matter.

_If you want to kiss him, then do it!_

I shook my head. I wasn't sure why I was so afraid of initiating something as simple as a kiss with my husband. What I did know was that I needed to stop thinking and just do what I wanted.

_Just do it for fuck's sake! Just do what you want!_

What if he pulls away?

_What if he doesn't?_

I hesitantly slid my hand over his shoulder and around his neck, while I settled the other on his chest. I parted my lips slowly and moistened them before I pulled myself to him.

The electric hum that shot through my body as my lips made contact with his was amazing. It was like someone turned on the switch to my soul. My eyes closed, I leaned up and pressed myself to him and wrapped both my arms around his neck to deepen our kiss. I swear I heard him whisper, "_Fuck it,_" against my lips as he tightened his hold on me.

Edward forged deeper to kiss and massage my tongue with his. Our kisses were frantic and desperate; there was no rhythm, no pace. The fire and passion that we both felt poured out of us.

I pulled away, but only when my lungs started to burn with need for air, and I panted against his lips.

"I need you, Edward," I whispered and Edward moaned in response as he placed slow kisses down my neck. I arched my neck back and gave him more access to me. He kissed and sucked all the way down to the base of my neck, and I felt him slowly start to part my robe.

It wasn't until a few seconds had passed that I realized something was wrong.

_He fucking regrets kissing me. He's not ready to make up and move on._

"Edward?" I whispered, as I tried to pull back and look at him. I heard him take a deep breath, but instead of pushing me away, he pulled me closer to him.

"It must have hurt so badly." I heard him whisper and I pulled back slowly to see the painful expression on his face. He cupped my cheek and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

_The bruises, he's talking about the bruises._ I let out a slow breath.

I felt a sudden chill course its way through my body as I felt _his _fingers ghost around my neck. My mind was flooded with images of that man. I heard the echo of his horrible words resonate inside my skull. I flinched back as I felt a soft pressure at the base of my throat.

"Bella, what is it? Are you all right?" I heard the panic lace Edward's voice as he held me around the waist. I pressed myself against his chest, desperate in my need to eliminate the feeling of dread that was threatening to overwhelm me.

"I just…I just-I'm sorry." I stuttered as I quickly reached for the armchair and sat down. "It sometimes just comes back full force, you know?"

Edward quickly kneeled by my side, his concern still evident. Before he could say anything, I quickly pressed my fingers against his lips.

"Let's just not worry about this; I mean, this borders on a topic that is serious, right? You said nothing serious, so let's just stop, I almost begged.

He slowly shook his head and kissed my fingers before he pulled them off of his lips. "Fuck what I said, Bella. Please just talk to me. You know I'm here for you, right?"

I sent him a quick smile and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. I couldn't help but feel the fluttering sensation against the dull ache of everything.

"I know, Edward. I know I can tell you anything, but I'm fine, I swear. I am not hiding or trying to downplay my feelings. It comes and it goes." Edward slid his hands over mine and held them close to his mouth as he kissed them softly.

"That's what I'm worried about. You never talk to me, Bella. In fact, I can't remember a time where you ever have." As I tried to speak, he quickly shook his head to silence me. "I know we haven't had to face the kind of crisis that we are facing now, but Bella, when it comes to your emotions on life-altering situations, you have never truly confided in me how you have felt."

I pulled my hands back and let out a deep breath. _What the fuck? Where is this coming from?_

"Okay. Granted, I might have trouble just sitting down and really _talking_ about hard-core emotional things, but Edward, come on, give me some credit here. So I didn't face the problems we were having, but it's not true that I never confided in you."

I watched as he slowly ran an agitated hand through his hair and stood up to pace in front of the window.

"I'm not talking about the last four fucking years. All right, maybe parts of it. Fuck-whatever, okay, all of it, but Bella, damn it, you have to feel some kind of stress right now about what happened."

I stood up, made my way over to him and poked him in the chest.

"Who are you to tell me how I'm feeling, huh?" Edward took a slow step back, but I matched it by moving forward with him. "Answer me, Edward. How do you even know that something is wrong with how I'm feeling? I mean, what makes you an authority?"

"Because I'm betting you haven't shed a single tear since everything happened." Both our heads snapped toward the domineering voice at the door. "Well, am I right, Bells?"

I couldn't believe it. After all these years, I was finally in the same room with the one man whom I had been sure would never leave the security of his home.

_Charlie._

As I took in his appearance, I realized the years had been good to him. Unlike most of the men his age, my father was still very physically fit. He stood tall with broad shoulders, and his hair, still in the standard Forks PD uniform cut that always kept him looking younger than he was. The only signs that he had aged were the lines around his eyes.

I couldn't pinpoint the last time I had seen my father, but the last "real" conversation we had was when Edward and I told him that we were getting married. Of course, Charlie lost his temper; he listed the reasons that Edward was no good for me and said that I would live to regret giving myself to him. I closed my eyes as the words ghosted over my ears, and when I opened them, Charlie gave me a questioning look.

Before I was able to open my mouth to speak, he looked from me to Edward and broke the ice.

"Edward." I heard Edward clear his throat, before he walked over to Charlie.

"Mr. Swan, sir. How are you?" He reached out and offered his hand for Charlie to shake. "I hope the trip and plane ride was not too difficult."

_Of course, Edward called him._

Charlie ignored Edward's hand and instead dropped his bag by the door. He walked over to the cushioned chair I had vacated in my angry state and swiftly sat down.

"Yeah, it was fine. Thank you, son." I watched as he moved to say something else but quickly stopped himself by pressing his lips together. He leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees. "Yeah, that plane was pretty small. Makes a grown man feel like he's in a kid-sized plane, you know?"

Edward folded his arms across his chest and watched as Charlie looked for the remote. After a few minutes, Edward grabbed it from the side table and handed it to him. He mumbled his thanks and flipped through the channels.

"There isn't any baseball on from what I know, but ESPN is on channel is forty-five," Edward mentioned as he ran a hand through his hair. Charlie nodded and switched it to the channel before he relaxed.

I should've been offended that after all this time, after everything that had happened, my father would rather sit and watch TV than hug his only daughter. But what caused me to pause with my inner anger was the way he interacted with Edward.

I couldn't believe it; my father and my husband. actually had tried to be civil with each other. When both of them turned to look at me, I quickly closed my gaping mouth and sat down on the corner of my bed. I could sense they both were waiting for me to say something, so I swallowed hard and remained sitting on the bed.

The thin layer of tension that already existed between Edward and me when Charlie walked into the room was suddenly magnified to an almost unbearable level. So instead of communicating, we just stayed in our respective corners, as we waited and watched each other. Edward looked from me to Charlie and realized quickly that we were both too chicken-shit to start a conversation on our own. So he took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, before he walked to me.

He sat next to me on the bed and lifted my hand to kiss it.

"So, Charlie, how are things in Forks these days? Bella and I were talking about how we needed to come out there for a visit soon." My head shot up and looked over at Edward in confusion. Then I realized Edward was taking a page out of the Swans' handbook for awkward situations. The name of the imaginary chapter he was pulling this one from had to be called "_Avoidance_."

The fact that no one was engaged in a shouting match filled me with a small sense of hope that maybe—just maybe-Charlie's being here wouldn't be so bad.

"A visit, huh? Yeah, well, we'll have to see if you do that." His tone was strong and laced with doubt. Charlie always had a way of getting his point across with the least amount of words possible. It was an art, really. His body language and the tone of his voice was all it took to know what mood Charles Swan was in.

I felt Edward stiffen next to me, and all I could do was let out a deep sigh. And just like that, the happy shiny feeling was gone.

The uncomfortable morning had morphed into an even more uncomfortable afternoon when Jacob and Sam arrived at my hospital room. The men stood their ground and spoke calmly about lighthearted subjects. The thin veil of diplomacy that they displayed was appreciated, but so obvious that it made listening to them unbearable. There was only so much unpronounced tension I could take.

The idea that my father, who for the most part of my life had been extremely absent from everything remotely important and even life threatening, was sitting here in front of me chit- chatting was very unnerving.

The loving and carefree, but stern, man I called my father vanished into thin air the moment the angelic and amazing woman I called my mother died. The compassion and the warmth left his soul and instead Charlie Swan was a shell of his former self. When I was young, I tried to be strong and not create waves. He already made it very clear what his thoughts were about my missing my mother's funeral and inviting the love and care of Uncle Aro into my life. He took every opportunity to remind me that my own mother "_Walked away from them For a reason and look what happened to her because of her plight to make things right with her family."_

While he never said it explicitly, it was clearly implied. I knew I should've been ecstatic and relieved that my own father was here with me when I almost lost my life, but I couldn't help but feel suspicious. For me, Charlie Swan wasn't one to ever give up and be the bigger man. If there was one thing that Charlie knew very well how to do, it was how to hold a grudge.

I just couldn't put my finger on what his agenda was and it was driving me mad.

Thankfully before I went loco, Carlisle's friend, Dr. Simone Taylor, walked in and told me I could finally go home. But not before she gave me a lecture about talking to a professional about the attack. She handed me a glossy colorful pamphlet on "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." I could see Jacob and Edward both listening intently to the doctor as she listed all the reasons she felt I would benefit.

"Remember, Mrs. Cullen, preemptive care is the best care." She repeated. I smiled but rolled my eyes after she left. I caught both Edward and Jacob reading the pamphlets that she had placed by my bag. I could already see both of them coming up with a game plan on why I needed therapy.

_I'm not crazy. I am fine, damn it!_

It was obvious that both Edward and Jacob had apparently found that they had common ground on one particular subject.

That subject was "_How best to protect Bella and drive her insane at the same time_." Besides their independent crusade to get me to talk to someone, they both smothered me with their demands. It was nauseating how they both were suddenly so agreeable with each other's decisions. Obviously, they knew that I couldn't fight them both, so in the end, I would have no choice but to give in to them.

Regardless, I steeled my resolve and made the decision that no matter how nice or how relentless they were, I wouldn't give in. I didn't need to see a therapist.

The only bright side to Edward and Jacob joining forces was that they weren't so eager to cut each other down. After all the put downs and insults, after all the threats and looks of disgust, it was very calming to see them getting along. I had never in my life thought that those two would stand in the same room, shake hands with visibly genuine positive attitudes and actually laugh at each other's jokes.

_Then again, it could be an act._

While I hoped it would last, I wasn't so naïve as to believe that this newfound Utopia between the two was going to last forever. All it would take was a simple misunderstanding for both of them to revert back to their old ways.

Charlie decided to leave early and go to my apartment to rest from the long trip. I was packing the last of my things while Edward went to make sure the car had pulled around when I heard Jacob knock and step into my hospital room.

"Hey, Bella, are you ready?" I turned as I zipped up the little carrying bag.

"Yes, just finishing up. Is Edward with you?" I turned back to slip on my coat and grabbed my sunglasses.

"He is waiting downstairs with Sam. He wanted to make sure that the paparazzi's weren't breaching security. You know-doing his thing." He shrugged as he grabbed the bag from my hand. When I felt the brush of his fingers against my hand, I quickly pulled back. I felt Jacob stiffen and drop the handbag.

I closed my eyes and realized how my reaction might have looked. I heard him murmur "sorry" and pick up the bag.

"Jacob, wait," I called as he shuffled to the door. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Bella. I know it was just a reaction," He said as he continued to the door.

"I meant about everything-I'm sorry about everything," I said barely above a whisper. He stopped with his hand on the door knob and let out a deep breath. "I didn't mean for things to be this way, and it's just that-I guess I just wanted to say that."

Jacob shook his head as he turned to lean against the door. He looked over at me as we both just stood on opposite corners of the room and let the silence envelop us. Jacob pushed off from the door and walked toward me. He didn't slow down until he had pulled me into a hug. I honestly didn't know how I felt about being held in Jacob's arms, but I shut my inner alert system and let it be.

I wanted to hug the one constant protector and caretaker I had known my whole life. Even though he was also the same man who was so careless with my trust that he was ready to destroy my marriage.

_A marriage you walked away from._

Suddenly, it was too much. I pulled back and gave us some distance. I heard him sigh as he shoved his hands into his pocket.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm sorry, Bella, so sorry. I let you down."

"Jacob, you didn't let me down. I know you did what you believed was right. I just-just-forget it. I can't get into it. I can't do this now. We'd just start fighting again." I sighed.

"Are you trying to say that we can't have an adult conversation?" Jacob mused. I chuckled as I picked at a loose thread on my sleeve. I looked up and caught Jacob's misty eyed gaze.

I bit my lower lip and looked away quickly.

"Jacob, while I'm really glad that you and Edward have found some middle ground, I want you to know that right now it doesn't change how I feel about everything. I can't pretend that what happened between us is simply water under the bridge."

I heard him take in a deep breath and knew I had probably made a mistake in confessing my position to him. I wasn't sure what he was thinking, but I was confident that whatever it was, it had to be bad. I stood still and refused to meet his gaze.

"Trust me. Edward and I haven't found a middle ground. We still can't stand each other. We've just decided to put our hate on the back burner, since it won't be helping matters if we were always trying to kill each other, while trying to find out who is dead set on trying to kill…" He stopped midsentence and mumbled under his breath. "Jesus, that was so fucking insensitive. I'm sorry, Bells."

I looked up and gave him a half smile.

"I know what you meant, so no worries." I watched as he looked around before he quickly turned back to me. He grabbed my upper arm and pulled me close to him. I could see his jaw twitch as he stared intently into my eyes and searched them for something.

"Bella, please listen to me. I'm not asking you to forget or even forgive. I know what my part was in this mess, but I can't have you walk around thinking that I was trying to hide things and mess up your marriage on purpose. I mean-I almost lost you, damn it. You almost died, and I just don't know what I would have done if I had lost you, with you thinking the worst of me." His voice was frantic and begged for some kind of understanding. "I'm sorry, Bella, but sooner or later you're gonna need to stop hiding and face up to certain truths. I mean, there is more to this fucked-up mess than just me hiding things."

I searched his eyes with equal intensity, trying to figure out the reason behind the urgent tone to his voice.

"Jacob, what are you trying to tell me? Is there something else I should know?" I asked quickly. I could see from Jacob's eyes that he was already hesitating with his answer. "I know you're not the only one to blame, damn it, and I know things have been fucking unfair. Especially after everything you have done for me and I decided you needed to stay away. But, Jacob, please I am begging you; if there is something else you have left to say-if there is something you need to tell me-then please just tell me."

"I can't, Bella. As much as I want to, I can't. I need you to trust me."

"No!" I shook my head aggressively. "You can't just tell me there is more to why you did what you did and then say that I have to trust you. I'm sorry, but it does not work that way!"

I turned and walked toward the window. "After everything that has happened, I can't live with more unanswered questions. If you don't tell me, Jacob, it will only make things harder. It will make things irreversible between us. Right now, it's not too late, please, just tell me what I need to know."

Jacob pulled me to face him.

"I want nothing more than to fucking tell you everything! But you have to believe me right now. You have to trust that I am doing what is best for you. Bells, all of this is fucking killing me. This…" He gestured between us. "This shit that's between us, I would want nothing more than to make things right. But now is not the time. Fuck! Just believe me when I say that there was more behind my actions than the fact that I was pissed that that son of a bitch had cheated on you."

My blood started to boil; I couldn't believe we were back to this again. As much as I wanted to keep things calm, he had pushed me to my limit again.

"Just tell me the truth already! What the fuck could have possibly happened that made you want to keep everyone I loved away from me, Jacob? And just so you know, Edward never cheated, so I need you to stop with your constant comments that he did. But that really is beside the point, isn't it? You stand here and ask me to trust in you, but how can I do that when you've done nothing but destroy it? You seem to forget that you've done nothing to in the last four years to show that my trust in you wasn't misplaced. Instead, you took every opportunity to take advantage of it. In Italy, after I lost the baby, I called for Edward. Did you tell him? No. Even though you knew it was wrong and I was desperate, you never once told me what you did. You had to have known what I thought—what I felt! But you never ever mentioned it, even after the fact. There were so many opportunities that you could have made up for it, Jacob. Remember that loony bin you called Rehab? You could have called Edward then. But even after you believed that I might have attempted to take my own life, you never once called him or told me the truth. Time and _time_ again, Jacob, you showed me that you always chose to do what was in _your_ best interest; you did whatever it took to keep me under _your_ control!"

Jacob kept shaking his head.

"Bella, that's just not true! I told you, Aro was going insane! We knew we were missing something, but we weren't sure what. You have to believe me that I only did what I did because I wanted to protect you! I love you, damn it. I would die for you!"

"That's not fair, Jacob. You need to stop. You just can't say things like that to me. Not here, not now, not ever. You keep saying and doing things and keep me in the dark about everything. But you never came clean when you had the opportunity. God knows how far you would have taken it if I hadn't put my foot down in the first place. So don't you dare tell me you need me to trust you or that whatever you did was because you loved me. That isn't what love is. That is being controlling, manipulative and deceitful! If this is what your love, adoration or friendship is, then you know what? You can just…" I suddenly stopped when I realized the words that teetered on the edge of my lips. My fingers covered my mouth, and I tore my gaze away from him.

_Please walk away, Jacob. Walk away._

He reached down and lifted my chin to meet his gaze again. He took a slow step forward and as he spoke, I could feel the breath of his words against my face.

"Finish your sentence, Bella. Please," he whispered. I slowly shook my head as I locked eyes with him.

The beautiful almondshaped dark eyes, that held so much life, were dimmed with distress. I could see it-the years we had spent together. The memories woven together with delicate stitches were slowly coming undone at a rapid pace. If I finished my thought, I knew I would lose Jacob Black forever. If I wielded my weapon, my tongue, and spoke those final words, I knew I would give Jacob everything he needed to walk away.

If I were anyone else, I would have done it. But I wasn't anyone else, I was me. Though I knew I would probably regret not sending Jacob out of my life forever, it was everything he did prior to these four years that made me hold my tongue and lie.

"What I was trying to say was-what could have been so important that you felt it necessary to keep me in the dark and slowly take control over my entire life?"

_You are a lying coward, Isabella, may God have mercy on your soul._

He stood toe-to-toetoe with me and leaned down so we were eye to eye. He took deep, hesitant breaths, and we stood still as we stared at each other. His lips parted and he was about to speak when the hospital room door opened and Edward walked in as he was texting.

"All ready, lo-" He stopped short when he saw us standing so close to each other that we were almost touching. Edward looked between the both of us and tried to figure out what was going on. But I knew from the look on his face that Edward had decided to make assumptions first and listen to reason later.

"Did I interrupt something?" When I heard Edward's icy tone, I looked back at Jacob and saw him hunch his shoulders in defeat. He closed his eyes and backed away.

"Nah. We're done here." He grabbed my handbag from where he had dropped by the door and was halfway out when I called to him. I couldn't let him leave like that.

"Jacob?" He stopped but didn't turn around. "We'll finish this when we get home."

Jacob just nodded and shut behind him. As soon as he was gone, Edward turned to look at me.

"So what was that?" I shrugged my shoulders and walked over to him and stole a quick kiss.

I wanted to tell him the truth. I was done lying to Edward. But I knew if I told him that Jacob was back to keeping secrets, it would do more harm than good.

"It's just something that we needed to sort out." Edward frowned as he pressed his lips together. I quickly turned his chin to look at me. "Hey. What's the frown for?"

"I thought you were done '_sorting things out_' when it came to Jacob? How much more is there left to sort? You know what, just forget it. Let's go," he said in a dismissive tone. I felt him slip his hand into mine as he pulled me with him to the door.

"Edward." I pulled him to stop. "We _are_ done sorting things out. He just-I guess he just wanted a final say. I mean, think about it. With everything that has happened, he just wanted to make sure that we're okay."

"Bella, I'm sorry, but I am done being patient with this whole situation." Edward let out a frustrated sigh. "I made my desires pretty clear back in Chicago. I know I was an asshole to make the demands I did. I will never be able to forgive myself for letting you leave to take care of business when it came to Jacob. But for God's sake, when will this end? When will you stop letting this guy weasel his way back into your life? I mean, who gives a fuck if _he_ wants to make sure _your friendship is okay?"_

I watched as he stood with his hands on his hips—a move he so commonly pulled when he wanted me to back down and just do as he said. It was the standard _"Just do what I want, no questions asked,"_ look. Inside, I knew what he was saying. I could see it from his point of view. How else would he react? After all, he didn't know the whole truth. And for some reason as I watched Edward stand there, towering over me with his dominant attitude, it just made me snap.

"Did it ever occur to you that _I_ give a fuck, Edward? I know it might look like he doesn't deserve a second chance, but maybe I don't care. Even if you disagree with me, why can't you just let him talk to me?"

When I got little response from him, I waved my hands in defeat.

"You know what? Forget it. I just want go home." Without waiting for Edward, I swung the hospital room door open and walked down the hallway.

Jacob stood right outside my room door with his head tilted back against the wall. It was obvious from the expression on his face that he must have heard everything. When I walked past him, I felt the hurt and anger radiate off of him. I didn't bother to stop, and I continued to walk toward the elevator. While I waited for it to open, I felt both Edward and Jacob walk up and stop close behind me. The pressure that I felt with their proximity to me made me want to run back to my hospital room and curl up on the bed. But I tried to be strong and did my best not to let these two overpower my emotions.

When the elevator finally arrived, we entered slowly. Jacob stood ramrod straight with his back to me, and Edward slid in next to me. The light elevator music did nothing to ease our nerves, it was obvious from the tense expressions everyone wore. I jerked when Edward's touch took me by surprise. I looked down at our hands and realized he wanted to slip my sunglasses to me.

"You left these in the room. I heard you mention that it would help with the paparazzi and their flashing cameras." Edward slowly wrapped his arm around my waist. I let out a deep sigh and leaned into him. When I felt him kiss the top of my head softly, I looked up at him. His eyes held an apologetic look and he mouthed _"sorry_." This situation was already so fucked up and I was tired of fighting with everyone, especially Edward.

I mouthed "_I love you_," back to him and stood on my toes as I kissed him. The ringing of Jacob's cell broke the silence as well as our kiss. He fumbled for his phone and quickly answered it.

"Yeah, we are on our way. Where are you? Okay, well make sure the car is ready and I'll get her in. Be on the lookout, Sam. I mean it." He snapped the phone shut and didn't bother to turn around.

"When these door open, there should be a good amount of security, but there are some paparazzo's out there as well. If we encounter them, Edward, I want Bella behind me and you behind her. I will shield her, but you keep her covered and on pace with me."

Jacob shot us a hard look over his shoulder. "Just follow my lead, and don't worry, I'll make sure you both are fine."

As the elevator doors opened and I slipped on my sunglasses, we stepped into the lobby of the hospital. We kept in step with Jacob, and my pulse started to race as we approached the automatic doors at the back entrance of the hospital. I could see the police and thankfully only a few reporters. It was a good thing that the windows were tinted; it made it harder for the paparazzo's to see into the lobby area. I expected to turn toward the automatic doors, but Jacob and Edward ushered me farther down the lobby past the entrance.

"Aren't we going out to the car?" Jacob shook his head and kept looking ahead. He pushed open a back door that led to a stairwell and nodded for Edward and me to go through it. I was met by a petite brunette who stood with Sam and Jared. She gave a bright smile and giggled when she saw us both.

Edward started to take my coat off, as Jacob turned to talk to Sam and Jared. I looked at Edward who met my eyes with a soft gaze as he slipped off my sunglasses.

"This fine young lady has offered to help us out of our little paparazzi problem. Isabella, meet Lola Hardy. Lola, meet my lovely wife, Isabella Cullen." Edward turned on the playboy charm as he did the introductions. He was laying it on a bit thick, but I knew it was just part of the game he had to play. It was a way of ensuring that she would remain loyal or at least only say good things about us if she ever confessed to being my body double.

I hated it, but it came with the territory. It was the hardest thing I had to learn to deal with when our relationship first went public all those years ago.

Lola giggled and expressed her delight in helping us out. The poor girl was mesmerized by Edward; she couldn't tear her eyes away from him. Edward helped her into my Chanel coat and even offered to tie the belt around her waist. I caught Edward when he gave Lola a wink, as he slipped my shades over her eyes.

"Okay, Miss Lola, you know the drill, right? Walk out between Sam and Jared here, don't answer any questions and just keep your head down."

"Oh my goodness, of course! I know exactly what to do!" She shamelessly flirted before she turned to me and said, "Isabella, I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. But please know it is my pleasure to be able to help you out. Times have been tough being an out-of-work actress and all, but if I can pull this off, it will definitely give me some great street cred."

Jacob cut in before she could say anything else; Edward ushered her to the door, as Sam and Jared walked her out. Before the door was fully shut, Jacob told us to start down the stairs. Edward held my hand as we descended the short staircase. When he opened the door, I realized we were in the basement level that connected to parking garage of the hospital.

"Thankfully, they finished the construction on this garage two weeks ago. It hasn't been open to the public yet. So lucky us, we have unrestricted access," Edward commented as we walked quickly to the glass double doors near the end of the hallway.

The sleek black Lincoln town car was waiting with the driver standing at attention and looking around with the back passenger door open. There were two motorcycle cops waiting to escort us when we were ready. I quickly stepped inside the car as Edward followed me in, taking a seat right next to me. Jacob shut the door and slipped into the front passenger seat. The driver turned and nodded to us, before we were off.

As we exited onto the street level, our car rounded the corner, past the front entrance of the hospital. I watched as our little decoy waved at everyone who had now gathered to watch her walk to the limo parked in front of the hospital.

She stopped at the open car door and turned to blow a kiss to the paparazzi and people waiting.

"Oh fuck! She is really taking her little Bella role to heart, huh?" I heard Jacob mumble. I felt Edward lean over and put an arm around me. He urged me to lean back and rest on his shoulder. I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling very tired.

"Relax, love, I know it's been a tough day already." I heard Edward whisper as he stroked my hand.

I let out a sigh and prayed that the stressful times were finally over. I just wanted to go home and cuddle up with Edward. I wanted to shut out everything in the whole world and just focus on my marriage. Sadly, deep down inside I knew I had a long way to go before anything would be the way I wished it to be.


	21. Chapt 20 Pt 2 False Allies

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Twenty Part Two**

**False Allies **

The fine line of tension that followed me wherever I went only seemed to draw tighter when we arrived at my apartment building. Jacob had been extremely quiet, and Edward seemed to stare daggers at the back of his head. Any chance that these two would possibly behave in a civilized manner was definitely out of the question. The elevator ride up to the penthouse was just as unnerving as the car ride over from the hospital. When the elevator opened and Edward and Jacob stepped in, they stood on opposite sides of the elevator facing each other. I glanced from one to the other, before I stepped into the elevator between them and turned to face the outer doors.

It occurred to me, as I watched the floors go by, that _elevators_ always seemed to act as a cage for my entire problems with Edward and Jacob. It was like a box of kryptonite. It stripped us of all our defenses and made us face our worst fears.

_Next time I should take the stairs._

Edward and Jacob both stood with their backs firmly pressed against the elevator walls and just stared the other down. The contempt and seeming hatred they felt for each other was evident by the menacing looks they both wore.

When the elevator door chimed and opened, I ran past them both and straight into Esme's open arms.

"Bella, my darling, thank God you're all right." I relaxed and took in Esme's calming essence. The fragrant smell of vanilla brought back so many good memories that it almost overwhelmed me. "Sweetheart, let me look at you."

I blinked back tears as Esme pulled back and gave me a once over. I saw the worry in her eyes as she examined all the bruises on my face and neck.

"I still can't believe it, Bella. I just can't believe how all this happened. I wish you would have let me come and see you at the hospital."

Esme had flown out from Chicago the second she had heard about my attack. By the time she landed in New York, it was assumed I would be released fairly soon. So Edward had everyone wait. He didn't want to overwhelm me and, considering my state of mind at the time, it seemed like the best option.

"Esme, I swear I'm fine. It looks worse than it really is." She just shook her head at me and walked with me to the living room. When we walked in, I heard Emmett's laugh and saw him pat Charlie on the back. I glanced around and saw that the whole family was there. Jasper stood near the back window talking on his cell. He nodded at me and turned around as he continued to talk. Rose and Alice quickly pulled me into a group hug.

"How are you holding up, Bella?" Rose asked quietly.

"I'm hanging in there, not sure how to handle all of this really." I shrugged.

Alice slipped my hand over her arm and pulled me to walk with her. I could sense a little bit of hesitation on her part. I knew it was hard for her. Even though she stayed with me as much as possible when I was unconscious and whenever Edward was not there, we still hadn't really spoken to each other about the whole incident.

If it had been me, the conversation that had led up to my sudden need to run from our lunch table would've weighed heavily on my mind. I gave her hand an extra squeeze before I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

Before I could say anything, I was yanked from her into a bear hug by Emmett. I laughed as he swept me off my feet and held me close. I patted his back, and I felt his shoulders tremble slightly. When he pressed his face into my shoulder, I quickly realized that he needed soothing more than I did.

"I'm okay, Em. I swear I am."

He slowly lowered my feet to the floor and cupped my face in his hands. Emmett's eyes were soft and filled with emotion. He frowned a little when he focused on my eyes. I knew he was a little unnerved by the fact that my eyes were still bloodshot from being strangled. While my vision was relatively normal, the redness of my eyes had yet to disappear.

"The bloodshot eye look is all the rage, I hear," Emmett said softly. I bit my lower lip to keep a full smile from breaking out. "So you're okay, right, kiddo? I heard you gave as good as you got."

"You know me, Emmett. It's gonna take a lot more than a hired goon to hold me down." I laughed.

"That's my girl," he whispered.

I looked around the room and saw the grim look on everyone's face. Quickly, I realized that maybe it was too soon for humor about the situation. A glass of water suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and I realized Carlisle had walked over with it. I kissed him on the cheek and walked with him to the sofa where Alice and Rose had each taken a seat.

"I know it might be too soon to ask, but what do we know so far?" Charlie asked from across the room.

Jasper walked over and patted my shoulder silently, asking permission to talk about the subject. I glanced at Edward who was leaning against the doorway watching me. After a few thoughtful moments, he looked over at Jasper and nodded.

"So far, all we know is that he was a renegade hired gun who worked for the Russo crime family in Italy in the late 1990's. He fell off the map when he and a few others were detained for questioning and were put on an Italian police watch list for organized crime family goons. From what I understand, it would be very hard to be involved with the mob when it's well known that the police are keeping tabs on you."

"But what does a trained hired gun have to do with Bella?" Edward asked impatiently. He left his post at the doorway and stood directly behind my spot on the sofa.

"That I don't know. He was off the radar for quite some time, so the details are sketchy, but according to U.S. immigration records, he was granted a visitor's visa early last year. But after that there was no mention of his whereabouts or if he even left the country. My guess is basically he came to the U.S. and went underground right away."

"How could he even be granted a visitor's visa? I mean, if he was on a mob watch list, there is no way the he should have been approved to get any kind of visa for anything to the United States," Jacob chimed in.

"There are ways to get past any system. As long as the guy wasn't of Arab or Muslim origin and didn't have a name that was on a terror watch list, it could have been very easy to slip in. Then again, who's to say that it was done legally? If he really is on someone's payroll, then they would definitely have ties everywhere. Even in the American embassy in Italy."

"But that doesn't answer why he was after me." I asked slowly. "I mean, really what have I done? Why would someone be after me?"

"I think you mean '_was'_ after you. He's dead now, Bells." I shot a look over at Charlie. He stood leaning against the grand piano by the fireplace. He swirled his glass of what seemed to be iced tea when he looked up at me and said, "It's a good thing, too. Because if he had made it, I would have paid him a visit and made damn sure that he'd have wished that Paul had given him the easy way out."

A small shiver crawled up my spine. I didn't know how I felt about a man being killed because of me. Granted, he had tried to kill me, so his death was purely a matter of self defense. Nevertheless, it was a little hard and, frankly a little weird, to have to deal with. Jasper walked over and sat down next to me. He reached out and grabbed one of my hands.

"Bella, I'm really sorry I don't have more to go on. I've tried making more calls, but I hit a brick wall every single time. There are few more angles I can try, some friends I have in homeland security. Regardless, I don't want you to worry. Felix has called in his team in Italy, and we are working on this collectively. With so many people working on this, we are bound to find something somewhere."

"Felix is still here in New York though, right?" Emmett asked as he came and sat down across from us, loosening his tie. "Isn't he downtown at the police station handling Paul's questioning?"

"Yeah, Felix is taking care of Paul's representation. Since he was the only known lawyer and most recent one that Bella has worked with, that is who Paul asked for when the police took him in after the attack."

"But, wait a minute…" I looked between Edward and Jasper, "…I was attacked over two days ago. Why is Paul still being questioned? Didn't it get handled the first day?"

"Well, he might've been done by now if Paul hadn't demanded that his lawyer be present while he was being questioned. All in all, that was really smart move. Not only because Felix can run damage control from the station, but also because there would be no way that anyone would then be able to paint Paul into a corner during questioning," Jasper said as he started reading a text he had received. "You'd be surprised at how quickly even the simplest cases can fall apart because of something minor mentioned during questioning."

"If you ask me, Felix should start with looking into Aro and his loose ends, "Charlie said as he finished his drink. Edward let out a sigh as he rested his elbows on the back of the sofa. Charlie looked over at him and then to me. "What? Did I say something politically incorrect? The man should be watched, that's all I am saying."

_Here we go. It was only a matter of time before he brought up Uncle Aro._

"Dad, please." I rubbed my temples. "Uncle Aro is not wrapped up in this. So please, let's not do this."

I watched as he shook his head and stood up a little straighter. He turned and poured himself another glass of iced tea.

"Bella, I know that it is highly unlikely that Aro has anything to do with this, but I still feel we might need to look over all the options since Charlie feels this way," Carlisle suggested softly.

"Of course it's fine, Carlisle. It's just that I feel that Uncle Aro seems to get blamed for a lot of things and I just don't like to accuse anyone without cause. Especially when the person being accused is someone who has been so protective and loving most of my life."

I heard small gasp and turned to see Jacob quickly helping Leah steady the tray that she was holding. I smiled quickly when my eyes met Leah's. Her cheeks were a little rosy in embarrassment from almost losing her grip on the tray she was carrying. Leah looked up at Jacob and they both walked back out of the room.

"Why is it so impossible that Aro might have had something to do with this, Bella? The man's family has had twisted dealings with the Italian mob for ages. I don't buy this straight-laced routine he has going on," Charlie snapped.

I could sense everyone shift uneasily around the room. Esme walked over to Carlisle and whispered to him frantically, while Edward just stared straight at me. There was a look of steel in his eyes that screamed, "Let it go."

I averted my eyes but refused to back down. I knew I could ignore it, but part of me was fed up with tip-toeing around Charlie and his temper.

When Charlie started up with his usual speech about how "Aro Volturi is a man not to be trusted," and "How looks can be deceiving," I decided it was best for me to walk away. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Jacob had come back and stood in the doorway. I nodded toward him and when he gestured for me to come with him, I found my much wanted way out.

"If you will excuse me, I am needed in the other room. Edward, are you coming?" Edward nodded and stood to walk with me when my dad decided to pull out the big guns.

"Don't be so stubborn that I might end up losing you as well, Bella. When we lost your mother, I kept quiet because you loved Aro so damn much. But I will be damned if I keep quiet now." He fumed. "I don't plan on burying another loved one 'cause of his past business mistakes."

I stopped dead in my tracks and spun around to face him. I couldn't believe what he was saying. I wanted to lash out at him and at the audacity he had to bring up my mother as well as my injury.

"How about we all head into the kitchen? I'm sure Leah has lunch ready," Esme stated as she ushered everyone from the room. Jasper put a calming hand on my shoulder as he walked by. I maintained a hold on myself control until the only people left in the room were me, Charlie, Edward and Jacob. I faced Charlie with my fisted hands at my sides, while Jacob and Edward flanked either side of me.

"Got something you want to say, Bells?" Charlie asked with a clipped tone.

"Dad, stop this. I mean it. Please, just stop stirring the pot," I said quietly.

He stood a little straighter and crossed his arms across his chest.

"I can't, in good faith, do that and you know it, Bella. I have to do what I think is right." He snapped at me.

_This is so ridiculous! And you know it! Why must you always bring Uncle Aro into everything, Dad? Why?_

I walked closer to him.

"Uncle Aro has nothing to do with this. If anything, he has been especially attentive making sure that our needs—my needs— are met. He has tried to be a good uncle and be involved in our family. But you just hate him, Dad. You just hate him so much and blame him for stuff that wasn't his fault. Please, Dad, just lay off Uncle Aro." I tried to keep my voice steady, but it was hard. Charlie knew that I had a soft spot for Uncle Aro. The worst part was he knew exactly how to exploit it.

Granted there was a lot that Uncle Aro did have to answer for in regard to keeping Edward and me separated. Nevertheless, doing what he felt was right for me and trying to kill me were two entirely different things. I just couldn't see him as someone who was involved in something that could possibly threaten my life.

I saw the inner battle being waged inside Charlie; is eyes were wide and screamed his innermost thoughts. "_You don't know that this isn't 'cause of him, Bella! You have the man on a pedestal, damn it! You just can't see past his corrupted game!"_

Instead, he cleared his voice and softly stated, "You are just like your mother, so loving and forgiving. Aro is someone who didn't deserve any of the love and attention your mother gave him. I'm sorry to hurt you, but it's true. He didn't deserve it then with her, and he doesn't deserve it now with you."

I could see his hands shake, but his voice was fully in control. I shook my head and anger raced through my veins. The delicate thread of patience that I held onto suddenly snapped and I unleashed myself.

"Why are you so jealous, Dad? Was it 'cause Aro was better at being a dad then you?" I raged at him.

"Bella, come on, stop. You don't mean that." I turned to see Jacob as he stood straight as a board. "Just stop, both of you, please. This is not helping."

"I am just speaking the truth here; she's the one who needs a wakeup call. For the love of God, what will it take for you to open your eyes? What are you waiting for? Someone to finally succeed in killing you? Damn it, Bella, you are just like your mother," Charlie painfully mumbled at the end.

"Damn right, I'm like Mom! I look for the good and not the bad in people! I don't go around finding reasons to hate people. I don't make assumptions about people without really giving them a chance! I don't stick my head in the fucking sand and walk away from my family when they need me the most!" I screamed.

I felt Edward's hand on my arm and heard Jacob's voice as he tried to tell me to calm down. I kept my icy stare on Charlie, who wore a masked expression and just stared at me.

"You better be careful, Bella," Charlie whispered in a muted tone. I shook my head at him.

I could see Charlie's eyes fill with pain and I regretted the words that I had spoken out loud. But the innermost desperate part of me cheered me on. I had been so confused with the sudden need to lash out, so much so that I was almost dumbfounded at how quickly and easily I had chastised my own father. The words, it seemed, were lined up and ready to attack.

"Why are you here, Dad? I just don't understand. Why? After all this time…"

"What the hell do you mean, why am I here? I'm here for you, damn it! I am here to make sure you are all right!"

I bit my lower lip and tried to keep in the angry words that threatened to spill out.

_No, Dad. You were never one to be there for me, especially when I really needed you. You were always there to make sure I knew what a disappointment I was; you were always one to make sure I didn't forgot how much of burden I was! So I ask you AGAIN. Why are you here, Dad?_

I wanted so desperately to scream those words out, but I couldn't. I just didn't have the strength to confront my father after all this time.

"I don't believe you, Dad." I managed to choke out, as angry tears filled my eyes. My emotion-filled voice flipped a switch that made Edward and Jacob react at the same time. Edward pulled me back to him and held me close as I tried to hold the tears at bay. Jacob tried to defuse the situation and wanted the conversation to stop right there.

"Come on, Charlie, she has been through so much. Please, let's just let this go, okay?" Jacob asked. I heard Charlie let out a frustrated sigh.

"I don't understand where all these angry emotions are coming from, Jacob. I know I am not the world's perfect dad, but still I just don't feel I deserve to be unloaded on like this."

I turned to him in disbelief. My inner monologue begged me to voice my thoughts.

_You don't deserve it? Well neither do I, damn it! I didn't deserve to wake up all alone in Italy at the age of fourteen! Where were you, Dad, huh? Where were you? I was scared and you never came for me! I didn't deserve to have to hold my tears back and act calm, cool and collected! I didn't deserve for my own father to turn his back on me and act like the only thing that was important was Mom dying! I deserved a dad! I was hurt, I almost died! I was burned everywhere-my back, my stomach, my arms, my legs! But instead of worrying about the fucking pain of recovery, I was more in pain from the fucking guilt of knowing that if you had a fucking choice you would have rather I died instead of Mom! So when you talk about what you don't deserve, think about that!_

I shook my head and stared at the man I called my father, looking him dead in the eye. My tears flowed, and sobs erupted from my body, but I had to continue. I didn't know how we had gotten here, but suddenly purging my soul about all my hurt feelings seemed to be necessary. So I tried to speak my mind.

"You left me; you were hardly there—ever. I needed you, Dad, I needed you so badly. You just have no idea how alone I felt. Even when I came back to Forks, you just weren't there."

"You're my baby girl, Bella. I love you more than anything in the world. I'm not saying that I'm without some fault here. I know I've had my demons to deal with. But mainly I couldn't stand for you to sit by and just fed a bunch of bullshit by everyone around you. You came home all wrapped up in Aro's stories. All I ever wanted was for you to see through that man's lies. You have to know that I wanted to come see you when you were hurt. How could you think I didn't? Aro never gave me much to go on. He didn't tell me which town you were in, which hospital. I didn't even have a number! If there is anyone you need to blame, it's him."

"Charlie, please!" We all froze as Edward's voice boomed over ours. "I know you have a lot to say, but I will not have you upset my wife this way. She has been through enough."

"Don't come between me and my daughter!" Charlie snapped. "I have a right to clear up any misconceptions my daughter may have. You have no right to stand in my way, Edward."

"Charlie, Edward's right. You need to stop this now. This is neither the time nor the place. If you came here to make her feel better, you are doing the exact opposite. I know you need to speak to her, but for right now, please stop." Jacob tried to reason with him, but Charlie just stood straight and shook his head.

"Jacob, I'm done with this. I've walked around with a heavy heart for way too long, son." Charlie looked at me with pain-filled eyes, before he turned around and sat down on the nearest chair.

"Edward, take Bella out of here. I'll handle him." Jacob spoke softly as he came up behind us. Edward nodded and slipped his arm around my waist as he led me out of the room. As we left, I could start to hear heated words between Charlie and Jacob.

I wiped my eyes as I entered my room and lay on the bed, crying silently. I felt the side of the bed dip, before Edward pulled me to him and held me in his arms. A few minutes later, Esme knocked on the door and came in with a tray of food. She set it on the side table as Edward moved over so she could sit behind me and hold me. Esme kept stroking my hair and shushed me as I cried.

"Bella, sweetheart, you need to regain your strength. Crying will only make things harder, my darling." I shook my head. "Look, Leah put together a lunch of soup and sandwiches for you."

"I can't help it, Esme, I didn't want to fight with Charlie. I didn't mean to lash out. I just hate it when he talks the way he does. He hates everyone so much, walks around like he has a chip on his shoulder. I just can't stand how he acts like he knows everything about everyone." My lips quivered as I spoke.

"I know, Bella. Just be careful with him. Charlie doesn't mean how he comes off. He is wounded too, sweetheart, you have to remember that. You and I have spoken about this before. It is hard for him to see all of us around you. He just has a hard time sometimes because he doesn't even know what his place is in your life. I know that that's not your fault, but you must remember it nevertheless. You have every right to feel the way you do. Just be careful is all I am saying. He is alone at home, Bella. And losing your mother the way he did…well, the unanswered questions have to have taken a toll on him."

I moved to sit up and cross my legs. Edward reached over and placed a napkin in my lap. He held the bowl of soup and proceeded to give me small sips. He remained silent but attentive. I looked over at Esme who sat back, picking at a loose thread on the pillow case.

"My issues with Charlie are not my fault, Esme. He just shut down. He was never there. Even when he all but disowned me for marrying Edward, I still did everything I could to make sure he was taken care of. I took care of his mortgage, took care of his health insurance, and I still tried to keep in touch with him. It was almost always one-sided. But he is the one who has made everything so difficult."

"Darling, I can't speak for him. I know he is stubborn and extremely bullheaded. I have a feeling only your mother was able to tame the anger that has now totally consumed him. I feel with everything that has happened, Charlie just seems very afraid, Bella."

I almost laughed out loud. It was so far from the truth. Charlie could never be afraid of anything.

"What do you mean, afraid? My dad is not afraid of anyone, Esme, especially me." Esme reached out to take my hand.

"Sweetheart, I know a lot about men and the way they behave. I have three extremely opinionated men that I have the pleasure of knowing. One I am married to and the other two I bore. While they do tend to do things that are extremely surprising, the one thing I know is that when they are stubborn or bullheaded, and do whatever they can to do get a rise out of someone, it is usually because they are afraid of something." Before I could disagree again, Edward chimed in.

"Bella, love, I have a feeling my mom is right. Not about everything to do with stubborn Cullen men." Edward winked at his mom. "But I need you to know that when I called Charlie about coming out, he was so nervous. He did his best to mask his voice, but he was genuinely worried. I don't think it was only about the situation, but also about seeing you after all this time. Maybe having gone through so many things alone and being apart for so long-well maybe it's just made trying to find common ground really complicated."

I sat for a moment and just thought about what they were saying. I knew my dad had never been an amazing communicator; it was always my mom who had seemed to do the heavy talking between us. I let out a huge sigh and lay back against the plush pillow. Esme continued to talk to me about the best way to work it out with Charlie. Soon Carlisle came in and sat with us for a while as well. After a little bit he ushered Esme out of the room and said it was time for me to rest. Edward kissed me before he decided to walk his parents out.

Finding a comfortable spot on the bed, I dozed off before he came back. When I woke up, the room was dimly lit. As I turned over, I saw Edward working on his laptop as he spoke softly on the phone. When he caught my movements, he started to get up but I shook my head and kissed his lips lightly.

"Stay and work, I'll be back soon," I whispered and he smiled, pulling me down for another kiss. Shutting the door quietly, I walked down the long hallway of my penthouse and listened lightly to the voices that were filtering out of the kitchen.

Before I rounded the corner to enter the kitchen, I heard Leah's shaky voice and stopped short to listen.

"Mr. Charles, sir, please understand. I've done everything you, Jacob and Mr. Aro have asked. I just don't believe I can do this anymore. Everything has gotten out of control. I just can't lie to Mrs. Isabella, anymore."

I heard a glass slam on the granite countertop.

"First of all, call me, Charlie. I hate that Mr. Charles crap. And secondly, I agree with you. I have been all for telling Bella the truth for years. It was her mother that was so stubborn about keeping her in the dark. I just wish I had manned up and told her everything before Aro, that blood sucking bastard, got to her."

I ran my hands over my face in frustration. This was all so fucking insane. It was obvious that everyone was hiding something from me. Part of me wanted to run down the hallway and get Edward. The other part of me wanted to stomp in there and just confront them all. It was a delicate situation, so I tried to relax myself as much as I could and decided to walk in there calmly.

I stepped into the kitchen just as Leah poured my dad another glass of milk before she pushed a plate of cookies toward him. Charlie and Jacob sat at the breakfast bar, both looking deep in thought.

I cleared my throat and watched everyone quickly look up at me. Jacob slipped off of his stool and came over to me

"Hey, Bells, did you get some rest?" I stared up into his eyes and tried to get a read on what he was thinking. I wasn't sure if he was happy to see me or if he was trying to figure out how much of their conversation I had heard. I swallowed hard and peered over his shoulder at Charlie who sat back and watched me with an equally intense stare. Leah looked up at me and smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

Out of everyone, her behavior was the most surprising.

Regardless of the time I spent in the hospital, after anything overly emotional, Leah was usually the first person to welcome me home. While I chalked her absence up to the fact that everyone else was around, still it was odd that she didn't seek me out the first time an opportunity presented itself.

I looked back over at Jacob and realized he was still waiting for my answer.

"I rested just fine, thank you." Jacob reached out and took my hand in his.

"Come on and grab a seat. Leah just made a fresh batch of cookies and they are awesome." He smiled as I walked with him and offered me his stool next to Charlie. I took a cookie from the plate and took a small bite. I sat and waited for someone to talk and break the silence. After a few minutes of quiet, I decided to take the bull by the horns and just get on with it.

"It's awfully quiet in here. Doesn't anyone have something they wanna talk about?" I glanced up in time to see Jacob giving Leah a strong look. "What is that look for Jacob? Leah, do you have something you want to say?"

Everyone seemed to freeze in their spots and rolled my eyes. "I know I walked in on something. It's best if you all just go ahead and tell me what's going on."

Charlie and Jacob froze in their spots, as Leah stopped wiping the countertops, but never looked up. "What are you guys keeping from me?"

"Bells…" Jacob rubbed his hands over his face. "Listen, it isn't…"

"Stop right there. Think very, very carefully. I mean it. There are no second chances here. I know what I heard. What are you all keeping from me? What are you having Leah lie to me about?" I turned and looked Jacob in the eyes.

"Bella, are you sure you want to hear this?" Charlie spoke quietly. I turned to face him as he looked at me with a very unnerving gaze. "I mean it, baby girl, once we start this conversation, we can't ever act like we didn't have it."

His ominous warning had me a little on edge, but I knew it was time to stop sticking my head in the sand. My life depended on it. I was sure of it.

"Please, Dad, I am just sick of being kept in the dark," I whispered. He nodded and reached out to hold my hand. Suddenly he looked nervous, but quickly shook his head and regained his composure.

My pulse raced and my heart started to beat against my ribcage. I kept my eyes locked with Charlie's as his thumb rubbed soothing circles on my hand.

He looked over at Jacob and Leah, who watched him with a cautious stare. Before he started to speak, I heard him whisper, "R,enee, fo, f rgive me."

Charlie looked back at me and quickly said, "Bella, Aro Volturi isn't your mother's uncle…"

I know, I know. You all hate me for the cliffy. ;) I'll update as soon as I can!


	22. Chapt 21 Pt 1 Tale of the Broken Hearted

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Twenty One Part One **

**Tale of the Broken Hearted**

When Renee would talk about her childhood, my mother's voice often carried the affection she held for her family. Her eyes would light up whenever she reminisced about all the childhood mishaps she managed to get herself into. Renee loved her parents, but as I looked back on the stories she used to tell, I realized that the most important memories always centered on her time with Uncle Aro. I was too young to realize it at the time, but alongside the happiness in her voice, there was always a small tone of sadness there.

After Charlie confessed one of the secrets that had been kept from me, I finally realized what a twisted life my mother's family had led.

My uncle Aro was the youngest of three brothers, Marcello, Franco and himself. While they were raised by a very strict father, they were balanced by a very gentle mother. It was from her that they had learned to take care of one another and always remained close and loyal to each other.

When Uncle Aro was sixteen years old, his eldest brother, Marcello, was sent by their father to broker a peaceful end to a union strike with dock workers. The meeting was cut shortwhen someone went too far during a heated exchange and ended up shooting Marcello in the chest with a shotgun. My uncle Marcello's death was a huge loss to the family, not only because he was my great-grandparent's firstborn but because he had been groomed to be the heir to the Volturi family business.

The loss came as shock to my great-grandfather who, when he heard the news, suffered a fatal heart attack. With two very capable Volturi men dead, many people who had ulterior motives pressured my great-grandmother to give control of the company to one of rival families. Their reasons were that they had more capable sons who were ready to take over the Volturi family legacy and business. To calm the growing frenzy, my grandpapa, Franco, was urged by his mother to be a dutiful son and take over where Marcello had left off.

Grandpapa Franco was a young and a compassionate man. He had no interest in taking the reins of the family business, but he realized that if he didn't, his younger brother, Aro, would be forced to take control. Uncle Aro was very young and had showed no interest or talent in anything to do with the family business.

After Uncle Aro left to attend boarding school in America, my grandfather threw himself into the family business. When Grandpapa Franco attended the Siena Palio festival, where he showed his support for the locals from his _contrada_ (_district_) who had entered horses for the tournament, he was introduced to Antonella Isabella Esposito.

My mother would always say that when Grandmamma Antonella would speak of that day, she never failed to mention that the moment she met my grandfather, she knew her life would change forever.

In my simple child's mind, I assumed she meant that it was because my grandfather was her dashing knight in shining armor. But after Charlie's confession, I realized what Grandmamma Antonella must have really meant. For her, that wasthe day her destiny was set into motion which would eventually lead her to meet my real grandfather—Aro.

My grandparents, Franco and Antonella, had a very short engagement and were married within less than six months of knowing each other. While my mother always spoke of the love and admiration that her parents had, Charlie explained that their marriage had much more to do with the social standings of both families rather than the fiery love that men and women look for in a spouse.

After two years of marriage and no children, Grandpapa Franco decided to take Grandmamma Antonella on a month long vacation to America. He felt a change of scenery and low stress might help them get pregnant. When they arrived in New York, they were greeted by Uncle Aro, who had yet to meet his new sister-in-law. My mother always said that my grandmother and Uncle Aro were close. But the truth of the matter was that they were soul mates. There was an attraction from the start, however, both of them knew the consequences of their actions and vowed to stay clear of their own heart's temptation. They did the dance of avoidance but maintained a friendly relationship for appearances sake. When Grandpapa Franco got called back to Rome unexpectedly on business, he begged his wife to stay with his brother, Aro, and urged them to finish the vacation together.

When my grandmother couldn't find the proper excuses to explain why she couldn't stay, she agreed to stay with Uncle Aro and continue the trip as planned. They successfully fought their temptation for a few weeks, but like a moth to a flame they both gave in to their need to be in each other's arms. The affair was brief—only lasting the amount of time that Grandmamma Antonella was in the States. When Uncle Aro saw her off at the airport, he promised her that one day he would find a way for them to be together.

But on the trip home, my grandmother realized that no matter what the explanation, the outcome would always be the same. If Uncle Aro and Grandmamma Antonella were to ever tell or be found out, their lives would be ruined and their own families would be torn apart by the scandal. So while she was wracked with guilt and grief, she vowed to be a good wife to Grandpapa Franco and sent Uncle Aro a telegram telling him that they were over. She held true to her promise and wore the mask of the model wife. She played the part perfectly and almost had herself convinced that she could live a life happily as my grandfather's wife. Everything was going smoothly until Uncle Aro decided to come home for a visit.

At the welcome home dinner, the primal attraction she felt for Uncle Aro was unnerving. He watched her every step, and she couldn't help but be drawn to the hungry look in his eyes. During the last week of his stay, Uncle Aro followed her out when she went riding and was finally able to break down her walls. He claimed her again and again in the rustic surroundings of the countryside of their estate. Uncle Aro begged her to be with him, but she refused for the sake of keeping the peace within the family. So he settled for what he could take and made her promise to be his for the remainder of his stay. My Grandmamma Antonella, agreed but on the condition that after he left for America again, they would never resume their affair-ever. Uncle Aro reluctantly consented but took full advantage of their time together. After agreeing to the terms, they both took every moment they could steal away, until he left for school in America again.

When my grandmother found out that she was pregnant a few months later, she was horrified that she didn't know the paternity of her child, but was sure that the child had to be Uncle Aro's. Regardless, she decided not to cause any more complications, and resolved that she would never tell Uncle Aro about her suspicions.

When Janella Renee Swan was born, it only deepened the love and devotion that Grandpapa Franco felt for his wife. While he doted on her and his new daughter, it didn't escape his notice that his beautiful wife had started to pull away. Grandfather chalked it up to a "depression," that most women went through after giving birth, but really, that wasn't the case.

According to my father, as Grandmamma Antonella watched her daughter grow, she realized that Janella Renee looked more and more like Aro. It was a small resemblance, one that could easily be missed. But it kept alive the fear in my grandmamma Antonella, that one day someone might question my mother's paternity. Uncle Aro, at one time, did have his suspicions. He even approached my grandmother and asked her about it directly. Charlie said that Grandmamma Antonella had wanted to tell him the truth, but had lied instead. Her fears that Uncle Aro might want to claim his rights as a father, was a chance she knew she couldn't take.

As the years went on, Uncle Aro permanently returned to Italy and took a more stable place in the family business. He went against his better judgment and hoped that my grandmother was not serious about staying away from him. But when he approached my grandmother, she was steadfast in her decision and made it clear to him that they could not pick up where they had left off, especially because she had a daughter to think of. Uncle Aro agreed but still vowed to find a way for them to be together. The heartbreak at her decision caused him to throw himself into his work and for all his efforts, he eventually ended up being my grandfather's right hand man. However, the time Aro spent at home afforded him the opportunity to be close to my grandmother in whatever way he could and also forged a very close relationship with his only _niece_—my mother.

For every birthday party, piano recital, and ballet performance that my mother had, my grandparents and Uncle Aro were always present and accounted for. Every milestone of my mother's life was recorded and championed by all three of them together. If Grandpapa Franco could not make a certain occasion that was cause for celebration then he would make sure Uncle Aro accompanied Grandmamma Antonella.

Everything seemed peaceful for a while, and my grandmother was sure that the secret she kept would never have to be revealed. All that changed when my mother had an accident.

At the age of fourteen, my mother was injured during her horseback riding lesson. The fall caused my mother a lot of blood loss, and it was suggested that blood be gathered from the parents in case there was a need for it.

Nobody knew my mother's blood type until she was admitted. When Grandpapa Franco wasn't a match, everyone assumed that my grandmamma shared the blood type. Uncle Aro, however, became very suspicious when he saw his sister-in-law, his past lover, his soul mate, sitting with a worried expression on her face. When she slipped out for a moment to get some fresh air, Uncle Aro followed her out and asked her point blank what she was so overly emotional about. Grandmamma Antonella kept her back to him but slowly told him of her suspicions regarding to my mother's paternity.

My father was vague about how my mother knew what both Grandmamma Antonella and Uncle Aro felt, but when Charlie told me of the rage and anger that Uncle Aro unleashed after her confession, I completely understood what my father was trying to say.

Uncle Aro was swift and deceptive in his actions. He donated his blood but when it was confirmed to be a match, he doctored my grandmother's own blood records to show that his blood type was hers. That simple stroke of a pen saved the affair from coming to light and in the end, it protected their love child.

After finding out that my mother was his daughter, Uncle Aro was determined to protect everyone and everything that made my mother happy. How he looked in her eyes was so important to him that he worked harder and took more responsibility within the family. Uncle Aro not only worked hard at giving my mother everything her heart desired, he also invested a lot more time in the family business. He wanted it secure and prosperous, so that one day she might want to take over. Uncle Aro came up with modern ideas to bring the business aspect of the Volturi family forward and put an end to rivalries that still existed. This not only made my grandmother very proud of Uncle Aro, but gave Grandpapa Franco more time with his wife and daughter. It pained him to stand by and silently watch his brother make a life with the woman and little girl he loved so deeply, but he did it because it was the right thing to do. My uncle understood the gravity of secret he and my grandmamma were hiding, so he remained loyal and silent—he had to.

To the outside world, it seemed that the only thing that was lacking in Uncle Aro's life was that he didn't have a stable woman to share it with.

My grandmamma always hated that Uncle Aro refused to marry the many women he dated. When she slowly broached the subject with him, Uncle Aro confessed he still held a torch for herand still hoped that they would be able to one day be together. While in her heart it was obvious that she loved Uncle Aro with the same passion that he held for her., Grandmamma Antonella made it clear that a future where they would be together could never exist.

When my mother turned seventeen and left for America to go to school, my uncle Aro accompanied my mother and grandmother during their trip. My mother often spoke of how the trip was tense and filled with short tempers, but she always explained it as the family having trouble letting her go off on her own to school.

It was during that trip that my grandmother was viciously blunt about her position; whatever was said crushed Uncle Aro.

When he returned to Italy, he reluctantly tried to move on from my grandmother. Working for the family business made it literally impossible for him to let go. Especially since what he hoped he could have had with her was being played out in front of him every day when he saw Grandpapa Franco and Grandmamma Antonella together.

To escape the visual reminders, Uncle Aro decided to take his dating seriously and eventually started to indulge in a very different crowd. The rebellious attitude he suddenly adopted eventually led to resentment toward Grandpapa Franco and manifested itself in poor business decisions. When news that my mother had met and wanted to marry Charlie reached home, it set off a war between the brothers. Grandpapa Franco decided to cut my mother off in efforts to teach her a lesson and forbade anyone from giving her money. Grandmamma Antonella was beside herself with grief for her only daughter and that caused Uncle Aro to once again come to her rescue.

There were many heated arguments between the brothers. While some were based on business, many conflicts were about my mother. It was during one of these heated arguments that Uncle Aro had decided to voice his disdain at the way Grandpapa Franco had behaved. When Uncle Aro was told it was none of his business, he almost confessed the dark secret that he held in his heart. The only thing that made him bite his tongue was the sight of my grandmother crying as she watched them argue.

While Uncle Aro remained silent, the damage had already been done. The words spoken between the brothers had torn them both apart and sadly it wouldn't be long after that night that my grandpapa Franco would be dead.

"Dad, this cannot be happening." To say I was shocked was an understatement. Charlie reached over and hugged me close. I clung to his shirt and whispered, "I can't believe all of this."

"I know baby, I'm so sorry. I should have told you sooner. I wanted your mother to tell you before you left for Italy with her, but she felt that having you meet everyone without prejudice was better. And after your mother died, Aro insisted that we wait." Charlie's voice cracked with emotion. "When I finally came to my senses, the damage between _us_ had already happened."

I pulled back. "I know, Dad; it's okay."

"No, baby girl, it's not okay." Charlie shook his head. "I'm your father, and I failed you in so many ways. You were young and you needed me. But instead I let my grief take over and I allowed my demons get the best of me. You needed someone to be strong and to fight for you. You needed me to be both mother and father, but when I lost your mother, I lost my soul, Bella."

I looked up at my father's face and saw the hurt and pain in his eyes. The shine that his eyes once held was all but gone. I bit my lower lip and tried to hold back my own emotions when I heard his words. My entire childhood since my mother's death I had wanted just one thing. That was for my father to always be there for me.

"I didn't want to be so neglectful, Bella, I swear I didn't. When I got the call that your mother died, something inside me broke. I want you to know that I would have been there if I had been myself, I swear, but I just wasn't. I wish I had been strong enough to hold it together. Instead I let it consume me. There was this void, Bella, in the very depth of me. It just took over little by little. It held me back from my responsibilities; it held me back from my promise to your mother; it held me back from you."

I watched as my father took a deep breath and pressed his lips together. The undercurrent of his words carried with them a tone that wasn't only of regret and guilt. I couldn't pinpoint it, but I just knew that the secrecy about my mother's family and the weight of what the loss of my mother did to my father weren't the only reasons Charlie had pulled away from me.

"Dad, what are you trying to tell me?" I asked with an unsteady voice.

"I didn't know how handle it, Bella. You were kept from me, and it drove me insane. Somehow along the way, I don't know when, my need to escape the unhappiness just took over." He rubbed his face with his hands, before he reconnected his gaze with mine. "What I am trying to say is that I'm an alcoholic."

His confession echoed inside my head. Panic filtered through me and I started to gasp for air. I shook my head, trying to shake his words away. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, and as I pulled away from him, he reached out his open palms to me. My chin quivered and I pressed my lips together to hold in the sobs that wanted to be heard. My back collided with the wall behind me and my body continued to shake. Charlie took a step forward, grabbed me by my arms, and pulled me to him.

"It's okay, sweetheart. I swear I'm all right now," he painfully whispered.

I tried to speak but I was at a loss for words. So I pushed back against him as I slowly let my body slide down the wall and wrapped my arms around my knees. I felt utterly numb and cold. I looked up at Charlie who squatted down next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"Daddy, how…" My confused words faded as I just stared up into his eyes.

"I know don't know how it started. One day I had a drink during a moment of anger toward Aro and it felt damn good. Then the next time I felt insane, I had another drink and I felt even better. It went from having a drink with the guys down at the rez and spilling my guts, to having two before dinner with the guys at the diner. After that, it just all got out of control." I felt him hug me closer.

"When you were well enough to fly and came home from Italy, we were finally able to plan a proper funeral. But when Aro presented me with Renee's ashes, I lost it. He stole away my rights as a father when he didn't let me come to see you, but then he stole my rights as a husband when he made decisions about how your mother should be laid to rest." He stopped and took a deep breath. "I remember watching you as we fought. I thought you would understand; I was sure you would take my side. But I could see how conflicted you were. It's childish, I know, but it stung me. 'Cause I felt that just like your mother, Aro was gonna steal you away from me too."

I turned and watched as Charlie took a moment to wipe away some stolen tears. When he locked eyes with me, I couldn't hold my emotions back anymore. Of all the things that were racing through me it was the rage and sadness that consumed me the most. I let my angry tears fall, and I felt him pull me closer to him.

As I leaned into his hold, I tried to let my anger filter out, I tried to find some solace in the fact that my father didn't intentionally want to turn his back on me when I needed him the most.

_It doesn't matter! I had a right to know! _

"Why didn't you tell me, Dad? All that time, I felt like you hated me," I demanded. "I had a right to know, Dad!"

"God, Bella, I just didn't know how to tell you. You were so young and had just lost your mother. I mean, think about it. You were in pain all the time. What the hell kind of father would it make me if I just dumped this on you?"

In between my streaming tears, I let out a broken laugh. "So you decided that pretending to turn your back on me was better? That is just insane, Dad."

"Bella honey, I don't know what I was thinking; it all just wasn't right."

"I mean, did you seriously think that it was better to abandon me emotionally? Did you?" Charlie shook his head in silence. "I needed you, Dad. You have no idea what I felt. No idea how horrible it was to be so alone after Mom died. I knew I had Jacob, but, Dad, all I wanted and needed was you."

"Bella, I'm so sorry." His defeated tone filled with raw emotion. It cut through me, but I couldn't hold back now.

"Over time I got used to the fact that you weren't there, Dad. But what killed me was that I just didn't know what I did that made you not want to be there. I mean, I thought it was me that you hated. All of this just killed me, you know? It ate away at me." Charlie wiped away the tears on my face and held me close. I heard the rough sobs escape from him, in between my words.

"I'm so sorry, baby. None of this is your fault. You were a young kid. I should've been there. I should've been stronger, but I was so bullheaded that I let my anger at everyone else cloud my judgment. I hated that you clung to Aro. I hated that you clung to Esme and Carlisle. I wanted to be the one you needed. But I had nothing to give you. I had no money, no magic trust fund. I didn't even have enough vacation days to stay with you in the hospital when you went through the surgeries. I lashed out at you at times when I knew it was wrong to. I hated that I was alone. I hated that _they_ took your mother from me. I hated Aro for not giving me the rights as a father and husband, to make decisions for you and your mother. He just came and interfered in our lives and took away my beautiful Renee. She was my life, Bella; your mother was my saving grace."

I wanted to pull back and demand more answers. I wanted to go over and list every moment of my life that he had let me down. I wanted—No, I needed to have him hear my pain. But when he quickly got up and tried to get a hold of himself, the sight of him standing there as he tried to hold back from breaking down, it tore away my hurt. The anger slowly started to cool and I stood up when I realized that I finally had a chance at getting my father back. That maybe, just maybe, this twisted relationship he and I had could be saved. Without giving it another thought, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him.

I harnessed as much strength as my body would let me and I whispered, "Daddy, I'm here; it's okay. I swear."

"Please forgive me, Bella." Charlie held me close and sobbed into my hair. I stood on my tip toes, molding myself to my father, and tried to settle in his wonderfully safe embrace. He smelled like chewing tobacco and peppermint. The same smell that had always reminded me of home.

"You don't understand, Bella; I failed you. You needed to be looked after. If Billy and Jacob hadn't been there to help and keep it a secret, I don't even know what would have happened. If Carlisle hadn't followed through in wanting to make sure you were taken care of, you would never have had the guidance of Esme. I used to hate her so much, Bella. Did you know that? When you hugged her, I thought you'd replaced your mother. The image was burned in my mind, baby. I just couldn't help it. I just couldn't."

"Dad, please, it's okay, please stop." I couldn't take the raw hurt his words carried. I stood still with him as he confessed his weakness; I understood my father in a way I never thought I would. I knew what drove him to drink; I knew what made him so insane with rage that he would actually lash out at me. I knew the demons that alcohol satiated, because his demons were mine.

_If anything, at least we Swans were consistent. When the shit hit the fan, we both turned to alcohol to solve our problems._

The anger at the world and all the happy people in it, the desperate acts to remain in control of my life, the lack of the rational thought because I was filled with grief over my loss, I knew it all too well, because it was everything I felt toward Edward when I realized I had lost the baby. I didn't know whether I was relieved or dismayed at the realization that I was more like my father than I had originally thought. To be honest, it didn't matter. Because finally after all this time, the reasons my father and I were emotionally separated had nothing to do with the fact that I was the one who survived the car bomb. It was all because my father just didn't know how to deal with his grief.

_Let it go. If even just for this moment, let it go._

I held him close and tried to hold my chin still enough to try and speak in a coherent sentence. "Ever since I was fourteen years old, all I thought about was that I lost my mother. I never once realized what losing your wife did to you."

"No, Bella, you have to understand, it was never you. It was all me. My irresponsibility is what made this all out of control; I was out of mind, baby girl. I was crazy with grief. I needed you to be angry and hateful too, but you weren't. Oh, my little girl, you are so much like your mother, so forgiving." Charlie pulled back enough to cradle his hands around my face and kissed my forehead.

I pulled back and shook my head in denial. "No, Dad, that's not true. I'm more like you than you know. And finally, I'm not so blind to say that I'm damn proud of it too."

As the tears started to pour rapidly again, he pulled me back to him and I held my father close as he cried. I let him get out all his emotions as he whispered that he loved me over and over. I patted his back and whispered back how much I loved him and that I was fine.

I glanced over Charlie's shoulder and saw Jacob and Leah, across the kitchen, watching us. The anger I felt toward Jacob for interfering in my marriage, and all the lies he told, simmered down a bit. I wanted to forgive him so much for everything, but I knew it was pointless. The love and loyalty Jacob gave me when we were kids didn't make up for the fact that he almost destroyed my marriage.

Regardless of the fact that I was holding my emotionally-broken father in my arms as he let out all his grief for abandoning me all those years ago, a sudden thought came to me.

_If I missed all the signs that my father was an alcoholic, what signs had I missed about what Jacob hid? Have all the cards been lain out on the table? Or do I know what I know, because the truth was forced out into the open? _

I closed my eyes and pushed those thoughts away. I needed to focus on Charlie. The pent-up grief he suffered, that had manifested itself into an ugly addiction, would not be allowed to take over him again. I was alive and safe in his arms.

He needed a second chance and frankly so did I. While I didn't know where to start, fuck, I didn't even know if it would work, I had to try. There really wasn't any other choice.


	23. Chapt 21 Pt 2 Tale of the Broken Hearted

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Twenty One Part Two**

Tale of the Broken Hearted Part Two

When Charlie left to wash his face and take a necessary break from the insane emotions that were bouncing off the walls of the kitchen, I turned and met Jacob's stern gaze. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest and watched me with a domineering gaze.

It was hard to describe how I felt about Jacob. So much had happened between us and there were just so many things that he had kept from me. But for every act of betrayal, he accompanied it with an act of kindness. I loved Jacob in my own sisterly way; that was why the thought of cutting him from my life was so hard. Deep down, I wanted to give him a chance. I couldn't help it that was just how I felt.

Of course, Edward had made his position clear. Frankly, I understood his demands. Had another woman taken a place in Edward's life like Jacob had in my life, it would have killed me. I knew I would have been more impatient and more aggressive about removing her. So yeah, I knew what I needed to do. However, the battle still raged within me to cut away my security blanket and let him go. But the coward in me needed Jacob because my life was still plagued with _what ifs_.

I hated the fact that I still wasn't strong-willed enough to make a decision I could stand by, but it was the truth. I just couldn't go from leaning on Jacob to letting him go in one fluid motion. But then there was Edward to consider.

I loved him. It was pure and simple, but it was the truth. Despite the fact that I still felt he was keeping something from me and regardless of the fears constantly residing at the forefront of my mind about his fidelity, I loved him. My heart still beat for him, just as my body still yearned for him.

I felt a heated blush rise within me, as a slow and steady rush started to filter through my veins.

_Just go to him! _

I turned to find Edward, but Jacob quickly stopped me.

"Bells?"

The second I locked eyes with Jacob, I remembered we had a lot of unfinished business to deal with. I pushed down an unsettling feeling and took a deep breath.

"Why didn't you tell me? I mean if you had just told me... you know what? Forget it." I shook my head and took a step toward him. "Thank you, Jacob. For everything you and Billy did, for me and for my dad."

Jacob tightened his jaw a little. "Yeah."

"I wish you would have told me-Jacob, I didn't realize just how much you did for me." He slowly shook his head and leaned forward to press his palms onto the granite countertop in front of him.

"Don't thank me yet." I heard him mumble and I could see his jaw twitch.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" A tight knot formed in my stomach.

He rubbed his face. "I said, don't thank me yet. There is more."

A deep throbbing began to pulse at my temple, as Jacob gestured for me to take a seat near the counter and slid onto the stool on the opposite side. I glanced at Leah as I trudged over and sat down. She was white as a ghost as she twisted a dish towel in her hands.

"There are many things I wish I hadn't done and kept from you, Bella. Out of all of those things, there are two that I'm the most upset about. I'm not proud for many of my actions. Please, just remember that okay?" He pleaded with me.

"Jacob, just-" I didn't get to finish my plea for answers because Leah cut me off.

"Jacob and I lied to you about telling your father about the baby. Mr. Charles didn't know about it until a year later-when we all relocated to New York," Leah shouted out all of a sudden.

I jerked back and looked from Leah to Jacob in disbelief. "What?"

Jacob just pressed his eyes shut and shook his head, before he looked back up at Leah and nodded for her to continue.

"That is not all. When Mr. Emmett left you in Italy after making sure you were okay, Mr. Aro wanted you more dependent on him. He didn't view Mr. Charles as a threat, but he still didn't want him notified. Mr. Aro knew that Mr. Carlisle's family had a strong influence in your life, one that would most definitely outrank his; he didn't like it. His disdain for them was even stronger when it came to Mr. Edward. So, it was suggested that you should be given a false impression of Mr. Edward's dealings. That you should be influenced to keep your anger toward him alive. So we, Jacob and I, were instructed to keep everything Mr. Edward sent away from you. And to ensure you were more agreeable…I was to give you higher doses of all your medications."

As silence surrounded us, I covered my mouth in horror.

When I was finally able to gather myself enough to respond, all I could whisper was, "No."

I kept glancing between Jacob and Leah as I chanted my denial. With ever second that went by, my anger grew more intense. I pressed my lips together in a futile effort to retain some control. But as I processed Leah's words over and over, as I looked at the two people who I had trusted with everything of my being, a fury ripped through me, the likes which I never knew could exist within me. "NO! NO! NO!"

I fisted my hands and slammed them down on the granite countertop that stood between Jacob, Leah and me.

"Please, Mrs. Isabella; we didn't want to do it!" Leah cried out, begging for me to understand.

I pointed a furious finger in her direction and shook my head. Leah quickly decided to shut up.

"How you could do this? How could you do this to me, Jacob?" My voice echoed off of the wall in the kitchen. "I trusted you, more than I have trusted anyone!"

Jacob rounded the corner of the counter and stood close to me. "Bella, you have to understand- if I didn't do it, if I didn't go along with everything, Aro would have torn us apart. There was someone after you! We alone knew it and the fact that they almost killed you, made keeping you alive my number one priority. I just didn't know who; there were no leads. I needed to protect you! Aro was the only one with any pull. He has connections in the fucking _Mob_ for Christ's sake! I couldn't go up against him. If I did, then there would be no choice but to turn to-"

Before he could finish, I heard feet shuffling behind me, and I heard Edward cut Jacob off.

"Then you would have had no choice but to turn to me. Isn't that what you were going to say?" I didn't bother to turn around, but Jacob looked over my shoulder at him. Edward's dangerously calm tone was not lost on anyone. "If you defied Aro, then you'd have to come to me. 'Cause there would be no one else with enough leverage to protect her, isn't that right, Jacob?"

Edward slipped in front of me and stood toe to toe with Jacob.

"Edward, listen you can take this and twist it how you like. But what Leah and I did, we did because we had to. You of all people know that Aro is one mean mother-fucker when he doesn't get his way. You can ask Charlie."

"Yes, let's ask Charlie. Let's ask him if he would have wanted to be there when his daughter woke up from a traumatic experience. He was robbed of his rights as a husband when Renee died; did it occur to you that maybe he should have been there to make it up to Bella? Did you even stop to consider what _Bella_ would have wanted? What was good for her?" I tried to pull Edward's arm as he started to take a determined step forward.

"Oh, you are just loving this, aren't you, fucker? So easy to stand here pointing fingers at me! What about you?" Jacob spat at Edward.

"What about me, Jacob?" Edward kept his voice eerily calm, but his stare could cut glass. "How am I failing Bella, _now_?"

"You stand here smug, basking in my mistakes. Yeah, I made mistakes-I'll be man enough to say I have- but I never left her. In Chicago, you had a chance to keep her, but you didn't. If she were mine, I would never have let her go, especially when there was someone after her. What the fuck does that say about you, Edward? You just let her walk away and it almost killed her! What's the matter? Feeling guilty over the fact that you couldn't be a man and keep it in your pants? Do you feel guilty over the fact that while she was faithful, you cheated on her?" I felt Edward stiffen and clench his fist.

"I don't have to answer to you, pup, but be certain of this-I have done far more to ensure Bella's welfare than you. Granted, I let her go when she asked me to in Chicago. It's a mistake I will _never_ make again, no matter how much she asks. So imply all you want, but it doesn't make it true, no matter how much you want it to. 'Cause when everything is said and done, at the end of the fucking day, Jacob, Bella is still with me!"

"You son of a bitch!" Jacob lashed out. Thankfully, Charlie came running into the kitchen in time to stop them.

"Boys, calm down! Stop this right now. Fighting is not going to solve anything!" He pushed them apart, and I quickly slipped my arms around Edward's waist. "What are you boys fighting about now?"

Jacob kept silent as he just stood there, staring daggers at Edward.

"Is it true, Dad? That you didn't know the whole truth about what happened to me in Italy? It is true what they said?" I asked quickly. I watched as his confusion suddenly cleared. As the realization of what I was asking dawned on him, he pressed his lips together and nodded.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Jacob did tell me the whole truth later."

I pressed my palm to my forehead, not even sure what was going on anymore.

_This is insane_.

"How could you not tell me, Dad? How could you just sit back and let Jacob lie to me about everything? How could you just let them drug me and keep me hostage?" I screamed.

"Wait one minute," Charlie demanded, as Edward's head shot over to look at me. "What do you mean drugged you? What are you talking about?"

I looked over at Jacob as he slumped onto the bar stool next to Leah. I could see the dread that was rising within him.

_Oh fuck. _

The pleading look in Jacob's eyes shot through me, and I knew he wanted me to cover up the secret that Leah had spilled. As fucked up as it was, there was a small part of me that wanted to protect Jacob and Leah. An insane idea I know, but it was so hard to face the truth. The truth was there was nothing left to protect, that Jacob had done this all on his own. I looked over at Edward's shocked expression. I could see that his concern was fading into anger. I wanted to shield him from all of this, but if it meant lying to him, well, then that was something I was not prepared to do.

"Uncle Aro was so determined to _protect_ me from whoever it was that he felt was trying to kill me, that he had Leah and Jacob drug me."

As soon as the words left my mouth, Edward blurred and was in motion. Before I could react, I felt Edward slip past me. I watched as he dodged Charlie's grasp and tackled Jacob to the ground.

"Damn you!" he screamed as his fist met Jacob's jaw. "She trusted you! She came to you to protect her!"

I heard Jacob grunt and instinctively try and protect his face.

Leah and I both screamed and as Charlie tried to pull Edward off Jacob. I watched as Edward tried to break through Jacob's defensive form and attacked his face again and again, as he screamed for him to fight back.

"Come on! Fight me, Jacob! Do it!" As Charlie pulled him back, Edward continued his assault on Jacob by kicking at him. "What's the matter, you dog? Too afraid of me? Is it because I'm not Bella? Is it because I'm conscious? Because I'm not emotionally weary or weaker than you? Come on, you fucker! Fight me!"

When there was enough distance between them, I ran to Edward as Leah ran to Jacob. I took Edward's face in my hands and begged him to calm down, as I heard Leah urge Jacob to just stay down and not move. When Edward continued to struggle, Charlie held him tighter around the waist.

"Edward, son, please calm down! I know how you are feeling but acting like this is not the way. Think of Bella." As I met Edward's eyes, I saw the rage and anger. I pleaded with my eyes for him to calm down.

"Edward, baby, please. I know you're angry, so am I! But please just calm down. Please." He swallowed hard and slowly nodded. He turned his head to Charlie and nodded for him to let him go.

Edward reached for me and held me close. I felt some of his anger start to cool. "Bella, God, this is such a mess."

"I know, baby, I know." I tried to calm my voice, hoping it would soothe him. Edward relaxed a little, and I let myself melt into his arms.

"Charlie, you have to understand our hands were tied. I wanted to tell you. But Aro, he just had too much power. You've gotta believe me." Jacob rubbed his jaw as he begged. Leah tried to steady him as she helped him up.

Charlie was silent for a long moment and just looked over at me. I could see the pain and despair as he thought over everything that Billy and Jacob had done for us as a family. I knew how my father thought- after all, we were so alike. It was a long few minutes of deep breathing, but he soon closed his eyes and shook his head.

"This is my daughter we are talking about, Jacob. How could you do this to Bella?" I reached out and took his hand to give him strength. "Edward's right; she trusted you."

"Charlie, I did what I had to. You have to believe me, I love Bella. You have no idea the fear that went through me. If Leah and I were let go, God knows who Aro would have entrusted to protect and take care of her."

"Shut up, you lying bastard! There is no way you are going talk your way out of this!" Edward growled at Jacob.

"Mr. Edward, you have to listen. Jacob and I, we did our best." Leah quickly came around toward us.

"Leah, don't you dare apologize to him! If he wouldn't have messed up, Bella would never have left!" Jacob pulled her back before she made it past him.

_This has to end, now!_

"Shut up, Jacob!" I yelled as Edward held me back when I tried to reach around him.

"Edward, hold her back. Bella, calm down, please. He made a mistake. A huge one, and as much as I hate to admit it, right now we can't divide. We need to focus all together. Bella, someone is trying to kill you." Charlie wedged himself between us and created a buffer between me and Jacob.

"I can't believe this! Are you serious, Dad? How can you just dismiss what Jacob did?" I stared at Charlie in disbelief. I glanced up over my shoulder at Edward. "Is this how I sound when I am making excuses for him?"

Edward tried to hold back a small smirk that tugged at the corners of his mouth. I turned back toward my father.

"How can you say that, Dad? How can I trust him?" I interjected.

I turned to Jacob. "You had so many chances to tell me. Uncle Aro was hardly around us in New York, Jacob. You could've told me the truth then. You could have come clean about everything. Not just drugging me, but about everything! The only reason the truth is out now is because your back is up against a wall."

I pulled free from Edward. "I'm not gonna hit him, Edward. I promise."

"It's not you hitting Jacob that I'm worried about. I just don't think hurting your hand is worth it," Edward stated smoothly. I gave him a small smile before turning back to Jacob.

"Let's stop bullshitting and just state the truth, shall we? You did what you did because you had an ulterior motive. Don't you dare tell me that your hands were tied. Anyway you look at it, the fact still remains that you should have told me, Jacob. If not in Italy, then you should have told me when we were in New York."

I turned to look toward Leah who cried softly. I felt my emotions start to rumble inside of me. Of all the people in the world, I would've never ever questioned Leah's loyalty. I just stood still for a few moments and clenched my jaw shut. The ache I felt inside sent a strong quake-like shock through my body.

I tried to tame the words that were threatening to escape my lips. _She had no choice. Leah's hands were tied. BULLSHIT! I would have believed her, and I would've protected her from anything she feared!_

"And you, Leah? You had more chances than anyone! You were my best friend. You held me at night when I cried for Edward. You knew how much I needed him. You knew! And you still didn't tell me the truth."

I held out my fisted hands in front of me and tried to control them as they shook. "How can you both say you care about me? When all you have done is lie to me and deceive me?"

"Mrs. Isabella, please we tried many times to tell you." Leah sobbed. She pulled at Jacob's sleeves, crying out, "Jacob! Please tell her. Mrs. Isabella! I am so sorry! Please, _please_ understand!"

My voice was heavy with betrayal as I kept shaking my head in denial. "Leah, I would have understood. Don't you see if you had just come to me and told me the truth, I would have made it work? I would have tried to move on. But now, I just don't think I can."

She reached out and clasped my hands in hers. "Please, Mrs. Isabella, please I am begging you."

"I begged too, Leah." I yanked my hands from her grip and fisted my blouse above my stomach. "I begged that all the heartache and the pain would just go away. Remember? You were there!" I swallowed deeply as the tears streamed down my face.

"I loved you-both of you-so much. You were my family, my only family for so long. I trusted you both more than I trusted anyone. But after this-after all this-I just can't," I whispered brokenly. My lips quivered as she held a fisted hand to her mouth and sobbed. My eyes locked with Leah's, and I could tell she knew it was over. "Take care of her, Jacob."

Jacob came up and held Leah as she turned to cry into his chest. "Bells, you can't mean that—"

"Yes. You both are fired." I kept my quivering lips steady as I wiped the angry tears away. I cleared my throat and tried to appear unaffected by the words that were ripped from me. "You may stay until the end of the week or until you make other arrangements."

"Bella, please just think…"Charlie started. I shot a dangerously strong look toward him.

"I'm not a little girl anymore, Dad. So please don't interfere. I'm done with sticking my head in the sand. If I had just faced my own fears, I wouldn't be here right now. I might still be targeted or dead even, but at least I wouldn't have left a life of regrets and _what ifs_ behind me." I turned and looked at Edward as he locked his gaze with mine. "I am done with _what ifs,_ Dad. From now on, I am doing what I feel is right. I'm sorry if that makes me seem heartless or cold. But this is my life that everyone has been fucking around with. It's time I take it back."

I walked toward Edward who stood shocked at my sudden forcefulness. I reached out and laced my fingers in his. He didn't say a word but followed my lead and we walked out of the kitchen together.

As Edward shut the door of my bedroom, I walked over and crawled into bed. I relaxed into the plush goose-down pillows and rested my arms over my face. I exhaled loudly and let out all the tension that was inside. The bed dipped when Edward sat next to me.

"So how much did you hear?" I whispered. Edward reached down, took my hand in his, and kissed my palm.

"I heard enough to know that Aro is a son of bitch, and I want to kill him for thinking he could keep you away from me." I let out a throaty laugh and rolled over to my side. I felt Edward lean in behind me and hold my back against his chest. "Bella, if you don't want to talk about it—"

"No, we have to talk and I guess we should begin with Aro."

Edward pushed my hair to one side and planted a soft and sensual kiss on the nape of my neck. "I'm here, baby. Let it all out."

I took a deep breath and tried to expel some of the pain that was throbbing inside me. I licked my lips slowly and intertwined my fingers in Edward's, pulling his arms close around me.

"So Aro wasn't my mom's uncle. He was her father."

After a long rehashing of everything that Charlie confessed, I sat forward with my back to Edward and rubbed my exhausted face.

"Basically my entire life is one living, breathing soap opera." I let out a deep sigh and leaned back into Edward's open arms. He held me close to him as we lay back against each other.

"So what happened to Franco?" Edward asked softly. "Was it really a car accident?"

I nodded slowly.

"Don't tell me Aro had something to do with it?" Edward asked with a questioning tone.

"Uncle Aro never found out or made a connection to anything that was reliable. But during his rebellious stage, he had managed to rub certain people the wrong way. Any one of them could have ordered a hit on Franco, especially if it was to make a point to Uncle Aro."

"What about your mother? Didn't she ever go back to see her family?"

"Well, according to Charlie, when my mother found out about Grandpapa's death, she wanted to go out and visit her mother in Italy but Grandmamma refused to see her. At the time, my mother was made to feel that it had to do with her marrying my dad. But in reality, it was because after an investigation was done, they found that the brakes had been tampered with. Uncle Aro, not being able to pinpoint the source of the hit, put everyone on lockdown and decided that keeping my mother being as far away as possible was the best thing. He refused to let my grandmamma leave Italy to see her for fear that she would never survive the trip or that someone would find out where my mother was."

"But, wouldn't everyone be able to track her down? Your mother, I mean; people knew that she had gone to school in America," Edward asked.

"I don't know. I guess it was because my mother changed her name after she was married. I think Clallam County Courthouse never demanded official paperwork when it came to changing your name when you get married." I got up to take a quick drink of water. "Well that and I guess the fact that Uncle Aro had a private American security team watch my mother behind the scenes."

Edward sat up and watched me closely. "So did you ever meet your grandmother?"

"I almost did, when I was a year old, but sadly no. When Grandmamma was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was too late to do anything. Apparently Uncle Aro flew out to see my mother right away and ended up confessing the truth to her. She was understandably shocked and devastated, but she wanted to be with her mother. When Charlie realized the there was still a threat, that someone was after my mother's family, he begged my mom not to go. But she was stubborn when she wanted to be, and Charlie refused to let me go. So my mom left me for almost a year to go and be with my grandmamma before she died."

"And after your grandmother died, when Renee came home, why was there no contact with Aro for so long?"

"It turns out that after Grandmamma Antonella died, it was my mother who decided to cut all ties. From what my father told me, she was so sick of all the death and deceit. My mother was worried that the threat could follow her home and she asked that Uncle Aro to make the ultimate sacrifice. Basically, she asked to be set free."

I don't know why, but the idea that my mother felt so caged and had to sacrifice so much, just made my heart ache for all that she had to endure. I chanced a glance at Edward who wore a concerned expression. I let out a deep breath and held up my hand to stop Edward, who started to get up.

"I'm fine, Edward. I just-it's all so hard, you know? I mean, she gave up her father for me and Charlie because our lives could have been in danger."

"What about when you and your mom went back together when you were fourteen?" Edward asked slowly. I closed my eyes as the horrible day came flying back to me. I cleared my throat and took a long drink of my water.

"Charlie told me that she went home because everything seemed safe. Uncle Aro had been married and divorced a few times with no death threats or attempts were made on his life. When my mother found out that Uncle Aro and Gianna were expecting, she finally accepted that maybe it was time to try and heal old wounds. I know my dad was still suspicious of everything but this time my mother won her battle in wanting to take me to meet the family."

_If only we had listened to Charlie._

I closed my eyes and shook away the thought. I wouldn't do this to myself. It was hard enough realizing that I was so quick to blame Charlie, when he suffered silently with a burden that my mother left behind.

"Who was behind it? Did they figure anything out?" I slowly nodded. "Tell me, Bella."

"According to Charlie, after mom and I were attacked, Uncle Aro found his first real lead to why Grandpapa Franco was even targeted. Apparently, Grandpapa Franco had made a bad business decision sometime before his death. Some workers had to be laid off and for some finding work was harder than others. Apparently, one of the men was so far deep in debt that he committed suicide and left his grievances about the layoffs in a letter. So his sons and others who had similar complaints decided that the "_Boss_" needed to be made an example of. So after they got to Grandpapa, my grandmamma was protected until she lost her battle with cancer. My guess is that the need for vengeance was still so alive that they went after my mother and me when she went home."

I locked my eyes with Edward, who pressed his lips together tightly. I knew he felt my pain and was worried about how this whole situation was affecting me. I could feel the emotions start to rumble to the surface but held it down.

"When they attacked me and my mother, they were sloppy, and Uncle Aro was able to track them down. Charlie said Uncle Aro had it all taken care of." I let out a deep sigh. "But I guess someone slipped between the cracks."

As my voice drifted off, Edward suddenly shifted on the bed. He quickly scooted to the edge of the bed and planted both feet on the ground. He rubbed his face and hung his head in a defeated posture. I put the glass down and walked over to him quickly and knelt down so I was level with him, as I stroked his hair. He quickly looked up and met my worried eyes.

"What's the matter, Edward?" He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Hey? Come on, tell me."

Edward opened his eyes and his gaze traveled the length of my body. He settled his sight on my stomach for a few quiet seconds. He reached out and softly rubbed the fabric of my blouse with his knuckles. Edward then laid a more possessive open-palmed hand on my stomach and locked eyes with me.

"Bella, tell me that this whole mess isn't the reason I almost lost you? Tell me this whole mess isn't the reason we lost our baby?" he asked with a stern and clipped tone.

I lowered my gaze and tried to move away, but Edward grabbed my arms and pulled me to him.

"For Christ's sake, please. Just tell me I didn't almost lose you-tell me that we didn't lose our baby cause of some damn mob family drama."

"I don't know, Edward," I whispered as I looked up at him. "I just don't know."

"What about after we fought…when you were in Italy?" Edward let go of me and I slumped, focusing on the floor. He covered his face slowly and tried to force the words out. "They failed at protecting you there too, didn't they? The fall, our baby, and the overdose?"

My eyes shot up in shock when Edward spoke about the overdose. I knew Jacob had told him about my mental state after losing the baby, and how everyone believed that I had overdosed. But after the attack I had suffered, and hearing my father's confession, nothing that had happened in the past was above re-examination. All I knew was that somewhere along the way while I was believing the worst about my husband, I had stumbled back into a family drama in which it seemed everyone wanted my grandpapa Franco's heirs dead.

"Bella?" I looked back up at Edward as he kept a hard gaze on me, and suddenly, his features softened as he pulled me into hug. I fought my angry tears as I held him close and crawled into his lap. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and kissed his pulse point.

The thoughts of my immature and prideful behavior came flying back; the twisted knots began to form when I realized just how much we both had lost. It was relief and fury all mixed into a mind-blowing cocktail that seemed to wash through me when I realized that I wasn't responsible for my baby's death. But it was the reality that Edward and I both had been robbed of our chance at being parents that overwhelmed my soul. I knew inside the _what ifs_ were stupid to even consider. But I couldn't help it; this situation was littered with so many different outcomes based on the decisions that I had made, that it made it impossible not to think of those damn _what ifs_.

My body pressed against Edward's as we both clung to each other; I could hear the haggard breaths he took trying to keep his emotions in check. We both had been through so much and so many unnecessary trials in wanting to be with each other. One would have thought that I would have tried to maintain a level head to keep us from adding to our burdens. Instead, I never gave my husband a chance. I never had faith in the vows that we took, in the love we declared; I never had faith in the man who loved me with a desperate devotion and forgiving soul.

"I didn't know; I swear if I had I would never had acted so irresponsibly." I pulled back and cupped his face and looked deeply into his eyes. "Forgive me, please. Just please forgive me. I swear I will make it up to you; I love you so much…we can have more babies…I swear I will do whatever it takes to give you babies, Edward. Just please, Edward-"

I stopped midsentence when I realized that Edward's eyes had morphed from confusion to rage.

"You think I blame you for the baby? For Christ's sake, Bella, this is not your fault!" He exclaimed as he tightened his grip on me and rolled me over to my back. Edward pressed his body against mine and used the pad of his thumbs to wipe away my tears, as he cupped my face. "I don't ever want you thinking or believing that for a minute."

I shook my head and my lower lip quivered as I looked away. Edward held my chin softly and pulled me back, not letting me hide my gaze.

"Love, it is not your fault," he whispered as he leaned down and kissed away my tears. "Please, Bella, don't you ever think for one minute that any of this is your fault."

"I didn't trust you. I didn't believe in you-in us," I whispered. "If I had I stayed, maybe the baby…"

Edward's gaze quickly tightened. "Bella, damn it. You don't know that, so don't say it. You know this is not your fault. Bella, you could have stayed with me in Los Angeles, and the outcome could have been the same. Love, we all make our own decisions. Yes, you left, you hid, and you didn't give me a chance. But for fuck's sake, Bella, I'm not innocent in this situation. I made fucked up decisions too, you know."

"It's not the same thing, Edward."

"Whatever guilt you carry in your heart, Bella, I'm guilty of the same." I looked up at him and wanted so desperately to ask what he meant, but he didn't give me a chance. Edward leaned back and rolled off the bed as he started pacing and talking. He hands were animated and it suddenly looked like he had ingested large amounts Mountain Dew with a few cans of Red Bull.

When the rapid flow of sentences started tumbling out, there were only a few words and phrases that caught my attention.

"Aro played with my mind…Told me you moved on…I was depressed…So stupid…Saw you smiling at Jacob in a tabloid…I fucking snapped…Inside I knew you didn't cheat…Alice and I met up with Victoria Newman…Vegas."

Alice's conversation from the restaurant drifted back, and I tried to piece together what he was saying.

"_Did he sleep with her?" I whispered. I slowly looked up at her and caught her fearful expression. "Answer me, Alice. Did Edward fuck Victoria Newman in Vegas?"_

"_Bella, no, of course not! There is no way. I am sure of that." She reached out and held my hand. _

"_Then what, Alice? Tell me why I feel like you are keeping something from me. Just please stop all this and tell me."_

"_He was a mess, Bella. He kept telling me that he had made a mistake and that he should have been stronger, that he had faith in his marriage. He kept muttering how he missed you so much, and just wished he hadn't been drinking. I asked him over and over what he meant, but he wouldn't elaborate on it. He was so emotional and distraught, I just let it go. Edward never let me broach the subject with him again."_

"_Mistake? Been stronger? Drinking? Alice, he was admitting to you that he cheated on me." _

"_No, Bella, he was a mess because…because…_

"_Because what, Alice? Please." I begged. She pulled her eyes away from me and stared down at her half-eaten food. _

"_He was a mess because he was sure you had somehow fallen out of love with him and that you were unfaithful to him," she whispered. "It was like he realized that his marriage was really over."_

Alice had been very persistent in her assertion that Edward hadn't cheated on me, but she was his little sister. No matter how objective Alice felt she was, when it came to Edward, there was no way she would have been able to remain fair. I watched as Edward started to get flustered kneeled down near me and tried to make sense of his own haphazard sentences.

As the realization dawned on me why it was so hard for him to get to the point, I slowly stood up and walked over to my bedside table. I pulled out my copy of _The Old Man and the Sea_. I leafed through the pages until I found the glossy pieces of paper that Jacob had given me in Chicago. My hands trembled as I unfolded the paper and looked down at the picture. I felt my stomach start to churn again, as I gazed down at the picture of a very happy-looking Edward, lying back against a black leather sofa at a night club. There were lots of people around him, but it was the fierce redhead with her cellulite laced thighs straddling my husband, giving him a drink from a champagne bottle and laughing with him, that had my attention.

Yes, everyone's favorite hooker was wearing a skin-tight low-cut sequined dress. It was hiked up so high you could see her ass hanging out, and from the way the picture was taken, it seemed she had decided to lend her panties to someone because seriously, the bitch wasn't wearing any! The worst part of the picture was the look they both had in their eyes. It was so carefree and…happy. The way she leaned into him with her basketball size boobs bouncing in his face, if I didn't know better, I would have thought they were a couple.

While I suspected that there was more to the _Tanya_ story than Edward was leading me to believe, after everything that has happened, I did believe him when he said that he didn't cheat on me. But just because Edward was faithful to me while we were together, does that really mean that he would remain faithful to me when we were apart? Four years was a long time to expect someone to hold on to hope that their marriage would endure. Especially, since I gave Edward very little hope to go on.

_Get a fucking grip, Bella. Remember you left him! He didn't know any better. You cut him out of your life. _

I pushed down the fear that fought to take over me, and I slowly turned to Edward. He was walking around all frazzled and hyper, when I quickly cut him off.

"Edward, I know about Vegas." He stopped and snapped his head in my direction. His mouth popped open but before he could speak, I continued. "I spoke to Alice. She told me everything."

"What? God, I am gonna kill Alice. I wanted to tell you, Bella, I swear." Edward groaned. I slowly cleared my throat and handed him the photograph in my hands. "How in the—"

"It doesn't matter how I got that. All that matters is that it happened." I spoke softly. "All that matters is… that I forgive you, Edward."

He kept his eyes on the picture and slowly whispered. "Forgive me for what?"

I wanted to slap him in that moment for being so insensitive, but I told myself that I needed to remember that this was not about blame or finger pointing. I tried to remember we both made mistakes, and I owed it to him. No, I owed it to myself, to be strong and face this head on.

"I can't blame you for what you must have gone through when I left, when I made it so hard for you to find me. I know we were manipulated at times but, Edward, I hurt you first, I failed you first. If I had moments where I questioned your loyalty, your devotion, of course it is only natural that you must have had yours…" Edward remained still but cut me off.

"Would you mind telling me what the hell you are accusing me of, Bella?" His voice was barely a whisper but the tension came through loud and clear.

The words seemed stuck in my throat; it was almost like they begged not to be heard. I painfully cleared my throat and let out a deep breath. "Edward, I know you slept with Victoria Newman."


	24. Chapt 22 Pt 1 Realizations and Regrets

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Twenty Two Part One

Realizations and Regrets

EPOV

To say my life was a _living hell_ was an understatement. What made things worse was the fact that it didn't look like it was going to be getting any better. When I first got the call from Jasper, screaming that Bella had been attacked, it almost killed me.

After everything that happened in Chicago, I knew I needed to dig deeper and get to the truth about what Bella saw the night she came home early from Italy. It was the only way I knew for Bella and I to find our way back to each other from all the hurt and the lies.

In Chicago, after learning about the pregnancy that Bella had kept from me, it destroyed me when I asked Bella to let go of Jacob. While the thought of ridding Bella of that out-of-control dog brought me great joy, it killed me to see the hurt look on her face when I presented her with my ultimatum. She fought with me and put me in my place, rightfully so. Even while making my demands, my need to touch her, to feel her, just to stay connected to her in any way was overpowering. Painfully, I remained steady and rooted in my demands.

When it was obvious that Bella had been doing some thinking along the same lines, I felt like a huge asshole for not having enough faith in her to make the decision on her own. What floored me was when Bella asked that I give her time alone to separate from Jacob.

It ate away at me-the tender care she wanted to take in releasing Jacob from her staff. He had been a constant third wheel in our marriage, and had almost succeeded in driving us to the point of divorce. However, my Bella was a very forgiving soul. It was one of the many beautiful qualities she possessed, but she always ended up being the one who gave in and accepted Jacob's excuses.

What I didn't see coming was Bella needing to handle the Jacob situation alone. I almost backtracked and wanted to tell her _"Fuck it."_ If it meant being away from her, she could keep Jacob as her damn bodyguard. But I realized why she wanted to do this on her own; it was the first step for her to try and regain control of her life. To do this, she needed to let go of Jacob, without any influence from me.

So I sat back and painfully watched as she silently packed and skirted around me. I could feel the tension and anxiety coming off her in waves, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her and tell her that it didn't have to be this way. When we tried to break the news to the family of our sudden and separate departure, it was obvious that no one was buying it. It was apparent to them that we were just as fucked up as ever. Emmett gave me a stern stare, and I wanted to fucking punch the traitor. It wasn't like I wanted to be separated from my wife, but she made her position painfully clear. If Jacob Black was going to be relieved as Bella's bodyguard, then she had to do it on her own. I appreciated the fact that my parents didn't push and ask questions. It was really the last thing we both needed. But then Alice started in on her.

Now, I love my sister, and I know she meant well, but the second she started talking, I wanted nothing more than to shove a breakfast roll or muffin in her mouth. I could see the emotion rise within Bella as she tried to remain strong and smile, but when I caught the look in her eyes, I knew she was going to crack. So I stepped in, in order to shield her, the best I could.

By the time we made it to the private airstrip to board planes that were to take us each our own way, I had lost all control of my senses. Before I could stop myself, I grabbed her and kissed her. Her eyes widened in surprise as she lost her footing and fell against me. I took advantage of her mishap and deepened our kiss. She slowly gave in and parted her lips to let me devour them. By the time I pulled away, she was desperate for air, and when she opened her eyes, I saw a small speck of doubt cloud over them. When I bent down for another kiss, she pressed her face into my shoulder and shook her head. So I reluctantly let her go and whispered, "I love you,_"_ and, "I'll see you soon." I then stood by and watched as my love boarded that small jet and took off for New York, praying that I would have enough strength to give her the space she so desperately needed.

The entire plane ride back to Los Angeles was spent in anguish. I wanted to turn the damn plane around and fly after her. I tried to distract myself as much as I could with thoughts of projects and mergers that I had neglected. Unfortunately it was no use; only thoughts of my Bella played through my mind. The solitude helped me ponder and sort through my stress. It made me realize that, sickeningly enough, I had gone about everything with Bella the wrong way from the very start.

When Bella stomped into our Los Angeles home four years ago, screaming that I was cheating on her, I was horrified that my own wife would accuse me of something that I knew I had no part in. Instead of trying to deduce what led her to that conclusion, I ended up letting my pride do the talking, and I added more fuel to the fire.

My biggest mistake was that I didn't believe her when she told me what she saw. Thinking back on it right now, why would Bella even want to make up something like that? And just like that I knew I had behaved like the world's biggest asshole.

After mentally coming to terms with my asinine behavior, the rest of the plane trip was spent trying to figure out ways to make it up to Bella and prove myself to her.

By the time I landed and made it back to my apartment, I had realized that I needed to figure out what the hell had been going on. Bella told me she finally believed me when it came to the Tanya situation, but suddenly the events of that night didn't sit well with me. I decided that I was going to use the time apart to probe deeper into that fucked-up situation.

It was the only way we were really going to have a _fresh start_.

Boy, did we need one. A _fresh start_ meant rebuilding the _trust_ and _faith_ we had lost in each other. If that meant finding Tanya and confronting her about what Bella had seen, then so be it. In my anger of being accused of cheating by my wife, it never occurred to me how my dismissal of her fears might have made her feel. So I contacted Jenks, the private detective who led me to Bella in Italy, and put in a request to have him do some digging into Tanya's whereabouts.

Over the course of the weeks after we parted, Bella and I did everything to stay in touch. Well, I did the contacting, for the most part. I even surprised her by having Paul set up Skype, so I could talk to and see my angel every moment I got.

The media had exploded on us with a vengeance. Bella was hounded every second she stepped foot outside. I was able to maintain some distance from the paparazzi but had also started to feel like I was being watched at every turn.

When Jenks called me back and told me that he couldn't find Tanya, my fears that there was something more going on than I had originally thought started to come true.

I tried my best to calm the panic that had begun to spread through me. I told him to spare no expense and that I wanted her found. A part of me wanted to talk to Bella about it, but she was already under so much pressure I didn't want to bog her down until I had something more concrete.

Even though Bella's and Aro's teams were already tracking and digging up the dirt on the break-in that happened in Chicago, at the last minute I decided to have Jenks look into it as well. It was unlikely that Tanya and what happened in Chicago were related, but something inside of me decided it couldn't hurt to check.

Mom and Dad always made sure to call and check up on me. They knew Bella and I were still separated; the media did an amazing job of making sure the whole damn world knew we still were not physically back together. When my frustration became apparent, my mother asked point blank what she could do to help. It killed me not to ask her for help, but I knew I couldn't tell her everything. It would mean explaining about Italy and the baby. If I was trying to re-establish trust between Bella and me, I needed to have Bella take the lead on the matter. Overall, I knew that this was one mess that Bella and I needed to work out on our own. So I sat back and appreciated their continued words of support and made sure I knew that they were always there.

Emmett, on the other hand, made sure to remind me what it would mean if I fucked up this situation again. I wasn't over my traitorous brother's actions in keeping the truth about Bella and the baby from me, but I knew I couldn't hate him. He took care of Bella when I couldn't. Whether or not I was kept from her or if she was hidden from me didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was her well-being and that she was safe. Emmett always had a special place in his heart for Bella. Fuck, the whole family did! He treated her like he would treat Alice. So when Bella asked him to keep her secret, he did what I would have done had Rose had been in the same predicament and come to me.

It wasn't that we didn't have loyalty to one another as brothers. It was the fact that Emmett and I had been raised to look out for the women in our lives. We were raised to make sure that our mother, sister, and our wives were always taken care of. The vows we each made to our wives, not only cemented our commitment to them, but it was also an unsaid promise that if something were to happen to their spouses; they would still be connected to the family and looked after by the surviving family members. That motto was ingrained and championed. As my father would say, it was the "Cullen Way."

Jasper was silent for the most part, he was great at figuring out my emotions and knew how to calm me down.

It was Alice who harassed me constantly. You would think that she would have gotten a fucking clue from everything that had been going on, that the situation between Bella and me was anything but easily fixed, but no, not my sister. I swear she walked around as a permanent resident of La-La Land. She was pushy and annoying on so many levels. She constantly pushed me by calling me on a daily basis to ask me when Bella was coming to see me. I knew she felt what she was doing was right. I mean, after the humiliating display I had put up in Vegas, Alice had tried to be my voice of reason. Whenever she felt I was veering off course, she tried in her own way to guide me. But these past few weeks, I had wanted nothing more than to tell her to back the fuck off.

When the contracts with the latest of the Cullen Corporations acquisitions were over, I had decided I couldn't take any more of being separated. I needed Bella. I wanted Bella, and I wasn't going to be denied my God-given right to see her. I was in the process of booking the jet to get me out to New York, when I got Jasper's call.

The entire plane ride out to New York was spent in agony. I had almost lost her…I failed her…again. Where were the protection and comfort I swore I would give her? I _knew_ there was someone after her, but I still let her go off to New York on her own. I wanted to rip my hair out and scream when images of what Bella must have been through in Italy played on repeat in my mind. My heart was hurting with the fear of what could have happened, as well as what could still happen.

Was she protected? Was she alone? Was she calling out for me? I was dying inside when I remembered what Jacob said about how she called for me when she lost the baby. The anger in me almost made me act out in rage. Instead I clenched the armrest of the seat and tried to be optimistic. The rest of the plane trip, one person kept popping into my mind, and it reminded me of what a double-edged sword Jacob Black really was.

I knew that, that fucking dog would have definitely broken whatever protocol Bella had placed on him to be at her side. He was hot-headed and stubborn. He wanted my wife for himself. But right or wrong, he was who he was and did what he did, because he loved my wife. That was the truth, plain and simple. I hated Jacob Black with every fiber of my being, but I knew that his love for Bella would make him protect her. So, for that brief moment in time, I almost considered Jacob Black a godsend.

A part of me felt comforted, but deep inside, I knew that if I ever saw the fucker touch her or overstep the line, nothing would stop me from kicking him out of the hospital and out of Bella's life once and for all.

The sentiment and faith in Jacob's abilities were very short-lived. I raced from the airport to the hospital, and I met Alice in the lobby. She told me that Bella was still sedated and, I was determined to be there when she woke up. I would never let my Bella wake up without me by her side again. But when I found the floor almost deserted with no security detail surrounding her, my rage got the better of me, and I wanted to kill Jacob Black. If it weren't for Bella, I would have succeeded.

What I almost did in going after Jacob and not staying with Bella made me realize just how neglectful and unfair I had been to Bella. I held her in my arms and cradled her body against mine, as she slept that first night in the hospital. I thanked God in silent prayers that she was with me, alive and well.

But when Bella started the thrashing and whimpering in her sleep, I saw the pain of the last four years and what my neglect and lack of action in finding my wife had done to her. She cried out for me and repeated over and over for the man with the coal black eyes to stop. When she begged him not to rape her, it was like feeling a knife plunge into my own heart.

The next morning on my way back from getting an update from Jenks, I ran into Jacob outside of Bella's room. We both froze at the very sight of each other. The hate and disgust was resonating from us, but I reined it in enough and focused on Bella.

When Sam rounded the corner and informed us that the fucker who had tried to kill Bella was dead, both Jacob and I breathed sighs of relief. But at the same time, the fact that we would not be able to get any answers from him did add an extra element of fear that the _nightmare_ was not over.

I had tried to push the thoughts from my mind and focus on Bella. As much as I had hoped that Bella and I would get past all the awkwardness, the underlying fact that I almost lost my wife was taking its toll on me.

I watched as she behaved in the most manic of ways, one minute she was happy, the next minute she was sad. Her mood swings were rapid and uncharacteristic. I watched as she tried to put on a brave front, but I knew my love. She couldn't hide the pain and uncertainty from me; her eyes were an open book. Although I had my reservations, I knew that having everyone she loved around her was necessary. My mom and dad were already in New York, as were Rose and Emmett. But I didn't feel like they were enough. So I took a chance and prayed that my instincts were right and called Charlie.

The second he came, I could feel the tension radiating off Bella. Thankfully with Jacob and Sam around, everyone tried to make the best of a very awkward situation. I could see Bella slowly starting to calm down, and I was elated when I saw that Charlie even made a conscious effort to be cordial, but that feeling was short-lived.

When Mom and I finally got Bella to calm down after her blow up with Charlie, I wanted nothing more than to pack her things and take her back to Los Angeles with me. I was done watching Bella have to go through a roller coaster of emotions. She had been through so much, and I just wanted to watch over her and protect her from everything. But I knew if I didn't let Bella take the lead and make decisions _with_ her as opposed to _for_ her, I wouldn't be any different than assholes like Jacob and Aro.

After saying goodbye to everyone, I walked back to find Bella asleep. Her arms were tucked under her head, with her hair cascading around her. Her soft skin, long lashes, and plump, velvety, kissable lips called to me. It was rare to see her with her guard so completely down. The vulnerable state she slept in created an overwhelming need for me to touch her. My cautious emotions were begging to be let out; the temptation came alive, and I wanted nothing more than to just hold her to me. I tried to reason with myself that it was _okay_, that Bella needed comfort. When I took a step forward, my obvious erection brought me back to the reality that climbing into bed with Bella was more about me than it was her.

I couldn't do that to her. I didn't want to rush her. I didn't want to confuse and overwhelm her. So I did the gentlemanly thing and I pulled the bedspread over her, deciding to settle for watching my beloved sleep instead.

I don't know how long I watched her, but the ringing of my cell phone shook me out of my fog. I made sure to answer it quickly so that Bella wouldn't be disturbed.

"_This is Edward." _

"_Edward, hey, how is it going?" I cringed a little when I heard his voice. "It's Ayers." _

"_What can I do for you?" _

"_Aww, come on, man, still upset with me?" I had to hold back the urge to hang up on him. _

"_James, I'm not going to ask you again, why are you calling me?" _

"_Okay, okay, I am calling you because I found out through the grapevine that Jenks was looking for Tanya Denali." I heard him shuffle some papers around. _

"_Yeah, so?" _

"_Well, when I realized it was you who was looking for her, I kind of took the initiative to pull some strings on my end and tried to get more info on her." _

"_I appreciate you taking the time, James, but I didn't ask you for your help. So I don't see…"_

"_Has Jenks called you with anything yet?" James cut me off. _

"_No." _

"_Edward, Jenks is not going to find out anything on where Tanya is. It's like she's vanished." I glanced over at Bella who was still sleeping soundly. _

"_What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I snapped. _

"_Listen-she was still on Centro Corp's payroll until two years ago. After that, I have a few leads on society events and people she was seen with at different fundraising events. Dude, did you know that she was a judge at a Little Miss Sunshine Pageant?" _

_I pinched the bridge of nose. "I didn't and don't see what that has to do with anything, James." _

"_Oh yeah, sorry, I was just mentioning it because I didn't know what that was so I looked it up. Dude, it was freaky shit, Edward. They dress up little girls to look like adults. They have these plastic smiles and they even have children dentures for the kids that have a few teeth missing! Edward, I saw some pictures, and at first I thought I was looking at midgets, but…" _

"_James, please, just tell me what the hell…" I quickly looked over at Bella and whispered, "Just tell me, damn it." _

"_Sorry, sorry. Edward, the last known public picture that was taken of her was at a party on some rapper's yacht. You know like the ones they have after one of those award shows on TV. Well anyway, I checked her credit card statements and most of the stuff was normal, but then she stopped using her credit card about eight months ago. After that, her trail went cold." _

_I pulled open my laptop and started taking notes, when Bella's sudden movements made me realize that she had woken up. _

_I quickly pulled up a work graph and minimized my email. I tried to get up but she forced me to stay where I was, but not before I stole a quick kiss from her. Bella smiled and told me to work, so I pulled her into another kiss and watched her leave the room. _

"_What the fuck do you mean the trail went cold?" I pulled up my email and sent Jenks a message to call me. "How does a socialite, with a highly-connected family, just vanish? What about her parents? Do they know where she is?" _

"_I put in a few calls, but they haven't given me anything to go on. But listen, I am going to work on it. I even emailed Jenks to let him know that I wanted to help. Don't worry, Edward, I'll find her. You know what a great tracker I am."_

_I bent over and rubbed my hand over my face. "Yeah, James, I know." _

"_Edward, listen-about Vegas, man, I just didn't realize that I crossed a line, you know? I just thought I was doing you a favor." _

_I let out a deep sigh and just shook my head. "Well, you weren't doing me any favors, James. All you did was lead me into a game of Russian roulette and had me wasted out of my mind so I couldn't make a rational decision!" I snapped. _

"_I know, man, I'm sorry." I heard remorse in his tone. _

"_Listen, I'm not ready to talk about this. I have to go. Give me an update when you can." I ended the call and dropped the phone on the bed. I fisted my hands in my pockets and just shook my head out of frustration. _

_This wasn't James's fault, neither was it Victoria's. Sadly, it was totally mine. _

I wish there were an easier way, but I had to tell Bella the truth. She blamed herself for so many things that had nothing to do with her. She had no clue of just how close I came to really fucking up our marriage all on my own. Tanya wasn't entirely my fault, but I should've thrown her out and slammed the door the minute she suggested staying to help out that night. When it came to Vegas, however, that mistake was entirely my fault and mine alone.

The one thing I had learned was that if I had been a better husband, and if I had been more approachable, Bella wouldn't have wanted to run; she would have wanted to stay and talk it out.

It was _that_ very point that drove me crazy. Our entire marriage was one big hesitation on her part. I didn't know for sure but I couldn't help it; I felt that every major step in our relationship from dating to getting married had been initiated by me.

We were both so fucking broken. We both had made so many fucking mistakes. Our desperate desire to be with each other had made us feel that getting married would solve all our problems and that the marriage itself would require no real effort. But we were so wrong. We were so busy and caught up in being married, and saying that we were a happy couple, that we never realized how much work it really took to make what we had strong. The instability between us was always there. Even when we didn't notice it on the outside, there were live tremors beneath the surface. Tanya just happened to be in the right place, at the right time, and applied that critical dose of pressure that ultimately set into motion the events that finally fractured our marriage.

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair and decided to go and find Bella. I needed to hold and kiss her; it was the only thing I could do to reassure myself that she was really there and this wasn't all an illusion.

When I rounded the corner of Bella's penthouse and heard Jacob's heated exchange with Bella, my blood was boiling to erupting levels. I wanted to rip the bastard's head off for blatantly admitting that his main concern was keeping Bella from me; that knew what he was doing all along. It wasn't in Bella's best interest.

It took every single ounce of control I possessed not to run in there and bash his brains in. Yeah, I was that fucking mad. Bella tried to calm me, and I almost did fucking back down. But when the son of a bitch started his insane rhetoric about me cheating-something _he_ knew nothing about; I let him know that he could still continue his walk down fairy-fucking-tale alley because _my _girl, _my _Bella, still was with me at the end of the day.

I knew I had to hold back my temper. If I lost it, it would only make everything worse. Well, even worse than things already were. When she let it slip that Jacob and Leah had drugged her all that time, an anger that I hadn't thought existed raced through me. My control snapped and I lunged at the son of a bitch. His hate for me was one I could live with, but his betrayal-of Bella-drove me over the edge.

I knew I was borderline insane in those moments, because honestly I wanted to kill Jacob Black. I wanted to squeeze the life from his body. He hurt my wife; he hurt my Bella. It was one thing to try and steal her from me; if he truly felt he was protecting her, I could let it slide. But he wasn't. Jacob drugged her; she almost fucking overdosed because of their control tactics. She trusted him blindly, even more than me. Jacob was all she had, and he violated the trust she placed in him.

The headstrong and pompous fucker knew he was wrong, because the asshole didn't even try to fight back. If Charlie hadn't walked in and pulled me off Jacob-God, I think I might have seriously killed him.

I was in such a heated rage, that only Bella's cooling touch could bring me back to my senses. As my anger started to subside, my love's broken anguish-filled words tore through me. Her pain at the realization that the two people she trusted more than anyone had played her like a puppet all these years, was Bella's wake-up call.

When Bella finally stood up for herself, I was shocked. It made sense for her to want to finally stand up for herself, but Bella has such a forgiving soul I never thought that she would actually follow through.

It was almost like I could see the rose colored glasses falling off her face, but it was painful to watch as my love finally realized what I had been trying to convince her of all along.

Bella barely made it back to her bedroom. She lay down, and then she launched into the truth behind Aro and who he really was. The situation was more insane than I ever thought it could be. But it all started to make sense, from the bomb blast that killed Bella's mom to Aro's protective nature over his granddaughter. But with the truth came the stark realization that I almost lost the love of my life because of some fucked-up vendetta, not to mention that Bella and I had lost our child because someone wanted to hurt us and wanted our baby dead.

Even then I couldn't believe it, and like an asshole, I punished her. I asked her if some messed up mob drama was the reason we lost our baby. If it was the reason I almost lost her. I could see the pain in her eyes, and it sobered me up right away. I held her and told her it wasn't her fault. I prayed she believed me.

Bella kept saying she was sorry, so sorry. I wanted her to stop and realize that there was nothing to be sorry about, but then she started saying she would try to give me _babies_, that there would be _more babies_. It broke my heart; it made me sick to see the depth to which Bella took the blame of what happened.

The guilt clouded my mind. It wasn't her fault. I wanted to soothe her and kiss her fears away. I wanted to shake the notion from her, but every word out of Bella went back to her wishing she hadn't left. Neither she, nor I, knew that if she had stayed, things would have been any different. So I tried to comfort Bella and tell her that we both had made mistakes.

I didn't know if I should start from the beginning-from my realization of how I failed her with the handling of the whole _Tanya_ situation-but somehow my anxiety level spiked when I started to jumble out words about the _other_ situation. I started to stutter and ramble; I suddenly needed to pace. But all through it, I was focused and determined to try and tell her the truth. I hoped I would have been able to spit it out.

Then before I started my tale of utter stupidity and humiliation, she blindsided me. She told me she forgave me and whipped out a picture of me drunk off on my ass with Victoria. I didn't know how she got it, or how long she must have had it. The only thing I knew was that I wanted nothing more than to kill my sister.

_Oh God!_

Bella's confession of her conversation with Alice floored me. I crumpled the picture, knowing it was the only irritation I could display, because any other would involve the throwing of things. I didn't know what to do first, leave to go kill Alice or stay and dig myself out of this obvious ditch I was in. My choice was of course the latter. I wanted to explain and I wanted her to hear me out; and just when I was preparing myself for a difficult conversation, Bella unloaded her _feelings_ on what I had done. Again.

All I had wanted was a little bit of faith, but apparently that was too much to ask.


	25. Chapt22Pt 2 Finding Comfort in the Truth

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Twenty Two Part Two

Finding Comfort in the Truth

"_Edward, I know you slept with Victoria Newman." _

"Is that what Alice told you?" I clenched my jaw and tried to retain control over my anger. I watched Bella take a step back and slowly shake her head.

"No, I just..." she trailed off. I turned and walked toward her.

"You what? Felt the need to accuse me of cheating, again? I mean, since it is obvious that a man has _needs_?" I watched Bella's expression harden at the choice of words I had made.

_Yeah, I remember every word you said to me that horrific morning._

"Edward, if you are upset at my assumption, then tell me what that picture means?" She gestured to the crumpled mess in my hand. I looked down at it and held it out to her.

"This?" I showed her the ball of paper, "is not what it looks like. And I fully intend on telling you the whole truth about it, but you are not going to like what I have to say about it." Bella watched me intently for a moment. We were so close, and I was so tempted to reach out and pull her toward me and into my arms.

Just as I had begun to wonder how Bella felt about making out while trying to hash it all out, she moved to sit on the side of the bed. She gestured for me to sit down on the sofa chair across from her. It didn't escape my notice that she wanted me to sit far away from her.

I ran my hand through my hair and sat down.

"Just tell me, Edward. Please, just tell me everything. I want to know about everything. I can't live like this; I need to know the truth. I want to know it all," she whispered as she looked down and pulled at a frayed edge of her throw pillow.

"No secrets?" I whispered, as I watched her face.

Her eyes quickly darted up to meet mine, and she swallowed hard before she said, "No secrets."

"Four years ago, the day you left me, Jacob was supposed to leave on vacation for a few weeks. If everything had gone the way it was supposed to, then you would have met your replacement bodyguard, James Ayers."

"What does James have to do with anything?" she whispered.

I felt a slight pain in my stomach as I replied. "He's had a lot to do with who I became over these last four years."

I chanced a glance at her, and she shifted back onto the bed and tucked her legs under herself, as she nodded for me to continue.

"The day you left, I was fuming. I couldn't believe you would accuse me of something like cheating. I mean, when Tanya pulled that stunt of kissing me, I wanted to throw Tanya out, Bella, I swear I did. It all just didn't seem like anything when it happened. She slipped up; I freaked out. I started to call the cab. I was getting ready to throw her out when she literally threw up on me. I was drenched with it. I dragged her to the guest room and left her there. I went quickly to clean myself up and grab some of your old clothes so she could change and get out. I had the number of the cab company on my phone in my hand. By the time I got back, she had slipped out of her clothes and under the covers on the guestroom bed. I realized I was reeking and decided to take a shower."

"Edward, I told you I believe you, so you don't…" Bella's voice quivered a little. I knew it was hard for her to hear all of the details, but she had to know everything nevertheless. It was the only way I could explain to her, to maybe help her understand my own actions.

"I know you believe me, but you have to know everything. I want to tell you everything, but first, I have to tell you about that night. Please, just let me say this."

I watched as her eyes glistened, but she remained quiet. I let out a huge breath.

"I had picked up Tanya's clothes before I left the room, because I knew I was going to wash my own clothes and thought to pick up hers as well. I had them with me when I got into our room. I didn't realize what I was doing, so I just threw them with my own clothes on the floor near the bedroom door. I shut the door, but I didn't think to lock it. I walked naked and all alone into our master bathroom. I stepped into a hot shower and lathered myself up and thought about how you were going to laugh your ass off when I told you that some chick threw up on me. I was going to tell you all about Tanya, and everything. I had never hidden anything from you, and I wasn't going to start that night."

I continued to talk and watched Bella as she bit her lower lip; I could only imagine the anguish she must be feeling as she listened about the night that destroyed us. "I thought I heard something; I didn't realize until later it must have been you ringing the doorbell. I tried to listen for it again, but when I didn't hear anything, I continued my shower. When I was finished, I stepped out, wrapped the towel around myself, and went into the bedroom. The bed didn't look different, it was still semi-made. I saw the clothes on floor but directly below the bed; it just didn't sit well with me and realized I had to get them out because I hated her clothes in _our_ room. I grabbed the pile to put it in the wash. When I turned around and saw the front door open, I didn't know what to think. I was sure that l was going to be an unwilling witness to Tanya jumping around outside, but when I didn't see anyone, I just shut the door. That is when I saw your luggage."

I slowly walked over and kneeled down at the side of the bed. I reached out an open-palmed hand toward her. Bella had her eyes closed tightly. She held onto the pillow in front of her with tight fists. The expression on her face told me that she was replaying everything in her mind. My heart hurt so much that I wanted nothing more than to reach over and pull her to me. But I stayed still and waited for her to allow me to touch her. When she never reached out, and didn't move, I reluctantly continued.

"You have no idea how much I wish I could go back to that morning when you were upset. I wish I hadn't let my anger get to me. I wish I had realized that there was no rational reason that you would come home and make up something like that. Bella, I _should_'ve put my anger aside and believed you. I mean, I still wish you would have given me the benefit of the doubt. I swear I never slept with Tanya. But that doesn't mean that what you saw wasn't true either."

Bella broke down, and her sobs slammed my eardrums. "I saw her naked, Edward. I saw her…I'm not insane. I'm not crazy. She was there on the bed. The covers were half off, and she was naked. She was there. You were in the shower."

The emotion in her voice was thick, and I quickly got up onto the bed to reach for her. She buried her head into my chest as I held her close. Leaning down, I kissed her hair and rocked with her as she sobbed quietly. I could feel my own emotions rising but managed to stay in control. We had a long way to go, and I needed to remain calm, but right now I needed her to hear what I wished I would have said all those years ago.

"I haven't been the best husband to you; frankly, I haven't been much of a husband at all." I pulled back and gently held her face in my hands. "I should have believed you. I should have come after you the second you left. Damn it, I should never have let you go. I didn't fight for you then; and I sure as hell haven't fought for you now. I didn't fight for us. I almost lost you-I'm so fucking stupid, Bella."

I watched her closely; her eyes glistened with unshed tears. They sparkled in the dimly-lit room and, as she closed her lids, the tears escaped and flowed down her heated cheeks. As my eyes fell to her trembling lips, I had to hold back the urge to lean in and kiss her. I didn't move back-I wanted to stay close to her-so I stood still, watching her. Bella slowly opened her eyes, and we just stared at each other.

I watched her unhurriedly bite her lower lip and brushed my thumb against it quickly. I heard her breathing hitch, and she quickly pushed against my chest. Reluctantly, I stepped back away from her. As much as I wanted to pull her up in my arms and kiss her with wild abandon, I knew she wasn't ready.

Bella looked past me and walked to the window that was glimmering with the lights of the city below. She walked to it and stared outside with her back toward me.

"Vegas, Edward. Tell me what happened in Vegas." Bella's voice was somber and soft. I ran my hands through my hair and sat on the chair near the bed.

"After you stormed out with Jacob, there was a knock at the door."

When James Ayers knocked on our door, I remember racing to the door wondering if Bella had finally come to her senses. I pulled open the door only to find a tall, blonde, burly-looking man standing with a stern look on his face.

"_Mr. Cullen?" _

"_I'm not in the mood for any damn questions. You have some nerve coming up to my door." _

"_Damn paparazzi," _I mumbled as I went to shut the door.

"_Excuse me, Sir! I think you have the wrong idea. I was told to come here today and meet Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen. I am set to take over Jacob Black's position until he gets back from vacation." _

It didn't take long for me to piece it all together and realize why this guy was here. I wasn't in the mood to deal with that shit, so I sent him on his way, but not before he handed me his card.

"_Mr. Cullen, I am sure this is all just a simple misunderstanding. Regardless, if you need my services in the future, please, do not hesitate to call." _

I didn't even know what I did with his business card. Before then, I wasn't much bothered by the press's constant snooping. Bella and I had always needed more security going out together. Personally, I preferred Bella to have someone with her all the time; I didn't know what was out there. Jacob always handled everything when it came to the details. However, when Bella left and our little argument was caught on video, it started a media shit-storm.

One night after meeting a client over dinner, I was waiting for the valet to pull my car around when an overzealous paparazzo kept hounding me non-stop. When he started making assumptions about the female client I had been working with, I almost punched the fucker in the face. But that was when James showed up and managed to get the asshole off my back.

A friendship began that night, which eventually got James Ayers on my payroll.

"James was always there-not only as my bodyguard but as a friend. I had all but ostracized my family after you left. It was embarrassing not knowing what was going on between us. I tried to act like you were just gone to blow off some steam, like it was nothing that you had stormed out. I guess I wanted to believe that things really weren't as bad as I thought they were. I spoke to Tanya about that night. She was so adamant that she hadn't left the guest room. Iguess I just wanted to believe that it was nothing; I don't know why everything was so insane back then. I was trying to cover all bases. I started to freak out when I finally realized that you had cut off all contact and were _really_ gone." I chanced a glance up at Bella, but she stood straight as a board and listened.

"I was pissed. I'm not going to lie. You accused me of unfaithfulness and left. You didn't believe me, you didn't have faith in me as your husband, and it tore me to shreds. It still does." Bella's head shot around and looked at me. I gazed at her soft eyes that were filled with remorse. I could see the tears start to gather, but she quickly blinked them away and turned around to stare outside of the window.

"When everyone realized your cell number was disconnected, that is when they started hounding me. Mom and Alice were the worst with their nagging and constant phone calls. I told them to back off and give us space; I didn't want to bring them in. I just wanted privacy. I didn't even really know what the fuck had caused you to react the way you did."

I let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Dad, Rose, and Jasper knew when to back off, but Emmett, he was sure I had royally fucked up. Every moment we were together working or chatting about business, he would just stop and stare at me with this knowing look. Then one day, Emmett calls and says he has to take care of something. Didn't really tell us where or why, he just left in the middle of the night. I had James and Jenks look into the flight details and found out that he had gone to Italy. It wasn't hard to deduce that he had gone to see you. A part of me was pissed and the other was elated. I wanted to be the one who got the fucking phone call; I mean, I was your husband. When I calmed down a bit, I was sure he had gone to talk with you, maybe even bring you home. Emmett and you had always had a close relationship, so I didn't doubt for one minute that you were coming back with him. So, when he popped back home one night when I was working some contracts with Rose and Jasper, I was sure he was going to tell me some news about you and when you were coming home."

I quickly stood up when the emotions of that day came back. I walked toward Bella and stopped behind her. I looked over her head and stared out at the city with her.

"He came back and beat the shit out of me. I don't mean tip-toeing around and taking small pot shots. I mean full on '_Float like butterfly and sting like a bee,'_ kind of beating. He was in this heated rage, the likes of which I had never seen before. He kicked my ass, big time. If Jasper and Rose hadn't been there, I think he would've killed me. I'd had many fights with my brother, but I had never ever seen Emmett enraged like that before. It was obvious something really big had gone down. He broke down and became this blubbering mess and held onto Rose tightly. He kept saying all sorts of things and about how he would never fail her. It fucking scared the shit out of me, and it woke me up that this wasn't some _Alice in Wonderland_-or people smoking hookah-kind of nightmare, where everything was all smoke and mirrors until the effect wore off and people returned to normal. I realized I was _really _losing you. So, I called Jenks and Ayers that night and had them set everything up so I could find you."

I reached out and put my hands on both sides of her, encasing her between me and the window sill. I leaned in close, rested my forehead on the base of her neck and spoke softly.

"I knew from the credit cards and bank accounts that you had stopped using our joint accounts. It was obvious that in a crisis you wouldn't have gone to Charlie; you would have gone to Aro. So after tying up all those loose ends and taking a necessary leave of absence, I flew with James to Italy. I remember when James and I showed up at Aro's estate and he wouldn't even see me. It was the first time that I had felt his wrath. Finally when we got in to see Aro, he was arrogant and gave me the run around. He kept saying that _you_ and _Jacob _were looking for some time away from this whole mess. He kept insinuating that _you_ wanted to move on and out of my life. That _I _needed to take the fucking hint and let you be happy. I wanted to rip his head off, especially when he kept repeating that he never should have let you marry me. That it was his great _friendship _with Carlisle that made him take a blind eye to my 'playboy_' _ways. After two days of being given the run around, I decided to stay in Italy for a few more days and have Jenks and James track you down. We got nowhere."

Bella slowly turned and stared up into my eyes. Her tears were flowing down her cheeks. When I reached up to her face, she quickly shook her head and reached up, wiping them away.

"I need some water, would you like some?" she asked over her shoulder as she walked to the dresser where a glass pitcher of water stood. As she started to raise the glass to her mouth, she stopped suddenly. Bella eyed the glass and the water quickly. Her eyes darted from the pitcher to the glass and back again. Quickly she grabbed the pitcher and glass and went to the bathroom and moments later she returned with both empty. As she met my confused stare, she shrugged and whispered, "I'm not sure, but they could've put something in it."

I watched her lean down and grab two bottled waters from the mini-fridge, walk over to me and hand me one. I stared at the bottle and back at her. When the light bulb went on, I slammed the bottle on the side table and pulled her into my arms.

"Baby, I am so sorry."

Bella pulled back and shook her head. This, Edward, is not your fault, and it isn't mine. _This_," she gestured toward the bottled water, "is just some insane bullshit that I have to get to the bottom of. Now please, continue."

I nodded and pulled her to the chair with me. She sat on my lap, resting her head on my shoulder with her feet dangling off the chair.

"On the plane ride home, I was a mess. I tried to reel it in but failed. James, who had no fucking clue what we meant to each other, kept trying to tell me that maybe I should listen to Aro. That maybe you truly wanted to move on. I told him to shut the fuck up and that he didn't know anything. I hate to say it, but I think a part of me was scared that it might be true."

I took a deep breath and held Bella closer to me. "I was so fucking upset and confused. I was angry that Emmett knew shit and I didn't. I was scared and alone. So, I wrote to you, praying you would read my words and that they would bring you home to me. I was so mentally exhausted. Mom kept calling, wanting to see me. She wanted to know what was going on. When I went to a family gathering-that I was told I had to attend- t ended up being a fucking intervention. Mom and Alice kept on me about what had happened. I couldn't say much, because honestly, I didn't even know where to begin. So I deflected. I lashed out and pulled the 'get out of our lives,_'_ card. I played on their insecurities, that maybe you were right to leave because maybe they hounded you, the way that I was being hounded then. I threw out that it was none of their fucking business. Esme said she was shocked by my behavior and that she was sure that you would never speak to her that way. So, in my anger I snapped and remarked that '_if I knew where she was then maybe we could all go and ask her together._' Emmett, who had just walked in, snapped that if I had been a more attentive husband then maybe I would've known your location. That comment slapped me hard. I had no idea where you were."

Bella took a long breath and ran a hand over my jaw softly. I tried to find comfort in her touch and focused to steady my own emotions. She started to slowly stroke my neck and settled her hands on my chest. I slowly lifted her fingers and pulled her palm open, so I could kiss it. I leaned back in the chair, feeling the electric humming resonate between us.

"You didn't call. You didn't email. You didn't respond to a single letter. I was furious and I wanted to hurt you even more than you hurt me. So, I turned on the damn charm, and I started making more public outings. I never crossed a line with anyone but made sure to be more open and smiled more for the cameras. Every party, club opening, I mean, every single invitation I got, I tried to attcept I kept telling myself I was trying to elicit some reaction from you. You had fallen off the face of the earth; I wanted to draw you out. I was so mad; I didn't know if anyone had tried to get in contact with my family. But I didn't want them involved. So I forbade the family from getting into this mess. I knew how much they meant to you, but I felt so alone. I needed some control in this fucked up situation. You had your family- Jacob and Aro- to do your bidding. I felt it was only right to demand loyalty from mine. Mom was the only one who never listened. I know she called Aro once."

Bella sat up quickly. "Esme called asking for me?"

I nodded and watched as she looked down at my shirt, pulling at a thread from one of the buttons.

"I just wondered…I know I didn't call or write or email. I know now that it was Jacob and Uncl—I mean, Aro, that had kept everyone away, but still back then I wondered, you know? I wondered if she had tried to find me…if she missed me." I pulled at her chin and had her look at me.

"Love, of course she missed you. You mean so much to her, you have to know that." She kept her eyes down and refused to meet my gaze. "Bella?"

"I needed her, Edward. I mean, I needed you the most. But I needed Esme too. Everything was so wrong and upside down. I know it's hypocritical. When everything happened in Rome, I just...I just….wanted Mom." She looked up and locked eyes with me. And there on display, without any pretense, was all the hurt, the loneliness, and despair. When she glanced down at my lips, I parted mine. I wanted to kiss her with a frenzied passion and a manic aggression, but I wasn't sure what she was thinking. I hid the disappointment when she pulled back and looked down again. Slowly, she nestled her head back in the crook of my neck. I knew she wanted me to go on.

"I don't know what Aro told her, but I know that afterwards, my mom didn't ask much about our situation. Sometimes, I suspected that maybe she got in contact with you. So on the rare occasion that I spoke to her, I would accuse her and attack her. One time, I was such an ass that Emmett almost knocked me out. Then when I found out that you had moved to New York, I was crushed. I couldn't help it; I was paranoid and suspicious, especially when there were pictures of you at certain public events then. Those pictures killed me when I would see them. You looked amazing and sexy; you looked energized and alive; you looked happy," I whispered softly against her hair. "It hurt that I was a mess, and you were…well, you were fine. It looked as if you were fine without me in your life. I know that it is silly, Bella, childish even. But suddenly things that were impossible for me to ever think would make sense started to do so. I felt as if you really wanted to move on. That maybe Jacob had somehow won you over."

I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breathing. It was still a fresh wound for me. The memories still dealt me a heavy blow. I felt Bella move her lips to my ear.

"There has never been anyone else; and there never will be. It is only you that I love, Edward." She kissed my ear and lay her head back down on my shoulder. I held her around the waist and had a sudden urge to cry. I prayed she would always feel this way; I prayed that it was not too late, especially since I had no idea how to gauge what her reaction would be to Victoria.

"I hit rock bottom. I was so withdrawn from everyone. Work was hard. Meeting with clients was hard. Just living was hard. The worst time was when Alice came back from New York. I couldn't help how I behaved; I had to know if she'd seen you. I think I was borderline insane. I regretted calling her the moment she said that she hadn't spoken to you. It was like I had opened a door to her coming back into my life. So, I quickly pulled back and started to seek solitude within myself again. James Ayers suddenly became the only person I hung out with. While we hardly ever really discussed personal matters before, one night I was working late at the apartment and he was heading out late, so I invited him to have a drink with me. We were friends, but we never really discussed _us; _therefore when he asked me about our marriage, it felt odd. But it was nice to talk about the good times. I just wanted to remember what I was holding onto, even though for all I knew at the time, you were with someone else. He asked me many things that night-from how we met to how amazing our marriage really was. When he went home, I was left with this huge hole in my heart, filled with more pain than I had ever experienced. It was the first night I started thinking of what a future without you would be like."

Bella was still and silent. I rubbed my hand over her wrist, and she whispered that she was "_Okay_."

"Alice was persistent in trying to pull me out again. I had a choppy relationship with Emmett, and work was becoming increasingly difficult to focus on. I knew everyone was coming to the end of their tether with me. After l had a total meltdown at work, Jasper tried to reason with me. I told him to fuck off and just mind his own business. I think he spoke to Alice, because before I knew it, she had called me and started to rant about how you and I were driving everyone insane. I don't know how but, without realizing it, I had agreed to go to Las Vegas with Alice."

I took a deep breath and said a silent prayer.

"Victoria Newman was someone Alice and I had met before you and Iwere married. We crossed paths a long time ago, I don't know when exactly, but it was after you and I were married. I knew Victoria was important to Alice's career. She had all the vital contacts and, from her reputation, she was amazing at her job. So when we both met up with her in Vegas, Alice and I were both on our best behavior. We presented the picture-perfect brother and sister relationship. One night after dinner, I was making my way back to my room, after walking Alice back to hers, when the elevator door opened. I was taken by surprise when I heard moaning and heavy breathing from inside. It was odd and freaky, so I tried to walk by quickly. At the same time, the couple from the elevator decided to exit. As they crashed into me, I was pushed against the wall and the lady was sandwiched between me and the man she was with. I was shocked and mortified to find myself staring at a half-naked Victoria and a very sweaty James."

"Oh my God, Edward, are you serious?" Bella sat up, shocked. I nodded. "What did you do?"

"It was so awkward and insane, but I bolted from them. I remember running to my room, and the damn keycard would not work. I yanked on the door handle and struggled with the keycard until it opened. When the lock finally clicked open, I ran inside, slammed the door behind me and bolted it shut."

Bella smiled a little, and I chuckled a little bit, remembering how much fear I had felt when those two tumbled out onto me. We both laughed and tried to hold back the smiles as we thought about the incident. But quickly our laughter died down and we both were sitting close and the uncomfortable silence surrounded us again.

"The next morning, James tried really hard to talk to me about it. But I explained to him that he wasn't on duty. There was no reason to explain anything to me, but l resolutely stressed that when he was on duty, he needed to be vigilant. I made it abundantly clear to him that his personal life was his business. James was adamant that it would not interfere with his work, and he, true to his word, was vigilant and steadfast on the job. Once Victoria found that I wasn't giving her the cold shoulder, she was apologetic and tried to make light of her tryst. I shrugged and said it was no big deal. Before she left my side, she came up close and whispered that maybe I should hang out with them later. At first, I had no intention of doing so, but after Alice went to bed and I was back in my own suite, a knock on my door suddenly brought me to the decision of staying in or going out with them. I was going to say no. But then….."

I trailed off, not sure how to go on. I cradled my face in my hand and felt Bella reach up to pull it away. "But then, what?"

I could see the serious look in her eyes. So I nodded and continued.

"But then he made some remark about there being no sense in sitting inside waiting for someone who wasn't waiting around for me." My voice cracked a little. "I don't know why it just struck a nerve that night. So, I decided to go out with them. We headed out on The Strip and ended up at some of the VIP clubs, I can't even tell you which ones now. They were loud with flickering lights. It was uncomfortable and just really made me feel like I was out of my element. But then James handed me a drink as we sat back. Nothing happened-I just got lost in the flow of the night and I started to feel comfortable. The entire club was alive with moving bodies and people, free and dancing. After I finished my drink, I looked over at James to ask when we were leaving, and I realized that he and Victoria had started making out. They caught me off guard, and I couldn't help but stare. The lust that was resonating off them was intoxicating. They were lost in the moment. Suddenly Victoria looked over at me and instead of shock at me watching them, she smiled and pulled James into an open-mouthed kiss but kept her eyes on me. I wanted to pull my eyes away. I knew it was wrong, but for some reason I just couldn't. Somehow, I managed to get myself up and go to the bathroom. I washed my face with cold water, and when I went back, they were ready to leave. Thankfully Victoria never said a word about me watching, and I was so relieved to get back to my own room. When I woke up the next morning, I felt sick as I remembered the events of the night before. I knew it was like playing with fire. I had one more day before Alice and I were due to go back to Los Angeles. I tried to make the most of my stay but avoided Victoria. I saw her the last day at the photo shoot with Alice. Since there was little she could do to me, especially with Alice there, I made nice and acted totally cool. After the shoot wrapped that day, Alice and I left and we both went back to Los Angeles."

"Alice said Victoria made you laugh, Edward. That you seemed carefree, different," Bella whispered.

"I wasn't happy and carefree, Bella, I was torn and depressed. But I am not going to lie-being with Alice, and watching her on the shoot, it gave me a great sense of pride. While Alice worked and I sat back and watched, Victoria and I did hang out. But every conversation was about Alice or about…you."

I watched Bella frown. "You spoke about me? What did you say?"

"Alice organized a shoot once and the model looked very much like you. I didn't notice until Victoria pointed it out; she never asked where you were, or why you weren't with me. Victoria just assumed we were apart and didn't make a big deal of it. But she made me feel normal, Bella. She made the dysfunction in our relationship seem normal. I didn't get the pitied look or the sly questions. It was the first time in long time I felt at ease with _us_ being apart."

Bella quickly got up and turned to face me, with her arms crossed around herself. "So how did you wind up in Vegas with James and Victoria again? Alice said she didn't know you all kept in touch, until she saw that news report. I mean you left and you said you knew she was weird, so then, why would you go back there with them?"

I ran my hands over my face. This was it, the big asshole decision that I had wanted to avoid talking about.

"It was about…a few weeks before the gala in Chicago. After I got done with a major account, I had a free weekend on my hands. James and I were playing pool after work, when somehow we decided that a nice guys only weekend was in dire need. Hitting the tables at the casinos and relaxing at the pool sounded particularly enticing. I was so stressed, just so fucking stressed. I decided to go and have a good time. When we got there, I checked us into a suite with two rooms. I don't know, Bella; it was nice to have a guys weekend. Emmett and Jasper were both so high strung, and every look they pointed in my direction was always accusing. It was the same look you gave me when you slapped me and left. I just…needed a release from everything. Everything was great until that night. After dinner, we got a knock at the door and when James opened it, in walked Victoria. I didn't know she was going to be there, and James promised me that it wasn't pre-arranged. But thinking back to it now, how could she have even known our hotel room number? I'm almost confident that he did tell her that we would be in Vegas. Against my better judgment, I let her stay in our suite with James."

I saw Bella visibly stiffen. I wanted to stop. I wanted to just hold her and tell her we would be okay. But I couldn't; I needed to finish this. I cleared my throat and I slowly stood, facing her.

"The insanity of that weekend began almost immediately. First, I got shit-faced and ended up confessing that you had left me because you thought I had cheated. Then when I started asking their advice on how to get you back, the questions as to why I was still holding on came fast and furiously. I told them, Bella, I told them why. But when Victoria offered her theory, it fucked with my mind. She started saying that Jacob must have meant more to you, than I did. That maybe you just wanted a reason to leave and were just too scared to initiate it."

Bella turned her back to me and slowly walked to the dresser across from us. I closed my eyes and kept talking.

"Bella, I know it's insane considering what we have, but at the time it made fucking sense. She kept saying that I couldn't compete with history. That a boy, who fucking climbed in your window at night and hung out in your bed, possessed too much fucking history for anyone to compete with. God help me, I didn't want to believe it, but at that moment I did. I was standing on a fucking cliff of despair, and for the first time since you left, I wanted it to end; I wanted the fucking pain to go away. So I jumped."

She let out a sob and her shoulders started to shake; Bella reached out and held onto the top of the dresser. I slowly took a step toward her and steadied my voice.

"I started thinking I was being selfish. That it was useless. You were done with me. So why was I holding on? I t had been so long Bella, I didn't know at the time that you were going to come back. The gala in Chicago was a little less than a month away; you hadn't attended them in so long. I didn't know that my parents had sent you a message saying they needed to see you. I wasn't letting go, right? I wasn't moving on? So, when James mentioned that the best way to try and move on was starting with a brand new slate, I didn't see the point in waiting anymore."

"Edward, no. Please, no." Bella sobbed. I clenched my jaw and held my emotions together.

"I decided to go and file for divorce." The pain flew through me when I said it out loud. "It was supposed to be easy. I would file and they would do all the work. If you didn't reply, I could go before a judge and simply have him sign off on it. I mean, it was better than sitting around and knowing that your wife didn't love you anymore."

Bella's shoulders trembled, and I almost reached out to touch her. I stopped myself, knowing I needed to get it all out.

"Thankfully, I found out that I needed to be a resident of Nevada for at least six weeks before I could legally file for divorce. When I found out that I had to wait or file back in Los Angeles with Jasper, I was relieved. Bella, I never stopped loving you. It dawned on me then that we could divorce and never see each other again, but my heart would still belong to you."

I saw Bella quickly wipe away her tears but she stood still.

"Along with the relief, there was still pain. It hurt knowing that I was stuck, that I was reduced to loving you from afar. It hurt so bad, that I let James and Victoria distract me. I gambled a lot. I drank a lot. I went out to clubs a lot. I wanted to do anything to just blend in with the crowd. One night while James and Victoria were doing their nightly make-out session on the dance floor, some girls came over and struck up a conversation. I wanted them to go away, but they wouldn't get the hint. Suddenly Victoria landed on my lap and cussed the girls out. They got the hint and took off. When I asked her to get off, she handed me the extra drink in her hand and made some fucking toast about 'living it up.' I was an idiot and I drank it all up. I didn't know if it was because I had already had so much to drink, but the effects of that drink just overtook me. Everything got foggy and crazy. The music blurred and the people and their dancing slowed down. I was so hot and thirsty that I needed a fucking glass of water. My head started to spin."

I reached out and put my hands on her waist and held her tightly as she cried. She turned to stare at me with her hurt-filled eyes. There was no tenderness, nor was there any faith left in them. I slowly dropped to my knees and pressed my face against her stomach.

"When I tried to focus my mind, suddenly the music stopped and the fog started to clear and then, I saw you. You were standing there among the throngs of people with a bottle of water, you walked to me slowly, and it was like you were floating on air. You straddled me and leaned down to kiss me but instead of your lips pressing against mine, it was the cool mouth of a bottle. I opened my eyes and you were pouring water down for me to drink. I didn't know how you found me or why you were back but I was so fucking thankful at that moment. Somehow we ended up back in the suite, and you were pulling away. I held on tighter. You pulled away, and I didn't want to let go. So, I chased you around the suite as you laughed. But your laugh was off. I called out to you to stop running and to just be with me. Suddenly, it got blurry, and my head was pounding and throbbing. I reached for you again, but you slipped through my fingers. I tripped and fell, and then I heard James laugh and_ 'Come on, man, we got to get you to the couch to sit down_.' I called out for you to come back to me. And when a figure passed me by, I thought it was you and I grabbed a hold of your wrist and pulled you to me. But the second I got you in my lap, I realized it wasn't you. The smell was off, the weight was off, I mean, it all was off. I focused as hard as I could and I realized that Victoria was in my lap laughing while James was behind her undoing her dress. I sat up and freaked out. I didn't know what the hell was happening. She ran her hands over my chest and started to undo my shirt, and I froze. I wanted you back; I wasn't prepared for you to go, to vanish again. Instead of stopping her, I tried to go back in my haze. But it wasn't working. She still wasn't you. Before I knew it, I had a moment of clarity and my common sense kicked in. I stood up and threw Victoria on her ass with James trying to catch her. I kept babbling; I know I was trying to shake the fog. Somewhere in the background, I heard James chuckle and say, _'It's okay, Edward, I don't mind sharing for the night.'"_

I felt Bella quickly reach down and hold my head in her hands and stroke her fingers through my hair. "Oh my God, Edward, what did they do to you?"

"The whole night didn't come back to me until later, and when it did, I realized just how fucked up I was. I don't know how, Bella, but I climbed over the side of the sofa, crawled into my room and slammed the door, locking it. I was so groggy. I tried to wake up by going into the bathroom and splashing my face with cold water. It still wasn't working so I tried to throw up, and when I started, I couldn't stop. I kept hearing James pounding on my door; finally, I think he broke it in because he was in the bathroom with me. He apologized. He started saying that he had fucked up. It was fucking Ecstasy, Bella, or something like it. He and Victoria had been taking something to keep them going all night. I guess one of the drinks she gave me must have been laced with it. I don't know how or why, but I reacted badly to it. I couldn't take it; I told them to get the fuck out-and find another hotel room because they were not staying with me that night. James kept saying he was sorry. But I was done. I had made some really bad decisions but I was never okay with taking Ecstasy."

I pulled back and looked up at her. I needed her to read my eyes when I confessed.

"Bella, I know I fucked up. I shouldn't have even let that woman near me, especially after everything that happened with Tanya. I wasn't trying to be _seen_ with her; I wasn't trying to hurt you. It had been close to four fucking years, baby, I just wanted the pain to go away. But, I swear to God, I never slept with Victoria. Since the moment I met you, it has only been you. I swear. That picture from the club, I don't even remember it being taken. I was so fucking wasted. After that night, the next morning we were scheduled to take a charter flight back to Los Angeles. I was sick as a dog but I just wanted to get home. I just expected them both to take a fucking hint that we were a done deal. James met me as I left my room and followed me to check out. Victoria caught me in the lobby; she begged me to listen that she wanted to explain and say that she was sorry. I tried to tell her to get away but it was too public. I brushed it off and made my way to the door, but the damn paparazzi, they were everywhere. They were impossible to dodge, so we all had to make a smooth exit, together. I answered the damn questions the best I could and kept saying 'no comment.' But Victoria kept close, so when we go into the car, I set both Victoria and James straight. I never wanted to see her again. And James was fired, effective immediately. I took the charter flight home and had the car drop James and Victoria off at the main terminal so they could make their own way home."

"There was a news report…the video of you and Victoria leaving the hotel in Vegas. Seeing you with her made me call Aro and tell him to get me lawyer. It was the straw that broke the camel's back for me," she whispered. The statement washed through me. My moment of clarity, that the love I held for my wife would never end, as the very same moment that made my beloved want to end everything between us-permanently.

Bella slowly whispered, "What about Chicago? I know she met you in the stairwell, Edward? Why the whole act? Why not tell me then?"

I let out a deep breath. "She texted me that morning and asked to meet. I wasn't going to go, but when she said she was going to be at magazine photo shoot, I went."

"What did she want?"

"She asked me if the rumors were true, that you were back. I told her it was none of her business, and that I didn't want her anywhere near the damn photo shoot. She kept saying that she didn't understand my hostility and that she just wanted to be _friends_. That she and James were just fooling around. I told her I didn't really care what the hell they meant and that I didn't want _friends_ like that. I just didn't want her around me ever." I covered my face with my hands. "She threatened me. Told me that James had captured some video of that night on her phone; she said she knew from the grapevine that this photo shoot meant more than just publicity for Alice. She said that the video could burn me, destroy what was left of my marriage and hurt my whole family. I was furious and told her to go fuck herself and that if she dared to threaten me again I would take everything from her-her job, credibility-and I would even sue her."

I looked up at Bella and clutched onto her again.

"When I left her, I got your call to meet up and talk. I was a mess. I was afraid. That's why I just wanted to be near you and I asked you to pretend that we were okay. Do you remember, Bella?" I watched her swallow hard and nod slowly. "When we were in the dressing room, at the photo shoot and she knocked on the door, Ididn't know how to react. When you ran out, Victoria explained she had backed out of the photo shoot, but at the last minute, when the art director of the shoot was giving you problems, Alice had asked the magazine to send out someone else. Victoria was the only one that didn't have a prior commitment."

Bella just stood still. I didn't know what she was thinking. I knew she was in pain. I wanted to cut off my tongue for having said these hurtful things to her. But I had to own up; I had to tell her the truth.

"The guilt of realizing the mistake I almost made…what I was going to give up and walk away…you have no idea how tortured I felt. I didn't want you to know how close I came to fucking it all up. When I found out you were coming back, I was so happy and at the same time, so scared. I didn't know what you would say when I confessed everything to you. But when you came back and were so determined to leave me-I don't know, Bella. Something inside of me just snapped. I mean, even though we were apart, there still was a chance for us. But if you legally ended our relationship, what the hell would I do? Because, whether I was married to you or not, my heart would always belong to you. My whole life, Bella, my whole reason to exist is because of you."

I felt Bella starting to shake and sob again. Her knees buckled; she dropped onto my lap. I shushed her and held her close. I rocked her in my lap as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I buried my face in her hair and took a deep breath. It was done. All my secrets were out. Bella knew everything. I was so thankful she was still in my arms and that she hadn't bolted from the room. Especially after what had happened with Tanya, I didn't know how she would take my confession about Vegas.

I heard her start to whisper something, and I pulled back a little and brushed her hair off her face. She continued to rock and shake; she continued to mumble under her breath. Something clearly wasn't okay. Bella's eyes were tightly shut, and she held onto my shirt with her tight fists.

"Bella? Bella, talk to me, what's wrong?" I forced her chin up and cupped her face. "Look at me, Bella, look at me please!"

Bella's lower lip trembled and the tears continued to flow. I pulled her back to me and kissed her forehead. "Baby, you are scaring me. Bella, just talk to me please."

"You're still mine…You're still mine…I didn't lose you…I never lost you…You never stopped loving me." I suddenly made out the words she was saying.

"Of course, Bella. My God! Of course ,I still love you. Of course, I am still yours." I pulled back and looked deep into her eyes. "Forever, for always, I am yours. You are my entire life. I love you, Isabella Cullen. From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I was yours. You bewitched me, body and soul. We are going to be okay, Bella. I swear we will. Just let this all go. Let us start again. We can make this work."

Bella looked up at me with her red-rimmed eyes. "Do you really think we can make it, Edward? You don't think it's too late?"

I gazed into her eyes and smiled.

"It won't be easy, my Bella. In life there are obstacles that come at us and as we pass each test, we will grow. Everyone goes through this, especially in marriage. Unfortunately, some grow apart. But if we try hard, I know we can make it. And I know we can, Bella, I have faith in _us_ that we can. I promise you this, love; there is no greater reward than passing each test and growing together."

As I watched Bella nod and start to cry again, I held her close in my arms. I don't know that I ever felt more protective of Bella than I did in that moment. I just hoped she could see my immense love for her as she looked into my eyes. She slowly closed her eyes, blinked and let all the tears drain from her as I cradled her against me. When she opened her eyes again, they glistened with all the love and devotion I had prayed she'd have for me again. Her brown with specs of gold irises shined and called to me once more.

I swear, I saw my paradise in her eyes. The anchor that held me down was suddenly pulled up, and I was free. Slowly and hesitantly, I leaned down to kiss her trembling lips with all the passion and fire that my body possessed.

In that moment, our dormant souls came alive again. Our heartbeats had reunited, as they once again started to beat as one. I knew then that we were going to make it.


	26. chap23 Salacious Sensations and Impassio

**AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Twenty-Three

Salacious Sensations and Impassioned Pleas

"Edward, I need you," I whispered as he held me close. I could see the hesitant look in his eyes as he pulled back, appraising the seriousness of my plea. I held his gaze and let it all show. I unveiled the hurt, the relief, and the desire that I had withheld from him, as well as every bit of dignity that I had held onto this whole time. His confession had liberated me from my fears and self-loathing. I was free.

I loved my husband, and he loved me. It was something I had feared I would never feel again. My mind was reeling; I was dizzy with pure happiness and relief. It was surprising, really. All along, I had told myself that I would never forgive Edward if he had slept with Tanya, yet I was so willing to forgive him if he had slept with Victoria. I had convinced myself that because I had walked away from our marriage without a confrontation or a fight, that he was allowed to cheat. When Edward confessed that the closest he had ever come to touching Victoria was when he chased after a vision of me, his admission lifted a weight of despair from my shoulders I didn't know existed.

Sobs escaped me, and the sudden jerk of weightlessness sent me to Edward's lap.

I was relieved. I was happy. I was loved.

He had never left me. He had always been there. I was stupid and immature to leave him. I was stupid and immature not to stomp into that room and confront the situation. Nevertheless, that was all over.

_Where do we go from here? _

The vacancy that fear and despair had left in me was quickly filled by fire and passion. My dam had burst. There was no stopping or controlling the sensation. It was sudden and fierce. I needed Edward; and I needed him now.

I reached up and tried to kiss him, but Edward pulled back.

"Bella, we have to take it slow, love. I don't want to rush you." My breathing was deep. I kept my eyes locked with his and shook my head quickly. "I want you. God, I want you so badly right now. But, love, I don't think this is right."

My body shook with anxiety.

_Why was I so nervous?_

"No," I whispered as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine, slowly closing his eyes and kissing the tip of my nose.

"Bella, you are my love, my life. Let's just hold each other tonight. I swear tomorrow if you feel the same way, we'll do anything you want then." I felt his breath against my lips, before he leaned down and kissed them softly. "I can feel you tremble; let me soothe your fears away, love. We're one. We're whole."

I clung to his lips as they touched mine and passion erupted within me. I needed to touch him; I needed to be touched. I was desperate and filled with a lust that I feared would never be satiated. I held him tightly and slid my hands around his neck as he tried to pull away.

Edward held my arms firmly and pulled back. He gave me a pleading look, and I knew his resolve was weakening. "Bella, no, baby. I still feel after everything you have been through these last few days, we need to wait."

"No, Edward, I can't. I need to feel you; I can't help it. Everything around me is a lie-my father, Jacob, Leah, Aro, and even my mother." My lips quivered as I frantically spoke with haggard breaths. "Everything has been a lie for so long, Edward. Don't you see? I need to know that we are real. I need to know that we are true. I know I might be totally insane. But I just…I just…."

Before I could finish my sentence, Edward captured my lips with his. This time I knew he wasn't holding back. I felt his fire, his heat, and his passion. It set off a series of pulses through my body that made me feel so thankful I had him again.

He held me close with one hand leafing through my hair, while the other was firmly grasping my waist, pulling me closer. I closed my eyes and hoped that I would lose myself in Edward's soothing caresses.

Suddenly, he pulled back and lifted my chin up to meet his gaze. "Are you sure, Bella, really sure?"

"Yes, Edward, more sure than I have been about anything in my entire life."

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he bent down, slid his arm under my legs, and tightened his hold around my waist, lifting me up with him. Edward kissed me softly as he walked me to my bed. He laid me down, and I scooted far back against the pillows.

We took deep breaths as we stared at each other. I looked down at my blouse and started to undo the buttons one by one. It wasn't that I was shy-I knew that Edward had seen me naked at least twice in Chicago-but everything was different now. When I slid the blouse off my shoulders and let it fall off me, I couldn't help but look away.

"Bella," he whispered as he stepped up with his knees on the bed. He reached out slowly and stroked the side of my face. "Don't hide."

I felt the heated blush rise to the surface, and I knew I was bright red in front of him. "I don't know why, but I don't know how to feel."

"it's okay. It's just us."

"Edward, I don't know what being _just__us_ is anymore." I admitted, so nervous over his reaction.

I felt him kneel closer and kiss my temple softly. "Trust me, Bella. I swear I will cherish you and help you remember."

I tilted my face up and let his soft lips continue their kisses, from my face down to my collarbone. I closed my eyes and let him overtake me. I felt his love in every touch and caress of his fingertips. He slowly unzipped my pants, and I lay back, arching up as he slid them off me. My eyes followed the slow movements of his fingers as she massaged circles into every part of skin that he revealed in the process, slow teasing touches on the arches of my feet, followed by soft and soothing kisses. Edward kept eye contact as he worked his magic fingers all over me; it was almost as if he was trying to reacquaint himself with me.

"Edward?" I breathed deeply as he started to kiss my inner thighs and stroked the edge of my ever-dampening panties.

"Yes, love?" His voice, as always, held a calm tone.

"Edward, you have way too many clothes on, baby." I moaned and arched up as I felt him caress me through my panties.

"Hmm, that, I can definitely take care of." He quickly slid off the bed and unbuttoned his shirt. I bit my lower lip as I watched his chest come into view. I followed the movements of his hands as he undid his belt and slid down his pants along with his boxers. And just like that, he stood there, gloriously naked and sporting a magnificent erection. The "Chippendales" dancers that Alice and Rosalie had ambushed me with the night before my wedding were nothing compared to my man.

The thought shook away all my nerves. I closed my eyes for a moment, tuning out everything else and only holding onto what my body was yearning for. It called out for him and him alone.

I felt no shame, no shyness. I wanted him; I wanted him badly. All thoughts of anger and fear were suddenly gone. He was faithful. He loved me. He had never betrayed me. My heart felt light when I realized that I deserved him.

I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh as Edward leaned down, and I felt the bare flesh of his torso. It was torture, but it was the most insane and pleasurable kind of torture. I tensed when I was taken aback by a soothing sensation. Edward pulled a moan out of me with his soft but firm kissing and licking. He crawled his way up my body, and I watched him with ecstasy in my eyes.

The dim light from the bathroom was creating shadows over his shoulders and chest. The sheen from our heated make-out session was visible on Edward's body, and he shimmered. He was my sunshine. He was my bright light. I could lie back like this forever, basking in the warmth of his gaze, alive with the immersurable power of his love. I felt him sit up on his arms and slowly start to stroke my sensitive skin again.

"God, how I love you like this, Bella." I heard him whisper. I tried to reach out and touch him, but the commanding tone in his voice made me keep my hands still. "Baby, don't move a muscle."

I closed my eyes and just let myself go.

I promised him complete surrender.

He kissed my thighs, slipped his thumbs under the band of my panties, and slid them down slowly, kKissing and licking the path down my legs.

Edward sat back and slid my legs onto his shoulders. He massaged and kissed my ankles as let his fingers slide their way toward my aching center.

I couldn't help but rub my nipples and moan out as he continued his tortuous strokes.

I was almost ashamed at how wantonly I was behaving. But when he touched me this way, I had no control over my senses. My breathing hitched when I realized he was watching me with an amazed smirk. I could feel my heated blush rise throughout my body. All it took was a simple brush of his fingertips against my sex for Edward to set a burst of fire through me, and I swear my body was about to burst into flames. Not being able to resist any longer, I reached out and scraped my fingernails down his shoulders toward his perfectly sculpted chest.

I felt him shiver under my touch, and his hand tightened its hold on one of my thighs, as his fingers curledinside me. I arched my back and cried out in pleasure. "Edward, it feels so good-please don't stop."

He pulled me up to him quickly and kissed me hard. I heard a soft growl emit from his chest, and my skin came alive, covering with goose bumps. I felt his fingers wrap around my wrists and raise them over my head. He kissed me softly, as he lay still against me and watched me. Even after all the times that Edward had seen me naked, I couldn't help feeling somewhat self-conscious when I caught the predatory look in his eyes.

"I love your blush, Bella." Edward leaned in and captured my lower lip with his. A fever raced through me as his lips touched mine, and I was melting into him. His fingers filtered through my hair, and he pulled me to him. He leaned back and pulled me on top of him, never breaking the kiss. My hair was loose, and it cascaded over my shoulders as I straddled him. My breasts were pressed to his hard chest as Edward's erection pressed against my thighs and twitched between us. In between Edward's dominating kisses, I slowly slipped my hands over his velvet-wrapped steel and stroked him slowly.

"Bella." He moaned as I smiled against his mouth. I could feel the hunger in his body as he held me close by my shoulders and pressed me harder against him. My entire body was alive with passion; as I was sliding up against him, I started to grind on top of him.

I pulled back from our kissing and looked into his lust-filled eyes. I asked with silent permission, as I stroked his cock in my hands and just watched as he licked his lips and nodded slowly.

I leaned down and kissed his neck and chest as I made my way down his body with licks and kisses. God, how I wanted him inside me!

Even so, I knew I had to wait and be patient; I wanted to show him love. I wanted to take it slow and get reacquainted with his body. In the four years that we had been apart, my love and need for Edward had increased even more than I ever thought possible. Kissing him, loving him here and now, only showed me how insane I was to think that I could ever move on from this man.

This wasn't sex. It was never about sex when it came to my love for Edward. It was destiny. It was fate. The love we made, whether it was sensual or sordid, was always about the connection within our souls. For me, my husband was not only my protector, lover, and confidant. For me, Edward was my peace; he was in the truest sense, my other half. My heart beat for him, and I knew after everything that he had been through, Edward's heart beat for me.

I locked eyes with Edward as I kissed my way down his body, exploring it like it was our first time together. Soon enough, I had reached the Holy Grail, and started stroking his pulsing member in my hand. I leaned down and took a long deep suck of his throbbing head and pulled a low guttural moan from Edward's body as I slowly released his cock from my mouth.

"Fuck, Bella." He stroked the side of my face with his hand. "You're killing me."

I smiled and slowly took his cock back into my mouth. I licked and sucked all around, concentrating on bringing him to the brink over and over again. If l felt him coming, l would just release him and start the process once again. A well deserved sweet torture, it wasn't that I didn't want Edward to find release, but the new sense of control I felt in loving my husband this way aroused me even further when l sensed the kind of power my mouth held over him. I felt Edward's body tense and looked up to see that he was close again. His knuckles were almost white from clutching the sheets beneath him so tightly, and I continued sucking and licking until I brought him to ecstasy.

I let go of his semi-hard cock with a pop, and Edward was quick in pulling me back up to him. He kissed me firmly and turned us until he was on top. He rested one arm next to my right shoulder as he cupped my face and continued to kiss me passionately. I felt his warm tongue stroke mine as we struggled for control of the kiss. He pulled away from my mouth and turned his attention to my neck and down to my heaving chest. I moaned when I started to lose myself to his caresses and lust-filled whispers. I was so enraptured that I unexpectedly felt a small tug on my nipple, and I quickly opened my eyes. I made contact with Edward's smooth stare, as he hovered above me, smiling in between kisses. He slowly leaned down and captured my erect nipple with his lips. I caught my lower lip in my teeth as I slid my fingers through his silky hair.

"Edward…it's so…" I panted in between words. "It's so good."

I heard him chuckle as he continued to suckle and tease my highly sensitive nipples.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered slowly. "I wish to God, I could take away all the pain you suffered alone. Baby, if I could, I would go back and fight harder; if I had, I would have been there to catch you when you fell, baby. I would have done anything in the world to catch you and save our baby, Bella."

A painful emotion rose within me, and I felt tears start to sting my eyes. _Please, no! Hold it together!_

"Love, it's not your fault. None of it was your fault," Edward whispered as he saw my tears start to well up. I held him close as he continued to pepper my breasts and stomach with slow and passionate kisses. He slowly shifted and I felt his muscular thighs press against my bare legs. I widened my legs as I felt his hardness press against my wet heat.

"Bella?" He looked up suddenly. "Are you on anything?"

At first, I was confused. I wasn't even sure to what he was asking, when it dawned on me. I slowly shook my head. His mouth was partly opened with an intense hunger in his eyes. Edward looked down the length of my body and stroked the sides of my thighs.

"As much as I want to be in you and feel nothing but you around me, I don't think we're ready to go unprotected." I sat up as Edward slid off the bed and reached for his wallet.

"Why the need for protection? I know you haven't been with anyone, and Edward, I swear I haven't been with anyone." He reached into his wallet, and his mouth held a smirk as he raised the foil packet in the tip of his fingers. I folded my arms and raised an eyebrow.

"To answer your unasked question, no, this is not from my college days. I guess when I knew we were going to meet in Chicago, I just wanted to be prepared. Consider it wishful thinking on my part." I smiled a shy smile as he walked toward me. I felt him reach over and kiss me softly before whispering, "And I want to use protection because we don't know what they have been pumping into you. You just got out of the hospital. As much as I want to make love to you and see you swell with our child, I just don't think now is the right time for that."

I pulled back suddenly, after I realized just how rational Edward's fears were. I had been drugged with God-knows what, along with that and the mediciane I was given at the hospital if our love making got me pregnant, then whatever was in my system could be harmful to the baby.

"Bella?" I looked up with worried eyes and saw Edward watching me. He stood tall and still. He was more of a man now than I had ever seen him. Painfully beautiful in his nudity, he was sexual perfection personified.

No more waiting; I couldn't do it anymore.

I reached out for his hand and took the condom from his fingertips. He shook his head, but before he could step back, I leaned down, taking his erection in my hand, and savored it in my wet mouth.

Edward hissed and I felt his hand glide through my hair. I sucked and toyed with his erection, making him harder, as I quickly pulled back and tore the packet open. I rolled it onto his thick, pulsing shaft and pulled him down onto the bed.

"Bella, wait." He stilled my movements as I quickly straddled him. "We shouldn't do this, not like this, baby."

I shrugged out of his grasp and leaned forward, kissing Edward forcefully. "No. More. Waiting. Okay?"

"Bella…" I cut him off and kissed him hard, and I pulled his hands to his sides.

"I love you, Edward. I love you so much. I can't wait anymore. During all the insanity that is my life, I have learned a few things about myself. I can't get into all of them right now. What I can tell you is that I am done waiting for the right time. I am done waiting to see what is and isn't acceptable. From now on, if I want something, I will go for it. As far as I'm concerned, protocol and being rational can be damned. Because when it comes to you, I don't care. As long as we're together, happy, and safe, that is all I care about. If all I get out of this life is _you, and only you_, for the rest of my life, I have made out to be better and happier than I ever thought possible."

Before Edward had a chance to react, I slid myself down onto him and we both groaned loudly. "Holy fuck, Bella."

"Oh God! Edward!" We breathed in deep and kept our connection. I leaned forward and steadied myself by leaning on his chest with my hands, and he held my hips as we slowly found our rhythm.

"Look at me, baby." I heard him gasp as the need for each other pulsed within us. "I need to see your eyes."

I met his stare as he lay back and let me take control. Our desire was mirrored in each other's eyes, our lips parted and we were holding onto each other desperately. This wasn't the first time we had made love, obviously, but the hunger to continue the connection we felt was desperate. It was so anxious. I felt him reach up and stroke my breasts, bringing me more alive than I'd ever been.

Surprised at how quickly my lover—my husband –had brought me to the edge, as the rekindled passion took me to my breaking point, all my befuddled brain allowed me to do was pant. "Edward… I'm going to… "

He quickly leaned up and pulled my face down to his and kissed me deeply and murmured, "Let go, love. Let it all go."

I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. I was finally letting go of a part of myself that I had held onto so stubbornly. My emotions erupted within me. The euphoria I felt made me part my lips, but the only sound I heard was moans of desire. I looked into Edward's eyes and they were clouded with passion.

"Edward…" He quickly silenced my mouth with his finger, as I felt him press harder and deeper into me, keeping a steady and hungry motion.

"Don't talk, just feel me," he whispered against me. I reached up and stretched myself around him, taking in his manly, musky essence. I couldn't control myself as I licked and kissed the soft skin at the base of his neck.

"Fuck, Bella, that feelsso hot." He moaned in between thrusts as he quickened his pace. I felt his cock start to pulse and quiver inside of me. His grip on me tightened, and my name stumbled from his lips. I could see the tidal wave of rapture wash over him, and when we locked eyes, in that moment, nothing else in the world existed but us.

I lay on top of him, both of us gasping for breath. "I love you, Edward."

"I know, baby. I love you too."

I smiled against him, thoroughly spent. Even in my exhaustion, I could still feel the orgasmic aftershocks resonate throughout my body. I felt the soft caresses of Edward's hand on my back, and I reluctantly closed my eyes and welcomed what I hoped was an undisturbed slumber.

Too bad I didn't know that the real troubles in my life were just beginning.

I woke up suddenly, from a troubling dream I couldn't remember. Glancing down at myself, I realized I was still totally bare. I pulled the sheets up to cover my naked breasts. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my racing thoughts.

What the hell? What happened? Oh my God!

My heart fluttered as I recalled the events of day; the insane confession from Leah and Jacob in the kitchen, the confession from my father about his alcoholism, the totally straight-from-a-soap-opera-twist about my Uncle…err… correction, Grandfather Aro. I covered my face with my hands, trying to shake the anger that was bubbling already. Slowly, I smiled.

_Edward_.

Of all the crazy and insane confessions I was subjected to the day before, it was Edward's revelations about Vegas and the truth about his time away from me that finally gave my aching soul the much needed relief. I could feel my heart start to cool, and before I could stop myself, a giggle escaped me when the thoughts of the many positions we had tried entered my mind. I hesitated to move, wondering if yesterday had been a dream. I slowly looked over to where Edward's head had rested the night before and saw that the spot was empty. A sinking feeling started to fill me, and I closed my eyes to ward off the worry that began to consume me.

_Where is he? Why isn't he here? _

I bit my lower lip and started to sit up, looking around the room. The slivers of light from the morning sun were peeking through the shades; andas they hit the furniture and mirrors, the room began to glow all around me. I suddenly heard the water running and looked up toward the bathroom door. Without another thought, I threw back the covers and climbed out of bed. My muscles aching as I started to walk toward the bathroom, dragging the sheet behind me as I struggled to keep it wrapped around my body. I pushed the door aside and the steam from the shower escaped. I inhaled deeply when I realized that I could smell him.

I walked softly toward the glass shower door and watched as the water cascaded down Edward's body. I could see the muscles of his back flex as he moved, with his arms fully working his hair as he washed away the shampoo. His lower half was obstructed by the textured surface of the door.

_Must replace the damn shower door with a fully clear one!_

He shifted a bit and turned under the shower with his eyes shut and washed his face. As he stepped out from under the water jets, he wiped the water from his face and opened his eyes. It took him a few seconds, but when he was able to focus on me, the side of his mouth turned up into a small smirk. I stood still and watched him as he followed the length of my body with his gaze.

He raised his hand and pressed his palm against the door, and it slid open. I swallowed hard at the sight of his fully nude body. His chiseled chest with broad shoulders held his perfectly toned arms at his side. As I took him in his solid abs to his manly base, I swallowed hard and couldn't help but look away.

I heard him chuckle. "Come, come now, Mrs. Cullen. Don't tell me you're shy all of a sudden?"

I bit my lower lip and looked at him from under my lashes. I didn't know why, but suddenly everything was different. I tried to fight down the awkwardness, but I honestly didn't know how to behave.

_Get it together, Bella!_

Edward stood still with his hand stretched out to me. "Come here, baby. Let me love you some more."

I stepped toward him and slowly let the bed sheet that was wrapped around me fall to the ground. Edward took a sharp breath, and I watched as his eyes darkened to a deep forest green. It was the look of a man on the edge of lust. I loved that look. I reached my hand out to him as I closed the space between us.

"Dear God, Bella. You are more beautiful every time I look at you." He clasped my hand and pulled me hard against him into the warm shower. "I love you, so fucking much."

He kissed me hard. His lips were forceful and penetrating. He quickly overtook my mouth and kissed me with wild abandon. I pushed as he pulled us both under the water. I melted against him and felt his hands rub my body with soap. As he lathered my hair, I peppered his jaw and neck with soft meaningful kisses. He nipped at my ear and pinched my nipple, pulling another throaty moan from me.

"Edward… you need to stop." He laughed as he pressed his erection against me and washed the soap and shampoo off me.

"Oh, baby… I'm just beginning." He quickly shut off the water and pulled me out with him. I shied away from his attempt to kiss me.

"Edward, we can't. We have to think about Charlie. He could be up by now."

Edward quickly turned and bent down to flip me over his bare shoulder.

"Edward, stop! No!" I struggled. He slapped my ass as he briskly walked out of the bathroom. "Ow! Edward, really, you need to stop!"

"Do as you're told and don't move, Bella." He tossed me on the bed, made his way over to the side table, and got out his cell phone. He turned and pinned me down with his gaze. "Mom? Sorry to trouble you. Are you and Dad awake? Yes, Bella and I are doing fine."

I saw him smirk, and his eyes lit up when he looked at me. "Yes, we are more than fine. Charlie? Well yes, that is what I was calling you about. You see, I think that Bella and I could use more…er…alone time together for the rest of the morning. Yes, well it would great if you could come over and take him out somewhere. No, no, Jacob and Leah will be taking care of themselves…"

Hearing their names brought back an uneasy feeling within me. I sat up slowly, pulling the duvet cover over myself. I looked away from Edward, who was still talking with Esme. I ran a hand through my hair and thought back to everything that had come out yesterday. A tight pain within my stomach started to form, and I tried to blink back the tears that threatened to flow at the thoughts of their utter betrayal.

_Oh God, it hurt!_

Jacob's actions in keeping Edward and me apart, while deplorable, were still the actions of someone who was in love. But drugging me? That went beyond anything I could even comprehend. I knew it was something that we would never recover from. Ever. Jacob had decided that fate for us when he drugged me in order to keep me from acting out of my own free will.

As my thoughts of anger rose within me, I couldn't help but feel it steering toward my father. I loved Charlie. His confession made me understand that he wasn't in the right frame of mind. However, it didn't hurt any less.

I didn't know if it was selfish of me to feel betrayed, even by him. It was like the wool that had been pulled from my eyes had brought into question all the men that I had fiercely and loyally loved throughout my life.

What right did anyone have to hide things from me? They said it was because they loved me and wanted to protect me-but was it really?

The standard excuse I always received from everyone who hid things from me was that I needed to be protected. When I was a burned and bruised kid trying to hold it together in desperation for the sake of my grieving father, I accepted that reasoning over and over. It wasn't easy growing up in such a stressful family. Any mention of Aro would set Charlie off. He would yell and scream, telling me how horrible Aro was. He hated every mention of my mother's inheritance. I didn't want to fight. I wanted a family, so I stopped struggling, and I just took it. I tried to be the daughter I knew my mother would have wanted me to be. I kept telling myself that things couldn't get any worse, and that I would eventually get out when I went to college.

"_Happiness isn't forever, Bella. Just remember that. Never love someone more than they love you. 'Cause they will be taken away. Just be smart."_ Charlie's words that echoed in my mind were uttered during some dinner, in which we had, strangely enough, managed to sit down together. I remember I had made spaghetti and meatballs. I had slaved over a hot stove for hours, and he had sat, for the most part, telling me how Sue was devastated because Harry Clearwater had passed away from a heart attack.

I remember the times I wanted to tell him to stop saying that love didn't last forever-I knew it hurt that Mom was gone, but I was still alive, I was still here with _him_, and _he_ should remember that I continued to love him. I just wanted us to work it out. I simply wanted to try and be a family. I remember as I lay in bed that night, staring at the family portrait that was taken around my thirteenth birthday. We looked so happy, so normal. We looked like the picture-perfect family. I remember how I cried and prayed that when I would wake up the next day, I would find that the life I was living was just a bad dream.

I remembered when the days got worse, I started praying and hoping that I would never fall in love, because I was so sure it would destroy me, just like it had done my family.

The moment I met Edward, it changed everything, and in some ways, it kept everything the same. Everything changed in the sense that for the first time I had renewed hope that love might conquer everything—but sadly, it stayed the same when Charlie didn't even bother to give Edward a chance.

Edward loved me, and I loved him. The objection that Charlie and Jacob had to me seeing Edward only made me fight harder for us to be together. He never made demands on my love. He never made me feel guilty or less than who I was because of the difficulties I had gone through. He pushed me into becoming a better person-to take all my disadvantages and make them my stepping stones on a path to a new life where I was in charge.

I honestly thought I was in control of my life. However, after everything that was unleashed on me these past years, it was obvious that I really had no control at all.

_What am I going to do? If my own father, grandfather, and best friend treated me this way, who was there left to trust? Edward? What happens when he does something without my knowledge? Something that he is sure is in my best interest? What then? Where do I go for help? _

"Bella?" Edward's voice pulled me from my thoughts. "Charlie is going to be well entertained the rest of the day; are there any other demands my lovely wife has for me?"

Edward tossed the phone on the side table and kept his eyes on me. I looked down and held the duvet closer around me. When Edward didn't move, I looked back up at him; his expression was one of concern. I smiled, trying to hide my own tense expression.

"Baby, what's wrong?" His voice was soft.

"Nothing," I whispered. Edward shook his head and leaned beside the bed.

"Don't do that. Tell me-what's wrong?" His expression was more tense than worried.

"Darling, really. It's nothing but stupid memories of insane times that just are overwhelming me. Come here." I reached for him and took his face in my hands, kissing him softly. "Even though we have finally gotten through so much, it's the thoughts of what we still don't know that are just keeping me stressed. I can't help it. You know I'm an over-thinker."

"Baby, you have nothing to worry about, that's what I'm here for." Edward stroked my face and kissed me in between his words. I looked deep into his eyes. I smiled into his gaze and kissed the tip of his nose.

"I never thought we would be like this again," I whispered against his lips. "I love you. I love you, I love you."

Edward chuckled as he kissed me back. "Baby, we will always be together. I don't have control on much in this world, but I swear, this is one thing I will spend the rest of my life making sure we are able to do."

I leaned back and held Edward close as he hovered above me. "Promise?"

"I promise." Edward crossed his heart and smiled. "So now, where were we?"

I bit my lower lip as I tried to hide a smile when I caught a familiar mischievous glint in his eye.

"Bella, what have I told you about biting your lower lip?" Edward's voice was dripping with sexual dominance.

"Um…that it turns you on?" I answered, trying to hold back my smile.

"Oh, Mrs. Cullen! We have so much to catch up on." I giggled as Edward attacked my neck and kissed his way down to my breasts. He pushed the duvet down, and I moaned as he caught one of my nipples in his mouth and sucked.

With my back arched, I slipped my hands into his hair. "Edward, oh my God! Don't stop!"

Edward chuckled. "Oh my darling Bella… I have no intention on stopping. Ever."

I lazily lay across Edward's bare chest, stroking it and watching the clouds as they floated by the huge window that overlooked the city below. I was in heaven, to put it simply. There were so many times in the last four years that I prayed for another moment like this with Edward. We lay together, totally nude, relaxing from a morning filled with love making. There wasn't a part of either of our bodies that we hadn't licked, kissed, or touched.

My joints ached in pleasure and pain from being used over and over again. I loved the sensation, and I prayed that for the rest of our lives, every moment we had was like this.

It was just so _peaceful_.

I kept massaging his chest and kissed him periodically as he lay back with one hand tucked behind his head and the other cupping my ass. I heard him let out a sigh and as he started to stroke my back softly. I pulled my hair out of the way and watched him as he gazed at my nude form. I turned so he could have better access to my breasts. I let out a soft moan and closed my eyes; he stroked and teased my nipples until they were fully erect again under his touch.

"Edward…we need to stop." I moaned.

"No, we don't have to stop anything we don't want to," he whispered as he leaned forward, pulling me to him.

"No, we do." I argued. "Edward, we have to get up, please. Esme will be back with Charlie soon."

I heard him let out a sigh, and I opened my eyes to catch his disappointed expression. "Come on, you know I don't want to. Please?"

He looked at me with soft eyes. "You really feel you're ready?"

"Well, of course, I know they probably know what we're up to; I just feel like we still need to make an appearance." I gave him a slow kiss.

"Wait." He pulled back. "Bella, we need to talk."

"What do you mean 'we need to talk'?" I said quickly as I tried to sit up. "Is something wrong? Is there something you aren't telling me? Is it Charlie? It is Jacob? Leah?"

Fear started to course through me, and I quickly tried to slip off the bed.

"Bella, wait!" Edward pulled me back and tried to settle me in his arms. "Everyone is fine!"

"Then what's wrong?" The desperation in my voice caused my words to shake as I spoke.

"Calm down, baby, really, it's nothing. I just wanted to talk to you about everything and make sure you are okay." He pulled me to his chest and held me as I tried to calm my breathing. "Fuck, you're trembling. Jesus, I didn't mean to shake you up, baby. I'm sorry."

"Is there something I need to be worried about? I mean, is everyone keeping something from me?"

"Love, I am not keeping anything from you, I swear. I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to talk with my father."

I shook my head. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Baby, you need to talk to someone, especially after what Jacob and Leah said yesterday. We have to have you checked out."

"Edward, I'm fine. I just checked out of a hospital no more than twenty-four hours ago, remember? They had to have done some blood tests, and if they had found anything out of the ordinary then, of course, it would have raised some red flags."

I felt Edward's body tense. "So what does that mean? That everything that Jacob and Leah said is going to be pushed under the rug?"

I pulled away from his chest and looked straight at him. "No, Edward. I have no intention of pushing anything under the rug! Even more so, what I will not do is jump around and freak out because of it. Granted, there are so many insane things they said, but I'm not sure everything they are saying is one hundred percent accurate."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Edward sat up quickly.

"I don't know, Edward. I just don't remember it like they are making it seem." I pressed my fingers to my throbbing temples. "I know things were hazy after I lost the baby, but there were so many other things that made me insane."

"What do you mean, Bella? What things?" Edward stood to grab his pajama pants from his suitcase and slipped them on. "What was driving you insane?"

I closed my eyes and tried hard to hold down the pain of the past few years. I knew somewhere deep inside that Edward and I would eventually have this conversation, about the situation that surrounded us, my attack and who was behind it. I just didn't want to have it now.

"Edward, I don't think we should have this conversation now," I stated slowly.

"Bella, just talk to me. After everything we have gone through, we need to stick to honest and open conversations. I don't care how big or small it is; I want you to talk to me about it. No more tap dancing around everything." I could hear a thin edge in his voice and knew he didn't understand.

"Edward, it's not that. It's just-I don't want to have another emotionally charged conversation right now."

"I understand that things are difficult and all out of sorts." He came and sat down next to me. "But we need to talk to someone about this, especially in regards to your health. Think about it, Bella. We don't know what they have been giving you. You might have gained a dependency on it. Who knows what can happen if you miss a dose? I think we need to know what kind of damage your body might be suffering as a result of it."

I knew deep inside he was right. A part of my mind screamed that I needed to talk to Carlisle, that I needed to be proactive and mature about my situation.

But I was afraid.

_What would it be like to talk to Carlisle about all this? Would I have to tell him about the baby? What about what happened in Italy? _As all the scenarios raced through my mind, I had to force myself to calm down.

"Bella, baby, please trust me." He looked so desperate.

Iclosed my eyes and tried over and over to come up with some kind of argumentative point, anything that would make him back down. I shook my head as I thought of excuse after excuse but nothing was good enough. Edward would push until he got what he wanted; he always did.

_Just try it out. Give him a chance._

I let out a soft breath. "Okay, Edward, I'll talk to Carlisle."

Edward reached out and pulled me into a deep kiss. "Baby, I swear you won't regret this. I know it's hard, but I'll be here with you every single step of the way."

"I love you, Edward."

He kissed my forehead softly as he walked with me into the bathroom. "I love you too, baby. Let's get washed up and then I'll call Carlisle. It will be all right I swear."

Four hours later, anxiety had my stomach tied in the most uncomfortable of knots. Edward sat next to me and tried to stop my hands from trembling.

"Baby, it'll be okay. I swear," he whispered as he leaned in and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I kept taking deep breaths as I heard Carlisle's voice before I saw him enter the room.

"I know, darling, I will tell them. Of course, we will be right over afterwards." He paused and shut the study door behind him, before he turned to give us a smile. "Esme, love, I'm here. Yes, they look very happy. No, I will not give Edward the phone-and that is a no to giving the phone to Bella, as well. Yes, dear. I understand. Of course, yes. I love you too."

Edward and I couldn't help but smile. Esme and Carlisle had always been the perfect couple. Their love story was a tale in itself, but through all the hurt, abuse, and manipulation emerged two people who were each other's beacon of light. I looked over at Edward as he smiled and stood to exchange pleasantries with his father. They shared many similar features, but it was nothing in comparison to what they shared in character-the immense love and dedication they gave to their women.

It pained me to realize, once again, the opportunities Edward and I had wasted these last four years and what it meant to our marriage. I watched Edward's expression turn serious as he kept close to his father, speaking in hushed tones.

I loved him. Oh God! How I loved him. I just didn't know if I could do what Edward was asking of me. To confess the truth about the past to Carlisle and asking him to keep it from Esme seemed so blasphemous. I knew he loved me and wanted to protect me as much as his son, but what would he think?

I knew that the decision I made to leave four years ago without a trace was immature and hurtful. This family had done so much for me when I had needed someone, anyone to care for me the most. However, at the time, my decision to leave was fueled by anger and the horror of seeing my worst fears coming true. That was the first time it occurred to me that love didn't last forever.

I suddenly felt a small downward spiral in my stomach. I reached to brace myself, but I realized I wasn't moving. I tried to tame the urge by taking deep breaths.

_Everything will be okay, Bella. Just relax. This is a new beginning, remember? Besides what is there to be worried about? As long as Edward is with you, that is all that matters. _

I shut my eyes and tried to shake off the familiar feelings.

_Damn it, Bella! You've already gone over this! Trust Edward!_

It was like all the fears and insecurities I swore I had overcome were suddenly lined up and organized front and center. I hated it. I wanted out. I was a fool, an utter fool to think that it was going to be all right.

_What will Carlisle think when he finds out that I was pregnant? How will he react when he knows l left stubbornly and willingly, without a second look back? What about my insane family drama?_

I could feel my mind at war with itself. A tug of war erupted within me, and it flooded my sanity with a pain and fright of epic proportions.

I looked up at Edward, who had realized I was in panic mode. He took a step toward me, and I shook my head at him. I took deep breaths and managed to mumble something about him staying away.

My voice of reason, or insanity, was like a broken record playing loudly in my mind-my most dreaded fears played over and over again.

_Carlisle is going to freak when he hears about the madness that is surrounding you! Jacob and Leah playing doctor with my anti-depressants or who knows what else! The first thing he is going to do is tell Edward to get away from you. It doesn't last, Bella. Happiness doesn't last._

I was frantic when I managed to get up. I pulled away from a desperate Edward and a very worried looking Carlisle. I almost made it to the door when Edward caught me around the waist.

"Bella, baby, calm down!" He tried to make me face him, but I pushed against his hold and pulled away, screaming for him to get away. "Trust me, baby."

"No! No! Please, no!" I sobbed and found myself running to a corner. "Please, don't make me do this! I can't do this!"

"Bella, please, calm down! I swear you don't have to do anything! Dad, help me?" Edward's voice echoed around the room, his tone laced with panic.

I gave Carlisle a fear-filled glance when I saw him pull Edward back by his arms and tried to reason with him softly. I couldn't hear him above my own crying, but I had hoped that he was telling Edward to back off.

I slid down the wall, held my knees to my chest, and sobbed in desperation. Somewhere inside, I had no idea why I was crying; part of me feared that I was having a mental breakdown. Another part of me feared that I was sane, and that my world was about to come crashing down around me.

"Bella?" I jerked up and saw Carlisle bent at the knees, sitting close to me. I wiped my eyes and looked for Edward, who seemed to be missing. "I sent him out. He wanted to stay, but I told him I needed him gone."

I nodded slowly and kept my body turned away from him. I sobbed silently as Carlisle didn't move from his position and just let me cry it all out. A soft knock on the door brought me out of my stupor, and I looked to Carlisle, who hadn't moved an inch.

"Who is it?" Carlisle asked cautiously as his eyes never left mine.

My heart sank when I heard Esme's anxious voice. I hated to hear the pain in her voice, especially since I knew it must have been because of me. My heart started to beat faster; this time it had nothing to do with trepidation but with hope. Suddenly, fear was replaced with wanting and a need as her tone started to soothe the panicky currents in my veins.

"Bella?" Carlisle looked at me with a questioning look and gestured toward the door. I slowly nodded to answer his unspoken question. He quickly stood up and pulled open the door. I could hear the heated exchange between Carlisle, Edward, and Charlie. Esme flew past him and she raced toward me. Carlisle was true to his word, though, as he stood strong and didn't let anyone else pass by. When I saw her angelic face, I couldn't help myself-I reached out to her as she came close.

The second she touched me, I knew I was going to be okay.

"Oh, Esme." I cried into her blouse as she held me. "I'm so sorry!"

"Hush, Bella, no need for all of that. You let it all out, you hear me? I'm here, sweetheart."

"It hurts, Esme. It just hurts so much inside. Everything is a mess, and it's all my fault." My voice cracked in between words. She rocked me and I could feel her looking over at Carlisle, who I knew was still very present in the room.

"Darling, I know you are in a great deal of pain after everything you have just gone through. Even so, my lovely Bella, you need to remember who you are. You are strong and independent. You are a survivor."

I shook my head. _Leave it to Esme to have it totally backwards!_

"No, Esme, you're wrong, so wrong. If you only knew the truth! You and Carlisle would be so disappointed." I hiccupped.

I felt Esme's body shake with a light laugh. "Bella, my sweet girl, there is no way any of my children could disappoint me. You, out of all them, should know that."

Her words shook me as I realized what she was saying. I pulled back and looked into her eyes. They were shining with emotion and unshed tears. She drew me back to her and held me tight.

"Esme, I'm so scared," I whispered.

"I know, my darling. I know you are. But please, trust me and let me help you. Both Carlisle and I can't stand seeing you in such pain again. Please, Bella."

I sat still and listened to her heart beat. It allowed me to try and work up the nerve to begin somewhere. The fear of their reaction to everything that I was going to tell them was so powerful, I almost wanted to get up and race away from the room. But Esme's firm and mothering touch kept me rooted. I glanced down at the simple wedding ring that graced my finger and remembered when Edward and I exchanged vows. I felt sick knowing that he had honored them to the best of his ability and that my behavior was the reason everything seemed so useless, futile, fruitless, and desperate. I also knew that I needed to get help if there was any hope for me to survive this mental mind fuck.

I cleared my throat and asked for a glass of water. When Carlisle handed me the cool glass, I tried to get up. Without a word, Esme and Carlisle helped me to the sofa and sat on either side of me. I felt vulnerable and protected, all at the same time. The room was suddenly so quiet, and all I could hear was the erratic beating of my heart.

_You can do this. Just start from the beginning. _

With a shaking breath, I started. "This all started four years ago when I found out that I was pregnant."


	27. Chapt 24 With All My Love

I usually don't suggest songs to listen to while reading a chapter, but while writing this chapter the song "My Love" by Sia on the _Eclipse _soundtrack just really brought this chapter into whole new light, especially toward the end of the chapter. I do suggest listening to it while reading.

**All Twilight characters names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The plot lines, backgrounds and details, however, belong to me. So please no copying or reproduction of this work in any way is allowed without written authorization by me.**

Chapter Twenty Four

**With All My Love**

"I don't care, Jasper. You're going to have to hold them off for a while longer. Bella's still inside with Esme and Carlisle right now. No, I don't know how she's doing. But what I do know is that she is in no condition to talk to anyone about anything-especially if it's about what happened at the restaurant." I pressed the bridge of my nose as Jasper continued to lay out the situation to me over the phone.

"Edward, you have to listen to me. This is not something I have any control over. The police have given us enough space to deal with this situation. I pulled as many strings as possible. If it weren't for my connections to the district attorney, Bella would have been questioned while she was still in the hospital," Jasper responded in a clipped tone.

"Damn it, Jasper, I know you are doing the best you can. Hell, I know that we would be in an even bigger bind if it weren't for you," I whispered frantically. "But she's falling apart, man. I just spent the most amazing moments of my life with her, and before I could fully savor the experience, Bella flips out and I'm standing outside in a hallway, keeping vigil until my parents can figure out what's the matter."

I took a deep breath and tried to steady my voice, but the situation was truly starting to tear my mind apart.

"What happened? Is this post-traumatic stress from the attack?" Jasper asked quickly.

"I don't even know where to begin. It is that and so much more," I confessed.

After a minute, Jasper softly asked, "Does this have anything to do with what happened when Bella was away?"

I stopped pacing for a moment.

_What the fuck? Did he know about Bella and the baby?_

"What the hell do you mean by that? What do you know about when Bella was away? Did you talk to Emmett? Have _you_ been holding out on me too, Jasper?"

"Okay, I have no idea what that means. I was talking about _you_ and Victoria. What did you think I meant? What does Emmett know that I don't?"

_Fuck!_

"Nothing, man, nothing. I'm just freaking out. I love her, but just to be honest, I don't know if that is enough to keep us together." I clenched and unclenched my fists.

I heard Jasper's sigh as he called for Alice to get ready.

"Edward, listen to me. Alice and I will be there in a little bit. Just hold steady until we get there. Do you think you can do that?"

I glanced over at Charlie. Until now, I had totally forgotten he was standing in the same hallway as me. The look in his eyes made me realize that he understood exactly what _spending the most amazing moments of my life with her, _meant. _Fuck!_

I quickly pressed the spot on my head which had just begun to throb and walked toward the living room.

"Jasper, I don't even know. I mean this hasall gone to hell. Just, please, get here and call Emmett as well. I have a feeling Bella might need him."

"Will do. We're on our way." I hung up the phone and dropped down to the sofa, rubbing my face with the palms of my hands.

This was insane. Only a few hours ago, Bella and I had finally rekindled a part of _us _that I had never thought we could. The fierce and fiery passion that lived in my wife's soul consumed me with such force that I was convinced that I wouldn't have the strength to meet her demands. She was insatiable, and I loved her for it. I knew Bella could be a little sex kitten-with an emphasis on the kitten part. I was always the more experienced one. I was the one who took the lead. Even as I continued to take the initiative, I could see the woman that my Bella had grown into as she met me thrust for thrust.

_God, how I love her!_

She owned me-heart, mind, body and soul. I wished that it had been like this from the beginning. We were desperate and needy. We had pent-up desires that only could be satisfied by each other.

The sound of her voice as she screamed my name in ecstasy had me ready to explode right there. I managed to rein it in enough and held out longer, to make it beautiful for both of us.

It was embarrassing that I almost came like a teenage boy just starting puberty. But that was the effect my beautiful wife had on me.

When she lay naked and draped over my body, I had to use all the self control I possessed to stifle the urge to ravish her once again. I found comfort in stroking her perfect nude form. When my fingers traced the faint silver scars —almost invisible to the human eye— that lined her back and shoulders, I wondered if she ever felt the rough patches when she showered and washed her body.

It amazed me really, that my Bella, who was a fighter and had withstood so much in her life, didn't even realize just how strong of person she was. I had to keep the thoughts of Jacob, Leah and that asshole, Aro, at bay. If I didn't, I wasn't sure how I would react if I saw them. And I knew that seeing them again was more than likely because of this whole fucked-up situation.

I let out a loud sigh and looked up at Charlie, who was standing by the archway of the living room, watching me. He slipped his hands into his pockets and when looked around, fidgeting.

"You okay, son?" My mouth parted in shock at hearing Charles Swan calling me _son._ There was a time many years ago when I would have done anything to hear him call me that. It would have filled my heart to the brim with joy and pride that this man thought me worthy enough to be called _son. _However, looking at him now, given the state that my wife was in, it only gave me a small sense of fulfillment.

"Yeah, Charlie, I'm fine. Come on; let's get some coffee from the kitchen." Charlie nodded and waited for me to lead the way. Silence surrounded us as we made our way to the kitchen, but we both stopped short when we saw Leah standing quietly by the kitchen counter.

Her back was toward us, and she seemed to be scanning the room for something. As soon as she sensed us, Leah quickly turned with eyes wide open and took a step back.

I folded my arms over my chest and eyed her closely. I could feel her get nervous under the weight of my stare. "Just what do you think you're doing in here, Leah?"

"I wasn't doing anything I wasn't supposed to." Her eyes were red-rimmed and she looked like she hadn't slept a wink all night. Leah looked apprehensively at the two of us and slowly took a breath. "It's just…I don't want to be useless. I mean, I know Mrs. Isabella wants me gone, but until it's time for me to leave, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do."

She was trembling as she spoke. It was obvious that she wasn't sure how we were going to treat her. Especially after everything that Leah had revealed about her part in Bella's manipulation, it was only natural for her to feel so anxious. A strong part of me wanted to tell her to get out, but the look of utter helplessness in her eyes made me rein back my anger.

"Well, I don't know about you, Edward, but I sure could use a bite to eat." Charlie thankfully broke the ice and spoke first. He looked at me and his eyes were asking for me to play along. "So, want a sandwich?"

"Yeah, I could eat something." I sat down and glanced at my watch to see what time it was. _Fuck. They've been in there with her for forty-five minutes._

I leaned on the counter and watched as Charlie opened cupboards and drawers, looking for things. He found two small plates and put them on the counter. Leah watched him wander around the kitchen helplessly. Charlie opened the refrigerator door and stood there for a few minutes, mumbling quietly to himself.

"Where are those slices of deli meats?" Charlie asked himself aloud after a few moments. "Is that it? No, that's not it."

It was a minute before Leah took two steps toward Charlie, reached into the fridge, and took out the package of deli meat and grabbed the lettuce and tomatoes. She quickly put everything down on the countertop and replaced the small plates with bigger ones. Leah slowly looked over her shoulder at Charlie who grabbed two bottles of water and tossed one at me.

"Mr. Charles, would you like mustard on your sandwich?" He smiled and nodded. She then turned to me and asked softly, "Mr. Edward, if I remember correctly, you don't like tomatoes on your turkey sandwich?"

I had no intention of answering, but Charlie gave me a _don't be an asshole_ look.

I gathered my courage add gave her a slight nod. "That's right, Leah. Thank you for remembering."

She gave us both a quick smile and went back to work on our sandwiches. Charlie slid onto the stool next to me, and we both just stared at the specks of gold embedded in the granite countertop. As the silence enveloped us again, interrupted by the occasional sound of chopping and washing, I felt the tension emanating off of Charlie in powerful waves.

"Edward, this is my fault, isn't it?" he asked quietly. I looked up at him quickly, but he continued to stare down at the counter.

"What do you mean, Charlie?"

"If I'd been a better father to her, and been strong when she needed me the most, maybe she wouldn't be so torn up inside about everything, you know? Maybe my baby girl would know how to handle all of this better."

Charlie had a point, but I couldn't bring myself to tell a man, who obviously loved his daughter dearly, that he was in some way responsible for her mental breakdown. I glanced at Leah, while she put away the unused meats and turned to take the sandwiches out of the panini press.

I shook my head slowly. "Charlie, listen, we can sit here and go over and over the possible reasons of where everything went wrong, but honestly, I don't think that wallowing is going make any difference in the world."

Before he could reply, Leah quickly slid the plates of toasted sandwiches in front of us. Charlie commented on how great it looked, before he took big meaty bites of his sandwich. I couldn't help but think of the countless number of times that Bella had sat here and had taken the food and drink that Leah had offered her. My trusting Bella had eaten it all, not knowing what it contained. Even though I nodded my thanks, the tightly woven thread of anger began to unravel within me. It took all the strength I could muster not to sweep the plate from the counter and onto the floor.

Instead, I shoved the plate away from me and got up to grab a mug from the cupboard.

"Mr. Edward?" I glanced over my shoulder and met Leah's anxious eyes.

"Yes, Leah." I looked back around and poured myself a cup of coffee, not even bothering to mask my obvious irritation.

"I'm sorry, sir. I know what you must be thinking, but please, Mr. Edward, I just want to explain." I closed my eyes when I heard her voice crack.

I wanted to turn around and yell at her that I didn't care what she had to say. It was all I could do not to drag her across to the study and show Leah the mess that she had made of my wife. I wanted to ask her how she would feel if Bella had done to her what she did to Bella.

Instead, I caught Charlie's stern stare and the slight shaking of his head, and I realized that I couldn't unload my frustration on this young girl.

"Leah, I appreciate your apology, but your explanations are falling on deaf ears," I managed to say as I walked briskly toward the hallway. When I felt her grab my hand, I tried to pull away, but Leah fell to her knees and held onto my hand with both of hers. "Please, Leah let me go."

She shook her head, and I could see her eyes shut and the tears trickling down her cheeks. "Mr. Edward, I ask for nothing for myself. I just need you to hear me out. _Please_."

I looked over at Charlie, who was visibly uncomfortable with Leah and her tears. "Listen, kids, I'm gonna just go and step out for a moment."

_Coward!_

I let out a sigh as I watched Charlie leave. Every part of me wanted to beg him to stay, or at least let me come with him, but I knew I couldn't run away from Leah. I had to hear her out.

I shook down the nerves and tried to maintain the steel in my voice. "Okay, Leah. We can talk. Just, please calm down."

She quickly dug into her pocket, pulled out a sheet of paper, and held it out for me to take. A part of me didn't want to read the note. Honestly, I didn't want to engage in anything that had to do with Leah. However, the pleading look in her eyes forced me to take the folded piece of paper. I glanced down and realized it contained the names and dosages of medications that were given to Bella.

"This is the list of everything that we were told to give her. It was prescribed for her by a doctor in Italy. Mr. Aro called Jacob and me into his office when Mrs. Isabella was recovering from losing the baby… Mr. Emmett was still with her in the hospital, and I knew that Mr. Aro hated it." She stopped to take a breath to keep her composure. "We were against it, both Jacob and I. We didn't want any part in it. However, then Mr. Aro mentioned how everything that was being done for my mother was because of the job that I had..."

I watched as the tears continued to flow. I helped Leah to the stool nearest the counter and handed her a tissue.

"Mr. Edward, Jacob was angry. He even threatened Mr. Aro and told him that he was going to tell Mrs. Isabella everything that he was trying to do. But when Mr. Aro mentioned how he was the only one that she trusted, that he was the one man who meant more to her than her own father, it shook Jacob to the core." Leah looked up at me and wiped her eyes. "You know how much Jacob loves her, Mr. Edward. Jacob just loves her so much, it pained him. It pained us both. Soon we would see her calmer, and we thought that maybe it was a good idea after all. Then her nightmares started. Everything changed after that. Mr. Aro wanted to give her more medicine. He reasoned that it would help her escape the pain. Jacob wouldn't let him do it. He fought with Mr. Aro for days. When Mrs. Isabella overdosed, it nearly killed Jacob and me. We begged Mr. Aro to stop, but he was vigilant with his threats and taunts."

"What did he want, Leah?" My tone was harsher than I had intended, and I watched as Leah flinched. "I mean, why the hell would the man who claimed to love her do this? Was it her money? Is there something that Bella has done? What was it that made Aro want to isolate her from us to the point where he would risk her death?"

"I don't know, Mr. Edward. It was never discussed in my presence, and we weren't allowed to even address the topic. All I know is that Jacob managed to talk Mr. Aro into giving her less medication. Eventually, when Mrs. Isabella was strong enough, she mentioned moving to New York. Jacob and I were sure that if we got her far away from Mr. Aro's reach, we could fix everything. It didn't work. Mr. Aro still made sure to be involved. When he managed to get Mrs. Isabella to lean on Jacob for everything, Mr. Aro hoped that Jacob would be appeased enough to continue doing Mr. Aro's bidding as long as he got Mrs. Isabella in the end."

"Aro tried to instigate a love affair between Jacob and my wife?"

"It never worked, Mr. Edward. No matter what Mr. Aro or Jacob said, Mrs. Isabella only had eyes for you. The only thing that nobody could ever do was to make Mrs. Isabella change her mind about the fact that she still loved you. It was you, Mr. Edward-her love for you was the only thing that made her hold on to whatever sanity she had left. It has always been you."

I clenched my jaw to bite down the anger that was alive and flaring in my veins. I pressed my finger against the throbbing vein in my forehead.

_Aro is so fucking dead._

"I should go now, Mr. Edward. I have a lot of packing to do. Jacob told me we are going to be leaving soon," Leah whispered.

"Is he still here, Leah?" She looked over her shoulder at me and shook her head.

"He has taken a room at a hotel nearby. He left last night. We are sorry for what happened, Mr. Edward. Please let Mrs. Isabella know that. Thank you."

I nodded slowly and as she left the kitchen, I called out to her. "Leah, listen. I know things right now are very bad, and I can't even begin to tell you when they will be getting better. Nevertheless, the care your mother has been receiving, I know Bella will continue to honor it. If for any reason she can't, I want you to know I will."

Leah pressed her lips tightly, willing her emotions to keep from flying out. She gave me a half-smile and disappeared down the hallway.

"She just gave it to you?" I nodded as Carlisle went through all of the medications that were listed. His face held a mask of concentration, but I could tell by the fluttering of his eyes over the list that he was panicking. "When was the last time Bella was given any of these combinations?"

"Damn it, I didn't even think to ask." I rubbed my hands over my face in frustration. "I don't know what I was thinking."

Carlisle waved his hand as he continued writing. "It's okay; I'll ask Leah after I have finished looking the rest of these up."

I paced frantically, constantly looking to the hallway for any sign of Bella or my mother.

"How serious is this, Dad?" He looked up at me and shook his head.

"Edward, this is not good. I mean, look at the prescriptions listed. What doctor in their right mind would overload her with so many medications? My God, if Aro was really pushing this on her, all I have to say is that man has gone insane."

I paced impatiently in the living room. "I need to see her, Dad. Please."

Carlisle quickly shook his head but didn't bother with a response.

"Come on, Dad. Why can't I be in there? This isn't fair. I need to be there with her." I leaned against the window overlooking the city and stared out at the clouds in the sky.

"Son, the sooner that you realize this is not about what you want, the easier everything will get. She is utterly broken. And frankly, this is not only because of the baby." I quickly looked back at him as he came over and stood close by me. "This is about everything before that, too. Bella's superficial scars were always taken care of, but her emotional ones have never been."

"Yeah, I get that; but what I don't get is Bella's sudden meltdown. I mean, I only wanted her to talk to you so she would get better. How could it push her over the edge?"

Carlisle shook his head as he resumed his perusal of the list of medications. "Edward, son, this is how it goes. No matter what you did or didn't do, something —anything— would have pushed her over the edge. Look at what she has been dealing with this whole time-with everything that has been fed into her system, her breakdown was inevitable."

I watched Carlisle for a moment before I nodded in agreement. When the doorbell rang, I excused myself to answer it. "That might be Jasper and Alice; I'll be right back."

I found Jasper in a deep conversation with Sam when I opened the door. He gave me a quick nod, while Alice walked right in and gave me a heartfelt hug.

"Edward, is everything okay with Bella? I'm just so worried about her. Every time I pray that the worst is over, everything gets worse." I could hear the tension in my baby sister's voice. So, I hugged her close, gave her a kiss on the forehead, and tried to reassure her.

"Alice, we are going to be fine. Bella's just not feeling well after everything that happened."

"Hey, Edward, how are you holding up?" Jasper came in behind Alice and shut the door. "Emmett and Rose are going to be delayed. Emmett got a call from California, and Rose is having morning sickness-I think."

"Damn it. He never called me. Does Emmett need me?" I asked, praying that he could handle it. Jasper shook his head. "The account in California has been giving him so much trouble."

"No, your accounts are fine. All the legal issues are with all the in-process accounts, but nothing that Emmett can't handle."

"Were you able to work your magic and get an extension with the NYPD for Bella's statement?"

"Edward, the best I could do was to have them come here instead of making Bella step out and become more vulnerable. Felix texted me when I was on the way over here. He wanted to stop by as soon as he finished bailing Paul out. Before you get stressed, I already told him no."

I followed Jasper toward the living room when a thought struck me. "Shouldn't Paul have been bailed out sooner? The shooting was days ago; why would they hold Paul for so long?"

"Good question; I already asked Felix about it. Apparently, they first had to clear Felix's credentials and then allow him to speak with Paul. Felix seemed to have rubbed someone the wrong way, and they took their time working on things. Well, that and the NYPD is not very happy about Paul killing a man," Jasper explained as we walked back into the living room.

"What the hell was Paul supposed to do? Ask the bastard, nicely, to stop trying to strangle Bella?" Alice snapped as she kissed Carlisle hello on his cheek.

"Baby, you know as well as I do that I would have _probably_ done the same had I been in Paul's shoes," Jasper said as he shook hands with Carlisle.

The slight hesitation in his voice made me wonder what he meant. "Why do I get the feeling you are questioning it? Do you feel that Paul should have just wounded him?"

"Well, yes and no. I mean, had I been there and seen that, I would have skinned the man alive or maybe have made his death a lot more painful. However, if there had been a chance that Paul could have wounded him enough to keep the man alive, we would have had the golden ticket for connecting the dots on who is trying to kill Bella."

I sat near Alice and thought about what Jasper had said. He definitely had a point. We really were no closer to figuring out who wanted her dead. With Leah and Jacob's confession, however, dear old Uncle Aro was the front runner in my mind. There was something missing, though. It just didn't make sense. Aro could have killed Bella when she was just a sick teenager. He'd had the opportunity so many times when she lived with him in Italy; why would he want to kill her now?

It didn't make sense. Bella had always left her Italian finances in the hands of Aro. It wasn't until she left me that she even started to take full advantage of the assets he controlled. Bella had more confidence in Aro than she did in her own father and husband.

The sudden echo of the study door opening and shutting in the hallway brought me out of my thoughts. Instead of running toward the clicking sound of the heels coming down the hallway, I waited patiently, hoping that Bella was coming to me.

When I met the stern look in my mother's eyes, I tried to hold down the panic within me. I got up quickly and walked to her. "Mom, how is she? Can I go see her?"

Without a word, she walked right up to me and wrapped her arms around me. Hearing Esme's sob caused me to envelop her in my arms and hold on to her tight. I bent my head and kissed the top of my mother's hair and as I held her close. The pain she felt for me, her son, was so obvious as she continued to cry. As much as I wanted to pull back and ask after Bella, I knew my mother needed me in that moment. So I forced myself to be patient and just held her.

"Why didn't you tell me when you found out, Edward?" Her voice was laced with thick emotion, and I knew she was talking about the loss of the baby.

"Mom, it just all happened so fast. I wanted to say something, but it never seemed like the right time." I gave her a final squeeze as she pulled back and wiped her eyes. She soothed the side of my face and kissed my cheek before walking over to grab a tissue.

"Bella is a mess, Edward, even more now than after she lost her mother. I just can't believe she has gone through all of this by herself. I know you didn't know, but I have to say you should have told me about this, Edward. This is too much for one girl to bear; she's so fragile. I just can't believe it." Esme quickly turned to my father. "To think that all this time we were so close to Aro and we didn't even know how calculating he could be. Damn that man."

"Okay, wait a minute. Can someone tell me what is going on?" Alice got up quickly, pushing out of Jasper's grasp. "What is it that we didn't know? What's wrong with Bella? What's going on with Aro?"

"Alice Abigail, I know you mean well, but not right now. I will tell you everything later. Right now, I need you to go and find Leah and ask her to come talk to me. Bella has asked me to offer her a position with a friend until Leah can fully decide what she wants to do."

"But, Mom…" Esme shot her hand out.

"No buts, Alice. Go and do as I've asked. Jasper, please go and get Charlie for me." Jasper nodded and quickly took Alice by the hand, pulling her with him to go find Leah and Charlie.

"I know you are going to fight me on this, Edward, but you need to listen to me. None of us is blameless in this mess. All of us have made mistakes. If I had just stepped in sooner and demanded to know what the hell had been going on with both of you, maybe things would not have gotten this out of hand." She walked over and poured herself a glass of water. "See, Carlisle? This is why I get involved. If I had just gone to her instead of waiting for the both of them to figure it out, maybe all of this wouldn't be where it is now."

I watched as my father gave her a kiss on the forehead and embraced her. My whole life I wondered if I would ever have the kind of love they had. I craved it and wanted it so desperately. They had tenderness, affection, and seemed to calm each other's souls. My parents were the living embodiment of what I wanted with Bella. My father held my mother close and whispered to her. I saw her nod and turn to me.

"When you go see her, Edward, you have to be patient and listen to what she has to say." I could see the frightened expression in her eyes; it did little to calm me down.

"Mom, you are starting to freak me out. Is there something I don't know that is going on with Bella?" I felt a small pain start to throb in my chest.

"No, sweetheart. She's been totally honest with you. However, there are some decisions she has made that she is not sure that you will not be okay with. Go to her, Edward, but remember, the hardest part about what Bella is going through is not the illness itself, it's how those around her react to what she has to do in order to get better." I could sense the fear and concern in my mother's voice as she spoke to me.

"I can't help but be scared, Mom." I voiced it as honestly as I could.

"I know, sweetheart, but listen to her. That is the best advice I can give you right at this moment. She needs your support, now more than ever."

I gave my mother another kiss and made my way toward the study. My heart was pounding, and the shaking sensation in my hand didn't escape me as I rested it on the doorknob.

_Everything is going to be all right. Just be calm. Don't fuck this up. _

I slowly turned the doorknob and let myself in. "Bella?"

I glanced around the dimly lit room looking for my love; I closed the door behind me and saw her sitting on the sofa near the wall with her knees held to her chest.

"Bella?" I called to her again. She slowly lifted her face and my heart ached at seeing her defeated expression. Bella's hair floated around her face and down her shoulders, almost creating a veil around her. Her eyes were dull and lack-luster, her love of life seeming to have slipped away. Bella slowly moved off the sofa and ran to me.

I took a few long strides and lifted her up by her waist to hold her to me, wrapping my free hand into her hair. Bella buried her face into my neck and nipped me softly behind the ear. Immediately my body was filled with a warm feeling that only my Bella could cause. My heart started pumping faster as the softness of Bella's body molded to mine. Just when I was sure everything was going to be okay, I heard Bella try and hold back a sob, before her body started to shake.

"Hey, baby, none of that. Come on, everything's gonna be okay..." I tried to soothe her aching mind. Bella tightened her hold around my neck and wrapped her legs around my waist, pressing herself into me deeply. I ran my hands through her hair and walked us both to the sofa and sat down with her.

"You wanna talk to me about it?" She slowly shook her head. "Are you sure? Mom said that you told her everything. Judging by her reaction, it must have made you feel better to get it all out. I know how close you two are."

Bella pulled back from my neck, and I couldn't help but reach up to wipe away the messy tears on her face. "Edward, Carlisle and Esme, they weren't even mad. Not for a second did they get upset with me."

She quickly fell against me and started to cry again. I didn't know what upset her so much about their reaction, but I rubbed her shoulders and tried to calm her the best I could. My mind was completely thrown for a loop. As much as I wanted to say something to reassure her, honestly I wasn't sure what to say. The last thing I wanted was to make things worse.

"But, baby, isn't that a good thing? I mean, what did you think they would do? Tell you to get out and never come back? Did you think they would blame you?" I asked quietly.

"Right now, everything I thought seems so insane. I just burden myself unnecessarily sometimes, you know?" Bella's voice was thick with emotion. "I don't know why I think the way I do."

"I know, baby, but really, it's all gonna be all right. I just want you to trust me, sweetheart."

Bella pulled back and adjusted herself on my lap. That simple motion sent a fire to my crotch, and I almost leaned forward to steal a kiss.

_Calm the fuck down! Your wife doesn't need your cock complication anywhere near her right now!_

"I do trust you, Edward," she said as she leaned up to stroke the side of my face. "I know I didn't have faith in you in the past, but that is a mistake I promise never to make again."

The temptation was too great; I had to kiss Bella. I pulled her palm to my mouth and kissed it. "Then tell me, what is bothering you? My mother has me a little freaked that you were getting ready to lay some insane news on me."

Bella quickly looked down and started fiddling with the buttons on my shirt. I could see her fingers tremble as she pretended to pick at lint that wasn't even there. When she bit her lower lip, I knew one of two things would happen. Either, she had something to tell me, or I was going to kiss her wildly—personally, I hoped for the latter.

I captured her chin with my fingers and forced her to look up at me before I whispered, "Bella, what's going on, love? Aren't you going to tell me?"

Bella still couldn't make eye contact with me, but spoke anyway.

"After talking with Esme, I realized that I have to make some really hard decisions. I know you're not gonna like them, Edward, but I really just want you to support me. This decision is so hard for me." I could hear anguish in her voice. It broke my heart to listen to Bella so filled with this kind of turmoil.

I held her close to me and kissed her deeply. She clung to me, before I pulled away. "Don't worry, baby. Whatever you want, all you have to do is ask. I will make sure it happens. Trust me, love. If I could, I would move heaven and earth to make you happy. Just tell me, Bella; just tell me what you need to get better. You know I'll do it."

She nodded, and I watched as a few tears escaped her watery eyes.

"Edward, I think I need to go away and get help," Bella whispered. Before I could respond, she stopped me by pressing her fingers to my mouth. "I think I need to go away alone and get help."

It took me a minute to sit there and process what she was trying to tell me. We just stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity.

My mind was on repeat. _How this could be happening?_

Even though I tried to hold it together, I couldn't. Soon I stood over her and yelled at the top of my lungs. I couldn't control the harsh words of fear, abandonment, and hopelessness at the idea of Bella leaving me. In my mind, separation even for a short amount of time was absurd. The study door burst open, and my mother and father flew in with Charlie behind them.

"Edward, what is going on in here? Why are you yelling at her?" Esme stood in front of me and edged me back. Charlie pressed past me and pulled Bella into a hug.

"Do you know about Bella's insane solution? She's thinking of leaving me! Did you know that, Mom? How's that going to solve anything, Bella? How is staying away from me going to help you? Baby, what's wrong with you?" I felt a sharp tug on my shoulder as Carlisle pulled me back across the room.

"I'm not leaving you, Edward…I…" Bella let out a pain-filled sob and clung to Charlie.

"For God's sake, Edward, stop this right now!" Carlisle yelled before he lowered his voice and whispered, "You have to hear me out. I know this sounds insane but honestly, this is for the best. Trust me, please."

"How can it be for the best? Huh? How can you stand there and expect me to trust you? How can my wife leaving me make things better? This is not only about Bella getting better; this is about us both finding a way to make a life together, right? How can having Bella, separated from me, help anything?" My breathing became labored, and my chest felt tight. "Fuck, I think I'm having a heart attack."

I leaned forward and tried to catch my breath.

_Holy fuck! This is not happening._

Suddenly, I felt Bella's cool hand and breath against my face. Her tension-filled voice urged me to calm down.

"I can't do this; I can't let you go. Damn it, Bella, please don't do this. Let me come with you, please, I am begging you." I could feel her tears on my face as she pressed soft kisses on my cheeks.

"Edward, you have to listen to me, please. I don't want to go. But I have to. Baby, I would have wanted nothing more than for you to come with me. God, I don't even know if I can go. Esme, please!" She quickly turned to Esme who held her around the shoulders. "Please, we can't be apart! I told you this wouldn't work. I can't do this without him. I've been away from him for far too long! Please, don't make us stay apart."

"Bella, I'm not forcing you to stay apart. I know how hard this is, but you have to understand- we don't know how to treat you. We have to get you better. It is only for a short time, just until we know how to handle everything. Bella, we need to get you help right away."

"I know, Esme; I want to get help. But without Edward? It just doesn't make any sense." Bella held onto me tighter. "I…I don't want to do this alone."

"Edward, I know you feel that going with her is not going to affect Bella's recovery, but trust me, it will. I know what I'm talking about. This is not about you and Bella. This is about Bella, and Bella alone. Let me put it to you this way; if you care about her, you will let her go and handle this the right way," Carlisle said, trying to convince me to be reasonable. "It is just until we figure out how to handle it."

"No, Carlisle. I don't think I can do this. Edward, please, don't let them tear us apart! Please, Edward, please!" Bella clung to me, sobbing, and held me tightly. I couldn't let her down. There was a rational part of me that totally understood why everyone wanted her to do this on her own. I knew that recovery could be hindered by loved ones. That sometimes watching the pain and suffering could be too much to bear. I had heard of situations where the addict's husband or wife ended up becoming the enabler. However, the utterly selfish part of myself wasn't even sure I had the strength to let go willingly.

I stood and picked Bella up in my arms. She clung to my body like a lifeline as I walked toward the study door, but Charlie's voice stopped me.

"Son, please, I was an addict. I know what I'm talking about. She needs help. The only way she can truly get better is if she does this with the proper help and on her own. She has to do this for herself; it won't work another way."

I leaned down and kissed Bella's forehead before glancing over my shoulder and catching the somber look on their faces. "Thanks, I'll take that under advisement."

Just when I thought that Bella and I would be on our way to mending our lives back together, I found myself seriously giving thought to the fact that maybe the best way for "us" to heal, would be if we were apart.

While I had been flip-flopping with the idea the last two days, I managed to look up private facilities in Los Angeles which had a high success rate in dealing with both onsight and offsight therapy. What was most frustrating was that there was no sure bet on which method would actually help Bella.

To make matters even more frustrating, the NYPD decided that immediately after Bella had a mental breakdown was the best time to show up and demand to speak to her.

Jasper did his best to ask them to return at a later date, but they wouldn't budge. It was all just so fucking irritating!

After Bella washed up and changed, I held her close and kissed her softly.

"Baby, I'm so sorry you have to do this. But I will be with you the whole time, okay?" Her blood-shot eyes filled with unshed tears, and Bella just looked away.

The look of utter defeat and confusion was so intense, I almost wanted to take her and run. I don't know if it was because I was so confused or just exhausted, but I didn't run. I didn't offer her any more words of advice. I simply took her hand in mine and walked her out the bedroom door and prayed that we both had the strength to get through the next couple of hours.

When we rounded the corner, I took a quick glance at Bella and was relieved that she had composed herself well enough to hide the tears. While her stress was evident by the way Bella pressed her lips together into a tight line, it could easily be attributed to the stress involved in being attacked.

I said a silent prayer that the detective would be more help to Bella, rather than just more emotional trouble.

"Mr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen. I'm Detective André Laurent." I thought I detected a bit of a French accent, but I wasn't sure.

"Thank you for meeting with us at our home, Detective." I reached out and shook his hand. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you, Mr. Cullen. I know this is a very difficult time for both you and Mrs. Cullen. The sooner I speak with your wife, the sooner I can start piecing together who might be after her. If it's all right with you, I would like to begin right away."

Bella nodded her approval and slipped her hand into mine as I led the way.

"Yes, of course. The study will be able to give us some privacy, if you will follow me."

Jasper waited by the door and shook hands with the detective as we walked into the room. Bella looked up at me with nervous eyes, and I gave her a reassuring smile.

"Edward, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure. Bella, why don't you grab a seat; I'll be right back." I followed Jasper into the hallway.

"Listen, you need to stay out here. He only needs to talk to Bella. Don't worry, I'll be with her."

It irritated me to be left out. "Why can't I be in there?"

"Edward, the detective is just following orders. Considering Bella is the victim here and the fact that they didn't make me drag Bella downtown to police headquarters, I think it's safe to say she's in no real danger. Let's just do this, okay?" Jasper gave me a pleading look.

I reluctantly nodded. "Jasper, sit close to her and make sure she doesn't get overwhelmed."

"Of course, Edward. I'll keep her calm, don't worry." He quickly walked into the study and shut the door behind himself.

I folded my arms across my chest and paced in front of the large window in the living room. Frankly, I couldn't wait for all of this to be done with. The more time we wasted here, the more doubt clouded my mind when it came to Bella and her treatment.

Bella wasn't sure what was right for her, but one thing was clear, neither she nor I wanted to be separated. While I knew she looked to me to be strong and handle this choice of treatment for her, it was mentally draining because, honestly, I had no idea what to do. After much thought, however, I had come to a very difficult decision. Even though it would go against what everyone suggested, I decided that I needed to remain close to Bella during her recovery. It was the only sure answer I had that we, not just she, would survive.

It was a hard decision, and a selfish one at that. Regardless, it had to be made. After Bella was finished with Detective Laurent, we would fly out to Los Angeles to check into a remote rehabilitation center I had looked into. Then her recovery would begin, and hopefully we would get our life back.

I rubbed my hands over my face and leaned my head back. I thought back to Bella's erratic behavior and mood swings these last two days.

I hadn't mentioned it to anyone, but I was sure the side effects to the drug withdrawal were slowly coming to the surface. It was so subtle that I almost missed them. It was only the fact that I was with Bella twenty-four hours a day that I was even able to notice. She had mood swings, erratic behavior and her hands held a slight tremor at times.

It all overwhelmed me. Just standing there and thinking about the how difficult the process would be made me want to cry.

When Carlisle walked in with Charlie, I instinctively wanted to go to them. God, how I needed my dad; it was agony not being on the same side as him.

While their reluctance to accept the fact that the decision of Bella's treatment was really ours-and ours alone-it was the constant tag-teaming that was most vexing.

They couldn't realize the gravity of what they were asking. Bella and I had just gotten back together; how could separating from her during the time she needed me the most be good for us? I just didn't see it.

I had been engaged in many frustrated and emotionally charged discussions with Charlie and Esme over Bella's mental health and her treatment. They used every single guilt trip in the book. No matter what they said, they never once made a point strong enough to sway my decision.

When I noticed Carlisle walking toward me, the stern look on his face spoke volumes. When I noticed Charlie standing, arms crossed in front of his chest and blocking the one and only exit to the hallway, I realized I was trapped. All I could do was strengthen my resolve and get ready to butt heads with my father.

"Dad, please. I don't want to fight right now, okay?" I turned to face him, slipping my hands into my pockets.

"Edward, I know you feel that you know what is best but, son, please listen to me." His eyes held a determined look.

"If what you have to say has to do with Bella and me being apart, then really, don't waste your time. I can't do it, Dad. I'm sorry."

We stood there and watched each other for a few minutes in silence. I could see the distressed emotion in his eyes as he desperately wanted me to understand him. The problem was I did understand, and I also knew that staying apart was no good for us. I wouldn't stand for it. And the way Bella had been clinging to me these past few days only strengthened my conviction that she would have a harder time without me. That is why I made sure to find a rehabilitation center that dealt with high-profile patients and were discreet about their care.

"Does she have any symptoms of withdrawal yet?" Carlisle asked me suddenly.

His question was unexpected and caught me off guard. I almost told him the truth of my suspicions but quickly lied.

"Wha—no. I haven't seen anything, not yet. However, as soon as she gets done with her statement to the detective, we are going to catch a flight to Los Angeles. I know you don't have faith in me but, Dad, I'm getting her help. We are going to go to the Canyon's Rehabilitation Center. I will help her get better, you'll see."

Carlisle shook his head as he reached out to squeeze my shoulder. "You don't get it, do you? None of us has any doubt that you want nothing but the best for her. I know your intentions are good and I know that you love her. But, son, don't you see? That is the reason why you need to let her go."

"What does that mean? How can loving her make me ill-equipped to help her?"

"Listen, a friend of mine, Dr. Riley Biers, specialized in high-profile drug rehabilitations and therapy. After going over with him what was being given to Bella and everything that has happened, Riley feels that it could be a co-occurring condition. It's when the physical drug addiction starts to affect one's mental state and a series of other things. It could range from physical, social, and psychological. That's why the treatment is so complex because we're not only going to deal with the addiction, but we're also going to have to make sure her mental stability is being taken care of as well. It makes a difficult situation even more difficult to manage."

My heart hurt at all the possible things that could be wrong with her, but none of it explained why everyone wanted us to be separated. "I still don't see why we have to be apart."

"Edward, when she hits the full spectrum of withdrawal, you will not know what to do. You will have help, of course I know that, but when you see Bella at her worst, begging you to help her, you'll do whatever she wants. It won't happen at first, but soon she will wear you down. Don't stand here and lie to me and tell me that you would deny her something if she asked."

It was almost like he knew I had already started lying for her. _No! He doesn't know anything._

"Dad, come on. You know that I won't do anything to hurt her. I would die for her."

"Damn it, Edward! When you see her suffering, you will WANT to die. You won't be able to handle it, trust me. I know what I am talking about. First, it will be her emotions, they will tear you apart. After that, her body will start to show physical signs of withdrawal. She will throw up, burn with fever, and shake uncontrollably. Hell, she could even have a seizure. When that starts, Edward, when you see her this way…You already feel responsible for her condition, and when she turns on you, that will bring you down even more. No matter what you say, you will break. She will hurl everything she has against you and will abuse you verbally to make you help her get the drug her body might be so desperately craving. You will find yourself lying, stealing, and covering up for her. You will do everything the drug addict isn't allowed to. You will go against the doctor's advice as well as the nurses. You will make excuses for her and yourself."

I felt the panic rise within me and when he got the "I know what you're thinking." look, he knew I was hiding something. Fuck! Of course, he did. He knew me too well. I couldn't lie to him; he was my father. I shook my head and tried to go over his words rationally.

_Just think, Edward, think! _

I filtered through everything in my mind, all the reasons and rational thoughts behind everyone's suggestions. The inner battle between my heart and mind began. Both echoed their thoughts and desires about what was best for my Bella. I tried in vain to come up with something better, _anything _to prove wrong my father's assessment of how I might behave. When I couldn't, I was forced to go over his words one more time.

The veil was lifted, and I could see the two very different paths down which Bella could possibly go. One was filled with sunshine and happiness. It showed her filled with a bright life and love. She was magnificent as she stood tall and confident. I could almost hear the laughter and joy as she called to me. But dark clouds suddenly surrounded her and Bella changed. Her eyes were suddenly lifeless and her body thin and frail. She looked defeated and sad as she stood with her shoulders hunched over. I could almost feel her inner turmoil, and I realized that her eyes held no emotion in them. It was like they were void of life.

The images of Bella seemed so real, I took a step back and shook myself out of the fog.

_This is what they all have been trying to say. _

"Dad?" He could tell right away how scared I was.

"Edward, let me put it to you this way. If you want a life where your wife is strong and confident, you have to do this. If she doesn't do this on her own, she will forever feel like she needs a crutch to lean on. It's never good to become so dependent on each other-that is, if you want a healthy relationship, a healthy marriage. The only way this will work is if she fights this-by herself-without you."

I slid down on the nearest chair and held my head in my hands. "I fucked up again, didn't I? How will I ever get Bella to agree now? Today, we were supposed to be on our way together."

Carlisle kneeled down by me. "She will put up a fight, but you have the fact that the withdrawals haven't fully set in and she's not craving the drug yet. We have a small window of opportunity where we can do this. Edward, you can do this."

I shook my head. "Dad, I think she's having bad mood swings and her hands shake a little."

He took a deep breath and nodded. "It's okay, we still have some time. We can still get her the help she needs. Just trust me. I love you, son."

A painful ache started to pulse in my chest and all I could do was clench my jaw and nod.

"Edward?" I heard Bella's soft voice call for me from the hallway, and I got up instinctively to go to her. "Where are you?"

"In the living room, Bella, in here." I held my voice steady and watched as she walked in with a smile on her face. I reached for her and pulled her to me. "How are you, love?"

"It was horrible at first, but the detective was great. He was kind and courteous, but still, thank God, it's over." She snuggled close and felt amazing against me. I felt a throb in my chest and looked over at Carlisle, who nodded at me before leaving the room.

"Hey, are you okay?" She pulled back from me and looked up into my eyes. "Your heart is beating so fast, baby. What's wrong?"

I couldn't suppress the emotion that was rising within me. I grabbed her shoulders and held her up to kiss her deeply. I pressed her against me and stroked her tongue with mine. I lifted her up by the waist and felt her wrap her arms around my neck. Her soft and beautiful body against me just felt so perfect, so right; it was breaking me apart inside knowing I was going to break her heart.

She pulled away when she needed a necessary breath and panted against me. "Edward, what was that for? What's wrong?"

I kissed her softly again and prayed my resolve wouldn't break. I tried to remember that helping Bella fix herself, on her own terms, was the only way we could really have a chance at forever.

_Just remember when she is better she will understand why you had to do this. _ It didn't dull the pain or take away the ache. I knew she would fight me. Deep inside all I could do was pray that she would forgive me, eventually.

"Bella, love, we need to talk."

The icy cold wind blew all around us, and the cutting sensation across my skin only seemed appropriate considering today was the day that Bella and I were going to be separated.

I watched as Bella hugged everyone goodbye, trying to hold her tears in check. I watched as everyone she called family surrounded her and gave many words of encouragement and support. It cut me to the core to see her hands trembling as she reached out for Jasper. I wanted nothing more than to hold onto her hands and warm them with my own. Even so, I knew it wouldn't do any good. Bella was furious at me. Her emotions a few days ago went from nervous to violent in a matter of moments.

As soon as Bella realized what I was telling her, she broke down. She begged me not to lose faith in her; she pleaded with me to tell her what had happened in those few moments I was away from her. She panicked and asked me if I had second thoughts about us, and if I was regretting everything. No matter how much I told her that it wasn't the case, no matter how much I begged her to see why this had to be done, Bella couldn't accept it. Then her urgent pleading devolved into anger that morphed into violence. She was sweating and shaking and spewing out angry words. Fear and agony raced through me when started to unleash her fury, but I couldn't let anyone see her this way. I told everyone to get out when they came racing in after Bella started throwing knickknacks and picture frames around the room. She never once threw them at me; she just picked them up and smashed them on the floor. I stood still and watched, trying to speak up when I felt she would allow herself to hear me. Finally, when she was exhausted and deprived of energy, she sank to the floor and cried her heart out. Over and over, she sobbed that she didn't want me to give up on her and send her away. She kept telling me she could do this but begged me to remain by her side.

She almost broke me, until I realized she wasn't only talking about everything that had happened recently; she was talking about all the times she felt abandoned when she was kid. I realized that the woman I was staring at was showing more and more of the little girl who had watched her mother get blown to bits, than the proud and vigilant woman I had married.

I slid to the floor and picked up her defeated body and held her close to me until the next morning, when she finally agreed to go and meet with Dr. Biers. We barely spoke after that; the pain of what we were about to go through just seemed to overwhelm us into silence. Today, I just clung to the hope that she would have something to say to me before she boarded the private plane to Forks.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear Carlisle walk up until he spoke to me. "I talked to Riley. He is going to meet everyone in Forks. We have the house in Port Angeles already prepared. Your mother, Charlie, and Riley, along with his private staff, will make sure to keep us updated and aware of everything."

I nodded silently and just watched Bella bite her nails nervously as Rose spoke to her and hugged her close.

"Edward?"

I turned to Carlisle. "Sorry, I'm a million miles away."

"I know, son, but remember this is for the best. At least Bella will be able to write to you. That's something, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." I still didn't understand why the fuck I couldn't call my wife. I mean, she was going to be supervised for almost twenty-four hours a day; how could a phone call hurt?

Bella approached me slowly and finally looked up when she stood toe-to-toe with me. I held her face in my hands and looked into her tear-filled eyes. I watched as her lower lip quivered and the tears began to spill over.

"Baby, I know this is hard, especially because of our history. Bella, please, just trust me. Please." I kept my voice as strong and sturdy as I could.

She nodded slowly. "I know, Edward."

She didn't say anything else and just stood there, watching me.

The silence between us was ripping me apart to a point where I couldn't take it. I opened my mouth to say something-anything. But Charlie walked up from behind me before I had a chance.

"Bella, darling, it's time to go." Charlie walked over and took her handbag. "Come on, baby girl."

"Okay, Dad," she whispered, her eyes never wavering from mine. "Edward, I have to go. I'll see you when they let me, okay?"

Hearing the despair and defeat in her voice almost made me cling to her, but I had to be strong. So, I nodded and fought to keep from reaching for her. Bella quickly took a step back from me. I watched her take a few more steps away with the saddest, most sorrowful look in her eyes. She took hold of Esme's hand, and they walked to the private plane on the airfield.

I wanted to reach out and call to her, reassure her that I loved her and everything would be all right, but I just knew I couldn't because I really didn't know if everything would be.

Charlie stopped and turned to me. "I know this is the hardest thing in the world for you. I'm sorry you both are in so much pain, son. Really, I am. I don't want you to worry too much. Getting her on that plane to get help is the first and hardest step. I promise you I will do everything I can to help her make a full recovery, okay?"

I tried to pay attention but remained focused on Bella as she walked away.

_Please forgive me, Bella. Please just forgive me._

"Son, this is my second chance, you know?" I looked over at Charlie. "This is my opportunity to finally do what I should I have done years ago. I won't mess it up. I swear."

At last, I understood why it was so important for Charlie to be there. Not only because he was a recovering addict himself, and knew the hardships that lay ahead, but also because he needed this to heal his relationship with his daughter. It was almost like they were starting from that point in the past where everything went wrong and healing her from that moment forward. He was going to make sure that all their wounds got healed together.

_God! I hope I'm the man she needs me to be. I hope I can remain strong until she gets back._

I watched as Bella almost made it to the first step of the stairs, when she suddenly turned around and ran to me. The panic that was within her was vibrating off her in waves. Without a second thought, I started to run toward her.

She flung herself at me, and I scooped her up, never missing a beat. "Bella, what's wrong, baby? What happened?"

"I couldn't do it, not without telling you that I love you, Edward. I'm so sorry for how I reacted yesterday. I know why I have to do this without you, but I'm just so selfish, I don't want to. I love you! I didn't mean any of the horrible things I said to you. Please forgive me, and just love me." Bella sobbed against me and my heart melted as she spoke.

I held her back and kissed her passionately. "You are strong and fierce. This poison that has seeped itself into our lives, we need to get rid of it. Kick its ass and come back to me, Bella. Free yourself once and for all. You know that no matter what distance is between us, I am always with you, sweetheart. You are not alone, never think that. Ilove you more than anything or anyone that could ever exist on this earth. Our love is so strong, Bella. It will always prevail, no matter what the challenge."

She nodded quickly and tried to hold her quivering lower lip still.

"I'll do it, Edward. I promise I will do my best. I love you-I love you so much." She cried against me, and I wrapped her legs around my waist as I kissed and soothed her some more. Every step I took toward the plane had my heart tearing with emotional agony. My hands shook and my mind raced through reasons I was wrong for letting her go, but I knew I had to be strong for the both of us.

She kissed me one last time, disentangled herself from me, and took Charlie's hand to walk up the steps. I felt my mother hug me as she told me to be strong, before she walked up to take her seat. I slowly took a few steps back and watched with dread as the jet started to prepare for takeoff.

I heard the screeching noise and rumble that brought the plane to life. I felt the warmth of the gasoline-infused air that blew around me.

I stood in the same spot as the jet took off, and watched as my whole heart and reason for living disappeared into the clear blue sky. It was only when Bella's plane was a small dot in the horizon that I crumpled to the ground. I took deep breaths and tried to push away the desolate and vulnerable feeling that I felt, now that I was alone again without her.


	28. Chapt 25 Rising from the Ashes

**AN: Hello Everyone, remember me! I'm so sorry that it had taken me so long to update. As most of you know I decided last year to re-edit TDDOM with the help of Project Team Beta. During that process, real life hit me pretty hard with major obstacles. Nevertheless, after having won and lost some major life battles, I am back. For those of you who have wanted to know, yes my mother-in-law has beaten her Lymphoma, and is living life strong! But my grandfather who struggled since June of last year from a stroke, passed away last month. Please remember me in your good thoughts and prayers. **

**Thank you to everyone on FF, TWCS, and Twilighted who have taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. **

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Twenty Five**

Rising from the Ashes

Walking away from Edward was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. The fearful look in his eyes almost had me breaking the promise that I would be strong and get through this. There was nothing I wanted more than to throw my word out the window and just cling to him. The desperation I felt for him was one I had never felt before. My mind was consumed with thoughts of my husband, and I tried to calm myself by remembering the soothing words we parted with.

Edward made sense with the reasons he gave when he said that doing this on my own would mean so much to our relationship, and the road we would have to navigate in order to take back our lives would be that much stronger. I agreed that working with Dr. Biers privately would only help make my recovery and marriage successful. But, no matter how eloquent a speech Edward had made, the hollow feeling I felt inside knowing that he and I had indeed gone our separate way -again- was just too difficult to accept.

I couldn't stop the tears or the tremors my body felt when my emotions got the best of me. When the sound of my sobs reached Charlie and Esme, they took turns sitting by me and trying to comfort me, until we made our descent to the private airstrip right outside of Port Angeles.

When we slowly exited the plane, I tried to keep a brave face. Slipping on my sunglasses, I pulled my jacket collar up to give myself something to hide behind. As I exited the plane and stepped onto the staircase I looked up at the sky and noticed the gray clouds and dreary weather. They were the perfect accessory to my sour mood.

Against Sam's advice, I got into the car and slid closest to the window. After Charlie and Esme got seated, the caravan of SUVs started for the main road with our car in the middle. I sat with my hands clutched in my lap and focused on the endless rows of trees that we passed. The farther and farther we drove from the airport the more my knees started to shake. I tried to think calming thoughts and forced myself to hold it together. Nevertheless, no matter how much I tried to control my body from shaking, no matter how many long breaths I took, nothing helped to curb the rising fear within me.

When we pulled off to a secluded driveway and drove up a long winding path, it didn't escape my notice that we were very close to La Push.

_Jacob._

Visions of a young Jacob and myself riding bikes, fishing and hiking all over La Push came rushing back. The times we had spent together, when life was so simple and pure, where happiness came easy. I pressed my eyes shut and was thankful that my dark shades kept them hidden from view. However, the single tear that escaped down my cheek gave me away, and Charlie reached over and gave my knee a sympathetic squeeze.

When we turned into a hidden gravel drive a little way past La Push, I willed away the unsettling thoughts of Jacob, and I stared straight ahead as we approached the beautiful house at the end of the path.

"Esme, whose house is this?" I asked as the car stopped.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Esme looked over at the house and smiled. "I made some calls hoping to lease a furnished place in a secluded area. That, and the fact that it is near La Push, would make it easier for your security team to keep a close eye on things, since they all are so familiar with the surrounding area."

Esme patted my knee, took Charlie's outstretched hand and exited the car. I slipped my sunglasses back on and made a silent prayer for strength before I followed.

The meeting with Dr. Biers went surprisingly well, mainly because I just sat there while Esme and Charlie did all the talking. While the introductions were being made to some of the staff that Dr. Biers had with him, I stood silently in the back and ignored them for the most part.

It was hard to concentrate on anything when all I wanted was my old life back. All I wanted was Edward.

It seemed impossible to regain any control on my emotions, because any thoughts of Edward would send me into an emotional meltdown. If anyone noticed, they didn't let on, and thankfully, Dr. Biers kept the meeting short before he walked me to my room.

The room I was going to be staying in was on the second floor of the house. It had a large sitting area and an attached bathroom. After a few parting words about how his staff would be checking on me periodically, Dr. Biers finally made his exit.

As soon as I heard the door shut behind him, I slumped to the floor and collapsed into myself. I unleashed the sobs that I had been holding at bay.

My situation seemed impossible to overcome. The thoughts and guilt of the mistakes I had made over the last four years seemed to play out, over and over again. I was desperate.

I needed help, and after everything that had been revealed, I didn't even know if I believed in God anymore. I knew my blasphemous thoughts would have stunned my mother were she alive and with me. In my heart, I didn't even know if I would've cared. All I knew was I was tired of all the mistakes and controlling behavior.

Frankly, I was tired of being a victim. While I knew I would never really be able to change everything about myself or my life, I had to have faith that I could change enough to take back some control in an effort to determine my destiny. The desperate need to have an existence that was mine, and mine alone, and filled with happiness, and of course contentment with Edward, was the only goal I had chance at. It was the truth, and I accepted it.

In my agonizing state, I found myself fighting to believe that there was a god. There had to be, right? I mean, who else could save me? I found myself whispering prayers I hadn't uttered since I had lost the baby. They were filled with despair and longing to get to a better place. My pleas were filled with words to find the strength and clarity to defeat whatever it seemed to be holding me back.

I wanted the anger and pain of all the betrayal from Aro to Jacob and Leah to leave my heart. I was willing to forgive and forget everything in order to have chance at the life I had always wanted.

Lying down on my side, I didn't even bother climbing into the bed. The cold and hard floor was my resting place for the time being. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I continued to pray in between the sobs.

I hoped that in the morning I would feel better and would be ready to take the steps to fight for myself and control of my life. But, deep down, I knew it wouldn't be that easy. After everything I had gone through, the one thing that was always a constant was the struggle to achieve even the simplest things in life. Why would my recovery be any different?

_Four days later…_

It seemed like time had suddenly stood still, and I was on fire. The pain was so unbearable. My whole body and my soul were a massive ball of flames. I glanced at myself in the mirror and saw my nude body covered in hues of red, orange and yellow. When I caught sight of my eyes, they were no longer brown. They were deep blue and filled with heat. My hair wasn't burnt or shriveled up little bits of ash; it was alive and angry flames framed my face.

I fell to my knees and prayed for the pain to go away. I screamed in agony when I realized what was happening to me. I felt my skin bubbling; sadly, it was something I had felt before when I awoke from surviving the car bomb blast in Italy that had killed my mother. This, however, was so much worse. That was _nothing _compared to what I was witnessing in watching myself burn.

I started to crawl and felt the shooting pain course through me with each pitiful move I made. It seemed forever that I crawled with no respite, no idea where I was going, and no sense of where I could find relief. When the pain reached its unbearable point, and I knew I couldn't do it anymore, I lay myself down in despair.

Finally, the fight left me, and I did something I swore I wouldn't when I had come back to Forks in search of strength to take my life back- I surrendered myself to defeat.

My defenses were so weak that I finally decided it was my time. I was living on borrowed time as it was. There were so many instances when my number had been called, so many places where I was supposed to just _die_. However, I had always skirted around death, dodged the bullet or had someone there to bring me back from the brink.

_But, not this time_.

No, this time I was all alone. I was burning alive, and I couldn't for the life of me remember why I had fought so hard to battle the inevitable.

_This is it, Bella, just accept it. Lie down and just die. It's better for you. _

_Just die_.

I closed my eyes and tried to let this all end in dignity. I allowed myself comfort in the fact that this was my choice.

Who the fuck was I kidding? I wanted to laugh at the lies I was still willing to tell myself.

Suddenly, I felt a soft cooling wind. It was so subtle that I almost missed it.

"_Bella…"_

I didn't know if it was my insane subconscious trying one last _fight_ before it melted away in the flames.

"_Bella…"_

Then I heard it again. This time I paid attention. I slowly opened my eyes and saw the smoke rising from my body.

"_Bella, baby, look at me…"_

Waves of sheer agony shot through me, but I did my best and slowly turned in the direction of _his_ voice.

I saw nothing but smoke and flames all around me, but I squinted when I saw a dark figure in a hooded robe emerge from the flames. Each step he took produced a thudding echo, and that sent tremors all around me. He stopped when he reached my scorched body, and all I saw was the darkness hiding his face inside of the hood.

"_Bella…"_

_His_ voice was so sweet and filled with life. It wasn't anything like I had imagined the _Grim Reaper_ to be. I didn't sense the doom or ending of my life. It was almost like everything was paused.

I glanced around me and realized that I was still burning, but it was all in slow motion. I shot my glance back at him, and I swear I saw him standing in front of me.

_No! It can't be! Edward can't be the Grim Reaper. He can't be the one who is here to bring me to the end!_

I tried to shake my head but found the pain was too much to even move. I tried to scream out for him to get away, but my voice seemed to have abandoned me. God, I wanted to cry. I didn't want to die this way. I didn't want him to see me so utterly pitiful having succumbed to defeat.

I closed my eyes and turned away from him and tried in vain to just die.

"_Bella, fight…"_

"No," I mouthed in desperation. "I can't do this anymore."

"_Bella, I love you."_

"I love you too, Edward."

_If you love me, then fight for me. Fight for what you love. Don't give up on me, Bella. Don't give up on yourself._

A cool breeze blew across my face, and I opened my eyes to see the fire start to slow its burn. I turned my face to see my extraordinary man kneeling down by me. I saw his attractive lean fingers reach up and pull back the hood to reveal his beautiful face. His eyes were alive, a vibrant green mixed with specs of moss and gold.

He smiled at me, and that simple act took my breath away. I thought it was my last breath; I felt so close to the end. I tried in vain to take a breath knowing it would only fill my throat with a heated gust of air that would be filled-with smog and soot. It shocked me when the air I filled my lungs with was soothing and cool.

I almost smiled when I felt the immediate relief inside my body.

"_Bella, please fight."_

I nodded and slowly took a deep breath in and released the cooling air out. Little by little, I watched the chilled, almost ice-like breath that I exhaled form a mist that covered my body. I was shocked at what I was witnessing and glanced up at Edward, who smiled and kneeled next to me.

His gaze held an almost unreadable expression, but I swear I could see happiness in his eyes at my discovery.

I repeated taking in a breath and exhaling to find that I was able to blow away the flames that fanned all over my body.

"Oh my God," I cried out in happiness. I looked back to Edward and found he had slowly stood. Confused, I called out to him. "Edward?"

He continued to smile as his body slowly drifted backwards.

"Wait, Edward, come back." I called to him but he continued his descent. "Please don't leave me!"

"_I've never left you; I'm right here. Fight it. Just come to me." _

My body screamed in pain as I attempted to move. I pressed my palms on the small heated embers that remained on the ground and pushed myself up.

The flames were gone, but the burn remained as I took slow determined steps toward Edward's cloaked body.

The smoky atmosphere started to dissipate, and my room started to come into focus. It was as if someone flipped a switch, and everything was radiant. The soft yellow light of the room seemed to shine so brightly that it lit up the entire room quickly, and the fire that surrounded us all but disappeared.

I blinked, trying to regain focus of my surroundings, and slowly stepped forward to look for Edward. But, he was nowhere to be found. I focused on a very large mirror in the middle of the room and realized there wasn't a reflection of myself. Instead, I was horrified to see painful moments of my life on display.

It was like my memories and nightmares were being projected similarly to a twisted segment of _"This is Your Life."_

I saw the car that my mother and I had gotten into in Italy.

Suddenly I watched myself waking up and meeting Aro for the first time and hearing the news that my mother was dead.

I observed myself coming home and witnessing the anger and pain my father had gone through.

I saw the fear and rejection I felt when I realized I was a freak all alone in a school where no one cared to look past the scars to see who I really was.

I watched myself waking up to Esme and Jacob at my bedside after each and every painful surgery, when all I wanted was my father to be there.

I gasped when I watched myself taking those wobbly steps away from Edward in the airport, after meeting him for first time in Chicago, and feeling that I probably would never see him again.

I saw myself listening to Charlie and Jacob's comments about how Edward would never want a girl like me, and trying to fight against the idea that he would rip my heart out.

I saw how my world shattered when I watched Charlie refusing to accept Edward when he asked for my hand in marriage and telling us to get out.

The tears began when I watched and felt the pain of my wedding day. Where I stood made into a vision that Alice and Esme had created for me. I watched as my lace and chiffon covered body stood by the window and prayed that my father changed his mind. I hoped that he loved me enough to give in to the one and only thing I had ever asked of him.

My heart clenched when I realized I was watching the night that changed everything. I watched as my sopping wet form walked in the house and looked for my husband, only to find that naked temptress in our bed.

I held a fist to my mouth to stop myself from screaming at the pain that ripped through me. I closed my eyes, almost wanting to turn around and search for the flames of oblivion again, but Edward's voice called to me.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw my beloved in the reflection of the mirror. Still covered in a dark robe, he came up behind me and stood so close I could feel his breath on my neck. He held my eyes with his seductive gaze and lowered his lips to my ear. He kissed the outer edge before he tilted my head to the side, which gave him better access to kiss my neck. I slowly closed my eyes and pressed myself into his hard chest.

Edward's firm grip on my hips pulled me closer to him, and I felt his touch become more and more fierce.

His words flashed across my mind. "_Fight this, Bella. Don't leave me."_

I closed my eyes for a moment and mustered whatever energy I had left to keep watching the images that displayed my anger and fury at Edward's presumed betrayal. I watched the moment that I fell down the stairs in Italy- a moment that was my first steps into truly losing my soul.

I sobbed and hiccupped as I watched my overdose and the painful way Jacob and Leah hovered over me during my supposed recovery.

I watched in agony as my descent into madness from my addiction to alcohol and my unknown addiction to Haloperidol, Oxycodone, Ativian, and Xanax started to take form.

When I reached the point of my time in Chicago, my knees threatened to give way from beneath me, and I had to reach out and hold onto Edward for strength. I witnessed Edward screaming for me on that cool balcony after the gala.

That moment suddenly morphed to my fearful discovery that my mother's gravestone had been pulled up and rooted in my hotel room and defaced with a horrible message for me.

I wanted to close my eyes when I watched the moment I told Edward the truth of our baby and having hidden the news from him.

Watching Edward hurl his hateful and angry words at me as he left me broken on the floor, morphed into Edward holding me as we walked back to our suite.

My heart broke to watch myself crumble in his arms as he held me close that night, whispering how we wished things had been different.

My body fought the urge to flee as I began to witness the day I was attacked in the restaurant bathroom. I could almost feel the beast's hands on my throat as he tried to steal my life from me.

Pressing my face to the palms of my hands, I started to cry uncontrollably. The pain just seemed too much to even be able to overcome.

"_Bella, you can do this." _

"No, I can't." My voice was scratchy and barely audible.

"_Yes, you can."_

I looked up to search for Edward's eyes. Even though he held me so close, I felt that our happiness was still so far away.

"Don't you see? I'm not that strong. I can't do this. I don't know what I'm even really supposed to do."

"_Keep fighting, not only for yourself, but for me too. You can beat this." _

Edward leaned down and gave me a fierce kiss.

"_Please, Bella, don't leave me. Ever."_

I let myself go in his kiss. I let myself feel everything that I was so afraid I would never feel again. I wanted to tell him that I didn't have any intention of going anywhere, but before I could utter the words, he pushed me away from him and made me turn around.

When I opened my eyes and turned to look at his reflection, I screamed when I came face to face with myself. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I didn't know why I was staring at myself, but I wanted Edward back.

I kept shaking my head and was so confused to what the hell was going on. Finally after a few minutes, the hooded Bella pointed behind me. I turned to look at the mirror and saw myself lying on the bed with Esme and Charlie at my bedside. I didn't understand if I was watching myself die or what.

The robe covered figure of myself whispered into my ear so softly I almost didn't hear her. "You are at a turning point. You can fight and live, or you can give up and come with me now."

"I don't understand? What is happening?" I asked out loud.

"You're at your end or at your new beginning." I heard myself whisper.

"What the hell does that mean?" My voice was filled with fear at what I was witnessing.

The Bella behind me reached forward and pointed at the mirror. "If you want to take your life back and continue the fight, go to her. If you are done fighting and want everything to be over come with me and we will be done with this."

I didn't know how to answer. I was dumbfounded. The idea that all the pain I had suffered and all the mishaps that had befallen me would be over seemed so appealing. But I continued to watch myself through the mirror and somehow couldn't believe that this was how it would end: me in a bed unable to cope with the withdrawal with Esme and Charlie at my bedside.

No, this was not how I wanted to leave this earth. I wanted to be old and filled with wonderful memories of love, happiness and children-lots and lots of children.

It couldn't end this way. It just couldn't.

"If I go back now, will I be happy with the time I have left?" I had to ask just in case she could give me the answer.

The robe-covered version of me slowly lifted the hood to hide her face. "I wish I could tell you, but that is for you to find out. You've made your decision. Live with it, and when the time comes, I will come back for you."

With a blink of an eye, I watched the angel of death version of myself fade into the corner of my room. I turned to look at the mirror that reflected a grief-stricken room, and I slowly touched the mirror enough to step through it. I felt myself start to float as I came into the room and past the forms of Esme and Charlie. I took a deep breath and touched my fever-stricken head and felt myself getting sucked back into my body.

And when I opened my eyes, I was staring back at Esme and Charlie, who seemed relieved that I had woken up.

I looked around the room and realized that there were heart monitors and IVs hooked up to me. Dr. Biers was standing near my bedside writing something down very quickly.

When I turned back to Esme and Charlie, they both were leaning forward, and Charlie was reaching for my hand.

"Dad?" My voice came out scratchy and dry. "What's going on?"

My normally stoic father clutched my hand in his and smiled a jittery smile. "It's gonna be okay, Bella. Everything is fine now."

Esme let out a little sob and quickly leaned forward to kiss my cheek. "Would you like something to drink, Bella? You sound very thirsty."

I nodded slowly and tried to sit up. My body felt like jelly, and I couldn't move without Charlie's help. Dr. Biers quickly rattled off some words of being strong and having gotten through the worst of things, before he exited the room with Esme.

Leaning back on the pillows that Charlie had behind me, we sat quietly, looking at each other. I didn't think it was possible but the weight of the world that Charlie had carried around with him since my mother died seemed to have disappeared. He sat my bedside and held my hand, squeezing it occasionally.

Esme rushed back in with a glass of ice water and a straw. She helped me take slow sips and sat back on the other side of the bed, and stroking my face with a warm towel she had brought with her.

"Bella, darling, are you hungry? I spoke to Dr. Biers, and he feels that if you are up to it, a light soup might be okay. You've been in and out for a few days now, and well, while we've had an IV hooked up to you, I just feel maybe eating something might be good for you." Esme sat back, and I took in the weight of her words.

I had been in and out for a few days. The last real thing I even remembered was arriving and being emotional. Everything was just so hazy that I knew it would probably take a bit to get back everything I was blanking out.

"Baby girl, what do you think? Soup sounds good right?" Charlie asked eagerly.

I looked out the window and gazed at the cloudy gray sky above before answering.

"Soup sounds nice, Esme. But, what I really want is Edward." I pulled my eyes away from the sky and glanced back over at them both.

Charlie stared at me for a moment and then looked over at Esme. "How about you get the soup, Esme, and I'll call Edward."


	29. Chapt 26 Coming Out of the Dark

**Thank you to everyone on FF, TWCS, and Twilighted who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. **

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me.**

**Hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving! **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Twenty-six

Coming Out of the Dark

The sun was just starting to rise when I tiptoed through the quiet house. The cool air caused chill bumps to form on my arms, and I quickly rubbed them for warmth. I nodded good morning to the night guard who turned to look at me from his post by the front window as I made my way to the kitchen. The aroma of the strongly brewed coffee filled the room when I poured the dark roast into my cup. I bent my head and took another whiff of the rich flavor before I added my cream and sugar. I leaned back against the counter and took a long drink before I let the more serious thoughts fill my mind.

I wished it was as easy as asking for Edward to make him appear before me. In real life, things didn't work that way.

According to Dr. Biers, I first had to purge myself of the personal demons that plagued me before I could start working on my relationship with Edward.

Dr. Biers worked slowly, cautiously, and treated me with care. When he would talk and ask me questions, at first I felt we were getting nowhere. It frustrated me to the point where I almost lost faith in his therapy, but Dr. Biers wouldn't let me give up. He didn't hold my hand or coddle me but, for a lack of a better word, he made me grow up.

It wasn't until I actually came to understand the self-imposed weight of despair I had willingly chained around myself that I was able to see that my mind held the key to open the locks that held me back. That was what Dr. Biers was trying to help me figure out—how to set myself free.

It was hard—correction—it was agonizing to sit and talk with him. It wasn't anything like you see on television. There wasn't a nice leather couch on which I lay and poured out my heart and soul—after which Dr. Biers would dissect and present me with the perfect answer to solve all of my issues.

No, Dr. Biers made me work to come up with the reasons why I would behave or feel a certain way. The worst part of all it was when he made me talk about when my mother died. It was excruciating, and I was sure when I got through it that there couldn't be anything else that would ever be equal to that amount of pain. This, however, was before he asked me about losing the baby.

When the story of that fateful day tumbled out of my mouth, my heart hurt in a way that I never imagined. It wasn't just the process of losing the baby and the events that led up to it—it was also losing the dreams, the wants and desires that went along with it.

Most importantly, Dr. Biers made me go to the source of my hurt and really come face-to-face with the loss of the happiness I would have felt in fulfilling a role that seemed so natural to me. He helped me understand that when I lost my pregnancy, I lost the inner wish I had to recreate the life I had with my mother.

After all, the only time in my life that was truly normal was when my mother was alive.

The pain I felt when I realized the reasons why I almost willingly gave up and turned a blind-eye to the events that were happening around me and the actions of Jacob and Aro—the truth that instead I wanted to give up control to anyone—because I couldn't face the reality of my situation. Those thoughts were so agonizing to think about.

I was just so weak.

It was after those sessions that I yearned for Edward the most. I wanted to hold him, smell him and just bury myself in him. It was the protective embrace that Edward used to surround me with that I so desperately craved.

Since Edward was not allowed to come to see me until I was properly mentally dissected by Dr. Biers, a late night phone call was all I really had to look forward to.

There were some days I lived to hear his voice, and then there were times I couldn't wait to tell him of the progress I had made.

The soft, soothing words that my husband showered on me always brightened my day. It reminded me that he loved me. It wasn't the cheesy type of love either; it was the deep-in-your-bones type of love. Edward always called when he was supposed to. It didn't matter what time, where, and if he was caught in late-night meeting with representatives from wherever, my amazing man always called.

The relief I heard in his voice the first night I was able to talk to him always stayed with me. He was so worried and stressed over my health that I couldn't hold my emotions when we spoke. I ended up a blubbering mess that night, and of course Edward spent the night reassuring me that our time apart was worth it.

Not every conversation was soothing and loving; there were times when the tension of being apart made being civil almost impossible. It was like prison. I was on the inside trying to earn my freedom, and Edward was my faithful man who had to keep vigil until I was let go.

When my mood was ugly, I would take something small and make it more of an issue than necessary.

It was unfair to both of us, but we had to endure.

Regardless of our issues, we found a middle ground to work on and grow from. Even if we were frustrated and apart, the desire I felt to be with him was more alive than ever.

When I thought about the times where I had questioned Edward's love for me, it, drove me insane. The fact that I could have avoided all the pain that I caused, not only to myself, but to Edward as well, it was a hard pill to swallow.

I refused, however, to keep being a victim to the negative beliefs that I seemed to so readily accept. Dr. Biers had very quickly brought to my attention the need to analyze everything down to a fault. His constant questions about how I felt about things, and why I would feel the need to dwell on them, gave me perspective on how my mind would process something—especially when I was under a great deal of stress.

It was coming to terms with those issues that kept the craziness away, especially during moments when I felt it near impossible to dive deeper and examine my feelings on the betrayal I felt from Leah, Jacob and Aro. I didn't want to think about them. Honestly, I was happy to walk away and never think about them again. But things didn't work that way in therapy or the real world. I couldn't skip over the topics that I decided I didn't want to talk about.

One night while playing poker with Charlie, he brought up the topic of Aro. He mentioned how Aro insisted that he speak with me and had contacted Carlisle and Charlie the moment I was whisked away to Forks. Jasper and Rosalie did an amazing job of drafting the proper paperwork to freeze any and all business dealings with Aro that had my name on it.

Due to the abrupt nature of my rehabilitation, they were only able to legally freeze my accounts and businesses. This way, retaliation Aro might have wanted to unleash on me through my businesses, would be impossible.

The very act of sending such a letter to Aro offended him greatly. The mere thought that I could think that he would steal from me was the greatest insult to him.

I would be lying if I said the idea of angering him didn't freak me out. Aro Volutri wasn't a man who anyone dealt with lightly. He was respected mainly because he was feared. To those he loved, he was a gentle soul who would surround you with love, affection, and protection. However, when you earned his anger, you brought out the worst part of him. I heard the stories and had seen the fear-stricken eyes of those who told them. It was because I loved him and so desperately wanted to only see the best in him that I turned a deaf ear to the stories that would paint my grandfather as a monster.

_If any of the dangerous stories about Aro are true then couldn't it be true that he could be responsible for trying to hurt you? _

_But why? What did I ever do to him? Did he blame me for Renee's death? _

_No! He hunted down the responsible party and dealt with him. He said so himself, that he had wiped their very existence from this earth. _

_If not Aro, then who? Think, Bella, think. How can you not know? _

A memory popped into my mind; it was one that I had dreamed of often since I came to rehab.

It was always hazy at first, but when things came into focus, it was always the same thing. I was in a dimly lit room and heard a constant beeping sound, which eventually I realized had to be a hospital monitor.

While trying to unsuccessfully get up, I would hear Jacob screaming at someone, and from the sound of his voice, he was not in the same room as me. I couldn't make out the words, but it was obvious from his tone that he was upset. Then there was a flash of light before it became dim again, like someone had opened and shut the door. I knew it wasn't Jacob since his voice was still screaming in the background.

Then I would hear a slow shuffle of footsteps which brought the blurry figure to my bedside. Every time I thought of how I felt in that moment, the hairs on my arms would stand straight up. I remembered being so afraid.

When I tried to speak, a soft feminine voice told me it was going to be all right and to rest. And when the drowsiness set in, I remember her sniffling before she whispered she was, s_orry._

Before I had a chance to ask what for, the door opened and the figure turned, quickly gasping.

"_What are you doing in here? Don't you know if they see you, it will ruin everything?" _a man whispered fiercely to her.

The silhouetted man didn't give her a chance to respond; he just grabbed the woman around the shoulders and ushered her out.

I shook my head as the memory stuck in my spelling dissipated. I couldn't make out from her voice or blurry figure who she was. Regardless, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was important—it had to be.

_When did this happen? Italy? New York? Could there be something else I don't remember?_

"Bella?" I looked over my shoulder and saw Charlie standing in the doorway to the kitchen. "Are you doing okay, baby girl?"

Nodding quickly, I gave him room to pour himself a cup of coffee. Wrapping an arm around myself protectively, I took another drink from my mug. Charlie stood watching me as I tried to hide behind my coffee cup.

"Bad dream?" he asked quietly.

"No, just thinking." Looking away, I poured the rest of my coffee down the drain and started to rinse the cup.

"What's got you so stressed this morning?" He lifted his finger to stop me from responding. "And don't tell me _nothing_, because we both know you definitely have something running circles in your mind. Is it Edward? Are you stressed because you still haven't seen him?"

I sucked on my lower lip before responding. "It's not only being separated from Edward; it's everything. I'm sick of all of this-the waiting and wondering what is going to happen next. This whole thing with Aro is just crazy. I grew up thinking my grandfather was my great uncle and now, along with processing all of that, I'm beginning to wonder what he would have to gain by my death."

Charlie slowly put the cup down on the counter and cleared his throat. "I know that it's a lot to process. The hurt and the betrayal, I get all of it, but I still feel you need to only focus on your recovery. You're not alone in this anymore. Edward, me, and the entire Cullen family are behind you."

I debated telling him about the fragmented dreams I had been having but didn't feel strong enough to disclose just yet.

"I know I should, but I can't help this feeling I have inside of me. It's like I'm missing something really important, and if I don't focus on it, I might never figure it out."

"Is there something you're starting to remember? Do you think you might've blocked something out? It's not uncommon for people to block out traumatic situations and forget key events." I heard Charlie's inner cop coming to the surface from his statement.

"No, it's nothing really. Just my overactive imagination trying to pull something out of nothing, that's all. Don't worry, Dad. I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Because we can sit down and go over anything you want." Charlie persisted.

"No, really, it's okay."

Charlie thought a minute before he walked toward me and folded me into a secure hug.

"I know I let you down. There is nothing I regret more than not being there for you when we lost your mother. Regardless, I want you to know I'm not going to let you down now. So let us worry about the other stuff because we've got your back."

I let out a deep sigh and spoke a muffled "Thanks" into Charlie's chest.

It was so comforting to hear him say those words. Granted, ever since my meltdown in New York and the decision to go under Dr. Biers' care, Charlie had been nothing but supportive. During my volatile recovery from my addiction to painkillers, Charlie hadn't left my side. He even moved into the rehab house and stayed on the same floor as me.

Learning to trust him with my emotions was hard at first. History had shown that Charles Swan was a stubborn man who didn't tend to agree with anyone's opinion but his own. I didn't want to open up at first, but when Charlie took the difficult steps and broke the ice, it was hard not to follow. He started expressing his feelings about how he had failed me, and it forced me to take a leap of faith and start to open up. My effort and trust weren't lost on him, because Charlie hasn't let me down since.

Even t the sit-down sessions we had had together with Dr. Biers helped us both gain some perspective on what the other was going through when we lost Mom.

Both of us found a way to go back there to that horrible time and pull from it what we needed to move forward. While not everything was fully spoken about—yet—enough was brought up and discussed to help us set foundation on which to build.

He let me go when we heard the housekeeper and kitchen staff members walk into the kitchen to start on breakfast. Charlie motioned toward the back porch, and I followed him out. We stood there quietly and stared out at the evergreens which were sprinkled with snow that looked like white dust. For some reason, it was that instant with my dad that just meant so much to me.

We stood there together without any resentment or strife. There wasn't any hidden agenda or personal gain; we both just stood there and took in the quiet calm together.

There were so many times in the past, especially when things between Edward and me were at their worst, that I had wished I'd had the support and comfort that a daughter needed from her father. It hadn't existed between Charlie and me. But that was all in the past now, because after all the insanity and horrifying stages I went through, I finally had what I needed—the feelings of support and the validation I so desperately craved.

I closed my eyes, smiled and took the time to take in the moment. I sighed deeply when a light and airy feeling filled me with happiness.

I took a confident breath and inhaled the cool air; it felt glorious to just stand there and feel. When I blinked back the tears of happiness that filled my vision, I reached up and fanned my eyes.

The action wasn't lost on Charlie who stepped closer and hesitantly asked, "Bella, are you sure you're okay?"

Without a second thought, I uttered the words, "I am now, Dad. I am now."

Deep down inside, I really was.

An: I'm in the process of editing chapter 27. I'm hoping to update soon. xoxo-FunkyD.


	30. Chapt 27 Unexpected Visitors

**Thank you to everyone on FF, TWCS, and Twilighted who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. **

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Twenty-Seven

**Unexpected Visitors**

After my emotional morning, Charlie and I were scheduled to have a sit-down with Dr. Biers. The elation I had been feeling since the morning was still flowing through me.

Maybe some of it had transferred over to Charlie because we both sat there beaming with happiness and positivity.

Dr. Biers commented over and over at how much we both seemed to be in sync with each other.

Feeling a little bit brave and tired of being cooped up, I asked if there was a chance that I could take a trip out to see the house I grew up in.

Before Dr. Biers even had a chance to respond, Charlie piped up that he felt it was a great idea. He spoke about cabin fever setting in and maybe some time with him at our family home might be nice.

THe normally uptight and very stiff Dr. Biers smiled before he told me that he thought a change of scenery might do both Charlie and me some good. I jumped up and hugged the man before thanking him for my day trip away from everything.

While Charlie went down to talk to Sam about rounding up security, I ran to my room and changed. The drive to the house was amazing. Against Sam's advice, I rolled down the window, hung my head out and just felt the cool breeze on my face. I didn't have the mental mindset to appreciate the appeal of a town like Forks when I lived here. The natural elegance of the surroundings, the quiet and reserved disposition of its people, weren't lost on me today. This was a place that I would've never wanted to leave had my life turned out differently. I would have been content with a small house and white picket fence, Sunday brunch at the local diner and getting married in the local church. The only thing that I knew I would never have been content with was marrying a local boy.

Edward was the only man for me, and there was _nothing_ local about him.

When we passed by my old high school, a place which gave me nothing but misery, my stomach churned a little. Remembering all the rumors and looks, as well as stares, that I had endured at the hands of some of the students sent a sudden chill through me. I shook away the thought and reminded myself that nothing was going to ruin today for me.

Excitement filtered through me all the way to the end of my fingertips when we pulled on the short gravel driveway in front of the house.

I pushed open the door and jumped out before anyone else. I sucked in my lower lip and gazed up at the white house with blue shutters. There were obvious signs of neglect but subtle changes too. The front porch had two rocking chairs and a Native American wind chime that whistled in the wind.

It was weird looking at a house that I was sure would always be a source of my despair and yet be filled with so much excitement at the thought of going in.

I glanced over my shoulder at Charlie, who stood back with his arms folded over his chest watching me.

"Sam said he already had his guys go over the house; everything is all clear. So, are you ready?" Charlie asked softly.

"Absolutely," I whispered.

He reached for my hand and we took uncertain steps up and into the house together.

Everything was the same, but still something seemed off. The sofa had a folded chenille throw over it, the fishbowl on top of the TV was actually clean with a goldfish, alive and well swimming around. The curtains were arranged properly with their ties, the pictures on the wall were straightened, even the lamps were dusted, and everything was exactly the same— with a hint of something being different. I just couldn't put my finger on it.

Walking around the house, it was almost like I was in a haze and was dreaming.

It felt amazing and weird all at the same time. I walked up the stairs slowly and stopped to look into my dad's room. At first everything seemed the same, until I realized that the bed spread had been changed and, well, that the bed was actually made. The vanity that used to have my mother's things scattered on it was actually organized. Before I turned to leave, a small crystal vase filled with flowers caught my eye.

_Now this is really strange. Why would Charlie have fresh flowers in his room?_

I made a mental note to ask him about it before we left.

When I passed the one and only bathroom that we had, I took in how small it was and began to wonder how we actually survived all those years in this house.

It was easier than I thought walking into my old room. It was filled with so many memories; unfortunately most were bad. This little room held me together at the worst moments of my life. It seemed like a prison cell when I was growing up, but honestly, standing there in that moment, I realized it was more of a fortress than anything else. It protected me from everything that had tried to do me harm.

"Bella?" I turned to see Charlie standing at the bottom of the staircase. "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah, Dad. I just need a minute alone, okay?" He nodded and walked back into the living room.

I took a hesitant step into my room and sat slowly on the unmade bed. The last time I was in here, I had haphazardly packed a few belongings and left with Edward. That was after we told Charlie that we wanted to get married. I took a deep breath, pushed down the ugly thoughts and glanced around the room. It was so small, and all my things were covered with dust. It was obvious from the smudges of dust on some of my childhood pictures that Charlie must have come in here from time to time.

I looked down at the rug that covered the wooden floor boards and remembered the secret compartment at the foot of my bed. I quickly pulled the rug back, coughing slightly at the dust cloud that formed. I knocked on the wooden plank on one end until the other end pushed up and pulled on it with my fingers until the plank came loose with a pop. Reaching down, I picked up a clear plastic bag and took the contents out.

I couldn't help it, I smiled. It was my parents wedding album and the love notes they wrote to each other on occasion. After Mom was taken from us, and when Charlie was overwhelmed with grief, these letters would give me comfort and remind me that there was a time when things were different.

The words they wrote to each other were filled with hopes and dreams as well as verbal expressions of their love. Their words made so much more sense to me now that I had Edward. I understood the letters that were filled with apologies for hurting one another, and I loved the ones that were filled with expressions of their imaginings for their future. I couldn't believe I had left these little treasures behind when I left Forks all those years ago, but at least I had them now.

When I heard footsteps coming up the staircase, I quickly put everything away. I wasn't sure how Charlie would feel if he saw everything, but I didn't feel that that moment was the right time for him to find out.

"What are you doing on the floor, Bella?"

I laughed at his confused expression and quickly pulled out a yearbook from under the bed. Displaying it proudly, I stated, "Yearbook."

"Okay?" It was obvious from his tone that he was a little confused.

"It's nothing, Dad. By the way, it's not time to go yet, is it?" I tried quickly to change the subject.

The corner of his mouth turned up, and he shook his head. "Well, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that."

My smile fell. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine, but I wanted to know how you felt about staying here for a few days?"

I was speechless.

"I know it's kinda sudden, and we don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought that maybe you might want to stay here…together…as a family."

The idea of staying here with my dad didn't overwhelm me like I thought it would. It felt like I was taking a step in the right direction, but I knew there had to be some catch, because it wasn't like Dr. Biers to just let me walk out of his clinic.

"What about Dr. Biers?"

"He was the one who suggested it, actually. Riley pulled me aside after our session this morning and suggested that if everything goes well coming back here that we can see how you might feel about staying overnight. You would just need to call him and fix a schedule for going back to attend the therapy sessions. Bella, honey, seriously, we don't have to. We can just leave and try again later. No pressure."

I shook my head quickly, got up and gave him a hug. "Dad, I would love to stay here. Really, it would mean so much to me if we could stay."

"Really?" Charlie asked his voice filled with hope.

I pulled back and smiled. "Really."

Charlie pulled me into a deep hug, which I wholeheartedly accepted.

"Okay, if we are really doing to do this, I have to get this room clean. Let me pull the sheets and get them washed, and then I'll grab the vacuum." I moved to get past him when Charlie grabbed my arm.

"Bells, just strip the sheets. We have fresh ironed ones in the linen closet in the bathroom."

My jaw dropped. "Fresh, _ironed_ ones in the _linen closet_? Since when do we have fresh _ironed_ ones? Since when do we have a _linen closet_? Dad, don't tell me you've gone all Martha Stewart on me?"

He let out a loud laugh and tugged me into the bathroom and showed me the closet where everything was kept.

"No, Bella, Sue Clearwater-she kinda took it upon herself to help me out around the house sometime ago. She lost Harry a while back, and I used to look in on her from time to time."

Charlie had a serious but funny looking expression on his face when he spoke about her. It seemed there was more he wanted to say, but I decided not to comment on it.

"I never had her touch your room though. She offered, I mean, she wanted to help dust and just change the sheets. But when you left, after I wouldn't give you and Edward my blessing, well, I just didn't anyone in here." His voice cracked a little toward the end.

My heart filled with heavy emotion, and I bent my head. It was so hard not to focus on the ache in my heart. That time was so tragic for everyone. I looked around the room and realized why he hadn't touched a thing. The bed wasn't fully made, and the pillow still had a small indent in it where I had lain down. The basket in the corner still has some of the shirts I never took with me. My book still sat on the edge of the desk instead of on the bookshelf, almost making it look like I was just coming back to pick it up. Charlie just wanted everything to look like I was still around.

"We're gonna be okay, Dad." I took his hand in mine and gave it a squeeze.

"I know, baby girl," he whispered.

Charlie cleared his throat and gave me a smile. "So, want to come with me? I think it's best to get some gas in the truck. Afterward we can grab some groceries maybe?"

"I think it would be better if I stayed, call Dr. Biers and maybe fix up my room. Plus, I don't feel like running into anyone at the grocery store. Do you want me to whip up some chicken and biscuits? If you get everything, I can make us a nice dinner. We can even have Esme join us. What do you think?"

Charlie gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before he said, "That sounds perfect."

After having a long and extensive conversation with Dr. Biers, I was given the green light to stay with Charlie and take the first steps to handling things on my own.

I couldn't have been happier.

When the dryer buzzer went off, I pulled out the sheets, all warm from the dryer, and took a long whiff of the fresh mountain scent imbedded in them. It had been such a long time since I had to do my own laundry; it was kinda fun to tell you the truth. Utterly ridiculous, I know, but I always had Leah or Jacob handle everything for me that I never realized how much I missed this.

There was something so freeing about cooking, cleaning and doing laundry. It wasn't about _what _I was doing, rather it was about the fact that I _could_ do something that I felt needed to be done without having to ask or get permission. Especially, since everything that was being done to me or behind my back came to light.

Grabbing a hold of the laundry basket that had the towels, I made my way to the kitchen so I could fold them and keep an eye on the biscuits I had in the oven.

Charlie had come back with everything in record time. He decided since I had everything under control that he was going to pick up Esme and bring her over himself.

It felt a little weird standing here in the kitchen folding towels all by myself. Sam and Paul made their rounds and monitored surveillance. They were so quiet about their work that many times I didn't even know they were in the house.

When I finished setting the table, I made my way into the pantry to look for napkins. A small creaking noise had me turn around quickly, and I let out a startled shout as I came face-to-face with a man in a wheelchair.

"Billy! You scared me!" I pressed the napkins to my chest and tried to calm my racing heart. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to. Paul saw me drive up and let me in. He wasn't sure if it was okay, but I assured him that a guy in a wheelchair and an old family friend wouldn't be turned away." Billy's tone was a little clipped at the end.

I forced a smile when the room turned a little chilly and walked past him to the table and started to fold the napkins one by one.

"Of course, it's okay, you're more than welcome to visit." I nervously turned to look at him before turning back to my napkins. "Can I get you anything? Juice or soda, maybe?"

"No, thank you, Bella." He remained quiet after that.

I felt his eyes on me the whole time my back was to him. It was awkward, and the tension slowly built to insane levels, but I knew why he was here. The fact that he never once asked about Charlie and just sat there in his wheelchair staring at me made everything uncomfortably obvious.

After I finished folding the napkins, I focused my attention on the vegetables for the salad. I tried to regain some control, and against my better judgment, I attempted to converse with him.

"Charlie should be back soon with Esme, and we're thinking of having dinner. Would you like to join us? I have chicken and biscuits in the oven, and the salad is almost done, as you can see—"

"Bella, I think we both know I'm not here to make niceties over dinner." His voice was gruff and filled with tension.

I stopped chopping the carrots and placed the knife down next to the cutting board. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath for strength and prayed that I was able to handle everything Billy wanted to say.

"Billy, please. If this is about Jacob, I don't think this is the right time to talk about it." I hoped he hadn't detected the tremor in my voice as I spoke.

"Then when do you feel the right time is, Bella? When your dad or husband are back to run interference? I'm sorry, but I tried my best to contact you at the house you were holed up in, but no one—not even Charlie-would let me have my say. They forced my hand, and here I am. I demand to be heard; you owe me that much, damn it."

"Of course, I'll hear what you have to say, but please, Billy, understand that there has been so much that has happened between me and Jacob, and so much of it could have been avoided. I just feel if we have this conversation, you are not going to like what I have to say on the matter."

I hoped deep inside that Billy Black would just back down and go away. I didn't know what Jacob had said to him, and frankly, I wasn't mentally ready to rehash the entire episode. Honestly, I didn't want to have to tell this man the extent that his son went to in order to keep Edward and me apart.

"I know my boy did some pretty bad things; I'm not here to excuse them. I just want you to know where he was coming from. Jake, he lost his mom at such a young age—that messed with the boy's mind."

It wasn't fair that Billy was trying to guilt me into everything. "Billy, please."

But he just kept going on and on. I had no choice but to listen.

"He was a boy who grew up thinking that you were gonna be his wife, Bella. We all made him think so. Even Charlie was partial to Jake, especially when that Edward came along. That man was nothing but trouble, and Jake could sense it. He told me so many times that Edward was just going to use you, and that he couldn't bear it. My boy loved you so much and was so worried about you his whole youth that when the time came, and you were all dazzled by the Cullens, Jake took a step back and tried to let you figure it out on your own. But when you up and decided to marry the man, Jake just couldn't let you go and be alone. He knew you would need him, so he let go of his private security job and let go of me; he threw away his opportunity just so he could make sure the woman he loved was safe."

That was it; I couldn't take it anymore. I pressed my fingers to the pressure points on my temple and shook my head. "You stop right there, Billy, that is not fair. You can't just assume that because Jacob and Charlie didn't like Edward that they were right. None of you had the right to make that decision. You can't lay this huge guilt trip on me and make me feel that because Jacob had some misguided sense of ownership that we were supposed to end up together that his actions are excusable. Do you know what he did? Do you know what Jacob did because of what he assumed?" I knew shouting at Billy wasn't best, but I was so over it.

"He loves you, Bella. _Please_ don't blame my boy because he loves you. _Please_ just forgive him for what he did. Because he's dying inside, honestly, he is. He knows he hurt you, but not being able to see you or be a part of your life, that is like giving him a death sentence. Please just forgive him." The pleading in Billy's voice was so hard to hear. It was obvious that this man did not know the extent of Jacob's actions against Edward and me.

"I have forgiven him, Billy. I forgave him precisely because I knew that he loved me. It's because I understood the insecurity that Jacob must have felt, especially when Aro was behind the scenes whispering to him." I came around the table and pulled a chair out to sit close to Billy. "I know I owe my life to your son. In some weird and twisted way, Jake will always be a presence in my life. But that doesn't mean that I will ever forget what he did to me. I'm sorry, Billy, I forgive Jacob, but I can't have him in my life. He misused the trust I gave him one too many times."

Billy looked down, shaking his head. I felt horrible for him, but there was no way I was going to go back on my decision. If I could have spared him the truth, I would have, but he forced my hand.

"Please tell me what I can do—what Jake can do to make this better, if not for me, then what about your father? Surely you understand what a rift like this will do to our relationship. We're family. We were there for you when you didn't even know you needed us. You have to see that your father wouldn't have gotten better if it weren't for us being so close. Don't tear this family apart, Bella—"

Before he could finish his sentence, I heard the front screen door slam open and heard the heavy footsteps approach the kitchen. I breathed a sigh of relief when Charlie's face came around the corner.

That was until I saw the rage behind his bulging eyes.

"Dad…" I started hesitantly.

Charlie simply raised his hand as he stood between Billy and me.

"How dare you come into my house and talk to my daughter behind my back? You know full well what she is suffering from; something like this could set her back—how dare you, Billy!" I covered my ears to drown out Charlie's raging voice.

"Dad, please calm down." I tried to get in between them, but Charlie pulled me behind him.

"Don't you get all high and mighty with me, Charlie. You wouldn't let me talk to her before, and you forced me to go behind your back!"

"I'm sorry, but I had more important things to do, like make sure my daughter didn't die from her medical addictions! What is wrong with you, man? You knew that she was sick; there is no way that Jacob didn't tell you that. You knew it wasn't the right time then, just like you know it isn't the right time now. The fact that I have to stand here and explain that to you makes me sick to my stomach!"

"Charlie, don't do this. I'm begging you, man. My boy, he's dying inside. I can see his suffering; he didn't mean what he did. We can fix this as a family." Billy pleaded.

"Enough!" Charlie shouted. "No relationship is more important than the one I have with my daughter, Billy. She was out there on her own for so long, and the only person who could have protected her didn't. I know Aro sunk his claws into Jacob and might've forced him to do things that Jacob isn't proud of. But damnit, he let her down. And when he could've come clean, he refused to. I'm sorry, but even if Bella wanted to accept him back into her life—I never could."

"I can't believe you—" Billy started.

"Believe it, because the faster you do, the faster you and Jacob can move on." Charlie cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, Billy, but this conversation is over. I'm not putting Bella through this anymore."

Billy sat there stunned for a moment before we all heard a knock on the door frame.

"Bella?" Sam called out to us before he fully entered the kitchen. "Are you okay? Everything got really quiet in here."

I sucked in my lower lip and nodded. Letting out a deep sigh, I turned to speak when Charlie cut me off.

"Sam, can I ask you to help Billy to his truck?" I reached out and grasped Charlie's arm.

"Dad, no. Don't do this." I turned quickly to Billy. "Billy, you can't leave. This thing between Jacob and me, we'll work it out. But you can't let our issues get in the way of your friendship."

"Bells…" Charlie shook his head.

"Please, Dad." I pleaded.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I think that Charlie is right. We're done here." Billy wheeled himself out of the kitchen, and Sam followed him out the front door.

Charlie and I stood, watching each other. I could tell he was angry, but the sadness at losing a friendship was weighing heavily on his shoulders.

I sat slowly at the kitchen table and ran my hands over my face. Charlie moved toward the sink and filled up a glass of water from the tap before taking a long drink. It was so silent that when the timer went off on the stove, we both jumped up.

"The biscuits." I grabbed the oven mitts and took out the baking tray. "I think they're okay."

I proceeded to place each biscuit in a small bread basket and turned my attention to finishing up the salad.

"This is not your fault," Charlie whispered. "I don't want you taking the blame for all of this. Billy shouldn't have come here. He shouldn't have tried to sneak around and try to see you. And that Paul, I can't believe he let him in here."

"How did Billy even know that I was here?" I finished picked up the cutting board and slid all the cut up vegetables into a bowl before I turned to face him. "I asked Dr. Biers today. This wasn't pre-planned. We decided everything this morning, right? Then how in the world did he know when to come here?"

Charlie stood a little straighter as he took in what I asked. Suddenly, he pressed his eyes shut and mumbled something under his breath before he looked up at me with guilty eyes.

"What?" I was almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Sue Clearwater," he whispered. "We spoke today, I asked her to tidy the place up a bit. She must have mentioned to Billy that we were coming back."

"So finding me all alone at the right time, _that_ was just a coincidence?" I grabbed the dish rag and wiped my hands before I threw it in the sink. "I'm sick of this!"

I walked into the hallway and started to put on my shoes. "All I wanted was one day. Just one day to be perfect. I wake up every single morning and wonder 'Is this the day that I will finally get my life back?' After everything that we've been through today, I really thought that today was that day. I was really starting to feel it—the hope that everything was gonna be okay. That maybe…"

I stopped myself from saying too much about how much I wanted Edward to be with me; I knew it would only make Charlie worry.

"It still can be, Bella, the day isn't done. Don't let Billy take away all the progress you've made. Life isn't a bed of roses, even if you weren't facing the obstacles you were now. In general, nothing is ever perfect. You have to learn to filter the good from the bad." Charlie spoke softly and squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. "Also, you've got to stop running when things get tough."

"What does that mean?" I looked up at him as I finished putting on my boots.

Charlie gestured to my feet. I looked down, and when I realized what he meant, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall.

"This is not running away from my problems."

Charlie tilted his head and gave one of his signature looks when he knew I was lying. "Really? Then if putting on your shoes is not a sign of leaving, what is it?"

I sat forward on my knees and shook my head. "You're right. I wanted to leave, but I wanted go back to see Dr. Biers, because right now that is all I can think to do. I know that things happen in life that we can't control, but after everything, I just assumed that going back was what I was supposed to do. You know, when something insane happens and you feel like having a drink, don't you call your sponsor? God, am I even making any sense?"

"You are, to an extent. When I happen to get stressed, having a drink might pop into my mind, but I don't run and make a phone call every single time. I wait it out, weigh out the options, try and work it out on my own. I used to call Billy or one of the guys from the station. Only when I was to a breaking point did I ever call…my sponsor."

The irritation I felt inside was buzzing at the ends of my fingertips. Shaking my hands, I stood up and paced the entryway. They were eating at me, the words that Billy said. I didn't want to give that man any power over me, but it was so hard not to. The situation with Jacob was an unfinished chapter. It was one that I knew I had to revisit in order to move on.

He held the answers to the questions that plagued me about my time in Italy. His cryptic comments about trying to keep me safe and watching over me only reinforced the fact that he must have some information about who was trying to hurt me.

Truthfully, I knew that I could have Edward deal with him and never really have to see him myself. But the history that Jacob and I had wasn't one that I could just walk away from. I owed it to myself to stand up and talk directly to him. What we needed was closure, and the only way to attain it was to do it face-to-face.

"Bella, don't make this more than it is. It's all about perspective. Billy coming here and dumping on you when you were weak—that was nothing but an old man trying to stand up for his boy. Remember what Dr. Biers said; not everything is your fault just because someone says it is."

Letting out a frustrated sigh, I knew I needed to let it go. Charlie was right; Billy wasn't someone I needed to get this worked up about. I had a right to be angry, but not this much.

"Hey, come on. Why don't you get the dinner on the table and I'll get Esme from the car."

"Oh my goodness, you had Esme in the car this whole time?" I started to walk toward the door, but Charlie stopped me.

"I got here and saw Billy's truck. In my mind it was Jacob, so I just reacted. Paul is out there with her. Just go get dinner on the table and I'll go grab her, okay?"

Nodding quickly, I pulled off my boots and made my way back into the kitchen. I lifted the large ceramic dish of chicken from the oven and placed it on the counter. When I focused my attention on the steamed corn, I heard the front door open and the sound of fast-paced walking toward the kitchen.

I smiled and hoped Esme would like the chicken I had made. It was my mom's recipe, but I hadn't had a chance to make it for her.

"Dinner's almost ready!" I called over my shoulder right before I took a deep breath and turned.

I froze on the spot, and my heart almost stopped.

_Edward._

He stood in the doorway of my kitchen—just staring at me. His hair was wild and messy, almost as if he had been pulling at it nonstop. His beautiful face was rosy, and he bit at his lower lip nervously. When I focused on his eyes, they were full of with concern and passion.

We both just stood there breathing deeply, unable to move or say a word. The emotions were swirling inside of me, and I nervously placed the bowl of corn on the counter before I dropped it.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was soft and hesitant. "Are you all right, baby?"

When he pulled off his gloves and reached his hand out to me, all the nervousness left me and the desperation set in. Edward was barely able to open his arms to catch me before I jumped onto him and wrapped my arms and legs around him. Frantically, I reached up, cupped his face and kissed him deeply—muffling whatever words he was about to say.

Sliding my tongue on his lower lip, he opened his mouth instinctively and I devoured him. I kissed and sucked on his tongue and pushed all the love and passion I had held onto these past few months into my devotion of him.

Edward felt it. I knew he did, especially when he held me tighter and moaned into my mouth. I felt his hand slide up into my hair and slowly pull me back. Edward kissed my cheek, and I nuzzled my face into his neck as he stood there holding me up in his arms.

I licked my lips and whispered, "I can't believe it. I can't believe you're here. I've missed you so much. I love you, Edward. I love you so much."

As he slowly lowered me to my feet and held me close, I clutched onto his coat—so fearful that he might disappear.

My heart was racing, my mind was a blur and the only thing that was keeping me from fainting was the manly essence of my husband. It was like I was suddenly weak and needed Edward to replenish my strength.

Just his nearness made me feel whole again. The void that I hadn't been able to shake since waking up all those weeks ago was slowly closing, and in its place was a warm tingling feeling of—hope.

This was it. This was the feeling I had been missing all along. The feeling that I wanted to feel waking up every single morning since the day I woke up after having ridden my system of whatever plagued it.

_Hope_ was what I needed to beat this. It was obvious, but I hadn't felt it until Edward held me in his arms.

Then I realized what was making me hold back. The feeling of insecurity that if I changed myself too much and became a _different _Bella than the one that Edward was used to, would I still be enough of the girl that Edward had fallen in love with from the start?

Regardless, feeling Edward's arms around me filled me with a joy and strength I didn't realize I needed. As he stood holding me, loving me and whispering sweet words of adoration to me, it made me realize that even though I had to change, it wouldn't mean that I would be changing the core of the person I wanted to be. I could do this—I wwould still be _his _Bella—only less fragile.

**An**: Sorry for the late update! I'm helping with end of the year fundraising for my kiddo's school. Joining the PTA is like joining the Mafia. When they call on me I must obey!

When I can I will post the teaser on the TDDOM forum on Twilighted!


	31. Chapt 28 Standing Still

****SarahLouise92 & Jmcfall thank you for letting me know about the chapter fail.****

**Thank you to everyone on FF, TWCS, and Twilighted who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. **

**I'm sorry this chapter took so long!**

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Standing Still

"Bella, are you serious?" I smiled at the shocked tone in Edward's voice. "You expect me to go ice fishing with Charlie? Do they still do that here?"

"Of course people still ice fish, silly; it isn't like the sport is extinct. Just give it a try." I pulled the covers on my twin bed back and looked over my shoulder in time to catch a magnificent view of a shirtless Edward in his boxers as he finished making his bed on the air mattress. When he bent over to grab an extra blanket, his glorious ass was on display, and God help me, all I wanted to do was take a nice big bite out of it.

Straightening up, Edward turned and rested his hands on his hips. "What I want to know is why I have to go with Charlie to a cold and desolate place all alone. I know we've come to truce when it comes to what he thinks of me, but regardless, the man still scares the crap out of me."

I let out an unladylike snort before I reached out to pull him down on top of me. Edward bent his head quickly and gave me a series of short, wonderful kisses. When he pulled back and held me close, I pressed my face into the crook of his neck and wrapped my arms around him. We held each other and just lay still next to each other on my tiny bed.

"I missed you, baby," Edward whispered before he kissed me again. "I almost caved and flew out here a few weeks ago. The fact that I almost went insane only makes me wonder how in the world you were able to go through this all by yourself."

Edward rolled us over and hovered above me. He took a long, deep look into my eyes and searched for the answer to his suspicions.

After a few intense minutes, I looked away. "What? Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Look at me," he whispered. "Do you hate me? Be honest."

"What are you talking about? Why would I hate you?" I pushed Edward's shoulder until he moved back so we both could sit up.

"I let you down, baby, in the worst possible way. You needed me, and I just handed you over to our parents and said 'See ya.'" Edward swung his legs over the side of the bed and placed his head in his hands.

"That's not what you did, Edward, and you know it." I reached over and pressed my lips to his shoulder before I pulled him back to me and enveloped him in my arms.

Edward leaned back into my embrace before he took one of my hands, brought it to his mouth, and kissed it.

"It felt like I failed you. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, especially after everything that had happened." Edward turned and cupped my face in his hands. "You have to believe me."

"I don't know why you're so worried about it—at the time, yeah, it killed me–but now that things are less foggy and muddled together, I can see that it was necessary. Edward, I don't want you to hold onto this. I'm okay now—"

I stopped talking abruptly. A heavy weight seemed to have settled in my chest as soon as I started to think about the events that took place leading up my rehabilitation. I was fine, but in that moment, I realized that maybe I wasn't fine enough to talk about it.

The pad of Edward's thumb brushing across my lips forced me out of my thoughts and made me look into his eyes. The worry was evident but so was the guilt that went along with the decision to let me go.

If it were up to me, the weight of that decision would still be a burden. The fact that there was no real guarantees that our being separated would irrevocably heal me that alone would keep me anxious.

"Are you scared?" I blurted out without thinking.

When Edward gave me a confused look, I quickly recollected my thoughts and tried to make sense of my subconscious question.

"What I mean is, after everything we willingly put ourselves through to reach this point, are you scared of what happens if it wasn't enough? What if even though I'm healthy and you're here, what if it still isn't enough to make us whole again?"

Edward slowly nodded before answering. "I'm terrified."

An ominous feeling settled over me, one that I couldn't shake. It seemed for the first time in a while, we were both on an unfamiliar road. Instinctively, we reached out and just held each other. After a few moments of silence, I felt Edward shift to lie on his side before he opened his arms to me. I snuggled against him, and we both fell into a troubled slumber to the sounds of our heartbeats.

The next couple of weeks were extremely stressful. I always thought coming to terms with everything from the last four years would magically bring Edward and me back to that place we were when we first fell in love. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. There was an uneasy tension between us that seemed to have sprung up sometime after Edward joined me in Forks.

The first time I felt something was wrong was when Edward started his counseling sessions with Dr. Biers. He had wanted to slowly introduce Edward to everything I had gone through. However, before we started to fix anything in regard to "us," Edward needed to talk to Dr. Biers about himself. Instead of being open and energetic after his counseling sessions, Edward was more reserved and silent. Instead of asking Edward what was wrong, I waited for him to approach me. In hindsight, I should have been more proactive and approached him, but what can I say? Old habits die hard.

The truth was I didn't know how to begin the conversation. Walking right up to him and asking just seemed too easy. What scared me the most was what would happen if the conversation took a turn in a direction that I wasn't so comfortable with. Even though I had beaten my personal demons, battling Edward and his would be an entirely different situation.

So, we settled into an uneasy routine. Edward and I would spend our time reaffirming our love for each other, but neither one of us would dare approach a topic of conversation that would've forced one of us to actually confront the problem.

There was kissing, touching, and lots of hugging, but nothing more than that. It seemed our verbal communication stunted our attempts at anything physical. It caused a great divide, and it made it so that we couldn't even attempt to make love, because making love when we weren't being honest emotionally with each other just seemed to cheat us even more.

The uneasiness continued until Dr. Biers brought up my avoidance issues. He spun his verbal web until I was cornered into telling the truth about my fears in confronting Edward. After a much needed lecture and suggestions on how to deal with it, I set out to finally take the bull by the horns and talk to him.

I tried that very night before we slipped into bed; I reached out and held Edward close. I took in his manly essence and wanted nothing more than to breach this great divide. When I heard the heavy beating of his heart, I mustered the courage to ask him what was wrong. I even pulled back and looked deep into his eyes, but we only ended staring at each other until the tension was too much.

Later that night, as I lay in my tiny bed with Edward, I lifted the arm he had rested around my waist and kissed his hand. Edward shifted behind me and pulled me closer to his chest, murmuring how much he loved me. It added an extra weight of anxiety on my shoulders, and it broke my heart at how afraid I was to confront him.

By morning, my anxiety and fear had turned into irritation. I was in the kitchen with Charlie and in the process of cutting—correction—murdering the poor defenseless fruit for breakfast when Edward joined us. He brushed my hair aside and kissed me behind my ear before he poured himself a cup of coffee.

I watched him from under my lashes as he smiled and sat down with Charlie at the table and proceeded to shoot the breeze.

"Hey, Charlie, what're you reading?" Edward took a sip of coffee and rested his arms on the table. I peeled a banana and started slicing it over the pulpy mess of strawberries in the bowl.

"Nothing, Son, just trying to keep up with the local news. Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and some festivals are coming up, so I was just looking into it."

"Ah, local festivals…so does Sue Clearwater have a booth?" The question sounded lighthearted on the outside but was fully loaded on the inside. It had become very obvious to Edward and me that Sue Clearwater was more than just someone who helped my dad every now and then.

Our first and most obvious clue was when we had gone running in the woods behind the house and returned sometime later to catch Sue and Charlie in a heated embrace on the front porch.

After getting over the initial shock of watching my dad kiss a woman other than my mom, it surprised me that that I didn't mind it one bit. But before I could make our presence known, Edward pulled me around to the back of the house and reasoned that maybe we should wait until Charlie was ready to bring it up to us. In his words, _"There has to be a reason why he hasn't told us about Sue."_

Even though I didn't agree, I went along with it. I wasn't sure why Charlie hadn't mentioned it to me, but I realized that maybe he needed time to come to terms with it himself.

Charlie loved my mother more than anything in the world, so there had to be some uneasiness about the situation.

So, when Sue started dropping by more often with hot dishes or baked goods, both Edward and I did our best to make them both feel comfortable with having her over.

There were times when I envied them. What they had was new and private. There weren't any setbacks or outside influences. I was painfully aware by my father's silence on the matter that he wasn't ready or didn't know how I would take it.

I wanted nothing more than for him to finally tell me how he felt for Sue, so I could prove to him that the past was indeed the past. And while I would have loved for him to have given Edward and me the approval we so desperately wanted that didn't mean that I would hold my father's mistakes against him when the tables were turned.

I loved my father, and frankly, I was relieved to see that he had someone to share his life with. At the same time, I compared the complicated nature of my relationship with Edward with the simplicity of his. While we loved each other—there was no doubt in my mind about that—still it wasn't enough for us to be truly happy.

Happiness is such a small word that is taken for granted and ignored until we find it missing in our lives. While my husband completed me, there was an element of eternal happiness that was missing. There was someone out there who wanted me dead, and I had no clue why, and then if that wasn't enough, the man who was my entire life couldn't even muster the courage to tell me what was bothering him.

"Bella?" I glanced up and saw both Charlie and Edward staring at me.

"What?" I snapped.

Charlie gave me a peculiar look, while Edward shifted in his seat and gestured to my hands. I looked down and realized I had started to slice the banana peel into the fruit bowl.

"Is everything okay, babe?" Edward asked.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Everything is fi—"

"Good morning, everyone, are you all up?" The front door opened and Esme's voice—along with the shuffling of feet—cut me off. "Oh look Sue, they are all up. Come into the kitchen."

Esme walked in with a basket of muffins, and Sue walked in with a basket full of what looked like homemade jams. Charlie quickly stood up and helped her with the basket. Esme gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug before she walked over to Edward. He kissed his mother but kept his eyes firmly locked with mine.

Esme continued to hover around the tiny kitchen while engaging Sue and Charlie in conversation about Fork's Fall Festival. All the while, we continued our little stare down. Occasionally, Edward answered a question that Esme would ask as she and Sue continued their conversation. I noticed Charlie trying unsuccessfully to get them to move into the other room, but they continued to sit at the tiny table.

"So, Bella, would you like to attend the fair with us? It could be fun." Esme asked a little to cheerfully.

Breaking eye contact with Edward, I shook my head, went to the sink and washed my hands. "I'm sorry. I don't think I'm ready to venture out into town just yet."

"Are you sure, sweetie? You haven't been out and about since you got here. We would maybe find something nice as a centerpiece for Thanksgiving," Esme said as she made her way over to me.

"You're staying here for Thanksgiving? I thought you would want to be with Alice and Rose?" I was a little shocked since I had assumed she wasn't planning on staying.

"Well, I want to spend it with all of you. Which is why Alice and Rose thought it would be nice to come here and spend it together as a family. Is that all right with you?" Esme asked cautiously.

Honestly, I wasn't sure how I felt. I missed Alice and Rose so much. Spending time together as a family during the holidays used to mean so much to me. It was the only time I didn't have to remember how dysfunctional my life was. Esme and Carlisle always made it a point to make the holidays as festive as they could. Their generosity and love weren't something I ever took for granted.

But somehow the idea of celebrating it here in Forks, with my father _and_ the entire Cullen clan, well, that was something that didn't seem to register. It was a new concept. I mean, my own father hadn't even attended my wedding; he never attended a single family holiday or celebration after that. The whole thing just seemed off to me. At the same time, it wasn't something I wanted to have a huge discussion about, standing in the middle of my very small kitchen. A sudden tremor in my hand made me realize just how tense I was getting.

_I need to get out of here._

"Esme, it would be great to have everyone out for Thanksgiving. I'm going to go for a run, and when I get back, maybe we can sit and iron out the menu?" I didn't wait for an answer. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and grabbed my sneakers and jacket, before I ran out the front door.

As I tied my shoelaces, I heard the front door open and shut behind me. It was obviously Edward; there was no one else who made my heart race the way it was. I knew how it looked—the first sign of a stressful situation, and I was out the door. But this was way too much; I had to leave. Quickly tying the scarf around my neck and checking for my cell phone, I proceeded to move toward the back of the house to the wooded trails.

I missed the perfect opportunity to address my issues with Edward. My mind was in constant battle on whether or not to turn around. The coward part of me, like always, won. I jumped over a fallen log and kept going. As I picked up the pace on the icy terrain, the cool wind filtered through my hair and filled my lungs.

Thoughts of Thanksgivings of years past flooded my mind. The visions of Forks always included Jacob, Billy and families from La Push. The holidays after my mother died were tense, but we managed to have a few good moments before Charlie would say some callous words to ruin it all.

_Jacob._

Just the mere thought of his name had me near tears. The stab of his betrayal ran deeper than anything I had felt before. The pain felt like a banging in my chest that was clamoring to get out. I pushed forward and tried to edge out the insanity of my emotions by creating more of a burn through my workout.

It didn't work. I cried a lot, and my sobs became louder. Still I pushed on to the one place where I felt the most at peace.

_The meadow._

It was insane, I know, to run so far away from the house. Sam had assured me that no matter where we were he always had someone watching. It was my inner need to go to the one place that gave me so much peace and strength during some of the most trying times of my life.

It was where my husband made his first promises of undying love and protection when he had asked me to be his wife. It was where Jacob was still pure at heart and a true best friend.

Even though everything seemed so different from the last time I was there, I managed to find familiar landscapes and followed them until I came into the clearing.

I collapsed near a fallen tree and sat on the trunk trying to catch my breath.

I waited and waited for a feeling—for anything—that would make this pain go away. I didn't know what I was looking for, but I hoped that this place of peace would have the answers.

"Please…please," I whispered to myself. There was no halo or beaming light, there was no angel or apparition of my mother, and there were no answers that came down magically. There was nothing but wind in the trees and the cool sound of silence which was winter.

_This can't be happening. I need strength; I need help!_

"God damn it! What do I do?" I stood up and paced around the open space as tears filled my eyes. I looked up at the open sky and called out again, "How do I fix this?"

"Maybe you should stop running, turn around and talk to me." Edward's soft but commanding voice sent a jolt of shock through me.

I spun around and came face to face with him as he was pushing through the branches to walk into the clearing.

_God, he's beautiful._

"Edward?" I was shocked to find him here. I wiped away a stray tear. "You followed me?"

"Well of course." Edward shrugged. "I promised you I'd never let you down again. That means if you run, even if it's damn cold and wet as a frozen hell, I have no choice but to follow."

I had to stop myself from running over, climbing his body and melting into him. My desire was quickly reined in when I caught the stern expression on his face. It was obvious to me then that Edward was not going to let this conversation slide.

There was a small sense of relief, and an even larger sense of dread, because now there was no turning back. We were going to have this conversation one way or the other.

I slowly walked over, sat on the fallen tree trunk and swung my legs over so I was facing Edward.

"Talk to me. Just say what's on your mind—get it all out." Edward's voice held a tone of frustration.

I opened my mouth a few times, but the words just wouldn't form.

God, I was filled with so much self-doubt.

_Where did the strong girl who beat her vices and addiction go?_

_I'm right here. It's now or never. _

"I don't know where to begin," I whispered.

"Well, let's start with right now. Why are you running again? I thought after everything that we would have at least mastered the part where we could talk to each other. What's got you so spooked that you can't even talk to me?"

"I'm not spooked; everything got so overwhelming so fast, I needed to get away. You have no idea how much I wanted to just walk right up to you and tell you what I was feeling, but for some reason, it never works that way with us. Maybe it's in my head, maybe not, but I don't know if after everything, I can handle a stressful conversation with you."

"What does that mean?" Edward frowned a bit.

"I don't know, Edward. It might mean that the last two times we've had intense conversations, we've ended up apart for longer than I'm comfortable with." I looked up at him.

"Remember when I told you about the baby in Chicago? You left. There was no real conversation; you had made the decision and just walked away. When we had to decide about what do about my withdrawals from everything Aro had me on? You left—correction, you had me sent here on my own. So right now talking about why you seem so withdrawn after every session with Dr. Biers isn't a conversation I know how to handle or even begin to have. I just got you back."

_There, I let it all out._

"Come on, Bella. That's not fair." Edward seemed genuinely surprised.

"What does being fair have to do with anything? Just because I've gotten over some of my past demons, it doesn't leave me in a better place when it comes to talking about stressful situations with you." I knew it sounded a little harsh, but it was how I felt.

"What are you trying to say? That all of sudden you can't talk to me about how you feel? Does this have anything to do with the fact that I felt you needed to come here without me? Because I thought we spoke about this." Edward's tone was laced with a slight tremor. I couldn't tell if it was anger or fear, but I didn't want to dive into it.

"No, but maybe it means that I'm having anxiety over the fact that when you first came here, I felt relief and a sense of completion. But then you started to see Dr. Biers then you started to get all moody; that is when I realized I didn't know how to handle a stressful conversation."

Edward ran his hands over his face, walked closer to me and kneeled down.

"Okay. So you're worried about what's bothering me. What else?" Edward pulled off his gloves and reached out to squeeze my hand.

I loved the warm tingling sensation that Edward's touch generated. He held his hand against mine and filtered our fingers together.

I bit my lower lip and hesitated for a second before speaking. "I want to know what's bothering you so much after you get done talking with Dr. Biers. You seem so distant…like you're hiding something from me. I want to talk about it, but I don't know if I want to hear what you have to say. Because deep down inside, I just have this feeling like it's really bad. And I don't want to have any more bad conversations, Edward."

Edward just looked around the meadow for a little bit before he stood up, breaking our connection, and walked around a little.

"Dr. Biers laid the truth out on the table. I asked him to, and well, he was blunt. What your recovery was like. How you got through the roughest parts. He painted a picture of the hell you experienced." He turned and came closer, cupping my face. "He told me you spoke to someone…that you cried out about wanting to die."

I pulled away from him and tried to walk away. I didn't want to hear this.

"No, you have to listen to me." Edward held me by the shoulders. "Is that true? Did you really want to die?"

I shook my head. "Of course that's not true. Even though it was so painful, and I almost felt like giving up, I didn't want to really die. It was just so painful; I think the weak part of me was trying to take over."

"Thank God, Bella. I was so scared that there was more to his statement. I didn't want to over think it, but you have to see how something like would have me concerned. After everything that has happened, I didn't want to think that you would ever try and make the same choice you did back in Italy, after you lost the baby."

Edward blindsided me. It never occurred to me that he would wonder about my mental health when it came to suicide. Why would he? I never expressed my own doubts about that night that I overdosed in Italy.

_Just tell him the truth; trust him. _

I took a deep breath and pulled Edward to sit down with me. Looking into his deeply concerned eyes, I unlocked my inner emotions and confessed everything that lay in the deepest recesses of my heart.

There was so much to cover, but I started with the most important point I had been scared to mention—my dreams. The words were so difficult to form at first, but when they started to tumble out, soon a steady conversation started. I spoke and he listened, only asking me questions where he needed to.

My voice held a slight tremor when I broached the topic of my fears for the family and that if we never found the true culprits what that would mean for Edward and me. "I can't live my life looking over my shoulder and surrounded by the security we have now."

The comparison I made to being a fugitive seemed to affect Edward greatly. He kissed me along my jaw and told me not to worry, that it wouldn't always be this way.

It was hard, but I explained to him that I was confident that someone had tried to hurt me as far back as when I was pregnant in Italy. My voice shook when I mentioned how I had felt a hand at my back pushing me forward and down the stairs. I pleaded with him to believe when I said that it was impossible for me to have overdosed on my pills afterward.

Edward tried his best not to be too emotional or upset that I hadn't even told Dr. Biers the memories that I had been having of the woman in my hospital room. He clenched his jaw and pinched the bridge of his nose when I explained what I had heard.

It was so frustrating; I mean, I couldn't even remember if it was after I lost the baby, or if it was after the overdose, that I had seen her.

The more I spoke about how afraid I was that we would never find out who was trying to kill me the more Edward realized where I was taking this conversation. I never mentioned Jacob's name but expressed a great need to confront those who held the answers. I think that was when he lost his cool.

"Don't you dare ask what I think you want to ask!" Edward snapped as he stood up and walked away from me. "After everything, after the crap _he_ put you through, you still have to think about _Jacob_."

I stood up and followed him. "_You_ think I want to? You think that after what _he _did to me, I want to go back and ask _him_ what he knows? My hands are tied; can't you see that? There is a possibility of me having missed something, and Jacob is the only one who can give me those answers."

"What makes you think that he won't lie to you? For God's sake, Bella, don't be stupid. Think about it, Jacob has lied so much; I don't know how you can think anything he says is the truth." Edward clenched his fists at his side.

"Don't you think I know that? Give me some credit here, Edward. I've thought about everything, but I still feel that now, especially after all his lies have come out, he would have nothing left to lie about. I have to at least ask him."

Edward looked at me for a moment before he whispered, "And that's all there is? This is just a need to get answers? There's nothing else?"

My head snapped around, and I crossed my arms over my chest. "What is that supposed to mean? Of course that is all there is."

He stood there looking at me like he was trying to read my mind.

"What?" I threw my hands up in the air. "What else could I want but answers?"

"Dr. Biers said you called out for Jacob at times. That the conversations regarding how he hurt you seemed to affect you so deeply that maybe subconsciously there was more of a relationship between you and Jacob than you were letting on. It seemed to him that you harbored _guilt_."

I was blindsided. _Did I call out for Jake?_

Thinking back about the pain, I wouldn't have put it past me to call out for Lucifer himself to end my misery. My thoughts went back to Edward and the reasons he would have to worry.

There was the fact that if anyone had done to Edward what Jacob had done to me, I would never be all right with Edward ever keeping in contact with her or him. But Jake talking to me wasn't the problem here. It was _me_ talking to Jake that had Edward all in twist.

A fury raced through me when I realized what Edward was hinting at.

_Don't accuse, Bella! Don't accuse. You've been here before. You can't accuse him. Ask him…just ask him what he is hinting at._

I took deep steadying breaths. "Edward, what are you accusing me of? I don't want to misinterpret anything. Can you just tell me what this is all about?"

Edward kept his eyes locked with mine. They were cold, hard and mixed with a little…fear?

"I don't know, Bella. I swear I'm not a jealous man, but I can't help how I feel when I hear that Jacob is who you called out for."

Before I could verbally form a rebuttal, Edward raced forward and held me in his arms before he kissed me—hard. He pulled back, panting, and searched my eyes; his were filled with so much fear and anger.

_How could I have missed it?_

"I've tried to be strong, baby. You have no idea what agony I have been in since you've been gone. When I came here and heard about Billy harassing you, I wanted to kill him. I wanted to destroy that, the Blacks. But Charlie said you were amazing, that you fought for yourself against forgiving Jacob. You said it too, remember?"

I nodded, still reeling from his magnificent kiss.

"Bella, when Dr. Biers and I spoke, he mentioned that you harbored guilt. I couldn't fathom what the fuck he was talking about. He mentioned that you asked for him to forgive you, that you were alone. Scared."

I pushed against him, but Edward wouldn't let me go.

"Just wait a second, okay? I don't remember half of what you're talking about. But, I did discuss Jacob at length with Dr. Biers. You have to understand, Jacob loving me and me not seeing to what depth he took it to, that will haunt me…"

Edward let out a frustrated sigh, pulled back from me and started to walk away.

"Wait! Where are you going?" I pulled his arm back and made him look at me. "You can't just decide to leave and not hear what I have to say!"

"I'm sorry, but if you think I'm going to stand here and listen to you talk about your guilty feelings for Jacob…I refuse to be a part of the Jacob Black pity parade!" Edward's voice echoed in the distance. "When are you going to finally get him off of your mind, Bella? I mean, come on! I can't stand that asshole."

"That's not fair! You know it's not fair! I didn't know! But it's beside the point. Why are you freaking about Jacob? I just need answers from him, not a re-establishment of our friendship."

"And you don't think that going back and seeing him will send him the wrong message? Don't you see? This has been the longest you have been away from that asshole. Our entire marriage, Jacob has been a looming presence. After every fight we'd have, you'd run to Jacob. Everywhere we went, he was there, touching you, holding you. It was like there were three people in this marriage. Do realize that this is the first time since we have met and been married that Jacob is not playing a part in your life? But still you see the void he's left, and instead of asking me, your _husband,_ to fill it, you now want to go back and see Jacob." Edward's words were laced with venom.

"That is not what I'm doing." I pleaded as I reached up and grabbed his face. "There are a lot of things that if I could, I would go back and change in our marriage. Starting with just how much I let Jacob into my life and into our marriage. Believe me, if I could, I would. I swear it. But me asking him for answers, you can't deny me that right, Edward. Whatever he did to me, I have a right to see him and to demand answers. And before you read into it, you have to understand, even if you don't agree with it, you'll have to respect it."

Edward pulled his face out of my hands, took a few steps back and stared at my face. His held a disbelieving smirk, like he couldn't believe what I had just said.

"What?" I snapped.

"You stand there and you swear that talking to Jacob is all about getting answers. If that was all it was, then why not let me talk to him. Or Charlie? Or Sam? Or fucking anyone but you!"

I didn't understand. I mean—yes–I did. I knew why he wanted me to stay away.

Jealousy, fear, or utter hatred of Jacob, take a pick. I couldn't believe that after everything, he was acting this way.

_Are you really surprised? If it was Tanya or Victoria who was a constant in his life, wouldn't you freak out as well?_

I tried to reach out to him, but Edward pulled away. "Edward, please."

He closed his eyes and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. He looked at me with his jaw clenching. I knew he was upset, but I also knew he was battling with himself for being angry at me.

It was so hard to see him like that. Edward was everything to me. My entire recovery was due to my love for him. I wanted to make this work. But I also wanted closure. I needed it. Deep in my heart, it was painful that Edward was so against me seeing Jacob, but I had to do it. If I didn't, I would never be rid of my situation with Jacob Black. While I needed answers, I needed to confront him once and for all. Own up to my part and then let it go. Move on. I'd be free.

I moved to stand face-to-face with Edward again. He watched me closely, and I looked away before trying to get through to him once more.

"I'm not in love with Jacob Black, Edward. But he was my best friend and confidant for longer than anyone I have ever known. What he did to me…what he did to me, I will never forgive. But I owe it to myself, and I owe it to you, to face him."

Edward took a step forward, but I put my hand up to stop him.

"There are so many things I wish I could go back and change. I wish I never allowed Jacob to come with us to Los Angeles. I wish I never had him as a part of my security detail. I wish I didn't feel guilty of using him all the time you and I were apart. Because whether you want to admit it or not, the truth is that I did. There is no doubt that he took advantage of the situation, but that isn't my concern. If we are going to make a fresh start…if we are going to have any chance of moving on together, as a committed and fully functioning family, then you need to see that I can do this. More importantly, I need to know that I can do this."

He stood there silently contemplating everything I said. When his silence was too much for me to bear, I turned to leave in defeat.

"Fine," Edward whispered before he came up behind me and pulled me back to his chest and into his embrace. "Talk to Jacob, but I'm coming with you. Sam will also be there. I'm not going to take any chances with him. For all we know, he's in contact with Aro or that bastard Felix. And before we even step foot on that property, we need to talk to Jasper and let him in on this. This is the only way I'll go along with this…I'm sorry, baby, but this is non-negotiable."

"Agreed," I whispered; I didn't even need a second thought.

I turned in his arms, and Edward cupped my cheeks. He brushed the misplaced strands of hair away from my face. We stood there staring into each other's eyes.

Suddenly, the cool wind picked up, and I finally felt the icy air around us. My thoughts raced, and my adrenaline pumped through my body. I felt alive and in power. It was a surreal and new feeling. I couldn't help but smile a little, feeling the relief of having faced Edward, and well—won.

Not that it was about winning—it was more the ability to stand up, say my piece and finally not be afraid of demanding what I wanted.

All the times in the past, my decisions were laced with fear and self doubt. Even though I could very well see that talking to Jacob could end up being a bad decision, it was the fact that I wasn't filled with fear when I thought about it. I was filled with a sense of determination and strength at the thought of facing him.

I searched for love in Edward's eyes and hoped he could see the new woman who stood before him. Still utterly flawed and filled with a small sense of hesitation, but also strong enough now to walk side by side with him and unafraid of walking the hard path.

"I love you," I whispered.

Edward smiled and his eyes lit up with love. Right before he leaned down and captured my lips with his, I swear I heard him whisper, "I love you more."

An: I know you all wanted happy smexy times, but I couldn't just have them jump each other right away.

Xoxo-FunkyD. ;)

please review


	32. Chapter 29 - That Old Feeling

**Thank you to everyone on FF, TWCS, and Twilighted who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. **

**I'm sorry this chapter took so long! Writer's block and real life is just kicking my ass.**

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Previously…in chapter Twenty-Eight

As Edward and Bella continued to work with each other to bring stability to their relationship, post Bella's treatment, old habits of avoidance caused an uneasy tension to spring up between the two. When faced with the opportunity to discuss her concerns with Edward, Bella instead chose to run. Edward refusing to let her get away followed her to the meadow and confronted her. Bella realizing she needed to be strong expressed her concerns and fought for what she felt was right. The confrontation lifted the burden and brought both Edward and Bella the necessary peace to take the right steps forward, as equals in their relationships.

_All the times in the past, my decisions were laced with fear and self doubt. Even though I could very well see that talking to Jacob could end up being a bad decision, it was the fact that I wasn't filled with fear when I thought about it. I was filled with a sense of determination and strength at the thought of facing him. _

_I searched for love in Edward's eyes and hoped he could see the new woman who stood before him. Still utterly flawed and filled with a small sense of hesitation, but also strong enough now to walk side by side with him and unafraid of walking the hard path._

"_I love you," I whispered. _

_Edward smiled and his eyes lit up with love. Right before he leaned down and captured my lips with his, I swear I heard him whisper, "I love you more."_

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

**That Old Feeling**

When we finally made it back to the house, Charlie was furious. Apparently my cell phone had been out of range, and everyone had been extremely worried about us.

In his haste, Edward ran after me without so much as an explanation to everyone as to where he was going. Obviously, he was following me without any knowledge of where I was headed.

"Bella, you can't just get up and leave. It's not safe for you out there all alone." Charlie scolded me in that smooth chief of police voice of his. "And, Edward, what were you thinking? You ran out of here without one word about where you were going; how could you do that?"

We sat in the kitchen, soaking wet from our race back to the house, and got lectured like a couple of teenagers who were caught sneaking out. Charlie stood in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest, looking down at us. I bit back a smile at how quickly he slid back into the chief role.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. I should have been more responsible about everything. I just wanted to catch up with her." Edward explained like a good son-in-law.

_Such a coward!_

"Pussy!" I coughed and laughed at Edward's shocked face.

"Bella! Really, must you use that disgusting word?" Esme chastised as she moved past Charlie with towels in her hands. "Here, dry yourselves off before you both catch something."

"Sorry, Esme." I smiled at her before I took the towel and started to pat my hair dry. Esme took the towel she had for Edward and proceeded to dry his hair for him.

"Mom, what are you doing?" Edward asked in a muffled voice from under the towel, as he reached up to stop her.

Esme pushed his hands away and snapped, "Trying to be your mother."

Edward laughed and let her continue to towel dry his hair. It was odd but endearing at the same time. Edward had always had such a close relationship with his mother. I remembered the stories that Esme would tell me of her young son before we had ever met. I smiled thinking about what it would have been like to tell such stories about the child Edward and I might one day have had.

A small flutter inside me caught me off guard which caused me to brush my hand against my stomach. A warm ache formed inside of me when my mind dared to venture to thoughts of being pregnant and having Edward's child. Given everything we had been through, I wasn't sure we would ever be at a place to consider having a family again. Call it the pessimist in me, but I didn't feel that my life would ever be at a place where that would even be option again.

"I'm gonna try to get out of these wet clothes and maybe take a shower, okay?" I said as I stood and started to leave the kitchen.

"Wait, what do you want to do about dinner?" Esme asked as she looked over her shoulder.

I stepped past Charlie and replied, "Anything is fine, surprise me!"

When I grabbed the robe from my bedroom and made it inside the safety of the bathroom, I locked the door, leaned over the sink, and just took a minute to absorb everything.

_Babies. Fat, chubby, angel-faced babies. Could we ever get to a point where we would have enough love, safety, and stability in our lives where we could even think about starting a family? _

I loved my husband, even more than I ever thought possible. After everything we had spoken about over the course of the day, it seemed that we were one more step closer to fixing our problems.

Most couples had life goals and relationship issues they had to work through before they thought themselves ready to start a family. Edward and I were at that point once upon time—but not anymore.

Our checklist was more the morbid type.

_1. Find out who is trying to kill me._

_2. Make sure I'm stable enough to handle stressful situations and not run away._

_3. Terminate all the dysfunctional relationships that seem to rule my life._

My hand rubbed over the lower part of my stomach, and I took a deep break, exhaling the pain that came along with the thoughts of being pregnant again.

_Would it work? Could we have a family? Free of all the death threats and craziness that followed me. Was it even possible to have a family that was free of the dysfunction that ruled my life? _

Turning on the shower, I felt the water turn warm. As the steam filled the bathroom, I peeled the layers of cold clothes off and let them fall into a wet muddled mess. Stepping into the shower, I stood under the water and allowed myself to feel the tension wash away.

The kiss I shared with Edward in the meadow, had opened more doors of love than I had hoped. His kisses weren't only filled with passion and desire but were filled with a frenzy I hadn't remembered before. It was like we were both reborn in that moment.

Crazy, I know—considering how many times we had fought and made up—but it wasn't the bedroom in which Edward and I had problems; it was all the other rooms in the house filled with my baggage from years ago that we couldn't handle.

I remembered our first time together and how scared I was when I realized that Edward was going to be the first man I would make love to. We hadn't spoken about eternal love and marriage, but I had hoped that maybe we could last. He was so handsome and perfect. I was so scared that my scars would make our moment not-so-special.

I was so lost in my own insecurities that I had underestimated my beautiful man. Every moment spent with Edward was magic; he never failed to amaze me with his gentle love and calm persona. He gave me something that night no other man ever could and ever would as far I was concerned—he gave his _soul_. It was when he made me his once and for all that he gave me his _light_, his gorgeous shimmer that seemed to illuminate me on the inside and out.

With Edward, everything faded away until all that remained was us.

Grabbing the bar of soap, I lathered my body with the soapy suds. I didn't know if it was the warmth of the water or if it was thoughts of Edward, but I started to feel a heat inside me that I hadn't felt for some time.

My soapy hands rubbed my neck and shoulders, washing my way down to my breasts. The water seemed to cool as my body temperature started to rise. The tips of my nipples were sensitive as I washed over them.

_Fuck. _

My mind filled with thoughts of Edward. I bit my lower lip and let my hands travel lower; my wet soapy fingers slid inside myself, and I couldn't help it; I let out a low moan of pent-up frustration.

The steamy air around me and the wetness mixed in with water only aided my need for self-satisfaction. Bracing myself against the tile I spread my legs wanting only to satiate my inner desire.

Flashes of Edward and me danced around my mind. Images of what we could have done—correction, what we should have done—to make up for lost time sent my senses into overload.

I stroked and strummed myself over and over biting my lower lip to stop from moaning too loudly. The water cascading down my body washed the soap from me but did nothing to wash away the desire that was flowing through me with the force of a hurricane.

Panting and moaning, my body flushed with desire—I approached my climax precipitously.

The sound of the water spraying through the showerhead along with me biting the palm of my hand helped muffle the sounds of my erotic release. I shuddered, moaned, and pressed my fingertips against the tiles as I slid down and rested inside the tub.

I tried to catch my breath and slowly felt the passion within me subside.

_I can't believe I haven't masturbated more often!_

A laugh escaped me, and I giggled like a school girl. It was unbelievable, the feelings of love and passion I felt. The warmth and the desire that awakened within me made me feel like I was whole again.

The void that I had unknowingly carried with me all these years, the hole that carried the ache and pain of uncertainty, it seemed to close—albeit slowly.

A knocking at the door and Edward's concerned voice made me hurry to get ready. Shutting the water off, I tied a towel securely around myself and opened the door.

Edward took a step back as I stepped out of the steamy bathroom. His eyes widened as he looked me up and down.

"Baby, are you okay?" he asked cautiously. "You look a little flushed."

The heat rushed to my face as thoughts of what I had just done came to mind. I bit my lower lip and looked up at Edward from under my lashes.

"I'm fine now," I whispered as I walked past him.

"Wait, Bella, are you sure you're okay?" Edward pressed his palm to my face and held me around my shoulders. "I heard you moan."

I let out a nervous laugh, so embarrassed by the fact that Edward heard the sounds of my release. It wasn't that I was ashamed by it, but Edward asking me about it caused me to look away.

"I wasn't hurt, actually quite the opposite," I muttered under my breath.

"What does that mean? I mean, if you weren't moaning in pain you had to be—" Edward stopped talking and just stood there with a bewildered look on his face.

I slipped by him and made my way to the bedroom.

Just as I stepped past the door, a brazen feeling came over me, and I gave Edward a sultry look from over my shoulder. "Baby, don't take too long."

Edward looked from me to the bathroom and then back at me. He took in a slow breath when he realized what I meant. He almost took a step in my direction but stopped when I winked and shut the bedroom door, making a point to lock it.

Call me a tease, but I was dressed and talking with Esme in the kitchen before Edward got out of the shower. When he walked into the kitchen, his eyes searched for me, and all I could do was hide behind my glass of juice.

Walking right up to me, Edward placed his arms on either side of me, caging me in against the counter. I smirked at him as his passion-filled eyes bore into mine.

"Did you have a nice shower?" I asked with a smile that was hard to hide.

"I did. But it would have been so much more enjoyable if you had been in there with me. You know, Bella, had I known that we had moved on from the awkward stage of our situation, I would have made arrangements to have you all to myself—all this time."

I looked up into his emerald green eyes and lost myself entirely in them. His mouth was so close to me that I felt the breath of his every word on my face.

The kitchen seemed to close in, and everyone's conversations faded into the background. All that seemed to exist was Edward and me.

He watched me so closely but didn't utter a single word. When I licked my lips, his eyes followed the path of my tongue.

When he reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and palmed my cheek, I closed my eyes for a moment and just let myself feel his touch.

It took Esme asking us about dinner to bring us back from our musings. At first I didn't care what we did about dinner as long as I was able to remain close to Edward.

But when words like "diner" and "Port Angeles" started getting tossed around, I shook the anxious thoughts I was playing out in my mind, and I asked if we could just stay in.

"Bella, aren't you sick and tired of eating at home?" Esme asked as she scrolled through her phone. "Wouldn't you like to just go out and see the town? I know things have been difficult, but it might be nice. Maybe give it a try? Just this once?"

It was hard to say _no _when it was obvious Esme was itching to get out and away for one evening. While my mind raced with so many reasons why it would be an awful idea, I couldn't break her heart.

Sensing my discomfort, Edward came to my rescue and tried his best to talk to his mother. However, when even Charlie suggested that it would be good to drive into town as a family, I put a calming hand on Edward's shoulder and decided that I would try for their sake.

"It's all right, Edward. I think that maybe we all could use a night together." I said, trying my best to mask the edge in my voice. When Edward gave me a questioning look, I smiled and whispered, "It's okay, really."

The second Edward nodded in agreement, Esme was on the phone with Sue asking about restaurants in town. It was decided that an Italian restaurant that had been around forever would be a good choice. I had to smile when Esme started to fuss over Charlie's casual attire.

Charlie mumbled as he left the kitchen to change. This was a new side to Esme, and I smiled when Edward whispered that she was who Alice got her spunk from.

After speaking with Esme, Sam went outside to quickly set up which security teams would go and which ones would stay, leaving Edward and me alone in the kitchen.

"So?" Edward said with a smirk.

I bit my lower lip and looked away. "What?"

"I can't believe you're blushing; I haven't even said anything yet." Edward leaned down and kissed the base of my neck as he spoke.

"Baby, we can't do this. Charlie could come down to the kitchen at any moment, and Esme is in the next room," I whispered as I pushed him away.

Edward only tightened his hold on me and pressed his hard body into mine.

"If you think that I am gonna let my mother and your father stop us from making love, you are out of your mind," Edward mumbled as he continued to attack my neck.

"I know this might sound extremely vulgar, but holy fuck, baby, I have needs." Unable to hold back my giggle, I tried yet again to unsuccessfully push him away. When that didn't work, I got past him into the living room and quickly hid behind Esme.

"Bella, Edward? Aren't you both going to put your jackets on? It's extremely cold outside." Esme asked as she slipped on her gloves. Walking to the foot of the staircase, she called out for Charlie to hurry up.

As Edward helped me slip on my jacket, he couldn't contain his need to touch me. He squeezed my ass as he walked behind me, his hand resting a little too long on the curve of my breasts as he helped me zip up my jacket, and he successfully stole a kiss when we walked to the car. I was so giddy with the love I felt from him that the entire car ride into Port Angeles, I didn't feel the anxiety I normally would have when making a trip like this away from the security of the house.

The trees whisked by, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky as we drove the winding roads outside of Forks. When I felt Edward squeeze my hand, I turned and looked at him.

"I love you," he mouthed before he leaned over and kissed me softly. Even though he was so soft and gentle, the passion that hovered beneath the surface was written all over his face.

When he pulled back, we both stared at each other, our eyes an open book to what we wanted in that moment, but we were so powerless to act on it.

"Soon," I mouthed back silently as he stole another kiss before the car came to a stop.

We filtered out of the car, and Sam quickly ushered us inside the restaurant. After appointing Quil to watch inside, he left to make sure the other security team was in place outside.

Sue had already arrived and reserved a table for us. It helped that she was very close friends with the evening manager, who was beaming and bursting at the seams with happiness for our choosing her restaurant to dine in.

Esme and I both hugged Sue, and she nodded at Edward and Charlie. It was cute how she kept stealing glances Charlie's way. When we were seated, I noticed Charlie lean in close to whisper something into her ear. Sue was quick to look down and turn an interesting shade of pink, but she tapped Charlie's hand.

Esme, Edward and I gave one another a knowing glance before we started to look over the menu. I tried to remember what was good here and looked at the patrons on the other side of the restaurant who kept looking over at us. I guess it was to be expected; after all, ever since my attack in New York, the news media had taken a renewed interest in us.

During my recovery, I had decided to skip anything in the news that related to Edward and me. It was so peaceful to be able to fully close the world out and focus not only on myself but on my husband, too.

Even though we disagreed on how to handle Jacob, it was nice to have been able to at least talk it out and come to some kind of understanding.

It was surprising to me how such a small hurdle helped us heal and finally put our marriage back on track. I knew that there would be more issues and disagreements; I wasn't totally lost in la la land to think that everything was perfect now. But in the back of my mind I knew that we were at a new beginning of sorts in our relationship, and we just desperately needed to survive this.

Soon the stares were gone, and the novelty wore off. For a moment, it felt so _normal,_ and I loved it. Well almost normal, if you ignored the fact that I had a bodyguard packing heat with an ear piece so he could stay connected to others on my security detail, but other than that, everything seemed kind of normal.

Throughout the meal, Edward was always close and attentive. Whether it was holding my hand under the table or having me taste something from off of his plate, we were always connected.

The humming sensation that ran through us kept everything so charged.

For the most part, dinner was much more relaxed than I had thought it would be. Edward would nudge me when he caught Sue or Charlie smiling at each other or whispering something to each other.

Watching my dad—a rough and raw-edged man—tamed by a gentle and soft-spoken woman was very endearing.

_Mom was so loud and free-spirited, and she would have loved Sue if she'd ever met her. If Mom is looking down on us now, does she approve of my father moving? Of course she would. She was practical and loving, Mom would have wanted Dad to be happy._

I smiled at the thought and excused myself to use the ladies's room. Edward quickly asked if I wanted him to walk with me; shaking my head, I made my way to the back of the restaurant. My mind was consumed with so many thoughts of my mother that it hadn't occurred to me what he had meant and what had happened the last time I had used a restaurant restroom.

However, the second my hand touched the door knob and I slid the door to the ladies room open, I was hit with a sudden sense of déjà vu.

The flashes came so fast they were like a punch to the gut. I doubled over and pressed my hands to my stomach.

"No," I whispered in between gasps for breath. _He _was there, the man behind the mirrored sunglasses. His ghostly apparition was standing there in front of me with his evil grin. His words filled my ears with every single disgusting phrase he had uttered as he attacked me came flooding back.

I gritted my teeth and looked away for a moment. My hand grasped the door frame, and I tried my best to keep myself steady.

_It's not real. He is not real._

I tried my best to ground myself and tried to keep everything in perspective. I didn't know why I was feeling this way—all I knew was that I needed to get past it.

_This will not hold me back. Get your act together and get in there. You can do it!_

When a hand descended on me, I threw a frantic look over my shoulder and locked eyes with Sue. Her lips moved, but my mind was on such overload that I wasn't able to make out what she was saying. Every word sounded garbled—like she was talking under water.

When Quil came over quickly, asking what was wrong, I reached up, grasped her hand in mine and Sue told him to wait.

Taking a necessary breath, I gathered the courage to speak. "Sue, I'm okay. I just need to get in there."

She just stood there with a worried look on her face and glanced back to where everyone was sitting. I gave her a pleading look and shook my head. I didn't want this to derail me; I wanted to overcome this. On my own.

Sue looked back to where everyone was sitting once more before looking back and telling Quil to stay with me.

"Wait one minute," she whispered before she walked past me into the ladies' room. He held the door open, and we watched as she checked every stall. When Sue was done, she walked back to me and held me around the shoulders. "Okay, you can do this."

Nodding hesitantly, I stepped into the doorway and felt the anxious feeling start to rise inside of me. As I inched my way forward, Sue took a few steps back with me.

_This is not real. He is dead. You are fine. Just walk in there. _

Every step was filled with tension and mental agony, but I had to do this—mainly for myself.

Sue held me close and helped me walk into the restroom. When I stepped past the doorway, the tight tension that had coiled itself around my chest started to loosen. We stood there together for a second before I nodded to her, and Sue slowly let go of me.

I looked around, and even though this was an entirely different bathroom, it was such a close representation. The doors on the stalls were all closed, and it took me a long moment before I attempted to walk to every door and push them open. With each door I slid open to reveal an empty space, the more and more I seemed to relax.

When I reached the last door and convinced myself that my attacker was indeed dead, buried, and not lurking inside every bathroom stall waiting to attack me, the relief of the situation sucked the energy out of me, and I held onto the bathroom sink for support.

As Sue moved forward to hug me from behind, I held onto her hand in my mine and looked at our reflections. A small tear escaped her eye before she was able to wipe it away.

I wanted to say something endearing and loving. I wanted the words to be something extraordinary and sweet that could tie us together; while I had never envisioned my father would genuinely find someone to fill the void my mother left, nevertheless I was happy that he had Sue—I was even more thankful that she was here with me.

As much as I wanted, nothing poetic or meaningful came to mind, and all I could utter was, "Thank you."

By the time I walked back to the table with Sue, we had composed ourselves remarkably well. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and sat back down next to Edward.

Charlie and Edward were in some deep political discussion, and Esme was playing referee. Midsentence, Edward handed me his half-filled cup of coffee. It wasn't until I took a sip that I realized that he had made it perfectly to my liking. I hummed in appreciation and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. The look on Edward's face told me that he wasn't expecting it. However, when he flashed me his signature smile and slid an arm around my waist to pull me closer into a deep kiss, it was all I needed to know that the public display of affection was all right by him.

I chanced a glance at Charlie, who had suddenly taken an interest in his tiramisu, but was relieved that he wasn't sporting an angry look.

As the night went on, we spoke and laughed about different memories. The small inner battle I had won in the ladies' room earlier had helped me satiate the scared inner girl, who was so afraid that there were still boogie men out to get her.

_Well, the boogieman are still out to get you. Only the henchman is dead, not the one who sent him._

I shook away the thought but not before a shiver went through me. Edward's finely-tuned sixth sense kicked in, and he suavely slipped his jacket over me.

"Better, baby?" he asked before he smiled and gave me a kiss on the forehead. With his arm resting around me, I leaned against him and took in Edward's manly comfort as I surrounded myself with the humming sensation that was still present with us from earlier in the day. I wasn't going to think about it. Nothing was going to ruin my night.

I hoped.

When Esme and Sue started to talk about Thanksgiving, surprisingly I found myself particularly interested in the planning. It was decided that Esme would host everyone at the house they had rented outside of Forks for my recovery; it seemed the best choice since everyone who would be flying in would be able to stay together.

When we started to talk about the menu, I found myself sharing some of my mother's recipes. Even though I had attempted to make them after she passed, the mood was never up to par with the meal presented. However, with all the fresh and brand new starts that I was working on in my life, it seemed only natural that Thanksgiving be one of them.

We all managed to keep the conversations alive and vibrant, and before we knew it, it was closing time. Thoroughly exhausted and remarkably full, we'd had an amazing evening. I hugged Esme and thanked her for suggesting the outing. She smiled and gave me an extra hug back.

When Edward and I stepped out of the restaurant, we were greeted with an icy wind. He pulled me into his arms, and we walked hand in hand to the waiting cars. There were a few gawkers who were standing near the restaurant steps, but the security team did a good job of keeping us covered. As we slid in, we both felt a flicker of lights. We didn't need to turn and look to know that someone had taken some pictures of us. We cuddled close in the back seat, and the SUV took off behind the car that held everyone else.

"Do you think—"

Edward cut me off before I could finish. "It's OK, baby, even if someone got pictures of us, we're completely protected." Edward pulled me closer and gave me a reassuring kiss. "Nothing is going to happen to you."

And just like that, I had to trust him. I knew that I should have been more concerned; I mean, I was living in a bubble here in Forks. While it was nice to think that everyone thought I had fallen off the face of the earth, it was extremely ignorant to think that no one would ever put two and two together.

After all, Forks was still considered my hometown. But I managed to let it go. I had to give in and let Edwards' words of strength and security fill my mind.

It felt so perfect lying against him as I watched the trees pass in the moonlight. Edward kept caressing my arms and leaned down to kiss me a few times.

The light snow that dusted the landscape helped reflect the moonlight, illuminating everything we passed. As we approached the turnoff to our street, I realized that we were the only car pulling up in front of our house. Somewhere along the way we had lost the other two cars.

"Edward, where is everyone else?" I looked out the car window to see if we had somehow passed them along the road.

Edward opened the door and reached out to me. "Charlie is going to the Rez with Sue, and Mom is going back to the main house."

"When was this decided?" I asked as I watched the security team pull up behind us.

Edward reached out and intertwined his fingers with mine, "when you went to the restroom. Mom asked if we wanted some time to ourselves. I thought about getting a room in town for the night, but the security couldn't be guaranteed. So then she suggested we split up tonight."

"So just like that Charlie agreed?" I was shocked. While Edward and I were married, I didn't think Charlie would be so ready to help us find our way back to each other in an intimate way.

"Well, he didn't seem sure, but Sue—God bless her—came to our rescue. Have I told you how much I love her?" I couldn't help but laugh with him as we trudged our way up the steps.

"So…this means we have the house to ourselves?" I asked as he pulled me into the house and tried to shut the door.

Sam quickly put a hand out and stopped it from shutting on him. "Edward, I gotta check the house."

"Oh!" Edward pulled back and let him and two others file in. We watched and they quickly split up, turning on lights and checking both floors of the house.

"I'm sorry, but we were away longer than I feel was comfortable to let a quick perimeter check go undone. We had the backup team here the entire time, but they aren't kept inside the house," Sam explained as he quickly requested checks from the other two on his team.

Then as quickly as they came in, they turned off all the lights and made it as though they hadn't been there.

When the door clicked shut behind them, Edward slipped his arms around me and kissed my neck. "To answer your question before we got interrupted, yes, we have the house all to ourselves."

I turned to face him as he undid my coat and slipped it off. We stood back for a moment and just stared at each other in the darkness. The moonlight dimly outlined where we stood, so silent and suddenly so unsure.

In the shower that morning, I was confident that if Edward had walked in, there would be no way that I wouldn't have acted on my feelings. I would have ravished him. However, standing there in that moment looking at him, I couldn't have felt more unsure of what to do next.

Edward sensed my hesitation, and forever the gentleman that he was, he gave me the easy way out.

Rubbing my shoulders, he whispered, "Why don't you grab us some more coffee, and I'll start us a fire in the living room."

Edward reached down and gave me a quick kiss on my lips before he pulled back and looked into my eyes. I glanced up at him from under my lashes and bit my lower lip.

"Fuck, baby, don't do that. I'm trying to do this the right way." His voice strained and filled with tension as he leaned forward to cup my face in his hands to press his lips to mine before he stepped back and made his way to the fireplace.

Every kiss we had shared that evening lit a small spark inside of me. What was so magical about Edward's kisses was their effect—they always lingered inside my soul.

On shaky legs, I made my way to the kitchen and rubbed my sweaty palms together. Walking over to the percolator, I reached for the handle and stopped short of touching it.

I pressed my palms onto the countertop and took a long, deep breath.

_What the fuck are you doing in the kitchen? He's in the living room—stalling—again giving you time to pull yourself together. Forget the coffee! Get in there and take your life back with both hands. _

My breaths were short but deep, as I thought words of encouragement.

_He loves you. Every battle you have fought, was so that you could walk back in there and claim the happiness he gives you—so go back in there and take it. _

I rubbed my hands together and slowly made my way back to the living room. It surprised me when I saw Edward standing and staring at a log he held in his hand. I wanted to say something, but instead I waited.

Gone was the cocky, smart-mouthed, sexy man who flirted with me at every turn. In his place stood a man who seemed to scream words like _insecurity_ and _hesitation_.

Watching him stand in the dark shadows of the room, his head bent and his shoulders sagging, it was like he held the weight of the world. My love was tense as he looked over that piece of chopped wood in his hands.

He let out a slow breath, as he slowly placed a fresh log over the burnt ones in the fireplace. He delicately tore some newspaper and placed it in strategic places over and under the wood before he reached for the matches. His shirt was tight against him as he sat on bended knees and lit the taper to start the fire. Edward ran a frustrated hand into his hair and watched the flame start a slow burn, before he blew at the flames to help it ignite.

I watched from the doorway of the living room as the room started to light up a bit. The dark shadows were suddenly washed away by the firelight. Edward's face was suddenly illuminated, and I could see his expression more clearly.

It was worry—no, it _was_ insecurity. _Was he worried about us? _

The desire to take away his fears was so fierce that I took determined steps forward and walked toward him until I stood at his back.

When Edward ran a frustrated hand through his hair, _again,_ and settled it there after letting out a deep anxious breath, I reached out and placed my hand over his.

He jerked forward and looked up at me with a startled expression. "I didn't even hear you come in."

I held his eyes with mine, and Edward tilted his head to the side and looked from my hand still holding his back to me again. He swallowed and cleared his throat, the questioning look still on his face.

"Are you nervous about something?" My voice was surprisingly calm and crystal clear. Edward opened and shut his jaw, almost saying something but then choosing not to. I looked over his face and his nervous expression. It had me wondering. "What? Why are you looking so confused?"

"I'm not confused, love." His cheeks colored slightly, and he brought my hand—still clutched in his hands—to his lips. "I'm anything but confused. But yes, I'm a little nervous…I can't begin to think of a reason why."

I smiled and laughed a little. "Don't tell me that the thought of making love makes you nervous."

Edward looked away bashful and shy suddenly. He looked up at me before he glanced at my feet and reached out to run his hand from my ankles up to my knees. He kept my hand in his as he leaned back and pulled me into his lap.

I left myself fall and felt the fire course through me as I pressed my body against my magnificent man. He held me close and kissed me gently. We both pulled back and looked into each other's eyes.

"It's gonna be okay; just trust me," Edward whispered softly, and all I could do was nod.

The firelight brought out the hidden flecks of gold in his eyes, and they almost looked amber. It was like the passion was ignited within him—the light of the flame—a telling sign.

He slipped his fingers in my hair and pulled me back into a soft kiss. The faint smell of his cologne drove me wild with desire, but I was so tongue-tied I couldn't form the words to speak. I decided it was safer to let my hands do the talking. My fingers ran up and down along the column of his neck and rested on his collarbone. Our kisses were so fervent—so filled with a need. I didn't know where he began and I ended. It was this kind of love and desire that I felt for Edward that I basked in—that I drew strength from.

He searched my neck for those sweet spots that pulled moans from me on demand, and I dug my fingers into his shoulders instinctively. Soon his shirt was bunched in my hands as he drew soft whimpers from me, untying the nervous knots that had formed inside me.

When Edward's mouth kissed the valley between my breasts, I moaned and pulled him closer to me. His touches were less soft and filled with more of a fever. I felt his control start to collapse. Edward wanted me, desperately, that much I knew. But he wouldn't make a move. He was waiting to make sure I was ready. He was waiting for me to take that leap of faith—to finally just give in and let go—loving him and everything we had.

_You can do this._

All through the experience of finding myself and making sure I was strong enough to handle things on my own, it never occurred to me that I would need to take charge when it came to my husband and our love life. I always sought shelter within Edward and the love that he provided.

But kissing him on the living room floor of my childhood home, I realized quickly how nervous my beloved was that he was holding back his needs over mine.

_Take him. Show him the love you feel for him._

My inner thoughts couldn't even capture the love I felt for him. But I prayed my actions would. I cupped his face in my hands and sucked on his lower lip and whispered softly against them. "Don't you think it's time to stop tiptoeing around?"

Edward was out of breath and panted as he looked into my eyes. "Are you sure?"

When I nodded, he attacked my mouth with such force it sent my mind reeling. His lips ignited the need inside me to an insane level. He slid his hands along my hips and lower back, keeping me against him as close as two fully-dressed people could be.

I pushed myself away from him, itching to get out of my clothes. I stood up and quickly started to undress. Slipping off my shoes and unbuttoning my blouse, I looked at my bewildered husband's expression.

When the soft cotton material slid down my skin and fell to the floor, I started to undo my jeans.

Edward's mouth hung open slightly as I slipped my jeans all the way down and stepped out of them. I stood in my bra and panties and slowly took the pins out of my hair. Shaking my hair free, I watched as he reached out to touch my satin-covered hips.

"Fuck, baby, you're so perfect." He stood and leaned forward, as hhe pressed his lips to my neck, and I instinctively fisted his shirt in my hand.

My mind, still waging a battle with the uncertainty of my heart, fought to be heard.

_Am I ready? Is he ready? Can I do this? Will this take care of all the uncertainty that has filled my heart all this time? _

I shook my head; the questions…the concerns were honestly pointless. I loved Edward so much that I didn't know why taking this step to a new life with my husband was so hard.

We had made love countless times over the years, but ever since our hurdles, every time seemed so strained and difficult at first. While there was always love, there was also a desperation that we couldn't shake. I was determined not to let this time be like all those others. I wanted the fire back, I wanted the passion, and I wanted the only man I had ever loved to make love to me. I wanted him to be mine once and for all without reservation or concern—never again did I want there to be such a ocean of uncertainty between us. Other couples had problems of the heart; we had evils that somehow followed us disguised as our closest confidants and friends. Never again would I let there be such a cause for me and Edward to separate.

We lost so many battles, but tonight I planned on winning the war.

I leaned back and pulled his face to mine, kissing his lips passionately. The urges just raced to the surface. Our kisses that started off soft and sensual morphed into frantic and needy. Edward broke his kiss long enough to stand and lift me into his arms.

The movement was so swift it took me by surprise, but the fire in Edward's eyes brought me right back to him.

Cupping his face, I wrapped my arms around his neck as he held me up, kissing my jaw, my neck and squeezing me tightly against him. I held my beloved's face in my hands and locked eyes with him.

"If at any point you need me to slow down..." Edward's voice trailed at the end of the sentence he didn't bother finishing.

And there it was. Those simple words that he uttered had blown away any lingering doubt I felt about holding back anything from him.

Right then in that moment, those few seconds of us staring into each other's eyes. My husband's name echoed in my mind, and it reached down into the deepest part of my soul, filling me with a comfort only he could provide.

I was his and he was mine. We belonged to each other. There would never be anything greater than that, and there would never be anything that could ever come close to the feelings we felt for each other.

I gripped the back of his neck and pulled him to me, kissing him, letting my deep-rooted passion flow through me.

"Upstairs," was the only word I could say.

Silently, Edward held me as I kissed and touched him. He took the stairs two at a time and slightly stumbled as he carried me into my room.

Setting me down gently on the bed, he walked to the door and slowly shut it. With the soft click of the lock, he turned to me, and there in the shadows of the moonlight, I saw our future in his eyes.

How we chose to proceed, with who was after me and who wanted me dead, it didn't matter because we would beat it. Never again would we let the personal doubts and circumstances of others come between us.

The steps we were taking meant more than just fulfilling a physical need that was fractured due to addiction and grief. The love we made, the passion we elicited from each other, was the fire of a new, more concrete beginning.

A beginning that meant taking back the life we took for granted for so long and the love we both so desperately craved.

**An: Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. I'll update as soon as I can. **

**Xoxo—FunkyD.**

_**Please Review**_


	33. Chapter 30 - The Way We Were

**Thank you to everyone on FF, TWCS, and Twilighted who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much. I honestly wanted to get this chapter out before Thanksgiving, but family commitments slowed me down! I know: Epic Fail. **

**As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Thirty

**The Way We Were**

When Edward rolled to his side, I went with him. Draping myself over him, I laid my head down to rest over his frantically-beating heart. Our bodies were slick, and we both struggled for breath.

Our marathon-like sexual reconnection had left me tired and aching. Regardless, I had never felt more complete. The moment Edward had shut the door—and the imaginary thread that held our tightly-twisted fates in a delicate balance broke—we leapt forward with a renewed determination to shower each other with love. The moment the walls came tumbling down everything was utterly perfect.

I was one with him as he was with me. I couldn't put it into any words that made sense, but I knew that the milestone we had achieved, during the course of the night, wasn't one of only satiating lust—it was one to intertwine our souls again.

His lips pressed against my temple, and I couldn't help but smile and hum in response. Edward shifted a bit from under me and pulled me closer to him. The movement reminded me that he was still deep inside of me. He was just as hard as when he first entered me, and I smiled when I remembered how beautiful it felt to be filled by him.

The moisture I felt inside reminded me of the fact that we hadn't used a condom. My old self would have been worried or consumed with the implications of our actions, but I couldn't force myself to give a damn.

I loved my husband with all my heart and soul, and if a child was to result because of our actions, that baby would be the reward for overcoming and fighting for ourselves.

The thoughts of a child helped stir a familiar longing that I had felt earlier that day. The idea of feeling Edward's baby inside of me…I almost wanted to cry at the relief I felt then thinking of it.

I turned my face up and looked upon Edward's face. His eyes were shut, and the mask of concern had slipped off, only to be replaced with a look I could only describe as contentment.

_How was I? Was it good for him? I mean we had made love a few times already…so it had to be amazing right? _

The thoughts raced around my mind until we both settled in for the night. A few hours later, when I was sure Edward was asleep; I sighed and turned pressing myself against him.

Leaning down, I kissed the soft skin of his chest and rubbed myself against him until I felt a familiar heat between my legs.

_Would he mind if I woke him up? I mean we should be making up for lost time, shouldn't we? _

Edward surprised me as he brought me up to him roughly only to turn us in bed until he was on top of me, kissing me fiercely and pulling me from my inner thoughts.

I loved it when he kissed me that way—so demanding and a little reckless. Earlier, Edward had been so careful and started out with his softer side. It was like he was holding back or trying to prove his love to me gently or in a way that he thought I deserved.

I wouldn't stand for it; I honestly just couldn't. I knew he hesitated when I held his face in my hands and whispered against his lips that I wanted more—that I wanted it harder.

"_Trust me when I say I won't break. Just give me everything—make me yours again."_

His eyes were wide with worry as he bent his head in submission, and I knew he was questioning his ability to bring us back where we both desperately wanted to be.

I stuck my tongue out, licking his lips, and made him look deep into my eyes. Kissing him softly, and then tightening my hold of his hair, I wrapped my legs around his waist. I wouldn't let him do this. I wouldn't let him hold back.

I owed it to Edward to show him how serious I was about us making a new start. If taking control and using our love-making to show him how much things had changed then I'd do it.

When I reached between us to stroke his cock and kiss him passionately, Edward moaned into my mouth. I smiled when I realized how natural it was to elicit such sounds from my husband.

Working with my hands, my body, and my mouth, I conjured up my own magic and did my best to cast a spell to break the bonds that held back my husband's inner sexual beast.

The more he moaned and the more his breathing became labored, I knew it was working. I pressed my heated body against him and undulated my hips up to invite his cock home. The words of lust and ecstasy that tumbled from my mouth seemed foreign even to me. I couldn't remember the last time I had ever spoken to him that way but couldn't bring myself to stop. Especially when I was so close to achieving what I knew we both so desperately craved.

When I helped set Edward free, nothing could have prepared me for the lust-filled beast which emerged from inside Edward's cage.

My screams of lust were muffled when Edward's mouth took control of mine and his cock surged forward into me. My pussy pulsed with need when he entered. The feeling of our flesh—mine against his—was the fullfilling of a need so primal, all rational thought fled from my mind.

"_Goddamnit, look at me, Bella." _Edward had demanded my eyes be open and on his when I came the first time. I was vulnerable and he knew it. The old Edward would have pulled back—demanded that the more aggressive Edward be careful. But thank God, _that_ Edward was long gone.

"_Yes! Fuck me harder. Make me yours again—just take me!"_ I baited him with words that I knew would elicit the primal nature of my man. His responded by fucking me harder and demanding that I say that I was his and his alone.

When I uttered my words of devotion, Edward, using his muscled thighs he spread me wider and pounded his hips into me. Over and over, he plunged deep inside of me. I chanted his name repeatedly. Even though certain angles had brought a slight ache, it filled my pussy with such a desire that it shot through, making me feel more alive than I had ever felt before.

He begged me to come again, his voice so strained with need that the words almost sounded like he was growling. He knew he was in control, and at his command, my body was slammed with an orgasm with such force that I had to reach out for the headboard to steady myself.

"_Oh my God, I love you so much, Bella." _His words were followed with him slamming into me again, as deep as he could, grinding himself and emptying himself inside of me.

So there we lay, rejuvenated after our lovemaking, Edward kissing me vigorously, his need very evident—again.

"I love you, so much, Bella." The emotion in his voice overtook my heart, and I cupped the side of his face.

"I know. Baby, I know, and I love you so much too." I took a deep breath and whispered, "You make me feel so normal. The ache and the pain—the feeling of being broken—it's totally gone when I'm with you. I never thought we'd get this back—but by God, I am so thankful."

I was able to keep myself from fully crying out, but I wasn't able to stop the tears of happiness and relief from flowing. Edward leaned down and kissed every single one that escaped and trailed down my cheek.

His eyes filled with such adoration that I almost missed the words he had whispered.

My eyes widened, and I shook my head a little. "Um what? What did you say?"

"I love you, Bella. I don't think I could ever survive another separation or episode like we've gone through. Promise me—please—just promise me we'll fight like hell to never go back there again."

His eyes were filled with so much emotion, they glistened. I smiled up at him and pulled him down to me and kissed him passionately. Pouring all the love and desire I felt deep inside into my kiss, I did my best to reassure him that I wasn't ever going to let us get back to that horrible place again.

Edward pulled back and trailed kisses down my neck. He couldn't stop moving his body against mine; using his thighs, he spread my legs open, and slipped into me again.

As if I were made for him, my body accepted him deep inside of me without any resistance.

"I love you, Bella. I love you, I love you, I love you." He repeated the over and over again as he pressed his face into my hair. I closed my eyes and enjoyed how perfect it felt for him to be inside of me.

He loved me so seductively and so softly. He held me so possessively, and I loved it. The emotions he pulled from me so easily had me moaning loudly.

The deeper Edward pushed, the closer I came to the edge. I opened my eyes and looked to Edward, who begged me to tell him that I was his—again.

When I felt myself falling over the edge, my words of love and devotion tumbled out in a whisper. It was only then that Edward let himself go deep inside of me.

As we lay there, a tangled mess of limbs and panting breaths, I rolled to my side and Edward spooned me from behind. He pulled me to him, with my back to his chest, and kissed my shoulder.

As we both settled in for the night, I took comfort in the thoughts of this new beginning that Edward and I had. While we still had a lot to overcome, the hardest parts were over. I watched the snow falling softly outside the bedroom window and heard the wind rustling through the trees.

My mind drifted to thoughts of the evils that were following me. I was filled with a sudden dread when I realized that I still didn't know who was after me. Letting out a deep sigh, I pushed those thoughts away. I wouldn't let myself go there, not after the night that Edward and I had shared.

So I closed my eyes and decided I wouldn't think about who was trying to kill me.

_Don't think about it. Be happy for tonight; you deserve it. Think about who is trying to kill you tomorrow. _

It was easier said than done, but I did my best to take my own advice and tightened my hold on Edward's arm and quickly fell asleep.

*********************_TDDOM**************************_

He was trying to kill me. That had to be it.

_I can see the headlines now. "Death by too many orgasms."_

It was the only answer that flashed across my mind. We made love throughout the night, but he didn't stop there. Edward woke me while it was still very early the next morning and made love to me again.

At first I thought I was dreaming when I felt him brush my hair to the side and put his mouth to my back. But the sizzle that raced through me the moment I felt his lips against my skin had me moaning his name and realizing that I was truly awake.

The night before, our lovemaking was frantic—desperate almost—but the next morning it was all about expressing our love. He kissed the curve of my ass, rubbing it with his hands. As he worked his way down, he kissed my legs and teased the back of my knees with his tongue. It drove me wild, and he knew it.

It wasn't long before he turned me over and kissed me deeply. Edward kept his lips to mine before spreading my legs and sliding inside of me.

He pulled me up from the bed and rested on his heels. I felt him so deep inside of me; my moans were so desperate with need. Edward murmured his love for me as he kissed my lips and neck. We stayed against each other as we rode together.

There were no more words between us. None were really needed. When I kissed his mouth softly, I realized I needed more. Slipping my arms around his neck, I deepened the kiss.

Edward held me around the waist as he fucked me harder.

I came with such force that I shivered in his arms. The sheer power of it had my wet sex pulling his cock into me deeper. I felt Edward tighten his hold on me as he was pulled over the edge and gave in to ecstasy.

It was emotional. Not because of the sex. Well, not really. It was emotional because this was the morning after. Where we were pulled out of the shadows of the firelight and moonlight of the night before and thrust into the light of the new day.

It was natural to feel hesitant—or nervous even. Yet, none of those feelings came to the surface. It was like the natural chemistry that had abandoned us was back. Even though Edward and I knew what we had been missing all this time, this feeling, it was different somehow. It was stronger.

Honestly, it was impossible to believe that less than twenty-four hours ago I felt the comfortable connection that Edward and I'd had was unachievable, and here we were basking in it once again.

That hopeless feeling that felt like a lead weight inside my chest was replaced by a fluttering that filled me with a determination to hold on to what we had and never let go.

My beautiful man was stunning, his chiseled features and sculpted body naked and on display for me to have my way with. I don't know what I had done to get back to a place where things were _normal_, and frankly I didn't care. I just wanted what we had to last—forever.

"We better get up. I think we need to clean up downstairs." Edward pulled me from my inner thoughts and kissed me on the forehead before he slipped out of bed. My body protested at the loss of his body against mine, but I watched his perfectly nude ass walk across the floor and open the door to our bedroom.

"If you're gonna take a shower first, I'll just head downstairs and pick up. I think I left some of my clothes down there," I said as I started to sit up but stopped when Edward held out his hand.

"No need. I'll grab everything and straighten up. Why don't you jump in the shower first?" He winked before he said, "I'll join you as soon as I straighten up."

"Put something on!" I yelled after him.

"I'll only be a second!" he yelled back. "Prude!"

I couldn't help but smile as I rolled to his side of the bed and hugged Edward's pillow to me. I took in his scent and smiled.

There was a light feeling in my chest, one that I had been sure I would never feek again. Letting out a deep sigh, I laughed when I felt myself going all _schoolgirl_ and was filled with the urge to hum a nursery rhyme.

"Edward and Bella sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love then comes marriage—" I was startled from my humming when I heard Edward let out a fearful shout.

"Edward!" I screamed as I bolted out of my bed and tripped on the bed sheet I pulled around me. I wrenched open the door and fumbled my way down the stairs. "Edward! What's wrong?"

As I made it to the bottom of the staircase and turned the corner, I ran right into the solid wall of Edward's chest. The bed sheet started to slip from my grasp, and I felt it begin to slide off but not before I felt Edward's hands quickly pulling it back up to cover me.

"Edward, what's going on?" I whispered, reaching out to touch him.

But before he could answer, a voice rang out. "OH, MY GOD! NOT YOU TOO?!"

My eyes clamped shut as my blood turned ice cold.

_No! No! No! Please, dear God in heaven, please don't let that be my dad!_

I pressed my eyes shut and pulled the bed sheet closer around myself as Edward pulled me to his chest. I pushed back when I realized he was still naked. My mouth open, I looked up into his fearful eyes and realized why he had screamed.

"I can't believe you two! There have to be rules, Bella! I mean goddamnit, Edward, this is my home!" I could hear the tension in Charlie's voice. It was obvious from the thudding of his boots he was pacing back and forth in the living room. "A man has a right to come home and not see his son-in-law or little girl running around his house naked! I think there is a law somewhere that states that very fact!"

Before I could say anything to retaliate, I felt Edward turn and walk into the living room—still fully nude.

"For Pete's sake, man, please put something on!" Charlie screamed with utter disgust evident in his voice.

Edward let out a deep sigh and grabbed the blanket that rested on the side of the sofa. He wrapped it around himself before turning to face Charlie again.

"Charlie, I'm so sorry. I can't even say anything to justify the way we left your living room. You are absolutely right; no man should have people frolicking around his living room naked—especially his daughter." I could hear the finely controlled tone in Edward's voice. "But with that being said, you have to know we meant no disrespect to you or your home. We just…we just—"

It wasn't fair for Edward to have to shoulder the blame of the situation. It was obvious from the look on Charlie's face that he was holding Edward solely responsible for everything. That just didn't sit well with me. Before Edward could finish his sentence, I stepped forward and slipped my hand into my husband's. He looked at me before his eyes drifted down to our intertwined fingers. I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze before l lifted my chin up and looked Charlie straight in the eyes.

"Dad, what Edward is trying to say is that while we completely understand why you're upset, we didn't mean any disrespect." Charlie took a slow breath to calm himself down. He looked away for a second before he glanced back at us.

"I know you both didn't mean anything. It's just…" Charlie's softened expression hardened when he looked back at Edward. "You should have known better, Edward. Bella's just been through so much. Can you imagine if you two were still at it and your mother walked in here? Or someone else, maybe? I mean, she's worked so hard to overcome so much. Now, I'm not saying you two shouldn't behave in a way that a husband and wife should, but I feel that any shocking situation could set her back. She—"

I'd had enough. While it was sweet and endearing that Charlie was thinking of me and my emotions, at the same time, his holding Edward solely responsible was just wrong.

"_She _is right here." My serious tone had both Edward and Charlie looking to me. "Dad, you can't keep blaming him for things that I participated in. I know you're worried about me and that something could set me back. But don't you see babying me is not the answer?"

I felt Edward squeeze my hand. "Bella, he's right."

I shook my head in protest, pulled my hand from his, and lifted it to silence him.

"Uh-uh. Not you too. What was the point of getting clean and talking about everything with Riley, if not to better myself to the point where I am not a basketcase?" I gave them both a stern look. "I know I still have a ways to go, and granted stressful situations could eventually take their toll, but you both forget I still don't know who is trying to kill me. If that isn't stressful enough to make me break, then you should know I can handle things like this. As embarrassing as it is, at least I know my dad isn't trying to kill me. So yeah, I'm good."

Edward and Charlie both stood there with utterly shocked looks on their faces. I knew my blunt words would make an impact, but there really wasn't any other way to explain to them just how silly it was to continue to try and protect me.

"Bella, how can you talk so calmly about it?" Edward's tone was soft but filled with tension.

"How can I not? I mean, this is my life, isn't it? Even before I realized that someone was after me, nothing in my life was ordinary look around"—I gestured dramatically—"does this look like a normal setup to you? Do normal people get attacked, hurt, and almost killed? Do normal people have a security detail involved in every aspect of their lives? All of this is my _acquired_ normal. That now includes having someone trying to kill me."

"Sweetheart, no one is going to get you." Charlie's voice held a slight panic. He walked up to me and held my shoulders. "You have nothing to worry about."

I shook my head. "You aren't listening to me. I know that I'm okay. I trust you, Edward, and the security teams we have. But, Dad, that isn't the point. What I'm trying to say is, you have to stop—you both have to stop thinking that I can't handle things or that I shouldn't have to. It's not fair to me or to yourselves to treat me this way. I have overcome a lot, and I deserve a chance to make my own mistakes without you all freaking out. This means that if you need to place blame on someone for finding us in this situation, then it isn't only Edward's fault, it's mine too."

"Fine, fine, whatever you say. Can we just stop talking about this? And for Pete's sake, can you both go and get dressed?" I couldn't help but smile at Charlie's pleading.

I stepped back and fumbled with the bed sheet in my hands. Before I made my way up the stairs, I kissed Edward on the cheek and asked if he was coming.

"In a second, okay? I just want to finish talking to Charlie." I rolled my eyes, realizing that no matter how much I demanded to be treated like a fully functioning adult, Edward and Charlie would always do what they felt was best for me.

"Fine." I huffed as I thudded up the stairs toward my bedroom.

_They both are such control freaks. They're never gonna let me just make my own decisions or handle anything. _

Irritated, I started to shut the door when I heard the front door open and shut quickly. It was a few seconds before I heard a feminine shriek. "Edward! Oh my God!"

"Mom! Mom! I swear I can explain." Edward's voice was laced with a fear I hadn't heard from him—ever.

As much as I tried not to, I couldn't help it. Before shutting the bedroom door, I had to smile.

****************************_TDDOM_**********************************

"You have to hold it steady. Just remember not to apply too much pressure to the trigger because it can mess up how you aim." Edward looked at me from over his shoulder and rolled his eyes. "Hey? What was that for?"

"Since when did you become the authority on how to shoot guns? I thought they freaked you out," Edward said with a challenging tone.

"That is not true. I'm not freaked out by guns. I just don't like them. There is a difference, you know," I said with a teasing tone. "Besides I'm the police chief's daughter. Knowing how to shoot guns is in my DNA."

Reaching out my hand and asking for the Smith & Wesson semi-automatic handgun, I nudged Edward out of the way and kept my footing firm as I took aim at the empty beer cans. Keeping my grip relaxed, I pulled the trigger effortlessly and watched the cans fly off the fence.

The security guys who had gathered to watch and make sure we didn't accidently shoot ourselves hooted and hollered their praise.

"Still got it." I lightly laughed as I turned to Edward and flaunted my win. "Is there anything you'd like to say?"

"Um…Is it wrong that I'm extremely turned on right now?" Edward's voice was low and suddenly filled with need. It was amazing how the sound of his voice still warmed me all over. "How about we forget about target practice, and we try practicing something else that we haven't done since last night?"

I knew what he meant and couldn't help myself. Slipping the safety lock in place and handing the gun to one of the security guys, I strutted over to Edward to steal a kiss. When he pulled back and smiled, I felt the desire he held for me, not only from the look in his eyes, but I felt it straining in his jeans.

Normally, any kind of public display of affection between Edward and me would have me on edge, but not anymore. I projected my love happily and didn't want to miss a moment where I could show Edward how much he meant to me.

When he reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, I leaned up and pressed my lips to his. Edward reached down and lifted me off my feet to deepen our kiss with equal enthusiasm. I loved this side to us. While it was so much like when we first had fallen in love, it was still different. The stresses and roadblocks that had littered our past were paved over, and we just gave in and loved each other without reservation.

We were free, and we loved it.

I was so caught up in my make-out session with Edward, I didn't hear Charlie when he walked up behind us.

"You two just can't help yourselves, can you?" Charlie growled at us. "I'm sorry to break up your little honeymoon, but you have a call, Edward."

Well, one couldn't blame him. While we didn't go frolicking naked around the house anymore, it wasn't like the make-out sessions or marathon sex sessions had slowed down.

More than once Charlie had muttered that we were trying to drive him mad with our public displays of affection. Of course that wasn't our intention, but I won't lie, a small part of me enjoyed giving my father a jolt every now and then.

I justified it by telling myself that I was making up for the lack of rebellion during my teenage years. Of course my defiance in marrying Edward against Charlie's wishes didn't count.

Edward smiled against my lips and gave me another quick peck before he set me down on my feet. When I finally turned to look at Charlie, I wasn't in the least embarrassed by my behavior. Edward slipped past me and ducked around Charlie as he walked up to the house.

Charlie just stood in front of me with a concerned look on his face. It was a look that I had seen countless times growing up, only this time it seemed like he was trying to hold back from saying whatever was on his mind.

I crossed my arms and took a deep breath. "Go ahead, Dad. Let it out. I can tell something's on your mind."

Charlie looked around a bit before walking over and leaning on the back fence. He glanced over his shoulder at the security guys who were standing back putting away the guns we had been using.

"Do you remember how scared you were when I first tried to teach you how to shoot?" Charlie asked with a small smirk on his face.

"Yeah, I do. I was _so _scared." I laughed as I walked over and leaned with my back against the fence. "Do you remember what I said when you asked me why?"

"Of course! '_Dad, please._ _I don't want to do this. You know me. With my luck, I'll shoot myself before I shoot the person I'm aiming at.' _Funny thing, the way you shut your eyes every time you pulled the trigger, I almost started to believe you!" Charlie let out a deep laugh, and I joined him after giving him a friendly elbow to the ribs.

"Hey, now! I did eventually get it. I mean, look that empty beer cans. I'm the only one who was able to hit them." I nudged my dad with my elbow as we both laughed a little.

It was nice being able to joke with him and just laugh without everything being so serious. When he quickly reached around me and pulled me into a one-armed hug, I slipped my arms around his waist and held him close.

Whenever I thought about how Charlie had caught Edward and me in that embarrassing state of undress, I would shake involuntarily. It had taken some time for Charlie to get over it; I don't think he stepped foot into the living room for at least two days.

It hadn't escaped my notice that not only had Charlie started to spend most nights out on the Rez with Sue, but probably had thrown blanket Edward had covered himself with was missing, as well. Charlie had probably dumped it in the trash the moment Edward dropped it after rushing upstairs to put some clothes on after Esme had walked into the house.

I let out a laugh when I remembered how Edward had rushed upstairs beet-red, almost having a panic attack when Esme realized why her son was standing naked in the middle of Charlie's living room. Edward tried to explain himself, but he couldn't get a single word out without stuttering, so he just tucked tail and ran up to hide with me.

"You know it's good to hear you laugh." Charlie's voice brought me back from my thoughts.

"Thanks, Dad. It's good to have something to laugh about, I guess." I felt him give me a slight squeeze before he kissed my forehead.

"So how are you doing? I mean, with everything." Charlie's voice was soft, but I could tell he was tense.

"What do you mean?" I wasn't sure what he was getting at.

Charlie let out a deep breath as he turned to face me. Reaching out, he made sure I was bundled up okay and held my eyes with his.

"I mean, how are you holding up with this whole Thanksgiving thing? It will be the first one back in this house in a long time, and a lot has changed. God knows I don't like to remember the last one we had together." He let out a tension-filled sigh and kicked a rock into the forest that surrounded us.

"Yeah, it wasn't fun. But things are different now. I mean, we're past all of that. At least I know that I am." I walked up beside him. "Dad, are you worried about something? Is there something that I should be thinking about or concerned about?"

"Oh darling, no." Charlie reached out and held me around the shoulders. "No, I didn't mean it like that. What I was trying to say was that maybe you need to talk to Dr. Biers a little and maybe talk about Thanksgivings that we used to have."

"Why don't you just tell me what you're worried about. It's obvious that you're irritated by something." I looked up at Charlie and waited as he silently figured out what to say.

He straightened up for a second, let go of my shoulders, and looked around. There were so many emotions racing around; it was so evident from the look on his face.

"I don't want to say something to bring you down or make you worry, but I'm just concerned about how you're gonna feel about your first Thanksgiving here at home without Jacob."

_Jacob._

When Charlie said his name, a small pang of hurt filled my chest. It wasn't the first time that it had happened, but I had a good handle on how to react. I had to; Edward and I were going to confront Jacob any day now.

Even though I was adamant about confront Jacob along with Edward and needing answers, there was still an inner worry of how I would be able to handle just seeing him for the first time since everything that had happened.

Jacob was a double-edged sword. He had saved me countless times over the course of my life. There wasn't a moment of my life until now that he hadn't been a part of. If I had to be honest with myself, there was a constant war inside of me between the anger and the guilt I carried when it came Jacob.

Recently, I had found myself starting to make excuses for the way he behaved, and there were times I had myself believing that in time we could be friends again. I missed him. I couldn't lie about that to myself. I missed Jacob in a way I never knew I ever could. Regardless, any hope I felt for us as friends was always short lived. Just one look at Edward and how hard we had to fight to be with each other brought all the rational thoughts barreling back in a snap as to why Jacob Black could never be a part of my life again.

It was the truth and it hurt, but I knew that after I confronted Jacob, the part of my life that had him in it would officially be over.

"Bella?" There was a strong anxious tone in Charlie's voice.

My poor dad, the whole time I was busy frolicking in the rekindling of the love that Edward and I had, he was busy thinking about how I would handle a Thanksgiving without the guy who had been my best friend my whole life.

I pressed my lips together and tried to keep my face as well masked as possible.

"Dad, of course it's gonna be hard. I mean, all this time, everything that I have gone through…it's been hard without Jacob. But the truth of the matter is I need to be a big girl about it and face it head on." I hoped I sounded strong.

"It's not that I think that you won't get over what Jacob has done. Honestly, just watching you through all of this…I mean, look at us. I think if anything I look at how we have made a breakthrough, and I know how strong you are, sweetheart." He ran his hands through his hair. "It's just that, Bella, talk it out, okay? Don't hold it in. If you think no one will understand you, just talk to Dr. Biers."

Through the babbling and comments, I realized that what my dad was really worried about was me losing all the progress I had made.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not gonna crumble just because things might get hard." I hoped Charlie could hear the strength in my voice. "You have to try and believe me when I say that everything is different now. While I might have setbacks that doesn't mean I'm gonna just fall to pieces."

"It's not that I think you're weak or incapable of ever really being strong. I just got you back, Bella. You have no idea how afraid I am of losing you again. We were so dysfunctional before, and I was to blame for it. I failed you by not being there, and well, I guess now that I can see what we should have had from the start, I'm just afraid of anything that could ruin how far we all have come." Charlie's voice was so thick with emotion I was sure he was going to cry.

I reached out and hugged him close. Charlie rested his chin on top of my head. I felt the emotions he was carrying on the inside in the way he sighed and kept his arms around me. I loved my father so much. This connection we felt was very important to me. It was everything I wished we'd had all along.

I pulled back slightly and looked him in the eye.

"The old Bella would have been someone who you would have had to be really careful about. She would have been nervous and hidden away her fears. But I'm not that girl anymore. Yes, I will have my weak moments, and at times I will need to lean on you. The only difference is that now I'm not only stronger, but I'm no longer afraid to reach out to those I love. What we've worked so hard toward, Dad, I plan on fighting like hell to keep it. Okay?"

We stood close and moved on to other topics of conversation. They were more lighthearted and more emotionally safe for us to talk about. Charlie held a small twinkle in his eye when he spoke about Sue. It was nice to hear how much she understood my dad and the difference her companionship had made in his life.

When the wind picked up and it got cooler, we both walked back into the house. Esme and Edward were sitting at the kitchen table smiling and talking in low voices over a freshly brewed pot of coffee.

"Esme, I didn't know that you were here." I kissed her on the cheek before I sat down next to Edward at the table.

"I just came to drop off some dinner and let you know that everyone is flying in in a few days. The kids are going to fly in with Carlisle. I can't wait for all of us to be together finally." Esme's voice was filled with love as she went on about the meal that she and Sue were going to be whipping up.

"Where is everyone going to stay?" Edward asked as he poured a cup of coffee for Charlie and handed it to him.

"Well, at first they were thinking Port Angeles, but since Dr. Biers and his staff are flying out for the holiday, we will have more than enough room at the main house. You know if you and Edward wanted, you could stay there as well during the weekend. That way all of us would be closer together."

Edward and I briefly looked at each other and shrugged.

"How about we talk it over and let you know?" Edward asked.

"Of course. No pressure at all. You two just let me know what you're thinking." Esme leaned over and gave my chin a light tap. "By the way, I should warn you. Alice is in full wedding planning mode."

"We'll be okay, Esme. I'm just really excited about seeing everyone." I was happy that the emotions I felt was genuine.

"All right then, I'm going to get going. I have more errands to run before I head back to the house." Esme looked at her wristwatch as she got up. "I'll see you both tomorrow, okay?"

Charlie finished his cup of coffee and let us know that he was going to head out to Sue's and spend the night there—again. He offered Esme a ride, which she happily accepted.

Edward and I walked them both to the door and stepped out onto the front porch and watched them drive off.

After dinner and doing the dishes together, I left Edward clicking away on his laptop in the living room, as he needed to check in on something work-related.

It had been a long day filled with so much reflection and heavy conversation that I decided to slip into a nice warm bath to soothe the small tension that I had started to feel. Jacob wasn't the only person whom I had been betrayed by.

My unc—no, my g_randfather_ Aro was someone whom I had also been betrayed by. While his betrayal had stung, it wasn't quite as deep as Jacob's. But unlike Jacob, Aro was not someone who ever took anything lying down. When Aro loved someone, he loved them deeply. But cross him or wrong him and you'd better watch out.

I wasn't fully sure how I felt about facing Aro, but the thought that he would have hired someone to kill me was still very unimaginable. After stepping out of the bath and changing, I lay on my bed and hugged my pillow after turning off the lights.

No matter how hard I tried to stay awake, I had fallen asleep before Edward could come to bed.

Deep down inside, I had a bad feeling that in my dreams I would face a fear that I hoped I had put to rest. Sadly, I was right.

The demons that I had tucked away in the darkest parts of my mind found their way back to me and punished me in the worst way.

The nightmares were horrible. The savagery that they unleashed on me was brutally accurate. Most of them had Jacob coming forward and confessing his part in the hurt that he caused Edward and me. The worst of it was that the attacks I had suffered when I was pushed down steps in Italy which caused me to lose the baby, the overdose that everyone was sure I'd had a hand in, and being attacked in New York, now had Jacob playing the role of my assailant. The images, the horrible words he used, and his smile which morphed into a diabolical grin seemed to surround me and made me cower in fear. I fought. I swear I ran where I could, but at every corner, his apparition followed and grabbed at me.

He held me down and refused to let me up. As he spoke, the memories of different painful moments were accompanied by Felix and Aro taking a leading role in my emotional and physical torture.

It was so painful. I knew I was screaming Jacob's name—begging him to stop. Even in my sleep I knew the terror that he was causing had me physically reacting to him.

When I felt two hands hold on to me, I fought against them. I screamed and kicked; I was frantic and tried my best to get away. However, when Edward's voice called out to me, I felt my inner fear start to break, and my screams turned into soft whimpers. His voice pulled me back from the depth of whatever hell that was holding me down, and I pushed away everything just to reach the safety of his voice.

"Baby, wake up." Edward's voice pulled me free, and when I opened my eyes, a sob escaped me. "Shhh, it's okay. You're safe."

I held on to him and felt Edward wrap himself around me. The nightmare was so intense that I was drenched in sweat and my throat felt so raw. I clung to Edward and buried myself as deep as I could into his bare chest, taking deep breaths to calm myself down.

When I felt safe enough to pull back, I realized that Edward had changed and slipped into bed. It was late, really late. Glancing up, I looked into Edward's eyes, and all I could see was the fear they held that my nightmare was going to set me back.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered as I felt my lower lip quiver and a sob start to form in my throat.

Edward's eyes suddenly held a look of steel as he pulled me back to him and kissed my forehead.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Never, ever apologize for having a nightmare." He pulled back and looked at me again. "Do you understand no matter what you're feeling—no matter how small—I want to know about it, okay?"

I nodded in response as he tucked me into the safety of his arms.

"Tell me, Bella. Just tell me," He begged softly.

"I don't know," I sobbed. "It was like Jacob—Jake…"

I covered my face with my hands and cried. It wasn't like before where I was just hurt. I cried because my dream made everything so real.

"Oh, baby." Edward's soft voice was filled with so much emotion. I heard him take a deep breath, and I knew it was to steady himself.

"I saw him in a new light. I saw Jake. He confessed to everything, and he was so evil." I sat back to wipe my eyes. "He hurt me, but I never saw that he did before. He hurt me so badly. I mean, here inside me heart…he was my brother, Edward. He was my rock for so long. When we were apart, I only got through it because he was there. And now—to realize that he was part of the reason everything was so fucked up."

"Baby, you can't sit back and scrutinize everything that happened with him. You are gonna go crazy." Edward reached out, took my face in his hands, and kissed my lips. "He is an asshole, and I hate him. I hate him for so many reasons. But, baby, even I know that to an extent his hands were tied. Aro is a sick bastard who wanted to control you; unfortunately, Jake had to follow his lead. I mean, look at Charlie—even he couldn't stand up to him."

"But there were so many times that he could have told me the truth, or told you. When Emmett came to see me, after I lost the baby. He called Emmett even though Aro didn't want him to." I argued.

Edward just pulled me back into his arms.

"Baby, I know. But he did what he did, and nothing we think about is gonna change that." Edward stroked my back softly, almost as if he wanted to stroke away the pain. "I don't know how, but I swear it will be okay."

I tried to hold back my tears and sniffled as I leaned into him. Just feeling the emotional connection I had with Edward, it was so overwhelming. My throat started to close up, and I blinked away tears.

"You know, when I was dreaming, I tried to pull myself out of it. Even though I fought it, I couldn't do it. But your voice…I heard you. That was when I was able to pull myself away. I knew if I could just get to you, that you would protect me—that you'd keep me safe."

Edward took me by surprise and pulled me into a fierce kiss. He wrapped his arms around me and pushed me down til he was hovering over me.

As he continued to kiss me, he took my arms and slipped them around his neck. I moaned when I felt him press himself into me. When Edward reached between us and pulled my nightgown up, I lifted myself up so he could slip off my panties. Using my feet, I pushed his boxers down and happily opened myself up to him when I felt his erect cock rubbing on the outside of my pussy.

"I know I did a shitty job of showing you just how safe you are, but I swear I'll never make that mistake again." Edward leaned on his arms that were resting on either side of my face. He stole soft kisses from me as I hooked my legs over his firmly toned thighs.

"Baby, you have to believe me. You are my life. You always have been and you always will be." The passion-filled words overwhelmed me.

But nothing compared to the fluid motion Edward made when he entered me. We both gasped and clung to each other. It wasn't too hard or too soft; his motions were perfect and immaculate. He took his time and gave my body what it needed.

Looking into his eyes, I realized that Edward was the gate-keeper to my soul. He might not know it, and maybe I'd never tell him and just let him find out on his own, but I would never deny him anything.

As his body surged again into me, I pulled his face from my breasts to my lips and begged him to keep touching me.

"I'll never stop, baby. I swear it." Edward's husky voice sent erotic shivers through me.

"Edward, please harder!" I begged when I realized that he was holding back. "I need you so much."

He did as I asked and pounded into me so deep. I felt the mixture of fire and lust as it raced through me. I tightened my thighs around him, and I knew that Edward could feel me approach my climax.

We looked into each other's eyes, and I leaned up, seeking his mouth. I nipped and sucked, making sure to drive him wild with pleasure as we met each other thrust for thrust. The yearning grew and grew; the feeling was one that only he could elicit from me.

"I want you. I want this. Edward, please give me everything!" I begged.

And he did. We came together; the fire within us had us both screaming our releases. When I felt him spill himself into me, a small prayer left my heart hoping that the moments we spent like that would plant the seed of a permanent memory within me.

We stayed connected and in each other's arms. Neither one of us wanted the connection we felt to end. Right before I drifted to sleep, I felt the bed shift and the nightmares I had suffered before were threatening to take me back under with them.

"No…no…don't leave me." I tightened my hold on Edward's arm. "Just please don't let go of me."

"Shh, baby, I'm right here." Edward's voice calmed me the instant I heard it. "Go to sleep, baby. I'm right here. I'll never let go."

***********************************_TDDOM__************************************_

An: Phew. So was the smut hot enough? Lol. Thank you for reading. I'll update as soon as I can.

_**Please Review**_


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